Video Game Reviews #622 and #623: Croc: The Legend of the Gobbos

Croc: The Legend of the Gobbos

PlayStation 1 original

PS4 Platinum Edition

Nostalgia Factor:

It's not too often I get to do a dual video game review, especially one like this. Normally when I review a modern remaster of an older game, I treat it as its own separate entity. Examples: The Crash N-Sane Trilogy and the Spyro Reignited Trilogy. I counted these as separate games from their PS1 counterparts. To be honest, I almost did that here, too. Why didn't I? Because these versions of Croc are just too darned similar.

To clarify: I do think they are different enough to be given their own review scores, but not different enough to be counted as separate games on my Master Game List.

What sets Croc aside from the other remasters is that the changes made have been (for the most part) fairly insignificant. When you look at Spyro, they basically redid the entire control scheme, along with the design of the game's world. Enemies are more detailed, the environments are brought up to modern day standards. Even the dragons you rescue are given much more love and attention in the Reignited Trilogy. It's almost like you are playing two different games.

With Croc, the changes aren't nearly as significant. The newer version has an updated control scheme which does away with the tank controls, but other than that - this is pretty much the exact same game in every way, shape, and form. But I suppose we'll get to that later once we dive into the actual review. We're here to talk nostalgia!

The first time I played Croc, it was for the Sega Saturn back in 1997. I remember being impressed by the game. The Saturn didn't have a lot of great 3D platformers, and it was nice to see something that could compete (at least in my mind) with Super Mario 64 and Crash Bandicoot. I rented the game from Blockbuster and beat it the same weekend. I would never play Croc again until about 2008 or 2009, when I found a copy of the PS1 version at a used game store. While I highly enjoyed the game when I'd first played it back in '97, I did NOT like it this time around. The controls were too damned frustrating, and I found myself getting upset with the game to the point where I was yelling at the TV and nearly throwing the controller. I beat the game, but I quickly took it back to the video store to trade it in for something that didn't completely suck.

And that was the last time I'd played Croc, till now. I'd had one good experience and one bad experience. When I saw the remake for sale on the PS Network, I looked it up online to read about it before buying it. First thing that I saw was that they'd fixed the tank controls. Immediately, I wanted to buy this game. The controls were the worst thing about it. Make the game actually playable, and at its heart, it is actually a really fun and well-designed platformer. Plus, I had a suspicion that my son would like the game. So I bought it.

And now, here I am. What are my thoughts on Croc, and how it has aged over the years? Let's dive in.

Story:

There's not much here when it comes to story. You play as Croc, an adorable little crocodile that was taken in by a group of "Gobbos" when he was a baby, and raised as one of them. One day, the evil Baron Dante shows up and attacks the Gobbo village, capturing and enslaving many of its inhabitants.

Croc to the rescue! Your ultimate goal is to fight your way through the game's worlds, rescuing as many Gobbos as you can. Along the way you will fight several boss characters. It's interesting because these characters are essentially innocent animals that are minding their own business. But then the Baron comes along and corrupts them. What a prick. At the end, you make it to Baron Dante's castle, defeat him, and free the kingdom of Croc from his tyrannical rule.

Gameplay:

The controls are where the two versions of the game differ the most. Let's start with the basic premise, and then I'll explain the difference in the controls. 

The basic premise is the same in each game. There's a map that is filled with levels. You must beat one level in order to move onto the next. For example, when you beat level 1-1, you unlock level 1-2, and so forth. Essentially you are moving forward in a linear matter, beating levels, fighting bosses, and making it to the end of the game. The between-level map is similar to what you see in games like Donkey Kong Country. Once you've beaten a level, you can come back and play it again at any time. But the only real reason to revisit old levels is to make sure you've collected 100% of its items.

Each level (with the exception of the boss levels) contains 5 hidden colored gems, and 6 Gobbos you must rescue. While it is the Gobbos that count towards 100% completion, you want to get all the colored gems, because each level contains a "gem door" that only opens when you have all the gems. Inside is normally the final hidden Gobbo. Exploring the stages and collecting all the hidden gems and Gobbos has always been the highlight of the game for me. The whole game is really well-designed. The levels are fun and cute. They are a joy to explore. As I said earlier, I'm glad this game got a remaster. Because at its heart, this is a really fun, solid game. The controls have always been what has held the game back.

Time to talk about those controls. We'll start with the PS1 original. Playing as Croc, you can run, jump, swing your tail, do a butt stomp, and grab onto ledges to pull yourself up. Pretty basic stuff. What makes the game's controls so tough are the tank movement controls. Now, normally, I am not one to whine about tank controls. When it comes to other games, like Resident Evil, Tomb Raider, or Dino Crisis, I am perfectly okay with tank controls. When I hear people complain about them, I roll my eyes and say "get gud, son!" But in a full 3D platformer like Croc, one that often requires precision jumping and making quick decisions, it just doesn't work. It's hard to put into words or fully describe through written text, but it just doesn't.

Let's say you've got two blocks next to each other. You want to jump on one, smash it, and jump on the other. You have to turn Croc towards the block to aim at it, hold up to run towards it, jump, do the smash, turn your character (like a tank) to the other block, hold up, hit the jump button, etc. It's just very tedious. And the game gets EXTREMELY difficult later on. There are platforms that flip upside down and throw you off. You have to precision jump from one small cube to another. Tank controls make this so, so incredibly hard.

That's where the PS4 remaster fixes things. There's no tank controls. You don't have to slowly turn your character like you're looking through a periscope. No lining up jumps with precision accuracy before you start running forward. You just point the stick the direction you want to go, and that's where you go. It may sound like a simple or small adjustment on paper, but until you've played both versions and seen the difference yourself, you won't know that it makes an absolute world of difference. The PS4 remaster is infinitely more playable. Everything else about the game is the same. The level design, the layouts, the enemy placement, the music, the sound effects, even the look of the enemies. But the control scheme instantly makes the PS4 version the ultimate version of the game. There's almost no reason to come back to the PS1 game. 

But I did. And you know what? I didn't find the tank controls to be quite as awful as they were in my memory. The PS4 version is still the better version. In fact, I'll likely never come back to the PS1 game again. But if you can adjust yourself to the tank controls and make them work, the game still holds up surprisingly well. When we get to the end of this review, the PS4 version will undoubtedly get the better review score. But the PS1 game is going to do better than I had initially expected.

Graphics:

While the PS4 version is billed as a remaster, it's really the control changes that steal the show here. It seems like the graphical update was more of an afterthought. The game does have a fresh coat of paint to make it look more modern. You can switch back and forth between the new graphics and the PS1 graphics at any time. Surprisingly, the PS1 game still looks totally fine. I thought it would have that ugly, pixelated look to it like many games of the time do. But no, it looks great. I even played the original PS1 game on original hardware, and I still think it looks good also. 

I can't say the game looks as imaginative as other PS1 titles like Crash Bandicoot or Spyro. The levels are a lot more basic and generic looking. The PS4 gloss of paint doesn't even do much to make them look better, aside from smoothing some of the jagged edges. It's still a very basic looking game with a lot of big, empty spaces. But it has its charms. There is so much that stands out in this game, with its Gobbos, colored gems, gongs, stained glass windows, and big gem doors.

Sound:

I came into my most recent playthrough on the PS4 remembering very little about the game's music from the last time I'd played it. But you know what? I really enjoyed it. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that the music is one of the best things about the game. It's catchy, it's fun, it's upbeat. I could see myself adding a ton of this game's music to my video game music playlist. A few of my favorites are the spooky underground themes that sound like Midsummer Murders, the title theme, and the theme that plays when you hit the gong to end a level.

Sound effects are great, too. I like the sound it makes when you pick up a gem, a Gobbo, or pretty much anything. The noises Croc makes are great. Kersplat (or as I say, Kershpack!) is iconic, as are his other little noises. Yizzo! My son for some reason really likes the noises the bosses make when they die. All in all, this game has some really memorable music and sound effects. And I can't even say which version of the game is better, because they are completely identical across both versions of the game.

Link to a playlist of the game's music

Overall:

I didn't expect to enjoy this game as much as I did. In fact, I was dreading having to play it. But the PS4 Platinum Edition truly takes everything bad about the original Croc and its jank controls, and fixes it. It made the game a true joy to play through. I loved exploring the levels and getting 100% of the secret gems and Gobbos for the very first time.

My six year old son really loved the game, too. That's another reason the PS4 version is far superior. It is very easy to pick up and play. If I had put the original Croc in front of him, he probably would not have enjoyed it nearly as much as he did. In fact, he likely would have given up on it very quickly. All because of those crappy controls.

The PS4 version also offers better graphics. And some extra things like Trophies (I got a platinum, heyyyyy look at me!) and speed run challenges. So clearly the PS4 version is better. This is not in question. BUT what surprised me was that I actually did enjoy coming back to the PS1 version with the tank controls. I thought I would hate it, or that I would find the game to be unplayable. But no. It's perfectly fine. The level layouts are still the same. The collectibles, the enemies, all of it. It's still pretty much the exact same game. The controls definitely suffer, though. Especially when you get to the end of the game with all the rotating platform levels. Ugh.

But anyway, I had a surprisingly fun time with both versions of Croc. The PS4 version is ultimately the more playable version. When you aren't having to struggle with the controls, you have more time to notice the clever level design and awesome music. Plus, you'll be able to explore without the constant threat of some freak control/camera related death screwing you over. The PS1 version is still fun, though. It's literally the same game, but with crappier controls, which makes the game a thousand times more difficult. If you have the choice of playing both, the PS4 game is the one you want to pick.

And I do suggest playing this game. It is very fun to explore. The gameplay is simple and has a very classic charm to it. Maybe it is the nostalgia speaking, but I love it. It comes from a very explorative time of game development. There weren't a lot of great 3D platformers when this came out. The fact that it holds up so well is fairly impressive. Play it if you can. And if you can't? Well, I guess you'll probably survive. But if you're a fan of the genre, I consider this a must-play.

THE GRADES:

PS1 original: B-

PS4 Platinum Edition: B+

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

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Video Game Review #621: Bramble: The Mountain King

Bramble: The Mountain King

PlayStation 4

Before Playing:

I've been in a video game playing rut lately. I just haven't been able to get into anything. I recently started Bully for the PS2, but I didn't like having to follow a schedule and go to class and that kind of thing. I wanted something less limiting and more, I don't know, video gamey. So I headed over to PlayStation Plus to see if there was something short I could play to get me back into the gaming mood.

As soon as I saw Bramble: The Mountain King, I knew that it was a game that I had to check out. The graphics and the dreamlike, fairy tale atmosphere of the game jumped out at me. I quickly looked up some reviews and found that the game was relatively well received. And best of all: it was short.

So I decided to put Bully on hiatus for a little bit and turn my attention to this game. How would I like it? Let's find out!

Story:

The basic plot of the game is that you are playing as a boy named Olle. He and his sister wander away from their home late at night. His sister leads them through some magical adventures (real or imagined?) before she is taken by the evil Mountain King. You then have to proceed through this dark and mystical land all by yourself, making your way through various different Nordic fairy tales, to save her.

I didn't know what the game was about when I came into it. And even after beating it, I still have questions. It's very surreal and dreamlike. You never know what is real and what's a hallucination. Like, did all of this actually happen or was it all in the main character's head, ala Where the Wild Things Are? Much of the game's events are up for interpretation. If you've ever played games like Shadow of the Colossus, Inside, Rime, or Ico, you should know what I'm talking about. It's one of those "video games as art" kinds of titles.

The game is inspired by Nordic fairy tales. It may seem like a kids game at first, but it gets dark FAST. In fact, I would say that this was one of the scarier and more unnerving games I've played in recent memory. It's not  that the game is an outright horror title. It's isn't. It's not even the same type of scary you'd see in Resident Evil or The Evil Within. I suppose if anything it leans more to the abstract Silent Hill side of things. It's more of a surreal, psychological type of horror. You may read a fairy tale about a scary witch or a butcher that lives in the forest and is projected by magic, but the game brings it to life in a way that is terrifying and unexpected. It really tries to mess with your mind.

Gameplay:

I hesitate to call this a walking simulator, because it has more refined gameplay elements than you normally see in a walking sim. You have full 360 degree control of your character. You can run, jump, pick items up, and climb on top of things. There are a couple of combat segments against boss characters, but for the most part, this is a battle free game. You're mainly going to be relying on your puzzle solving skills in this one.

That said, this is a very simple game that involves a lot of walking. Mainly, you will find yourself being guided along by the story, from one fairy book tale to another. These tales get progressively darker as the game goes on. Early in the game, you'll find yourself doing lighthearted things like herding lawn gnomes around and riding on top of hedgehogs. By the end of the game, you'll be hiding in the shadows from evil witches that eat children.

I wish I could go into greater detail about the gameplay, but there really isn't much to say. Go where the game tells you to go, and pick up the things the game tells you to pick up. Like I said, the story pretty much moves you along.

Some of the puzzles are clever, like when you have to find the right ingredients to brew potions to open sealed doors. Since you're playing as a kid, there isn't any hand-to-hand combat because obviously a child would be no match for some of the game's monstrosities. Instead, you're given an amulet that glows when you hold it up. During normal levels, the amulet can scare away would-be attackers. During boss segments, the amulet fires magical attacks at enemies. 

The boss battles are probably the highlight of the game. Some of the bosses can be pretty big. They require unorthodox lines of thought to beat them. For example, in one boss battle, you have to fire away at all the effigies hanging in the trees and destroy them before you can take down the boss. I remember attacking the boss nonstop for fifteen minutes and getting frustrated that my attacks weren't doing anything. It's one of the only instances I had to look to the internet for help in this game.

The game took me about a week to complete. I didn't get out a stop watch or anything, so I can't tell you how many hours I played. I'm willing to bet that if I'd sat down and sank about 5 or 6 hours into the game per day, I would have beaten in 2 or 3 days (if that). Instead, I only played for an hour or two per day, and still finished it within a week.

There's not really any point in coming back to play, except to get any trophies you missed. Except as soon as I saw one of the trophies was "complete the game without dying" I was immediately like oh hell naw. No way I'm ever going to be able to do that.

Graphics:

There's no doubt this is a visually stunning game. It's very atmospheric, too. It's like a dark, haunting series of fairy tales come to life. It can be bright and fun when it wants to be, and dark and terrifying at the same time.

This is one of those games I'd recommend immersing yourself in by wearing headphone and playing it in the dark with no distractions. A little herbage wouldn't hurt, either. While we're on the topic, if I ever, erm, go "on a trip" anywhere in the near future, this would be the perfect game to put on while doing so. Even if it is just a video of someone else playing. I bet it would be amazing.

Sound:

The game sounds just as good as it looks. Voice acting is top notch. The game really sells the dark and haunting "fairy tale gone bad" atmosphere. Like I said with the graphics, this is a game that needs to be played in the dark with headphones on for the full experience.

Side note - due to the game having "Mountain King" in its title, I was half-expecting to hear "In the Hall of the Mountain King" by Grieg at some point in the game. You'd know the song if you looked up a video of it, even if you don't know it by name. But this song actually DOES make an appearance during the final boss battle. And holy crap, it was well worth the wait. One of the more epic moments I've seen in a game lately.

Overall:

This is game that I can't help but to root for. It looks great, it sounds amazing. The setting is fantastic. It's an extraordinarily atmospheric and immersive title, and you can easily see that it is very well made. Buuuuuuut, is it any fun to play? That's debatable.

Would I ever play this game again? Probably not. Would I watch a playthrough of this game - just to experience the atmosphere and the visuals? Probably. That's a bit telling to me. My motto for my reviews has always been "gameplay is king." But this game has mediocre gameplay and I still like it. If I was going on gameplay alone, this would be in the C- or D+ range. But due to the incredible storytelling, music, and visuals of the game, giving it a score that low would be unfathomable to me. So this is a somewhat interesting spot for me to be in.

I guess I'll fall back on the good ol' reliable "above average" grade of a C+. I feel like I give a lot of games this grade. Not good enough to be in the B range, but not bad enough to be considered average or below average. It's slightly above average. I guess I can live with that. It may have mediocre gameplay, but as an experience, it delivers.

THE GRADE:

C+

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2026 Things: May

A complete list of all the movies I watched, podcasts I listened to, video games I completed, and episodes of TV I watched in the month of May, 2026.

Previous 2026 months:

January

February

March

April

5.01: Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (30.05, 30.06). Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro (Live Show 6.4.21). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 84). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Voyager (1.08). Watched 1 episode of Lost (5.10).

5.02: Watched 2 episodes of The Amazing Race (18.01, 18.02). Watched 1 episode of Lost (5.11). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (It: Welcome to Derry Season 1 Post-Mortem). Finished video game: Batman (arcade).

5.03: Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 75). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (Quick Save Club ep 14). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (9.170). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 315). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (3.11). Watched 1 episode of Lost (5.12). 

5.04: Watched 3 episodes of Lost (5.13, 5.14, 5.15). Listened to 1 episode of Staff Picks (Liar, Liar). Watched movie: The Menu. Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (10 Greatest Video Game Levels of All Time). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (9.172). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (The Pastel Man). Watched movie: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990).

5.05: Watched 2 episodes of Lost (5.16, 5.17). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 267). Watched 3 episodes of The Challenge (30.07, 30.08, 30.09). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (9.171). 

5.06: Watched 2 episodes of The Sopranos (3.12, 3.13). Finished video game: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (GBA). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.03). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (30.10). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 118). Watched 2 episodes of Lost (6.01, 6.02). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (4.27.26 ep). 

5.07: Watched 1 episode of Survivor (50.11). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming (ep 64). Watched 2 episodes of Lost (6.03, 6.04). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.04). Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (30.11, 30.12). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 91). Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (117). Finished video game: Alien Syndrome (arcade).

5.08: Watched 3 episodes of Lost (6.05, 6.06, 6.07). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (Micro 71). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.05). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (30.13). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.05). Watched movie: Apex.

5.09: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (30.14). Listened to 1 episode of The Stephen Kingcast (New Episode -Rose Red 2002). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.06). Watched 1 episode of Lost (6.08). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (My First Creation). Watched 1 episode of Daredevil: Born Again (2.01).

5.10: Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 77). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.09). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Street Fighter Showdown: Game Brawlers Draft). Watched 1 episode of Lost (6.09). Watched 1 episode of Lord of the Flies (1.01).

5.11: Watched movie: The Wretched. Watched 2 episodes of Lost (6.10, 6.11). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Rose Red). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (4.30.26 ep). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (Cowboy Bebop w/ Special Guests from Retro Anime). 

5.12: Watched 2 episodes of Lord of the Flies (1.02, 1.03). Watched 3 episodes of Lost (6.12, 6.13, 6.14). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (30.15). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 268). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (4.01). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Double Feature: 12 Minutes and The Long List).

5.13: Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (30.16, 30.17). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.10). Watched 2 episodes of Lost (6.15, 6.16). Watched 1 episode of Lord of the Flies (1.04).

5.14: Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 85). Watched 2 episodes of Lost (6.17, 6.18). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (50.12). Watched movie: Remarkably Bright Creatures. Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 316). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (30.18). Watched 1 episode of Daredevil: Born Again (2.02).

5.15: Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 151). Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (118). Watched 1 episode of Daredevil: Born Again (2.03). Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (30.19, 30.20). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.07). Watched movie: Trap. 

5.16: Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (The Stephen King Interview). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.08). Watched 1 episode of Daredevil: Born Again (2.04). Watched 1 episode of Only Murders in the Building (5.01). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (ep 67). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming (Post 4/20 Edition: Stoner Game Recommendations Pt II). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Voyager (1.09). 

5.17: Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Tales From Hyrule: Is Tears of the Kingdom Worth Playing?). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.06). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Chapo Trap House's Will Menaker). Watched 1 episode of Daredevil: Born Again (2.05). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (4.02). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.09). 

5.18: Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (QSC Savepoint - Ep 3). Watched 1 episode of Daredevil: Born Again (2.06). Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 76). Listened to 1 episode of The Stephen Kingcast (ep 175). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 86). Watched 1 episode of Only Murders in the Building (5.02). 

5.19: Watched movie: Brokeback Mountain. Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (119). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.10). Watched 1 episode of Daredevil: Born Again (2.07). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (4.03).

5.20: Watched movie: 77 Minutes. Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (18.11). Watched 1 episode of Daredevil: Born Again (2.08). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (4.04). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 120).

5.21: Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.08). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (50.13). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (1.01).

5.22:  Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 269). Watched movie: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Persuaded). Watched 1 episode of Beast Games (1.01). Watched 1 episode of Pirate Master (1.01). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (1.02). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (5.7.26 ep). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (4.05).

5.23: Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 317). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (Micro 72). Listened to 2 episodes of Creepy pod (The Keyhole, The Tall Man). Watched 1 episode of Beast Games (1.02). Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (1.03, 1.04).

5.24: Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 87). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (5.14.26 ep). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 84). Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (120). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 122). Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (1.05, 1.06). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Shatter). Watched 1 episode of Beast Games (1.03). 

5.25: Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (1.07, 2.01). Watched 1 episode of Beast Games (1.04). Listened to 1 episode of Stephen Kingcast (New Ep - Trucks). Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro (Live Show: 6.11.21). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.14). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Game Mechanics that aged TERRIBLY).

5.26: Watched 2 episodes of Beast Games (1.05, 1.06). Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (2.02, 2.03). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (From a Buick 8). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (No Wolves in the Stillwood). Watched 1 episode of Pirate Master (1.02). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (Halloween Ends w/ Jim from Film Rage).

5.27: Watched movie: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 270). Watched 2 episodes of Beast Games (1.07, 1.08). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (4.06). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (2.04). 

5.28: Watched movie: The Passenger. Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.15). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 85). Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (2.05, 2.06). Watched 1 episode of Beast Games (1.09). Watched movie: Karate Kid: Legends.

5.29: Watched 1 episode of Beast Games (1.10). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 93). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (4.07). Watched 1 episode of Home Improvement (1.20). Watched 1 episode of Pirate Master (1.03). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (2.07). Finished video game: Bramble: The Mountain King.

5.30: Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 152). Watched 2 episodes of Pirate Master (1.04, 1.05). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (2.08). Watched 1 episode of Only Murders in the Building (5.03). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (4.08). Watched 1 episode of new American Gladiators (1.01). Listened to 1 episode of Stephen Kingcast (ep 141). 

5.31: Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (2.09). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (Micro 73). Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 78). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 319). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (John Carpenter's The Thing Turns 40). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (ep 76). Watched 1 episode of Only Murders in the Building (5.04).

Most things done (min of 6)

26 episodes of Lost watched

16 episodes of The Challenge watched

16 episodes of Breaking Bad watched

12 movies watched

11 episode of The Amazing Race watched

11 episodes of The Sopranos watched

10 episodes of Beast Games watched

10 episode of The FF Dynasty played

8 episodes of Daredevil: Born Again watched

8 episodes of Creepy podcast played

6 episodes of The Cartridge Club played

6 episodes of The Losers Club played

6 episodes of Retrovaniacs played

6 episodes of Retronauts played

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #620: Alien Syndrome

Alien Syndrome

Arcade

Nostalgia Factor:

I just reviewed the NES version of Alien Syndrome a few weeks ago. I had a good time with the game, and I really wanted to check out the arcade version to see how they compared. I have faint memories of the arcade game from when I was a kid. I was always fascinated by it, with its alien creatures, weird looking bosses, and futuristic stage design. I was never very good at it, though, and would normally die somewhere around the second or third level.

I figured this would be a good time to come back and finish off the game once and for all - while it is fresh in my memory from playing the NES title. Which version is the ultimate version of Alien Syndrome? Guess it is time to find out.

Story:

There's not much of a story here. You control one of two soldiers: Ricky or Mary. It's the future, and there's been an alien invasion. You must fight your way through a series of 6 stages, rescuing 12 prisoners from each stage and then fighting a boss at the end of each stage. When you are done, you go right into a boss battle against the end character. The big bad alien head guy.

When you beat him, your characters are lauded as heroes, while the game hints at a possible return from the aliens in the future. The end.

(Yes, I copied and pasted this from my NES review of Alien Syndrome. Call me lazy if you want.)

Gameplay:

I'm not going to spend too much time summarizing the gameplay. It's the same thing you see in the NES version, which I just reviewed. I'd copy and paste like I did with the story summary, but that's just lazy. I'll post the link to my old review instead :)

Alien Syndrome NES Review

The version of this that I played was the version located on the Sonic Genesis Collection for the PS3. I specifically chose this version, because it offers the ability to save your game at any time. If you die or run out of lives completely, you can reload the last save and try again. Otherwise, in this game, there are no continues. If you use up your lives, you gave to start the whole thing from the beginning again. I tried to do it without saving, but the game gets too difficult around stage four or five. Even when you learn where everything is, and the best strategy for navigating a level, some fluke shot or enemy appearance can take you out before you even know it. One hit kills you, and there isn't a way to earn extra lives. Every single life matters.

The main thing that tripped me up with this game was the boss battles. The stages themselves actually aren't that hard. But the behavior of the bosses can be unpredictable. I believe it is the stage four boss that kept tripping me up. The margin for error is razor thin. Like I said - one hit kills you. Even if you make it to this boss on a perfect run, you can still find yourself dying BAM BAM BAM in twenty seconds. Back to the beginning of the entire game you go. That's why I eventually gave up and decided to use save states.

The bosses get even harder from there. I don't know how anyone could ever beat this game without saving, because that last boss in particular is insanely tough. He emits this radiating circle attack where you have to squeeeeze into a safe space in between beams that is insanely small and tight. You have to be pixel perfect in order to not get killed immediately. And he repeats this attack 10+ times throughout the course of the battle. I had to save after literally every single successful dodge. And even then, I struggled. I'm sure there are people that have beaten this game without cheating. But damn. I can't imaging ever being that good at the game to do so. As a result, I feel zero guilt about my prodigious use of save states.

Graphics:

It doesn't really come across in the screenshots, but the game looks good. I much prefer it to the NES version. It's got a funky color scheme. It can be bright and colorful in areas, while dark and creepy in others. Each stage has different alien creatures to fight. Luckily, there aren't as many enemies that look like genitals in this version of the game. The bosses are the visual highlight. Giant, grotesque alien creatures. Each one takes a different strategy to defeat. I always looked forward to seeing these.

While the premise of the game is essentially the same for every level (rescue the prisoners and then get out), each level has its own unique feel to it. Some stages take place on a more Alien-like space ship or space station. Others take place in cave-like environments where you have to walk around on jagged ledges, being careful not to fall off the edge. I always loved those levels. Another one features a glass floor that you walk around on, where you can see off into space below you. So while you are doing the same thing over and over again, it always feels different because of all the fun stage designs and enemy creatures.

Sound:

This game sounds alright. The stage music gets you in the mood to shoot some aliens. It's a little darker than the NES soundtrack, and feels more appropriate to the game. As far as visuals and music go, the edge definitely goes to the arcade game.

Overall:

I had a fun time with this game. The only thing really holding it back is its difficulty. I mean, the difficulty itself isn't that bad, actually. But it's more the fact that you don't have the opportunity to earn extra lives, and there is no way to continue. It doesn't matter how many quarters you put in. The game must be beaten on one quarter. That's insane to me. 

I got pretty good at the game, and could make it to stage 4 or 5 on one quarter. But something unlucky is pretty much guaranteed to happen every single time you play this, no matter how good you are. I'd be on a perfect run, but then always find a way to make that crucial mistake that would totally F me over big time. I ended up having to turn to the Sonic Collection version on the PS3 just so I could use save states to get myself through the game. Wait, did I already mention that? Oh yeah, I did. Carry on.

If it wasn't for that one large, glaring flaw, this game would probably rate much higher for me. I think it would have been a more popular game in general. It just never truly feels like you can beat it, no matter how good you are. You have to be absolutely flawless to even have a chance. And that's just not possible.

That said, I still really like the game. I don't have it in me to give it anything lower than a B, which is what the slightly more accessible and winnable NES version got. It's the better game in many regards. Mainly the graphics and the presentation. But gameplay is pretty much the same. So it's a draw in my mind. The uglier game that can actually be beaten, or the prettier game that's mind numbingly difficult and borderline unbeatable? It's a matter of preference. And I don't lean strongly either way.

THE GRADE:

B

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

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Video Game Review #619: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

Game Boy Advance

Before Playing:

This game has been on my radar for a few years now. It has a big cult following online, and is often considered one of the better games based on the Star Wars prequels. I never had a Game Boy Advance growing up. And even if I did, I probably would have avoided this game under the assumption that it was just another soulless movie tie-in. But hearing all the praise was enough to get me interested in the game. Let's se if it is worthy of all the accolades. 

Time to jump in.

Story:

There are essentially two different story modes in this game: the one where you follow Obi-Wan's story and the one where you follow Anakin's. They start and end the same. It's in the middle where they go their separate ways.

The game begins the same way the movie does: during the big space battle where Chancellor Palpatine is taken by Count Dooku. Playing as your character of choice, you fight through a bunch of enemies in order to save the Chancellor. Then you fight Dooku and put an end to his reign of terror. After a few levels where you fight attackers away from Coruscant, each main character is sent their own separate way. Obi-Wan goes of to fight General Grievous, while Anakin is sent to spy on the Chancellor. If you've seen the movie, you should know where things go. Obi-Wan fights Grievous and a bunch of droid soldiers, while Anakin becomes corrupted and starts killing Jedi and younglings at the Academy. This divergence makes the game essential to play through a second time around, so you can see each side of the story.

The game ends on Mustafar. If you play as Anakin, you fight Obi-Wan. If you play as Obi-Wan, you fight Anakin. Regardless who you play as, the game ends the same way: with Obi-Wan gaining the high ground and winning. Each ending features its own cutscene. Obi-Wan's ending features the birth of the twins and the beginning of his isolation on Tatooine. Anakin's ending features his transformation to Darth Vader.

If you liked the movie, you should like the way its story was adapted to the game. Sure, there are a lot of differences (such as battles and enemies that weren't in the movie), but I have to say that this is one of the more faithful game adaptations of a movie that I've seen.

Gameplay:

On the surface, this is a fairly standard side scrolling beat 'em up, similar to games you'd see in the 90s like Final Fight or the TMNT games. When I first started playing this, I actually found the game to be quite easy. Most enemies die within a hit or two. They aren't attack sponges. But this game is deceptively difficult. There are often swarms of enemies coming at you from all sides. They can rack up tons of damage on you in an instant if you aren't careful. So, while you can defeat them easily, there are a ton of them to ward off, and they can mess you up very quickly.

You start the game with two lives. I'd say there are about 15 or so stages to complete in the game? If you come to this blog expecting facts and hard research, you've come to the wrong place. But anyway, once you complete a stage, you are given skill points to assign to your character. You can use them to increase your health, your strength, or your Force meter. I ignored my Force powers until about halfway through the game when I was forced to use them - and that was a mistake. They make your life so much easier in this game.

Obi-Wan has a healing move. Anakin can Force choke enemies. They both have Force pushes to shove enemies away when you are getting overwhelmed. There are other Force moves, too, but I didn't use all of them. I'd say you can probably make it through the whole game without using any Force powers, but there are a few bosses that require you to use your Force moves by picking things up and throwing them. 

The game does get difficult very quickly, despite the easy start. The standard enemies begin to do more damage. The game adds environmental hazards, like falling debris. There are turrets and laser traps set up all over the place to make your life miserable. Plus, some bosses unload heavy artillery on you, which drains your health super quickly. It's very frustrating to get to a boss and then get wiped out before you even have a chance to learn its pattern or develop a strategy.

Each stage, you start with the amount of lives you carried over from the previous stage. So if you survived with three lives - you're in good shape. If you survived with one, you're almost better off dying on purpose when you reach the new stage so you can start it over again with two lives. You're going to need them.

The hardest part of the game has to be its duels. These are one on one lightsaber battles between two skilled opponents. Anakin vs Dooku. Obi-Wan vs Grievous. Anakin vs Mace Windu. Anakin vs Obi-Wan. Instead of following the beat 'em up formula, the game shifts to what can almost be described as a fighting game. Except instead of relentlessly attacking your opponent, you want to play defensively and block their attacks. This leaves them vulnerable to follow-up damage. To beat these stages, you have to be quick at parrying and blocking attacks from different angles. A lot of memory work is involved. You have to know if you should be standing or ducking when you block, or which direction on the D-pad you should be pressing. There's also a Force defense button to defend yourself against Force attacks.

The enemy attacks are fast and furious, and your reflexes have to be top notch if you want to win these duels. I almost liken them to quick time events, except the game isn't showing you what you need to press on the screen. It can be brutal.

Graphics:

This is a great looking game. I just love the pixel art. It's sharp, it's clean, and it captures the feel of the film perfectly. It's like a colorful, comic book-style translation of the movie come to life. Just look at these screenshots. It is beautiful. 

What I wouldn't do for a side-scrolling platformer or Contra-like shooter with this art style (no, Super Star Wars doesn't count). It would be soooooo fucking bad ass. 

Sound:

This is a great 16-bit style rendition of the Star Wars music we've come to know and love. Except it sounds better than other 16-bit games, like (again) the Super Star Wars Trilogy. The sound effects, like the hum of the lightsaber and the shot of a blaster are all top-notch. Nothing to complain about here.

Overall:

This game was a lot different from what I thought it would be. Sure, it is a side-scrolling beat 'em up. We've all seen those before. But it does so many things differently, like the branching paths, the lightsaber duels, the added Force powers, and the ability to level up your character. It's challenging without being too overly frustrating. Running out of lives doesn't mean you have to do the whole game over from the beginning. You just start the stage again with two lives.

It looks good, it sounds good. It follows the plot of the movie well. It gives you some replay value with the added paths and abilities. If it sounds like I'm building this game up, it is because it deserves to be built up. It is legitimately a good game, and one of the better Star Wars titles I've played in recent memory.

With all that being said, there is a lot that the game could have done better. Both the boss battles and the lightsaber duels are brutally difficult. At least you can memorize/trial and error your way through the duels. But many boss fights don't give you enough time to figure out what to do before the game kills you. I remember there being some frustrating tank levels that took me a while to complete. And there's a stage where a fighter pilot zips back and forth on the screen, and you have to take him and his aircraft down. Nothing I was doing was damaging him, and he was draining my health FAST, so I had to look online to see what to do to beat him. Seriously. I had to look on the internet to find out how to kill an enemy in a beat 'em up. 

All in all, I am very glad I decided to take the plunge and finally check this game out. I've only been dragging my feet on it for how many years now? I have no doubt that if I had grown up with a Game Boy Advance, I would have played the absolute hell out of this. I had a good time with it. Not only did I enjoy the game, I can easily see myself coming back and making my way through it again someday. That's how you know I really like a game. When I'm willing to consider coming back and playing it again someday. 

While this isn't the greatest Star Wars game ever made, there is no denying that it is very fun and very easy to pick up and play. I'd recommend checking it out.  

THE GRADE:

B

I keep going back and forth on if this should be a B or a B+. I feel like a B+ is too high, but a B is underselling the game. I guess I'd rather undersell it. A B+ feels more wrong than a B. So a B it is.

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

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VHS Tape #30: Man Boob Tape

                                 

Wow, what a milestone. This is the 30th old VHS tape I've gone through and labeled. This one is called man boob tape because it seems like every other thing on this tape is some shirtless, very large man with big knockers running around.

(00:00:00)

The Biggest Loser. This is the season with Dr Jeff and Matt the wrestler. The trainers work out with their players before the challenge. Gillian clashes with Matt. Players resist the ski ball carnival temptation game. Players have to hold on to a pole that floats over the water. Jeff is first to fall off. Andrea wins. Contestants weighed in and Jeff and Andrea are below the yellow line. Andrea confesses to eating brownies. Jeff goes home, and a video montage recaps his journey on the show. Man boobs are everywhere.

Family Matters. This is the episode where Urkel, Carl, and Eddie go ice fishing. Judy and Richie feud.  Laura stuffs her bra. Emergency alert system update interrupts episode. On the fishing trip, Carl falls through the ice and is saved by Urkel.

(1:01:14)

Jerry Springer. "Extra Skin, Extra Gal"
 - Chunky white women fight over a shirtless man with loose skin and saggy man boobs. I'm telling you, this tape is appropriately titled.

Family Matters (cont)

 - Post accident, Steve and Carl have a heart to heart

Jerry Springer (cont)
 - Black women duke it out

Mad TV Spy vs Spy clip. White spy writes note to hitman to kill black spy, but the black spy switches the note last minute to say kill the white spy. The hitman looks at the note upon receiving it and shoots the white spy.

Jerry Springer (cont)
 - Black women continue to fight over a dude named Jerry
 - Questions from the audience. Always an entertaining segment
 - Saggy skin guy dances in the audience with black women
 - Old ladies in audience show boobs and dance on stripper pole. This is a great episode
 - Ye olde Final Thought
 - Steve races with saggy man boob guy down the back hallway in slow motion. This dude really is the star of the show.

The Weakest Link. There's nothing really special about this one, except an older lady in a very brightly colored sweater. She gets voted out second and I stop recording after she goes home.

Ripley's Believe it or Not
 - Little girl with messed up jaw and face undergoes surgery

Brief commercial clip with Snoop Dogg in it

(1:42:04)

Happy Tree Friends
 - Keepin' it Reel. Flippy freaks out in movie theater and kills the other animals.
 - RFTV. Bulletproof vest commercial
 - Thuh Greenfields. Husband goes out to hunt possum.
 - Frog. Animated skit about a frog that has a big adventure. At the end he gets eaten and pooped out of a butthole and it's really gross.
 - Petey and Jaydee. The Electric Razor
 - Thuh Greenfields. Drunk dog pukes.
 - Hard Drinking Lincoln. Abe taunts Robert E. Lee at the end of the Civil War.
 - This Is Your Knife. Flippy has war flashbacks at a campfire and flips out and kills everyone again.
 - Thuh Greenfields. Hubby comes back in his underwear swinging a dead possum. There's a little boy in the house looking for his lost possum.
 - Petey and Jaydee. Hairspray.
 - Thuh Greenfields. Hubby shoots the kid.
 - Snip Snip Hooray. Baby's head injured repeatedly in hair cutting session.

Short clip of Discovery Channel special about Kennedy assassination

MXC. The "Most Best of" special.
 - Log Drop. There are some really classic runs in here.
 - New game ideas
 - Clip montage of mishaps involving balls
 - Rotating Surfboard of Death
 - Wall Bangers
 - Clip montage of people with funny jobs. Tabouleh Babaganoosh in this segment.
 - Splashes. Montage of the best water wipeouts.
 - Tumbling Dominoes of Doom. Foos Babaganoosh in this segment.
 - Crotch Shot montage
 - Painful Eliminations of the Day

(2:36:39)

Hilton Griswold clip. It's the very end of a song and Hilton starts laughing because he thought he was going to forget the words.

Discovery Channel clip of a small girl who has a malformed parasitic twin attached to her head.

Crazy gasping blonde haired white lady preaching on the religious channel. It is like she's pretending to be one of those overly zealous ministers at black churches.

AFV from Disney World
 - Guy dumps out grill but wind changes and ashes blow back at him.
 - Dog hanging out in cooler
 - Guy on beach gets hit when he throws something and it blows back at him
 - Man falls and slides down hill into water
 - Beach go-kart wipes out
 - Para sailor dragged through sand and water before taking flight
 - Funny dog clips
 - Music montage of people on bikes, boards, and other extreme sports crashes
 - Kid kicks dad in crotch
 - Baby clips
 - Dog caddies at golf course
 - Montage of people being bit by animals
 - Boat and water mishaps
 - Football punter kicks into player's butt
 - Cat tries to climb on cactus
 - Pay phone falls over with man talking on it
 - Man fires small canon in house and ceiling collapses
 - Family of the week
 - Race car crash
 - Out of control moped
 - Dog looks like it is driving car
 - Woman sprayed by spinning tire of car stuck in mud

E! True Hollywood Story - Janice Dickinson. This first part deals with her addiction to men and cocaine. She was abused sexually by her dad.

AFV (cont)
 - Beach and vacationing clips
 - Skiing accidents
 - Funny Australian animal clips
 - Backwards videos

Dickinson special (cont). Janice's first marriage falls apart. Failed relationship with Sly Stallone. Another marriage falls apart. Janice sobers up on July 17, 2000. My 18th birthday.

AFV (cont)
- Kids at a graduation have funny answers when asked what they want to be when they grow up
- Kid throws tantrum on camera but when camera moves away he stops. When camera comes back on him, he falls down and starts crying again.
- Dog growls and bites at own foot
- Man falls trying to jump fence
- Swing breaks with girl swinging on it and she lands on feet
- Ducks run out of tube
- Kids sit on vibrating washing machine
- 2 liter rocket goes through basketball hoop
- Woman falls off stage while dancing
- Wild singing Asian falls
- Asian with tight stocking pulled over head
- Girl falls in water during tantrum
- People try to cram on crowded bus.
- Monks check out attractive woman
- Kid kicked by person on swing
- Old granny in China thinks she's in Mexico
- Wall falls down while woman is giving presentation
- Snow sculpture collapses on tractor with plow
- Firemen pose in front of burning building
- Fake spider scares army man
- Cop scared at morgue by another cop posing as corpse
- Man hits other man in log with golf club
- Nincompoop Corner
- Motorbike starts on fire in garage, and water that's tossed on it only makes it worse
- Bike goes up and over half pipe wall
- Spider jumps on camera lens
- Baby bounces in suspended chair thing and a cat is underneath
- Buffalo charges camera
- Camera hit with football

- Man hits self in crotch with baton and falls forward on it
- Trampoline accidents
- People losing dentures vs women falling in chairs
- Man throws hat at graduation and someone throws it back and it lands on his head perfectly
- Reporter's camera tripod falls over while she's talking
- Football player runs into pole
- Class clown hits head coming up to get award
- Man doing wheelie on dirt bike falls off and the bike keeps going
- Little girl catches 2 fish at the same time on same line
- Ramp structure collapses and falls on boy
- Woman sleeping on grass sprayed by sprinkler system
- Geese protective of a golf ball
- Kid pukes in swimming pool
- Cart crash on farm
- Guy tries to run through snow and falls, then he walks into glass trying to come into house
- Boy covered in tape
- Grandpa falls off dock trying to get off boat
- Dog mounts man's head
- Boy scared by fake monster in toilet

(3:36:52)

Talking Turkey With Rudy. Rudy chats with fans over Thanksgiving dinner. He talks about his experiences on Survivor. In these clips, he chats about not being able to talk to the other contestants until they were forced to jump off the boat. He also talks about Stacey and show editing.

Clip from Discovery Health channel about a morbidly obese boy.

More Talking Turkey With Rudy. Rudy talks about disliking Stacey as well as his alliance with Richard. He offers the advice not to act like anyone else - to be yourself on the show.

But Can They Sing on VH1. Group performance of Superfreak.

Talking Turkey. Rudy discusses the hardest challenges for him, including the bug eating competition. He also talks about booting Dirk as well as his alliance's strategy discussions.

AFV. Bob Saget edition. Yay!
- Guy on board falls and rolls down hill
- Guy on skis in house falls while leaning forward
- Motorcycle crash at wedding reception
- Fake alligator scares unsuspecting man
- Guy launched from air mattress when someone jumps on other end
- Man in football gear runs through wall
- Showoff hits self in face with pole
- Funny bird clips
- Little Asian boy paints house
- Funny fishing clips
- Thomas Edison - The Way It Wasn't
- Fake gator clip wins in the end

Talking Turkey. Rudy shares his thoughts on the Final Four and says goodbye to his new friends.

Clips from the Biggest Loser finale. Doctor Jeff's journey recapped. He weighs in for the last time. Matt wins. More man boobs.

Happy Tree Friends Winter Break special
- Death and horror revolving around the putting up of Christmas lights

Tiny clip of Asian rugby players on ESPN

Happy Tree Friends (cont.)
- Kringle postcards
- Tongue Twister Trouble. Sniffles gets tongue stuck in ice and it's ripped off
- Out On a Limb. Tree falls on Lumpy's leg and he must amputate it

Cinematech - Weird and perverted game montage
 - Creepy Japanese game with sexy half naked girls
 - Old Atari style games remade with perverted graphics. These kind of clips are interspersed throughout the whole show.
 - Singing bear
 - More weird games
- Bratz: Rock Angels
- Half naked girl game again, followed by another clip of the arcade looking game.
- Weird Japanese sex simulator game
- Singing bear again
- GTA clip
- Namco X Capcom. Kos-Mos and others fight.

(4:16:04)

The Early Show. Gary Hogeboom after getting voted out. Sadness :(

Happy Tree Friends (cont)
- More Kringle postcards
- Caveman frozen in ice cube slides down hill and causes lots of death and mayhem.
- Ski Ya, Wouldn't Want To Be Ya. Flaky dies skiing.
- Lawnmower kills baby
- A Class Act. Christmas play goes terribly wrong

Cinematech (cont.)
- Lulzy singing bear
- Some game with battling construction vehicles
- Pervy Japanese girl game again
- You Don't Know Richard. Oddball FMV dating game for the PC.
- Singing bear

(4:37:47)

VH1 best of '05 reality show special
 - Biggest reality star award. Bo Bice wins it. Losers are Tommy Lee, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and Danny Bonaduce.
 - Stars of reality group song. Singers include Matt, Seth, and Suzie from Biggest Loser. Fairplay, Ian, Janu, and Katie from Survivor. Vonzell, Anthony, Jessica, and Nikko from American Idol. And Howie and Kaysar from Big Brother.

Jay Leno headlines segment. These are always good.

Def Leppard performs Pour Some Sugar On Me on VH1 awards show

Bo Bice performs on Jay Leno. He sings the Real Thing.

Scene from A Christmas Story with the Chinese restaurant. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!

COPS. Not a full scene, just a clip of some crazy old homeless dude with frizzy hair getting arrested. He wants alcohol more then anything.

Discovery Health channel clip about little people and huge tall people.

(5:05:09)

Family Matters. The episode where Urkel learns to drive and crashes the car into the Winslow's garage. 3 2 1, 1 2 3. What the heck is bothering me?

Star Trek: The Next Generation. Encounter at Farpoint, part one. This is the first TNG episode ever. It's a 2 part episode. The second part is on the next tape.

END OF TAPE

VHS Archive:

Introduction: VHS Tapes and Me

VHS Tape #0: Howard Stern Tape

Funny Mix #1

Funny Cable Tape (2)

Rudy Boesch Mix (3)

Funny Tape (4)

The Ultimate Rupert Boneham Mix (5)

Are You Ready? (6)

Mixed Tape #7

Matteo Tape (8)

Funny If You're a Pothead (9)

John Tape (10)

Funny Mix #11

Crazy Tape of Psychos (12)

Funny Mix #13

Mixed, Jumbled, Confused, Shaken: It's a Record Tape! (14)

Peanut Tape (15)

Can You Dig It? (16)

Another Fantastic Record Tape (17)

Fairplay (18)

Survivor All Stars (19)

This Tape is The Bomb, Dawg (20)

Go Bo! Bo Bice Record Tape (21)

May + June '05 Record Tape (22)

Hooo-what?? (23)

Too Many Reality Shows (24)

Bye Bye Brandon Calhoon and Kaysar (25)

Bad Sound Tape (26)

Marty Rocks + Howie Too (27)

Crazy Ray is Awesome! (28)

For Shizzle (29)

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #618: Syphon Filter

Syphon Filter

PlayStation

Nostalgia Factor:

Syphon Filter was insanely hyped when it came out back in 1999. I remember all the video game magazines going nuts over it and calling it the next Metal Gear Solid. I was a huge Metal Gear fan at the time, so I was very intrigued. I went out and rented this game the weekend it came out. My initial reaction was: WTF is this?

It was nothing like Metal Gear. The story was not very interesting, nor were the characters. It didn't look as good as Metal Gear. The controls weren't as polished. And the gameplay itself was nothing like Metal Gear. Metal Gear was a cinematic stealth game with action elements. If anything, Syphon Filter was more of a run and gun shooter with jank controls that took place from a behind-the-back, Tomb Raider-esque perspective.

I didn't make it very far the weekend I rented this game. I just didn't like it. I want to say I made it to the subway level where everything goes up in flames, and then I got stuck. I ended up bringing the game back to Blockbuster when my three days were up, extremely disappointed. I felt lied to by the video game magazines that had praised this game so highly.

Guess what my dumb ass did? I rented it a second time. All those game magazines couldn't be wrong, right? Clearly I was at fault, here, and I just didn't understand the game. Well, I had an even worse time with the game the second time around. Never ended up making it out of the subway area (again), which was like 1/10th of the way through the game.

After returning Syphon Filter to the video store for the second time, I swore off the game. I didn't know if it was good or bad, but it just wasn't for me. I wouldn't pick up Syphon Filter again until March of 2024, when I downloaded an emulated version off of the PlayStation Store. This was 25 years after the game first came out. Would my opinion of the game change? No. I got stuck again. I quickly became frustrated and moved onto other things.

Now, here we are in 2026. I'm trying to tie up some loose ends and finish a bunch of games that I once started and never came back to. I'm not sure if you noticed the trend in some my recent reviews:

Alien Syndrome

Ecco: Defender of the Future

The Legend of Dragoon

Far Cry 5

All games I started in the past, but could never complete. Let's add Syphon Filter to the list. Fourth time is a charm, right? Let's find out.

Story:

I think one of the reasons the game was such a big letdown for me was because of its storyline. It's just not interesting at all. It feels like a generic action movie, akin to something like Mission Impossible or Die Hard, but not nearly as interesting. Just look at the main character. He is so generic and bland. Even after beating the game, I still don't remember his name. Ethan? Imagine playing Metal Gear and not remembering at the end of the game that you played as Solid fucking Snake. 

(I looked it up and his name is Gabriel Logan. Good to know.)

  

You are a member of the special forces, fighting a terror group that is attacking Washington, DC. They plant bombs in the subway and threaten everyone with chemical weapons. You run in there, guns ablazing, to take them out. The action spreads to different areas of DC, like Washington Park and The Freedom Memorial. After the threat is quelled, you take on a spy role and have to infiltrate a museum to... I don't know. The game and its storyline are a giant, poorly written mess.

Long story short: you are good. You are fighting the bad guys. You eventually go to their base and wipe them out. 

I didn't like the storyline as a kid, and I didn't like it now. It really is a giant mess. It's confusing. There is no character development. The dialog sucks. There is no coherent storytelling whatsoever. It just moves you from one giant set piece to another. Absolutely nothing like Metal Gear Solid, which enraptured me with its deep story and its rich collection of eclectic characters. I hate to keep bringing up Metal Gear, but you have to understand what this game was being compared to when it first came out.

I still don't like the storyline, but I've come to peace with it. It is what it is. I kind of zoned out and stopped paying attention just a few missions into the game, because I knew it didn't really matter in the long run. If they couldn't put in the effort to give us a fun or interesting storyline, I wasn't going to put in the effort to care about the crap they put in front of us.

Gameplay:

All right, here comes the most important part of my review: the gameplay segment. I crapped all over the game's storyline, but all will be forgiven if the game is actually fun to play. So, is it fun to play? That's debatable.

I will say that I enjoyed it here in 2026 more than I did on any of my three previous attempts to play the game. There is a learning curve. Just moving your character takes some practice. I swear, this feels like the most bottom-heavy video game character I've ever controlled in a game before. It feels like he is being weighed down by his ass or something. It's hard to describe. It's like you're running forward and when you turn, only the top half of your character moves and points you where you want to go. And then it takes the rest of your body a second to catch up. Going around corners is weird, too. You go around them extremely wide. Your character's physics and momentum are just "off" in a way that is hard to describe. I read somewhere on Reddit that Gabriel has "child-bearing hips" and I can't help but chuckle at that description because it feels accurate. While we are talking about controls, climbing is probably the most jank thing in the game. It's incredibly awkward lining your character up. You have to be almost pixel perfect, and one misstep will send you falling to your death. Once you figure out how to handle the controls, switch weapons, aim for your opponents' heads, etc, things become easier.

After my first day playing this game, I had already made it farther than I did on all of my previous attempts combined. I think I made it to the museum. Approaching the game from a different angle definitely helped me. This isn't Metal Gear. It's Tomb Raider. Or at least Tomb Raider adjacent. It's definitely more combat focused than either title, especially at the beginning of the game.

Once you hit the museum, the stealth elements finally kick in. You have to sneak around and follow a character. If you are spotted, you instantly lose. You have to master the art of waiting for the perfect opportunity and then headshotting the guards with your silenced weapon.

The game shifts back and forth between stealth and action from this point forward. It's still more action based, I would say. As much as I wanted to like the game, I found that the controls and the unbalanced difficulty level kept me from truly being able to enjoy it. When the game is feeling fair, things click along pretty well. But the problem is that the game loves to throw unexpected surprises at you that can kill you before you barely even have a chance to react. And then back to the last checkpoint you go. Sometimes there are long gaps between checkpoints, meaning you must replay long segments of the game again. This may have been acceptable in 1999, but in the present day - no one has time for that shit. Luckily, the version of the game I played on the PS4 has save states and a rewind feature, which I abused the hell out of.

It gets really difficult around the time that enemies with flak jackets are introduced. You either have to unload an entire clip (or two) of ammo on the enemy to kill him, or you have to line up a precision headshot to take him down immediately. Obviously, the headshot is the more sensible option, especially if you are low on ammo. Plus, it takes the enemy down much quicker. When enemies lock onto you, they can drain your health FAST, like in one or two seconds. Imagine the frustration of going on a near-perfect run, only for some standard enemy to come around the corner and kill you in less than two seconds because you aren't quick enough to get a headshot off. Stuff like that happens in this game all the time, especially in the caves. Add in the fact that it is ridiculously dark and hard to see, and it all adds up to one frustrating experience.

And then there is the climbing. Again, this becomes a problem in the dark cave levels at the end of the game. There is almost no grace issued by the game when you fall. There's a part where you have to climb down a vertical tunnel next to a catwalk, and let me tell you it was extremely maddening to pull off - even with save states. Don't even get me started on the level where you have to escape from the flaming warehouse. There are a ton of areas where you'll be walking on a catwalk and it just falls out from underneath you with no warning whatsoever. Boom. Dead. Come on, game! And I almost forgot the part where you have to climb on a T-Rex in the museum while saving a man who is being held at gunpoint. One bad move and you die. One bad shot and he dies. Back to the checkpoint you go. Another supremely frustrating moment in the game.

Now that this is all out of my system, let's focus on the positive. Despite its flaws, this is an addicting game. Once I figured out the nuances of its control system, everything started to click into place for me. I wanted to keep playing and see where the game would take me next. I had no interest in the game's storyline. I was all about the fun locations and the different strategies required to advance. I truly enjoyed the stealth levels the most. Like the snowy base section, where you are trying to get into the bunker. There's something super cool about sneaking around in the dark during a gentle snowfall, picking off enemies one by one. At the same time, the levels where you'd go in guns blazing were fun, also. My main beef with the game is its difficulty and unfairness level towards the end of the game.

All in all, I'd rate my experience with the gameplay as slightly above average. I was never enamored with the game, but I never hated it either. It had its parts where it was addicting and fun, and it had its parts where I wanted to pull my hair out. By the time I made it to the end of the game, I was beyond ready to be done with it.

Graphics:

This game has that classic jagged-edge polygonal look to it associated with PlayStation games from the 90s. A lot of people don't like this look, and consider it one of the more ugly eras of gaming. But I love it.

I can look right at this game and criticize its blockiness, sloppy textures, and uninspired enemy design, but I can also appreciate its look at the same time. There's just something about this era of gaming I find undeniably charming.

Where this game shines is in its locations. As I mentioned before, there are several real life locations from Washington DC that appear in the game. My favorite is the Washington Park level. I posted a screenshot of it above. It may not look like much, but the whole level is so incredibly atmospheric. It's dark, misty, and rainy. You're walking around with these green-tinted night vision goggles on. It's quiet. The sound of rainfall draws you in. It's hard not to completely lose yourself in the game. Whatever the tone was that the makers of Syphon Filter were going for, I feel this level is the truest embodiment of that tone.

The other levels look good, too. I particularly enjoyed shooting bad guys among the exhibits in the museum. Getting into a gun fight right next to the big space ships, aquariums and dioramas of the museum is truly a special feeling. Especially when you look at the detail put into the environment.

Sound:

Hard to get too excited about the game's sound. I don't remember any of the music and the voice acting is terrible. I suppose I'll give credit where it is due - the game does minimalism well. I'll use the Washington Park level as an example yet again. Put some headphones on when you play this level. It's dark. It's quiet. All you hear is the pitter patter of the rain and the blowing of the wind. It really makes you feel on edge, like you are a part of the game's world.

Aside from that, I don't really have anything else to say. The game sounds fine. Nothing more, nothing less. Fine.

Overall:

I really wish I liked this game more than I ended up liking it. At least I was able to get more out of it than I ever did as a kid. But like I said, this game is a very mixed bag. When the gameplay is clicking, it is fun to play. I enjoyed seeing what new locations or fun missions I'd experience next. But so much of the game is bogged down by vague mission objectives and extreme difficulty spikes. Some of the crap they throw at you towards the end of the game is just downright unfair, and it nearly ruined the whole thing for me.

If I had to sum up the game in the simplest of terms, I would say it is "slightly above average." I didn't like the game well enough to give it a score in the B range. It isn't bad enough for a D. It just kind of hovers around the average or slightly above average range for me. I suppose I'll be generous with the game. I like its look. I had fun with it (most of the time). There's just something undeniably charming about the game that I can't deny. It didn't get critical acclaim and spawn a bunch of sequels for nothing. But at the same time, the game pissed me off and frustrated me like no other. And that is even with save states and a rewind feature. I can't fathom playing this game to completion back in 1999. I would have gone absolutely insane. 

So I suppose a C+ is more than fair. In fact, Syphon Filter should take it and run before I change my mind.

THE GRADE:

C+

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