Monday, September 28, 2026

VHS Tape #33: American Idol 5 Tape 2



Here we go with my 33rd old VHS tape that I'm indexing. As you can probably tell by the title of the tape, it is simply a continuation of my last one, which had nothing on it but American Idol 5.


(00:00:00)

American Idol 5 - Day 2 of Hollywood auditions
 - Woman stresses out about being sick and sucks when she goes up to sing. The judges still put her through though.
 - People who suck make lame excuses
 - The other group on the Hollywood tour notices that Ryan Seacrest has a star on the walkway but Simon does not, and comment on it
 - Brittenum twins audition and make it through
 - Touring contestants visit the Kodak Theater
 - Brittenum twins get mad over the criticism directed their way
 - Gina Glocksen, David Radford, Ace Young, and Kevin Covais all sing the same song and make it through
 - Other set of black twins audition but they don't make it through
 - Touring contestants visit the Magic Castle
 - Young cowboy auditions and makes it through
 - Brittenum twins continue to bicker
 - Chris Daughtry sings The First Cut is the Deepest and makes it through
 - Mandisa moves on
 - Katharine McPhee sings I Know I'll Never Love This Way Again and advances
 - Crazy Dave sings but doesn't impress the judges this time around
 - Round One of the Hollywood rounds is recapped and the group songs are previewed
 - Groups practice their songs. Some fight and some get along fine
 - Paris Bennett's group sings and she makes it through
 - Elliott Yamin's group auditions and he makes it through - along with Sway and Terrell Brittenum

Price is Right clip where a man has a shirt that says "Push" on it. When Bob Barker pushes it, his shirt plays the Price is Right theme music. The guy wins his game too
 
AI5 (cont)
 - Kevin Covais, Will Makar, and David Radford are in the same group and all make it through
 - Derrell Brittenum's group sings and he makes it through. However, he quits, mistakenly thinking that his brother had been cut. His error is realized and he contemplates going back and apologizing.
 - Mandisa's group sings and she moves on
 - Montage of people messing up the words to Sugar Pie Honeybunch
 - All female group is awful and they all go home
 - Brittenum twins apologize and the judges say they will think about whether to let Derrell back
 - A different all female group makes it through
 - Brenna's group sings Sugar Pie Honey Bunch and they all make it through
 - Brokenote Mountain skit about the 3 cowboy dudes
 - Brittenum twins allowed to stay in the competition
 - Cowboys perform but suck and are all sent home
 - Contestants are separated into 4 rooms but only 1 room is cut

(1:02:33)

AI5. Top 24 is formed as contestants are sent up via elevator to learn their fate from the judged
 - Many contestants are told no
 - A nervous Katharine McPhee is the first person to get a yes
 - Ace Young makes it through
 - Some more nos
 - Bobby Bennett makes it through
 - Mandisa makes it through and Simon apologizes for the comment he made about her weight
 - Nervous contestants work out the jitters
 - Lisa Tucker, David Radford, Sway Penala, and Brenna Gethers make it through
 - Chick who doesn't like Brenna is denied
 - Gedeon McKinney, Stevie Scott, and Ayla Brown make it through
 - Chris Daughtry gets stuck in the elevator but when he gets to the top he makes it through
 - Becky O'Donohue makes it through
 - One yes and one no to 2 chicks who come up
 - Bucky Covington, Patrick Hall, Kevin Covais, and Paris Bennett make it through
 - Brittenum twins arrested for fraud and have to drop our of the competition
 - Kellie Pickler and Taylor Hicks make it through
 - Final 2 chicks come in together and only one makes it through. It is Kinnik Sky.
 - Final 2 boys come in together and only one makes it through. It is Will Makar

(1:44:37)

AI5. First live performance show. The top 12 girls go first
 - Introduction stuff. Blah blah blah.
 - Mandisa sings Never by Heart and is good
 - Kellie Pickler sings How Far. Meh.
 - Becky O'Donohue sings Because The Night. Meh.
 - Ayla Brown sings Reflections. Meh.
 - Paris Bennett sings Midnight Train To Georgia and is good
 - Stevie Scott sings To Where You Are. Boring.
 - Brenna Gethers sings You Are The Sunshine Of My Life and sucks
 - Heather Cox sings When You Tell Me That You Love Me. Meh.
 - Melissa McGhee sings When The Lights Go Down. Meh. What's with all the suckage?
 - Lisa Tucker sings some song I've never heard before. Meh again.
 - Kinnik Sky sings some song I've never heard before and is meh. Seriously... wtf?
 - Katharine McPhee sings Can't Get You Out of My Heart. Meh but she sang it good. This episode was awful.

AI5. The Top 12 guys performance show.
 - Patrick Hall sings Come To My Window and is mediocre. In the background there is a crazy looking lady with too much collagen in her lips during the judge's comments. Wow. I had to make her the thumbnail for this episode.
 - David Radford sings Crazy Little Thing Called Love. It's entertaining but not a great vocal.
 - Bucky Covington sing Simple Man and is all right
 - Will Makar sings I Want You Back. Not a great vocal performance but it was entertaining.
 - Sway Penala sings a song called Reasons entirely in falsetto and is meh
 - Chris Daughtry sings Dead or Alive and is good. Yay finally a performance I really liked.
 - Kevin Covais sings One Bright Night or something like that and is just okay
 - Gedeon McKinney sings Shout and is decent
 - Elliott Yamin sings If You Really Love Me and is decent
 - Bobby Bennett sings Copacabana and isn't great. It is entertaining though. Seacrest gets on Simon's case for not offering constructive criticism
 - Ace Young sings Father Figure and is pretty good
 - Taylor Hicks sings Levon and is just okay 

(3:46:45) 

AI5. First results show. 2 guys and 2 gals are sent home
 - Group performance of Take It Easy
 - Becky has the lowest number of votes among the girls and is the first one sent home
 - Bobby has the lowest number of votes among the guys and is the second one sent home this episode
 - Stevie and Patrick sent home

Recap of AI5 Top 10 girls performance show. Apparently it sucked so bad I didn't even record the whole episode. Just the recap. Good choice because the first girl's show was terrible.


AI5 Top 10 boys performance show
 - Taylor - Easy. The judges unfairly criticize him and the song choice. I think it was good.
 - Elliott - Moody's Mood For Love. Solid performance.
 - Ace - If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield. I liked it but Simon didn't.
 - Gedeon - A Change Is Gonna Come. It's decent. If I didn't like the song I probably would have been bored though.
 - Kevin - Heard It Through The Grapevine. Meh.
 - Sway - Overjoyed by Stevie Wonder. Dull and boring.
 - Will - Some dull boring ballad. Meh.
 - Bucky - Some countryish song that sounds like it's title might be Thunder Road. It's okay.
 - David - The Way You Look Tonight. I thought it was good, but the judges bash him.
 - Chris - Hemorrhage by Fuel. Great performance. He is clearly the best guy.

AI5 results show. 2 more guys and gals go home.
 - Group performance of Love The One You're With. Yikes, it is not good.
 - Carrie Underwood is interviewed and then she sings Jesus Take The Wheel
 - Seacrest recaps all of the girls performances and tells them who is in the bottom three
 - Brenna and Heather sent home
 - Seacrest recaps the guys performances and tells them who is in the bottom three
 - David and Sway sent home

(5:04:09)

AI5 Top 8 girls performance show
 - Paris - Conga. It's okay,
 - Lisa - Some boring ballad. Meh.
 - Melissa - What About Love. I thought this was good and her best performance.
 - Kinnik - She talks about chitlins and sings If I Ain't Got You. Meh.
 - Katharine - Think by Aretha Franklin. It's really good.
 - Ayla - Unwritten. I like it but the judges aren't too thrilled with it.
 - Mandisa - I'm Every Woman. Good job.
 - Kellie - I'm The Only One. I like it. Simon calls her a naughty little minx.

AI5 Top 8 boys performance show
 - Gedeon - When A Man Loves A Woman. Meh. He sings it well but doesn't do anything to change it up and it's boring.
 - Chris - Broken. Good but not great.
 - Kevin - Starry Starry Night. Boring.
 - Bucky - Some country song called Wave On Wave. Bleh.
 - Will - How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You. Meh.
 - Taylor - He is interviewed in a bunny suit and then sings Takin' It To The Streets and is excellent
 - Elliott - Baby You're All That I Want. It's a boring song but he sings it alright. It is just okay.
 - Ace - High pitched boy band sounding song. Meh.
 
(5:59:54)

AI5 results show. The last one where 2 girls and 2 guys go home
 - Bo Bice is interviewed and sings the Real Thing. How many times is this now he has sung this song on one of these tapes? Seems like a lot.
 - Kinnik sent home
 - Will sent home
 - Ayla sent home. Seacrest and the judges console her and she sings one last time.
 - Gedeon sent home
 - Musical recap of the Idol journeys of the 4 booted players

AI5 Top 12 performance show. Stevie Wonder themed week. Ugh.
 - Ace - Do I Do. Meh. The judges don't like it either.
 - Kellie - Blame It On The Sun. Awful. After the song she comments that her eyelashes feel like tarantulas.
 - Elliott - He cries when he meets Stevie Wonder and then sings Knocks Me Off My Feet. It's okay.
 - Mandisa - Don't You Worry About A Thing. It's okay.
 - Bucky - Superstition. It's definitely the best performance so far. Simon comments on Bucky's "Jessica Simpson" hairstyle.
 - Melissa - Lately. Meh. I cut out most of the song.
 - Lisa - Signed, Sealed, Delivered. It was good.
 - Kevin - Part Time Lover. I actually kinda like this. I think it's his best performance.
 - Katharine - Until You Come Back to Me. Meh.
 - Taylor - Livin' For The City. Good job.
 - Paris - All I Do. Meh,
 - Chris - Higher Ground. It is good.

AI5 results show
 - All I Want Ford music video
 - Ace, Melissa, and Lisa all revealed to be in the bottom 3
 - Melissa goes home

(7:19:58)

AI5 Top 11 performance show. 50's music is the theme. Barry Manilow mentors.
 - Mandisa - I Don't Want To Hurt Anymore. Good singing but a boring song.
 - Bucky - Oh Boy. It's just okay,
 - Paris - Fever. It's all right.
 - Chris - I Walk The Line. This is pretty good.
 - Katharine - Come Rain Or Shine. It's okay.
 - Taylor - Not Fade Away. It's all right. It is one of my least favorite of his performances.
 - Lisa - Why Do Fools Fall In Love. Meh, It's too fast or something.
 - Kevin - When I Fall In Love. Boring.
 - Elliott - Some boring song. It's okay.
 - Kellie - Walking After Midnight. Best performance of the night.
 - Ace - In The Still Of The Night. Meh. I'm starting to dislike Ace.

(8:09:04)

AI5 results show
 - We Got The Beat Ford music video



END OF TAPE


END OF TAPE






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Thursday, September 10, 2026

Video Game Review #631: Far Cry: New Dawn

                                     
Far Cry: New Dawn
PlayStation 4


Before Playing:

I first played through Far Cry V earlier in the year. Shortly after finishing the game, I heard about New Dawn - a direct continuation of the game's storyline. I wasn't sure if it was DLC, a whole new game, or what. But I decided to check it out.

I'd heard almost nothing about the game coming into it, so I had no idea what to expect from it. Is it bad? Good? Who knows! Let's get this review rolling and see if I liked it or not.




Story:

As I just mentioned, this is a direct continuation of Far Cry V. Since that game has multiple endings, it is important  to know that the "nuclear apocalypse" ending was the canon ending.

The country is starting to rebuild itself. People are coming out of bunkers. Civilization is in the middle of being restored. Action takes place in Hope County, site of Far Cry V. Rebuilding efforts are stunted by a malicious group known as the Highwaymen. The Highwaymen are led by two very memorable villains - a set of evil twins named Mickey and Lou.

The Highwaymen attack a train that is bringing in supplies to Prosperity, a small colony on the rise. They take captive a man named Rush. Rush is a very knowledgeable man who likes to travel around the country to help people rebuild. Of course, Mickey and Lou want him all for themselves.

It's your job to take down these Highwaymen and rescue Rush. To do so, you need to join the people of Prosperity and help them build their community and their fighting forces. You also need to enlist the help of the people of New Eden, the remnants of the cult from Far Cry V. And wouldn't you know it, their leader Joseph Seed survived the ending of the last game.

I don't really play Far Cry games for their stories. They are almost always the same thing - recovering a group of land from an evil, oppressive force. That's pretty much the same thing here. There may be a few character-related twists and turns along the way, but nothing too serious.




Gameplay:

This game is fairly easy to pick up and play. Normally, I find that Far Cry games have a small learning curve, but this one I was able to jump right into. Maybe it's because I'd just played Far Cry V earlier in the year. Or maybe these games are all the same and there isn't anything for me to figure out anymore. Could be either or.

That probably sounds like I'm being negative about the game, but I'm really not. Sometimes more of the same thing can be a good thing. And that's the case here. I enjoyed this game. It's nothing new, it's nothing revolutionary, but I enjoyed it.

If you've played Far Cry before, you should have no problem with this game. It's a first person shooter. There's a big map full of collectibles. You can walk or drive around and open up new locations on the map. You complete story missions, such as "go here and kill all these people" or "go here and rescue this person." You attack enemy bases and kill all the bad guys to reclaim the land. They see you, they sound the alarm, more bad guys come. You hunt, you fish, you scavenge plants. You can sell these things to buy new weapons or items. You gain experience points. You use them to level up your characters in different areas (combat, foraging, etc.). You have a weapon wheel. There are stealth elements. Stop me if any of this sounds familiar.

There are a few things that make New Dawn unique. I like how you take part in the active rebuilding of Prosperity. You use the ethanol you collect on missions to upgrade different "stations" within the town. For example, if you upgrade the cartography section, you unlock new maps to purchase. Upgrade the workbench, and you can craft stronger weapons. Upgrade the first aid station to improve your health, etc. 

As ethanol can be pretty rare, the game gives you the option to let the Highwaymen reclaim bases that you've already taken over. You can then come back and reclaim them again, albeit at a higher difficulty, for more ethanol. 

The game also allows you to go on raiding missions that take place in locations outside of the game map, to bring home supplies or other needed items. While things are open world for the most part, these very much feel like "levels" to complete. Not that I think that's a bad thing.

My main companion was the dog for most of the game, as he can sniff out enemies and hidden items, and mark them for you. I don't know how people get by without the dog. I'm naturally bad at looking for things, so I can't imagine finding the secrets without him. He sure makes combat a lot easier too, as he marks the enemies in red for you. I don't know what it is about this game, but I had an exceptionally hard time seeing enemies for some reason. Sometimes I'd walk up to an enemy base, knowing there's probably at least ten people in there, but then I couldn't find a single damn one of them looking around visually with my eyes. That's why the dog comes in so much handy. Other times, I'd be in the middle of a fight with an enemy, getting hit by their bullets, and I still couldn't see them, even though their red icon was RIGHT in front of me on the map. Am I the only one who struggled with this?




Graphics:

The game looks great, as expected from a far Cry title. Good characters. Good locales. The rivers, roads, and countrysides are breathtaking, especially when viewed from up high. Maybe it is the nuclear effect on things, but the whole game was extra bright and shiny.

I found some of the landscape decisions to be a little weird, though. I get that the nuclear explosion created some mutated plants and animals. But the pink aesthetic is a little odd. I realize that much of that is graffiti from the Highwaymen, but I thought it clashed with how great everything else looked. As good as the game looked overall, there were other parts of the game where I found myself going "hmm" at some of the creative decisions.




Sound:

I have nothing to complain about here. Voice acting is good. The score is good. The atmospheric effects are good. The guns sound like guns and the explosions sound like explosions. 

The licensed music is what I'll remember the most. I always look forward to seeing what songs are going to be in each Far Cry game. This one definitely has some bangers, highlighted by Daydream Believer, That's the Way I Like It, Tequila, and Duke of Earl. Oldies, but goodies.



Overall:

The Far Cry formula hasn't stopped working for me yet. I suppose it's only a matter of time before I start to "judge" these games for all being the same, kind of like I do with the Lego games. But that time isn't here yet. I thoroughly had a good time with this game. I won't say I was jumping up and down out of my seat over it, but I liked it. It passes the time well. You can sit down with the intention of only playing a mission or two, and then get sucked into playing it for the entire night. It's that kind of game.

It's not a revolutionary title. It doesn't reinvent the wheel. You've probably seen and played dozes of games like this in your life. But dang it, I liked it. Maybe I'm easy to impress. Maybe I was just in the mood for a good "turn your brain off" game like this. Whatever it is, I'll remember my time with this game fondly. I can't see myself playing through this game again (as it would probably mean I'm replaying the entire Far Cry series again), but that's alright. 

THE GRADE:
B


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Monday, September 7, 2026

Video Game Review #630: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
PlayStation 4


Before playing:

A few years ago, I played through Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon. I really enjoyed the game. It was a fantastic throwback to the 8-bit side-scrolling Castlevania games of yesterday. You could put that game right next to the NES trilogy, and it would easily hold up to them. I loved it and I played through it multiple times trying to get all the endings.

Despite having a great time with the game, I never bothered to check out the other Bloodstained titles. I'm not sure why. Just slipped my mind, I guess. But these games were brought to my attention once again when I was listening to an episode of Retrovaniacs recently. One of the hosts, I think it was Billie, said they'd been hooked on Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night. They discussed how this game was an awesome throwback to Symphony of the Night, and showered the game with praise. It made me think: "oh yeah, Bloodstained. I liked that Curse of the Moon game. Maybe I should check this one out, too."

I looked for the game on GameFly, which I had just renewed. Sure enough, there it was. I put it on my queue and before you know it, it was in my mailbox along with the last game I reviewed - Martha is Dead. How would Bloodstained hold up to such a revered classic like Symphony of the Night? Let's find out.




Story:

Be prepared. This game unapologetically tosses you right into the action. You're going to have a lot of names and a lot of lore just thrown right in your face immediately. At first, I really struggled to understand what was going on. Who is who, who is related to who, how these characters know each other, what tf it is that they are doing here. Once I decided to stop caring is when I began to truly enjoy the game. You just kind of learn as you go.

I should have written this review while things were still fresh in my head. I waited a month to get going on this, just because I've been super busy in life. Most of the fine details have slipped from my mind. The basic gist is that you're Miriam, a good vampire, and you've been sent into an evil castle to destroy both the castle and the evil vampire who summoned it into being. The bad vampire in question is named Gebel, and he used to be good. Why he is doing this and what turned him bad is part of the mystery.

To get to the castle, you must travel on a massive ship at sea. The ship crashes ashore, and now you must battle your way through a small village on the outstkirts of the castle. You meet some new characters who help you. You establish a hub or a home base in the village. You then enter the castle.

If you've played Symphony of the Night, nothing you see here should surprise you too much. This game borrows heavily from its story - mainly with the multiple endings. You can just kill Gebel, which triggers the bad ending and puts you back to your last save point. You can come back and free Gebel from the evil influence that's controlling him and manipulating everything behind the scenes. That opens up a few more endings, etc.

Honestly, I could give or take the game's story. It served its purpose, but it is absolutely nothing that I'm going to remember five years from now. Heck, I barely beat the game a month ago and most of it has already slipped my mind.




Gameplay:

The gameplay is the star of the show. The game handles like a dream. If you've ever played a 2D Castlevania before, this game trumps them all. You move smoothly, you can change your jump direction in mid-air, the knockback isn't as atrocious, etc. The weapons and powers you use can be mapped to different buttons on the controller. It is very easy (once you get the hang of things) to quickly pause the game and make adjustments. It does start to get annoying when you are constantly needing to change back and forth between powers, but I suppose that's more of a minor gripe. It doesn't really come into play that much until the final third of the game.

If imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, then Symphony of the Night must be red from head to toe. This game is essentially Symphony of the Night. It looks like it, it sounds like it, the gameplay is inspired by it. I don't know how this is even legal, but I'm glad it is. I'd say this is a "blatant ripoff" but that shines a negative light on the game. But then again, saying it "pays homage" to Symphony of the Night is a colossal understatement. This game lies in the happy medium somewhere between those two sentiments.

I didn't grow up with Symphony of the Night, so I don't have the same reverence for it that many do. In fact, I didn't even play the game until 2024, only 102 reviews ago. I really liked the game. I gave it an A-. As much as I don't want Castlevania fans to storm my house with pitchforks, I have to say that I liked this game just a little bit better than SoTN. It takes everything its predecessor did, and improves upon it a little bit. Everything seems just a little bit smoother and more polished here. Maybe if I carried sentimental or nostalgic feelings for Symphony of the Night, I'd be singing a different tune. But I think my detached viewpoint allows me to be more honest. Everything Symphony does, this game does just a liiiiittle bit better.

One thing I didn't like was the backtracking. I know that is to be expected from these types of games, but it felt excessive in this game. It also doesn't do a very good job at guiding you where to go next. I had to look on the internet for help many, many times. Sometimes, I even knew what I was supposed to do, but still couldn't figure it out. Like when I defeated the blood sucking boss lady, and earned the blood draining power. Obviously I needed to go to the big blood pool I encountered earlier in the game. But when I got there, nothing happened. Turns out, I needed to open my menu and sift through the dozens and dozens of text-heavy things in there to find the specific item I needed to drain the blood.

I do like how there is a hub you can return to when you are in trouble. You can rest up, restore your health and magic, and buy/trade with the vendors there. This game has a unique crafting system, and also NPCs that assign quests or tasks to you while you're exploring the castle. I don't know if SoTN did that or not (I don't remember much from my 2024 playthrough, so correct me if I'm wrong). If it didn't, then that is at least one thing that makes this game unique.

This game also doesn't do a switcharoo with an upside down castle, which I was grateful for. The base castle is big enough as it is. I didn't want to have to explore more. Instead, it gives you an option to flip gravity so you can reach out-of-place areas located above you. That's kind of cool.




Graphics:

This game looks really good, even though the tone is confusing sometimes. Is this supposed to be a serious vampire hunting game, or is it supposed to be some kind of silly anime-style thing with sexy, scantily clad main characters? It's all over the place. Even the design of the castle is all over the place. How do you go from standard Castlevania-style castles and corridors to ninja-filled Japanese gardens, and some of the more fantastical areas they put in the game?

Don't expect to be blown away by the visuals. This game looks like it could have been made on the PS2 or the PS3. Not that this is a bad thing, since it is sort of what they're going for. It has a lot of really cool bosses. And some of the visual effects (like the moon below) are outstanding.




Sound:

If it's possible to do a "double take" when it comes to music, I did it here. It sounds sooooo much like Symphony of the Night. It's almost a straight rip sometimes. It's good music, so I'm not complaining. But I'm wondering what fans of the original think about it?

One thing I've been waiting to talk about is the voice acting. I was "out" on the story pretty early, but I have to say that one of its highlights is when you meet a character named Zangetsu. I recognized his voice immediately. Solid Snake himself, David Hayter! It's amazing what having a voice actor of his quality does for a game. I immediately sat up and started paying attention. It's solid freaking Snake in a Castlevania game. His appearance is one of the game's biggest highlights to me.




Overall:

I gave the somewhat sacrilegious opinion earlier that I thought this game was better than Symphony of the Night. While I stand by that opinion, I don't think it is much better. SoTN got an A- when I reviewed it. And this game will get the same. It just doesn't quite reach A territory for me.

If you're a fan of Symphony of the Night, I think you'll like this game. It will probably scratch that itch of playing a similar game. It's not a sequel or a remake, but it is in the same vein. Or you'll be the complete opposite and say that this game is a travesty and should have never been made - and that it is nothing but a cheap imitation. I really haven't read reviews for this game aside from the one I'm writing right now. I wonder what side of the aisle most people fall on?

If you haven't played Symphony of the Night, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't like this game, unless you're just one of those no-fun people that immediately hate games that look or feel "old." If that's the case, you should stay away from this. And go fuck yourself while you're at it.

So yeah! Good game. Almost a great game. I really enjoyed Curse of the Moon as well. I can't wait to check out what else the Bloodstained series has to offer.


THE GRADE:
A-


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Sunday, September 6, 2026

Notable movies I have never seen




10 Things I Hate About You
28 Years Later
28 Years Later: The Bone Temple
8 Mile
A Fistful of Dollars
A Time to Kill
Ad Astra
Airplane!
Ali
American Graffiti
Any Conjuring movie past the first one
Any Expendables movie
Any Fast and the Furious movie
Any Given Sunday
Any I Know What You Did Last Summer movies aside from the first one
Any John Wick movies after the first one
Any Lethal Weapon movie
Any Matrix after the first one
Any Mission Impossible movie
Any Nightmare on Elm Street movies aside from the remake and the original first two
Any Oceans Eleven movie
Any original Planet of the Apes movie
Any Phantasm movie past the first one
Any Resident Evil movie past the first two
Any Starship Troopers movies past the first two
Any Super Troopers movie
Any TMNT movies aside from the original trilogy
Any Transformers movie past the second one
Any Twilight movies past the first one
Any Venom movie
Assassin's Creed
Assassins
Avatar: Fire and Ash
Babe
Basic Instinct
Being John Malkovich
Ben-Hur
Big
Black Hawk Down
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
Boys Don't Cry
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Bridge Over the River Kwai
Bull Durham
Captain America: Brave New World
Captain Phillips
Carlito's Way
Casablanca
Casino
Chasin Amy
Chinatown
Citizen Kane
City of God
Clueless
Cool Hand Luke
Crimson Tide
Dark City
Days of Thunder
Dead Man Walking
Dead Poets Society
Delicatessen
Do The Right Thing
Donny Brasco
Dr. Strangelove
Dude, Where's My Car?
Ed Wood
Election
Erin Brockovich
Evil Dead Burn
Eyes Wide Shut
Fallen
Fatal Attraction
Flight of the Navigator
Frida
Friday
Full Metal Jacket
Gandhi
Get Shorty
Gladiator II
Gone With the Wind
Good Will Hunting
Harry and the Hendersons
He Got Game
Heathers
Hellboy (2019)
Highlander
Home Sweet Home Alone
Hoop Dreams
Hoosiers
Hotel Rwanda
Howl's Moving Castle
Inland Empire
Inside Llewyn Davis
Inside Out 2
It's Pat
J. Edgar
Jerry Maguire
JFK
Joker: Folie à Deux
LA Confidential
La La Land
Lawrence of Arabia
Malcolm X
Marty Supreme
Megan
Moana 2
Morbius
Moulin Rouge!
Mystic Pizza
National Lampoons Vacation
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Office Space
Oppenheimer
Philadelphia
Possession
Pretty in Pink
Pretty Woman
Princess Mononoke
Purple Rain
Quiz Show
Raging Bull
Rain Man
Raising Arizona
Rampage
Rattatouille
Ravenous
Remember the Titans
Revenge of the Nerds
Risky Business
Scanners
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings
Sixteen Candles
Skyscraper
Sleepaway Camp
Sleepless in Seattle
Sling Blade
Solaris
Sonic the Hedgehog 3
Sorcerer
Straight Outta Compton
Straw Dogs
Sunset Boulevard
Superstar
Taxi Driver
Tenet
The Apartment
The Beekeeper
The Birdcage
The Blues Brothers
The Eternals
The Fantastic Four: First Steps
The Firm
The General's Daughter
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Hunt for Red October
The Killing Fields
The Last Emperor
The Last Samurai
The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim
The Man in the Iron Mask
The Manchurian Candidate
The Marvels
The Naked Gun (2025)
The Pagemaster
The Pelican Brief
The Pink Panther
The Ten Commandments
The two recent Mummy movies
The Wolfman
This is Spinal Tap
Tootsie
Top Gun
Top Gun: Maverick
Trainspotting
True Grit (original)
Twisters
Vertigo
We Need to Talk About Kevin
What Women Want
When Harry Met Sally
While You Were Sleeping
White Chicks
Wicked
Witness
Wonka
Wyatt Earp
X-Men: Dark Phoenix
You've Got Mail
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Monday, August 31, 2026

2026 Things: August





8.1: Watched 3 episodes of The Traitors Canada (1.06, 1.07, 1.08). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (The Worst Year in Gaming History). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (5.07). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Voyager (1.12). 

8.2: Listened to 2 episodes of Stephen Kingcast (eps 111, 112). Watched 2 episodes of Only Murders in the Building (5.09, 5.10). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.05). 

8.3: Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.41). Listened to 1 episode of Stephen Kingcast (113). Watched movie: Masters of the Universe (2026).

8.4: Watched 1 episode of The Traitors Canada (1.09). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 280). Listened to 1 episode of Stephen Kingcast (180). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 154). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.13). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.06). 

8.5: Finished video game: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night. Watched 1 episode of The Traitors Canada (1.10). Watched 3 episodes of The Idaho Murders: College Nightmare (1.01, 1.02, 1.03).

8.6: Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.14). Watched 1 episode of Beast Games (2.01). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Holstin Impressions: Tunnel Demo). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.47). Watched 1 episode of Starting 5 (2.01). Watched movie: The Lodge. Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (11 Miles). 

8.7: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (42.01). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (5.08). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.15). Watched 1 episode of Beast Games (2.02). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.07). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming (IO's 007 First Light). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 281). Watched 2 episodes of Mortal Kombat Legacy (1.01, 1.02). 

8.8: Watched 2 episodes of Beast Games (2.03, 2.04). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 100). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.16). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (42.02). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.08). Watched 3 episodes of Mortal Kombat Legacy (1.03, 1.04, 1.05). 

8.9: Watched 1 episode of Starting 5 (2.02). Listened to 1 episode of Quick Save Club (ep 4). Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (ep 206). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.42). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (At the Movies: The Odyssey 2026). Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 84). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Ben Vincent on Creating the Ultimate King Companion). Watched 2 episodes of Hannibal (3.09, 3.10). 

8.10: Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.11). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 327). Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro (Live Show 7.9.21). Watched 1 episode of Mortal Kombat Legacy (1.06). Watched movie: Kalifornia.

8.11: Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (ep 72). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.17). Watched 2 episodes of Beast Games (2.05, 2.06). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.12). Watched 3 episodes of Mortal Kombat Legacy (1.07, 1.08, 1.09). 

8.12: Watched 2 episodes of Mortal Kombat Legacy (2.01, 2.02). Watched 2 episodes of Beast Games (2.07, 2.08). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (Micro 80). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.13). Watched movie: Obsession.

8.13: Watched 2 episodes of Beast Games (2.09, 2.10). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.44). Watched 1 episode of Mortal Kombat Legacy (2.03). Watched 1 episode of Unique Spaces (Inside an Architect's Underground Home in Mexico City). Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (207). 

8.14: Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.18). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (5.09). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (Movie Recommendations Pt 3). Watched 3 episodes of Mortal Kombat Legacy (2.04, 2.05, 2.06). Watched 1 episode of Starting 5 (2.03). Watched 1 episode of Unique Spaces (Inside George Nakashima's Japanese-Style Home & Worskhop). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Voyager (1.13). 

8.15: Watched 4 episodes of Mortal Kombat Legacy (2.07-2.10). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.19). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (QSC Episode 17). Watched 1 episode of Batman: Caped Crusader (2.01). Watched movie: Star Wars: A New Hope. Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (5.10). 

8.16: Watched 1 episode of Mare of Easttown (1.01). Watched 1 episode of Starting 5 (2.04). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (8.3.26 ep). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 135). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 101). Listened to 1 episode of Stephen Kingcast (ep 183). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.46).  

8.17: Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (5.11). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 282). Listened to 1 episode of Quick Save Club (ep 5). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Happy 75 King Birthday Mailbag). Watched 1 episode of Mare of Easttown (1.02). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 328). Listened to 1 episode of Stephen Kingcast (ep 138).  Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Slenderman). Watched 2 episodes of Unique Spaces (Inside an Architect's Retro Treetop Home, Inside a Floating House Hidden in the Woods). Watched 3 episodes of Where the Chefs Eat (Paris, New Orleans, Indian Dining in London). Watched 1 episode of Small Spaces (Maximizing a Tiny Paris Flat). Watched 1 episode of Walking Tour (Historical Walking Tour of New Orleans). 

8.18: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (42.03). Watched 1 episode of Starting 5 (2.05). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.48). Watched movie: Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

8.19: Watched 1 episode of Mare of Easttown (1.03). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 91). Listened to 1 episode of The Quick Save Club (ep 6). 

8.20: Watched 1 episode of Starting 5 (2.06). Watched 1 episode of Mare of Easttown (1.04). Watched 1 episode of Sopranos (5.12). Watched 1 episode of Batman: Caped Crusader (2.02). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Fears to Fathom: Home Alone). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (Redux: Takashi Miike's Audition).

8.21: Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Serving Up the First Stephen King Cookbook). Watched 1 episode of Batman: Caped Crusader (2.03). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.20). Watched 2 episodes of Mare of Easttown (1.05, 1.06). Watched 1 episode of Sopranos (5.13). 

8.22: Watched 1 episode of Mare of Easttown (1.07). Watched 2 movies: Supergirl, Spider-Man: Brand New Day. Watched 1 episode of Conversations with a Killer: The Manson Tapes (1.01). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (37.01).

8.23: Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 85). Watched 1 episode of Conversations with a Killer: The Manson Tapes (1.02). 

8.24: Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 283). Watched movie: Mortal Kombat. Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 102). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (The Devil's Game). 

8.25: Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 138). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (8.20.26 ep). Listened to 1 episode of The Stephen Kingcast (ep 140). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Voyager (1.14). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.51). Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro (Live Show: 7.16.21). Listened to 2 episodes of Creepy pod (Day 32, Satellite Images). Finished video game: Far Cry: New Dawn. Watched 1 episode of Batman: Caped Crusader (2.04).

8.26: Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania). Watched 1 episode of Conversations with a Killer: The Manson Tapes (1.03). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Are There Any Enjoyable Horror Games?). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.21). Watched 1 episode of Batman: Caped Crusader (2.05).

8.27: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (42.04). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.22).Watched movie: Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. Watched 1 episode of Sopranos (6.01). 

8.28: Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Mr. Harrigan's Phone Review). Watched 3 episodes of Big Brother (28.23, 28.24, 28.25). Listened to 1 episode of The Quick Save Club (ep 7). Watched 1 episode of Batman: Caped Crusader (2.06).

8.29: Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Five Nights at Freddy's: The Movie). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (42.05). Watched 2 episodes of Survivor (37.02, 37.03). Watched 1 episode of Starting 5 (2.07). Watched movie: Tusk. Finished video game: Sonic 2 and Knuckles.

8.30: Watched 1 episode of Starting 5 (2.08). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Voyager (1.15). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 284). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (ep 75). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.54). Watched 1 episode of 11.22.63 (1.01).

8.31: Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (Weekend Warriors - Phantasy Star). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 137). Watched 1 episode of 11.22.63 (1.02). Watched 1 episode of Unique Spaces (Inside a Nordic Sauna That Looks Like a Rock). Watched 1 episode of Batman: Caped Crusader (2.07).



Most consumed media (minimum of 6)


19 episodes of Mortal Kombat Legacy watched
13 episodes of Big Brother watched
11 movies watched
10 episodes of Beast Games watched
9 episodes of Hannibal watched
8 episodes of The Sopranos watched
8 episodes of The FF Dynasty played
8 episodes of Starting 5 watched
7 episodes of Mare of Easttown watched
7 episodes of Batman: Caped Crusader watched
7 episodes of Stephen Kingcast played
6 episodes of Collateral Cinema played



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Tuesday, August 25, 2026

Video Game Review #629: Martha is Dead

Martha is Dead
PlayStation 4


Before Playing:

This is a very random choice for me to make. Prior to picking it up, I knew nothing about the game. Didn't know what it was about, or if it was good or bad. In fact, I hadn't even heard of the game before. It was a game that I randomly tossed onto my GameFly list because the preview on their website "looked cool." I didn't expect to actually get the game, because it was on the bottom of my queue. But in true GameFly fashion, they sent it to me anyway.

I came into this game with an empty slate and an open mind. I quickly discovered that it is a walking simulator, somewhat similar to Gone Home, which I had played through last month. I really liked Gone Home, so my hopes for this were relatively high. How would I end up liking the game? Let's find out.




Story:

This game certainly has one of the more unique settings I've experienced in a video game. It takes place on a vineyard in Tuscany, Italy, back in 1944. This is German occupied land. A family lives on this vineyard and is caught between two sides in the war. You play as Giulia. You have an identical twin named Martha. You have a tenuous relationship with your parents. The mother is crazy and the dad is working with the Germans. 

One night, Martha is mysteriously killed. Since Giulia knows that the parents favor Martha over her, she pretends to be Martha, leading the parents to believe Giulia is dead. No one knows why "Giulia" was killed or who did it. Was it her sister? The parents? To add to the mystery, there is murderous ghost woman living in the woods. German and Italian troops pass through the area frequently also.

The story of the game revolves around Giulia acting as Martha, trying to solve the mystery. I won't recap every little thing, as I like to leave things to the reader's imagination when I write these reviews. But this is a very trippy story. You are led down so many paths. You never know what is real and what is not because the narrator is clearly suffering from some kind of mental illness and is very unreliable. Is the ghost on the lake even real? What's with the weird puppet shows? Is any of this real or all in my character's mind? Is the mom crazy, or am I?

I can't tell if the game is leaving things open to interpretation, or if I am just stupid. I admit: I am someone who likes a game's storyline to be laid out right in front of me in black and white. I don't like things to be left open to interpretation. I'm not a huge David Lynch guy, but this game at times gives some Lynch vibes. Is that what it is going for?  

The game is very gruesome, also. I can't really describe what happens in detail because this blog platform likes to crack down on even the slightest mention of violence. But let me just say, I didn't expect to see such extreme body horror in this game as I did. It gives you the option to skip these scenes, but why the heck would I do that? I like that kind of thing.

As this is a walking simulator, there isn't much special about the actual gameplay. Your enjoyment of the game will fully depend on if you like the story or not. If this sounds interesting, you might like this game. If not, you can probably skip this game because its story is definitely the best thing about it.




Gameplay:

Like I said, this is a walking simulator. Don't expect to be too blown away by the gameplay. You walk around, you read things, you look at things. This isn't like Gone Home where you can pick up pretty much everything in the environment. Your interactions are limited to things that only make a difference in the storyline. Otherwise, you can just look at things and read their descriptions. This game is very light on actual gameplay.

One of the few actual gameplay mechanics is in the photography. Taking pictures and developing them is a big part of the story. Sorry to say, there isn't much to it. You can collect different lenses and mounting equipment for your camera, which makes it customizable. But the game pretty much holds your hand when you need to take a photo or develop them in the dark room. It is very easy to do.

The map for the game is relatively big. It covers the family's property and the surrounding areas. Most of it is wooded, but there is a lake and a stream that run through nearby. Other areas include a nearby cemetery, an abandoned German tunnel system, and some empty houses and fields that have been left behind. Aside from your family and the occasional German troop that comes through, the game does a very good job at making it feel like you're isolated and all alone out on this Italian villa. You can ride a bike around to get to your destination quicker, but is is clunky as hell to handle. Very awkward and janky. Almost makes it not worth using most of the time.

I suppose I have to mention the Morse Code segments of the game. I imagine this is probably the thing that people hated about the game the most. You have to send messages using Morse Code. Make one mistake, and you have to send the whole message again. What makes it tough is that the game never really explains how it works. So they just assume you know how to send messages using Morse Code? I saw the numbers and the symbols on the key you are supposed to use to decode the messages, but none of it made any sense. You can't use the key if it is never explained how it works. Once I looked online and figured out the method you use to send the code, it suddenly made sense and I was able to get through the Morse Code section pretty easily. But it was a bit tedious, and I can see a bunch of people saying F this and checking out at this part of the game.

That's all there really is to the game. Walk around, interact with things in the environment, like reading newspapers and making phone calls. Do the occasional task like taking a photo or sending a Morse Code message. The game's story propels you along. Expect to walk through the woods a lot. Expect to take some pictures. Expect to do a lot of reading and watching cutscenes, also. I've said many times: it's a walking simulator. Whether or not you like the game will mainly depend on if you will like the story ot not.





Graphics:

This game looks great. I don't even know what there is to criticize. Like I mentioned earlier, the setting is very unique, taking place on an Italian villa in 1944, near the end of WWII. The beauty of the villa comes to life when you walk outside and take in the spectacular view. At night, it becomes creepy and ominous, especially when you wander into the nearby woods. The feel of the game is very fairy tale-like, almost (but not quite) in a Pan's Labyrinth sort of way. 

The interior of the house looks very realistic. If anything, it was intriguing to see the way these characters lived. It is very much a period piece. 

But like I said, there isn't much to criticize here. Everything looks normal and "real" in a sense. It's a very PS4 game. Maybe in 20 years when someone reads this, they'll say "wow, the PS4 era's graphics sucked! How could you say this looks good??" But I'm totally content with what I'm seeing.




Sound:

The game has very good sound, as well. Voice acting is very good, although you'll be reading the subtitles because it is in Italian. What makes the audio stand out is the creepy atmosphere it helps create. There was one area, I believe it was the first time you go out into the woods, when I stopped to take a picture of something. The audio was pumping through my ear buds. It was quiet and peaceful, with the wind blowing and the crickets chirping. But then all of a sudden there is this guttural animal sound, almost like a bear or a large pig. It freaked me the hell out. The little hairs on my arms stood up. I started to panic because I was in the middle of taking a picture, which you do through a menu. I legit thought something was there and was going to get me.

But there wasn't.

That one single scary moment is what I'll remember the most about this game. Turns out, the monster noise is nothing to worry about. You'll randomly hear it from time to time, but you'll never encounter a monster.




Overall:

I appreciate that this is such a unique experience. The setting, the story, everything. Well, not the gameplay. We've been there and done that with walking simulators over the years. But that's not what matters. It is the ambience, the story, and the general feel of the game. It's memorable. I may not have particularly liked this game, but I'll always remember it. That's a lot more than be said about most mediocre games.

Look, I wasn't thrilled with the gameplay. The story was a bit of a confusing mess. I do appreciate what this game was trying to do, but aside from a few shining moments, this game just wasn't for me. I'm not going to bash it and say it is a bad game, but it wasn't personally very rewarding, and I don't feel like I am ever going to put myself through playing this game again. It can be slow and very tedious at times. If the premise of the game and its gore and it's Lynchian mystery sound interesting - by all means. Check this out. But if not, you really aren't missing anything here.



THE GRADE:  
C-


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Sunday, August 9, 2026

Video Game Review #628: The Legend of Zelda

The Legend of Zelda
Nintendo Entertainment System


Nostalgia Factor:

Since the moment I started this blog 11 years ago, the original Legend of Zelda is a game I've been looking forward to playing and reviewing. Growing up in the 80s, this game was a part of my childhood gaming experience... but not a big part of it. I never actually owned the game. I first became aware of it when I was at my grandparents' house. The gold cartridge immediately caught my eye. It set the game apart from every other NES game out there, and gave it a certain magical feeling that is hard to explain.

My uncle John liked to play this game, and I would watch with wide eyes. I picked the game up a few times myself, but I could never really figure out what I was supposed to be doing. This game was released when I was five years old. I don't know what age I was when I first played it. But I was young, like really young. So it makes sense that it didn't quite click with me.

Later on in life, when I was 7 or 8, I ended up borrowing this game from a friend. I did better this time around. I think I made it through three dungeons. But then I would get hopelessly lost. I'd wander the game map for hours, hoping to stumble into something through blind luck. I was too dumb to figure out the secret forest thing. I am pretty sure I didn't know which way was north and which was south. I ended up returning the game to my friend a few days later. My initial reaction was: meh. In retrospect, that's a wild reaction considering how monumental and groundbreaking this game was to the video game industry. 

I guess it didn't help that I did not have a map or an instruction booklet on either occasion I had played it. These were included with this game, but for some reason (likely because I didn't own the game) they never made their way to me. So I really was fumbling around blindly. It's no wonder I kept getting lost. It's a shame, because I really wanted to like Zelda. I liked the cereal. I liked the cartoon. I liked the gold cartridge. I could tell that this game was a big deal. But I just didn't think it was that fun.

Let's fast forward a great many years. I would never touch another Zelda game until Ocarina of Time came out in 1996. This is one of the few games I waited in line for at the store when it first came out. I had missed out on Zelda II and A Link to the Past, but as an avid video game magazine reader, I was super hyped for Ocarina of Time. All the previews of the game made it out to be an absolute game changer. I was already a fan of Mario 64, and I had some somewhat fond memories of the original Zelda game. Even though I wasn't a huge fan of it, I was stoked to see how it would translate to a fully 3D environment. This was an exciting time for gamers back then.

Ocarina of Time made me fall in love with the Zelda series. Over time, I've become a massive fan of all the 3D titles. Yet, for some reason, I've never enjoyed anything before Ocarina. I was "meh" on the original NES game. I never played Zelda II or the Game Boy title. I've come back and played A Link to the Past as an adult - but that game never really resonated with me either. In fact, I gave it a C+ when I reviewed it, which is probably the lowest that this game has ever been rated with anyone. Thank god people don't read this blog, or they'd be lining up with torches and pitchforks.

Despite all this, I was genuinely excited to be returning to the OG Legend of Zelda for my blog. Like I said, I've been wanting to use this blog as an excuse to play through this game again for a long time now. Let's slay some childhood demons and finish this game off once and for all.




Story:

It was probably a big deal to have a video game with such an "advanced" story back when this came out, but by modern standards, the story is not much to get excited about. Again, I played this without the manual. Maybe more is explained within its pages. But basically, the game drops you off in the middle of nowhere with nothing more than a title screen that says Ganon has captured Princess Zelda, and she has broken apart her piece of the Triforce into 8 shards that you must collect. 

Once these are all gathered, you head to Ganon's hideout. You defeat him. You save the Princess. The end. Again, nothing too exciting. But I'm sure back in the day this was probably super cool. I can imagine if I'd only been just a little older when this came out, and if I had gotten my own copy of the game (manual, map, and all) I would have fallen completely under its spell. 




Gameplay:

Action takes place from an isometric perspective. You start with no weapons, but never fear - all you have to do is walk into the nearby cave and you're immediately given a sword. When your health is full, the sword fires a magical projectile attack across the screen. As a kid, I always thought this was just the coolest thing ever. Every time I incurred damage, I would take it personally. I'd end up battling the same respawning enemies in the same area in an attempt to fill my life bar back up again instead of just moving on. This was probably a bad idea, because it always led me down a rabbit hole of taking more damage than I would have taken otherwise, and then being forced to battle nonstop hordes of enemies to get back to where I was to begin with. Sometimes it even resulted in death, just because I got hit once.

The main goal of the game is to find the 8 missing Triforce pieces. Each piece is hidden in a dungeon. These dungeons become increasingly hard to find the deeper you make it into the game. Like I said before - as a kid, I could only beat three dungeons before getting completely stuck. Somehow, on my most recent attempt, I managed to do even worse. I found the third dungeon first. It took me forever to find the first one for some reason, even though it is probably the easiest one in the game to find. I never found the second one, and had to turn to an online guide for help. I was hoping to put that off for as long as humanly possible, but yeah. Didn't work out too well for me.

I forgot how difficult this game is. Not only is it difficult navigating the map and trying to find the dungeons, but the enemies themselves are tough. Your sword has a very short swing, and you don't have full 360 degree movement of your character. You can only go up, down, left, and right. So you can only attack in these directions. That means you have to line up your attacks perfectly, or you'll miss. Or even worse, take damage. Enemies move very quickly in the game, and their movements are often extremely sporadic, jerky, and hard to predict. When you need precision aim to hit them, this can cause major trouble. And I mean major trouble. I lost track of how many times I'd be progressing through a dungeon flawlessly, only to lose everything I had in one seemingly simple room of enemies. The knights are just the absolute worst. You can only hit them on their sides, not head on, or they will block your attack. So you have to get next to them, RIGHT up close to them, and swing. But their sporadic movements often have them turning away at the last moment, or even worse - turning right into you and hurting your character. Lining these attacks up is a freaking nightmare. Not fun at all.

That's how I felt the majority of the time playing this game when I was a kid. I knew this was a big game with a lot of big ideas. It looked good, sounded good. I wanted to like it so bad. But I just didn't think it was any fun. Luckily, I felt a little better about things this time around. Probably because I had the internet to help, plus the use of save states. I may be singing a different tune if I'd played this on original hardware.

Speaking of big ideas, there is no denying the impact Zelda had on the video game industry. When I first played this, I only really knew of a few different kinds of games: 2D platformers, racing games, arcade shooters, etc. I never knew that games could be a full experience like this. You can buy things with money, upgrade your weapons, increase your health bar, use items from an inventory when in battle, etc. And then you could save your progress and come back later to pick up where you left off. These things all seem commonplace nowadays, and a big reason for that is this game.

I'm still a little torn on how I feel about this game. I like it much, much more than I did as a kid. I loved exploring, battling, and that feeling of satisfaction when I'd uncover something new. On the flip side, I didn't love constantly getting lost, or the obscure puzzle solutions you can only really figure out if you have a strategy guide. I wasn't a fan of the trial and error aspect, also. Going through each screen trying to burn every bush, or blow up every wall. No fucking thanks. It got old quick. Thankfully, they do a much better job in later Zelda games indicating what areas can be destroyed. The wall would have a crack in it, or the bush would be off color. Not that it helps this particular game.

I can sum it up as being a good, but frustrating experience. I like the game. I appreciate what it did for gaming. I can see why some people still view this as the best or most influential game ever made. But I can't lie and say I was crazy about it.




Graphics:

I think this game looks fine. Some people just can't stand old games or NES graphics, but I am not one of those people. I grew up in this era of gaming, so graphics don't really mean much to me. This game could be photo realistic, but have the same gameplay, and I'd still feel the same way about it.

What's impressive about the game is its scope. Even today, 40 years after this game first came out, you can still feel a sense of exploration and wonder as you walk around the game map. It's a very well-designed and fluid game environment. Very immersive, also. It's a little empty at times, but I think they really nailed the magical fantasy look and feel of this game. You can almost feel the wind blowing as you come out of the woods and start walking along the waterfront. 

I can imagine if I'd been older than 5 or 6 when I first played this, I would have been absolutely blown away by it. Imagine a 15-year-old D and D freak discovering this game back in the late 80s. It would have been mind blowing.




Sound:

There's one thing most people, even the haters, can agree on when it comes to this game: the music is great. This game birthed the iconic Legend of Zelda theme song that is still being used in games today. The dungeon music is wonderful. The sound effects are all spot on. There's very little to complain about in this department.

Except for the constant beeping sound when you're getting low on life. Screw that noise.




Overall:

My plan coming into this review was to give the game a B+. But now that I've had time to write the review and go back and re-read what I've written, I don't think a B+ is warranted. I liked the game, but it was more of a "yeah, it's all right" kind of like than a "wow, that was great!" like.

It's a good game. It's extremely influential. It broke a lot of ground when it came to the video game industry. I'm not going to deny that it is a very, very important game. Maybe the single most important video game ever made. But that doesn't mean I have to love it.

I'd advise playing this game, if only to see where it all started. And if you play it long enough, you might learn to like it, also. There's still a lot to offer here, even to newer gamers who didn't grow up with this. It may sound like I'm being harsh on the game, but I'm trying to be realistic and logical and not be color blinded by nostalgia or brand loyalty to the Zelda franchise. Yes, it's a good game, but it's never been one of my favorites. And it probably never will be. But it's someone's favorite (heck, probably a LOT of people's favorite), and I completely get it. 



THE GRADE:  
B


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