Video Game Review #602: Stargate

Stargate

Sega Genesis

Nostalgia Factor:

I remember renting this game for a weekend back in the 1990s. Like most games I rented, I got it on a Friday after getting out of school. I brought it home, played it nonstop for three straight days, and then took it back when the weekend was over.

I don't remember much about my time with Stargate, but I do remember beating the game. My most vibrant memory surrounding the game isn't even necessarily about the game itself. It's from my dad showing up to pick me up to take the cartridge back to Blockbuster while I was fighting the last boss. I was like "nooooooo!" But I powered through it while listening to him pound on the door and yell for me to come out. I beat it just in the nick of time.

In the 30 years that have passed since then, I have never returned to Stargate to play through it again. Ever since I learned about Retropies and roms and emulation a few years ago, this is a game I've been meaning to revisit. Here in 2025, I finally made the time to do so.

How would I feel about this game nearly 30 years after my last playthrough? Let's find out!

Story:

I have to admit: it has been a very long time since I've seen the movie Stargate. I couldn't tell you how faithful this game is to the plot of the movie. I know it follows the same basic beat: scientists and soldiers are pulled into an alien world resembling Ancient Egypt. They fight the evil bad guys and help free the commonfolk from their oppressors. Blah blah. I should go back and watch the movie, to be honest. I remember it being pretty popular back in the day.

The game is full of little cutscenes, which are basically still images of the characters from the movie, with written text on the screen. Pretty common for this era of gaming. Occasionally, you will interact with the characters, who will give you little tasks or tell you where to go next. James Spader often helps you throughout the game, and vice versa. 

I like that the game tries to give you a competent story, and that it tries to follow the plot of the movie (I think?) but I didn't really care about it too much. I mean, it's a 2D side scrolling shooter. Does anyone play these kind of games for their stories?

Gameplay:

This is a 2D side scrolling shooter/platformer. You take control of Kurt Russell's character from the movie. Each stage is like a massive maze. You not only go left and right, you can enter doors by standing in front of them by pressing up. They take you to a different area in the level. While some stages may simply require that you make it to the end intact, most stages have a goal that you must complete before you can move on. These goals are mainly the same: finding all of the xxxx hidden throughout the stage and then making your way to the end of it. I used xxxx because most of the things you must do are pretty interchangeable. Find all the bombs. Find all the soldiers. Find all the elders. Destroy all the door switches. Basically, you are forced to explore every nook and cranny of every level.

Like I said, these levels are massive. It can get frustrating very quickly trying to remember where you've been, how many things you still need to do, where you have to go next. It wouldn't be so bad if you had time to actually look around and explore. But the enemies in this game.... man, they can be difficult.

I guess before we talk about that, I should explain the controls. The d-pad moves your character. There's a shoot button. There's a grenade button (which also doubles as a run button if you hold it down). There's a jump button. And that's about it. The controls seem serviceable at first, but later on in the game when you are forced to make quick, snappy decisions, the problems with the controls become glaring.

First of all, they are very stiff. Running around and jumping never feels very polished, like they would in a Contra game. The jumping is awkward. You really have to master the art of jumping and grabbing onto ledges if you want to stand a chance at beating this game. You get used to the controls after a while, though. It is mainly the combat I found to be very iffy.

The default gun is a rapid fire minigun, similar to what you see in the Earthworm Jim games. You can point up, shoot diagonally, shoot in front of you. But where I ran into trouble was ducking and shooting. My instinct is always to press the down and shoot buttons in very close proximity to one another - almost at the same time. But that doesn't work in this game. It simply points the gun down towards your feet and shoots downward. If you want to duck and shoot, you have to very clearly press down first, wait for the ducking animation, and then start firing your weapon. It may not sound like that much of a deal, but that half a second makes a massive difference. Especially considering enemies materialize right in front of you with little to no warning at all. My first reaction is always to duck and shoot like you would in any other side scrolling shooter. But that doesn't work, like I said. You just shoot at your feet. This led to sooooo many unnecessary deaths, and so much unnecessary damage taken. I feel like battling the controls is 90% of what makes this game so difficult.

The game is also difficult because the enemies can do major damage to you, and very quickly. There's not a wide variety of enemy types in the game. There's flying bugs (big and small), crawly things that come out of the sand, flying green guys, and guys that look like Pharaohs, that appear and disappear at random. These motherfuckers are the most annoying enemies in the game. They nearly ruined it for me. They just freaking materialize right in front of you. You have no chance to react. They deal out massive amounts of damage in mere seconds. And the easiest way to kill them is by ducking and rolling grenades at them or shooting them. Which brings us to the problem with ducking and firing your weapon.

These enemies appear directly in front of you. They can kill you in mere seconds. Because they are so deadly, it causes you to panic. Your instinct is to duck and fire. But you do it too quickly and you shoot down at your feet. Now you have to do it again, but wait for the animation this time. The enemy pounds away at you and before you know it, you're down to 25% health. You finally are able to take him out, but now you are almost dead and you still have more enemies to fight through before you can pick up a health item. 

Honestly, this game pissed me off so much with its random difficulty. It's so cheap just having enemies pop up and materialize in front of you or sometimes even on you with no warning whatsoever. You're taking damage before you can even react. The controls are fucked. You can't react properly in a panic. It's just a goddamn mess. 

Now let's talk about the bosses. They suck, too. Of course, the people who made this game had to take the most annoying enemy and give its most annoying mechanic to the boss characters. They vanish into thin air, rematerializing around the screen at random. Just like those annoying Pharaohs. These bosses REALLY like to reappear directly on top of you, causing instant damage. If they appear in front of you, they fire heavy-damage attacks at you that are almost impossible to avoid. If they appear from afar, they are super difficult to hit. You can shoot them with your gun, but unless you are consistently hitting these bosses with grenades, they will take forever to beat. You'll run out of health long before that. You have to hit them with grenades. But due to the random disappearing and reappearing of the characters, it makes it extremely difficult to do this.

It's just all so incredibly annoying. I don't know how I did this as a kid. Even with save states, I struggled. Maybe there is a strategy I wasn't seeing, or a pattern I was not recognizing. But these freaking bosses were terrible.

Overall, I did not have a good time with this. 

Graphics:

This game looks okay. That's all the praise I'm willing to give it. It's drab and dreary. There's not much variety. You can only look at so many sandy deserts, crumbling buildings, or cave interiors. I wish there were more enemies to fight, too. It's the same 6 or 7 things over and over again. There's nothing colorful or vibrant about this game. I found it to be the opposite of visually stimulating.

The animations are good. I like how Kurt Russell looks when he runs. He's got this silky smooth rhythm. I'm sure I thought that he looked super cool when I was a kid. Like I said, the game looks okay. It may not be visually stimulating, but it doesn't look ugly or anything. It's serviceable, I suppose.

Sound:

The music is fine. I can still hear the same handful of recycled songs rattling around in my brain. My favorite track from the game is the Egyptian sounding music during the desert levels. Otherwise, the other levels just have kind of a generic upbeat sound to them, similar to something you'd hear in a game like Judge Dredd or Batman Returns on the Genesis.

Sound effects are fine. I find the gun shooting sound effect to be very satisfying. There were a few random sound effects in here that I recognized from Ecco the Dolphin. I imagine I turned into that Leonardo Dicaprio meme where he points at the TV when I heard those playing. I'm a big Ecco guy. But this game is no Ecco.

Overall:

What I've been doing lately when I review 16-bit games that are on both the Genesis and the Super Nintendo is to play both versions of the game and then compare and contrast them. I had planned to do that here. But fuck that. I was NOT going to force myself to play through this game again on the Super Nintendo. I'd had enough. 

It's rare when I revisit a game that I liked as a kid and then I don't like it as an adult. Normally if I liked a game before, I'll like it again. But not here. I don't know how I did it as a kid. I hated this. It took me a few days to beat the game, and every time I would fire it up, I would dread having to play it.

I'm not going to give the game an F. It wasn't completely unplayable. It looks okay. It sounds okay. It follows the plot of the movie. It's not just a mindless shooter. You have a lot of exploring to do and tasks to complete. If I was to walk in and see someone playing this game, it would catch my attention. And if you are reading this and you happen to like Stargate, I am not going to criticize you for liking the game. I can see why someone would like this. It just wasn't for me. And we all have to accept that.

THE GRADE:

D-

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Re-Review #23: Super Mario Bros. 3

Super Mario Bros. 3

Nintendo Entertainment System

For my original review of Super Mario Bros. 3, click

>>HERE<<

I normally play through Super Mario Bros. 3 every few years or so. Looking back at my review index, I last played this game back in March of 2017. That's eight years since my last playthrough; probably the biggest gap I've ever gone in my life without playing Mario 3. And that is not an exaggeration. 

So, I figured it was time to fix that.

I fired this game up and instantly fell back in love with it all over again. Everything about this game instantly brings me back to the sense of awe and wonder I felt when playing through it as a kid. 

The music is fantastic. The presentation is great. The game is super easy to pick up and play. I don't know how you can pick this game up and not have a good time with it. 

Everything about it is a much more fleshed out Mario experience compared to the first two games. I love the overhead map in between levels. This was the first time they've ever done that for a Mario game before. It gives the world of the game so much more added depth. There are branching paths that allow you to do levels out of order, or even skip some of them completely. You can visit bonus locations to earn items and extra lives. The fact that you can store items and then use them when you need them was unprecedented for its time.

I also appreciate how the worlds of the games are sorted into themes. Sand stage, water stage, sky stage, ice stage, big/small stage, etc. Again, it gives the world of Mario so much more depth and personality than anything accomplished in the first two Mario games. It makes playing through the game really feel like a journey, like you're making progress through this mystical and magical kingdom.

The story is simple but entertaining. There's something charming about going into a king's castle and seeing how he's been turned into an animal. You then must board the airship, defeat one of Bowser's kids, bring the wand back, and turn the king back into a person. I wonder why these kings and rulers aren't in other Mario games, now that I think of it.

What really makes this game work is the stage design. Almost every damn level in the game is super iconic. There's nary a dull level in the whole game. I know a lot of people like Super Mario World more than this game, since it takes what is established here and expands upon it. But to me, even though there is "more" content in Mario World, the level design is what sets this game apart. To me, it makes this the best 2D Mario game I've played.

There's just so much love put into the game. The level variety, the music, the art design, the characters, the music, and all the fun little gimmicks you encounter along the way combine to really make this an enriching experience. Like how you can use your fire flower to melt ice blocks and get coins hidden within them. The simple but fun idea of the sky world being split into two sections was always genius to me. There's hidden Hammer Bros suits. There's the level where you hop around in the big green boot. There's the Tanuki suit you can use to turn into a statue. There's big fish that eat you in one gulp. There's the level with the angry sun that swoops down and tries to kill you. There's warp whistles. There's even a memorization card game where you have to flip cards and match pairs in order to earn extra items. There's just so much here that is specific to this Mario game that gives it such a unique and endearing personality.

The only bad thing I can say about the game is that there is no save feature. If you don't skip ahead, this is a pretty long game. A playthrough can take you about three hours. That's a lot of time to devote to one playing session. Luckily, I played the game on my Retropie, where I was able to save it and stop playing whenever I wanted. This made the game even more fun, in my opinion. Let's say I only had 30 minutes to play a game. I could turn this on, power through a handful of stages, and then save it and turn the game off. These little short bursts are actually quite enjoyable. Like going to a tapas restaurant instead of an all you can eat buffet.

This will always be my favorite NES Mario game. In fact, it may even be my favorite NES game of all time. Heck, it could even be in consideration for my favorite game of all time. It wouldn't win, but the fact that it would even be in the conversation is mightily impressive.

No one can ever convince me that Mario World is better. To me, Super Mario Bros 3 is the pinnacle of the 2D Mario series. The fact that it came out 35 years ago and is still this good is very impressive to me. Not only is it an awesome game, it laid the groundwork for future games. You can still see the influence of Mario 3 in game that are coming out today.

This game got an A+ for me when I last reviewed it eight years ago. That ain't changing. 

THE GRADE:

A+

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

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Video Game Review #601: Policenauts

Policenauts

PlayStation

Before Playing:

I've been aware of Policenauts for a very long time. I remember playing Metal Gear Solid on my PS1 back in the day, and seeing references to the game during cutscenes in Otacon's office. That was my only exposure to Policenauts as a kid. The game was never released in the US, so I never had a chance to actually check it out myself.

Within the last few years, I've been playing through a bunch of old games I missed out on when I was younger, now that I have a RetroPie. Snatcher was one of those games. I really liked Snatcher (you can see my review here) and I later learned that Policenauts was released as a spiritual successor to it. Oh hey, Policenauts. The game that was referenced in Metal Gear Solid. Things had come around full circle nearly 30 years later.

Although the game was never released in the US, there is an English translation of Policenauts on my RetroPie. I was such a big fan of Snatcher, I decided to check it out. Was Konami right to leave the game overseas, or did US gamers miss out big time? Let's see how I liked it.

Story:

There's a lot to unpack here. I'm not going to give a full recap, or we'll be here all day. Just a quick synopsis. The game starts in the distant future of 2013. Earth is referred to as "Home" and there is a colony in space known as "Beyond" that is being built. The main character, Jonathan Ingram, is a Policenaut - a member of an outer space police unit created to keep the peace during the construction of Beyond. The Policenauts are extremely revered, almost like they were superheroes or something.

One day, there is an accident in space and Jonathan "dies" in the explosion. He is discovered alive 28 years later. Apparently, his suit was programmed to freeze him cryogenically in the case of an accident.

Jonathan becomes a private investigator, leaving his past as a Policenaut behind him. Jonathan's life changes when his wife, who has moved on from him after thinking he was dead for 20 plus years, visits him at his office. She wants to hire him to find out what happened to her new husband, who has disappeared. Shortly after he turns her down, she is murdered. Jonathan decides to take the case. Not only to find the missing man, but to find out who killed his wife as well.

That's only the beginning. Your investigation takes you to Beyond, where your old Policenaut friend Ed joins you in the investigation. The game dives deep into the lore of this universe. You'll learn all about "Frozeners" and the Tokugawa corporation and mech units, and all the other things that come with the crazy world of this game.

Spoilers ahead, so skip to the gameplay section if you don't want to know how the game ends.

But long story short, you discover that the Tokugawa corporation has created an addictive drug that they have put into actual capsules of other drugs so that they are undetectable. They are doing this to get everyone hooked, so they can then charge them for curing them of their addictions. They have also been illegally harvesting human organs, among other corrupt shit. And the worst thing of it, some of your former Policenaut buddies are part of it. 

Gameplay:

It is imperative that you know what kind of game Policenauts is before you start playing it. It is a point and click adventure. If you are not okay with this, you won't like the game. If you aren't familiar with what this means, I will explain. You point at things in the environment with your cursor and you click on them. You read descriptions of what you are looking at. You talk to people. You make selections on a menu to steer the conversation the way you want it. Using a menu, you can move your character from location to location, where you'll talk to some more people and look at some more stuff.

That's about it. This is, for the most part, an entirely story-driven experience. You do get the occasional action scene, where you aim your cursor around on the screen and shoot enemies. If you have played a light gun game, such as Lethal Enforcers, you'll get the idea. But these action sequences are few and far between. The bulk of the game is pointing, clicking, and talking.

When you enter an area, you'll want to check out everything in the environment first. Oftentimes, clicking on things multiple times will give you different text, and more detail about the thing you are looking at. Once it starts to say the same thing over and over again, you'll know you can move on.

This is usually when I look at the characters on the screen. Looking at different parts of their body will elicit different comments. This game does not shy away from talking about boobs. In fact, you can even touch them in this game. Multiple times. Without the consent of the woman you are touching. It's wild. This game could never be made today. There's so much about it that would absolutely not fly anymore. But on the whole, the game is hilarious and a fun example of a product of its time. I refuse to get mad at it or cancel it or have any kind of wild overreaction like that.

Once you are done looking at everything there is to look at, I normally explore all the different conversation paths. I usually go in order. And then when I am done, I start at the top again and make my way through the choices again. You're almost guaranteed to get different responses each time. I keep going until I get the same recycled responses over and over again. Then I know I can move on.

That's the whole game. Look at everything. Look at everyone. Talk to everyone. Explore all conversation paths. And do these things multiple times. 

Normally I am not a fan of games like this, but Snatcher won me over. Unfortunately, Policenauts is not nearly as good as Snatcher. And a lot of it boils down to the story. It just isn't as interesting as Snatcher. I've never been into the hard-boiled detective noir genre, and this game borrows heavily from that. I've also never been into anime, and this game has a big anime aesthetic to it. It's a mix of detective noir and futuristic anime. If that sounds fun to you, awesome. But it just didn't do much for me.

The first half of the game bored me. I dragged my feet playing this game. I had to force myself to turn it on. Eventually I put my head down and just tried to power through it. And that's when it started to grow on me a little bit. The story took some interesting turns. I began to invest myself in the lore of the game's universe. I started to have fun. In fact, when I was done with the game, I actually began to miss it a little bit. I wanted to see and experience more of the world of Policenauts. It's a shame there is not more content in this universe to consume.

While I will say that the game grew on me big time, I can't say that it had nearly the impact on me that Snatcher did. I plan to play Snatcher again someday. I just can't see myself playing this again.

Before we move on, I do have to say that this game suffers from a textbook case of Kojima bloat. The characters sit around and gab for far too long. One particularly grievous example is when our characters find themselves in a handbag store where the villain has planted a bomb. There's absolutely no sense of urgency here. They sit around, they chit chat for twenty minutes. It's like "hello? there's a bomb here. what are you doing?"

This game is filled with shit like that.

Graphics:

This game has the look and feel of a classic 80s anime. It's not my favorite art style. I much prefer the more pixelated cyberpunk look of Snatcher. Sorry I keep bringing that game up. But it has charm. This game doesn't. I mean, it doesn't look bad or anything. In fact, over time it really sells the vibe the game is going for. I just don't find this particular art style visually exciting, especially when it comes to the character design. I don't mind how the location or the scenery look. They're fine. But the characters? Eh.

Sound:

The music in this game is pretty decent. It doesn't come close to matching the soundtrack of Snatcher (yeah yeah I know) but it is still pretty good. It matches the visual aesthetic of the game to a tee. One thing that jumped out at me right away is how this game's main theme is also in Metal Gear Solid (it's the song that plays when the Konami logo is on the screen as the game is loading up).

The voice acting is also very good. Now, there is no English speaking version of the game. All characters speak in Japanese, and unless you speak Japanese, you have to read the subtitles on the screen. If this is a problem for you, you are going to have a bad time with this game.

Overall:

I'm glad I played Policenauts. And I'm glad I stuck with it. I was tempted many times in the middle of the game to put it down or move onto something else. But although I didn't always vibe with the game, I came away from it with a positive feeling on my mind.

This is an interesting piece of gaming history. It's not Kojima's finest. In fact, it may be one of the weakest Kojima games I have played. But I feel it is an important game. It clearly inspired many things that later went into Metal Gear. Meryl is in the game. Some of the music is shared. Even some of the philosophical ideas that are discussed between characters later appear in the Metal Gear games.

I'm going to go ahead and mention Snatcher one last time. I just want to use it as a point of reference, because I haven't reviewed any other point and click games. I loved Snatcher. I gave it an A. Like I said before, I loved the game's story, and I would totally come back and play it again. I cannot say that I "loved" Policenauts. I enjoyed Policenauts. I liked Policenauts. But I didn't love it. A lot of it comes down to the story and to the pacing of the game. It just doesn't quite do it for me.

So while I walk away from this game saying that I did like it overall, don't expect me to get too excited about it. I think it is an important game, and one that you should check out if you have the means. But once is enough for me.

THE GRADE:

B-

(I really, really wanted to give this game a C+, but I felt that this grade was just a smidge too low. But at the same time, the grade of B- seems a smidge too high. Oh well!)

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

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2025 Things: November

2025 Things: January

2025 Things: February

2025 Things: March

2025 Things: April

2025 Things: May

2025 Things: June

2025 Things: July

2025 Things: August

2025 Things: September

2025 Things: October

11.1: Watched 3 episodes of Big Brother Canada (12.27, 12.28, 12.29). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Discovery (5.08). Watched 1 episode of Monster: The Ed Gein Story (1.01). Watched 1 episode of SEC Football: Any Given Saturday (1.04). 

11.2: Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep145). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (ep 58 pt 2). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (Micro 60). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming (Resident Evil: Code Veronica). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (10.31.25 ep). 

11.3: Watched 1 episode of Fargo (2.04). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 52). Finished video game: Hook (SNES). Watched 1 episode of Andor (2.05). Watched 1 episode of Monster: The Ed Gein Story (1.02). Listened to 1 episode of Staff Picks (Private Parts).

11.4: Finished video game: Hook (Sega CD). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Discovery (5.09). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 300). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (38.05). Watched 1 episode of The Traitors (1.01).

11.5: Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Guitar Hero as a First Person Shooter?). Finished video game: Doom 3: BFG Edition. Watched 1 episode of Fargo (2.05). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (38.06). Watched 1 episode of The Traitors (1.02). Watched 1 episode of Star Trek: Discovery (5.10). Finished video game: Hook (Genesis). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (9.101). 

11.6: Watched 1 episode of Fargo (2.06). Listened to 1 episode of Unsolved Mysteries (Death of a DJ). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (49.07). Watched movie: Child's Play.

11.7: Watched 1 episode of Andor (2.06). Watched movie: ET: The Extra-Terrestrial. Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (38.07). Listened to 1 episode of Post Show Recaps: The White Lotus (1.05 recap). Listened to 1 episode of DrunkFriend (ep 40).

11.8: Watched 1 episode of Andor (2.07). Watched 2 episodes of Monster: The Ed Gein Story (1.03, 1.04). Watched 3 episodes of The Traitors (1.03, 1.04, 1.05). Finished video game: Untitled Goose Game. Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 75). 

11.9: Watched 1 episode of Squid Game: The Challenge (2.01). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 53). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 99). Listened to 1 episode of The Stephen Kingcast (ep 107). Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 64).

11.10: Watched movie: Hook. Watched movie: His House. Watched 2 episodes of Squid Game: The Challenge (2.02, 2.03). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 54). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming (Resident Evil 2002 Game Review). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (11.7.25 ep). 

11.11: Watched 1 episode of Fargo (2.07). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (The Kingies: Best of 90's King). Watched 2 episodes of Squid Game: The Challenge (2.04, 2.05). Watched 2 episodes of The Traitors (1.06, 1.07). Watched 1 episode of Andor (2.08).

11.12: Watched 1 episode of Squid Game: The Challenge (2.06). Watched 3 episodes of The Traitors (1.08, 1.09, 1.10). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (9.106). Watched 1 episode of Fargo (2.08).  

11.13: Watched 1 episode of Andor (2.09). Watched 1 episode of Monster: The Ed Gein Story (1.05). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (38.08). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 242). Watched 2 episodes of Squid Game: The Challenge (2.07, 2.08). Finished video game: Enslaved: Odyssey to the West.

11.14: Watched movie: Child's Play 2. Watched 2 episodes of Fargo (2.09, 2.10). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (49.08). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (41.00). 

11.15: Listened to 1 episode of Post Show Recaps: The White Lotus (1.06 recap). Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (41.01, 41.02). Watched 1 episode of Andor (2.10). Watched 1 episode of Monster: The Ed Gein Story (1.06). Listened to 1 episode of Unsolved Mysteries (Body in the Brandywine). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 243). Watched 1 episode of Attack on Titan (3.01).

11.16: Watched 2 episodes of Andor (2.11, 2.12). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (CC Portable #30). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 55). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 97). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour (11.14.25 ep). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 244).

11.17: Watched 1 episode of Monster: The Ed Gein Story (1.07). Watched 1 episode of Attack on Titan (3.02). Watched movie: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.  Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Y2King: The Plant and Riding the Bullet). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (ep 59). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (CC Portable #31). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 56).

11.18: Watched 1 episode of Pluribus (1.01). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator Review). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (41.03). Watched 1 episode of Squid Game: The Challenge (2.09). Finished video game: Super Mario Bros 3.

11.19: Watched 1 episode of Monster: The Ed Gein Story (1.08). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (9.107). Watched movie: The Long Walk. Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (41.04). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema (At the Movies Edition: Spider-Man: No Way Home). Watched 1 episode of Pluribus (1.02).

11.20: Watched 1 episode of The Wonder Years (2.05). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (49.09). Watched 1 episode of SEC Football: Any Given Saturday (1.05). Watched 1 episode of Pluribus (1.03). Watched movie: Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. 

11.21: Watched 1 episode of Attack on Titan (3.03). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (41.05). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 76). Watched movie: The Mummy (1999). 

11.22: Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (38.09). Watched 1 episode of Pluribus (1.04). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 57). Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (Micro 61). 

11.23: Watched 1 episode of The Wonder Years (2.06). Watched 1 episode of 50 Seconds: The Fernando Báez Sosa Case (1.01). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (9.109). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 146). Listened to 1 episode of Post Show Recaps: The White Lotus (Season 2 Preview). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack (ep 245). Watched movie: Coherence.

11.24: Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Mick Garris' Riding the Bullet). Watched 1 episode of The Outsider (1.01). Watched 1 episode of Attack on Titan (3.04). Finished Book: X-Wing: Solo Command. Listened to 1 episode of Staff Picks (Cellular). Listened to 1 episode of Unsolved Mysteries (Missing for Christmas). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde (Top 5 Video Game Crushes). Listened to 1 episode of The 7th Rule (ep 301). 

11.25: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (41.06). Watched 1 episode of The Outsider (1.02). Finished video game: Ice Age: Scrat's Nutty Adventure. Listened to 1 episode of Post Show Recaps: White Lotus (2.1 recap). 

11.26: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (41.07). Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits (ep 65). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 58). Watched 1 episode of Pluribus (1.05).

11.27: Listened to 1 episode of Retronauts (ep 100). Listened to 1 episode of The FF Dynasty (9.111). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (41.08).

11.28: Watched 1 episode of The Outsider (1.03). Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro (Live Show: Apr 9 2021). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (ep 77). Watched movie: Solo: A Star Wars Story.

11.29: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (41.09). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (49.10). Listened to 1 episode of Retrovaniacs (ep 59). Finished video game: Centipede. Finished video game: Sonic the Hedgehog.

11.30: Watched 1 episode of The Wonder Years (2.07). Listened to 2 episodes of Fantasy Football Happy Hour ( 11/25 and 11/26/25 eps). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming (ep 58). Listened to 1 episode of The Cartridge Club (CC Portable #32). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club (Hollywood King: Fairy Tale, Billy Summers, Shyamalan). 

11 movies watched

10 episodes of The Traitors watched

10 episodes of The Challenge Watched

9 episodes of Squid Game: The Challenge watched

8 episodes of Cartridge Club played

8 episodes of Retrovaniacs played

8 episodes of Andor watched

8 episodes of Monster: The Ed Gein Story watched

8 video games completed (10 if you count the Hooks on the different consoles as different games)

7 episodes of Fargo watched

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

600 game reviews! A look back at one of the greatest modern accomplishments of mankind.

Hi. I just posted my 600th game review. I normally try to make every 100th review a game that I consider special, but it never quite seems to work out that way.

100th review: Dr Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine (Genesis)

200th review: Kingdom Hearts III (PS4)

300th review: The Simpsons (arcade)

400th review: Star Wars: Rebel Assault (Sega CD)

500th review: Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! (NES)

600th review: Centipede (arcade)

Punch-Out!! and Mean Bean Machine are the two best games on the list. Sure, some of the other games on there are okay. But special to me? Not quite. 

Here are some stats.

I reached 500 reviews back on March 8th, 2024. I reached 600 reviews on November 30th, 2025. About 20 months passed, nearly 2 years between milestones.

My 5 most reviewed consoles:

PS4: 100

PS3: 63

Arcade: 58

Genesis: 58

NES: 45

PS1: 42

I had 86 PS4 reviews when I hit 500 reviews. I now have 100, which means I've reviewed 14 PS4 games in the interim. In that same time frame I have played 11 PS3 games, 10 arcade games, 8 Genesis games, and 8 PS1 games. I've only reviewed 4 NES games in the last 100 reviews, and that surprises me. I would have thought for sure I had played more.

Here are my most reviewed game series:

Resident Evil: 17

Mario: 17

Batman: 17

Sonic: 15 (counted Knuckles Chaotix and Mean Bean Machine as Sonic games)

Star Wars: 14

Castlevania: 10

Final Fantasy: 9

Jurassic Park: 8

It's funny how there are three franchises tied for first. I normally try to space out the games I play when it pertains to certain series. Like, if I play a Resident Evil game, I will wait at least several months before playing another one. But I totally didn't plan for them all to be even. 

Some series I haven't reviewed a single entry in yet:

Assassin's Creed

Call of Duty

Medal of Honor

Hitman

Lunar

Tenchu

Monkey Island

Borderlands

Minecraft

Wild Arms

Dragon Warrior

Persona

Yakuza

Soul Calibur

Bloodrayne

Earthbound

Anything past Street Fighter 1 (I know that is cheating)

Back when I did my Happy 500 Game Reviews post two years ago, I had written that I wanted to review the following games. I checked off the ones I actually reviewed:

Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Mass Effect

Final Fantasy Tactics

Panzer Dragoon Saga 

Super Mario RPG 

Sonic CD

the original Legend of Zelda

Link's Awakening

Doom

Warhawk

Bully

Okami

Zombies Ate My Neighbors

God of War Ragnarok

Beyond Oasis

Shadowrun

Shining Force 2

Earthbound

Suikoden

Bloodborne

Perfect Dark Zero

Comix Zone

Golden Sun

the Rogue Squadron series

Banjo-Tooie

Jersey Devil

Croc

Diddy Kong Racing

the Xenosaga games

I only played 6 games that I had been wanting to play. 

I wonder how I'll do on my new list of games I want to play before I reach 700 reviews:

Eternal Champions

Shadowman

Shovel Knight

Red Zone

Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero

Bloodborne

Sonic Spinball

ET for the Atari 2600

Bully

Mark of Kri

Far Cry 5

Ecco: Defender of the Future

Policenauts

Lego Indiana Jones II

Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Mission: Impossible

Odin Sphere

Psychonauts 2

Legend of Zelda for NES

Panzer Dragoon Saga

Skies of Arcadia

Sonic CD

Final Fantasy Tactics

Forsaken 64

Legend of Dragoon

Mass Effect 2

Mass Effect 3

Madden 64

Star Wars: Rogue Squadron

Xenosaga

Tomb Raider: Anniversary

Castlevania: Dracula X

Metro 2033

Perfect Dark Zero

Mega Man Legends

Beyond Oasis

Street Fighter II

Warhawk

Willow for NES

Rygar for NES

I'm also nearing 1000 overall games played in my life. I plan to do something special for that as well. I've been considering dipping my feet into doing a podcast. But nobody reads these reviews. Why would anyone listen to me talk? Hmm. But it is something to ponder.

What else can I talk about?

Nothing I can think of. I guess I'm going to end this now before it gets awkward. If you are someone who reads and follows this blog, I appreciate you. Mainly I do this for me, but if someone stumbles upon this and falls down the rabbit hole of reading through my game reviews, I'd love to see it. If my efforts have positively impacted one person, that makes it all worth it.

If you want to see a list of all my game reviews arranged by scores, click this

For a general listing of every post I've ever made, including things that aren't game reviews, click this

I never get any feedback, so if you want to ever send me what you think of my blog, even if you disagree with my opinions on things, you can reach me at dangeeksout@gmail.com

Bye.

Video Game Review #600: Centipede

Centipede

Arcade

Nostalgia Factor:

Woo hoo, 600 game reviews. What a truly productive life I live.

Centipede is a game I was very familiar with as a kid. The game came out in 1980, and I was born in 1982. Growing up, I would encounter this game at almost every bowling alley/restaurant/movie theater I went to. It wasn't my favorite game, but I'd pop in a quarter from time to time and give it a go. My overall memories of the game are fairly positive.

I haven't played Centipede in a good 30 years. Maybe even more. What prompted me to come back and play it again? I don't know. My eventual plan is to review every single game I've ever played, so I would have had to come back to it at some point. Why not now?

Story:

If this game has a story, I have no idea what it is. There are no cutscenes. There is no ending. You fly around in a little spaceship and you shoot centipedes and the occasional spider. What else do you need to know?

Gameplay:

I was impressed by how quickly the game hooked me. This might be a controversial opinion for someone my age, but this era of gaming is one of my least favorites. I like games you can beat. I like making progress and advancing the story. I've never been a big fan of games that simply go on forever; where you are playing for a high score rather than a chance to beat the game. There have been a few exceptions over the course of this blog: Tetris, Frogger, Tron, Journey, Burger Time, and a few others. But for the most part, I sort of frown upon these types of games. Centipede is another one of my exceptions.

The game is just flat out fun to play. It's easy to pick up and play, but hard to master. Right off the bat, you see what you have to do. You fly around on the bottom of the screen, and you shoot the centipedes that are descending down through the mushrooms towards you. You move around and you hit the shoot button. Easy, right?

Wrong. While the concept might seem simple, there is so much more at play here. First, there is the distance. The centipede comes down from the top of the screen. There's a long way from the bottom of the screen to the top. Your laser weapon shoots at a certain slow speed. You're going to have to get the timing right if you want any chance at hitting that centipede.

Then, there's the spiders. These spiders come at you from the side of the screen. They are a bitch to avoid. They move up and down, and over to the side - seemingly at random. It's so hard to predict what they are going to do. I think those spiders have probably killed more gamers than the centipedes ever have. It often seems like they come in right at you. If you linger too close to the edge of the screen, they can pop out and kill you without giving you a chance to react. I hate them. But it is very satisfying when you get to shoot one. It's like yeah take that you sonofabitch.

Next, there are the mushrooms. They block your laser weapon. Enough hits will wipe out a mushroom, allowing you to shoot past it now. When a centipede runs into a mushroom, it bounces back the other direction and moves one spot lower on the screen. It's often very satisfying when there is a tunnel of mushrooms and the centipede comes straight down. You can just camp out below it and fire away. The downside is that after killing a piece of a centipede, it turns into a mushroom. So as fast as you can wipe these darn mushrooms out, they can return equally as fast.

Then there is the centipede itself. When you shoot it, it breaks into multiple pieces that scatter in opposite directions. The smaller the piece is, the faster it moves. Those little tiny pieces can be super hard to hit. Having good timing is a must if you want to succeed in lining up your shots. Once you've defeated all the pieces of a centipede, the colors of the level change and you move onto the next level. The difficulty ramps up ever so slightly with each passing level as well. Pretty soon, the enemies will be zipping across the screen super fast. The spiders will get even more erratic. The centipede pieces even harder to hit. This is usually where I conk out and run out of lives.

I considered using save states to rack up an abnormally high score, but I decided against it. Why not test myself and see how good I can do normally? I've been saving my high scores to the game so my son can see them and try to break them when he is older.

The game is extremely addicting. While it is very simple in nature, I almost never get tired of playing it. I can play round after round after round and before I know it, several hours have passed. That's the mark of a truly great game, in my opinion.

Graphics:

Obviously, the game has a very minimalist look going for it. Plain black background, very simple looking characters. But it works. The game has a very distinct feel to it. I think all the colors and the unique design of the mushrooms and the spiders really makes it stand out. You see this game and you immediately know it is Centipede. 

No, it is not going to win any beauty awards. But it doesn't need to. Whether it looks like this or it looks like the most amazing game you've ever seen, what matters to me is the gameplay. Do the graphics hinder the gameplay at all? Nope. Not even a little.

Sound:

This game's not going to win any music or sound awards either. There is no music. The game is completely silent sans the sound effects. The sound effects themselves are fine. All you really hear is the sound of your weapon firing, and the sound of the wiggly spider as he makes his way across the screen. I'll say what I did about the graphics: it doesn't hinder the gameplay at all. But are the sound effects particularly memorable? Eh. I can't say with a straight face that people will recognize this game by sound in the same way they would a game like Pac-Man or Donkey Kong.

Overall:

As much as I've always liked Centipede, I feel I've underestimated it. I don't even know how long it's been since I last played Centipede before I fired it up for this review. 25 years? 30? I'll never let that long pass again. I can easily see Centipede becoming a game that I will go to whenever I turn on my RetroPie. Play it for a few rounds. Save any high scores. Move onto something else. It's the perfect game to jump in and play a few rounds and then pop out.

I can't really say anything bad about the game. For its time (1980) and for how groundbreaking of a title it was, it is impressive to see how well it has held up. Not a perfect game, and not a particularly deep one either, but it is still a game that is quite addicting and a lot of fun to play.

THE GRADE:

B+

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

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Video Game Review #599: Ice Age: Scrat's Nutty Adventure

Ice Age: Scrat's Nutty Adventure

PlayStation 4

Before Playing:

This game, I tell you. I downloaded it on a whim a few weeks ago. My kid was really into Untitled Goose Game at the time. I wanted to see if he'd be interested in any other games once the fascination with that one wore off. I downloaded this game, along with Katamari and Bee Simulator. I didn't really give this game much thought. Of the three, I thought it would be the one he would be interested in the least. He doesn't really care much about Ice Age. Plus, I was worried it was going to be little more than a generic movie tie-in cash grab. These games are almost never good. Little did I know that this game would become such a big deal in my household.

My kid fell in love with this game immediately. The others, Katamari and Bee Simulator? He didn't care about them one bit. It was this game that he latched on to. In fact, to this day he still continues to play through this game, even though he's beaten all of the levels about five or six times now. He keeps cycling through it over and over again. He just loves it.

Because he loves it, I am also forced to love it. There are many parts of the game where he has handed me the controller because it is too hard for him. At first, I wasn't even going to review this game because it is more his game than mine. But then I ended up playing through the whole thing myself in order to get the platinum trophy.

Let's move onto the review. My five year old might like this game, but how do I feel about it? Let's find out!

Story:

I have to admit, I've never seen a single Ice Age movie. My kid has seen it before with his mom, but I've never seen it. I have no idea who Scrat or any of these other characters are. But good news is that I don't really need to know anything about Ice Age to enjoy this game.

Playing as the titular Scrat, you must travel to the four regions of the continent to reach these magical acorn thingies. Once you've collected them all, you return to the main hub and unlock the game's ending. All the acorns together summon a space ship, where Scrat is beamed aboard. He comes face to face with a thicc alien squirrel dominatrix. The game ends. The credits roll. I am moved to tears.

Gameplay:

I've read some reviews of this game online. I think most of them have missed the mark. "This game's too easy! It holds your hand too much. Too many checkpoints. Where's the challenge? It's too simplistic!" All of these criticisms make sense if you are an adult gamer coming into this game looking to be entertained. But this isn't Banjo-Kazooie. It's not Ratchet and Clank. This game isn't for "big people." It's for kids. It's supposed to be simple and easy. As me and my son were playing, I often referred to it in my mind as "Baby's First 3D Platformer," and that's exactly what this is!

You only have a couple moves you can pull off. You control your character with the left analog stick. The right stick controls the camera. X is for jumping and square is for attacking. You can hold L2 to aim a nut - which is your projectile weapon. Hitting R2 while aiming throws the nut. L1 makes you crawl. R1 is a roll maneuver. Play this game for five minutes and you'll get the hang of it very quickly. 

As you progress through the levels, you'll notice that you pass checkpoints that save the game after every 30 seconds or so of progress you make. You have unlimited lives. Every time you die, you come back to the checkpoint with full health. This makes the game very easy and accessible for small children. Just imagine if there were lives and continues. Or if you had to start the level over each time you die. My kid would have stopped playing on day one. So it's a good thing that this game is as easy and user friendly as it is. Whoever made this game definitely had small kids in mind when they made this. Like I said before, if you are an adult looking for something like Banjo-Kazooie or Mario 64, this game is not for you. 

Each of the game's four environments each have four stages within them. They are all very straightforward 3D platforming stages. You fight enemies, you collect gems and hidden secrets. You jump from ledge to ledge or platform to platform. You occasionally fight a boss character.

There also some light puzzles you'll encounter as you play. For example, you occasionally encounter locked doors that can only be opened by picking up "battery" acorns and putting them into charging sockets outside of the doors. There are also doors that can be unlocked by throwing acorns at various hidden symbols in the level. 

After you complete one of the game's areas, you unlock a special power. There are 3 in total. First is a double jump, followed by an ability to launch yourself through rings in the sky, followed by a telekinesis move that allows you to drag blocks around to make platforms you can jump on. You can use these moves to advance to new stages. You can also use them to revisit old stages and get items you missed. So there is a light "Metroidvania" twist to the gameplay.

If you are an experienced gamer, you can beat the game in one sitting. If you're a five-year-old, it may take you a week or so. Like I said, it's not a challenging game. But that's not really the point. "Baby's First 3D Platformer" is the point, remember?

The game's most glaring flaw is a wonky camera system. It was the hardest thing for my kid to get a handle on. The game is also glitchy AF. I lost count of the times I would randomly fall through the floor or a wall to my death. One time the character started walking on the ceiling and would fall painfully to the ground, only to be pulled back up the ceiling again. It was like he was being yo-yo'd up and down over and over again. We had to restart the game to fix this.

Aside from that, this is a perfectly playable game.

Graphics:

The game looks fairly decent. It can be a little bland and repetitive looking from time to time, but overall I think it looks good. The latter part of the game with the volcano and the dinosaurs is the most visually appealing part of the game. The earlier levels are the ones that look a little samey. There's a generic river area. A lot of ice caves and the snowy mountains that all blend together. Where the game stands out is in all the little details in the background. Sometimes you can see the bosses you are going to fight walking by on a ledge nearby. Other characters like bald eagles and big wooly mammoths will perch on the ledges and watch you as well. I assume they have some type of significance to the films, but like I said: I haven't seen 'em.

The cutscenes in the game are funny and very cinematic. My kiddo loves watching Scrat fall of cliffs and get into all kinds of precarious situations. I suppose I should also mention how the special stages (where you learn new abilities) look eerily similar to the stages in Immortals Fenyx Rising where you learn special abilities. This can't be a coincidence, can it?

Don't expect to see a wide variety of enemies as you play. You fight the same generic looking bugs and crabs the entire game. You should also be prepared to run into a ton of visual glitches along the way. Like walls disappearing, your character walking through a pile of rocks and falling to his death. That kind of thing. Overall, the game looks decent. I won't say it is the most beautiful game ever, or anything like that. It plays it safe most of the time. But it does what it sets out to do.

Sound:

I can't really say anything too bad about the game's sound. Scrat is the star of the show, with all the little noises and sounds he makes. The cutscenes always sound professionally done. The music in them (I assume) matches what you hear in the movies.

The stage music itself can be a little generic and underwhelming. It's very low key and it fades into the background fairly well. And I swear they use the same music for multiple stages. Nothing about it really stands out. It seems like they played it fairly safe here.

Overall:

I truly did not expect to enjoy this game as much as I did. I don't even know if it is because the game is even any good, or if it's because it brings me joy to watch my son get such a kick out of this. He really, really loves this game, and I feel his enthusiasm for it has rubbed off on me.

I just think you have to adjust your expectations coming into this. If you are more of a serious gamer, you're going to think this game is a piece of cake. But hey, at least it is an easy platinum trophy. So there's still incentive to keep playing. But you aren't going to get much out of this.

But playing it with a kid who is truly invested in it, and loves the crap out of this game changes my perspective on it immediately. This game wasn't really made for me. It was made for him. And it has been the perfect fit. And I love that. The game itself? Yeah, it's okay. I've probably gotten more out of this game than most adults out there have. I'm truly glad I got the chance to play this game, because I never would have otherwise. Out of other kid oriented titles like Bluey, Peppa Pig, or Geronimo Stilton, this is easily the best.

If you're a parent and you want to get your kid into gaming, I highly advise having them give this game a try. It won't only be fun for them, it will be fun for you, too. Baby's First 3D Platformer. Just remember that.

THE GRADE:

B+

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #598: Enslaved: Odyssey to the West

Enslaved: Odyssey to the West

PlayStation 3

Nostalgia Factor:

This is a game that has flown severely under the radar over the years. Most people reading this review have probably never heard of the game. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this is one of my least read reviews ever, because so many people will skip over it because they don't know what Enslaved is. I myself had never heard of the game back when I first played it. There was no hype. Nothing about it online or in the gaming magazines. I only played it because a friend kept recommending it to me, saying how excellent it was. I was like "ok, I will give it a try." This was back in 2010. 15 years ago.

I remember very little about my time with the game. I remember liking it. And that's about it. According to my trophy information on the PlayStation Network, I beat the game in three days. I guess you can't blame me for not being able to remember much about a game I played for three days over fifteen years ago.

So here I am, back to play Enslaved one more time. Would I still find the game to be enjoyable, or would I find that it is rightfully forgotten? Let's jump in.

Story:

I didn't expect such an involved story when I came into this. It is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the machines have taken over. The vibe is very similar to Horizon Zero Dawn. Lots of buildings overrun by vegetation. Animal-like robots stalking around. 

Things start aboard a slave ship, The main character, Monkey, is freed from his restraints when a mysterious red haired woman starts running around the ship and sabotaging things. The ship crashes, while Monkey and Trip escape together. Monkey is knocked unconscious during the attempt. When he wakes up, he finds that Trip has put a slave collar around his neck. He has to do what she says and make sure she stays alive, or the collar will detonate. She is demanding that he protect her and take her back to her family's settlement.

Although the tethered nature of the characters is the main gimmick of the game, and an important factor when it comes to the gameplay, it never really sat well with me. I understand she's got to do what she's got to do in order to survive, but enslaving someone with a death collar and forcing them to do your bidding is something that I never really agreed with. And as a result, I was never as fully invested in the story or seeing Trip succeed as I should have been. She was always kind of a villain in my eyes.

Anyway, Monkey escorts her back home, where she finds that her settlement has been wiped out by the machines. Since the machines like to take slaves, Trip and Monkey team up with a local soldier named Pigsy to take them down. Pigsy adds some Beyond Good and Evil vibes to the game to pair with those Horizon Zero Dawn vibes. The gameplay itself borrows from a few other gaming franchises as well, but we'll get to that in the next segment.

Gameplay:

This is a linear action/adventure game. It takes place from a behind-the-back perspective. You take control of Monkey, a very acrobatic man (to say the least). He can leap from ledge to ledge or hang from poles with ease. I don't think I've encountered someone who can climb and leap so effortlessly in a video game before.

You use a staff during combat. As you make your way through the game, Monkey can be leveled up. He can learn new attacks and new abilities. Learning how to shoot projectiles is important because these become a big part of combat as the game progresses. An important thing to remember is that you are tethered to Trip with your slave helmet thingy. She can scan ahead and show you what is to come in the level. Speaking of similarities to other series, Trip reminded me a bit of Aloy with her Focus. 

The story is split up into 14 chapters. Each chapter takes an hour or two to complete. Some even less than that. Just as the game's story and its setting takes inspiration from other well known franchises, its gameplay does as well. The fighting is similar to the PS2 God of War games. You have a heavy and a weak melee attack. Square, square, triangle is always the way to go. Don't be like me and forget that holding square initiates a charge attack that breaks enemy shields. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing against shielded enemies. I mainly saved my electric ranged weapon for them. But when I was out of that item, I was out of luck. I had to just keep attacking the shield while moving and hope I'd get lucky and hit the enemy from behind. I made the game unnecessarily harder for myself. Use the charge attack. Don't be like me.

The climbing and the parkour remind me of games such as Prince of Persia, Uncharted, or Assassin's Creed. But Monkey puts these other characters to shame. Nate Drake is a normal guy. Monkey is true to his namesake and he can flip and swing and climb with the greatest of ease. In fact, you don't really ever have to worry about falling or making a mistake. When climbing, I often just found myself pressing the direction I wanted to go, and then hitting x repeatedly. No precision is required. The game does it for you.

I guess that is one of my main criticisms of the game: no precision. It seems like this game cuts a lot of corners. The platforming and the climbing is so ridiculously forgiving. I would line up a terrible jump that I would miss in 9 out of 10 other games, but in this game I would land it. It's like the game is saying: "eh, close enough." Same with the combat and the hit detection. Just swing your staff in the area of the enemy. You'll probably hit something. Close enough! The frame rate can be choppy, but it never truly distracts from the experience of the game. Close enough! I really feel like the game developers got away with some of the most obvious half-assing I've ever seen in a good video game. I don't mean that as an insult or a bad thing, either. They wanted to give the player a fun, swift moving experience full of thrills and battles. If you want difficulty or precision controls, you've come to the wrong place. This game is all about delivering a fun experience. And I believe it succeeds in that regard.

Before we move, on, I want to point out that there are parts of the game that remind me of  classic 3D platformers. I swear one stage takes inspiration from Super Mario Sunshine. And there are others, like Jak and Daxter. Let's say you enter a big, open area full of glowing orbs. You can jump up on ledges or cliffs to collect them all. Walk off the beaten path and explore a bit. You can hop on a hoverboard and skim along open water, going up ramps and collecting items and making big jumps. These parts of the game reminded me sooo much of Jak and Daxter. I'd be shocked if that game wasn't a big influence on the people who made this game.

But really, this game borrows heavily from so many different things. Let's count:

God of War

Jak and Daxter

Horizon Zero Dawn

Prince of Persia

Uncharted

Assassin's Creed

Heavenly Sword

Beyond Good and Evil

Super Mario Sunshine

 

It sounds like a weird combination, but it works. It doesn't really do anything better than any of those games, but it is never not fun any step of the way.

Graphics/Sound:

The game looks and sounds "good enough." Notice a recurring theme here?

The frame rate can slow down. The game can get really shaky sometimes. Enslaved has perhaps more in common with a game from the PS1 or PS2 era than anything to come later. Things can look a little messy sometimes. But you know what? It still manages to look good at the same time. The characters look great. The environments are lush and visually appealing; reminiscent a bit of The Last of Us (oh crap, add another one to the list). I also think the big action sequences with all the robots and explosions and ships crashing and all that shit is very well done. 

It took me a while to recognize the actor who plays Monkey. I was looking at him closely and thinking to myself "who is that guy? I know him from somewhere." He yells a lot in this game, too. I knew the voice as well. I eventually looked on the internet and saw that it is Andy Serkis. I should have known. It looks like him. It sounds like him. I should have recognized that Caesar screaming voice immediately.

The sound effects and music fit the aesthetic of the game perfectly. I can't say anything really stood out as far as the music, though. It's just kind of generic adventure music. If you played some music and blindfolded me, I wouldn't be able to pick this game's music out of a lineup. But I don't really care. It was good enough.

Overall:

This is a quirky but entertaining little game. It's not long. You can beat it in twelve hours or so. But I think it is well worth the experience. It's fun. It's cinematic. It's got a lot of exciting action. A bright and vibrant setting. An interesting story. Good combat. Things to collect. Just an extremely varied gameplay experience. That being said, there is something about this game that doesn't seem to really stick with me. 

I had fun with this game when I first played it 15 years ago. But I walked away from it remembering nothing at all. It was like sitting through a solid, entertaining, but ultimately brainless blockbuster action movie. You enjoy it but don't really take anything away from it. I feel like the same thing is going to happen this time, too. Ask me about Enslaved in 15 years and I'm going to be like "uhh, that game was fun. I think." The character building between Monkey and Trip is fine, but it is no Joel and Ellie relationship. I think I was supposed to care and have an emotional response when Trip finally returns home, but finds it has been attacked. But I didn't. I liked watching the story, but I was not emotionally invested at all. And don't get me started on Pigsy. I hated this character. He is the worst thing about the game. I could have done without him.

All that being said, I would absolutely recommend this game to anyone who has not played it. I really enjoyed it. It's fast paced, it moves back and forth between action and exploration sequences smoothly, and it is addicting to play. I enjoyed the combat, and I did not want to put the controller down until I had cleared each area. I think the story could have done slightly better for me, but I won't hold that against it too much. I enjoyed the gameplay and I found it fun to play, and that's all that really matters for me.

THE GRADE:

B

(a little better than just "good enough" to me)

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