My journey to document everything I have on my VHS tapes continues. This is the third of many.
(00:00:00)
Dave Chappelle Show. In this skit, Dave buys a special camera that allows him to see four things when he takes a picture of someone: someone's true self, someone's inner thoughts, the last person someone slept with, and where they will be in ten years.
COPS
- Blonde man on a bike is arrested outside a McDonalds for wreckless behavior on his bike. He has a bunch of credit cards and IDs on him that aren't in his name. In his backpack are bolt cutters and a flashlight. He also has a syringe and some drugs on him. Yeah, he is up to no good.
Small clip of Celebrity Poker on Bravo. The Creed singer is playing at the table. Tom Green is the first eliminated. That's all that is recorded.
COPS.
- Female gas station attendant is assaulted when someone she previously accused of theft (stealing a 12 pack) comes back and beats on her. The guy is found and arrested.
(19:17)
Clips of the Crocodile Hunter. The first clip shows two crocs fighting for dominance. You're going to see some really quick thinking in the second clip. The Crocodile Hunter sticks his foot into the mouth of a croc to keep it from locking down on a man's head.
COPS
- Crazy drugged up guy stands on the roof of a house and demands a shot of heroin. He is shirtless, has jean shorts on, and wild messed up hair. The police have to go up on a ladder and take him down on a stretcher.
*during the commercials for COPS, we cut to a short clip from the movie Harry and the Hendersons followed by an ad for Helios*
COPS (cont)
- Cops respond to a domestic violence call. The guy runs and hides in the woods. A K9 unit is called in, and the man is found. His face is blurred out, and he says weird things. "Do you work for them?" When they take him back to the station, he resists further and is taken down by a group of officers.
- 18 year old guy named Chris Jones harasses a woman with a shotgun and takes her car. When the cops find him, he's in his underwear and he then gets arrested.
- A shoplifter comes back to a store after being suspected of shoplifting earlier in the day. When the workers confront him, he attacks them, but gets taken down and held by the employees. The cops then come and arrest him.
- Prostitution stings. Jeff Goodin plays the john. He picks up an old white trash lady and gets her to offer him her services. She is then arrested. The next person caught is a dopey lady with a drug habit.
- A nasty old blonde lady is pulled over in front of a gas station. She has a whole bunch of kids in the car who are not seatbelted in. In her purse is a huge wad of cash, a gun, and a whole shitload of meth.
- An officer pulls over a car that had been stolen. Inside the car are two young black females. They try to run, and one is wrestled down by the cop. The other one gets away. They had stolen the car from a man because he had been trying to have sex with the girls, and they didn't want it.
- The cops are called to a house where a fight has been reported. Two retarded, hick brothers are at the scene and one is all bloody. Apparently they had been beating on one another. Both of the brothers are arrested.
- A car is pulled over with a couple of gangstas in it. The car smells like pot. One of the gangstas tries to run and is taken down to the ground before he can get even a few steps away. He had no chance!
(1:13:54)
Jerry Springer clip - Old granny steals a young woman's man.
COPS.
- The police respond to a domestic violence call. A Hispanic man gets drunk and punches out his own windows. When the cops look in the kitchen, they find a gigantic trashpile mess with bugs flying around. They tell the people living there to clean the kitchen or they will have their kids taken away from them.
- Black prostitute is caught with two men in a cemetery. One of them is really old.
- Woman calls the cops because she was assaulted by a guy and he ripped some of her hair out. They go to his house and he is laying on his couch pretending to be asleep. The cops have to get physical and pull him out of the house to arrest him.
Juke Joint Saturday Night infomercial clip
Funny Holiday Clip show
- Turkey starts a fire
- Grandma taps in her dentures with a beer bottle
- Old woman has a fat back that looks like boobs when the camera is zoomed in
- Funny cork popping clips
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Music Awards. He interviews people on the red carpet and insults them. He humps Justin Timberlake's leg and also calls Simon Cowell an asshole. He insults Eminem and gets pushed away. A fake press conference is held where he claims he got beat up by Eminem.
(1:39:47)
Jerry Springer clip - Old granny gets naked on the stage and dances
AFV. Holiday edition.
- Little girl pees in her favorite underwear and says that she's very mad
- Guy gets knocked out by a giant falling icicle
- Skinny old man poses in his underwear
- Basketball players launch the ball backwards over their head and make it in
- Music montage - funny moments on swings
- Little kid puts a lightning bug in his mouth and it lights up in there
- J A N I C E !!!!!! Fat kid in a roller coaster gets scared and starts falling out of his seat while the lady next to him laughs her ass off. Now this is comedy. "Stop it Janice! Stop it! It hurts, it hurts, this hurts!!!"
- Little kid on a bike crashes through a fence
- Lady plays a practical joke on her husband by putting rubber bands over the water sprayer on the kitchen sink, so it sprays him when he turns on the faucet. She gets him twice!
- Little girl farts in the bathtub
- Music montage (Pink Panther theme song) of people and animals doing funny things stealthily
- The Janice clip wins second place. Her name is Janice Sparks and she is from Georgetown Kentucky. It is a shame she didn't win.
Jerry Springer again. This episode focuses around Springer Cam - episodes that are filmed on location outside of the studio
- A mom crashes a trailer park wedding and destroy stuff & yells to try and stop the wedding. There's a food fight too.
- Woman camps outside her boyfriend's house and yells over a megaphone because he won't talk to her. A crowd starts to form. The best person in the crowd is this crazy old man who tries to talk some sense into her and says funny things. "I want a beer now!!"
- Steve saves a woman from an abusive husband with a very hairy back
(1:56:44)
AFV
- Basketball bounces across two rooftops and goes through the hoop
- Dog hides under the bed and growls to avoid taking a bath
- Seagulls poop on a dude's face and mouth
- Guy in a mullet tries to drive a bike off the back of a truck at the trailer park and crashes, face forward over the handlebars
- .Goofy looking friend gets hit in the face with a flying stick
- Music montage - people falling off horses
- Music montage - funny sledding clips
- 31 Christmas falls in 35 seconds
- Dog twirls around in the yard like a tornado
- Baby pukes in a swimming pool
- Guy screams like a girl on a roller coaster
- Body Waxing vs Cats Falling Into Aquariums
- Man scares his wife with an ugly mask
- Music montage - funny clips of people opening presents. The screaming retard girl is in this one! <3
- "Hard to Handle" music montage of funny karate mishaps
- 34 hits in 31 seconds
- Bunny plays dead and does sit ups
- Fat kid crashes a bike through a fish tank and breaks it all over the place
- Dog climbs a tree with his mouth
- Dog and bird hate each other
- Tiny little dog growls ferociously as it eats
- Little white dog holds his paws up when a guy says "freeze!"
- Music montage - bowling clips
(2:12:40)
COPS Greatest Moments
- There is a break in at a house located above a barber shop. The intruder is shot and tries to run away. He's a naked black man who is very muscular and clearly on some kind of drugs. It takes a whole squad of cops to wrestle him to the ground. "Put it in the papers!" he yells from the ground as cops are all over him.
- Lady gets tackled by the police and stabs herself with a knife
- Man in a leotard has his wallet stolen. Classic moment in COPS history
- One legged police officer pulls over a guy on a bicycle for not having lights on at night. The guy throws a crackpipe and tries to run, but the officer chases him down. The officer gets extremely winded, but he gets him! The guy being arrested accuses the officer of racism.
- Police chase a guy with a mullet through a yard. He gets pulled back as he tries to jump a fence and is tackled to the ground.
- Mexican guy with a knife stands off with the police on a highway. When they swarm him, he tries to stab a cop and is shot.
Short clip of Jerri Manthey from Survivor on the Surreal Life
(2:42:37)
COPS.
- Police pull over a car where people are smoking crack inside. One of the people is a transvestite. She tries to swallow the drugs and the cops take her down to the ground. Her wig falls off and she shrieks "I don't have nothing!" It's funny.
- Police respond to a call about a house on fire. The officer breaks out the windows to try and get the people out of the house. Only to realize that the house that's on fire is the next house over.
AFV
- Slow motion clip of a guy getting scared by a Halloween prank.
- Slo-mo clip of a woman almost getting trampled by a horse and run over by its carriage
- Cute/Sweet/Adorable meter. There is a gross clip in there with a kid eating hot dogs out of a fat man's belly button. Another gross one with a baby puking at the end.
- Funny pet infomercial
- Montage of people with funny laughs
- Montage of funny boating mishaps
- Montage of Halloween scares. This must be the Halloween episode, huh?
Jerry Springer. More of the little people episode from a while back. People in the audience pick on a midget that's dressed like a genie. How can they be so cruel?
(3:01:48)
AFV
- Funny clips played in reverse
- Babies Peeing vs Snapping Alligators
- Buttocks jiggles to music
- Video of a guy looking into the camera who can't figure out how to use it
- Weightlifting mishaps
- Kid pulls the chair out from behind an old lady
- Little kid picks nose while reciting the alphabet
- Little boy makes gross face after eating olive
- Musical montage of people stuck in compromising positions
- Man scares off birds at the park and gets hit with a bag by an old woman
- Dirtbike drives itself
- AFV classic clip of a man in an upside-down suit
- Another AFV classic of a bunch of people comparing big bellies. A pregnant woman wins.
Simon Cowell on Conan O'Brien. His interview with Conan is judged by a panel including Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Triumph insults Simon immensely, and Simon has no comeback.
Man Vs Beast. A show on Fox where man and beast face off in head to head competition.
- Champion eater Kobayashi and a bear engage in a hot dog eating contest. The bear wins.
- Sumo wrestler and an orangutan engage in a tug of war. The ape wins.
JKX
- The Dante episode. A man is Xed at a job interview. He is told that the man who does the hiring (Dante) has a lot of weird quirks and that he must follow these bizarre rules when talking to him.
Man Vs Beast
- A group of midgets try to pull a jet. They face off with an elephant in a race. It cuts off right before the race. I know the race is shown somewhere on a later tape. EDIT: It's on Matteo Tape (8)
AFV
- Cat meows and sounds like a person saying "I don't want it."
- Bratty girl eats candy despite being told not to
- Shaving cream gag
- Kid farts in front of the camera on Christmas
- Little dog screams while taking a bath and sounds like a child
- Tiger shoots pee through a fence right at the camera
- Drunken raccoon wobbles through the wilderness
- Cats on a fence fight
- Music montage of funny boating mishaps
- Dizzy Bats vs Dogs Swinging on Ropes
- Gator pees on a woman
- Cat wiggles its tongue at the camera
- Pastor drops a communion wafer down a woman's cleavage and tries to grab it out
- Kid touches a dog's butt
- Clips where the host's head is pasted on a bunch of accidents. One of them is a mullet tennis player.
- Music montage - "The Odd Couple". Funny clips of cats and dogs interacting.
- People Falling Down Stairs vs Hairpieces
- 32 table falls in 38 seconds
- "Get Physical" music montage of funny exercising clips
- Cat sleeps with its tongue very far out
- Baby kitty sleeps sprawled upside down on a man's chest
- Grandpas Gone Wild / Grandmas Gone Giddy
- Fat guy runs around in a diaper in front of his family
- Clip montage of little kids falling
(3:45:57)
Cops. Shots Fired episode.
- Man in a wheelchair fires a gun in a park and is gunned down and killed by the cops
Mad TV.
- Michael Jackson movie spoof "Honey I Touched the Kids."
- Stewart at the Chinese restaurant
- "I'm Sorry Mama" Eminem music video spoof featuring George W Bush
- "Lady Marmalade" spoof with the Mad TV chicks
- "World's Greatest" R-Kelly music video spoof
(4:02:31)
Jerry Springer. Old man dying of cancer confesses to his granddaughter that he's in the KKK and he hates her because she's dating a black guy. He also calls Jerry a Jew bastard.
Jamie Kennedy clip on Oprah. Jamie plays a guy in a bubble suit who goes to work out with a personal trainer.
A few clips of bad singers from American Idol season 2
(4:11:10)
Clip of Little John getting robbed at the gas station again. Apparently I have this on two separate tapes. Sweet!
Clip of the "hotter girls" showering on Survivor Amazon
More bad singers on American Idol. Apparently this part of the tape is very very random.
Back to Survivor Amazon. This is the tribal council where Daniel Lue gets voted off. He says he gets along with Matt the most because he speaks Mandarin, and that he feels outcasted because he's Asian.
Are You Hot. This is a show where people come out on stage one by one. The audience decides if they are hot or not. The people deemed hot come back later and get individually critiqued by the judges. Since there are so many contestants, I will only post the highlights.
- Gay Nick Brown
- Spicy Latina
- Hippy black guy and hippy blonde chick
JKX.
- Jamie plays a waiter at a restaurant and tricks a woman dining there. He speaks in a heavy Cajun accent that she can't understand. It makes her ordering very difficult to do. She asks for a manager and gets a flood of people who don't speak English. She gets mad after a while and wants to leave.
(4:22:22)
Back to Are You Hot?
- Gay Nick Brown is judged
- The hippy black dude is judged and they rip on him
Judge Judy clip. OMG I love this clip - it's hilarious. It is the episode where a guy gets into an argument with the judge and storms out in anger. The guy is such a dope and looks drunk or stoned or something. It's just funny the way it happens.
AFV
- Nerdy guy gets scared by a clown creeping up behind him
- Funny cat and dog clips
- Hidden camera catches people stepping on an upside down floormat in a hallway
- Piano falls off the back of a truck
- Little boy gets upset because he got a girls toy for Christmas
- Cat lays on vibrating ball
- Dogs attack furry slippers at Christmas. This clip goes on to win later.
- Teacher falls for the "water bucket above the door" gag
- Fat guy fooled by fake lottery ticket. He gets so excited when he thinks he won!
- Clip montage of people freaking out on roller coasters. Janice is briefly shown here!
- Dogs Playing the Piano vs Kids With Buckets on Their Heads
- Cute/Sweet/Adorable meter. A clip of a fat guy in a tub is deemed Vomitous. There's also a clip of a guy shooting milk out of his nose.
- Little girls scream "Uh-Huh" and "Nuh-uh" back at one another repeatedly
- Music montage - "Shout"
- Go ostrich, go ostrich, go ostrich!
- Fish jumps out of the water and hits a man on a boat
- Guy in a Michael Myers mask scares his friend
- Little boy poops in his pants
- Funny trampoline clip montage
- Cat gets flung off the butt of a horse. Clip is shown in slo-mo.
- Guy with a mullet at a warehouse crashes a power worker and is thrown to the ground. Strong man wants mommy!
- Girls fall off the top of a bunk bed
- 29 lens whacks in 33 seconds
- "Happy Together" music montage
(4:46:00)
COPS.
- The police catch two teenagers getting busy in the back of a truck with a black prostitute.
- Drug stings. Undercover officer buys drugs off random guys on the street and they get busted.
- HUFFERS~! Classic COPS moment, here. Two brothers who huff paint are stoned out of their minds and living in an alley behind a grocery store. They are really messed up and can barely understand the cop. It's silly.
- Cops arrest a crazy woman who is watching over a group of kids. When they come in, she is naked in the bedroom. When she comes out, she speaks nonsense and gets tackled to the ground. They call someone else in to take care of the kids.
- Prostitution stings. Blonde undercover hooker helps catch several johns. One of the cops who runs out to arrest people is wearing a Bert Emanuel jersey. One john is a cab driver. "What I do?"
(5:19:18)
Are You Hot?
- Scrawny surfer boy with long hair is critiqued
JKX.
- Jamie plays a dentist and X's an old black woman who is getting a check up
Hot or Not?
- Muscular black guy with dreads. Where are the chicks?
JKX.
- Jamie plays an exterminator who is training and X-ing a new employee on the job. The trainee is offput by Jamie's bizarre tactics, and then scared by a giant fake rat that comes crashing through the wall.
- Jamie plays a valet parker and X's a woman whose car he parks. He knocks out the window and claims it was because the keys were locked in the car and he has to get them out. She is irate.
(5:33:04)
AFV
- Funny cat clips
- Fountain sprays water behind an old lady and it looks like it is coming out of her ears
- Downhill Skiing vs Turtles Through Doorways. The distended abdomen clip is in this section.
- Guy laying in the sand gets his junk latched onto by a crab
- "Hot in Here" music montage
COPS.
- Thug tries to run from the police and is maced in the face. His face gets all shiny and ugly looking. The cops were originally called because he stole his brother's cell phone.
- Police are called to a store where a GIANT fat black man was caught shoplifting. He is being held in the back room and his gut and side are all hanging out. When he stands up and is being led out, his pants start falling down. Hilarious.
- Cops are called to a house where a young white couple in tie dye is fighting. She complains that he threw a cheeseburger at her. The cops resolve the fight and let him go.
- Redneck in a Florida Marlins baseball cap is pulled over. He gives the cop a sob story and lies about not having any drugs. When the police threaten to use a drug sniffing dog, he admits there is a blunt roach in the ashtray. He tries to give another sob story about his horrible life.
- Cops pull over a stolen vehicle. In the car are two females - a ghetto white trash chick who looks like a drug addict and a large dyke-ish black woman. They claimed they legally bought the car from a friend named New York Dave. Regardless, they are caught with a stolen vehicle.
- John Bunnell serves a warrant at a suspected drug house. They find a bunch of pot growing in the basement, along with a shitload of guns in boxes. The cops clean everything out, including the car, and leave a sarcastic voice message on the answering machine of the house.
*the tape starts to get fuzzy here because it's almost over*
COPS (cont)
- Man hides under a car and crawls out like an alligator. This is the beginning of the clip, the rest is not seen on the other tape. I left it on here because the tape was about to end anyway.
END OF TAPE
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