Ah, the good old days of Nintendo 64. Back when this system was big, I was at perhaps the highest peak of my video game obsession. If I didn't own them, I had at least rented or played the majority of the games that had come out in the first few years of this system's life.
One of these games was Star Fox 64. I had played the original Star Fox for the SNES, but only when friends were visiting and brought their system over. I liked that game, but I was never truly good at it. Nor did I get to fully explore it to my heart's content.
I made up for that with its sequel, Star Fox 64. I had been super excited for the game. In the previews, it looked amazing. The graphics were far superior to nearly everything I had seen to this point in my life. There was 4-player capability. The game just looked flat out fun and much more fleshed out than its 16 bit counterpart. I know it sounds silly, but one of the things I looked forward to the most was the Rumble Pak. It was a device you inserted into your N64 controller to make the controller vibrate and rumble in your hands whenever you got hit or there was a big explosion on screen. I know that this is something we take for granted nowadays, but back then this was big stuff.
I got this game for my 15th birthday and immediately went to work. Would you believe that my initial thought on the game was disappointment? Sure the graphics were nice, But the thing that immediately stood out to me before I even began playing the game was the sound. Specifically: the voices. Man I hated those voices. They sounded tinny and canned, not anything at all like next gen voices should sound. Not only that but they were annoying too. Who hasn't wanted to slap Slippy upside the head a few dozen times while playing this game?
But I quickly shelved my concerns about the voice acting when I started playing the game. It was awesome. The Rumble Pak was cool, the controls were great. The levels were well designed and different stylistically from one another. There was a new wrinkle added to the game play where you could go into free range mode and not be stuck traveling in one direction anymore. You could even ride in a tank!
My main gripe (beside the voices) was the fact that I almost beat the game on my first attempt. And I probably would have if I hadn't had to share the game with people who were over for my birthday. My secondary gripe was the multiplayer mode. It ended up being a huge let down. The maps are too big and you could have a full game go on for 10 minutes and only wind up with one or two kills. After the awesomeness of Goldeneye and a few other games that I liked to play with friends, this was a disappointment as well.
I can't remember properly, but I think I did end up beating the game later on that first night. No one wants to beat a game right after getting it. Especially a brand new expensive game that you've been looking forward to for a long time. You want it to be an experience that lasts as long as possible. I dug deeper into the game and discovered all the different branches you can take in the game. There is the easy branch that I had completed. Based on certain acts or decisions you make during the game, you can go on different branches. Different branches = different levels. So it was like I still had a whole lot of game left to explore.
And that I did. Many times. Many, many, many times. In fact, over the years I think I have beaten Star Fox 64 more than I have any other game out there. I mastered this game. I got a medal on each and every level out there (medals are handed out based on the amount of kills you get per level). I unlocked every single thing that there is to unlock in this game. This was not an easy task. Not to toot my own horn, but I was amazing at this game.
As expected, I eventually stopped playing the game as newer and better games and systems came out. When I picked this up and played it yesterday, it had literally been ten years since the last time I had played it. Playing it again though, the memories and all the fun I had with this game came crashing back to me. It was like meeting an old friend again after half a lifetime has passed since you have last seen him.
Star Fox 64 is everything you want in a game. It is flat out pure and unadulterated fun. It is not the longest game ever. In fact after beating it on all three branches yesterday, I likely won't pick it up for another ten years. But it is fun. And what else can you ask for?
Gone are the shoddy (although revolutionary for its time) polygonal looking graphics of the SNES world. The world of Star Fox 64 is a big, detailed one. Everything just looks great. The water, the weapon effects, the surfaces (which have that charming N64 "glaze" on them), the detail level of the bosses and the enemies. Even now - no I can't say the graphics are perfect - but there is no denying that this game has withstood the test of time.
I had played this game so many times when I was younger that things I didn't even know I had forgotten about made me smile when I re-encountered them. The conversation and banter between the Star Fox crew and its enemies. The asteroid field special effects when you drive through the booster rings. The lava planet where you can't get too close to its surface. The Independence Day like level where you have to defeat a big ass ship hovering overhead. Katt and Bill. That fucking sub level (hated it when I was younger, aced it on one life now). The Star Wolf team. Shooting down the missiles before they can hit the Star Cruiser. Andross. So much classic shit is packed into this game.
When I finished all three game paths, I began to feel like I had no reason to continue playing. I had mastered the game as a kid. In fact I still have everything unlocked on my game cartridge. On none of my three play throughs did I even come close to getting a high score. The best I was able to get was 900 some kills, which wasn't good enough for even top ten on the leader board. In fact, the lowest score on the board was 1400 something. Jesus! And I thought I had done well in my old age. I don't even know how I got that many kills in one play through when I was younger.
As good as the game is, it will probably be shelved for a long time. Multiplayer is the only thing that might possibly have had me coming back, but that is useless and I don't really have many friends anyway. Sure I could play the game on all its paths again and try to get a high score, but what is the point? I have seen everything this game has to offer, and there really is no more reason to go on. It stinks that a game this epic is so short, and has such little replay value.
And it is an epic game. Make no mistake about it. I am going to give it an A+ no matter what, if only for all the great times I had playing this while younger. I definitely enjoyed myself while playing it again in 2015. It is just that nowadays I have bigger and better things to do than play the same game over and over again. But still, I look back on my teenage years playing this game with fondness. The late nights I spent up playing. The strategies I pushed to get as many kills as possible. The trip up north where my cousin and I must have played and beaten this game 20 times. Just simply discovering a new game path for the first time and being completely blown away.
Star Fox 64 has played a big part in my life. Its ship has likely sailed, but its legacy will live on in me forever.
I stated playing Candy Crush approximately a year ago today. I told myself that if I ever completed the game, I would write up a review for it. I never thought that day would actually come. While I haven't really "beaten" the game (I don't think it can be completed, as they keep periodically adding new levels to it) I have made it as far as you can possibly go. For now anyway.
I first heard about this game in the same manner that I am sure a lot of people first heard about it: through constant, annoying, unwanted, uninvited Facebook notifications. These notifications were always a pain in the neck to me. I'd think something important, or at least slightly amusing, would have happened on Facebook. But no, just another invitation to play this game. Ten minutes later: another one. An hour later, another one. It got to the point where I ended up blocking any and all Candy Crush notifications because they were really starting to piss me off.
About a year ago today, I finally emerged from the Stone Age and got a smart phone. I don't know when this game was released, but I assume it had been out for several years at this point. One of the first things to cross my mind after getting that phone was - hey I should download Candy Crush and see what all the fuss is about. I was kind of half joking to myself when I had this thought. I had no idea what the game was or what it was like. In fact, I am pretty sure I had it in my mind that I would hate it. But I needed to sate my curiosity.
Who would have thought that one year later, I would still be playing this game? Not only just playing the game, but obsessively playing it. If you have been reading this blog at all, you will notice that I like video games. I am also very good at them. I have a very fiery, competitive side of me that always wants to be the best at everything I do. I rarely am ever the best at anything, but if there is one area in life where I at least have a legitimate shot at this, it is in video games.
I really think the social aspect of the game, and striving to beat all of my friends has been what has fueled my desire to dominate this game. Plus the game is just damned fun.
As I mentioned, I didn't know what the game was like when I first started playing. Much to my surprise, it is a puzzle game that compares favorably to such classic titles at Tetris, Columns, Dr. Mario, and (my personal favorite) Dr Robotniks Mean Bean Machine. It is not completely like these games, but there is an element to Candy Crush that borrows heavily from a lot of these different titles.
The basic idea of the game is that you have a grid of different colored candy pieces. Match up three pieces of the same color, and they disappear, doing damage to whatever is in their vicinity. Most of the levels have different goals you must complete to move on. The basic level is the "jelly" level, where there are background pieces that are shaded grey, and you must make a combination over the top of them to destroy them. Other levels you simply have to get a high score. Others, you must navigate pieces of fruit which appear on the top of the screen down to the bottom of it. There are other level variations as well.
Your basic move is the three piece color combo. I wasn't aware of any of this coming in, but I quickly learned that there are other combinations as well. Get five colors in a row and you get a color bomb, which will destroy all of one specific color on the grid that you swipe it into. There is the striped candy, which is obtained by matching four colors in a row. This creates a striped candy which takes out every piece of candy in the same row as this piece. It took me a while to figure out that you can control the direction of the striped candy based on if you are moving a piece up/down or left/right to create the four color combination. The last thing you can create is a bomb, which can be made by making an L shape with your colors. Two up, two over, and then you slide a color in to the "elbow" making it five in a row, but bent. This bomb blows up I think 9 pieces around it, and then it falls down and blows up 9 more. Very useful. Eventually you will discover that if you can create these specialty pieces next to one another and combine them, that even more crazy things will happen.
There are some interesting impediments to your progress along the way. You will learn to hate chocolate pieces, which spawn relentlessly and take away your possible moves unless you destroy them. You will hate the bombs even more. These things run on a timer and if you can't destroy them by the time the timer runs out, you lose. There are black licorice pieces, which are basically wastes of space that block striped candy shots. Brick walls that you must make combos next to in order to break. The list goes on.
The game doesn't tell you any of this coming in either. So it really is learn as you go.
Candy Crush is very addicting. At first glance you wouldn't think it would be that difficult, but it is. There really is a lot of strategy involved in the way you tackle each level. And I love that aspect of the game. Of course, a lot of luck is required too. The graphics are cute and colorful. I like the music to the game as well. That little jingle that is used in most levels is pretty catchy. I'm even a fan of the announcer guy who says things like "tasty" and "sweet". My wife thinks he sounds like a creepo, but I would like to be this guy's friend.
The game itself is free, but it makes its money on micro transactions where you can buy items that help you along. Extra moves, hammers that remove one piece of candy of your choice, free swaps, etc. I told myself coming in that I would not spend a penny on the game, and miraculously I have managed to make it all the way to the end without purchasing anything. There is a wheel that you can spin once every day that gives you a free item, and I have taken full advantage of this, however.
The social aspect (and all of the annoying notifications) comes into play in many different ways. You can send your fellow players extra lives and extra moves. You can ask for these things as well. Also, at certain points in the game you will hit a roadblock where you must get the approval of three of your Facebook friends before you can move on to more levels. If you have dedicated Facebook Candy Crush friends like I do, the social aspect can be a lot of fun. I was surprised to learn that Evel Dick Donato from Big Brother 8 is an avid Candy Crusher and we often send each other crap and help each other out where help is needed. That's kind of neat.
I've had fun racing other friends as well. I was a late bloomer to this game, so by the time I first started it, most of my dedicated friends were far, far ahead of me. I honestly didn't think I would ever catch any of them. I eventually did though. A few of the friends attempted to keep up with me resulting in races to see who could separate from the pack the quickest. I won.
I've gotten to the end of the game several times, but you have to wait for the new levels to come out before you can continue playing. There are always 1 or 2 friends perpetually ahead of me because whatever device they use to play the game updates the levels faster than my phone does. I am okay with the fact that I have a few friends who can access the new levels before I can. I know that if we were to update at the same time, I would give them a run for their money. It is no big deal.
I like how the game designers find a way to add wrinkles to the game and make the new levels interesting. New elements are always being thrown in, like UFOs that dispense bombs, frogs that absorb colored candies, tornadoes that destroy whatever they land upon, and much much more.
My only gripe about the game is that every once in a while I seem to encounter a level or two (or three) that are nearly impossible to complete. Ones that start with bombs that have extremely short timers (usually walled in and protected from all sides) are the WORST. Some of these levels require extreme luck or trial and error before you can beat them. And then you get levels afterward that are so easy, anyone can beat them. There is a little consistency problem with the difficulty here, but I can't complain too much. The game designers have done a fine job with Candy Crush.
All in all, I am very glad I downloaded this game. It went from something I found an annoyance with all the Facebook notifications to something that I play every single day without fail. It is more addicting than crack. Not only is it fun to play, but the social aspect of it really brings out the competitive side in you as well. It is challenging too, which really kept me going. If it was too easy, I may have lost interest. Even when you have made it to the end of the game, there are added bonuses like jelly drops (which give you items when you collect enough of them) that keep you replaying old levels.
This sounds silly to say, but Candy Crush is a big part of my life now. A day doesn't pass where I don't play this game. Every time I have an annoying wait, like for the bus or for an appointment... even when I am just a passenger in the car with nothing to do I can fire up this game immediately lose track of time. It is great. I don't know how I lived my life before Candy Crush.
That's kind of a scary though actually. But hey - I have come to accept it for what it is.
People always say that light gun games are not as fun to play at home as they are in the arcade. I disagree. True, it definitely isn't quite the same. Having a gun in your hand at the arcade, blasting away at bad guys and reloading frantically in the middle of combat is a pretty unique gaming experience. I am sure there is a light gun for the Sega Saturn out there somewhere that you can play this game with and have a similar experience as if you were playing in the arcade, but I actually don't mind playing this at home with a controller in hand.
Virtua Cop 2 for the Saturn is basically a direct port of the arcade game, with a few minor changes added to make things a little different. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of the game, it is basically a "rail shooter". You can't move your character, but you can control a cursor on the screen that is basically your target reticule. Bad guys are constantly popping in at you from all directions, and it is your job to take them out.... or DIE! Don't expect very deep game play here. You point. You shoot. You reload. And that's about it.
You get about five or six shots out of your gun before you have to reload. In the arcade, you have to point the gun off the screen and fire to reload. On the Saturn, all you have to do is hit a button and it reloads for you. It definitely is a lot easier on the home console as you can basically keep on blasting away at your enemeies without having to reload affect your aim.
The thing that makes Virtua Cop immediately different from other games of this variety is the target that pops up around each enemy. The target changes color as the enemy is getting ready to shoot. So if there are multiple enemies on the screen, you want to take out the ones that are closer to firing at you first. Back in the day I didn't like this addition. I thought the target was too big and colorful and distracted from everything else going on. I had played other games like Lethal Enforcers and Area 51, and I considered this completely unnecessary. But hey I have grown to like it and now consider it an integral part of the Virtua Cop gaming experience.
In addition to the bad guys that appear on screen, there are also innocent civilians. Shoot one on accident and you lose a life. Unfortunately the bad cop strategy doesn't pay off in this game. The environments in this game take damage as well. I got shot a countless number of times while playing this game simply because I was too distracted firing away at background objects to see what my bullets would do to them. I don't know why, but there is just something incredibly fulfilling about blowing away an ATM, shooting drumsets on a stage, or picking out glass display cases rather than actually killing your enemies. My favorite level to shoot stuff on has to be the cruise ship. There is a branch that you can take to go to the ship's kitchen. In the kitchen, there are glasses and pots and pans hanging from the shelves that I take great glee in blowing away. But my favorite things to shoot have to be the watermelons that are sitting out on the countertops. Why is it so satisfying to fire away at them and watch them explode and scatter all over the place? I don't know, but even at the risk of getting hit by enemy fire I do it every time.
Enemies react appropriately (most of the time) based on where you shoot them. Shoot them in the leg and they go down, but still live. Shoot them in the belly and they hold their gut and hunch over. Hit them in the head, and it is game over for them. In fact, unless you hit them in the head, be prepared to shoot each enemy at least three times. This is simple stuff in games nowadays that we take for granted, but Virtua Cop as far as I know was one of the first games to do something like this.
So it is just a lot of fun to shoot things. Which is good, because it is a shooting game. Whether you are shooting bad guys, taking out the environment, or just going hog wild all over the place, you should have a good time. If you like this kind of game that is.
Don't expect too deep of a gaming experience. I don't know if there is a story to this game. As far as I know, you are a cop and you shoot bad guys. That's about all there is to it. And the game is very short as well. I believe I beat it in 26 minutes on my most recent play through.
As far as the game format goes, there are only three levels. Easy, medium, and (you guessed it) hard. The first level you break up a bank heist and end up hopping in a car and chasing the baddies back to their hideout. In the second level, you board a cruise ship and blow away more bad guys. On the final level, you head down into the subway system, blow away some bad guys, get on a subway, blow away some more bad guys, and enter a base where at the end you blow up a tank. Each level has its own boss at the end of it, but none of them are hard. At all.
After you have beaten all three levels (which you can play in any order) you face off against the game's final boss. He just flies around and you shoot him, while shooting down the projectiles he is launching at you. When you win, the game is over. Like I said, very short. Very simple. If you don't expect anything more than this out of Virtua Cop you should love the game like I do.
There isn't much to keep you playing, other than exploring different branches you can take in each level. But they all lead to the same places. There is also a two player mode which is probably a lot of fun. But I was never able to find anyone to play with.
Don't expect to beat the game on its default settings. True, the game isn't that hard but they don't give you nearly enough lives or continues to make it all the way through. I had to crank my lives and my continues up to 9 each, just to be sure I would be able to make it through okay. I think I got shot 30 or so times. So I had plenty of lives left over. But this definitely wouldn't have been enough to get me through on the default setting. I don't consider it cheating. I consider it like I had a pocketful of quarters at the arcade. I was not going to stop until I had completed the game.
There isn't much else to say about this. It's a quick, fun, light hearted experience. If you aren't a fan of the genre, don't go out of your way to get this. Even if you are a fan, I wouldn't bother spending more than a few bucks on this at the bargain bin. It's short and it is easy and there isn't a whole lot of replay value here. But it was a great arcade title and it definitely had a big influence on many games out there today. And it is definitely a lot of fun. I wasted more hours on the arcade and the home version of this game than I care to admit. For me, I consider this a fringe classic... but probably only because it has sentimental value to me. For everyone else, it is likely just a quaint little game that played its part in history and will be forgotten forever.
The fourth VHS tape in a line of many, many more to come
(00:00:00)
The Man Show - Doug's Mom Reviews Porn skit
MXC. Addicts vs Donors. I think I missed the very first part of this episode. I actually have the first part of this on Tape 14, but that's a ways away.
- Brass Balls
- Pole Riders. Apparently that's it for this episode. Why did I even bother recording just a little part of it?
MXC. Zoologists vs Reality Contestants
- Window Pain. Contestants swing from a rope across the water and try to latch on to a velcro wall. Kenny Babaganoosh is in this segment. Sweet!
- Dash to Death
- Loogie Launch.
- Endangering Species.
- Log Drop
MXC. Outdoors vs Educators
- Wall Bangers
- Sinkers and Floaters
- Window Pain. Haddash Babaganoosh is in this segment and actually wins the event!
- Pole Riders
- Log Drop
(00:36:38)
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Fake Celebrity Jeopardy skit. John Edward is played by Gilbert Godfried. A fake Martha Stewart and Arnold Schwarzenegger also play.
Trigger Happy TV. A lot of stuff goes on in this show. It's basically a hidden camera program where a lot of gags are played on the general public. Since there are a ton of clips, I shall just post the highlights!
- A man in a sad penguin suit is delivered to the dry cleaners
- Dog catcher searches a beach for wild shih-tzus
- Mail man in a Speedo delivers letters on the beach
Funny animal clips from some show on Animal Planet.
- Rooster picks on a dog
- Large dog drags small dog by the tail around the floor
Trigger Happy TV
- Sad duck stands outside a butcher shop
- Man sets up shop as a bathroom attendant outside a gas station rest room
- White woman dressed a a Native American tap dances and says it's a traditional dance.\
- Guy in a rat suit fights with a cook at a restaurant
- Cheerleader cheers on people in the subway station
- Man walks around a swimming pool and screams into a huge cell phone
- Political candidate on the street makes out with a baby
- Cheerleader cheers on a man pumping gas at a gas station
- Naked man gets on elevator
- Marching band follows a guy walking down the street
- Giant eyeballs walk around the beach
Crank Yankers
- Guy claiming to be a psychic calls a woman to give her a free reading, and doesn't get anything right about her
- Mexican guy calls a company and complains that Spanish should be the #1 choice after dialing the number, not English.
- Special Ed calls a woman and tries to get piano lessons. He plays the piano and sings horribly for her, pissing the woman off. Yayyyy!
- Old man who someone had made a donation in his name calls the charity and wants to know where he can pick up his money
- Prank caller named the Truth calls a sportscaster and wants to be hired as part of the team
(1:17:08)
COPS
- Crazy old drunk black man keeps calling 911 for no reason, bringing the police to his house.
- Cops encounter a drugged up shirtless guy on the street who is totally bugging out. He spouts a lot of nonsense, such as "We're going to war. They're eating the babies. Look at the sky!" He tries to run from the police and gets taken down.
- Suicidal dude stands in an alley and threatens to stab himself. He has a shirt with a swastika on it and is holding a bottle of alcohol in his other hand. He's batshit crazy too. "Officer Campbell? Do you make soup? Why don't you go home and make soup? I have no reason to live!" He is tackled and arrested. These are some good COPS clips. I love the crazy people!
(1:30:05)
Dave Chappelle - a parody of the anti drug commercial about a bunch of stoned guys at a drive thru who run over a little girl.
COPS
- YES! This is the clip I've been waiting for. The police are called to the house of a woman who thinks there are people in her attic. The cops come in and check it out, but no one is there. The funny thing about this one is the woman. Holy crap. Another loon! She's really old and has a raspy voice you can barely understand. Makeup is smeared all over her face. She has giant Coke bottle glasses, and says a lot of weird shit. "They're coming to capture me. They've been coming here for years." Insane people rule.
- Officer catches two people having sex in a car. The guy involved lies to the cop, presents a fake ID and gets arrested.
- The police respond to a stabbing incident. The suspect is arrested with little fanfare.
- Cops are called in to a dispute between a black family and a Middle Eastern family. The two families don't get along and argue and fight and come on each other's property all the time.
MAD TV
- Crazy woman works at a Valentine's Day candy store. She falls in love with a weird nerd boy who comes in shopping for his mother, and she pukes. Then they make out. Nice.
(1:55:49)
Clip of Barbara singing on Inspiration Time. After her song, Hilton sings. The song cuts out halfway through it and cuts to Hilton speaking to the audience and quoting scripture.
COPS.
- The police set up a sting operation for thieves at a subway station. An undercover officer staggers around, pretending to be drunk and unresponsive while flashing some bling bling. When people try to take his things, they get arrested.
- Police go under the subway and investigate the area where homeless people live.
- Cops pull out a body that got hit by a subway train
- Police respond to a brawl at the subway station. A guy got stabbed and had part of his bowel hanging out.
- Another sting operation with the drunk undercover officer. This one takes place on a moving subway car.
(2:18:23)
Family Feud spoof on Comedy Central. A fake Louie Anderson hosts. Boxer vs Wrestler team. This clip cuts out about halfway through.
COPS.
- The police organize a raid on a drug house and arrest a bunch of people
MAD TV
- Miss Swan goes to a gay bar and sings Dancing Queen
(2:33:17)
COPS
- Police are called to remove a bat from a house. They struggle immensely with this. It's funny.
Clip of a man praying at a Hilton Griswold event.
COPS
- Police respond to a traffic accident. They have to use the jaws of life to get someone out who is trapped inside the car.
Clip of some news special with Princess Di's secret recorded voice diaries.
COPS
- The police arrest a young black man who was selling drugs on the streets of Philly. He tries to run and proclaims his innocence. They arrest the white woman who was buying from him too.
- The police are called to a house where a man is holding down a wild dog who was trying to bite people. SpokAnimal comes and takes the dog away.
- Cops talk to a couple of old guys who are out camping. The old men are asked if they have a gun in the truck and they lie about it and get caught.
(3:00:51)
MXC. Hoteliers vs Entrepreneurs
- Dirty Muddy Balls. Players jump into a mud pit and try to catch a ball that's launched into the air.
- Saddle Sores. People in roller skates and giant horse suits race toward the finish line. At the end of the first race, Someone falls out of their suit as they cross the finish line.
- Staff Infectors. Players must knock each other into the water with giant swabs.
- Rotating Surfboard of Death. Minibal Bababanoosh is in this segment :)
(3:17:35)
COPS
- The police respond to a domestic disturbance call. An old couple is verbally arguing. The police can't really do anything about it though, because they are both married and have lived in the same house for 28 years. The old man, who is crazy by the way, gets irate at the police and says he's going to write a letter and send a video to his congressman about this.
- A black man on crutches tries to run from the police. He doesn't get far. He tries to jump into a random moving car and gets dragged before falling to the ground and getting arrested. "I wuz scared!"
- A ghetto white dude who looks like Eminem is caught digging a hole in his yard. He was trying to bury a bong and other drug paraphernalia.
MXC. Spring Break Extravaganza: Battle of the College Chicks
- A football type game where players grab a ball and try to run past a bunch of padded up dudes
- Sinkers and Floaters
- Ball Busters
- Log Drop
(3:46:18)
COPS
- The police try to break up a fight outside a bar between a bunch of black people. When one of the girls is being restrained, a guy jumps on the back of an officer to pull her away. He gets tazed and everyone is arrested.
- An officer pulls over a car that rolls through a stop sign. The car reeks of marijuana, and blunts are found in the car. When the cop questions the driver about pot, the driver says that it's healthier than cigarettes, and he wouldn't mind being on an airplane where the pilot was high.
- A white male in an orange shirt is arrested after a domestic violence call is placed. He claims that he was punched in the face first. He is arrested and that's it. It's a short clip.
- A crazy, irate white dude is arrested after assaulting an Arab gas station attendant
- White trash neighbors fight over keeping their yards clean
JKX
- A guy is set up with a cross dresser on spring break, much to his dismay.
- Spring breakers are tricked into thinking they are going to see a free Creed concert. Instead they get Kris Kreed. "I'm high, I'm high on life..."
- Judge Jamie. A woman sues her friend for wrecking her car.
- Jamie annoys people at a restaurant with his loud cell phone ringer. He also yells and sings into the phone. "You're a poser.... I don't really need you - rock and rooooooll, yeah!!"
- Jamie tricks an audience viewing a screening for a fake version of his TV show
Spy TV
- A guy selling ice cream claims that the money people are paying him is counterfeit
- A group of guys help a woman break into a car and then take the blame when she runs off with the stereo and the cops come
- Blackjack scam on the golf course
- Security guards are tricked into keeping workers from escaping from a factory
- Mom is tricked into thinking her son is in a port-a-potty that gets lifted by a helicopter
JKX.
- Jamie dresses up as Brad Gluckman and tries to convince a family to let him move in
- Jamie X's a yoga class
(5:11:35)
Spy TV. This is the farting chair in a waiting room skit.
COPS.
- Kodiak City! A couple crazy drunk Alaskan women get in a bar fight and are taken off by the cops. They are really fucking nuts. I need a fan down here, bastards!
- Jessie! A crazy old blond lady is arrested for being verbally abusive to the cops. She's drunk too.
JKX - Judge Jamie takes a case about a restaurant owner who sues an employee for breaking a counter
Skateboard Show.
- Guys go fishing in a Japanese Tea Garden
- Man walks around with a leaf blower and annoys people
- Skateboard delivery man delivers packages and wipes out
- Man takes a giant piece of meat into different stores and tries to get his money back for it
- Tom Green and a bunch of skateboarders eat horse poo and mess with people
COPS
- Crazy old white guy threatens some fat black women with a knife. The cops are called and they take him down. A unibrow of blood forms across his forehead. This dude is really nuts.
Jerry Springer - Weirdo black guy tries to control a fat white prostitute with money\
AFV
- Upside down cat stretches
- Kiss Me Montage
- Cat meets dolphin
- Cat squeezes into a bottle
- 27 punches in 23 seconds
- Wedding cake mishap montage
COPS.
- Police officer dresses up as Coco the Clown to catch prostitutes. "Loan me the money." Crack whore eating french fries.
- Other prostitution strings where johns are taken down. The first john arrested is a truck driver in a Jerry Rice jersey. The second is an old man.
- More Coco stings. Crazy lady is arrested. The last lady arrested is a white trash chick who is in town to bury her parents
- Rudy! Cops pull over a car where a jaded criminal is hanging out with an under aged transexual.
(6:14:41)
JKX.
- Jamie plays an old waiter at a restaurant in a motorized cart. He messes up a lot, and loses control of his cart and runs into tables.
Spy TV
- Dude at a gym acts as an annoying personal trainer who pisses everyone off
- Old people at a mall take a quiz where inappropriate questions are asked. My favorite part of this segment is when an old white dude is asked if he prefers to kick it or chill while he's at his crib. He gets a confused look on his face and says "I haven't been in the crib since I was a baby."
- Dude in a panda suit harasses people at a mini golf course
- Man takes a car on a test drive and uses the vehicle to run his errands. The salesman, who is in the car with him, gets really pissed off after a while.
JKX
- B-Rad annoys people at a golf course.
- Jamie plays a tour bus driver who takes tourists into Bob Saget's home without his knowledge. There is weird stuff in his house, like a pig's head in the refrigerator and a whole shitload of homemade porn videos. Bob Saget comes home and is pissed off because he did not give them permission to enter his home. It's funny.
- Jamie hires an Asian man to fire people for him. A lot of people get pissed at the Asian guy, including an old man and a lady in a wheelchair.
(6:46:19)
COPS
- The starer clip. A man claims that two prostitutes stole his wallet. The hookers are arrested, including a poofy haired chick who just can't believe it. She stares at the cops and has to get wrestled to the ground when she tries to get away. Then the guy is also arrested for soliciting prostitution. Dumbass!
A very short South Park clip where Timmy is singing on stage with a heavy metal band
AFV
- Pop goes the Weasel music montage of people getting hit in the face with corks among other things
- Bucking Broncos vs Kids Sleeping on Toilets
- Fat person floating in pool looks like she's dead
- Guy gets hit in crotch with baseball
- Little boy tries to cross a river and keeps falling down in the mud
- 28 Glass Breaks in 26 seconds
- Ferret steals socks
- Cat won't step through a door after the glass has been removed. She has to wait for it to be opened.
- Gorilla picks it's nose and eats it
- Blur: Song 5 music montage of extreme sports mishaps
JKX
- Judge Jamie. A man sues another man for not paying after he installed 5 French doors in a home for him. Apparently the job was not done properly. The judge has a hard time understanding the case and keeps getting confused because the plaintiff used to work at a sports bar.
- Jamie plays a bizarre driving teacher who instructs a girl who looks like a young Helen Hunt. He goes to visit his wife on the route, and she beats on the car with a baseball bat, scaring the girl. On the way back he gives his brother, a crossdresser, a ride. The girls looks mortified.
- Jamie plays a wine conossieur who is coming off surgery and has his mouth wired open. He attends a wine tasting event, and spills the wine all over the place because of his mouth. He gets really drunk and makes a fool out of himself.
- A young dude visits Jamie, a psychic. Jamie tells him he will meet the love of his life at a party. When the dude goes to the party, Jamie dresses up as a woman and tells him that he is his soulmate.
Spy TV
- Pizza delivery drivers get caught in a high tech laser security system
- May Pat Morita use your bathroom?
- The Talkie Bot 5000 scene, The Talkie Bot is a robot at a toy store that is supposed to respond to voice commands. It doesn't work very well.
- A hand pops out of the dryer at a bathroom and scares people.
Funny clip of a group of Christians singing on stage. One of the people is a fat female who looks like she has Down Syndrome. Another person is a kid who looks gay, and is VERY into the song.
(7:42:23)
AFV
- Funny graduation clips
Funny Game Show Moments
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is on the Dating Game
- The host of a show tells a girl she has pretty nipples
- Where is the strangest place you've ever made whoopie? "In the ass."
- Anne Robinson from Weakest Link starts laughing in the middle of a round of questions
- Horrible Family Feud answers
- Blond shemale is caught buying drugs
Spy TV
- Ralphie May proposes to his girlfriend at a restaurant and she rejects him while the restaurant patrons are videotaping for Ralphie.
- A face behind a mirror in a public bathroom scares people
JKX
- Jamie proposes to his girlfriend in front of an audience at a college basketball game and gets rejected. They bring him out at halftime to participate in a free throw shooting game to win free tickets and he fails miserably and gets booed.
Spy TV
- People get tickets as they pull into parking spots in front of an expired meter. They don't even have chance to put money in.
- Two girls who order a cake come to pick up the cake, and the wrong name is written on it. Instead of Sanam, the cake reads Satan.
The Mega Man series is unique for me because I never actually owned a Mega Man game growing up. But I still view the first title as an NES classic and one of the best side scrollers out there. I was only ever able to play this game when visiting a friend's house (Brian, lived across the street from me, a real trouble maker.... what ever happened to him?). I don't think I ever beat the game either. We were just little kids, about 5 or 6 years old, and this game was fucking hard. Aside from the first game in the series, I have only played Mega Man 2. So there is a whole lot of Mega Man out there that I have yet to experience.
Despite the fact that I have never owned a single game in the series and haven't played a Mega Man title past number two, I still think it is awesome. I love the graphics, I love the music. I love all the bosses and how you have to fight them in a certain order to make the game more manageable to complete. And believe it or not I like the difficulty too. True, this game is very difficult. If you are not an accomplished gamer, don't expect to pick this up and have any kind of success whatsoever with this title. Mega Man is notorious for its brutal difficutly, but that is also part of what makes it so memorable.
About 7 or 8 years ago, I picked up the Mega Man Anniversary Collection disc for the Nintendo Gamecube. I think it is 8 something Mega Man titles all on one disc. Having never owned a Mega Man game growing up, I thought that this was the perfect opportunity to catch up on all the fun I never had the chance to have as a kid.
I played through the first two titles pretty quickly. They were difficult, but manageable. Especially in the internet age where I could just look up what order to play the levels in, what weapons are the best to take down each boss, things of this nature. But for whatever reason I stalled out and never got around to playing Mega Man 3. This was, like I said, about 7 or 8 years ago. Inexcusable!
Now I am out to remedy that mistake. In the next year or so I plan to play through every Mega Man title on the disc, starting with the original Mega Man. And what a game the original is.
Firing this up, I was immediately transported back to the 80's. I became that little snot nosed video game obsessed kid again who could only play Mega Man at his friend's house. Except I am a lot better of a player now, and was able to tackle this game with relative ease. I will admit that I did cheat and look up the order in which to play the levels. I did look up boss strategies. Sue me. I could have opted to go in blind (since it has been so long since I have played this) but I have sooo many other games to play - it could have taken me days to master this on my own. People had Nintendo Power back in the day to help them out, so whatever. I don't feel guilty about it.
This game still holds up remarkably well. There is a reason they have recently made Mega Man 9 and 10 in the mold of the NES classics. Because they are fucking classics. The game has a very simple look, but it never seems too primitive or old fashioned.
Mega Man looks nice. The enemies are all varied and well designed. The levels each have their own unique looks and feels. And the controls are just as responsive as ever. You can never blame the controls when you die in a Mega Man game (and you will die many many times). Mega Man moves exactly in tune with the controller. If you die, it is because of your mistake and your mistake alone.
The real challenge of the game - to me anyway - isn't in the fighting. Sure there are some tough stage enemies but they can mostly be dispatched pretty easily. Same with the bosses as well. They all have patterns that they follow and can be very easy to predict. The real challenge comes from the platforming. You have to be spot on with your jumping game, or you have no chance.
So much of the game is jumping from platform to platform, from ledge to ledge, ladder to ladder. Yeah the enemies can (and will) kill you on occasion, but most of my deaths came from falling to my oblivion. There were many points in the game where I thought - no way can I do this. Only to completely master the section a handful of lives later. The first fucking stage there is this platform that flips up when you are riding on it, and you have to jump a gap in the tracks and land back on it when it flips down. That is hard enough - a little while later there is a whole series of gaps in the track. I was like "omfgas;aks;1wop12i1[wq,pl[kl2kew" when I first tried to complete this section. I thought there was no way I could do it. But just stick in there, and you will soon see that anything that the game puts in front of you is possible to master.
You can play each stage (except for the final one) in any order you please. You must defeat the boss of every stage, gaining their powers as you go on. Depending on the order you play the levels in, certain boss fights are made easier depending on which other boss's power you have. For example the powers of Ice Man will help you defeat Fire Man. So if you attempt to defeat Fire Man first, you may have a harder time beating him then you would if you had tackled Ice Man previously.
When you are finally done with each one, you head to the final stage (which is really 4 stages in one) where you must once again defeat each boss, and then face off against Dr Wily at the end of the game. This battle took me several attempts before I finally beat him, and then I learned that the fire weapon makes his HP shoot down to nothing in like 5 seconds if you use it properly. So he is really not that hard if you know how to beat him. Which really goes for this entire game. It really isn't that hard if you know what to do. And having a wicked gaming skill set doesn't hurt either.
I don't know if this is a Mega Man Collection only thing or not, but the game often saved at various points as I played. There was also an unlimited number of continues at my disposal. I know the original Mega Man didn't save, but I wonder if there were unlimited continues in that game too, or if you had to start from the beginning after you ran out of lives. That would make the game REALLY difficult. It would diminish my accomplishment of beating the game in about an hour or two if I found out that you did not actually have unlimited continues in the original game. But hey, ignorance is bliss. And right now I am running with it. I totally owned this game, yo!
If I haven't made it clear already, I really like this title. It goes down in the annals of NES classics as a top twenty title, for sure. And the scary thing about Mega Man is that the sequel is even better. So I am in for a real treat whenever I decide to move on to the second game. I'm giving this game a solid A. Not an A+, because that would indicate that the game can not be improved upon. And I know that from playing the sequel, the Mega Man formula can indeed be improved upon. Plus the game is really short.
But Mega Man, yes. A classic. I am so glad I have this series in my life now. And I can not wait to play more.
I have had a lot of fun with the Arkham games in the past. Arkham Asylum was very original for its time and brought Batman to life like I have never seen before. The setting was terrific, it was loaded with great villains. The game was just flat out fun to play. Arkham City took what was offered in the original game and upped the ante, moving Batman out into the city and giving him larger territory to explore.
Unfortunately, for me Arkham Origins doesn't do enough to separate itself from the first two entries in the series. It is just far too similar to Arkham City. There aren't any new ideas. The moves and the controls are all the same. The battles are just as button mashingly tedious and plentiful as they were before. This game may even have the most hand to hand combat of all the Arkham games, and that is not a good thing. Everywhere you turn you have to fight, and it is just the same punching and countering shit for hours on end.
When you aren't fighting, you are solving crimes by analyzing crime scenes (another idea lifted straight from Arkham City) and solving Riddler puzzles (sound familiar?). The game doesn't do anything new or original. It's like the people who made the game just said - if it ain't broke don't fix it. But it is far too unoriginal for me to have serious fun with.
Not to say I didn't like it. I love Batman, and this game was definitely good for story purposes. It tells of Batman in his early days fighting crime. He must dodge assassins and get to the bottom of a new massive threat in Gotham City. Many villains are introduced like the Penguin, Black Mask, Bane, and Killer Croc. But in the end it is the Joker who steals the spotlight for the third Arkham game in a row. The Joker this time around was actually played by the same guy who voiced Joel in the Last of Us and Booker Dewitt in Bioshock Infinite. He does a pretty good job, I must say. Disappointing though that Batman has been replaced. It just isn't the same without Kevin Conroy.
The graphics are absolutely amazing. I can't believe that people are buying new consoles when games look THIS good on the PS3 still. The city is huge, the characters are detailed. The environments are haunting and authentic. The level of detail put into this game is truly astounding, I must say. The Christmas like environment is really beautiful. I love how it is set during the holiday season.
The cutscenes are really cool too. And also this game includes bigger and better boss battles. Larger explosions and chaos on a more massive scale than anything seen in the past games. Also like in previous Arkham games, Batman takes damage as the game goes on. But in this one, he really looks like he is hurting and has been through hell by the time you get to the end of it.
I think one of the things that rubbed me the wrong way with the game is that the tone of it has changed. I have played Arkham Asylum and City in the past. Of the two I have played Arkham Asylum twice, the last time was a few months ago. With that game fresh in my mind, it made glaringly obvious the differences between this game and that one. Arkham Asylum is more personal and focused of a game. There are lots of creepy and intense moments. It is more introspective in tone.
This game is all about big battles and explosions and zipping around the city in grand fashion. The action is way over the top and comic book like. Which is fine. But I prefer the more dark and personal feel of Arkham Asylum. The game also feels like one giant fetch quest. There are little things to find all around the city. Literally, all over the city. You can spend hours and hours on end collecting everything, and not even touch the main story. It's infuriorating because I always tell myself I am just going to get one more thing and then stop playing. And then I keep playing. I get sucked in.
It's cool if a game sucks you in, right? It is, but not when it is wasting hours at a time collecting essentially meaningless artifacts from all over the city. I guess I am trying to say it effects the pacing of the game. There are a lot of side quests too, so it always feels like there is way too much going on at one time.
There is so much to unlock in this game, that when I finished the main story my completion rate for the game was only 38%. It felt like I had been playing this game FOREVER and I still was only at 38%. I can't fathom popping the game back in and playing it to 100% completion. No. Just no.
I guess it does sound like I am being very harsh on the game. To be fair, if I had never played any of the other Arkham games before - and this was my first experience with the series - I would have said it was bloody brilliant. It's a very high quality game, great to look at and fun to play. The story is a Batman fan's wet dream. The size and scale of the game is beyond epic.
It is a very well done game. It is just flat out not original. And that hurts it majorly. There were almost no tweaks made to the game play. It could be the same game as Arkham City, practically. The item fetching is tiresome, as well as the non stop punching and countering battles the game is littered with.
So it is a mixed bag for me. I think a C fits it perfectly. It is too well made of a game to give it anything lower. It is too much of a rehash of old series ideas to grade it any higher. This is one of the most middle of the pack games I have ever played. Truly just one little small deciding factor away from either being very good or really annoying.
Before I began watching Breaking Bad I had some really awful preconceived notions about what the show was going to be like. The show was wildly successful, but the whole idea of it didn't particularly jive with me. You hear about a show that is described as: high school teacher with cancer cooks crystal meth to pay for his medical treatment. It sounds like a terrible premise. Or at the very least, an extremely odd one.
What did I think the show was going to be like coming in? I imagined a lot of white trash, a lot of meth heads. Loads of drug use. Low brow stuff that didn't really interest me. I guess I thought it was going to be a redneck drama that catered to the same type of people that watch Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty on a religious basis. I think a lot of people have the same thoughts too. My wife, for example. She WILL NOT watch Breaking Bad because she says the premise sounds so awful. I have told her she is wrong, I have told her how much I enjoyed the show. Whatever she thinks it is - it is not. And my words are absolutely not getting through. If she has the same preconceived notion about the show and refuses to watch it, just imagine how many people out there are doing the same thing?
I will admit that I didn't think the show sounded good. But I had heard so much about it and how great it was supposed to be. I like trying new things, experiencing different forms of entertainment. Despite what I thought the show was going to be like coming in - I still gave it a shot.
And I was very glad I did. Breaking Bad may be my favorite TV show of all time. In fact, as I write this blog entry, I have watched the entire series from start to finish two whole times.
I will note that I did not have cable TV when I started watching the show. Three seasons were already available on Netflix, however. While I was in the middle of season two, season four was added to Netflix as well. So right off the bat, I had access to almost the entire series.
This was great. I didn't have to deal with the annoyance of commercials. I didn't have to wait a week between episodes; a year between seasons. I could watch as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted. I'm not much of a binge watcher, but binge watch this I did. It is very rare to find a show that I can binge on and watch endlessly like this. Usually I am the type of person who watches one or two episodes of something here or there. The only other shows that come to my mind that I rapid fire wached like this are Battlestar Galactica and Lost.
Right off the bat, I knew this was going to be good. The first episode started with a random pair of pants flying in the breeze. Walter White with a gun, looking like he was going to blow his own brains out. I was hooked. I had to know how this had come about, and what was going to happen next.
Everything just feels so natural with this show. Walt is a good guy. Perhaps a little bit nice in a boring way, and a bit timid. But he's got a quaint little family. A loving, pregnant wife. A damaged but adorable son who he loves more than anything. Nice sister in law. A friendly and outgoing brother in law. In addition to his job as a chemistry teacher, he also works part time at a car wash.
Walt is living a regular everyday life. But he doesn't mind. He hates the car wash, but everything else is A-OK in his world. But over time he develops a chronic cough that just won't seem to go away. He decides to get checked out, probably expecting it to be just a minor problem.
What he doesn't expect is his whole life to get turned upside down. He has lung cancer, and the prognosis does not look good. If he wants to have any chance at survival he has to undergo chemotherapy and surgeries which will be so expensive it will put the family in the poor house for years and years to come. And that doesn't even guarantee his survival. Walt decides to keep the cancer from his family while he copes with the situation and comes to terms with his own mortality. Eventually he will tell them... when the time is right.
Walt's brother Hank is a DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency, for those who are ill informed) agent and is constantly telling Walt and his family how much cash these drug dealers whom he busts make. You can see the thought process begin to form on Walt's face. He is a chemist. He could learn how to do this and make enough money to pay for his treatments. His family might not ever even need to know he is doing it.
Walt goes on a ride along with Hank while the house of a drug dealer is being raided. Walt, not being law enforcement, is forced to wait in the car while the sting operation proceeds. He sees a former student of his, Jesse Pinkman, jump out of a window and take off down the street, unseen by all but Walt. He has found his in to the business.
Walt and Jesse hook up and begin cooking meth in the back of Jesse's RV. Jesse is a young, brash kid who makes stupid decisions that often threaten to blow Walt's cover. But Walt needs him. There is no point in making meth if you can't sell it - and Jesse has connections.
So kicks off one of the most intense series I have ever seen in my life. Walt and Jesse are constantly under fire from outside sources. Fellow drug users, drug dealers, family, the cartel, and mainly Walt's own DEA brother in law Hank. Trouble seems to come their way everywhere they turn. And that is the fun of the show. Breaking Bad constantly keeps you on the edge of your seat, just waiting for the house to come tumbling down. You know it is going to happen, you just don't know how or when.
And just when you think it is game over - Walt and Jesse come up with some crazy plan and come out unscathed. Until they don't.
It is also quite fascinating to watch Walt's descent into evil from minor league meth cook to big time drug kingpin. These changes are not only reflected in his attitude and demeanor, but in his appearance as well. Walt starts out as this Ned Flanders looking nice guy who balks at the possibility he would have to kill someone. He morphs into a bald headed, goateed, fedora wearing badass who will do whatever it takes to stay alive and keep on making that $$$$.
The show is littered with a ton of great moments. The first person Walt kills, he and Jesse have to find a way to dispose of the body. Walt decides to dissolve him in acid, and has Jesse dump the body and the acid into a container that the acid will not eat through. Jesse can't find a proper sized bin, so he just uses the second floor bathtub. Aaaaaaaand the acid eats through the bathtub and collapses onto the floor below it. Blood, guts, chunks of bone and other undefinable pieces of human anatomy splatter all over the place.
My jaw nearly hit the floor. And that was only episode two. I liked the show already, but I had decided at that point that this show was totally amazing. And it just kept getting better. So many great characters and big villains. So many big, heart stopping moments. Jane's death. The boxcutter. Gale. The Fring explosion. Hank's discovery. That incredible finale.
The show is a nonstop roller coaster ride from beginning to end. Even the slow parts, such as Walt sitting down to dinner with his family, are loaded with significance and a certain level of underlying tension. Here you have a normal family man who is keeping from his family the biggest secret in the world. And it is the weight of that secret that really carries the show. On my rewatch of the show, I paid extra close attention to Walt and the way he interacted with his family. And I just couldn't wait for it all to collapse. I'm sadistic, I know. But it really is a fascinating process.
The longer the show goes on, the darker it gets. Walt starts out with honest intentions. He just wants to pay his medical bills and not be in the poor house. But then when he sees how much money is in this, he gets greedy. He falls in with the wrong people, all of whom want to exploit him for his ability to make the most chemically pure meth ever seen. He has to backstab, manipulate, and kill before he himself can be killed, but he pulls it off and rises to the top quickly. And still he doesn't want to stop. One of the best moments of the show for me was when he told his wife that it stopped being about the money a long time ago. He liked doing it. It made him feel more alive than he had ever felt. And I can totally relate to that.
It feels weird to root for such a bad guy, but if you like the show, you can't help but do it. The atmosphere of this series is something the likes of which I have never experienced on a television show before. It is very well written, very well paced. There is never a dull episode. Even the infamous fly episode has its redeeming qualities. Considering the show is 5 seasons long with about 13 episodes a season, it is quite impressive that it could chug along so far with only one (debatable) clunker episode. It is the ultimate binge worthy show.
I am hard pressed to name a favorite show of all time. If you'd asked me a few months ago I probably would have said Lost or Battlestar Galactica. But now, having watched Breaking Bad twice, it could very well top the list. I didn't think I could enjoy the show any more than I did the first time, but watching it again from the beginning I think I enjoyed it twice as much. There is so much to pick up on. So many things that all fit into place. It is a genius series.
Best TV show of all time? It could very well be. I strongly suggest anyone who has not watched this series to check it out immediately. Don't let the description or the shaky sounding premise dissuade you. Unless you have hideous taste and don't like the show, it will change your life.
