The title of this tape pretty much explains it all. This entire tape is American Idol 5 except for a couple random things like a Price Is Right clip and a Marty Casey interview.
(00:00:00)
American Idol Season 5 Premiere from Chicago Illinois
- Ryan Seacrest talks about past seasons and previews the upcoming season. This is a pretty useless segment.
- Black man with sweaty armpits sings and is awful. He says he will come back in one hour and be better and the judges agree to this. Stay tuned.
- White chick does the Humpty Dance and then can't think of a different song and is denied
- Chunky white guy sings Meatloaf and is cut off mid-song and sent home
- Montage of people's reactions after being told no
- Brittenum twins audition and are both accepted
- Gina Glocksen auditions and they say yes to her
- Montage of people messing up
- Mandisa audition. The judges say yes and Simon makes his infamous "we're going to need a bigger stage" fat comments.
*commercials*
Idol Premiere (cont)
- Nerdy guy sings and sucks. Simon says he reminds him of a wasp.
- Simon tells a black man that he should shave his beard and become a female impersonator
- Bubbly woman auditions and is told no
- Cop sings I Shot the Sheriff and is awful
- Woman in wedding dress sings and sucks
- Gay looking guy comes in wearing a Statue of Liberty outfit and begins to sing "Start Spreading the News". Simon cuts him off after two words and he gets pissed.
- Previous contestant comes back after his one hour break to sing and is still denied after butchering a song no one even knew
- Gay white boy with a protective grandmother sings and is awful. Simon says he sings like an auntie. The grandma confronts him afterward.
- Wholesome country sisters sing and are put through to Hollywood
- Hispanic girl sings and sucks
- Young white male from Wisconsin sings I'm In The Mood For Love and is put through
- White bitch sings profanity laced song and gets mad when she is denied
- Black woman is bitter she was denied and confronts someone who made it through
- Day 2 of audition begins, and Day 1 is recapped
- Crooner David Radford sings and is put in to Hollywood
- Ditzy blond chick sings I Am Telling You and sucks. Simon wants to talk about her sun tan and then invites her mother in.
- Seacrest discusses people's hats
- Spanish singer comes in wearing a silly outfit and is rejected
- Ukrainian woman sings Bohemian Rhapsody and sucks
- 16 year old black twins sing and make it through
- Wild guy named Dave runs around on stage and sings. He is like a crazy person on PCP and yet they still say yes to him. This was a surprise.
- Montage of horrible people singing Lady Marmalade.
(1:20:53)
Second episode of AI5 from Denver Colorado
- Confident black man with eyebrow piercing sings Fallen by Alicia Keys and sucks
- More bad people
- Lisa Tucker auditions and is good and makes it to Hollywood
- Contestants show off bizarre talents
- Bizarre chick says she sounds like Whitney Houston but then she sucks
- Ace Young auditions and surprise surprise they say yes
- Black girl with sob story sings Chain of Fools and is good
- Montage of bad rockers
- Chris Daughtry sings The Letter and makes it to Hollywood
- One good and two bad auditions
- Young cowboy from a small-town farm auditions and makes it through to the next round
- End of Day 1 and beginning of Day 2
- The "Think Tank" is introduced. A weird stoned looking white dude wearing matching pajama-style outfits and a nerdy inventor meet one another. Then they both audition and suck.
- Fat chick sings Bjork and makes it to Hollywood
- Feminine man sings and is awful. This person is just... really bizarre. This is the last part of the episode.
(1:58:43)
Third episode of AI5 from Greensboro North Carolina
- Screechy voice woman sings and is awful. Simon says she is more Jerry Springer then American Idol.
- Sucky black woman named Cachet is rejected, along with other bad singers
- Kellie Pickler sings Since You Been Gone and makes it through
- Mustachioed guy who looks like a waiter wants to bring back standard musical numbers. His kid brother gets mad when he is denied.
- Man with a ventriloquist dummy auditions and is denied
- Squeeky voiced nerdy country girl sings and is awful. She sounds like a kid.
- Air Force guy sings Let's Get It On and dances with Paula
- Black woman is put through to Hollywood and kisses Simon
- White guy sucks
- Black woman with troubled past sings Ain't No Mountain High Enough and makes it through
- Feminine fat man sings a Whitney Houston song and is not good but makes it through anyways. Simon says he should be wearing a dress.
- Montage of Simon clips where he starts insults off with "I don't mean to be rude"
- Chick in stripper-like outfit auditions and isn't good but isn't terrible either
- Clips of sucky and nervous people
- Guy with country-ish voice makes it through
- Male relative of Fantasia sings and is awful. He is very high pitched.
- Paris Bennett auditions and is very good and goes to Hollywood
- End of Day 1 and beginning of Day 2
- Black man who claims to have won over 10 talent shows sings and is terrible
- Nice guy Jimmy Crabtree sings and sucks
- Flamboyant feminine man sings a song from Aladdin and Straight Up from Paula Abdul. Simon says he looks like Sylvester Stallone's younger sister.
- New Yorker who's boyfriend cheated on her sings and makes it through
- Nerdy guy dances and sing Michael Jackson's Thriller. Epic.
- Guy in his dad's firefighter suit auditions and makes it despite just an okay voice
- Rhonetta, an extremely volatile black chick who dresses like a hooker auditions and is awful. She gets mad when she is denied and hurls insults at the camera. She doesn't like Paula apparently.
- Greensboro recapped as episode ends.
Fox News clip about Jessica Sierra being stalked. This was before the sex tape apparently. They also talk about the Brittenum twins getting in trouble with the law.
(3:19:51)
Fourth episode of AI5 from San Francisco California
- Blond Hawaiian chick auditions and the judges say no
- Large gay black man sings and is super high pitched
- Jose "Sway" Penala auditions and is put through to the next round
- Nerdy guy who loves wolves has a poor audition
- Dark military man sings Human Nature by Michael Jackson and is good
- Montage of people practicing with their parents and vocal coaches
- Katharine McPhee audition. She is good and easily makes it to Hollywood.
- A couple more bad auditions
- 16 year old pigtailed girl makes it through
- All-Terrain singer sings different styles of music and sucks at all of them
- Asian girl who looks like a Final Fantasy character makes it through, despite Simon's protests
- Clips of Simon arguing with the other judges
- Hippy looking lady with big hair sucks. She is only 27 but looks old as hell.
- Simon gets annoyed with the other judges and leaves prematurely
- Hispanic guy drinks hot sauce and sings horribly
- All of the approved contestants are shown, as well as a preview for the next episode
(3:58:53)
Marty Casey interview on TV Guide Channel
Fifth episode of AI5 from Las Vegas Nevada. This episode glitches a lot right after the psychic's sister audition and becomes unwatchable in parts
- Fake Jamaican sings reggae and sucks
- Guy in jester outfit comes in and is told no before he can even sing
- Psychic who auditioned last year comes back to help her sister audition
- Belly dancer auditions and is good. This is where the episode starts to majorly glitch out.
- Tape is glitchy to the point of being unwatchable here. This continues until later on in the episode when I switch VCRs. Young guy sings hard rock and is rejected.
- Black girl in cowboy hat sings country and is good
- Gondolier sings and is denied despite a good singing voice
- Montage of people who come back to audition multiple times
- Crazy stalker guy who auditioned last year comes back and isn't allowed to sing again
- Young egg shaped fat man sings and is terrible and high pitched and screechy
- Twin Asian girls audition together and sing a Cranberries song. Sounds good from what I can hear but the picture is still all glitchy. The judges say no.
- White dude sings a Backstreet Boys song and sucks. The judges join in with the singing.
- Criminally bad singers
*at this point in the tape I moved the VCR to a different TV - this one with an antennae and not cable - and there is no more glitching. Just bad reception*
AI5 (cont)
- Foreigner in a US flag shirt sings Proud To Be An American and is awful
- Black woman named Princess sings terribly and is denied
- Montage of crappy singers singing I Will Survive
- Commercials
- Seacrest talks about contestants funny hairstyles
- Taylor Hicks auditions and is accepted by everyone but Simon
(4:41:53)
Sixth audition episode of AI5. This one from Austin Texas
- Nerdy gay guy who can't sing does the splits
- Clips of bad singers, including one hilarious high pitched black man
- Weird chick with braces is obsessed with Paula Abdul. Her audition sucks though.
- Zombies and more bad singers
- Funeral director sings well and makes it through. Finally someone good!
- Black chick sings Christmas music and is awful
- Girl almost dies on the airplane ride in and recaps her story. Her voice is awful though. The judges tell her she can come back in 20 minutes and try again.
- Seacrest comments about how much Austin has sucked so far
- Black man who is a music major makes it to Hollywood
- Girl who can sing with her mouth closed auditions and makes it through
- Overly confident young guy sings Ain't No Sunshine and gets 2 yesses
- Guy who looks like Randy Jackson sings I Cant Dance but he sucks
- Girl from earlier comes back to audition again after her 20 minutes and still sucks
- William Makar auditions and goes through to Hollywood
- Fat chick with braces and 2 ugly looking braids hanging down in the front of her hair auditions and is awful. The video quality glitches a bit during this clip. Stupid channel 6 where I used to live back when I recorded this!
- Episode ends and next week is previewed
(5:18:04)
Seventh audition episode of AI5. This one from Boston Massachusetts. Getting sick of these yet? Good news - this is the last one.
- Ghetto white guy in Patriots gear raps a song about the US troops but sucks
- Ayla Brown auditions and makes it through easily
- Foreign chick takes clothes off as she sings but is terrible
- The judges suffer many awful auditions in a row, causing Simon to get pissed
- Sexy twins come in and audition, but only one sings and she makes it to Hollywood
- Mixed woman sings to get revenge on her racist grandmother who disapproves of her black father. She isn't that great but still makes it to the next round.
- People's jobs are discussed
- Chick who works with old people is denied although her voice isn't that bad
- Gay guy sings a Cher song and Simon says he should be a female impersonator
- More men are denied
- Kevin Kovais auditions and is surprisingly good
- Montage of people singing Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog
- Clay Aiken lookalike auditions and is awful
- Audition tour is recapped to beat of the song You Had A Bad Day
(5:53:36)
AI5. Hollywood round of auditions where everyone who got a yes performs again.
- Kellie Pickler makes it through to the next round
- Patrick Hall sings and makes it through
- The contestants who don't have to sing on Day 1 go on a tour of Hollywood
- Overly confident white guy sings. The guy who danced with Paula sings too. Neither one makes it to the next round.
- Lisa Tucker sings and makes it through
- Montage of people singing Hopelessly Devoted
- More footage of the other contestants touring Hollywood
- String of bad singers in a row
- Paris Bennett sings and makes it through
- Black chick touring the city stresses out because she feels sick
- Taylor Hicks sings First Cut Is The Deepest and makes it through
- Cowboy at the beach reflects on his journey
- Recap of all the yesses and nos from Day One
END OF TAPE
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