Video Game Review #629: Martha is Dead

Martha is Dead

PlayStation 4

Before Playing:

This is a very random choice for me to make. Prior to picking it up, I knew nothing about the game. Didn't know what it was about, or if it was good or bad. In fact, I hadn't even heard of the game before. It was a game that I randomly tossed onto my GameFly list because the preview on their website "looked cool." I didn't expect to actually get the game, because it was on the bottom of my queue. But in true GameFly fashion, they sent it to me anyway.

I came into this game with an empty slate and an open mind. I quickly discovered that it is a walking simulator, somewhat similar to Gone Home, which I had played through last month. I really liked Gone Home, so my hopes for this were relatively high. How would I end up liking the game? Let's find out.

Story:

This game certainly has one of the more unique settings I've experienced in a video game. It takes place on a vineyard in Tuscany, Italy, back in 1944. This is German occupied land. A family lives on this vineyard and is caught between two sides in the war. You play as Giulia. You have an identical twin named Martha. You have a tenuous relationship with your parents. The mother is crazy and the dad is working with the Germans. 

One night, Martha is mysteriously killed. Since Giulia knows that the parents favor Martha over her, she pretends to be Martha, leading the parents to believe Giulia is dead. No one knows why "Giulia" was killed or who did it. Was it her sister? The parents? To add to the mystery, there is murderous ghost woman living in the woods. German and Italian troops pass through the area frequently also.

The story of the game revolves around Giulia acting as Martha, trying to solve the mystery. I won't recap every little thing, as I like to leave things to the reader's imagination when I write these reviews. But this is a very trippy story. You are led down so many paths. You never know what is real and what is not because the narrator is clearly suffering from some kind of mental illness and is very unreliable. Is the ghost on the lake even real? What's with the weird puppet shows? Is any of this real or all in my character's mind? Is the mom crazy, or am I?

I can't tell if the game is leaving things open to interpretation, or if I am just stupid. I admit: I am someone who likes a game's storyline to be laid out right in front of me in black and white. I don't like things to be left open to interpretation. I'm not a huge David Lynch guy, but this game at times gives some Lynch vibes. Is that what it is going for?  

The game is very gruesome, also. I can't really describe what happens in detail because this blog platform likes to crack down on even the slightest mention of violence. But let me just say, I didn't expect to see such extreme body horror in this game as I did. It gives you the option to skip these scenes, but why the heck would I do that? I like that kind of thing.

As this is a walking simulator, there isn't much special about the actual gameplay. Your enjoyment of the game will fully depend on if you like the story or not. If this sounds interesting, you might like this game. If not, you can probably skip this game because its story is definitely the best thing about it.

Gameplay:

Like I said, this is a walking simulator. Don't expect to be too blown away by the gameplay. You walk around, you read things, you look at things. This isn't like Gone Home where you can pick up pretty much everything in the environment. Your interactions are limited to things that only make a difference in the storyline. Otherwise, you can just look at things and read their descriptions. This game is very light on actual gameplay.

One of the few actual gameplay mechanics is in the photography. Taking pictures and developing them is a big part of the story. Sorry to say, there isn't much to it. You can collect different lenses and mounting equipment for your camera, which makes it customizable. But the game pretty much holds your hand when you need to take a photo or develop them in the dark room. It is very easy to do.

The map for the game is relatively big. It covers the family's property and the surrounding areas. Most of it is wooded, but there is a lake and a stream that run through nearby. Other areas include a nearby cemetery, an abandoned German tunnel system, and some empty houses and fields that have been left behind. Aside from your family and the occasional German troop that comes through, the game does a very good job at making it feel like you're isolated and all alone out on this Italian villa. You can ride a bike around to get to your destination quicker, but is is clunky as hell to handle. Very awkward and janky. Almost makes it not worth using most of the time.

I suppose I have to mention the Morse Code segments of the game. I imagine this is probably the thing that people hated about the game the most. You have to send messages using Morse Code. Make one mistake, and you have to send the whole message again. What makes it tough is that the game never really explains how it works. So they just assume you know how to send messages using Morse Code? I saw the numbers and the symbols on the key you are supposed to use to decode the messages, but none of it made any sense. You can't use the key if it is never explained how it works. Once I looked online and figured out the method you use to send the code, it suddenly made sense and I was able to get through the Morse Code section pretty easily. But it was a bit tedious, and I can see a bunch of people saying F this and checking out at this part of the game.

That's all there really is to the game. Walk around, interact with things in the environment, like reading newspapers and making phone calls. Do the occasional task like taking a photo or sending a Morse Code message. The game's story propels you along. Expect to walk through the woods a lot. Expect to take some pictures. Expect to do a lot of reading and watching cutscenes, also. I've said many times: it's a walking simulator. Whether or not you like the game will mainly depend on if you will like the story ot not.

Graphics:

This game looks great. I don't even know what there is to criticize. Like I mentioned earlier, the setting is very unique, taking place on an Italian villa in 1944, near the end of WWII. The beauty of the villa comes to life when you walk outside and take in the spectacular view. At night, it becomes creepy and ominous, especially when you wander into the nearby woods. The feel of the game is very fairy tale-like, almost (but not quite) in a Pan's Labyrinth sort of way. 

The interior of the house looks very realistic. If anything, it was intriguing to see the way these characters lived. It is very much a period piece. 

But like I said, there isn't much to criticize here. Everything looks normal and "real" in a sense. It's a very PS4 game. Maybe in 20 years when someone reads this, they'll say "wow, the PS4 era's graphics sucked! How could you say this looks good??" But I'm totally content with what I'm seeing.

Sound:

The game has very good sound, as well. Voice acting is very good, although you'll be reading the subtitles because it is in Italian. What makes the audio stand out is the creepy atmosphere it helps create. There was one area, I believe it was the first time you go out into the woods, when I stopped to take a picture of something. The audio was pumping through my ear buds. It was quiet and peaceful, with the wind blowing and the crickets chirping. But then all of a sudden there is this guttural animal sound, almost like a bear or a large pig. It freaked me the hell out. The little hairs on my arms stood up. I started to panic because I was in the middle of taking a picture, which you do through a menu. I legit thought something was there and was going to get me.

But there wasn't.

That one single scary moment is what I'll remember the most about this game. Turns out, the monster noise is nothing to worry about. You'll randomly hear it from time to time, but you'll never encounter a monster.

Overall:

I appreciate that this is such a unique experience. The setting, the story, everything. Well, not the gameplay. We've been there and done that with walking simulators over the years. But that's not what matters. It is the ambience, the story, and the general feel of the game. It's memorable. I may not have particularly liked this game, but I'll always remember it. That's a lot more than be said about most mediocre games.

Look, I wasn't thrilled with the gameplay. The story was a bit of a confusing mess. I do appreciate what this game was trying to do, but aside from a few shining moments, this game just wasn't for me. I'm not going to bash it and say it is a bad game, but it wasn't personally very rewarding, and I don't feel like I am ever going to put myself through playing this game again. It can be slow and very tedious at times. If the premise of the game and its gore and it's Lynchian mystery sound interesting - by all means. Check this out. But if not, you really aren't missing anything here.

THE GRADE:  

C-

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Video Game Review #628: The Legend of Zelda

The Legend of Zelda

Nintendo Entertainment System

Nostalgia Factor:

Since the moment I started this blog 11 years ago, the original Legend of Zelda is a game I've been looking forward to playing and reviewing. Growing up in the 80s, this game was a part of my childhood gaming experience... but not a big part of it. I never actually owned the game. I first became aware of it when I was at my grandparents' house. The gold cartridge immediately caught my eye. It set the game apart from every other NES game out there, and gave it a certain magical feeling that is hard to explain.

My uncle John liked to play this game, and I would watch with wide eyes. I picked the game up a few times myself, but I could never really figure out what I was supposed to be doing. This game was released when I was five years old. I don't know what age I was when I first played it. But I was young, like really young. So it makes sense that it didn't quite click with me.

Later on in life, when I was 7 or 8, I ended up borrowing this game from a friend. I did better this time around. I think I made it through three dungeons. But then I would get hopelessly lost. I'd wander the game map for hours, hoping to stumble into something through blind luck. I was too dumb to figure out the secret forest thing. I am pretty sure I didn't know which way was north and which was south. I ended up returning the game to my friend a few days later. My initial reaction was: meh. In retrospect, that's a wild reaction considering how monumental and groundbreaking this game was to the video game industry. 

I guess it didn't help that I did not have a map or an instruction booklet on either occasion I had played it. These were included with this game, but for some reason (likely because I didn't own the game) they never made their way to me. So I really was fumbling around blindly. It's no wonder I kept getting lost. It's a shame, because I really wanted to like Zelda. I liked the cereal. I liked the cartoon. I liked the gold cartridge. I could tell that this game was a big deal. But I just didn't think it was that fun.

Let's fast forward a great many years. I would never touch another Zelda game until Ocarina of Time came out in 1996. This is one of the few games I waited in line for at the store when it first came out. I had missed out on Zelda II and A Link to the Past, but as an avid video game magazine reader, I was super hyped for Ocarina of Time. All the previews of the game made it out to be an absolute game changer. I was already a fan of Mario 64, and I had some somewhat fond memories of the original Zelda game. Even though I wasn't a huge fan of it, I was stoked to see how it would translate to a fully 3D environment. This was an exciting time for gamers back then.

Ocarina of Time made me fall in love with the Zelda series. Over time, I've become a massive fan of all the 3D titles. Yet, for some reason, I've never enjoyed anything before Ocarina. I was "meh" on the original NES game. I never played Zelda II or the Game Boy title. I've come back and played A Link to the Past as an adult - but that game never really resonated with me either. In fact, I gave it a C+ when I reviewed it, which is probably the lowest that this game has ever been rated with anyone. Thank god people don't read this blog, or they'd be lining up with torches and pitchforks.

Despite all this, I was genuinely excited to be returning to the OG Legend of Zelda for my blog. Like I said, I've been wanting to use this blog as an excuse to play through this game again for a long time now. Let's slay some childhood demons and finish this game off once and for all.

Story:

It was probably a big deal to have a video game with such an "advanced" story back when this came out, but by modern standards, the story is not much to get excited about. Again, I played this without the manual. Maybe more is explained within its pages. But basically, the game drops you off in the middle of nowhere with nothing more than a title screen that says Ganon has captured Princess Zelda, and she has broken apart her piece of the Triforce into 8 shards that you must collect. 

Once these are all gathered, you head to Ganon's hideout. You defeat him. You save the Princess. The end. Again, nothing too exciting. But I'm sure back in the day this was probably super cool. I can imagine if I'd only been just a little older when this came out, and if I had gotten my own copy of the game (manual, map, and all) I would have fallen completely under its spell. 

Gameplay:

Action takes place from an isometric perspective. You start with no weapons, but never fear - all you have to do is walk into the nearby cave and you're immediately given a sword. When your health is full, the sword fires a magical projectile attack across the screen. As a kid, I always thought this was just the coolest thing ever. Every time I incurred damage, I would take it personally. I'd end up battling the same respawning enemies in the same area in an attempt to fill my life bar back up again instead of just moving on. This was probably a bad idea, because it always led me down a rabbit hole of taking more damage than I would have taken otherwise, and then being forced to battle nonstop hordes of enemies to get back to where I was to begin with. Sometimes it even resulted in death, just because I got hit once.

The main goal of the game is to find the 8 missing Triforce pieces. Each piece is hidden in a dungeon. These dungeons become increasingly hard to find the deeper you make it into the game. Like I said before - as a kid, I could only beat three dungeons before getting completely stuck. Somehow, on my most recent attempt, I managed to do even worse. I found the third dungeon first. It took me forever to find the first one for some reason, even though it is probably the easiest one in the game to find. I never found the second one, and had to turn to an online guide for help. I was hoping to put that off for as long as humanly possible, but yeah. Didn't work out too well for me.

I forgot how difficult this game is. Not only is it difficult navigating the map and trying to find the dungeons, but the enemies themselves are tough. Your sword has a very short swing, and you don't have full 360 degree movement of your character. You can only go up, down, left, and right. So you can only attack in these directions. That means you have to line up your attacks perfectly, or you'll miss. Or even worse, take damage. Enemies move very quickly in the game, and their movements are often extremely sporadic, jerky, and hard to predict. When you need precision aim to hit them, this can cause major trouble. And I mean major trouble. I lost track of how many times I'd be progressing through a dungeon flawlessly, only to lose everything I had in one seemingly simple room of enemies. The knights are just the absolute worst. You can only hit them on their sides, not head on, or they will block your attack. So you have to get next to them, RIGHT up close to them, and swing. But their sporadic movements often have them turning away at the last moment, or even worse - turning right into you and hurting your character. Lining these attacks up is a freaking nightmare. Not fun at all.

That's how I felt the majority of the time playing this game when I was a kid. I knew this was a big game with a lot of big ideas. It looked good, sounded good. I wanted to like it so bad. But I just didn't think it was any fun. Luckily, I felt a little better about things this time around. Probably because I had the internet to help, plus the use of save states. I may be singing a different tune if I'd played this on original hardware.

Speaking of big ideas, there is no denying the impact Zelda had on the video game industry. When I first played this, I only really knew of a few different kinds of games: 2D platformers, racing games, arcade shooters, etc. I never knew that games could be a full experience like this. You can buy things with money, upgrade your weapons, increase your health bar, use items from an inventory when in battle, etc. And then you could save your progress and come back later to pick up where you left off. These things all seem commonplace nowadays, and a big reason for that is this game.

I'm still a little torn on how I feel about this game. I like it much, much more than I did as a kid. I loved exploring, battling, and that feeling of satisfaction when I'd uncover something new. On the flip side, I didn't love constantly getting lost, or the obscure puzzle solutions you can only really figure out if you have a strategy guide. I wasn't a fan of the trial and error aspect, also. Going through each screen trying to burn every bush, or blow up every wall. No fucking thanks. It got old quick. Thankfully, they do a much better job in later Zelda games indicating what areas can be destroyed. The wall would have a crack in it, or the bush would be off color. Not that it helps this particular game.

I can sum it up as being a good, but frustrating experience. I like the game. I appreciate what it did for gaming. I can see why some people still view this as the best or most influential game ever made. But I can't lie and say I was crazy about it.

Graphics:

I think this game looks fine. Some people just can't stand old games or NES graphics, but I am not one of those people. I grew up in this era of gaming, so graphics don't really mean much to me. This game could be photo realistic, but have the same gameplay, and I'd still feel the same way about it.

What's impressive about the game is its scope. Even today, 40 years after this game first came out, you can still feel a sense of exploration and wonder as you walk around the game map. It's a very well-designed and fluid game environment. Very immersive, also. It's a little empty at times, but I think they really nailed the magical fantasy look and feel of this game. You can almost feel the wind blowing as you come out of the woods and start walking along the waterfront. 

I can imagine if I'd been older than 5 or 6 when I first played this, I would have been absolutely blown away by it. Imagine a 15-year-old D and D freak discovering this game back in the late 80s. It would have been mind blowing.

Sound:

There's one thing most people, even the haters, can agree on when it comes to this game: the music is great. This game birthed the iconic Legend of Zelda theme song that is still being used in games today. The dungeon music is wonderful. The sound effects are all spot on. There's very little to complain about in this department.

Except for the constant beeping sound when you're getting low on life. Screw that noise.

Overall:

My plan coming into this review was to give the game a B+. But now that I've had time to write the review and go back and re-read what I've written, I don't think a B+ is warranted. I liked the game, but it was more of a "yeah, it's all right" kind of like than a "wow, that was great!" like.

It's a good game. It's extremely influential. It broke a lot of ground when it came to the video game industry. I'm not going to deny that it is a very, very important game. Maybe the single most important video game ever made. But that doesn't mean I have to love it.

I'd advise playing this game, if only to see where it all started. And if you play it long enough, you might learn to like it, also. There's still a lot to offer here, even to newer gamers who didn't grow up with this. It may sound like I'm being harsh on the game, but I'm trying to be realistic and logical and not be color blinded by nostalgia or brand loyalty to the Zelda franchise. Yes, it's a good game, but it's never been one of my favorites. And it probably never will be. But it's someone's favorite (heck, probably a LOT of people's favorite), and I completely get it. 

THE GRADE:  

B

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VHS Tape #32: American Idol 5

The title of this tape pretty much explains it all. This entire tape is American Idol 5 except for a couple random things like a Price Is Right clip and a Marty Casey interview.

 

(00:00:00)

American Idol Season 5 Premiere from Chicago Illinois

 - Ryan Seacrest talks about past seasons and previews the upcoming season. This is a pretty useless segment. 

 - Black man with sweaty armpits sings and is awful. He says he will come back in one hour and be better and the judges agree to this. Stay tuned.

 - White chick does the Humpty Dance and then can't think of a different song and is denied

 - Chunky white guy sings Meatloaf and is cut off mid-song and sent home

 - Montage of people's reactions after being told no

 - Brittenum twins audition and are both accepted

 - Gina Glocksen auditions and they say yes to her

 - Montage of people messing up

 - Mandisa audition. The judges say yes and Simon makes his infamous "we're going to need a bigger stage" fat comments.

*commercials*

Idol Premiere (cont)

 - Nerdy guy sings and sucks. Simon says he reminds him of a wasp.

 - Simon tells a black man that he should shave his beard and become a female impersonator

 - Bubbly woman auditions and is told no

 - Cop sings I Shot the Sheriff and is awful

 - Woman in wedding dress sings and sucks

 - Gay looking guy comes in wearing a Statue of Liberty outfit and begins to sing "Start Spreading the News". Simon cuts him off after two words and he gets pissed.

 - Previous contestant comes back after his one hour break to sing and is still denied after butchering a song no one even knew

 - Gay white boy with a protective grandmother sings and is awful. Simon says he sings like an auntie. The grandma confronts him afterward.

 - Wholesome country sisters sing and are put through to Hollywood

 - Hispanic girl sings and sucks

 - Young white male from Wisconsin sings I'm In The Mood For Love and is put through

 - White bitch sings profanity laced song and gets mad when she is denied

 - Black woman is bitter she was denied and confronts someone who made it through

 - Day 2 of audition begins, and Day 1 is recapped

 - Crooner David Radford sings and is put in to Hollywood

 - Ditzy blond chick sings I Am Telling You and sucks. Simon wants to talk about her sun tan and then invites her mother in.

 - Seacrest discusses people's hats

 - Spanish singer comes in wearing a silly outfit and is rejected

 - Ukrainian woman sings Bohemian Rhapsody and sucks

 - 16 year old black twins sing and make it through

 - Wild guy named Dave runs around on stage and sings. He is like a crazy person on PCP and yet they still say yes to him. This was a surprise.

 - Montage of horrible people singing Lady Marmalade. 

(1:20:53)

 

Second episode of AI5 from Denver Colorado

 - Confident black man with eyebrow piercing sings Fallen by Alicia Keys and sucks

 - More bad people

 - Lisa Tucker auditions and is good and makes it to Hollywood

 - Contestants show off bizarre talents

 - Bizarre chick says she sounds like Whitney Houston but then she sucks

 - Ace Young auditions and surprise surprise they say yes

 - Black girl with sob story sings Chain of Fools and is good

 - Montage of bad rockers

 - Chris Daughtry sings The Letter and makes it to Hollywood

 - One good and two bad auditions

 - Young cowboy from a small-town farm auditions and makes it through to the next round

 - End of Day 1 and beginning of Day 2

 - The "Think Tank" is introduced. A weird stoned looking white dude wearing matching pajama-style outfits and a nerdy inventor meet one another. Then they both audition and suck.

 - Fat chick sings Bjork and makes it to Hollywood

 - Feminine man sings and is awful. This person is just... really bizarre. This is the last part of the episode. 

(1:58:43)

Third episode of AI5 from Greensboro North Carolina

 - Screechy voice woman sings and is awful. Simon says she is more Jerry Springer then American Idol.

 - Sucky black woman named Cachet is rejected, along with other bad singers

 - Kellie Pickler sings Since You Been Gone and makes it through

 - Mustachioed guy who looks like a waiter wants to bring back standard musical numbers. His kid brother gets mad when he is denied.

 - Man with a ventriloquist dummy auditions and is denied

 - Squeeky voiced nerdy country girl sings and is awful. She sounds like a kid.

 - Air Force guy sings Let's Get It On and dances with Paula

 - Black woman is put through to Hollywood and kisses Simon

 - White guy sucks

 - Black woman with troubled past sings Ain't No Mountain High Enough and makes it through

 - Feminine fat man sings a Whitney Houston song and is not good but makes it through anyways. Simon says he should be wearing a dress.

 - Montage of Simon clips where he starts insults off with "I don't mean to be rude"

 - Chick in stripper-like outfit auditions and isn't good but isn't terrible either

 - Clips of sucky and nervous people

 - Guy with country-ish voice makes it through

 - Male relative of Fantasia sings and is awful. He is very high pitched.

 - Paris Bennett auditions and is very good and goes to Hollywood

 - End of Day 1 and beginning of Day 2

 - Black man who claims to have won over 10 talent shows sings and is terrible

 - Nice guy Jimmy Crabtree sings and sucks

 - Flamboyant feminine man sings a song from Aladdin and Straight Up from Paula Abdul. Simon says he looks like Sylvester Stallone's younger sister.

 - New Yorker who's boyfriend cheated on her sings and makes it through

 - Nerdy guy dances and sing Michael Jackson's Thriller. Epic.

 - Guy in his dad's firefighter suit auditions and makes it despite just an okay voice

 - Rhonetta, an extremely volatile black chick who dresses like a hooker auditions and is awful. She gets mad when she is denied and hurls insults at the camera. She doesn't like Paula apparently.

 - Greensboro recapped as episode ends.

Fox News clip about Jessica Sierra being stalked. This was before the sex tape apparently. They also talk about the Brittenum twins getting in trouble with the law.

 

(3:19:51)

 

Fourth episode of AI5 from San Francisco California

 - Blond Hawaiian chick auditions and the judges say no

 - Large gay black man sings and is super high pitched

 - Jose "Sway" Penala auditions and is put through to the next round

 - Nerdy guy who loves wolves has a poor audition

 - Dark military man sings Human Nature by Michael Jackson and is good

 - Montage of people practicing with their parents and vocal coaches

 - Katharine McPhee audition. She is good and easily makes it to Hollywood.

 - A couple more bad auditions

 - 16 year old pigtailed girl makes it through

 - All-Terrain singer sings different styles of music and sucks at all of them

 - Asian girl who looks like a Final Fantasy character makes it through, despite Simon's protests

 - Clips of Simon arguing with the other judges

 - Hippy looking lady with big hair sucks. She is only 27 but looks old as hell.

 - Simon gets annoyed with the other judges and leaves prematurely

 - Hispanic guy drinks hot sauce and sings horribly

 - All of the approved contestants are shown, as well as a preview for the next episode

(3:58:53)

Marty Casey interview on TV Guide Channel 

Fifth episode of AI5 from Las Vegas Nevada. This episode glitches a lot right after the psychic's sister audition and becomes unwatchable in parts

 - Fake Jamaican sings reggae and sucks

 - Guy in jester outfit comes in and is told no before he can even sing

 - Psychic who auditioned last year comes back to help her sister audition

 - Belly dancer auditions and is good. This is where the episode starts to majorly glitch out.

 - Tape is glitchy to the point of being unwatchable here. This continues until later on in the episode when I switch VCRs. Young guy sings hard rock and is rejected.

 - Black girl in cowboy hat sings country and is good

 - Gondolier sings and is denied despite a good singing voice

 - Montage of people who come back to audition multiple times

 - Crazy stalker guy who auditioned last year comes back and isn't allowed to sing again

 - Young egg shaped fat man sings and is terrible and high pitched and screechy

 - Twin Asian girls audition together and sing a Cranberries song. Sounds good from what I can hear but the picture is still all glitchy. The judges say no.

 - White dude sings a Backstreet Boys song and sucks. The judges join in with the singing.

 - Criminally bad singers

*at this point in the tape I moved the VCR to a different TV - this one with an antennae and not cable - and there is no more glitching. Just bad reception*

 

AI5 (cont)

 - Foreigner in a US flag shirt sings Proud To Be An American and is awful

 - Black woman named Princess sings terribly and is denied

 - Montage of crappy singers singing I Will Survive

 - Commercials

 - Seacrest talks about contestants funny hairstyles

 - Taylor Hicks auditions and is accepted by everyone but Simon 

(4:41:53) 

Sixth audition episode of AI5. This one from Austin Texas

 - Nerdy gay guy who can't sing does the splits

 - Clips of bad singers, including one hilarious high pitched black man

 - Weird chick with braces is obsessed with Paula Abdul. Her audition sucks though.

 - Zombies and more bad singers

 - Funeral director sings well and makes it through. Finally someone good!

 - Black chick sings Christmas music and is awful

 - Girl almost dies on the airplane ride in and recaps her story. Her voice is awful though. The judges tell her she can come back in 20 minutes and try again.

 - Seacrest comments about how much Austin has sucked so far

 - Black man who is a music major makes it to Hollywood

 - Girl who can sing with her mouth closed auditions and makes it through

 - Overly confident young guy sings Ain't No Sunshine and gets 2 yesses

 - Guy who looks like Randy Jackson sings I Cant Dance but he sucks

 - Girl from earlier comes back to audition again after her 20 minutes and still sucks

 - William Makar auditions and goes through to Hollywood

 - Fat chick with braces and 2 ugly looking braids hanging down in the front of her hair auditions and is awful. The video quality glitches a bit during this clip. Stupid channel 6 where I used to live back when I recorded this!

 - Episode ends and next week is previewed

(5:18:04)

Seventh audition episode of AI5. This one from Boston Massachusetts. Getting sick of these yet? Good news - this is the last one.

 - Ghetto white guy in Patriots gear raps a song about the US troops but sucks

 - Ayla Brown auditions and makes it through easily

 - Foreign chick takes clothes off as she sings but is terrible

 - The judges suffer many awful auditions in a row, causing Simon to get pissed

 - Sexy twins come in and audition, but only one sings and she makes it to Hollywood

 - Mixed woman sings to get revenge on her racist grandmother who disapproves of her black father. She isn't that great but still makes it to the next round.

 - People's jobs are discussed

 - Chick who works with old people is denied although her voice isn't that bad

 - Gay guy sings a Cher song and Simon says he should be a female impersonator

 - More men are denied

 - Kevin Kovais auditions and is surprisingly good

 - Montage of people singing Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog

 - Clay Aiken lookalike auditions and is awful

 - Audition tour is recapped to beat of the song You Had A Bad Day

(5:53:36) 

AI5. Hollywood round of auditions where everyone who got a yes performs again.

 - Kellie Pickler makes it through to the next round

 - Patrick Hall sings and makes it through

 - The contestants who don't have to sing on Day 1 go on a tour of Hollywood

 - Overly confident white guy sings. The guy who danced with Paula sings too. Neither one makes it to the next round.

 - Lisa Tucker sings and makes it through

 - Montage of people singing Hopelessly Devoted

 - More footage of the other contestants touring Hollywood

 - String of bad singers in a row

 - Paris Bennett sings and makes it through

 - Black chick touring the city stresses out because she feels sick

 - Taylor Hicks sings First Cut Is The Deepest and makes it through

 - Cowboy at the beach reflects on his journey

 - Recap of all the yesses and nos from Day One

END OF TAPE

VHS Archive:

Introduction: VHS Tapes and Me

VHS Tape #0: Howard Stern Tape

Funny Mix #1

Funny Cable Tape (2)

Rudy Boesch Mix (3)

Funny Tape (4)

The Ultimate Rupert Boneham Mix (5)

Are You Ready? (6)

Mixed Tape #7

Matteo Tape (8)

Funny If You're a Pothead (9)

John Tape (10)

Funny Mix #11

Crazy Tape of Psychos (12)

Funny Mix #13

Mixed, Jumbled, Confused, Shaken: It's a Record Tape! (14)

Peanut Tape (15)

Can You Dig It? (16)

Another Fantastic Record Tape (17)

Fairplay (18)

Survivor All Stars (19)

This Tape is The Bomb, Dawg (20)

Go Bo! Bo Bice Record Tape (21)

May + June '05 Record Tape (22)

Hooo-what?? (23)

Too Many Reality Shows (24)

Bye Bye Brandon Calhoon and Kaysar (25)

Bad Sound Tape (26)

Marty Rocks + Howie Too (27)

Crazy Ray is Awesome! (28)

For Shizzle (29)

Man Boob Tape (30)

Turkey Tape (31)

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

2026 Things: July

Previous 2026 months:

January

February

March

April

May

June

7.01: Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.01). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (4.10). Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 80). Finished video game: Bug!

7.02: Listened to 1 episode Collateral Cinema (Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (4.11). Watched 1 episode of Home Improvement (1.21). Watched 1 episode of From (4.09). Watched 1 episode of new American Gladiators (1.05). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.02). Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (29.07, 29.08). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Top 5 DLC of All Time). 

7.03: Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 96). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Don't Ever Play the Box Game). Watched 1 episode of From (4.10). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (4.12)

7.04: Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Room Zero).

7.05: Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (202). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.03). Watched 1 episode of new American Gladiators (1.06).

7.06: Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.32). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 277). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 324). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (4.13). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 88). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming (ep 65 pt 1). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 131). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Parchment). Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (203). 

7.07: Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Pet Sematary 2 Revisited). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (29.09). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.04). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (ep 70). 

7.8: Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro (Live Show 6.25.21). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (5.01). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (QSC Savepoint - ep 5). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 132). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (King Archives: Creepshow Stories). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (29.10). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.05). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (5.04). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.30).

7.9: Listened to 1 episode of Stephen Kingcast (ep 135). Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (29.11, 29.12). Listened to 1 episode of The Creepy pod (The Smiling Man). Watched 1 episode of Home Improvement (1.22).

7.10: Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (2001 Video Game Draft). Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 82). Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (29.13, 29.14). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.36). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (5.02). Watched 1 episode of Little House on the Prairie (1.01). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (school). Watched movie: Sleepwalkers

7.11: Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 233). Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (29.15, 29.16). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.06). Watched movie: Shipwrecked: Nightmare at Sea. 

7.12: Listened to 1 episode of Quick Save Club (ep 1). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (5.03). Watched 1 episode of Only Murders in the Building (5.06). Watched 1 episode of Little House on the Prairie (1.02). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 278).

7.13: Watched 1 episode of Home Improvement (1.23). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 97). Watched 2 episodes of Little House on the Prairie (1.03, 1.04). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (5.04).

7.14: Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.07). Watched 2 episodes of Big Brother (28.01, 28.02). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming (Lego Batman: Legacy of the Dark Knight). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (5.05).

7.15: Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (5.06). Watched 1 episode of new American Gladiators (1.07). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.03). Watched 1 episode of Little House on the Prairie (1.05). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Binary DNA). 

7.16: Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.08). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.04). Watched 1 episode of new American Gladiators (1.08). Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (5.07, 5.08). Finished video game: The Legend of Zelda.

7.17: Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.33). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Hollywood King: Regulators, Salem's Lot, Development Hell). Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro (Editor's Corner 33). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (5.09). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.05). Watched 1 episode of Little House on the Prairie (1.06).

7.18: Watched movie: Companion. Listened to 1 episode of Stephen Kingcast (Bonus: Westeros, Game of Thrones, AKotSK). Watched 1 episode of Little House on the Prairie (1.07). Watched 1 episode of Only Murders in the Building (5.07). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Rules). Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (5.10, 5.11). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Voyager (1.11).

7.19: Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 83). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 98). Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro (Live Show: 7/2/21). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 325). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.09). Watched 1 episode of Breaking Bad (5.12). Watched 1 episode of new American Gladiators (1.09).

7.20: Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (5.13, 5.14). Watched movie: The Odyssey. Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (Adult Swim Holiday Specials Pt. 1). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (The Most Replayable Game of All Time). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (QSC Ep. 16). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.35).

7.21: Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.06). Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (204). Watched 1 episode of Little House on the Prairie (1.08). Watched 2 episodes of Breaking Bad (5.15, 5.16).

7.22: Watched 2 episodes of Survivor (36.10, 36.11). Listened to 1 episode of The Retro Blast (Zelda: A Link to the Past).

7.23: Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.07). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (Micro 78). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.31). 

7.24: Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.08). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Coilscrew). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 279). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (36.12). Watched movie: El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie. Watched 1 episode of new American Gladiators (1.10).

7.25: Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (ep 71). Watched 2 episodes of Survivor (36.13, 36.14). Listened to 1 episode of Quick Save Club (ep 2). Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.09). Finished video game: Sackboy: A Big Adventure.

7.26: Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (Micro 79). Listened to 1 episode of Looking Back at Lost (205). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 326).  Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 99). Watched 1 episode of Only Murders in the Building (5.08). Finished video game: Martha is Dead.

7.27: Watched 1 episode of Home Improvement (1.24). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Highs and Lows of the Stephen King Renaissance). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.01). Watched movie: Hoppers. 

7.28: Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.10). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (10.39). Watched 1 episode of The Traitors Canada (1.01). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (5.05). Watched movie: Mortal Kombat II.

7.29: Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 134). Listened to 1 episode of The Quick Save Club (ep 3). Watched 1 episode of The Traitors Canada (1.02). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.02).

 

7.30: Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.11). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.03). Watched 1 episode of The Traitors Canada (1.03). Watched 1 episode of The Sopranos (5.06).

7.31: Watched 1 episode of Big Brother (28.12). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 88). Watched movie: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. Watched 2 episodes of The Traitors Canada (1.04, 1.05). Watched 1 episode of Hannibal (3.04). Listened to 1 episode of Creepy pod (Annie96 Is Typing). 

Most consumed media (minimum of 6)

20 episodes of Breaking Bad watched.

14 episodes of Survivor watched.

12 episodes of Big Brother watched.

10 episodes of The Challenge watched.

9 episodes of Creepy pod played.

8 movies watched.

8 episodes of the new Little House on the Prairie watched.

7 episodes of The FF Dynasty played.

6 episodes of the new American Gladiators watched.

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #627: Gone Home

Gone Home

PlayStation 4

Before playing:

I've been aware of Gone Home for years and years now. I remember first reading about it in Game Informer probably about 10 years ago, and thinking "hey, that sounds interesting." It's been on my to-play list ever since. The only problem is that the game never seems to be on sale. I wasn't going to pay 30 dollars for a story based game that can be beaten in a few hours. So I waited. And waited. And waited... 

Here we are in 2026. I was finally able to catch the game on sale at a reasonable price, so I scooped it up. Would the game be worth the 10-year wait? Let's check it out.

Story/Gameplay:

The story is the main feature of the game. Let's get that out of the way. If you come here looking for a rich gameplay experience, you will be very disappointed. There are no enemies to fight. No health meter. This is a walking simulator. Essentially a movie with interactive elements. Because the story and gameplay are intertwined so closely, I'm combining both aspects of the game for this segment of my review. Be warned, there will be spoilers ahead.

The game tells the tale of Katie, a college student who returns home after traveling abroad for several months. The family has moved into a new home. Katie doesn't know this home very well. She arrives and finds a note on the door from Sam, saying that they are gone and to not come looking for them. At first I thought Sam was Katie's brother, but I quickly learned through the context of the game that it was her sister instead.

Believe it or not, I got stuck almost immediately in the game. I had the settings too dark, and I couldn't see anything aside from the windows and the note on the locked door. I couldn't get in. I looked all over the place for ten minutes, hitting the action button and looking all over the place, but I couldn't find anything. I ended up turning the brightness up. That's when I found the little cabinet you can open with the house key inside of it.

There is no one to be found in the house. You play answering machine messages and hear your own message saying you were coming home. It has gone unplayed, meaning no one knew you were coming. So that is why no one is there to greet you.

The whole premise of the game is that you are walking around the house and discovering clues to the whereabouts of your family. You learn the back stories of all the family members. I remember the dad and his struggles as an author being one of the standout side stories. But the parents stories end up being a wash. Nothing dramatic has happened. They are simply out on vacation.

The real story is what happened to Sam. You find out, through a series of journals left behind, that Sam was in love with another girl. It explores the relationship and the awkwardness around it from the beginning. But it quickly blooms into a fairly touching tale. Again, spoiler alert. The game leads you to think her fate has something to do with witchcraft and a Ouija board, but this is just a joke set up by her sister. Sam has run off with her girlfriend, ducking out on the military academy where she'd been enrolled.

So it's kind of a feel good story. It tricks you into thinking something dark and scary has happened, when really the answers are much more simple. The parents are off on vacation, and the sister has gone off with her girlfriend. The story will go on after the game ends. We'll never see what happens, but that is the beauty of it. This is one of the more grounded, real life-based stories I've experienced in a game. On the surface this may sound boring, but to me it was not.

As far as the gameplay goes, like I said, it is nothing special. You walk. You pick things up with a cursor. You can read books and interact with switches, faucets, phones, and other things in the environment. When I first started playing the game, I liked to grab everything I could and pile it up on the porch outside the front door. There was so much random crap out there. It was kind of funny. But once I realized that I could be doing this for DAYS because there are so many interactive things you can pick up, I stopped. It was fun causing a little mischief, but it got old quick.

The rest of the game flew by quickly. The house itself is very large and interesting. The fact that your character Katie isn't familiar with it (this wasn't her family childhood house; the family had just moved in when she left on her trip) makes the game seem a bit more ominous. Some of the journals left behind referenced the house having a reputation for being haunted. And then there's all the witchcrafty stuff set up by Sam before she left. But like I said, that all turns out to be nothing.

I think I beat the whole game in one sitting. It's not very long. If you have time for a movie, you have time for this. After beating the game, I looked to earn some of the trophies I missed. It was here that I learned that the entire game can be beaten in under one minute if you skip the clues and know exactly where to go first. It took me a few tries, but I ended up earning this trophy.

Luckily, I had gotten this game on sale for a cheap price. It is a very short experience. I think I would have felt a little ripped off if I had paid 30 bucks for this, or whatever it was before the sale. It's essentially a three hour interactive movie. But don't take that as a diss. I really liked this game.

Graphics:

This game looks great. It is set in what looks like a normal, lived-in, chaotic house. Well, not quite normal. Not everyone has a house this large and confusingly designed, filled with secret passages. What I mean is that you see things that people have left behind. Books, notes, dishes, remote controllers, hairbrushes, etc. It feels like a place that people live in. People with busy lives and not much time to clean up (or fully unpack from when they'd first moved in). You get a real sense of knowing who this family is just from what they've left behind.

This game won't win any awards for its outstanding beauty or anything like that. But it looks fine. It looks real. It's atmospheric. It works on every level. I have no complaints here.

Sound:

This game's sound is very good. It is eerie and quiet most of the time, contributing to the game's creepy atmosphere. There's a hallway early in the game that has a room attached to it where there is a radio playing. It's just a man's voice reading the news. But there is just something chilling about the quality of it, especially in contrast with the complete silence of the rest of the house. It made the hair on my arms stand up the first time I began creeping down that hall and heard the voice talking.

The voice acting is good also. Story games don't work without good voice acting. Sam steals the show and delivers an emotional performance. No complaints here, either.

Overall:

As you can tell by my overwhelmingly positive review of the game so far, I really liked it. If you're into these narrative kind of walking simulators, you should enjoy it also. I can understand how some might find this game to be boring. Others probably call it "woke" because of the lesbian love story. I also understand how it may seem disappointing that it isn't demons responsible for the family's disappearance, or anything dramatic like that. It's a much more grounded, slice of life kind of game that tells a very specific and unique story in the life of this family.

Whether or not you enjoy the story will determine if you like the game or not. Gone Home isn't about the gameplay. No one is going to remember the tight controls or the groundbreaking advancements this game makes. You just walk around and look at stuff. What people will remember is the story.

If you like the story, you'll like the game. If you don't like the story, you won't like the game. I suppose there's something to be said about the game's atmosphere and the clever design of the house. But the story is what ties everything together. It certainly isn't the gameplay.

If this sounds interesting, I'd highly recommend the game to you. If not, you can probably feel safe passing it over. There are so many games out there. I've given up on ever being able to play every thing on my to-play list. Don't waste your time on something you probably won't like. 

THE GRADE:

B+

(I just realized that my last review, GTA 5, also got a B+. So, a three hour game where you walk around and look at things got the same review score as a massive, living and breathing open world title that is one of the best selling games of all time. Dontcha love it?)

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #626: Grand Theft Auto V

Grand Theft Auto V

PlayStation 4

Nostalgia Factor:

It seems odd that I've reviewed 625 video games so far, but I still haven't gotten around to Grand Theft Auto V yet. It's only one of the biggest games ever made, staying relevant through its online content for over 13 years now. You would think I'd have reviewed it a long time ago. But there's a reason for that.

According to my trophy information, I beat the game in 2013, returning later on in 2014 to mop up some trophies. I started this blog in 2015. I only review games that I've just freshly completed. GTA V didn't qualify for that. It barely missed out. My plan was that eventually I'd play through GTA V again, but who knew it would take 11 years for it to finally roll back around on my plate?

My memories of the game are very vague. I remember liking the game, but being disappointed in the multiplayer mode because it kept putting me in games by myself for some reason. Multiplayer was a big part of why I'd liked GTA IV. But to me, it was a failure in V (ironic, I know, considering how it is one of the most successful online games ever). 

I enjoyed single player mode, though. It was more of a throwback to when GTA was wild and over the top, as opposed to the more grounded nature of GTA IV. But because the multiplayer version refused to cooperate for some reason, I quickly jettisoned the game after beating the single player mode. So while this game has had staying power among many gamers the last 13 years, it hasn't for me. Like I said, I last fired this game up in 2014. It's now 2026. I feel like this is an important distinction to make before we go too deep into my review.

Now that we know my history with the game, we shall move on.

Story:

This game follows the paths of three different characters: Franklin, Michael, and Trevor. Michael is the lynchpin that binds everyone together. He reminds me a lot of Michael Madsen, but playing a West Coast Tony Soprano-like character. He's the shady gangster with the nice house and the nice pool. He has a rocky relationship with his wife. His son is a degenerate who is only interested in drugs and video games. His daughter wants to be famous. He goes to a psychologist for therapy.

Michael is in witness protection. His past cohorts think he's dead. He gets drawn back into a life of crime when he crosses paths with Franklin, a car thief from the hood. These two almost have a Walt-and-Jesse-type relationship from Breaking Bad. Michael is the mentor and Franklin is his much younger cohort.

When these two wind up on the news, it catches the attention of Trevor, one of Michael's past associates. Trevor, who thought Michael was dead, shows up at his house one day. These three fine fellows team up and start pulling off major robberies and heists.

I'm not going to go into every single detail out there, as this game has waaay too much story for me to cover. But the feds get involved and start using these three men to do missions for them so they don't get their hands dirty. Honestly, I was never too clear on how the FIB was involved in the story, and I never bothered much to find out. Additionally, Michael and Trevor end up at odds at one point in the game, as Michael's past and the cause of his disappearance and entry into witness protection becomes a major plot point.

The game takes all kinds of unexpected twists and turns. You can take on missions for random people you encounter on the street. There's a paparazzi cameraman you work with from time to time. A guy who advocates for legalization of weed. You can buy airports and taxi stations, that kind of thing. And those businesses bring their own missions with them.

I could go on all day about this game's story, but I think I've done a decent enough job laying the groundwork. GTA V takes us back to the satirical, ridiculous, and over-the-top nature GTA is known for. This is definitely an insane game. It is nothing at all like the more realistic nature of its predecessor, and much more like San Andreas or other, more wild GTA games of the past.

Gameplay:

If you've played a GTA game before, you should be familiar with the open world gameplay. You take control of a character. You have a map. You travel to the points of interest on the map, usually indicated by a giant letter, to accept missions associated with your character. Pass the mission, you open up more missions. The more missions you pass, the more money you collect. The more new areas open up on the map. You know the drill. Although I think the entire map may be accessible from the jump in this game? Fact check me if I'm wrong.

Each of the three main characters has their own different strengths. I enjoyed playing as Franklin the most because of his driving skill. You can slow down time while driving to avoid accidents and get to your destination unscathed while still driving at a high speed. Trevor is good in combat, and has his own berserk mode you can enter. Michael can slow down time, similar to Franklin, but only when on foot - not while driving. I found Michael to be the most useless player, and the one I spent the least time with when exploring the city.

What sets this game apart from other GTA games is the massive amount of side content. Hidden collectibles, random encounters with strangers, etc. You can take your dog for a walk, play darts, do yoga, engage in street races, go parachuting, etc. The world of the game feels alive like no other GTA game. I feel like I could load up my post-game save file and still entertain myself for hours and hours, even though  I already completed the main story. And then there is the whole multiplayer aspect, which I will mainly leave untouched since I only played single player for this review.

GTA V feels like a return to the over-the-top silliness of Vice City and San Andreas. It's more "comic" in nature when compared to GTA IV, which took a grittier and more realistic approach. Having played both games within a few years of each other, I can definitely say I prefer GTA V. GTA is at its best when it is having fun, and this game definitely has fun.

One of the best aspects of the game, for me, is the mission prep. For each major heist, you have different choices of who you can recruit, and which choices you want to make. Like, do you want to sneak in or do you want to go the guns-blazing route? You can also do things like stash getaway cars in advance of the mission. There is a critical choice you can make late in the game that majorly alters the ending you get. These choices help give the game its own identity, as there are no choices or multiple paths you can take in games prior.

What didn't I like about the game? There's a lot of yakking going on. Some of the cutscenes are too long. The game tries to be too clever half the time. Just let us play. Sometimes when you pick a character, he's just hanging out in his house. You have to watch him get up and stretch. Maybe say some witty line. And then you have to slooowly make your way outside before you can open the map. I can definitely see the groundwork being laid for Red Dead 2 here. Speaking of which, that's another game I need to revisit soon. I don't feel I appreciated it the first time around.

Anyway, I had a good overall time with the game. I don't think it is the greatest game of all time or anything like that. It's a solid GTA title, and I put a good 30 to 40 hours into it before I decided I'd had enough. It didn't blow me away or make me look at video games in a new light or anything like that. Maybe if I cared about online gaming, I'd be singing a different tune. But I don't.

Graphics:

This game looks great. It is the closest I've seen to recreating a "real life" city in a video game. Businesses, pedestrians, cars, office buildings, etc. I have never been to Los Angeles, but there are ton of landmarks that stand out in the game. I wonder if they are based off of real things? Probably. I'm too lazy to research it though. Some reviewer I am.

The game looks just as good moving away from the city. The mountains and deserts are beautiful. I love flying above the city in a helicopter and just taking in the sights. The water in particular looks really good in this game. My favorite aesthetic from the game was when I was playing with Trevor, and driving around in the desert as the sun was setting. I had to stop to take it all in. It's hard to believe this came out 13 years ago already.

Sound:

I might catch some heat for this, but I was not a giant fan of the game's music. Looking at the music list on paper, you'd think it was the greatest GTA soundtrack ever. It contains sooo many all-time classics. Just look at this list:

https://www.ign.com/wikis/gta-5/Soundtrack_and_Radio

Yet for some reason when I was playing, it seems like all I would ever hear on the radio was either techno or rap music. Or people talking and babbling. I never actually heard anything I wanted to hear. It felt like 90% of the time, I was channel surfing looking for something, anything that I would like. You'd think with a soundtrack filled with so many absolute bangers, I'd encounter one every once in a while. Yet if I was playing for an hour, I'd encounter maybe one or two songs I'd like in that timeframe. And most of the time it was a Bob Seger song. I didn't even know Boston had a song on the soundtrack until I was nearly done with the entire game. 

Maybe too many songs and too many radio stations are actually a bad thing. Too much garbage to shift through. Look at Vice City. I could basically put on any radio station at any time and encounter a song I like. But here, I have to search, and search, and search. I'd still be searching by the time I got to my destination. What's worst is when you finally find a song you like, only to find that it is ending. Boo!

So yeah, there's my controversial take. The game's soundtrack: good, but not good.

The voice acting, however, is very good. Trevor steals the show. After initially playing the game back when it first came out, I started to notice Steven Ogg in things like Westworld, Better Call Saul, and The Walking Dead. I'm glad he cashed in on the opportunity. Michael also has a good voice that somehow fits the GTA "main character" archetype perfectly. Michael's family is good. Franklin is good. Everyone is good. My only complaint with the voice acting is that they say the N word waaayyy too many times in this game. It's like every other word at some points in the game. Seriously. Is that necessary? I don't mean to be a debbie downer or anything. And I'm definitely NOT complaining for political reasons of any kind. I don't give a shit about politics. I'm the least political person you'll ever meet. It just seemed very unnecessary.

Overall:

I enjoyed my time with the game. Objectively speaking, it is probably the best GTA game out there. It looks great, it has a lot to do, it handles well, the story is interesting. You could play this for weeks and barely scratch the surface of the game's world. I like how you have three main characters, and you can make choices that affect the way the game plays out. It's just a flat out fun, over the top GTA game.

Despite the fact that it's technically the best GTA game on almost every level, it lacks a certain something that I can't quite put my finger on. Let's use Vice City as an example. It doesn't look as good, it handles like shit, and it hasn't aged well in many, many ways. But when the dust settles a few weeks from now, and I start to think back on what my favorite GTA game is, Vice City is going to be the game that comes to mind. Or maybe San Andreas. But not this game. "Why" is an interesting question. I already said that this game is better on nearly every level. Why would I like the inferior games more? 

I don't know. And you're going to have to accept that answer. Is it nostalgia? Rose tinted glasses? Maybe. To be honest, it's hard for me to put a finger on it. 

That being said, this is still a really good game. And I didn't even talk about the multiplayer aspect much. Some people have been playing this game online since it first came out. Clearly it has staying power with a lot of people. I wonder if they'd say this is the best GTA game ever? I'm sure multiplayer adds a lot more to the game. I'm just not a multiplayer guy. I tried, back in the day, and couldn't get into it. 13 years later, I'm a full-time dad and I just don't have time to play multiplayer anymore. I'm sure it's lovely. I'm sure if I really dived into it, it would increase my score from a B+ to something like an A or an A+.

But those are hypotheticals; a B+ it shall be. I just can't quite put in the "phenomenal" range of an A or better. It's close, but not close enough. I'd still give this an easy recommendation though.

THE GRADE:

B+

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<