Johnny Bazookatone
PlayStation
Nostalgia Factor:
Although I remember renting Johnny Bazookatone when it first came out, I remember very little about the game itself. I remember it being difficult, and I remember having mixed feelings on the gameplay. I didn't hate the game, but I didn't love it, either.
What I remember the most about the game is the music. I had my PlayStation set up in our rec room downstairs at my dad's house. The soundtrack for this game is filled with jazz music and the sound of saxophones. Very seductive saxophones. I remember having to turn the volume almost all the way down when I was playing, because I didn't want anyone to hear the game's music and think I was watching old adult videos from the 80s down in the rec room. Seriously, and I can't stress this enough, the music in this game sounds like porn music. There's just no way around it.
And that's about all I remember about Johnny Bazookatone when I was a kid. A challenging but mediocre platformer filled with seductive jazz music.
This game came out in 1996. The current year is 2025. That means that nearly 30 years have passed since I last gave the game a whirl. Would my mixed memories of the game prove true in the present day, or would I find that this is a game I had underappreciated when I was a kid? Let's find out.
Story:
If you want to get anything out of the game's storyline, you probably have to read the manual beforehand. I did not have the manual handy. I did not read it beforehand. As a result, I had no idea what was going on in the game. Nothing is explained during the in-game cinematics. It's just a weird montage of funny looking jazz players playing music. I have no idea what it means as far as the in-game story. But I have a feeling it doesn't matter.
I don't know what your end goal is. I don't even remember who you have to fight at the end of the game. Obviously, the story means nothing. I chose to treat this as a standard 2D platformer and just ignore the story completely. It was probably for the best.
Gameplay:
This game has a bit of a learning curve. I came into it expecting it to be a simple "left to right" shooter like Vectorman or a Contra game. This was not the case.
Each stage is enormous, and filled with collectibles. There are different colored musical notes. You have to collect all of them in each stage to create a rainbow and earn a special bonus. What is the bonus? I don't know. I don't think I was able to collect all the notes in any stage, because the stages are so big and maze-like.
Most enemies can be killed by firing your weird guitar gun thing. You also have a jump attack where you can bump enemies and cause them damage. Johnny has a special "suck" move that can pick items up off the ground, so you can store them and use them for later. This feature is not used in the first level. In fact, when the time comes where you actually do need to use it, I had already forgotten that this move existed. In addition to the usual running and jumping, there is one thing you'll need to learn to master. When you jump in the air, you can fire your gun downwards in order to "float". You will need to use this move in order to cross large gaps and obtain access to otherwise inaccessible areas.
Like I said before, this isn't a simple "find the end of the stage" 2D platformer. Some stages are like this, but most stages involve puzzle elements of some kind. A lot of the solutions to these puzzles are extremely obscure. I think I beat this game as a kid, but I struggled as an adult. A simple stage that would take five minutes (if you knew what to do) would take me hours to complete. There's one stage early in the game where you have to enter a private area, but a bouncer is preventing you from coming in. I scoured this entire stage top to bottom for two hours and simply could not figure out how I was supposed to get past him. Turns out, you needed to get the high ground, backtrack to the area above the beginning of the level, knock a suitcase down to the ground floor (a suitcase acts as a spring in this game), and then go down to the ground floor and bounce off the suitcase to grab a ticket that allows you entry to the hidden area. The ticket was hiding in plain sight the entire time. I thought it was just something in the background the whole time, and I had been ignoring it. When I turned to YouTube to look up the solution, it made me very annoyed.
There were several other instances where I got stuck as well, and had to turn to online guides for help. I don't know how I beat this as a kid, with no outside assistance. Very frustrating.
I suppose I need to mention the boss fights, which are a highlight of the game. The bosses require special strategies to beat. They seem hard at first, but if you pay attention to their patterns, you can form an effective attack strategy pretty quick.
Do I consider the game difficult? Sort of. If it was a simple platformer and there were no puzzle elements involved, I think the game would be a piece of cake. Maybe I'd hit a snag here or there with a tough platforming section or a challenging boss, but it would be manageable. The puzzles are what make the game frustrating, and somewhat of a chore to play.
Graphics:
This game looks good. It doesn't necessarily do anything "outstanding" but it looks good for its time. The levels have a lot of charm and personality, and there are humorous touches everywhere you look. It almost looks a little like Earthworm Jim or Gex in its aesthetic. Maybe throw some Mr. Bones in there, too.
The cutscenes on the other hand.... yikes. They are some of the worst I've ever seen in a game before. Check out the screenshot below.
Sound:
If you like music that sounds like it was pulled straight from a 1980s Ron Jeremy movie, you'll like the music here. Sweet, smooth, sensual jazz music. I can't imagine I was the only kid who had to play this with the music turned down. I remember being SO worried that someone would hear me playing this game and think I was up to no good.
Sound effects are decent. Standard 2D platformer fare. Almost not even worth mentioning.
Overall:
I didn't necessarily hate this game, but I did not have a great time with it either. It does a lot of things right. I think if they'd ditched the frustrating puzzle mechanics and had added more levels, and made it more of a traditional platformer/shooter, it would have been a lot better. Instead, it is just a middle of the road, mildly enjoyable, often frustrating game.
I'm glad I picked this game up again, if only to satisfy my curiosity on it. I had almost no memory of playing it as a kid. Now I know why. It's just simply not a memorable game. I can imagine thirty years from now, I will struggle to remember much at all about my recent playthrough.
Play this game if you must, but if you decide to skip it, you will be missing absolutely nothing. This isn't a bad game, it's just very unnecessary and very forgettable. Will I ever play this game again? I highly doubt it.
THE GRADE:
C-
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