Video Game Review #568: Loaded

Loaded

Sega Saturn

Nostalgia Factor:

Nobody talks about Loaded these days, but I remember this game being a big deal when it was first released. It was all over the gaming magazines. One video game magazine in particular (the name of it eludes me) had an article on the game that must have been about 15 or 20 pages long. I remember reading every single word of that mammoth article, and thinking to myself: wow! I have to play this game. The only problem was that it was a PlayStation game, and I only had a Saturn at the time.

A year or so later, a version of Loaded hit the Saturn. The Saturn was always late to the party. I went out and rented this game. I don't remember much about my time with it aside from the basics. It was a shooter. It was very gory and over the top. It was difficult. It had a heavy metal soundtrack. I had fun with it. That's really all I remembered about the game. In fact, the thing that stuck out to me the most was the song "RSVP". I think it was the first time I had ever heard that phrase before.

Now that I have a Retropie and I know how to emulate games, I've been taking this opportunity to revisit a bunch of childhood games that I haven't had the chance to play in 30 plus years. Loaded is one of those games. Time to give it a shot and see if it as fun as I remember.

Story:

This is one of those games where you have to own the instruction manual if you want to get anything out of the story. Nothing is explained in-game. There are cutscenes, yeah. But do they tell you what's going on? No. Instead, the game begins with a typical 90s CGI scene where it is just the characters walking around, shooting, and doing non-sequitur things while upbeat music plays. When the song ends, the title screen pops up. That's about all you get for an in-game story.

You can kind of figure out what is going on through context clues. You have a choice of six different characters, each one looking crazy AF. You've got a weird clown, a muscular man in a mask and a tutu, a Harley Quinn wannabe, etc. When you pick your character, you find yourself in a futuristic mental hospital or prison complex. As the game progresses, your character breaks out and boards a starship which takes him to another world. This is never explained in-game, but your character is in pursuit of "FUB" - a villainous megalomaniac who is responsible for you being locked up. Once you find him and get your revenge, the game ends.

I probably don't have all the details 100% correct. I am only going off what the game tells me. I'm sure if you read the manual or look at the Wikipedia page for this game, it will give you a better plot summary. But like I've said many times throughout the history of this blog: I don't do my research. I review games based on what the game tells me. Which, in the case of Loaded, is not much.

Gameplay:

Chaos reigns supreme in this game. It's a shooter that takes place from the overhead perspective. Everywhere you look, there are enemies. Stages that take place indoors are much more manageable than the outdoor stages. In the indoor stages, enemies don't respawn. You can slowly and methodically clear your way through these levels. That's really the way to go when you are playing this game. If you just rush into a room full of enemies with guns blazing, you are going to find yourself dead, fast. In outdoor stages (and even some underground ones), you are constantly being bum rushed by creatures like wolves and spiders. They seem to spawn endlessly. I found that the slow and methodical approach doesn't work here. Best bet is just running through as quick as you can, occasionally taking the time to finish off any enemies that are following you.

The game starts with a choice of six characters. They all have different stats. I remember this game being difficult when I was a kid, so I made sure to pick someone with good defensive numbers. I ended up picking the rabid clown. Other characters are faster, but have a weaker defense. Other characters have stronger weapons, but less mobility. It's all a trade off. I picked the character I thought would work best for me and I rolled with it.

When the game starts, you have two basic weapons: your default weapon and a screen-clearing special weapon. As you make your way through the game, you will find power upgrades that make your default weapon rangier and more powerful. If you die, your weapon goes back to its weakest level. And you'll probably be dying a lot in this game. Other item pick ups include ammo, special bombs, health upgrades, and extra lives. I've heard this game compared to Gauntlet in the past. While I have played Gauntlet, it was a looooong time ago (I'm talking 1980s). I can't really confirm if these comparisons are accurate or not.

Most stages consists of a simple goal: find the level exit. Other stages have you collecting hidden items scattered throughout the level (like gas containers to fuel your ship) and then finding the level exit. Some stages are super long. Others can be beaten in minutes. There are 15 stages in total. The maps are pretty big. I always took my time to fully explore them. Well, not always. I tended to rush through the levels with the endlessly spawning enemies. They are super annoying, and honestly the worst thing about this entire game.

This game can be beaten in a day or two. It is difficult and you die a lot, but luckily the game is fairly generous with its health items and its extra lives. You also get five continues. So regardless of your skill level, you should be able to beat the game.... given you've picked the right character. After I beat the game with the clown, I came back and gave the tutu guy a try. Let's just say it didn't go well. He has a flamethrower as his default weapon, and the range on that thing is terrible. I died and had to use a continue on the first level with this guy, when I didn't even die at all when using the clown. So finding a character that works for you is definitely key here.

One comparison I have to make is to Doom. This game almost feels like a Doom title, but from an overhead perspective instead of first person. The levels are maze-like, you have to find red, blue, green, and yellow key cards to unlock new areas, the action is chaotic, the heavy metal music is always booming, and there are enemies everywhere. My main criticisms are: the repetitive nature of the game, the levels with constantly spawning enemies, and the fact that you can't really see too far ahead of you when you are walking around. Oftentimes enemies pop up and deal damage to you before you can even react to them. You can zoom out a little bit, but that doesn't do much in terms of visibility. The only thing that helps is constantly firing your weapons ahead of you when you walk. But even that strategy has its setbacks, as your ammo supply in this game is finite.

Graphics:

This game may not look like much by today's standards, but back in 1996 it looked fantastic. The thing that stood out to me the most was the lighting effects. Dark hallways will light up green when you fire a green weapon. Explosions cast light on the environment. Enemies explode in chunks of gore, and their remains stay on the ground for you to walk over. You can even destroy most things in the enviroment.

The characters don't look like much. The stages often look same-ish. There are pixels and jagged edges everywhere you look. Everything looks kind of dirty and sloppily designed. But in a way it adds to the "grungey" feel of the game.

Maybe it is not the most pretty game of all time, but at no point did I feel like my enjoyment was hindered by the game's graphical fidelity.

Sound:

The music is one of the highlights of this game. Each stage has a techno-futuristic track attached to it. Most of these songs sound like something you'd hear in a Wipeout game. Other stages have more of a fast paced, metal soundtrack, like a Doom game. Other stages have actual songs with lyrics in them. My personal favorite is still the RSVP song. Crazy that this is the thing I remembered the most about the game after 30 years had passed.

The sound effects are good, too, but they don't really stand out much. The music steals the show here.

Here is a short 3-song playlist of some of my favorite tracks from the game:

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8Sdr_u0PmxiYuI6yvQkUu1uGIkSvmjTZ&si=LmcU4GGh4fuUb-dz

Overall:

This is a tough one for me. I liked the game. I had fun with it. I definitely consider it to be an integral part of gaming history. But it does have its flaws. And can I recommend it to others? I don't know. I feel as if people that have no history with the game won't be able to appreciate it like I do. This game is nearly a perfect encapsulation of "you had to be there."

It's definitely an above average game. It has a lot going for it. So I can't in good conscience give it anything in the C range. But at the same time, I can't see myself giving it anything much higher than that. A score of B- will have to suffice.

Hopefully another 30 years doesn't pass before I decide to revisit its sequel, Re-Loaded. I have a story to tell about that one. Until next time!

THE GRADE:

B-

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Video Game Review #567: Super Mario Galaxy 2

Super Mario Galaxy 2

Nintendo Wii

Nostalgia Factor:

I played through the original Super Mario Galaxy about 8 months ago. I really enjoyed my time with that game, and I knew I was going to have to play its sequel at some point in the near future. Now, I have played through both of these games before, but that was back in the year 2011. So it's been a hot minute.

I didn't remember much about Mario Galaxy 2 coming into it. 14 years is a long gap between playthroughs. My only memories of the game were vague. I remember liking it. I remember it being similar to the first Mario Galaxy. But that's about it.

Most critics seem to think that the second game is better, but I have no recollection of feeling the same way. Time to see if I agree. Let's dive in!

Story:

I don't remember much at all about this game's story, and I just finished playing it a few days ago. Something to do with Bowser capturing the Princess again, and Mario has to rescue her. Yada yada. The first Galaxy game definitely had a more interesting story. But you know what? That's totally okay. Stories don't really matter in Mario games, unless you are playing the RPGs. No one remembers anything about the story in Mario 3, and it is considered one of the best Mario games ever made. The same applies to this game.

Gameplay:

Like I said, it's been 8 months since I've played the original Mario Galaxy. I am probably remembering things incorrectly, but I don't think this game is much different from the original? Maybe if I had played them back to back, I would be able to spot more clear differences. But this seems like a lot more of the same to me, which is a good thing. I really liked the first game and I gave it an A when I reviewed it.

The control scheme is the same. The whole "planet based" gameplay is the same. The object of the game (collecting power stars and unlocking new levels) is pretty much the same. But there are some major differences.

The obvious difference is in the game's hub world. There is not much of a hub world here. In the first Galaxy, the hub world was like Mario 64, where you would walk around and try to uncover the next level set. In this game, you go back to a giant Mario-head starship when you collect a power star, but you could completely ignore it and not explore anything and you'd be completely fine. In this game, stage selection takes place on a "path" similar to the map in Mario 3. That's not entirely accurate a representation, but I am not quite sure how else to describe it. You have six different galaxies. Each one is filled with different planets (which represent the game's stages). Each planet only has 1 or 2 hidden power stars, as opposed to the last game where they had like 5 or 6. So you are getting to explore a LOT more planets and stages in this game. 

You need to collect a certain amount of power stars before you can unlock the next part of the galaxy map and move onto the next collection of planets. At the end of each galaxy is a Bowser stage that ends in a boss battle. Defeat Bowser, and you move onto the next galaxy. Like I said, there are six galaxies in total. Beating the game unlocks an optional seventh galaxy filled with extra tough stages.

As you progress throughout the game, you'll collect comet tokens hidden throughout the worlds. You don't really know what they do at first, but when you get deeper into the game, you'll notice that they unlock hidden power stars in previous stages. So this incentives returning to old stages you've already mastered in order to explore them one last time for a bonus star. Most of these comet star stages involve tasks you've already completed - but with extra challenges attached to them. These challenges include a time limit, hidden purple coins to collect, and beating the stage without getting hit.

Another major change in this game is the addition of Yoshi. Using Yoshi, you must use his tongue to eat things. He also floats in the air for a second or two when you hold down the jump button. The game introduces a ton of new Mario outfits, too. It seems like every other planet, they are throwing something new at you that you haven't seen before. Like I said, the core gameplay and the whole purpose of the game hasn't changed much. There's just more this time around. More worlds, more stars, more outfits, more secrets. Plus the ability to ride Yoshi or play as Luigi.

I also feel as if the game is a bit tougher than the original. I was rarely challenged in the original Galaxy game. It seemed like each power star only took me a couple minutes to collect, and I rarely if ever would lose a life. In this game, I completely ran out of lives several times. Some stages took me 5, 10, 15 attempts before I could pass it. While I still would not say this is a hard game, it is definitely more challenging than the original.

Graphics:

This is a bright, colorful, and fun-looking game. It definitely encompasses everything you'd look for in a Mario game. I like the stage variety, and how many throwbacks there are to old Mario games. The Mario 64-inspired stage in particular was a real treat to play through. Does the game look better than the original Galaxy? Uhhhhh, maybe? Like I said, I played the old game eight months ago. To me, it looks pretty much the same. But maybe if I were to compare them side by side, I would find that this game looks better. I'm too lazy to do that, though. Some reviewer I am.

Sound:

The game sounds great. Not only is the original music awesome, but all the returning musical numbers sound better than ever. During the Bowser stages they use a remixed version of the Bowser stages from Mario 64, and it sounds terrific. Really hit me in the feels. Of course, the classic underground Mario theme returns, as does stage music from Mario 64. I also really like the "introduction" music from each stage, where it shows you where the power star is hidden. And I also like the music when you collect a star. All around, the game sounds great. 

If I had to make one complaint, it would be regarding all the little noises Mario makes. "Wah, hoo, wah!" constantly. I didn't even notice it at first, because it is so burned into my brain. But my wife was in the room with me while I was playing this, and she pointed out how annoying it was. I couldn't unhear it after she pointed it out.

Overall:

This is a great game. I feel the same way about it that I do the original Mario Galaxy. Which game is better? I suppose it's all a matter of preference. I know the popular sentiment is that this game is much better, but I had an equally good time with both games. I think I might have to give the slight edge to the original Galaxy, but that might only be because I played it first. If I had played this one first, my opinion might be the complete opposite.

Regardless, this is a terrific game. If you have any affinity towards Mario or even platform games in general, this is something that you need to play, stat. It is almost as good as you can get. Almost.

THE GRADE:

A

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VHS Tape #14: Mixed, Jumbled, Confused, Shaken It's a Record Tape!

I don't know what I was thinking when I came up with that title. I must really be bored, I watched this whole tape in 2 days.

(0:00:00)

Home Delivery. A burned and deformed young black girl has a makeover for her 13th birthday and meets her grandma who has now decided to be a part of her life

COPS

 - Mexican guy enters a woman's house and tries to steal the TV. He lies and says that he knows her father and has been there a hundred thousand times before. He claims he was just moving the TV to the other room.

Mad TV

 - Crazy redhead woman comes to a homeless shelter to entertain with improv comedy. She fails and makes a giant fool of herself, especially when she destroys the table full of food.

Around the Horn. This is the very end of an episode. Michael Smith talks about NBA players who are donating money for every point they score to tsunami victims.

PTI. The guys talk about Ashlee Simpson singing horribly at halftime of some game and getting booed. She is dissed and called a fraud.

MAD TV

 - Oprah Winfrey skit. The crazy blonde girl with gloves is interviewed and embarrasses her family. She also has a stroke on air.

 - Short skit with Nicole Richie and Saddam Hussein hanging out in a bunker

(23:16)

Crank Yankers

 - Radio station calls a 7-11 and asks the woman to yell out that she peed in the Slurpee machine to win a prize

 - Black guy calls a flower shop and asks the lady who answers to put a long and sexually inappropriate message on the card. She gets offended and fights with the guy before hanging up.

 - Man calls adult video store to ask about penis pumps. The mom keeps picking up the phone and the caller asks the store employee to play along and pretend he's ordering a pizza

 - Denis Leary calls someone about a rampaging monkey that's attacking him

Jay Leno clip where Harland Williams talks to an Asian family and follows them around for the day. The tape gets shitty about halfway through this but it only lasts for this little segment.

Crank Yankers

 - Special Ed calls a computer store and keeps yelling I got mail!!! Yay!!!

Hey Spring of Trivia

 - Basketball was once played with 50 players on each team

 - Japanese samurai stuffs his whole fist into his mouth

Hilton Griswold clip. Hilton and three other guys are up on a stage singing.

Hey Spring of Trivia (cont)

 - When a pill bug hits a wall it will always turn right and then left

 - In Utah, a tied election is decided by the roll of a dice

 - Natto thread can be extended 38 feet

(1:02:26) 

MXC. Novelty vs Death. There is no Babaganoosh in this episode :(

 - Wet Spot

 - Circle Jerkers Ahoy

 - Elimination Idol

 - Wall Bangers

Reno 911. This is the episode where the cops try to win passes to an execution. They set up a point system for arrests where whoever has the highest score wins. There are clips from this episode on my second recorded VHS tape, but this is the full episode.

Surreal Life clip. Jane Wiedlin and Adrianne Curry go skinny dipping. Verne Troyer comes out and shows his ass and gets shitfaced. Chyna snores and is compared to Chewbacca from Star Wars. Verne comes out on his scooter naked late at night and pees in the corner. At the end, there is a preview of the season.

(1:48:58)

COPS

 - Little kid tells the police how a man put a knife to her throat and tried to take her as she was coming home from school. The police investigate but don't find anything.

 - Cops are called to a pizza shop where a black couple is complaining that they want their money back. The store owner doesn't want to give it back just because they changed their mind but he does anyway just to get them out of there. 

Randy Moss moons the crowd at Lambeau field after scoring a playoff touchdown. The Vikings complain about Joe Buck calling it a "disgusting act."

AFV

 - Old lady tricked by doorbell ringing and no one is outside

 - Kid dances around while playing a video game

 - Man is giddy after getting an Oakland Raiders helmet for a present

 - Clown frightens children

 - Kid cries and is ecstatic over a present he gets. Looks like Pokemon cards or something.

 - Sledding man wipes out

 - Two kids fall asleep on the toilet while pooping

 - Guinea pigs ears react to shouting

 - Someone on a sled goes under a parked car

 - Ugly bird pecks at a man

 - Dog licks window

 - Clips featuring elaborate ways to pour milk

MXC. Organ Donors vs Addicts. I have some of this episode on Tape #4 but this is the full thing. Also, this episode does not contain a Babaganoosh, like the last one on this tape. So sad!

 - Mud Butlers

 - Dash to Death

*in commercials there is a cartoon skit from Jay Leno mocking George W Bush*

MXC (cont)

 - Rotating Surfboard of Death

*Jay Leno's Headlines in the commercials*

MXC (cont)

 - Brass Balls

 - Pole Riders

 

(2:25:41)

The people of PTI talk about Richard Hatch's tax evasion 

Crank Yankers

 - Woman complains to a video store that there was a porn movie in the wrong case and she showed it to a group of kids

 - Guy calls a company looking for a job and burps into the phone

 - Old guy calls sex hotline and asks the woman to make animal noises and celebrity impressions

 - Black guy who is about to go to jail calls karate class and wants to learn how to defend himself

Mad TV

 - Lowered Expectations. Woman barks like a dog.

 - Man with eye patch and a group of ninjas try to take over Swan's nail salon but she escapes and kills him.

 

(2:47:08)

American Idol 4 episode 2. St Louis auditions

 - 3 blonde girls sing and Simon calls them fat

 - Seacrest throws out first pitch at a Cardinals game

 - Montage of terrible singers

 - Nikko Smith's audition

 - Bouncy black woman who is a music teacher sings and makes it through

 - Weird looking white chick sings horribly. Paula tells her she could be a rat voice in a cartoon.

 - Cruise ship singer with lots of supporters is denied. He is full of himself and doesn't take rejection well

 - Montage of people singing Rolling on the River

 - Aa'shia Jackson. Small black girl who sings in a chipmunk voice. They say yes and she storms out and acts all crazy for the camera

 - Funny looking black guy who says he sounds like Brian McKnight. He sucks... bad.

 - Carrie Underwood audition

 - Student of the black teacher (she went earlier) auditions and is denied. The woman freaks out and has a breakdown when she learns the news.

 - 2 geeky white guys, Dirk and Adam become good friends in the waiting room and both sing. They are horrible.

COPS

 - Drug dealer and prostitute arrested at Mardi Gras trying to make deals with two Navy guys

 

The movie "Se7en" is discussed on I Love the 90's

(3:34:14)

MXC. Malcontents vs Baked Goods

 - Bust A Nut

 - Bird Droppings

 - Irritable Bowl Syndrome

 - Log Drop. Paula Babaganoosh is the last contestant.

COPS

 - Black man is shot and put into the back of an ambulance. He calls it the amber lamps just like from the epic beard man clip.

Snoop Dogg interviewed on Jay Leno. This is just the tail end of the interview. Snoop talks about going back to Africa to discover himself and that's it.

Home Delivery. Young goth chick and her little baby son (who she also dresses up the same way) are made over.

Celebrity Justice. Richard Hatch's tax evasion is discussed.

(4:13:25) 

Conan O'Brien. Rick O'Cassick and Triumph present an award for song of the year

Jimmy Kimmel. Michael Jackson's bizarro #1 fan goes out onto the streets of NY and talks to people. He camps out in front of a CD store so he can be the first to get his box set. He also carries a little Michael Jackson puppet around with him.

 COPS

 - Older white man drives through spike strips while trying to run from the cops. He stops shortly after and is arrested. He is extremely belligerent and cusses out the cops.

 - Drug stings where dealers are arrested. One of the guys tries to swallow all his drugs. Another one tries to run but doesn't get very far.

Discovery Health special about a woman with a 160 pound tumor, and the doctors who are planning to remove it.

*in the commercials it cuts to the Dave Chappelle show. This is a skit educating kids about VD, crabs, and herpes*

Discovery Health special (cont). The successful surgery is chronicled.

*Dave Chappelle Black Bush skit in commercials*

Conclusion of Discovery Health special. The woman returns home after surgery.

(5:18:00)

Crank Yankers

 - Man at a hotel is called and told that he was being charged for Siegfried and Roy tickets

 - Man calls to complain about a bathroom attendant who he saw eating his poop

 - Video game playing black guy calls about a job and the guy who answers says odd things and hits on him. He gets pissed and hangs up

 - Girl calls a chef for cooking advice and asks inappropriate sex questions instead

 - Teacher calls a museum to ask about a field trip and asks about inappropriate questions

 - Parent calls to complain saying that she found a ceramic wiener in with her daughter's things

Surreal Life. They visit a ranch and ride horses. Verne is unable to ride because of his size. Adrianne brands a calf. They camp out and Verne is afraid. At the end they all have a heart to heart around the campfire. 

Blue Collar TV. Redneck guys go to a Japanese restaurant named Benihana and learn how to cook hibachi.

Discovery Health special about fetus in fetu. In other words, a deformed baby that grows inside another baby. Gross! The family of the boy who had it pulled out of him is interviewed.

END OF TAPE

VHS Archive:

Introduction: VHS Tapes and Me

VHS Tape #0: Howard Stern Tape

Funny Mix #1

Funny Cable Tape (2)

Rudy Boesch Mix (3)

Funny Tape (4)

The Ultimate Rupert Boneham Mix (5)

Are You Ready? (6)

Mixed Tape #7

Matteo Tape (8)

Funny If You're a Pothead (9)

John Tape (10)

Funny Mix #11

Crazy Tape of Psychos (12)

Funny Mix #13

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #566: The Amazing Spider-Man

The Amazing Spider-Man

Game Boy

Before playing:

I am not sure if anyone has noticed, but in recent weeks I have been trying to make each of my game reviews unique to a specific console. I've reviewed an Atari 2600 game, an NES game, a Genesis game, a Super NES game, a PC game, a Sega CD game, a 32X game, etc. I was not sure what I was going to pick for my Game Boy game, though. I never had a Game Boy growing up, and to be honest with you, I am not too familiar with the system's library.

I finally decided to settle on The Amazing Spider-Man. I figured this would be a relatively quick and easy playthrough. Plus, I like Spider-Man. How could this go wrong?

I'll tell you how it could go wrong: I played the game. I hate to say it, but this one was rough. I suppose it's time to dive in.

Story:

This game has an unintentionally hilarious storyline. Mary Jane has been taken by the Sinister 6. You have to play through a series of stages, each one capped by a boss battle against one of the 6. At the start of each stage, the villain and Spider-Man exchange insults over walkie talkie. These conversations are so corny. I couldn't help but just shake my head.

"Don't worry about me, dome brain! I'll be in your face so fast, it'll pop your plexi!"  

Gameplay:

It was bound to happen eventually: I played a bad Game Boy game. I've gotten pretty lucky so far. I never grew up with a Game Boy, and I generally look down on it like it is some primitive thing. I normally come into a Game Boy game expecting it to be terrible, and then it ends up being a pleasant surprise. I run into a few stinkers from time to time, like Blaster Master Boy and Mulan, but like I said: mostly have been pretty lucky with my selections. No such luck here. This is a bad game, and there is no way around it.

I wanted to like it. I like Spider-Man. I like platformers. I'm open to Game Boy games, despite their limitations. This just isn't any good. The controls are jank. The hit detection is jank. It's unfairly difficult. It doesn't look good. It's just not any fun to play.

The game consists of six platforming stages, each one ending in a boss fight. The stages themselves are very basic. Walk left to right, punching enemies, jumping over obstacles, and trying to avoid getting killed. You can use webs as a projectile weapon, and you can also use them to swing overhead. When your web meter runs out, you can't use webs anymore. Luckily, the game is filled with power ups you can use to fill this meter.

Spider-Man moves very slowly. He's in no rush to take out the bad guys. It's hard to avoid getting hit sometimes. The game is very conservative with its health items. You have to play defensively because if you run out of lives (3) and continues (5), you have to go all the way back to the beginning of the game. And like I said, this is a very tough game. Enemies come at you with little to no warning. The hit detection is so bad, I often took damage just trying to get close enough to punch him. This is especially bad with some of the boss battles.

The controls are clunky as all hell. I'm still not exactly sure what it is that makes my character high jump. I think it is holding the d-pad up and to a diagonal direction, but sometimes it would work and sometimes it would not. There was seemingly no rhyme or reason to things. Same with the web slinger. I don't know how many times I would jump up and fail to get Spider-Man to swing from the roof. It just randomly decided when it would work and when it would not. This led to a TON of frustrating moments, especially when you have to swing over bottomless pits. I lost so many lives this way. I barely scraped my way through the game using save states, and I needed every life and every continue I could get.

Every once in a while you'll encounter a vertical scrolling stage. Spider-Man climbs up a building and must punch enemies that are hanging out in the windows. You must also avoid falling pieces of furniture and birds. The hit detection again is a major pain here, especially when trying to punch the guys in the window. It's almost like you have to get right on top of them to hit them, and then you take damage. It's not even worth it. I just avoided everyone and everything - which is still extremely hard to do.

At the end of the game, I was just fucking glad it was over. This is one of the worst and most frustrating gaming experiences I've had in a long time - and this is coming off the heels of my Virtua Fighter for 32X review. As much as I didn't like that game, I didn't actively hate it and have a terrible time with it to the extent I did with this one. It just wasn't for me. This game is just inexcusably frustrating and bad. To me, that makes it worse.

Graphics:

This is one of the worst looking games I've played. I know the Game Boy can do much, much better. I've played Contra and the Mario Land games. This is terrible in comparison. The characters look nothing like the characters in the comic. If you squint you can see Spider-Man sometimes. Otherwise he mainly looks like one of those terrible wrestler costumes you see in the movie when Peter Parker is still learning to be Spider-Man.

The stages are repetitive and boring looking. Lots of sewers and city streets. Lots of rooftops. Zzz... Maybe it would be more tolerable if the enemies and items looked better. But they don't.

Sound:

Nothing special, but nothing offensive either. This is probably the only category where the game is not a complete and total failure.

Overall:

This is one of those cases where my curiosity got the better of me. I was better off not playing this game. I didn't like it. It added nothing to my day. It was a complete waste of time. I can't even wax nostalgic over this game, as it is not something I played as a kid. I think if I had played this as a kid, I still wouldn't have liked it. It's just not a good game.

Feels weird to give back to back games an F, but it must be done. I've been going too easy on crappy games over the last ten years since I started this blog. I need to let these games, myself, and my readers know that this is not a game you need to play. I repeat: this is not a game you need to play. Even if you are curious. Even if you review games and were just looking for a quick Game Boy game to play through and review. This is not a game you need to play. Stay away.

THE GRADE:

F

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

VHS Tape #13: Funny Mix #13

Funny Mix #13

(couldn't think of anything witty to title this)

(00:00:00) 

COPS

 - Crazy drugged up gay black man breaks into a woman's house and trashes it while running from a gang of assailants

 - Police find a marijuana garden in the middle of a forest. The plants are ripped out and airlifted away.

 - Cops introduce a drug sniffing dog named Cowboy to an elementary school. Cowboy is then put to work that night and searches two cars and finds drugs. "Dat's a good boy!!"

 - Drunk white guy is pulled over and does not realize he has a joint tucked behind his ear

 - Fat, old, Arab man with a turban on is arrested for beating his wife. She doesn't speak any English and is eccentric when the police arrive

Eye popping black man on Ripley's Believe it or Not

Conan O'Brien New Years 2005 special. Conan, Max, Triumph, and Joel reflect on their resolutions from last year. Okay, so we now have a time frame for when this was recorded.

(00:34:01)

COPS - Mardi Gras episode

 - Crowd control and fights are broken up. Also, a man is accused of throwing a bottle at the police but they let him go because no one saw it for sure

 - Drunken, stupid white guy is arrested for stealing beer

 - Man arrested for peeing in the street, and his buddy is arrested for trying to block the police while the guy is urinating

 - Group of unruly drunk white guys is arrested for picking random fights

 - Man is arrested for touching another man's sister uninvited

 - Another man arrested for peeing in the street. This one is Canadian and talks with a funny accent. "I told ya!"

 - Another fight broken up after 2 guys try to feel up some dude's girlfriend. Some random black guy is tackled and arrested while all of this is going on but we never really find out what that was all about

 - Dorky white guy arrested in a club for putting roofies in people's drinks

 - Unruly man in a Sammy Sosa jersey is arrested for fighting and spits at the police

MXC. Electronic games vs Footwear

 - Spare Me

 - Sinkers and Floaters

 - Chum in the Mouth

 - Boulder Dash. Falujah Babaganoosh in this segment.

(1:20:57)

MXC. Organized Crime vs Diet

 - Dead Man Walking

 - Runaway Stump

 - Little Man in Boat

 - Tumbling Dominoes of Doom. Dr Hador Babaganoosh is the last contestant. 

MXC. Sex For Hire vs Amusement Park

 - Hosin' the Ho's

 - Eat Shitake

 - Brass Balls

 - Sinkers & Floaters. Flag Babaganoosh is first to go in this segment

 

COPS

 - Black man tries to speed away from the cops, but is chased and leads the cops to his sister's house. He has weed in the car, and he claims he was scared and just trying to get home.

 - Another giant outdoor marijuana bust. More plants are airlifted out. So sad.

 - Crazy black man at a restaurant. This clip is insane! It's what COPS is all about. This dude is sitting at a table making karate gestures in the air with his hands and talking nonsense. He's out of his mind drugged up or on something. The cops mace him and it has no effect, he continues to drink his beer. He moves into the bathroom while the police continue to mace him. Eventually he's wrestled down and arrested.

Crank Yankers

 - Man calls in to audition center to be a contestant in a game to be Spike Lee's first white friend

 - Woman calls a doctor wanting to know if he will look at her and sign a certificate that she's a virgin

 - Man calls barber shop and complains when he finds out a woman will be cutting his hair and not a man

 - Thuggish guy calls in looking for a job, and jokes around with the guy who answers. They talk about jail time and Vietnam.

(2:23:46)

Gary Busey runs out of stands at a UCLA/Oklahoma State football game and dances with the cheerleaders

AFV

 - Woman with a mask on is videotaped giving a foot massage and gets angry

 - Old woman's boob comes out in a swimming pool

 - Old man staggers and falls down backward, knocking over a TV

 - Man hit in crotch with bowling ball

 - Man kicked facefirst into mud while working in garden

 - Clips involving balloons

 - Cuckoo clock doesn't stop making sound

 - Angry screaming kid in bath tub. "Wash my body!!!!!"

 - Boy throws baseball bat and it hits someone in head

 - Funny faced skydivers

 - Person falls off saucer while trying to sled down steps

 - Horse does funny dance while getting sprayed down

 - Dog plays in water fountain

 - Cat getting vacuumed

 - Baby falling asleep sitting up

 - Dog jumps and pulls clothes off a wire

 - 3 naked babies stand facing the bathtub

 - Funny camel clips

 - People falling montage with Pee Wee's Big Adventure music

 - Lady drives away from gas station with gas nozzle and hose still in her gas tank

 - Bizarre screaming man in a chair

 - Baby pees on nurse 

COPS

 - Crazy white homeless man assaults a guy and beats him with a stick and then lies and said he was being harassed.

MXC. Meat vs Cartoon Voice Overs. I couldn't find the babaganoosh in this episode :(

 - Sinkers & Floaters

 - Log Drop

 - Wall Buggers

*in the commercials it cuts to funny cat clips from the Animal Planet

MXC (cont)

 - Boulder Dash

 

(2:59:21)

VH1 Best Reality Show Moments. Lots of Survivor people comment, such as Jeff Probst, Jenna Lewis, Johnny Fairplay, Kelly Wiglesworth, Gervase Peterson, Ethan Zohn, Jenna Morasca, Heidi Strobel, Dave Johnson, Alex Bell, and Shawna from Amazon. Man Troll, Nathan, and Dr Will from Big Brother also comment.

 - Ruben vs Clay Aiken in American Idol 2

 - Pagong eats rats on Survivor

 - Nerdy man and woman get fixed up on Extreme Makeover and hook up afterword

 - Johnny Fairplay dead grandma lie

 - Gary Coleman breaks down on a Surreal Life restaurant episode. Vanilla Ice tries to force him to say "Whatchu talkin bout Willis?" and he refuses.

 - Temptation Island - woman cheats on boyfriend on island. In retaliation, man stripteases in front of group of women.

 - Johnny Knoxville inseminates a cow on Jackass

 - Woman has extreme reaction after being made over on the Swan. She then wins the Swan pageant

 - The Osbournes fight with their loud neighbors

 - Screech beats up Horshack on Celebrity Boxing

 - Survivor Amazon - Jenna and Heidi get naked for peanut butter (tape messes up for this segment, go figure)

 - Players have to eat African cave dwelling spiders on Fear Factor

 - Dave and Amanda have the sex on Big Brother 4

 - Black guy on Real World slaps a white chick

 - Woman admits she used to date Fabio on the Average Joe

 - Joe Millionaire big reveal is made

 - The host of Cheaters is stabbed while confronting an angry cheating boyfriend

 - Omarosa fired on the Apprentice

 - William Hung auditions on American Idol

 - Woman cheats on her boyfriend on America's Next Top Model

 - Justin Timberlake Punk'd. The repo men come to his house and start taking his things because of alleged back taxes.

 - Sue's famous snakes and rats speech on Survivor

(3:43:03)

COPS. Alaskan episode

 - Suicidal dude shoots at people and is arrested by the police

 - Police dog takes down woman in a padded suit for training

 - Crazy Alaskan woman calls police and says there is a ghost in her house. The cops play along and pretend that they captured the ghost to make the woman happy.

 - Man talks to the police after getting beat up by a group of people

 - Cops confront and take in another suicidal man

 

Mr Bean Clip. He speaks! This is just a short clip, and not very funny. It ends quickly.

COPS

 - Man stabbed while with his family at a gas station. Police calm down the family and give the little daughter a doll. The stabbers are tracked down and arrested.

(4:07:48)

Surreal Life. This is the season with Christopher Knight, Chyna, Da Brat, Adrianne Curry, Verne Troyer, and others. This is the episode where they are forced to watch over little children. There are flashbacks to the first episode where Verne gets drunk and comes out naked on his cart and pees in the corner. At the end of the episode, Chyna runs around late at night and acts crazy while everyone is sleeping.

Full House clip - Uncle Jessie and a group of friends sing and dance in the living room

COPS

 - Another suicidal guy. This guy is goofy. He ate about 20 or 30 cough drops and 12 aspirin and says he wants to die because the planet is a stinkhole and he hates it. He says he is pissed he is still alive.

 - Police storm a house that has an illegal brewery and pot plants growing in it 

Celebrity Fit Club clip - Ralphie May jumps into the pool

American Idol 4 premiere from Washington DC. Mark McGrath cohosts

 - Fat black woman sings National Anthem

 - Previews of some of the auditions this season

(4:51:09)

Biggest Loser - clip from the finale 

American Idol (cont)

 - Smiley youth pastor makes it through

 - Fat black woman sings YMCA

 - Gay guy sings "You Raise Me Up" and forgets the words. At the end of the audition he cries and walks out before the judges can even say anything

 - Clips of contestants forgetting lyrics

Another clip from the Biggest Loser finale

American Idol (cont)

 - Anwar's audition

 - Fat chick who says she dresses like she has a lot of money gets rejected

Another clip from the Biggest Loser finale

 American Idol (cont)

 - Weirdo gay black guy sings terribly

 - America the Beautiful montage

 - Black lady who sells all her possessions so she can come audition for Idol. Her unsupportive white husband comes along and is brought into the room when the judges say yes

 

More Biggest Loser shit. Maurice's recap is shown here

American Idol (cont)

 - Sarah Mather audition

 

Biggest Loser - Dave is announced as the winner

American Idol (cont)

 - Weird black man in purple who sings a really long note

 - Constantine Maroulis audition

 - 2 crazy white chicks are rejected

 - Bad people montage

 - Homeless black street performer rejected. WTF he was good

 - Travis Tucker audition

 - Nerdy fat red headed woman sings Hanky Panky song and is denied

 - Blonde chick sings horribly

 - Seacrest tells Constantine's band that Constantine is leaving for Idol

 - Weird guy with a headband that says 5.9% sings Papa Was a Rolling Stone in many different voices and sucks

 - Mentally deranged blonde woman sings I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet and is horrible. She thinks she did great, however. "Not too shabby!" She is a real dope.

 

END OF TAPE

VHS Archive:

Introduction: VHS Tapes and Me

VHS Tape #0: Howard Stern Tape

Funny Mix #1

Funny Cable Tape (2)

Rudy Boesch Mix (3)

Funny Tape (4)

The Ultimate Rupert Boneham Mix (5)

Are You Ready? (6)

Mixed Tape #7

Matteo Tape (8)

Funny If You're a Pothead (9)

John Tape (10)

Funny Mix #11

Crazy Tape of Psychos (12)

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video game Review #565: Virtua Fighter

Virtua Fighter

Sega 32X

Nostalgia Factor:

I remember the day the 32X went on sale for 25 dollars at my local Toys 'R Us. This was before the internet. I only became aware of it because I happened to be thumbing through the newspaper ads that morning. My jaw nearly hit the floor. 25 dollars??? The 32X had cost well over 100 dollars before, which is a big reason why I had never bought one. But for 25 dollars? I just had to go get one. As an added bonus, it came bundled with Virtua Fighter.

I took the 32X home and quickly got it set up. It didn't work for shit. I was barely able to get Virtua Fighter to play. When I was finally able to get it working, I remember being thoroughly unimpressed. I had never been a big Virtua Fighter fan to begin with. I had already played it for the Saturn and for the arcade, and both times I had come away from the game feeling: meh.

It's funny, because all of the gaming magazines at the time had heaped praise on Virtua Fighter and its 3D polygonal graphics. I didn't understand the hype. I thought it was bland and blocky looking. I remember feeling the same way about Star Fox when I had first seen it. To me, this style of graphics was shit. Not the shit. Just shit.

I don't know how much time I spent playing the 32X version of this game, but I can't imagine it was a lot. I'm talking, like one or two times - and that's not an exaggeration.

So as you can probably tell, I am not optimistic I am going to like this game here in the year 2025. To be honest with you, I'm only playing this because it's in my backlog and I want to run through it so I can (in turn) never play it again. Let's see how this goes.

Story:

I'm pretty sure that none of the Virtua Fighter games have stories, especially the first one. It's just a bunch of random fighters participating in a tournament. You want to make it to the end and beat the mysterious Dural in the final round. I think other versions of this game have short animated cutscenes when you beat the game (or maybe I am thinking of the sequels?), but this one doesn't. Beat the game and the credits just start rolling. 

Gameplay:

Sigh.

I can see why people like this game, but it has just never been for me. You only have one standard punch and kick attack. You use button presses on the directional pad to initiate a special attack. Think something like "down, forward, punch" in Street Fighter. Or "forward, forward, kick." You get the idea. Instead of launching a fireball or a spear, your character begins a kick or punch attack, which is dependent on the character you choose. For example, if you pick Akira, you can throw a powerful elbow attack or a double kick attack with these button combinations. If you choose another fighter, these combinations may result in a different attack. Regardless, this attack can do major damage to your enemy if it lands. This game is based on real life martial arts: countering, attacking, and performing combos. There's no fireballs or fatalities here. The only exception is when your character jumps. For some reason, it is like you are fighting on the moon and there is little or no gravity. Your character leaps 15 feet into the air and falls back to the ground in slow motion. It's weird.

I'm not a big fan of fighting games in general, much less tactical ones like this that are based on real life martial arts. I find it boring, and I don't have the patience to master the strategies I need to win these fights. Most of the time I play this game, it winds up in me button mashing or just spamming the same attacks over and over again. Would you define that as fun? I wouldn't.

Now, I would not say I hate every Virtua Fighter game out there. I will admit that they for the most part get progressively better as the series goes on. But this first game is rough. I played this for barely even a half hour before I decided I'd seen enough. Looking back on my memories of playing this when I was a kid, it seems my reaction was similar back then. I didn't like it when it first came out and I certainly don't like it now.

Graphics:

It's been ages since I have played either the Saturn or the arcade versions of this game, so I may be off on this comparison. But this game looks exactly as I remember the other versions looking. I don't know if that's a condemnation of the Saturn or praise for the 32X. Same blocky characters, same empty looking backgrounds and arenas. The character animations are fairly smooth, which is probably why this game was so lauded back in the 90s. But like I said, I've never been a big fan of this kind of graphical style. To me, it looked primitive then and it for sure looks primitive now.

If I had to point out a positive, it would be that some of the backgrounds look okay, such as the sunset stage and the city lights stage. And I always remember being fascinated by Dural when I was a kid.

Sound:

The music is fine. A few of the stage songs came back to me when I was playing through the game. Not really standout tracks, but good enough for this crappy game. The sound effects are solid whops and thwops. Makes a good smacking sound when you land an attack. I also like the chiming sound it makes when you make a menu selection. I can hear that anywhere and immediately recognize it as Virtua Fighter.

Overall:

The only good thing I can say about this game is that I am glad I never have to play it again. Seriously. Not a fan. I could never figure out why people liked the OG Virtua Fighter. All the magazines and game critics were so nuts about it at the time. Yet every time I tried playing this game, whether it was for the arcade, the Saturn, or the 32X, I hated it. Like I said, I did not like it when I was a kid and I do not like it now.

I guess it is time for me to take my revenge. All those video game magazines and game reviewers trying to gaslight me into thinking Virtua Fighter was a good game: fuck you. It sucks, and I am glad I can finally get this off my chest. As a result, I am giving the game the score it deserves.

THE GRADE:

F

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

The Beatdown Part Four: Ranking every podcast in my current rotation from best to worst!

Here we are for the 4th year in a row: my annual podcast ranking! What started in 2022 has become a yearly thing for me. I write down all the podcasts in my current rotation and I rank them all from best to worst. This year there are 18 of them. This ranking is always my most popular and most viewed entry of my blog each year. I've even had podcasters mention my ranking on their shows before, which is wild to me. Surprisingly, no one has gotten upset (that I know of) regarding any negative comments or constructive criticisms I've made, which is equally wild to me considering the overly touchy nature of people on the Internet these days. Maybe I can get some more shout outs in 2025! Or maybe I can finally make someone break down and cry. 

*evil laugh*

But seriously, everything I say is with 100% honesty and I mean no ill intent whatsoever. This is supposed to be a fun thing. Let's go ahead and get started.

#1:

The Retro Blast Podcast

Hosted by Patrick and Jay

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new #1 on our ranking. Not only is this podcast my new #1, it is a completely new addition to the ranking in general. I just started listening to it in 2024, a few months ago. 

Why do I like this podcast so much? Why is it better than the other retro gaming podcasts on my list? Many reasons. One reason is because the podcast strictly covers retro gaming. It doesn't deviate from this course. No modern games. No movies. The first half hour of each podcast isn't "what have I been up to lately?" or other off-topic points of discussion. You fire up an episode. Let's say it's about Super Mario RPG. The entire episode is about Super Mario RPG. It stays on point and doesn't get sidetracked like so many of the other podcasts I listen to. It dives into the history of the game, any nostalgic feelings the hosts may have about the game from when they were kids, and then it dives into the gameplay mechanics, the plot, and if the game is any fun to play today. It's to the point, it's professional. The hosts aren't trying too hard to be funny, outrageous, or entertaining. They are just there to talk games. And it is a thing of beauty.

Another thing I liked about the podcast is my shared experience with the hosts. Based on the way they talk about things (like renting games at Blockbuster and saving up allowance money for games) I am guessing they are about the same age as me. I was born in 1982 for reference. Often times they will say things that ring true for me. In particular, their thoughts on Pokemon. They talked about being too old for the series when it first came out, and how they haven't played any games in the series.... except for Pokemon Snap, which they rented at Blockbuster. Aside from that game, they have no experience with Pokemon. This is wild, because it is almost the exact same experience I had. 

Pokemon comes out when I am in high school. I kind of turn my nose up towards it, thinking it's a "little kid" game. I rent Pokemon Snap for one weekend because there is nothing else to rent. I enjoy it, but I never play a Pokemon game again. Beat for beat, I had the exact same experience growing up as these hosts did. And this is only one small example. I've found my thoughts and experiences perfectly aligning with theirs on multiple occasions.

If I ever start a podcast, and I plan to someday, I would model much of it after The Retro Blast. It is everything I've ever looked for in a retro gaming podcast. The only downside to this pod is that it is only 46 episodes long, and I've already listened to approximately half of them. It may not even be on my ranking next year.

Last episode played: Resident Evil REmake

Next episode in line: Donkey Kong Country

#2:

Staff Picks

Hosted by Mario Lanza

The king has been dethroned. Staff Picks has reigned supreme at #1 in these rankings the last two years. Now it has to settle for #2. I blame voter fatigue, as voters didn't want to see Nikola Jokic win a third MVP in a row, so they gave it to Joel Embiid.

But really, there is nothing negative I can say about Staff Picks. I like it for many of the reasons I like The RetroBlast so much: it stays on subject. Each episode is a dedicated deep dive of the movie in the episode description. No long introductions, no side tangents. Mario and his cohost of the day don't make the entire podcast about themselves. You can tell that this podcast is created with passion and with love for the source material, and it shines through every step of the way.

If I had to offer a reason as to why this isn't #1 again (aside from The Retro Blast being awesome), it is because I have started to catch up to the podcast in real time. As a result, I am taking my time and savoring it instead of plowing through episode after episode. I am not listening to as many episodes as I have in the past, which is a partial reason for its slight dip in the ranking. I listen to 2 or 3 a month, at most.

Last episode played: Exam

Next episode in line: Used Cars

 

#3:

Fantasy Football Happy Hour 

with Matthew Berry

Talk about a meteoric rise. This podcast finished at a lowly #9 in last year's ranking, and now it has risen all the way to #3. Part of the reason for its rise is because of the fall of the other fantasy football podcast in my rotation (Dynasty Happy Hour, which appears to have permanently closed its doors). Now that its competition has been vanquished, Matthew Berry's show has now become my go-to fantasy football podcast.

I mentioned in my review last year that this show had "too much content". I no longer find that to be the case. Every once in a while, especially during the NFL season, I will fall behind and have to skip some episodes. But for the most part I've done a great job keeping up. I've really gotten to know Matthew and his cohosts. Maybe not on a personal level, but on an "entertainer" level. I know what I'm going to get every episode when I turn this on: big personalities joking around, having a good time, and giving their well-informed (and sometimes ill-informed) fantasy opinions. Yes, I'm still bitter about investing in Ride or Die Kyler Murray in one of my dynasty leagues.

This is one of those podcasts I can put on anytime, anywhere, and know that I am going to have a great time listening to it. Other podcasts, I feel I need to really focus on. This one, I can listen to when babysitting, when driving, when out for walks, when shopping, when doing pretty much anything. The information always seems to penetrate the fog. 

In the past year I have listened to more Fantasy Football Happy Hour episodes than any other podcast out there. In fact, if you took #1 and #2 on this list and combined them, I probably still have listened to more episodes of this podcast. By sheer volume, it has smashed itself up the gut and into a high position on my podcast rotation ranking.  

I should mention: because DHH is gone now, I have a new dynasty podcast I started listening to called The FF Dynasty. I am interested to see if it will surpass Fantasy Football Happy Hour at some point. More on that podcast later in my ranking.

Last episode played: Cam Ward, Shedeur Sanders, Jalen Milroe Expectations + Ashton Jeanty leads loaded RB Draft Class

Next episode in line: Key QB and WR News + NFL Combine Winners and Losers

#4:

The Cartridge Club

Hosted by P1 and P2

Here is another riser in the ranks. This came in at #7 last year, and is up to #4 now. This is one of the OGs in my podcast rotation. I've always enjoyed the "Game of the Month" format, but what I have been listening to mainly the last year or two are the weekly episodes. These weekly episodes don't talk about any game in particular, they mainly focus on current gen gaming announcements, what the hosts have been playing, and activity within the club.

My original plan was to skip these episodes, as the weekly shows took place from 2016 to 2018 and are basically ancient history at this point. But I decided to check them out. It's been a long road (there are 90 weekly episodes) but I have finally managed to power my way through them. The weekly episodes are now firmly in my rear view mirror.

During that time, I developed a newfound appreciation for the club and its founders: P1 and P2. They put a lot of hard work and dedication into building up the club and making it as popular as it was in its heyday. I can't help but appreciate what they did. I no longer think these episodes are "ancient history" that I should have skipped over. They represent a very important time capsule in gaming and podcasting history. And honestly, 2018 isn't even THAT long ago. It's funny to think, it was only two years before the birth of my son, who is almost five now.

Now that the weekly episodes are over, the hosts have decided to "retire" and step away, citing burn out. Plus P1 was getting deployed, so it was a convenient time for him to step away. This would allow other members of the club to come in and host the monthly episodes. In 2025, this is still how the club operates, with a rotation. Still no P1 or P2, although they have made sporadic guest appearances.

I find myself very sad that they have left the club. I mean, this is still a great podcast, but I felt a real kinship with those two hosts. Funny, because they have absolutely no idea who I am. I was never a member of the club back then. But I am going to miss listening to these guys' banter with one another. I'll miss Patrick Swayze. I'll miss P1's extreme opinions on things - some of which I agreed with and some of which I did not. I'll miss P2 directing things and making sure to ask everyone questions and get them involved. And I'll miss their laughs!

Now that I am done with all 90 of the weekly episodes, I imagine I'll start catching up to the podcast in real time much quicker. All there are are monthly episodes and the occasional portable or bonus episode to listen to. I can't wait to see where things go from here. I'm going to give a shout out to Curtiss as well because I feel he is an awesome host.

Last episode played: CC Portable #12: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

Next episode in line: CC Monthly #57: Halo: Combat Evolved

#5:

The Retrograde: A Video Game Podcast

Hosted by Andrew Bascom and Mikey Ehrenworth

This is one of the OGs of my podcast rotation. I've been listening to it from the very beginning. Four years now of having these guys in my ears. How have I managed to stay sane?

At #5, this is the lowest that this podcast has ever come in on my list before. It's always ranked 2nd or 3rd. Why the drop off to #5?

I'm not sure. The podcast hasn't really changed much or done anything too drastically different. I feel like maybe the hosts are starting to get to me? How are they so high energy all the time? How have they managed to keep this up? In all seriousness, I think a major reason for the stumble in the rankings is because you can tell the hosts just don't have the reverence for retro games that other podcasts in my rotation do. It often seems they are more interested in telling jokes and entertaining the listener than anything else. That said, I still consider this to be one of the "easiest listens" in my podcast rotation. I just wonder if their schtick, after four years, has finally started to tire out with me. It also seems like they've begun to "sell out" a little bit, with a separate podcast and extra content only available to Patreon backers. Recently, they've removed the gameplay segments from their episodes and have put them behind a paywall. Phooey to that.

This is still one of my favorites, as evidenced by its high ranking. But it is no longer one of my go-tos. In fact, my listening has gone way down. In the past I'd listen to 6 or 7 episodes a month. Now it is down to about 2 or 3 at the max.

Hopefully, I start to listen to more episodes and this becomes a valued member of my rotation once again. I have faith that it will.

Last episode played: Yoshi (NES) 30th Anniversary Retro Review feat. Barry Carenza

Next episode in line: Rival Turf! (SNES) Retro Review

#6:

Collateral Gaming Video Game Podcast

Hosted by Ashley Chancellor, Megan Gomez, and Zachary Guillot

I feel like I am betraying my dawg Ashley Chancellor by bumping this podcast down two spots in the ranking. It has finished at #4 for three years in a row. Now, it drops to #6. Why the decline?

This is an OG podcast that I've been listening to since the very beginning, when I first started listening to podcasts. It used to be a regular part of my rotation, starting from the beginning and working my way toward present day, I'd listen to a few episodes a week. But now that I am all caught up in real time, it feels like there is not much content being released lately. The quality of the pod itself hasn't changed. It's still great. It's just that there is nothing to listen to. I think there's been one episode released in the last month or so, and only four episodes released in 2025 so far.

Another reason for the decline is that it seems there has been an increased focus on newer games. I mean, some recent episodes have talked about Super Metroid and Ocarina of Time, so they haven't completely been ignoring retro games. But it does seem like newer games have been getting more love. I don't have a PS5 and don't plan to get one anytime soon. I also have zero interest in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney. There seems to be a lot of episodes focused around this franchise.

I still believe in this podcast and I still believe in Ashley Chancellor. Since I released my ranking last year, we've become Facebook friends. It seems we share a ton in common, from our offbeat sense of humor to our love of memes to our shared appreciation for many gentlemanly things. He also has a child who is approximately my son's age as well. I feel a certain kinship to him that I can't explain. This probably sounds really creepy. I don't mean it to be weird. *cough* Okay, I think this would be a good time to mention I am straight. But seriously, I think you are good peoples and if I we knew each other in real life I have no doubt we'd be best buds.

Last episode played: Episode 50 (Part 1): Super Metroid

Next episode in line: Whatever is released next, probably Episode 50 (Part 2) of the Super Metroid review

#7:

Arcade Attack

Hosted by Keith, Adrian, Dillon, and Rob

This podcast has also suffered a slight dip in the rankings. Not much, though. It only drops from #6 to #7. If anything, I actually feel stronger about this podcast than I did last year. I was going back and forth between this and Collateral Gaming for the #6 spot. Collateral Gaming squeaked by, by the skin of their teeth.

I'm going to harp on the same thing I harp on every year: the interview episodes. I always feel this podcast is at its best when it is the group of friends hanging out and discussing the topic of the episode. Whether it is a single game, a game genre, games from a specific console, or some type of ranking related episode - these episodes are always top notch. These guys really do their research, and their banter is always enjoyable to listen to. I can't help but feel a little jealous about their friend circle and how they've grown up so close to one another, sharing their loves of games with each other. If the interview episodes didn't exist, this podcast may rank higher on my list. It certainly would have supplanted Collateral Gaming for the #6 spot. But I can't pretend they don't exist.

Why don't I like the interview episodes? I just find them dull. Well, you may say: just skip over them. I can't! The completionist/OCD part of me does not allow me to skip over episodes. I absolutely must listen to them, and in chronological order, too. It's why I didn't skip the Cartridge Club weekly episodes, and it is why I don't skip the Phoenix Wright Collateral Gaming episodes. It's a fatal flaw of mine. I just have to listen to them, or I feel I am leaving unfinished business behind and I can't move on.

I've never been too interested in behind the scenes stuff. I don't watch extras or listen to commentary tracks on DVDs. I don't care about Stephen King's writing process. I don't care why or how things were made. I care about the final product. These interview episodes always really bring me down. They kill the momentum of the show. I'll listen to two or three great episodes in a row and then BAM, here comes an interview episode to trudge through. In fact: the next two episodes on my playlist are actually interview episodes. 

Don't let my hatred of the interview episodes bring the pod down, though. As I said, when it is clicking it is a great podcast. It stands up there with the very best of them.

Last episode played: The 25 Best N64 Games

Next episode in line: Arcade Attack Bonus Stage - Ryan Rebalkin Interview

#8:

The Losers Club

Hosted by Randall Colburn, Dan Caffrey, McKenzie and Justin Gerber, and more!

This is another OG podcast in my rotation. It is making its fourth appearance in four years. While this podcast did not move up in the ranking (it was #8 last year as well), I feel that my opinion on it has improved drastically. I used to allow myself to be irritated by how often this podcast would stray from the path of the beam. What I want them to do is read and review each King book in chronological order, as well as watch and review each movie adaptation in order. Then when they are done, move onto the next King project. This podcast does that, kind of, but they go off on a LOT of detours. Entire episodes about his tweets, entire episodes about rumors of adaptations they've been hearing about, entire episodes interviewing people who have worked on King projects before, and entire episodes about fan casting for future adaptations of his works. I even recently listened to an episode called "The Science of Stephen King." This podcast also keeps up on King's work in real time. So it will go from a review of The Dead Zone in one episode of the chronological read-through, to an episode about, say, If It Bleeds. It's a little jarring. 

I've been trying to listen to this in tandem with the Stephen King Cast. For example, listen to the episodes on The Shining book and movie, then go over to the King Cast and listen to their episodes on The Shining. All the extra content and bonus episodes have made this hard to do. Months can pass before I am able to move onto the next episode of the King Cast because I'm stuck listening to all the side content this podcast puts out.

I used to think that this killed the momentum of the podcast, but all these detours have started to grow on me. Where I started to really get hooked was in the re-review of the 90s Stand miniseries, in preparation for the Paramount Plus Stand series. I loved every second of it. I also loved the episode by episode analysis of the new Stand show. I actually skipped ahead to listen to it, which is something I rarely allow myself to do. 

This podcast doesn't pull any punches. They aren't blindly devoted to Sai King. They don't worship every book or adaptation out there. If something sucks, they'll totally call it out for sucking.

This is also a podcast that is infinitely easy to listen to. It's become one of my go-tos for when I am running around and doing things on my days off. It's become a comfort podcast for me. I think the fact that there are so many episodes plays a part in this. I don't have to worry about taking my time. I can listen, listen, listen and I will still be very far behind. And it's awesome. I can't wait to keep listening. I wonder how far I'll be a year from now.

Last episode played: The Green Mile Pt. 2

Next episode in line: Frank Darabont's The Green Mile

#9:

Sega Saturn, Shiro

Hosted by Patrick and Saturn Dave

My opinion of this podcast has been improving dramatically in recent months. It's always been a fringe member of my podcast rotation. I've considered dropping it from my rotation completely a few times now. It's never ranked very high on my list. #9 still isn't too high of a ranking, but let's ignore that. 9 is just a number. I'm really beginning to come around to this podcast - and it is due to what I see as a conscious effort by the hosts to put out better content.

This podcast has become what I wanted it to be when I first started listening to it: a love letter to the Saturn and its games. A place where the hosts reminisce about their gaming memories and what the Saturn means to them. A place where I can get recommendations for some obscure games I may not have played or heard of before. The Editor's Corner episodes have given me what I wanted. The music episodes have given me what I wanted. The podcast is no longer about soldering, weird peripherals, and technical mumbo jumbo. In the early days of the pod, it seems like every episode was bogged down by this kind of thing. That's what almost made me give up on it. But now it is giving me the kind of content I want to listen to, and more.

I recently listened to an episode titled "My Gaming Story" and it is one of the best podcast episodes I've ever listened to. It made me want to make an episode talking about my gaming story, and I am not even a podcaster. But as I said in my Retro Blast review, I plan to start a pod someday. This episode is definitely going to be an inspiration to me in my future endeavors.

I still skip the weekly episodes. I know I said I am an OCD completionist who has to listen to EVERY episode in a podcast to get maximum enjoyment out of it, but for some reason that doesn't apply here. I feel totally okay skipping these weekly episodes. I can't explain how my brain works the way it does. It just does.

Last episode played: BONUS: My Gaming Story Part 1

Next episode in line: Editor's Corner: Ep 16 - Gaming Nostalgia, OCD, and Addiction

#10:

The FF Dynasty

Hosted by Casey and other cohosts

Here is the other fantasy football podcast I mentioned earlier. As I said, I have only recently started listening to this podcast, only because Dynasty Happy Hour was Thanos snapped out of existence. I don't really know much about the host or the cohosts. I have yet to have formed any real opinion on them. I like the sheer number of episodes out there. There is an absolute ton of content to go through. 

What I like most is that each episode pumps some type of dynasty football information directly into my brain. Whether it is some obscure stat or some talk of college production, it really makes me feel like I am going to be well informed going into my two dynasty drafts this coming summer. Another reason I liked this podcast: it is very focused on the task at hand, which is dynasty fantasy football. It doesn't try to be funny. No one is putting on an act. They don't wildly veer off topic all the time. This bodes quite well for the podcast. Don't be surprised to see this higher on the list next year. The only reason it does not rank higher is because it is so new to my rotation.

Last episode played: 2025 NFL Combine Reaction - Skyrocketing Risers and Plummeting Fallers

Next episode in line: Dynasty Rookie Mock Draft - Post NFL Combine

#11:

The 7th Rule: A Star Trek Podcast

Hosted by Cirroc Lofton and Ryan T Husk

Wow, the 7th Rule has dropped from #5 all the way down to #11 on my list. That's quite the fall. It is not because the podcast has done anything wrong. It is because the quality of its competition has gotten much more stiff. Okay, and maybe because the honeymoon phase has worn off just a little bit.

But before we get too far, I want to give a shout out to one of my favorite podcast moments of all time: when Denise emotionally thanks everyone at the end of her season 1 run during the TNG episodes. I am not someone who likes to show emotion but this moment had me in tears listening to it. It is one of the most heartfelt things I've listened to, and I truly felt like I was blessed to be listening to it, even though it was not live and it had been recorded over a year ago. A great moment in the history of podcasts.

One gripe I have is that I often feel like they don't do a good job at recapping the episodes. I feel like a more chronological look through the events of the episode would be beneficial. Maybe a scene by scene breakdown. Oftentimes they jump right in and start talking about their favorite moment. A lot of times there is an interview with someone who has worked on the episode. It just assumes you've watched the episode before listening to the pod. Sometimes I will listen to an entire episode and still not know which episode they are talking about (and I've seen every episode in the past). But maybe that's the point of the show. Maybe I'm supposed to be watching the episode first, and then listening to the podcast to gain extra insight. But I don't have time for all that.

I'm trying to catch up to this show in real time, but it has been tough sledding. I need to pick up the pace. I'm almost exactly one year behind. The last episode I listened to was from March of 2024. Once I do catch up (whenever that is), I then plan to go back to the beginning and start listening to all the episodes with Aron Eisenberg in them. I started the podcast at the start of the TNG viewing with Denise. This was well after Aron's death. I'm very excited to hear his thoughts on the show, although it will be very sad when I get to the part of the podcast where he dies.

Before I move onto my next podcast, I also want to say that I have changed my mind on the limerick for each episode. I remember saying in my last entry that I did not like them. But they are growing on me and they are part of each episode I look forward to the most. Oh, and "Jake Sisko Guesses the IMDB Score". I like that, too. But why "Jake Sisko" and not Cirroc? Anyway, back to the limericks. When I got to episode 265, there was a big emotional moment from one of the panel, who happened to be the author of the limericks. It made me feel super bad for criticizing this person and the limericks. I hope the limericks never stop coming.

Last episode played: T7R #267 "The Vengeance Factor"

Next episode in line: T7R #269 "The Defector"

I'm skipping over the Walter Koenig TOS episodes. I don't care about TOS at the moment.

#12:

Collateral Cinema

Hosted by Beau Maddox, Robert Ortegon, and Ashley Chancellor

This year, Collateral Cinema hovers around the same spot in the ranking it did in last year's ranking. It's not at the bottom. In fact, it is not even close to the bottom. But it just doesn't make its way into my upper echelon of podcasts. I can't figure out why. I love the hosts. They seem like a bunch of dudes I'd hang out with and play games with, while passing a doobie around with. I think it simply boils down to their taste in movies. I have a significantly different taste from the episodes that are covered here. I feel like I've seen a very low percentage of the movies they cover. I don't like anime. I've never seen any Takashi Miike movies. They talk about a lot of indie movies and low budget horror movies. Also a lot of bad movies. Foodfight, Master of Disguise, Freddie Got Fingered (although they say this movie is actually good, which is the first time I've ever heard that). I haven't seen any of these movies. Frantic Knife? What's that? Zombie Honeymoon? Never heard of it. What the hell is Fateful Findings? The list goes on and on. 

I do appreciate their love of classic horror, like Friday the 13th and Halloween. I really loved the Night of the Living Dead episode, which I listened to recently. I just hope we get to a point where they start covering more movies I like. Heck, I'd settle for more movies I've even heard of. I have no doubt that this will rise in the ranks if it does. 

Last episode played: Episode 45: Monty Python's Life of Brian

Next episode in line: Holiday Special w/ Victims and Villains: Silent Night, Deadly Knight

#13:

Stephen King Cast

Hosted by Constant Reader

This podcast comes in at #13 for the second year in a row. It actually counts as finishing a little higher, though, because there are 18 podcasts in the mix this year, whereas there were only 14 last year. So by staying the same at #13, it's moved up 4 spots.

I have really come to appreciate Constant Reader and his solo podcast. As I said, I am listening to The Losers Club as well. I am trying to listen to them both, synced up in chronological King order. It's been hard to do, as The Losers Club has so many more additional episodes to listen to. But It's always a treat when I get around to an episode of the good ol' King Cast. I've also been filling my time by skipping ahead in the podcast and listening to the "Ending" episodes of the books I've already heard him talk about.

If I could shake Constant Reader's hand, I would. He is doing great work out here. I have also listened to the Losers Club episode where he has a guest appearance, and I was so thrilled that the crossover event of the century was finally happening. It was like worlds were colliding over here. Hopefully 2025 brings me more opportunity to listen to more Stephen King Cast episodes.

Last episode played: Episode 70: Rose Madder

Next episode in line: Episode 71: The Green Mile

#14:

Retrovaniacs

Hosted by a bunch of Jeremys

Retrovaniacs gets the shaft a little bit here, as it comes in at only #14. I don't think this ranking is indicative of the quality of the podcast it is. I say it gets the shaft only because I just started listening to it. I've only listened to 10 episodes so far. I really like what I've heard, but it hasn't quite worked its way into my upper tier of podcasts yet. That said, I think that this is a podcast that will only go up with time. It has everything I look for in a gaming podcast. It's fairly focused on the game in the episode title, which is a complaint I often have with other podcasts. Looking through the episode list, there are a ton of games on there I am familiar with, even if I haven't played all of them. It definitely passes the eye test.

I wish I could say something about the hosts, but honestly I am not remembering much, other than that there are often multiple Jeremys on the show. There's main Jeremy and then there is a Jeremy who is not on every episode. I still have to familiarize myself with everyone, I think. Good thing I still have 208 more episodes to listen to. That gives me plenty of time.

Last episode played: Episode 10: Super Mario Maker (Wii U)

Next episode in line: Episode 11: Haunting Starring Polterguy

#15:

PSR: House of the Dragon

Hosted by Mike Bloom, Josh Wigler, Grace Leeder, and Rob Cesternino

I always like to have a Post Show Recaps series in my rotation at all times. I had recently finished the Killing Eve PSR (why did it abruptly stop right after season 4 started?) and was looking to add a new one to my rotation. I couldn't decide between this, White Lotus, the OG Game of Thrones, or Better Call Saul. I ended up settling on this. I had recently binged seasons 1 and 2 of House of the Dragon, and I figured this would be a great podcast to point out anything I may have missed, and get me ready for season 3.

Each episode of the actual show has several podcast episodes associated with it. A recap from right after the episode airs, an episode comparing it to the correlating episode from the original Game of Thrones, an episode for book readers, an another recap episode after we've had a few days to process the show. Four podcast episodes for one episode of television is a bit too much for me, so I only listen to the two recap episodes.

I absolutely love all the hosts. Who would have thought, when I first watched Survivor Amazon back in 2002, that 23 years later I would be listening to the funny young guy who raised Matthew von Ertfelda as his Jedi apprentice break down episodes of a TV show about fire breathing dragons and lineage of a royal crown?

While I like the podcast, it ranks so low on my list because I am still very early in the pod. I'm only up to season 1 episode 4 with the recaps. I still have a long ways to go. Plus, for whatever reason, I don't seem to be getting much out of these episodes. They aren't talking about anything I didn't know already. I'm not hearing a lot of extra insight, and I'm not hearing them talk about anything I might have missed when watching. There hasn't been any "ooooooh!" moments.

I'll continue listening, and I'm sure I'll end up enjoying the podcast. Like I said, I'm still pretty early in it. 

Last episode played: Rob and Josh Discuss Season 1, Episode 4

Next episode in line: Season 1, Episode 5 Recap: "We Light the Way"

#16:

Unsolved Mysteries

Hosted by Steve French

This is a podcast that I wish I liked more. I always enjoy having a good true crime podcast in my rotation. Unfortunately, a lot of them just haven't been cutting it for me. I've tried listening to Serial Killers and The Lost Boys of Hannibal in the past, and I ended up quitting on both of them. I like Unsolved Mysteries significantly more, and I won't be quitting on it, but I still feel it leaves a lot to be desired.

I wish it was more like the show. I always come away from the show feeling like I watched something that really taxed my mind and made me think. But the podcast episodes seem much more cut and dry. Aside from the random supernatural/UFO/ghost episodes, most episodes consist of "this person killed this person. The killer is now on the run. Contact the police if you spot them." To me, if you know who the killer is, that is not an unsolved mystery. There aren't enough true unsolved mysteries on this podcast, where you don't know who did it, or why. I enjoy episodes that completely leave your head spinning, where you feel like you want to get up off the couch and do some detective work yourself. This podcast is lacking in these types of episodes. Maybe it gets better later. I'm willing to stick it out and see.

Last episode played: Pets and the Afterlife

Next episode in line: Highway Homicide

#17:

Retronauts

Hosted by Jeremy Parish and Bob Mackey

I've only listened to about three episodes of this podcast, which is why it comes in so low on my ranking. Apparently, this podcast has been in operation for a VERY long time. Podbean shows 700 episodes to me, and this is not even going all the way back to the beginning of the podcast. The first few episodes available are Micro Episode 19 and Season 4, Episode 46. So this podcast goes even father back, probably closer to 800 episodes. 

Since there are so many episodes, I know I am never going to be able to listen to all of them. This is the one podcast I am not listening to in order. I just pick an episode title that looks interesting and I listen to that episode. By this time next year, I'll probably have this much higher on my ranking.

Last episode played: Micro 21: Rolling Thunder

Next episode in line: It's not the next episode chronologically, but I have the Ico/Shadow of the Colossus episode downloaded on my phone next

#18:

Ear Biscuits

Hosted by Rhett and Link

Poor Ear Biscuits just can't seem to pull itself up out of the bottom of my list. Every year it consistently ranks last or close to last. I think I've been listening for three years now, and I am only on episode 51. I'm not even averaging 20 episodes listened to per year. Yikes. As this podcast is currently 482 episodes long, I predict I'll be fully caught up by the year 2500. 

I'm not sure why I struggle so much with this podcast, as I love Rhett and Link. When I first started listening to this, I thought for sure it would skyrocket to the top of my list, but it hasn't. I think it is because the first 100 episodes or so of the show focus less on Rhett and Link and more on other Youtubers who were big back in 2013/14. Yes, I am just realizing now how old this podcast is. 

Most of these episodes consist of interviews. If you've read my Arcade Attack and Sega Saturn Shiro write ups, you will realize I am not the biggest fan of interview episodes. And that's essentially all this podcast is! Interviews. I noticed that later on in the podcast, once we clear episode 100 or so, the episode titles start to change. Less interviews, and more content similar to what we'd see on Good Mythical Morning. I can't wait till I get that far. All I want is Rhett and Link shooting the shit and telling funny stories. By my calculations, it will be about three more years. I'm calling it now: in 2028, Ear Biscuits will be #1 on this ranking.

Last episode played: Episode 50: Mitchell Davis

Next episode in line: Episode 51: Matthew Santoro

WAIT

Before we depart, here is an ode to the podcasts that are no longer in my rotation, either because I stopped listening to them, the podcasts are defunct, or because I have listened to all the content there is to listen to.

Dynasty Happy Hour

This would have been the #1 podcast on my ranking if they didn't abruptly pack up shop and cancel the podcast. It's easily the best fantasy football podcast I had been listening to. I love the hosts and their personalities. Doug in particular is awesome and has a voice born to podcast about dynasty fantasy football. I really hope he winds up somewhere else. What's especially sad about the purging of this podcast, is that I had gone back and started listening to all the older episodes that I had missed in order, starting from the beginning. I was up to #20 when BAM all the old episodes were removed. So not only are there no new episodes, I can't pick up where I had left off listening to the old episodes either. There are a bunch of episodes still on Spotify, but they start in the 300s and like I said, I was on #20. I can only hope I find the missing episodes somewhere, or that this podcast makes a return someday.

Serial Killers, Box Trick, Lost Boys of Hannibal, How Was This Made?

I gave up on these podcasts quite a while ago. Just weren't holding my attention.

Post Show Recaps: Killing Eve, Westworld, and the Leftovers. Digging Six Feet Under.

Finished all the episodes and there is no more content coming.

Big Brother Blockumentary (seasons 2, 3, and 4), The Survivor Historians, Worth it or Worthless.

Finished all the episodes and I am hopeful there is more content coming at some point.

Museum of the Missing, The Edge of Sleep, Carrier.

Some story based podcasts that I am all caught up with, and am waiting to see if they have more episodes coming.

Derelict, Birds of Empire, Ronstadt.

Some story based podcasts that I gave up on because they weren't catching my attention.

***

That's it. That's the end. I hope you enjoyed my ranking this year. Next year will be a big year, as it will be my FIFTH annual podcast ranking. What a spectacle that will be. All the stars will be out in full force. I can see it now. Until then: bye.

Oh, and if you are here because you are a gamer, check out the link below for a complete index of all my past blog posts, most notably my game reviews. I've reviewed 564 games now and counting.

>>LINK<<

Oh, and if you would like to check out past podcast rankings, here are the direct links:

2022

2023

2024