(00:00:00)
American Idol 4 - New Orleans auditions w/ Gene Simmons as guest judge
- David Brown's audition
- Fat gay guy sings and Simon doesn't like his image. He makes the guy sing behind a certain and still says no to him
- Creepy guy who looks like a magician or something sings Delilah and I Put a Spell on You
- Lindsay Cardinale audition
- White dorky guy who Simon thinks looks like a gymnast sings Dancing in the Streets and is awful
- Montage of bad singers
- Tall Arab man named Sundeep sings Eye of the Tiger
- The Incomprehensibles
- Leroy Wells audition. Can you dig it?
- The Malfetta twins are rejected
- Preview from upcoming episodes
(37:49)
Ripley's Believe it or Not
- Twins who are joined at the head. They both live together but have different jobs. One of them has a goal of becoming a country singer, so the Ripley's folks bring her to a recording studio and let her sing. It isn't very good.
- Young Arab girl who chews on her hair has an enormous 3 pound hairball removed from her gut
Police Videos
- Naked guy runs from the cops and asks them if they've ever seen Star Wars
- Wild traffic chase
GTA San Andreas commercial
Crank Yankers
- Man calls Alaskan woman asking her to be his compass buddy. He has her recite a funny little pledge
- Young woman calls an old black man who had put a personal ad out in the paper and says inappropriate sexual things to him
- Old geezer calls a travel agency looking to book a gay cruise
- Special Ed calls a cafeteria and asks "Do you have Jell-o?" repeatedly. Yay!! I love Jello.
- Radio station calls an office and asks a man to touch his co-worker's crotch and yell "I have the junk!" for a prize
- Pop Warner football coach is called by crazy guy who wants to sign his son up
- Man calls rabbi with questions about converting to Judaism. He pukes when they talk about circumcision and having to give up Christmas
(1:10:55)
COPS
- Woman calls 911 while people are breaking into her house and you can hear them in the background. The police arrive and find the two intruders shot by someone who was helping the occupants of the house.
- Police respond to a drive by shooting and find a hysterical woman covered in blood. Her boyfriend had been shot
American Idol 4 - Las Vegas auditions. Kenny Loggins is a guest judge
- Mikala Gordon audition
- Neil Diamond fan sings with a stabbing motion
- Bad singer montage
- Amanda Avila audition
- Richard Malfetta returns by himself to audition
Mad TV
- Crazy old lady named Lorraine gets into a car accident with a rich woman
American Idol 4 (cont)
- Bubbly girl who looks like Colleen from Survivor makes it through
- Guy who is way too old to be there auditions and says he's only 28
- Dino Yazzie's brother Dezzie auditions
- Another bad singer montage
- Fat psychic lady sings poorly
- Fat ugly lady sings but is actually good
- Mario Vazquez audition
(2:03:41)
Crank Yankers
- Special Ed calls Alcoholics Anonymous
- Rudy calls a clinic to ask inappropriate questions about breast feeding
- Elmer calls the mall to complain about how a group of "colored" kids knocked him and his wife over and slapped him while they were trying to get up
- Motivational speaker calls a restaurant for reservations
- Dumb Hawaiian calls a kid looking for a housesitter position
- Woman calls a telemarketing company looking for a job, and the man on the line makes her do funny voices
- Rapper guy calls a woman at the market asking dirty questions about peaches and roast beef curtains, and then hits on her
(2:22:40)
COPS
- 2 black people and a Mexican are caught trying to steal a bicycle by lifting it over a fence. They lie and say they were trying to throw the bike over the fence.
Clip from the movie Red Sonya. Sonya and an old man walk on the beach and talk
ESPN interview with Dwyane Wade where he talks about playing with Shaq. This is the same year they won the championship but beforehand
AFV. The Bob Saget years... sweet!
- Racers jump over a hurdle and into a big pool of water
- Bike racer runs into the camera
- Lady golfer hits a ball into the wind and it comes back to where it started
- Ping pong player crashes into a wall
- Man tries to catch frisbee on a motor scooter and crashes
- Little kid tries to direct some kind of story time video and gets mad when everyone messes up their parts
- Dictionary definitions of the words: balance, buoyancy, synchronize, confidence, bisect, and momentum.... which are paired with funny clips as they are read
- Boy jumps out of a box and scares mom
- Funny cat clips
- "It's Your Thang" music montage
- Raccoon bites sleeping man on nose
- Angry little girl bashes at a pinata relentlessly
- At the end it isn't shown who wins but that's okay because the final 3 clips all suck anyway as usual for AFV
Jeff Dunham special on Comedy Central
- First skit is about Melvin, the little boy who thinks he's a superhero
- The second skit is all Peanut
- The third skit involves Jalapeno on a stick coming out and interacting with Peanut
- Fourth skit is the cranky old man Walter
(3:03:30)
That depressing TV special about mistreated bears. At least they are rescued
COPS
- Man pulled over with a prostitute in his car. It's a trans woman who doesn't know who Jeffrey Dahmer is.
Medical Incredible on the Discovery Channel
- Lobster claw syndrome. A woman had only 2 fingers/toes on her hands and feet that look like lobster claws
- Woman takes an antibiotic and has an extreme reaction to it where she loses her outer skin
- Small segment about how people can grow horns
- People with Ehler's Danlos Syndrome that makes them flexible but also prone to having their bones pop out and become dislocated
- Elephant man and other overgrowth syndrome deformities are discussed. A man has feet that won't stop growing and has to have surgery. Also a black child with an enormous hand and finger.
- Man has fingers torn off in construction accident and has to have toes put on in their place. Also, leeches are used.
- Maggots used to cure open wounds and infections
(3:52:51)
American Idol 4. Cleveland auditions
- Fat ugly chick who looks like a troll auditions and she is actually good, but the judges say no
- Montage of bad people
- Scott Savol audition
- Mime audition... she doesn't actually sing she just mimes it. Simon jokes that it was better than most people.
- Weird guy in overalls sings
- Two enormous black women audition and are rejected because they are terrible
- Goth girl sings opera style is accepted because of her range
- Anthony Fedorov audition
AI4. Orlando auditions
- A bunch of bad people kick off the show
- Vonzell Solomon audition
- Montage of people who fake out their friends by hiding the yellow slips
- Dancing black guy who sings James Brown. Paula lobbies for him and the other judges begrudgingly say yes.
Crank Yankers
- Nun calls kids responding to a personal ad and they keep asking what she's calling about
- Black mother calls to complain about an old man hanging out in the ball pit with the kids and makes ball jokes
- Old man calls about wanting to join driving school so they can drive him around to run errands
- Indian man calls to complain that a dreamcatcher that he bought is giving him bad dreams
- Rudy calls a video store looking to rent porn and the guy is rude to him and insults him. Buttholestar Galasstica is one of the videos shown in the background
- Jack Osbourne calls him mom and tricks her to thinking he got arrested
(4:48:19)
AI4. San Francisco auditions. Brandy is a guest judge
- Mexican guy sings "Wanna Be Startin' Something" and sucks
- Feminine gay guy sings and sounds like a girl. Simon makes fun of him.
- Two crooner guys sing and are accepted
- Crazy Asian girl in fishnets is accepted
- Black boy makes it through and his mom collapses in excitement
- Gay guy in a mohawk sucks
- White rapper is denied
- Nadia Turner audition
- Belligerent white guy is denied and flips out and is a bad sport.
- White guy sings Chain of Fools and sucks
- White man sings We Are the Champions and they say he sounds exactly like Freddy Mercury
- Bad people montage
- JP Malfetta returns to audition and is denied
- Previews of the road ahead
COPS
- Old woman calls police on abusive alcoholic husband. He is brought into the station and cries and begs not to be locked up but he is anyway. The tape is pretty shitty here and it becomes unwatchable towards the end.
- Puerto Rican guy is arrested for roughing up a white man. The guy complains that he's only getting arrested because of racism and the cops agree sarcastically.
Discovery Health channel special about the emergency room. Boy severs his finger in shop class. This isn't a very long segment.
Family Matters. Urkel buys concert tickets and wants to take Laura as his date, but then has second thoughts when he realizes she doesn't care about him and only wants to see the concert. Carl is depressed because it's the one year anniversary of a hostage standoff where a man was killed. This is a sad one.
Family Matters. Urkel brings home an ape named Lowell. Carl starts working out. Tape ends like halfway through the episode.
END OF TAPE
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