Is it possible to have a spiritual connection with a television show? Don’t laugh, but I think I have one with Survivor. Not necessarily Survivor as a whole. I am talking about one specific season of the show: season one set in Borneo.
Let’s go back to the year 2000. I was a 17-year old high school student on the brink of graduation. There was buzz building up for this new television show called Survivor. From what I’d heard it sounded pretty cool. I didn’t know a whole lot of details about the show, but I had an idea in my mind of what it was going to be like. A bunch of random people would get dumped onto a deserted island. The weaker people, the people who couldn’t handle roughing it in the wild, would end up dropping out of the game or getting removed for health reasons. The remaining contestants would stay on the island for months, even years, until one person was left standing to claim the million dollar prize. It would be the ultimate test of man versus nature.
Turns out, I was just a little wrong with my prediction. My mom had been doing some reading on the show and she gave me the inside scoop on it. She told me that every week one player would get voted off the island by their fellow contestants, until only one was left standing at the end. This person would walk away with the million dollar prize. Believe it or not, I was actually very disappointed by this. I wanted to see a true test of will. I wanted to see people gritting it out until they were physically unable to continue. I wanted to see people getting sick. I wanted to see people getting hurt. I wanted to see people get dragged kicking and screaming off the island. I thought that voting someone out every week was a cheap way of shortening the show, and that whoever won wouldn’t really be the true survivor.
Still, I made it a goal of mine to give the show a look. May 31st rolled around and I put Survivor on in my bedroom, which is where I watched it all by my lonesome. I wasn’t immediately hooked. I did a lot of channel flipping during the commercials, and often didn’t come back in time to catch everything going on in the episode. I still enjoyed the show, however. I didn’t have any favorite castaways just yet, but my winner pick was obviously Kelly. A professional white water rafting guide, in a survival competition? Who could beat her? It almost wasn’t fair to the other castaways. Clearly Kelly was going to waltz to the end. Or so I thought.
Despite not having any obvious favorites, I had a few people I didn’t like. That guy who said “I’ve got the million dollar check written already. I’m the winner”…. man, I hated him. How could you be that arrogant on day one? This may come as a surprise to people, since everyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE fan of Rudy Boesch, one of season one’s most popular castaways. But believe it or not, I didn’t like Rudy one tiny bit when Survivor first aired. It seemed like all the contestants were bickering about him and talking about how rude he was and how he’d sneak food out of the kitchen. When Tagi lost the immunity challenge and had to go to Tribal Council, I was devastated when he wasn’t voted off. Not that I was a huge Sonja fan, I just wanted to see the grouchy old man get what was coming to him.
I tuned into Survivor once again for its second episode. Again, the show didn’t have my full attention as I channel flipped back and forth during the commercials. My main takeaway was that BB was annoying with his arguing and would undoubtedly get voted off the first time Pagong went to Tribal Council… which is exactly what happened. I had a moment of doubt that they might vote off Gervase after he cost his team the challenge by failing to eat the grubs, but that didn’t happen.
Episode three came. I watched. The contestants were now eating rats, and Survivor was starting to demand my full attention.
When Tagi lost the immunity challenge, I was convinced that this time it would be Rudy voted out, but instead it was Stacey. I threw my arms up in frustration that one of the younger, more attractive girls had been voted out. Why bother watching if this was how the show was going to go? In present time, I can only giggle about my line of thinking back then. But I was a teenage boy. What else did you expect?
Despite my heartbreak, I continued to watch the show. On to episode four we moved. Sue started to get on my nerves with her accent, her abrasive personality, and the way she was always getting on people for not working hard enough. Coming from a blue collar Wisconsin family, she reminded me of several people I knew (and despised) in real life, and I wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t like Sue, Rudy, or Richard at this point in the game. This was when I really started to back the Pagong tribe. So of course they lost the immunity challenge. In the end, Ramona was the next one voted off. No surprise there. A little too little too late.
Another week passed. We were now up to episode five. Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe this was the first episode where a voting alliance was discussed. I remember being so repulsed at the very thought, which is funny to me for so many reasons. It is a game for a million dollars. Why wouldn’t you do whatever it took to make it to the end? But I was turned off by the idea, believing that it was playing dirty and that the ultimate survivor would somehow “rise to the top” and win the game. Whatever. Since Tagi was the tribe that was mainly talking about alliances, and they were the tribe I liked the least, this only made me hate them even more. They lost the reward challenge, which I was thrilled about. Sue was going around talking about how she wanted to stomp on “some guy” at the challenge, so it was super sweet for me to see her lose. Tagi also lost the immunity challenge, as Gervase – the guy who couldn’t even swim – beat river guide Kelly in a rowing competition. Once again I expected Rudy to be voted out, only to be sorely let down by the final results.
Week six. Joel on the Pagong tribe started to talk about how his team needed to stick together and vote out the Tagi members once the merge came around. I was very excited about this. Vote those Tagi bastards out! Funny how I was okay with a voting alliance when it came to the team I liked, but I scoffed at it when it came to a team I didn’t. Hypocritical much? Anyway, Joel (who I had previously not given much thought to) got a lot of screen time in this episode. I believe it was Colleen who referred to him as the golden boy who never did anything wrong. I started to think. Hmm… maybe he was being set up as a potential winner of the game? lolno. He was surprisingly (to me anyway) voted out when Pagong lost the challenge and had to go to Tribal Council. I thought for sure that it would be Gervase, based on his poor performances at the team challenges and the fact that he’d rubbed some tribe members the wrong way with sexist remarks. It also bugged me how he kept saying he felt 100% safe at tribal every week. It seemed like he was due for a reality check. But he was not. In fact, it was Joel who took the heat for laughing at Gervase’s comments, and also for his somewhat condescending attitude towards women in camp. Baby bye-bye! In retrospect, this was probably the worst decision Pagong could have made, as Joel was basically the one person who looked ahead and wanted to stick together to vote out Tagi.
The merge came. For being such a monumental event in the game, I actually don’t remember much about the episode from when I watched it the first time. The only thing that stood out to me was how cool it was that Jenna and Sean had gotten the “ambassador” treatment when it came to picking beaches. I was secretly hoping that they would get it on and give everyone back home something to talk about. But that didn't happen! Other than that, I recall being shocked when Gretchen was voted out of the tribe. Once again I thought it was going to be Rudy. Gretchen seemed like she was well loved by everyone. How could this have happened? Even though the Tagi members in their confessionals went around clearly saying they were in an alliance, I still couldn’t see what was right in front of my face. I would have fit in perfectly on Pagong.
The next episode was the first one that I MISSED completely. I had gone out on my first date that night, and had completely forgotten about Survivor. Could you blame me? I was a naïve, hormonal, virginal teen that had never gone out on a date or even kissed a girl before. My mind was in other places. I remember coming home that night and having my stepmom fill me in on who had gotten voted out. Greg had gotten the boot, and had left Tribal Council in tears. Greg? Weird. I wouldn’t have guessed it would be him. Why not? My stepmom wanted to know. The Tagi people were voting together and saw Greg as a threat to them, just like they did with Gretchen. I don’t know, I thought. I don’t see a voting block happening.
Sigh. I was either really dumb or in denial. Once again, I would have fit in perfectly with the Pagong tribe.
After the Greg boot, I never missed an episode again. In fact, from the next episode on is where my obsession with the show truly began.
Summer vacation with my family came around. We were staying up north in my grandma’s cottage. I wasn’t worried about missing Survivor, because my grandma got one channel on her TV, and that channel was CBS. Thursday night rolled around and we all gathered around her little fuzzy TV to watch the show. Colleen won the reward challenge, and I remember thinking to myself: “whoah, Colleen actually did something???” For some reason she had been one of the more invisible castaways to me. However, I quickly came around to her when she started chatting with Jenna during the reward about teaming up with Gervase and voting out Richard. Finally, FINALLY, Pagong was playing the game.
Rudy won the immunity challenge, and this is where my love of the ole’ Rudester started to bloom. I began to look at him in a different light. Part of this is because my family didn’t like him, and I like to be contrary. Why not start fanboying for the guy that no one likes? Plus I started to look at his comments in a more comedic light. Love him or hate him, the guy is a quotable comedic gold mine.
I was really, really pumped at the prospect of seeing Richard get voted out. I wanted to see his arrogant ass knocked down a peg. It would have happened too, if it wasn’t for Sean’s alphabet voting strategy. J… for Jenna. I was irate at the time, but in retrospect I love how that whole tribal council went down. It was the first truly chaotic moment in the game, and in a way it was responsible for kicking off my obsession with the show.
My grandma had several older episodes of Survivor on VHS tape. After watching Jenna get voted off, I realized that the episode I had missed (where Greg was voted off) was on one of those tapes, so I went back and watched it. Again. And again. And again. She had also recorded the current episode (Jenna’s boot), so I watched that one over and over again as well. The obsession had begun.
Before heading back home, I found a picture of Rudy in a Star magazine that was running a cover story on Survivor. I cut the picture out and put it in a yellow flower refrigerator magnet and stuck it on my grandma’s fridge. 19 years later, that magnet is still up there.
Upon returning home, I made it my goal to do what my grandma did and start recording the episodes so I could rewatch them at my leisure. I started with episode ten. Richard had just escaped the vote, and wasn’t taking it well. We began to see cracks forming in the Tagi alliance regarding Kelly. I knew that it was a longshot, but I was really hoping that after Rich’s close call he would get voted out next. Nope. I visibly got upset and started huffing and puffing when Richard won immunity and started dancing on the beach. I knew that that was basically everyone’s last chance to get him out, and that the numbers would no longer be there after the vote. Lo and behold, Gervase was voted out next.
Another week came by, bringing along with it another episode of the show. By this time I had probably rewatched the previous episode about four or five times. Even though Tagi looked like it was continuing to crumble, they were able to finish off the Pagong tribe and vote off Colleen. Sad, because she had really started to grow on me post-merge. The most memorable moment of this episode, for me, was seeing Sean snub Kelly after winning the yacht reward. I was so pissed at him. How could he do Kelly like that, when he’d promised her he’d take her? Even worse was that he took Rich along with him. By this point I LOATHED Rich and wanted him out out out. I don’t think I’d ever hated anyone on TV as much as I hated Rich. It is silly, because in present day I think Rich is awesome and that he played a terrific game of Survivor. But back then? Wow, did I hate him. If you had asked me who I wanted to win, my reply would have been "I don't care, as long as it's not Rich!"
I probably rewatched this episode a good five times before the new episode came around. At this point, it was clear that the alliance had turned on Kelly and that she would be next to go. Seeing as how much I hated Rich and Sue, this meant that I became Kelly’s number one fan. I couldn’t have been happier to see her win both the immunity and reward challenges this episode. When Jeff was talking to her during the reward and she started to say bad things about Sue? Sweet music to my ears.
This is also the episode where the legacy of Rudy cemented itself in my mind. Rudy answered every question during the immunity challenge with “I dunno”, and I thought that was just the funniest thing I had ever seen. Hell, I still think it is pretty damn funny.
Before I knew it, it was finale time. I rewatched every episode that I had on tape multiple times leading up to the finale. Saying I was obsessed with the show would have been an understatement at this point. I still wanted Rich to lose, but when Sue was the first one voted off, I didn’t lose any sleep over it. Kelly or Rudy were holding the torch for me. I actually preferred a Kelly win at this point, but Rudy winning would have been an acceptable alternative,
Neither happened. Rich took himself out of the final immunity challenge – another move I considered cocky and insufferable. Kelly ended up winning the challenge and earning the decision of who she wanted to vote out of the game. I knew that if she took Rudy to the end, her odds of winning were pretty low. Believe it or not, I was happy when she voted him off and took Rich to the end with her. Remember I was on team Kelly at this point. No way in hell would people vote for the naked and arrogant gay guy who played dirty to win the game. Kelly had it all locked up!
I was feeling confident in my home girl Kelly all the way till the end… and then Sue and her speech came along. If you’re familiar with this season at all, I am sure you know about Sue’s famous snakes and rats speech.
In case you've forgotten about it, here it is:
Sue absolutely ripped into Kelly, tearing her and her gameplay a new one. Remember: I loved Kelly and hated Sue. Sue’s words felt like a personal attack on me. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This only further cemented me in Kelly’s corner. F Sue. And F Richard too. Now I really wanted Kelly to win. She HAD to win after enduring that crap, right? She deserved it.
The votes came in. Three for Richard, three for Kelly. Jeff looked down at the parchment in front of him. The winner of season one of Survivor is….. he holds up the vote. Rich.
What?? Wait, WHAT???
How could they possibly have voted for Rich after what Kelly had just been through? How could they even vote for Rich at all? He was smarmy, arrogant, he treated people like pawns, he played the game in a dirty fashion. I hated Rich. I LOATHED Rich. I was so mad. So mad. I felt like throwing something. Of all the people I didn’t want to see win, he was at the top of the list. I felt like I’d just wasted all this time watching and rewatching the show for nothing. Survivor was ruined for me. I couldn’t believe it. Anyone but Rich!!
I was so mad I barely even noticed the little after piece where it showed a cleanly shaven Richard saying what he would do with the money. I was in nearly a black-out type rage. I couldn’t recall ever being as angry as I was in that moment.
Yeah... I had issues.
I allowed myself to cool down a bit when the reunion show came on. I watched. I didn’t really like everything I was seeing and hearing, but I watched. The most interesting thing to me was seeing the preview for the next season of Survivor: The Australian Outback. As disappointed as I was by the end result of the show, I had an absolutely fantastic time with the journey and I was ready to go on another one again.
A week or two passed and Survivor started to fall out of my head. By this time I had long since graduated high school and my parents were pushing me to go out and get a job. Fat chance of that happening… especially when I saw that CBS was going to be replaying Survivor from the beginning, one episode every night. Whoa! I couldn’t believe it. It was almost too good to be true. Back then, when you missed an episode of a show, you missed it. This was my big chance to record EVERY episode on tape, so I could watch them as many times as I wanted. So that is what I did. Every night I spent glued to my TV, watching Survivor, recording the episode, and then going back and watching it again. Upon rewatching the show, I even began to see Richard’s game in a new light. By the end, I had nothing but respect and admiration for his approach to the game. He was a good winner.
I can safely say I have never been more obsessed with a television show than I was the first season of Survivor. I started off a bit slowly with the show, only half paying attention the first few episodes and later on even missing an episode completely. But when you factor in how many times I have watched and rewatched this show over the years, I would estimate that I have probably seen this season of Survivor from beginning to end at least 20 to 30 times. That’s not even counting the 30+ seasons that have come out since season one aired. I am talking solely about season one!
This show has touched me in more ways than one. I was always a quiet and shy kid, even around my own family. Survivor opened me up and got me talking with people. I talked about what was going on on the island, who was with who, who would be voted out next. The internet wasn’t readily available to me back in the year 2000, but I did eventually find my way online to Survivor related groups and message boards, where I found other like-minded people who loved the show. Through these groups and message boards I have made some great friendships over the years, many of which have held up over time. I’ve introduced Survivor to girlfriends. I’ve met Survivor contestants in real life. I’ve even participated (and won!) a few online Survivor role playing games. And it all started with season one of the show.
Who would have thought when I saw a group of strangers jump off a ship in the middle of the Pacific Ocean back in the year 2000, that this show would have such an impact on my life? I sure didn’t.
Let’s go back full circle to my first sentence in this posting. Is it possible to have a spiritual connection with a television show? Probably a silly question, but I think there may be some merit to it. I recently rewatched Survivor: Borneo a weekend ago. My goal was to watch the entire thing in one epic marathon, but let’s be real: I don’t have the attention span for that. I ended up finishing it in three days, which is pretty darn fast for me. That was the first time I have rewatched season one in a good nine or ten years.
I found that my time away from the show actually strengthened my bond with it. It was like hanging out and visiting with a bunch of old, dear friends that I hadn’t seen in years. It brought all kinds of fuzzy, nostalgic feelings bubbling to my brain. It warmed my heart. I was home. For one weekend, I was home. I know that sounds silly, but you can’t really control the way your heart feels.
I felt like I knew all the contestants. I felt like I knew the island itself. I felt in some way like I was THERE when the show was being filmed. I’m sure this is a result of watching this so much when I was younger, but some kind of connection has formed between me and this show. I can’t shake this feeling like I was a contestant in a past life, maybe even a crew member. Maybe I was even native to this island once upon a time. I feel as if there is something more present and at work than simply me watching a TV show over and over again.
Even a week after I finished watching the show, I still can’t shake this feeling. It is one of the weirdest things I have ever experienced. I truly believe I have some kind of connection to this island, some kind of connection with Survivor. Not Survivor as a whole, just this specific season of the show.
Maybe it’s just a whole lot of me being weird. Maybe there is more to it. Maybe it’s a sign. I’ve always wanted to be on the show, but I’ve never even bothered applying because I know there isn’t that much that’s interesting about me. They’d never in a million years pick me. Or would they? Maybe the sign is something completely different. I’ve been thinking a lot about visiting Pulau Tiga, the island in Borneo where the show was filmed. I could never in a million years afford that kind of trip, but it does feel like something I am destined to do at some point in my life.
I don’t know what any of this means, if it even means anything. But I can’t help but shake the feeling that me and this island are somehow inexorably linked. Where things go from here is anyone’s guess.
Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings. If and when I ever rewatch Survivor: The Australian Outback I will post my thoughts on that season as well. I don’t have anywhere near as strong a connection with this season as I do the first, but I still have many memories of it that I would like to share.
So long for now!
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