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This tape is called "For Shizzle" because at the time this was recorded, I was working with a guy named Paul. He was the most white-breaded white guy of all time, and sometimes as an acknowledgment, he would say "for shizzle" in response. And he would say it very formally, and with the hard R. For shizzle, not fo' shizzle. It was humorous. So I named this tape in his honor. Paul, wherever you are, your legacy will live on forever.
(00:00:00)
COPS
- Crazy old drunk prowler bangs on man's window and gets hit with a baseball bat
- Man calls the cops in when he discovers a bizarre voodoo-like display outside. There is a dead crab, an egg, a porkchop, a clump of hair, and some candles. Odd.
- White trash couple pulled over. The driver has multiple warrants and is arrested. The passenger, a mulleted man, is released. Drug paraphernalia with meth residue is found in car.
- Clips from inside lockup cells on a busy night. Lots of drunks and disorderlies. Two people are busted for smoking pot in a cell.
Classic Jerry Springer clip: My Boyfriend Is A Woman
(27:50)
Family Matters. WTF there's a new mom in this episode. I miss the old Harriet, this one sucks. Carl hires a masseuse, making Harriet jealous. Myrtle Urkel gets a makeover to impress Eddie.
Happy Tree Friends
- Water Way To Go. Father and son mishaps on the beach.
- RFTV. Dangers of feral cats.
- Awful Gas. Short black and white fifties-style clip about dangerous gas
- Dancing Animals music video. This is fucking trippy and weird but awesome too.
- Binge And Purge. Animals attack humanity.
- Petey and Jaydee - The Hair Crimper
- Black and White Army propaganda film
- Hard Drinkin' Lincoln - Abezilla. Giant Lincoln statue runs amok in DC.
- Petey and Jaydee - The Drop Saw
- Captain Capitalism - To Bleep or Not to Bleep. Captain Capitalism lectures a group of kids on use of profanities after Dick Cheney flips out.
- Icy You. Wired Squirrel mutilated in candy store.
Maury Povich - Horribly burned black woman with no nose now lives a normal life due to a realistic prosthetic mask. The man who makes the masks talks to the camera. White woman who lost nose to cancer comes out on stage with a normal looking nose. She takes it off for the audience. Ew. Deformed black girl goes on dream night out with some obscure R&B Star.
(1:12:46)
MXC. Ultimate Fighters vs Desperate Housewives
- Take a Leek
- Mudd Butlers
- Sinkers and Floaters
- Dash To Death
- Log Drop. Platoosh Babaganoosh is the last contestant.
COPS
- Cop pursues a driver who refuses to pull over. After a long chase, the white man jumps out of his car and tries to run away into the woods but is caught. He then has the nerve to ask "What did I do?" The cop loses his badge and has to go back to look for it.
- Black thief who was seen stealing stuff from a car runs from cops and hides by lying down in tall grass in a dark lot. He also asks what he did wrong. WTF?
AFV
- Person falls and slides down hill and is hit in crotch with tree
- Man tries to ride ATV up hill and it flips over and rolls over him
- Old people break bench while having picture taken
- Bike rider crashes head first in bushes
- Girl sitting in window falls out
- Sleeping passenger in car tricked into thinking there's going to be a head on collision
- Clips of people being scared by things
- Woman panics when there is an earthquake. She grabs kids and runs off camera, and naked man walks into the picture
- Kid scared by gun firing salute
- Frog jumps on baby's face
- Chick runs from baby in and out of fenced area
- Kid doesn't like happy birthday being sang to her and she cries
- Kid dips hair in mud
- Kid falls repeatedly while failing on the slip and slide. He gets mad and yells.
- Man throws apples at a beehive and gets stung
- Horse drawn carriage is led into water
- Hamster climbs toward camera
- Dog leaps around in the snow
- Snake tries to crawl up kid's shorts
- Rodeo dude is thrown off bucking bull, and then it comes back and throws him into a fence
- Black cat attacks camera
- Half naked drunk dude climbs up to the top of a slide and falls
- Old lady falls off merry go round
- Person on zip line hits sprinkler with butt and turns it on
- Dentures fall out of a man's mouth while talking and he pops them back in
- Man on swinging rope falls and hits shore
- Grilling man lights crotch on fire
- Gross, pathetic male personal ads
Brief TLC clip of the boy with no skin flying in a plane
(1:58:26)
Happy Tree Friends. Halloween episode
- Remains To Be Seen. Zombies terrorize the blue moose dude. There's some Evil Dead II parodies here. The moose loses his hand and straps a leaf blower to the stump. Then the hand comes back and attacks him at the end.
- RFTV. Helmet advertisement. Dumb.
- Thuh Greenfields. Old Lady spanks hillbilly with wooden paddle. There is creepy and bizarre banter between the two.
- He's a Good Monkey. Robot in a man's brain gives a tour of the place and talks about the brain's owner.
- Didn't catch title of this one, but it is some of the Happy Tree Friends going through one of those scary fun house in a cart things. They get killed one by one.
- Thuh Greenfields. The Greenfields apologize for their behavior in previous skit.
- Petey and Jaydee. The Curling Wand.
- Hard Drinkin' Lincoln. Abe is shot at a theater after puking on someone while watching Titanic.
- Petey and Jaydee. The Hot Rollers
- Wind Direction. Change in wind direction blows nuclear fallout to a city, where people start to mutate.
- Out of Sight, Out of Mime. Mime Trick or Treater is decapitated and has head carved like pumpkin.
Yes, Dear. I never watch this show, but I recorded it because it is Big Brother themed. The main character of this show, Jimmy, (he plays Kurt's dad on Glee!) gets on Big Brother. He's in the house with a lot of famous contestants: Marcellas, Dr. Will, Amy, Nathan, Hardy, Alison, Lisa, Jun, Roddy, Justin, and Michelle. Jimmy is totally naïve and amusing with his antics, but he gets nominated by Marcellas next to Alison. Part 2 of this episode is later on in the tape.
INXS with new lead singer JD Fortune performs Pretty Vegas on Craig Ferguson.
(2:33:45)
TV Guide Channel close up on Survivor. Amber talks about keys to winning the game. Rob, Lex, and Colby also comment on the show. Palau contestants interviewed. The date on the screen shows that this was recorded on Tuesday, October 25, 2005 around 10 AM. Duly noted.
Inspiration Time clip. Hilton talks with his pals about a church that was built in a barn. Hilton passes the microphone to one of his friends and continues to talk and no one can hear him. They all have a good laugh about it. Tiny clip of him singing.
Monday Night Classic on ESPN. Vikings at Packers. Otherwise known as the Monday Night Miracle game. Randy Moss and Daunte Culpepper are mic'd up, and highlights of the whole game are shown, highlighted by Antonio Freeman's miracle catch.
Cheat on the G4 channel. Strategies and cheats for NES games are featured. Yay! Games featured: Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda, Mega Man.
Commercial for Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, among other commercials.
Cheat (cont). ZANAC cheats, Konami code is discussed, as well as it's conclusion in games like Contra, Gradius, Metal Gear Solid 3, and Silent Hill 3. Strategies and cheats for: Mike Tyson's Punch Out and Zelda (again).
Cinematech: Star Trek video games. Games shown: Star Trek Arcade, Shattered Universe, Starfleet Command III, Invasion, Voyager: Elite Force, DS9: The Fallen, Klingon Honor Guard, Star Trek, 25th Anniversary, The Next Generation, Bridge Commander, Away Team, Hidden Evil, Armada II.
(3:24:38)
Yes, Dear. This is the second part of the Big Brother episode. Jimmy's brother in law sneaks into the house to warn him he's gonna get stabbed in the back, but gets him DQ'd instead.
X-Play. Lego Star Wars reviewed.
Cinematech: Star Wars video games. Games shown: Star Wars: Obi Wan, The Phantom Menace, Starfighter, The Clone Wars, Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars, X-Wing, The Empire Strikes Back, Super Return of the Jedi, Dark Forces II, Lego Star Wars.
VH1 remembers 1989. They talk about The Little Mermaid and its infamous erection scene.
Tiny preview clip of Bucks season. Michael Redd is mentioned, as well as newly drafted rookie center Andrew Bogut.
(3:57:39)
But Can They Sing. This is some kind of a celebrity singing contest on VH1.
- Michael Copon sings I Don't Want To Be
Small EW preview of Walk The Line in the commercials
But Can They Sing (cont.)
- Some guy I don't know sings I'll Be Watching You and sucks
- Bai Ling sings Like A Virgin and is awful but amazing at the same time
Best of Saturday Night Live
- Makin' copies guy introduces the show
- Levi's 3 Legged Jeans commercial
- The Arakawa Group. Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Rob Schneider, and some other dude, I think it is Phil Hartman, all play Asians who host a talk show and talk smack about Americans.
- Partridge Family skit. They get into a sing-off with the Brady Bunch.
- Sensitive Naked Man. He visits a friend and she tells him her problems.
COPS. And ugly fat white lady is caught with drugs and cries. She tries to run, and doesn't get very far. She is very hostile and says she is pregnant and wants to die.
Breaking news report. A small plane crashes and knocks out power lines on Humboldt Blvd. on the east side.
Small clip of Hurley from Lost on some sitcom.
(4:38:37)
Saturday Night Live 80's special
- Eddie Murphy is discussed
- Stevie Wonder sings Overjoyed
- I Married A Monkey
- Former castmembers discuss old skits and their experiences when they first joined up
- Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues
- More cast members talking about the show, and more memorable music performances including Harry Connick Jr.
- Billy Crystal joins cast. Skit with Hulk Hogan and Mr T is shown, along with other clips
- Martin Short signs up and cast members talk some more. Blah blah blah.
Clip from the end of a Bucks game where they beat Dallas in Bogut's rookie year. He blocks a game tying shot attempt by Jason Terry at the end of OT to seal the win. LINK, if you can get it to work.
Hilton Griswold clip. Part of the opening of Inspiration time, followed by him giving a shout out to channel 23 in Decatur Illinois. He begins to sing but then the tape goes to something else.
(5:01:01)
Dave Chappelle Show
- Wac Arnold's commercials
- Popcopy orientation video. They intentionally give bad customer service.
Vigo Mortensen interviewed on Daily Show. He's a low talker.
Cheat: Conker, Live and Reloaded strategies
Sly Cooper 3 preview on X-Play
Judge Judy
- Lady sells her cabin to a couple with the agreement that she can stay there 2 weeks a year. Couple wants to go back on deal, and the lady sues them for lost money because she gave them a deal.
- Woman sues her ex over money she loaned him for dental work
Crank Yankers
- Mooshu calls record store. He is looking for Tupac and other rap albums. He says he will bring in Chinese girls and smoke to the store.
News clip on Wauwatosa West principal Tom Steiner dying
Jerry Springer. Man cheats on his girlfriend with his niece and there is lots of fighting. They are white trash. Surprise.
COPS
- Guy jumps off a bridge 40 to 50 feet and severely injures himself. He had just stabbed a woman.
Jerry Springer. Fat lady shows butt. Questions from the audience. Dude with a talking doll.
G4 visits a Star Trek convention.
X-Play review of the Suffering starts up, but the tape cuts up before it goes anywhere.
END OF TAPE
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