(00:00:00)
We start off with some kind of FOX show about crazy things caught on tape
- Drunk redneck dude tries to skateboard and busts his shit. It's ok. He's fine. Except he needs another beer.
- Asian dudes start a fire trying to slice open a giant gas balloon shaped like a cigarette
- Man gets raped by a donkey
30 Seconds To Fame. I'll post a few highlights
- Lady plays a trombone with her foot and gets booed off the stage
- Black woman sings "New Attitude"
- Contortionist squeezes body through a tennis racket, and crawls inside a very small box
- Man lights fist on fire and smashes it through concrete blocks
- Plendl the Spinner
- Jump roping harmonica player. He gets booed off the stage. WTF people? Now that's some talent!
- Funny old man tap dances
- Spanish opera singer
- Dude spins around the stage in a giant wheel contraption
- The woman who sang "New Attitude" ends up winning, and falls down in disbelief when her name is called
(15:50)
Clips of gay people and drag queens set to the tune of "Dancing Queen" on some ABC show. Bruce Vilanch is carted in wearing a tiara
Jamie Kennedy on Oprah. He shows a clip from his show where he plays a casting director, and tricks an aspiring actor into making out with an old woman. After the taping, she comes on to the actor and freaks him out. He then finds out that he's been Xed.
Banzai. I'll post some highlights.
- How many balloons does it take to lift a chicken? 90, apparently!
- Mr Shake-Hands Man shakes hands with Kelsey Grammer
- Some guys dressed as knights ride on grocery carts in a parking lot and joust
- Lady One-Question asks Simon Cowell one question
- One legged soccer player tries to score a goal against a one armed goalie
- Two old ladies (Dot and Hazel) play wheelchair chicken
- A priest and a rabbi compete with Lou Ferrigno in an exercise bike challenge
(37:50)
Jamie Kennedy Xperiment. This will be from now on referred to as JKX, just so ya know.
- Jamie plays a man who takes a group of people on a gator tour through the swamp. He tricks them by saying obnoxious things and banging on the side of the boat to attract gators. He pushes someone into the swamp water who threatens to sue. Jamie then tells everyone that they've been Xed before they really start to freak out.
American Juniors. This is just a small clip where a mom freaks out when her kid is rejected and makes her sing for the camera in the parking lot.
The Simpsons. I really only have this episode on tape because the episode starts out with the family watching Animal Survivor. And you know I'm a huge Survivor nut! It's the episode where they get satellite TV. Lisa gets bumped up to third grade, and Bart gets dropped back to third grade.
*during the commercial, the show cuts to Inspiration Time with Hilton Griswold. Hilton makes a joke, and laughs a very high pitched laugh that is funny sounding. He then makes a speech and begins singing a song. The tape then cuts out to video of a Dave Matthews Band song. Which happens to be "Every Day." It then cuts back to the Simpsons*
The Simpsons. We're back. The kids are in the same grade and they go on a field trip to Capitol City. They get separated from the class and then get lost in the woods. They are rescued by rednecks. And so ends the episode.
(1:06:54)
The Bernie Mac Show. Bernie is at a job interview and has to deal with two voices arguing inside his head. They are Carlton Banks and Kuta Kinte. Ike Turner shows up at the end. These voices overwhelm Bernie and cause him to get flustered and run out. It's not too funny.
30 Seconds To Fame
- Guy says that he loves Los Angeles, "where the freaks come out at night". And then proceeds to spin and balance a whole bunch of unusual objects.
- Weird looking chick barks like a dog and is booed off the stage. These people have poor taste.
- Zombie dances around to techno music before eventually getting booed off the stage
- Fat, dorky Hawaiians play a ukulele and sing..... badly. They get booed too.
* during the commercial, the tape cuts to a clip of a contortionist shaping his body into the shape of a pretzel. He then jumps into the water while in pretzel form and swims off. Back we go to 30 Seconds of Fame*
30 Seconds To Fame.
- Homoerotic posing between two scantily clad muscle men
- Guy plays "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" by popping his cheek and gets booed off the stage
- Beatboxing dorky guy
- Comedian does funny body tricks behind a box
- Dude shoots basketballs at a hoop by putting the ball between his legs, doing a backflip, and letting go of the ball
*during the commercial we again cut away. This clip is of a retarded boy eating. After this, we cut to Banzai. I take it that's all we get to see of that episode of 30 Seconds To Fame*
(1:17:45)
Banzai. Da highlights, yo:
- Willis (yeah, the whatchu talkin' bout Willis, Willis.) races a dog out to catch a stick in the water. The dog wins.
- Lady One-Question asks Antonio Banderas a question
- A woman is paid to stuff as many singles into her mouth as she can. She gets to keep as many as she can fit in there in one minute. She wins $21.
- The Banzai crew asks a Princess Di doll it if it believes Harry Potter is gay. The doll is then thrown off a hot air balloon. Apparently Diana believes Harry Potter is gay, as evidenced by it landing on a field that said "yes" as opposed to "no." This one was weird, I know.
- Midgets climb up a tall basketball player and must plant a flag on his head
*during commercial, we cut to a clip of a Charro concert. It's really bizarre and not being sung in English. Apparently this song has its own dance, because several people in the crowd are doing the same funny move over and over again. After this is done, we cut to the show COPS. Random, I know. Get used to it!*
(1:30:48)
COPS.
- Police respond to a home invasion call. When they open the door, the cat runs out. They talk to the lady, who said that several guys had broken into her home. The Cops go to the guys' house, and have to wrestle one of the men down when he answers the door. He resists and is cuffed. The other guy is in the bathroom curled up into a ball and not moving. He is sprayed with mace, dragged out, and cuffed. The guys were all drugged up on heroin and one of them almost dies. They are given a shot of Narcan, which sobers them up immediately. That's about it.
*during the commercials for this, we cut to an advertisement for a 70's compilation CD. A few memorable clips include Kiss You All Over, Bad Girls, I Love the Night Life, Cold As Ice, We Are the Champions, and Dream Weaver. There is then a commercial for Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. It's the commercial with the song "I Ran So Far Away." Another random cut. This one to the religious channel where there's a theatrical pastor singing a frantic song called "I Love Jesus." He then asks if there are any ladies in the house who are on fire for the Lord. Strange. I guess that was the only COPS clip for now, because we cut to an episode of Seinfeld*
Seinfeld. The Bubble Boy episode.
*during commercials, we cut back to the 70's CD ad again. Highlights include: I Shot the Sheriff, Fly Like an Eagle, That's the Way I like It, Sara Smile, Maggie May, Sister Golden Hair, Black Water, American Woman, Up Around the Bend, School's Out, Spirit in the Sky, Lady Marmalade, Show and Tell, and Tonight's the Night (!!!!)*
Seinfeld continues. Moops! Moors! Moops! Moors, it's a misprint!
*more commercials, more 70's clips. This time we've got Blinded By the Light, Hot Blooded, I love the Night Life (again, lol. So worthy), Handy Man, Layla, Show Me the Way, Stayin' Alive, and Heart of Glass*
Back to Seinfeld we go. This time, it's the end and the show is over yo. So long, Bubble Boy episode.
Small clip of an Ozzy Osbourne interview on Larry King Live. He's stuttering like a mofo and admits that he is addicted to prescribed drugs and he still binge drinks.
Clip from Perfect Strangers where Larry is chasing Balki around and saying "boochie boochie boochie"
Exorcist clip where a demon is falling down a hill and shrieking. So random, I know. WTF?
Clip of an eccentric preacher man singing a Jesus song and you can barely understand what he's saying
Saturday Night Live clip which is a spoof of an Elton John greatest hits infomercial. Red Skelton is sung.
The random clips keep coming! This clip is from an episode of South Park with Jesus and Pals. When Jesus takes questions from the audience, they act like it's Jerry Springer. One guy wants to talk about Michael Jackson. So ends clip.
(2:03:52)
Random clip of Andy Kaufman on stage doing comedy. He's wearing a shirt that says "I Love Grandma". He puts on a fake accent and sings a song. End o' clip.
Judge Joe Brown. This episode is about a woman who sues her ex because she says he is stalking her. She is really rude and interrupts a whole bunch of times to argue and fight with the defendants. When the judge rules against her and calls her nuts, she flips out and throws her glass cup and hits her ex in the face. She is then arrested for assault and taken out by the bailiff. Classic Judge Joe Brown case.
COPS.
- This episode is about drug stings. The cops arrest people as they try to buy drugs from a decoy officer. The first person arrested is a middle aged white male who says that he's been smoking for 38 years. When an ice cream truck drives past, the officer asks the man getting arrested if he wants an ice cream, but he says he wants a joint instead. Next guy arrested is a black dude on a bicycle that they tackle to the ground as he tries to ride away.
- A group of toothless Hispanics are talked to by the police because someone fired a gun up into the air during a birthday party kind of thing. The man who fired the gun is arrested, despite the protests of his brother and wife who thinks the cops should let him go. "I'm no sissy boy!"
Fresh Prince clip - Jazz gets thrown out the door
(2:21:51)
30 Seconds To Fame
- Woman sings Proud Mary
- Massively obese black belly dancer
- White dude dresses like a Hawaiian and tries to play the banjo. He's booed.
- Magician with floating cigar
- More homoerotic posing
- Nerdy ping pong player
- Lady who blows giant bubbles. She's booed for some reason.
Girls Behaving Badly
- The girls walk around with majorly exposed thongs. Hidden cameras show people's funny reactions when they see the thongs.
- Home Renovation TV show renovates the wrong house. The homeowner is pissed off when he comes home and orders everyone to leave. It's funny.
JKX
- Jamie X's a guy he is training to do a newspaper route. He runs a curb and smashes over a fence. A trash can gets stuck under the tire. He then fights with his ex, and drives his goth son home. Is that any way for a creature of the night to talk? The guy who is being tricked is really chill and seems amused by all the craziness going on.
- Jamie pulls the same gag, except this time with a really violent looking gang banger guy who is not amused by anything going on. His reactions are pretty funny.
(2:41:02)
Banzai
- There is a lineup of Asian guys and one of them is wearing a wig. Which one is it?
- Mr Shake-Hands Man shakes hands with Adam Sandler
- Two men in space suits play Russian roulette with umbrellas
- Babies race
- Lady One-Question asks one question to George Takei
- Blind ladies play bumper cars
*Tape starts to go a little bad here - the sound goes in and out. It doesn't stay this way - it gets better after Banzai ends*
- Keep your eye on the suitcase
- The fantastic Freddy man flutter
Seinfeld. This is the low talker/puffy shirt/ George is a hand model episode.
(3:20:30)
Judge Joe Brown. An episode where a father sues his son for some missing guitars. The son does a threatening gesture towards his dad and gets yelled at by the judge and loses the case. He breaks down, cries, and gets angry.
Sesame Street clip - the Goo Goo Dolls sing a variation of the song Slide.
The Simpsons. This is the Ribwich episode. Homer becomes addicted to the Ribwich from Krusty Burger. When he first eats one, it's like a scene from Requiem for a Dream when someone shoots up. Lisa wins the State Championship at the spelling bee, and goes to the Spellympics. When the Ribwich is discontinued, Homer joins a Ribwich hippy groupy tour to track down any remaining sandwiches.
Clip of Jim Carrey laughing repeatedly from Ace Ventura.
Clip from Flatliners where a small black girl hurls insults at Kevin Bacon.
Small clip of Kodiak City and Jessie from Cops. The full episodes are later to come on a different tape. I'll go into more detail then.
Clip of Chunk from the Goonies doing the Truffle Shuffle.
(3:49:02)
Clips from the Latin Leather club porno movie. The acting and storyline are so amazing. Wow! A group of Latin guys in leather vests pick up a dorky white boy at the park who is waiting for his girlfriend and take him back to their crib.
Clip from Dumb and Dumber where the cop drinks the bottle of pee
Clip from the movie Labyrinth. It's the part where David Bowie sings "Dance, Magic, Dance."
More Latin Leather clips. One guy looks at a statue of a bull and says that he knows guys with dicks bigger than that shit. Another clip where a guy says something in Spanish that sounds funny.
Assorted clips and highlights from Me, Myself, and Irene. Mostly clips when he turns into Hank and flips out.
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. This is the episode where Will's dad comes back into his life. Will agrees to go on a trip with his dad, but his dad bails on him at the last second... resulting in emotional breakdowns. Such a sad episode :(
Clip of Saturday Night Live, Night at the Roxbury skit. The guys chase after Pam Anderson.
(4:20:46)
Some show with funny moments from Game Shows. Highlights:
- Anne Robinson from Weakest Link breaks down with laughter
- Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Hollywood Squares
- Chicks don't know what condiment means
- Hosts kiss contestants
JKX
- Jamie plays an old man who is a back doctor. He gives the client, a young Asian guy, a very odd exam and massage. He tickles the guy, pokes his butt, asks him out for dinner, and even pees on him... and the guy doesn't seem phased!
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(4:32:40)
30 Seconds To Fame
- Guy stands on top of a ladder and juggles
- Little spinners! They get booed. WTF people, who boos midgets?
- Transgender dancer gets booed off the stage
- Guys dressed like knights stage a swordfight
- Dude smashes boards on his head, but they don't all break
- Christopher with Puppets. YMCA!
- Old man plays a banjo and yodels
- Ventriloquist has a caveman doll that dances to Night at the Roxbury music
- Lady with a dress that changes every time she steps behind a curtain
- Christopher with Puppets wins
COPS.
- Quick clip of a dude and his girlfriend getting busted after buying weed from the police
- Another drug bust. White trash woman arrested buying pot. She has crack rocks in her purse too. Her car is impounded.
- Another drug bust. Young white guy gets his car seized as well after buying weed.
(4:49:18)
Black activist speaks on MPTV. He has a funny high pitched girly voice, that's the only reason I recorded this.
Seinfeld. This is the very last episode. Apparently its only the second part of the finale, beginning at the trial and kicking off all the flashbacks. The Soup Nazi is my favorite thing about this episode.
Maury Povich. An episode about unusual people. There's a boy who weighs over 700 pounds. Also included is a 20 year old who stands at just three feet tall.
Jerry Springer clip. Invasion of the little people. A woman cheats on her husband with a mulleted midget, and there's a big fight. A gay guy cheats on his boyfriend with a leather biker midget. Also, questions from the audience!
(5:22:47)
Weird porno clips
- Midget comes dancing down the stairs and fucks a woman.
- Ron Jeremy fucks a gigantic fat woman. Her ass is bigger than Jupiter.
30 Seconds To Fame
- Woman fires a bow and arrow with her foot
- Woman twirls a flaming hula hoop
- Dancing puppets get booed off the stage
- Man with a giant bubble on his head gets booed and eliminated
- Elvis on stilts
- Rappo Clappo
- Man who does sound effects
- G- Force
Black activist again
Blues Brothers clip with Carrie Fisher
JKX
- Two guest judges are Xed when their votes are changed to rig the outcome of a talent show
(5:46:28)
COPS (the tape starts to go a little bad toward the end of this episode. That's because the end of the tape is nearing)
- Cops serve a search warrant on a suspected drug house. It's like a swat team invasion or sumthin! A bunch of dudes are arrested.
- Redneck and his retarded wife are arrested for stealing from the Salvation Army. This is only a clip - I didn't get the whole thing.
- Police arrest a homeless man who is intruding and living in someone else's house
- More drug stings. Key West police arrest people who are buying drugs on the street.
END OF TAPE
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