"It's Right In Front of Your Face" is also written on the outside of the VHS tape
The name of this tape is inspired by a guy I used to work with named Little John. He was really rude to customers. He always referred to them as "turkeys." And when people would ask stupid questions, such as "where are the Doritos?" when they were standing right in front of the Doritos, he would say: "it's right in front of your face."
Oddly, this isn't the first tape that has been named after John. John Tape (10) is also named after him. There is also actual footage of him on tapes 2 and 3, when the gas station was robbed while he was working. He is dead now, but his legacy will live forever through these tapes.
Anyway, certain events on this tape date it as being recorded around January of 2006.
Contents of the Tape:
(00:00:00)
Star Trek: The Next Generation. Encounter at Farpoint episode - part 2.
(44:20)
Bo Bice performing The Real Thing on Ellen
Inspiration Time featuring Hilton Griswold. The introduction, followed by Hilton chatting with his friends and reading fan mail. They then proceed to sing a song.
Bo Bice interviewed on Ellen. He talks about his wife and new child, and that's about it. Shortest interview ever.
Jerry Springer. Women fight over a man. Shocking.
Bruce Vilanch on Celebrity Fit Club. He weighs in and chats with the hosts.
Jerry Springer. Gay black men fight. Big bearded white man takes off his shirt and dances on the stage. There are commercials that I didn't edit off of the tape. WTF. When the show comes back, a black man tells his girlfriend he is cheating on her and more fighting ensues. Questions from the audience... chicks flash. Same old same old. Jerry delivers his Final Thought.
(1:22:57)
Happy Tree Friends
- Treasure These Idol Moment. Golden idol gets passed around on playground and brings death to anyone who possesses it.
- RFTV. Fitness clip. It's stupid.
- Graveyard. Exploding fart.
- Weird cartoon where a sloppy Australian rugby fan sleeps in and is late to the game. He makes it there and rushes the field, where he gets caught up in the game and squeezes a player's fingers off with his ass cheeks.
- Hard Drinkin' Lincoln. Abe gets sloshed and goes to see a movie and is wildly disruptive. He gets shot and people applaud.
- Petey and Jaydee. The Staple Gun
- The Birthday Gift. Responsible man chit chats with alcoholic dad.
- Graveyard. Couple gets twisted and tangled up during lovemaking and dies.
- Perfect Balance. Flat cartoon characters live in unbalanced tilting house.
- Hello Dolly. The golden idol returns and brings more death.
Maury Povich. Very brief fat babies clip.
Reno 911 clip. Cops talk to a man who wants to lose his virginity to a prostitute for his birthday.
South Park clip where Chef sings his Salty Balls song
Crank Yankers. Miles Standish calls a health care facility looking for a personal caregiver. He says he isn't sick, he just needs someone to wash him, feed him, rub him down, and wipe his bum. The place he is calling gets angry and tells him they are tracing his call.
Mad TV - Premiere of the tenth season.
- Monologue where different openings are shown and discussed.
- Skit where people are asked how they felt about AVP at the movie theater. Shower cap black man gets very excited about the film.
- Crazy girl and Natalie Fatalie filmed at golf course trying to get close to the President to talk to him. Secret Service takes them down.
- Commercial for Jell-O shots to go. Coming to store shelves soon.
- Shower cap guy raves about Vanity Fair
- At the mall, Abercrombie employees feud with Lane Bryant
- Jeopardy skit. Alex loses it because he hates Ken Jennings so much.
- The Amazing Presidential Race. Amazing Race spoof where Charla and Mirna square off against Kerry, Edwards, Bush, and Cheney.
- Shower cap guy comes back one last time to go wild over Benji
(2:21:16)
X-Play
- Quake 4 preview
- Madden 06 review
Attack of The Show
- The crew interviews actors from The Revenge of the Sith. Movie discussed.
X-Play
- NBA 2K6 preview
AFV. I don't know who this host is. It's not Bob Saget or Tom Bergeron. There are a few funny rodeo clips but that's it.
MXC. Las Vegas vs Sesame Street
- Cruelette
- Wall Buggers
- Big Bird Droppings. Barbara-ganoosh Strahan in this segment.
- Sinkers and Floaters
Dave Chappelle
- Brief clip of a skit with stoners
- Great Moments in Hookup History. Guy cuts hole in popcorn box at movie so girlfriend can touch his weiner.
- What Men Want. Woman hears all of men's dirty thoughts on elevator.
Celebrity Fit Club. Bruce Vilanch attempts to long jump
Dave Chappelle
- Tyrone the crackhead comes to intervention
Anna Nicole Smith's craziest moments on E! She is drunk on stage and talks about beautiful duets.
(3:02:18)
Bo Bice: In The Moment Special. Bo's post idol journey is documented here. He gets married, moves into a new house, goes on tour, breaks a foot, has abdominal surgery, has a child, and records an album all in the span of like 3 or 4 months.
Best Week Ever clip of Constantine Maroulis kicking and falling down,
Celebrity Fit Club. Bruce weighs in and doesn't lose any weight. He is wearing a shirt that says Fluffer.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
- Headlines
- American Idol Judges interviewed. Season 5 is coming up on the next tape.
- Barry Manilow sings Unchained Melody and is interviewed. In this segment, Jenny Mc Carthy and a nerdy dude attend the Golden Globes.
TV Chat. Project Runway and Santino discussed.
Conan O'Brien clip where he interviews fake Arnold Schwarzenegger
TV Chat. American Idol previewed. This was recorded on January 16, 2006. Always good to have a reference date for these tapes.
(4:12:37)
Happy Tree Friends
- Hide and Seek. Flippy kills during a game of hide and seek.
- RFTV. Steroid commercial. Hemor-rhoids.
- Graveyard. Bunny eats eggs.
- Cannibalism and your teen. Father talks with son about cannibalism.
- Petey and Jaydee. The Pencil Sharpener.
- Graveyard. Carrot dices person.
- Hard Drinkin' Lincoln. Abe's ass.
- Spare Me. Severed head used as bowling ball.
Brief Lost preview clip on TV Guide channel
COPS. Sound is kinda bad on these clips.
- Mechanic is caught hanging out by unidentified parked car with some friends and is arrested for warrants
- Crossdresser flags down cops because her purse was stolen. The cop is a real jerk in this one.
- Fat neighbors fight and throw cake when one set of neighbors tries to offer cake to the other neighbor's kids
- A prostitution and a drug sting. The guy who is caught selling drugs is one paranoid Mexican.
- Homeless looking guy caught with drugs hanging around his neck
- White trash lady pulled over by cops, and she has knives and drug pipes in her car
(5:03:17)
MXC. TNA vs WWE. Apparently I don't record the Circle Jerkers segment of this episode.
- Wall Bangers
- Door Jam
- Boulder Dash. Big Babaganoosh is in this segment.
- Top 10 most painful eliminations of the day. Big Babaganoosh is #1.
Dave Chappelle Show
- Blackzilla. Giant Dave Chappelle battles Godzilla.
- The player hater's ball. I cut this short because it's not funny.
ESPN highlights from a Milwaukee Bucks vs Charlotte Bobcats NBA game I was at. The Bucks won 101-91. Jamaal Magloire had a career high 22 rebounds in the game.
Celebrity Fit Club. Bruce weighs in and loses 7 pounds. He also takes a stress test to see if he is in bad health as far as his heart. He is okay.
TV Guide channel. Peter Francis Geraci clip and an interview with JD Fortune.
Fear Factor. Players must squeeze juices out of cow's eyes with their mouth into a cup and then drink the juice. The blond chick who goes first is eliminated.
(5:36:40)
In Living Color. Brace yourself, there are a lot of these.
- Cindy Crawford interviews young people on their political views at an MTV party
- Opening credits
- Skit with big annoying black lady at funeral. Cousin Elsie.
- Color Girls dance. Jennifer Lopez is among them.
- Woody Allen talks about Asian women
- Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston fight, and she sings a song about him
- Old married black couple fights and plot to kill each other
- Mr Ugly Man - "Shabba Ranks" music video
- Jim Carrey - Dysfunctional Family Show. He plays old man who hates his life.
- Homey the Clown meets his son
- Crackhead goes to recruiting station and wants to entertain the troops
*commercial break*
In Living Color (cont)
- Fashion Tampons commecial
- Spike Lee store. This is dumb, although I do like the stuttering homeless looking dude who comes in.
- AT and T reach out and touch someone commercial where two inmates talk to one another using big words that are completely out of context
- Ejector Bed commercial
- Head Detective - the first installment. How he becomes the Head Detective.
- Men On Film. Two flaming gays discuss movies.
- Jim Carrey - Cherub of Justice
*more commercials - how annoying*
In Living Color (cont)
- 911 calls transferred to automated touchtone system that asks too many useless questions
- Frenchie - a crazy black man with a jehri curl and a bucket of chitlins and hot sauce - crashes an opera and is annoying
- Rodent Retirement Home
- Black and white movie actress comes into the ice cream parlor and is dramatic
- Banter between host and Fly Girls
- Oprah Winfrey Show. She gorges on air and inflates and explodes.
*commercials.....*
In Living Color (cont)
- Jim Carrey - leaking coffee pot simulates oil spill as man clumsily tries to clean it up
- Great Moments In Black History - invention of self service gas pump
- Jim Carrey impressions. Transitions, he calls them.
- Whitney Houston video - Rythmless Nation
- Crackhead bugs people on stalled subway. He's an entertainer!
- Men on Art. Just like Men on Film except..... about art.
- MC Hammer - Too Sold Out To Quit music video
- Present day black man believes he is a slave on the run looking for freedom
- Rescue 911 spoof where emergency calls from the ghetto are ignored
- One Night Stand bar that covers for cheating men
- Crackhead guy comes into money
- Public service announcement: You can't dance
- Weird childlike man misbehaves at the doctor's office
- Gay guy at party freaks out and makes his gayness a huge issue
- Fat black woman named Snooky is annoying at a restaurant and says Mm-Hmm a lot
- Jim Carrey plays a drill sergeant style police officer with a lisp
- Spoof of Michael Jackson Billy Jean video. "Little Billy"
- Dirty Dozens game show. It is a show where "your mama" jokes are judged.
- Ball park breast implants and butt enhancer
- African American revival competition. Female preacher hysterics like at a black revival church are judged and John Madden is one of the commentators.
- Fire Marshall Bill at the hospital
- Homeboy Seminar - How to make mo money without spending yo money. Mo money mo money mo money!
- AFV spoof with surveillance video of crimes
- Andrea Dice Clay. Female version of Andrew Dice Clay does standup
- Hey Mon Jamaican Airline. Tape ends before this lame skit finishes.
END OF TAPE
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