I thought I lost this tape for the longest time. That would have thrown a monkey wrench into my entire VHS numbering system. But I didn't, so I can breathe a sigh of relief. Here are the contents of this tape:
(00:00:00)
COPS
- Cops find meth lab in a camping site. There is a blowtorch running unattended in one of the tents when the cops show up. A police dog finds a man hiding in the woods and he is arrested.
- Cops spot a truck on the side of the road, and inside the truck one lesbian has another in a chokehold. The choker is arrested.
- Cops talk to a bloody faced Hispanic guy after he was beaten by 2 men
Hell's Kitchen season 1. This is the very first dinner service, which to be expected is terrible. The chef mocks some blonde bimbos who come up to the window to complain. He also calls Dewberry either an overgrown muffin or Muppet. I can't tell which. The Red Team loses and Elsie goes back on her word and nominates Dewberry after saying she wouldn't. But he stays and the useless redhead chick goes home.
Hell's Kitchen season 1. This is the second episode. Dewberry forgives Elsie, and proceeds to shine in a squid cleaning reward challenge. Jeff is sick and it shows during dinner service. The service sucks all around and Dewberry storms out and threatens to leave. He comes back but the Red Team still loses. Angry customers order pizza and get in Jean Philippe's face when their food doesn't show up. Dewberry and Jeff are nominated, and Dewberry goes home. Dewberry was my favorite. So sad. :(
(1:18:20)
Carrie Underwood sings Inside Your Heaven on Ellen
Commercial for the American Idol tour at the Bradley Center. I almost bought tickets to this but then I didn't. Good thing because Bo didn't come on the tour with illness.
Angelina Jolie's eccentricities discussed on Access Hollywood
Elimidate. Young women are tricked into thinking they are on a date with an old man, but it's really his son they are being setup with.
Insider clip about a woman who was mauled by her own horse. She is badly scarred and undergoes surgery.
Hell's Kitchen. This is just a short clip from the third episode. Contestants talk about missing Dewberry, and that's it. I lost interest after Dewberry left.
(1:32:00)
Saturday Night Live. Christopher Walken hosts
- Has a monologue where he sings a song
- Classic clip with Blue Oyster Cult and the song needing more cowbell
- Christopher Walken plays a sleazy guy who tries to seduce the woman behind the camera
- Mango hit on by a janitor backstage
Surreal Life. This is the season with Janice Dickinson and Omarosa. The houseguests bowl against mentally handicapped people and lose. Omarosa is surprisingly good with them, but Janice says offensive things.
(2:08:37)
Celebrity Fit Club 2. Busey!
- The two teams come up with their names
- Contestants go to a gym and compete in a boxing challenge
- Gary fights with his team over a prayer after they win
- Contestants weigh in
- Jani doesn't lose any weight
- Gary's team loses more weight
Punk'd
- Simon Cowell punked into thinking his Rolls Royce is stolen
- Allen Iverson not allowed into his own birthday party at a club, while other people are being let in
- Jermaine O'Neal not allowed into the same party
(2:53:26)
COPS
- Lady is pulled over on a traffic stop, and it is discovered that she has 13 warrants. She is arrested, despite her crying and pleading to be let go.
- Cops pull over a speeding car and they throw marijuana out the window. When the car is searched, more marijuana is found hidden in a Bible.
Family Matters. Urkel angers Carl by causing accidents while fixing the roof. They face off on American Gladiators to resolve their issues. It finishes in a tie, and Carl and Urkel apologize to each other.
(3:29:08)
Mad TV
- Jerry Springer monologue where he unveils a dirty secret to a cast member
- "Clops". It is a claymation spoof of the show COPS. Paddington Bear flashes and is arrested. Rock Em Sock Em Robots arrested for fighting. Pillsbury Dough Boy goes postal and is shot and thrown into an oven.
- Skit where Miss Swan and Antonia appear on Gimme a Clue game show and perform horribly. This angers their partners in a hilarious fashion. Mark Hamill plays the host of the game show.
- Annoying blonde lady stands at the pearly gates to heaven in place of St Peter and lets people in. It's then revealed that she's really letting people into hell. Jerry Springer comes out and gives his final thought on the situation, and she tells him off
- Jerry Springer on Lowered Expectations
- Andy Griffith '98. Andy abuses his power to rig a pickle contest for Aunt Bea. He even cuts off someone's ear, ala Reservoir Dogs.
- Jerry Springer show spoof where he gets pissed that no one is fighting on the show, and he shoots an old woman to get people brawling. While giving his final thought, a lady hits him with a baseball bat and he gets dragged into the brawl.
Blind Date clip where a very bizarre man named Micah dances
COPS
- SWAT team raids a crack house
- Cops attend a funeral for an officer who was killed in the line of duty
- Clip montage in the day in the life of a tall white policer officer. This is where someone tries to run from him and he yells "Stop or I'll shoot you in the back!" I think I have this part on a different tape too.
(3:59:28)
Celebrity Fit Club 2
- Contestants voice concerns about the struggles of Jani after he doesn't show up for the weigh in
- This week's challenge is a rickshaw race. It's kind of boring, except for the cool anime style caricatures that they show for each contestant. Gary's team wins an advanced fitness bike.
- Contestants weigh in
- Players do water exercises
- Toccara bitched at for taking diet pills
Clip from Rockstar INXS with Marty Casey singing Lithium by Nirvana
(4:37:48)
Kill Reality. This is a show on VH1 about a bunch of reality stars filming a cheesy horror movie named The Scorned. Rob Cesternino and Josh Souza are producers. Actors include Johnny Fairplay, Jenna Lewis, Ethan Zohn, Jenna Morasca, Toni Ferrari, and Reichen.
- The movie is cast and everyone reads the script
- Reichen complains about gay slurs in the movie
- Toni is annoying and complains about her role
- Actors move into the house where they are all going to stay for the filming and pick their rooms
- Random clips from around the house
- Tonya annoys people and threatens to jump out a window
MXC. Finance vs Liquor
- Rotating Surfboard of Death
- Eat Shitake
- Pole Riders. Judra Babaganoosh is in this segment
- Log Drop
(5:33:39)
AFV (Tom Bergeron)
- Man falls off a rope while swinging
- Woman drives away from from gas station with nozzle stuck in car
- Water dropped on teachers while they are posing for a group photo
- Boy playing violin on roller skates
- Streaker runs out onto football field in high school game
- Guy freaks out and has a hissy fit while watching a football game
AFV (Bob Saget)
- Man drops kid in water while running with him on the beach
- Fat guy climbs out of swimming pool and rolls into a different pool
- Canoe gets stuck on rocks in rapids and it dumps someone out
- Other funny water clips
- Ceiling collapses in middle of play
- Music montage of people spinning in circles and making themselves dizzy
- Clown and kid pull off woman's bra
AFV (Tom)
- Little kid falls while pushing shopping cart
- Duck and chicks slide down a ramp
- Guy wipes out while trying to ride a bike up a ramp
- Funny motorcycling clip montage
AFV (Bob)
- People pushing giant inflatable balls collide and bounce away
- Asian breaks baseball bat while practice swinging indoors
- Guy tries to do backflip and lands on head
- Kid tries to kick ball but misses and falls on it instead
- Stupid astronaut training camp home made video
- 4 dogs chase 1 stick and bring it back together
- Kid gets liquid poured down pants
- Man tries to water ski off dock and faceplants instead
AFV (Tom)
- Monkey touches woman's boobs
- Baby picks up cat and drags it around house
- Woman picks up frog and it pees on her
- Man meditates with cat sitting next to him in a meditating pose
- Alligator almost bites stupid woman who is poking at it
- Fat shirtless guy runs out on basketball court
- Painter falls off ladder
- Cop plays dead at morgue and scares another cop
- Young boy does armpit farts to classical music
- Man with swollen cheeks and lips
- Brides on fire vs Trees crushing cars
AFV (Bob)
- Beer keg pops and hits man in face
- Guy tries to leap turnstyle at subway and hits crotch
- Observer nailed in face by arm wrestlers
- Man hit in face by hood of car popping open
- Anchor dragged along the ground in tug of war
- Muscular guy on beach backflips into camera
AFV (Tom)
- Woman gives foot massage with surgical mask on and flips out when she realizes she is being filmed
- Old lady loses falsie in swimming pool
- Old man falls over chair after dancing
- Guy hit in crotch on backswing by bowling ball
- Man pushed face first into mud while gardening
AFV (Bob)
- Guy sings and plays instruments at a graduation
AFV (Tom)
- Cuckoo clock won't stop dinging
END OF TAPE
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