Video Game Review #535: Virtua Fighter 3tb

Virtua Fighter 3tb

Dreamcast

Nostalgia Factor:

I'll never forget the first time I played this game. I was about 16 or 17 years old. The family was on a trip to Florida, where we were staying at a resort. There were so many fun activities to do at this resort, like mini-golf, swimming, basketball, pool, etc. But what did I spend the whole week doing? Hanging out in the arcade. This arcade had dozens of great games that I had never had much of a chance to play before. But the game that stood out to me was Virtua Fighter 3.

As soon as I laid eyes on the arcade cabinet, I feel like my jaw must have hit the floor. Graphically, the game was light years better than anything I had ever seen before. This was the era of the Saturn and the PS1 - notoriously known for its jaggedy, experimental 3D graphics. This game was on a completely different level. The characters were lifelike, the environments were amazing, and everything was so smooth and realistic. No blocky polygons, no messy pixel splotches. It was the most fluid and lifelike game I had ever seen in my life.

I had played Virtua Fighter and its sequel before. I liked the games, but had never been wowed by their graphics before. They were always a bit too clumsy and blocky for my tastes. But Virtua Fighter 3 was a game changer. I seriously felt like I was witnessing the next step in the evolution of video games. It looked that good.

I spent my entire week flitting around the arcade, checking the coin slots and looking under the machines for extra quarters. I put a good amount of time into Virtua Fighter 3 (as well as the many other arcade cabinets nearby), but I never got good at the game. Arcade fighting games are always insanely hard. They don't want you to win, they just want you to keep popping quarters in one after another. Eventually I had to go back home, but thoughts of the game and how amazing it looked never left my mind. 

I had to wait a few years for the game to come out on the Sega Dreamcast. By then, the graphics in video games had improved, and I was no longer quite so smitten with Virtua Fighter 3. I bought the game, but I never invested much time in it. I'd say I probably completed the game about five or six times before I moved on with my life. There's only so much you can do in fighting games, which is why I don't really play them anymore. I don't think i have picked up the game since.

So here we are: 2024. Assuming I last played this in the year 2000, it means that 24 years have passed since my last experience with the game. The perfect game to come back and review.

How would I feel about it after so much time had passed? Time to find out.

Story:

If you go to the game's Wikipedia page, apparently it has some kind of story to it. But it is never once explained or talked about in the actual game. Nothing at the beginning of the game. When you beat the end boss and complete the game, the credits immediately start to roll. No story whatsoever.

Beating the game does unlock an "ending" in the special menu. It's just a cutscene compilation of the characters "doing things" set to music. Jeffrey catches a shark. Some guys in business suits get punched by Akira. If you've played Tekken, it is kind of like the opening montage to one of those games. Just a bunch of random, non-sequitur events featuring the game's characters, set to music. In no way, shape, or form does it feel like a proper ending for any of the characters. Oh well.

Gameplay:

Loyal readers will know that fighting games are not my favorite genre of game. In fact, I actively go out of my way to NOT play them. When I was a kid, they were fun. I loved Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. But when I realized how short the games were, and how you are essentially just doing the same thing over and over again, I quickly lost interest in them. I'd say it was around the time I first played this game in the arcade that I lost interest in the genre. In between then and the time I got my copy for the Dreamcast, I had already moved onto bigger and better things. That's why I didn't spend much time with the home version of the game. And that's also why I didn't spend much time on it for my review.

The game has several different modes, but they all amount to the same thing. You fight through a series of characters until you get to the end and square off against the metallic Dural. If you beat Dural, you complete the game. If you lose to Dural, you still complete the game. You only get one chance against her. I remember as a kid, it always sucked making it all the way to Dural and then losing.

Normal mode is what I played through first for my review. I picked Aoi and made my way through the game with relative ease. You only really use four buttons, aside from the d-pad. There's a punch button, a kick button, a block button, and a button where you can dodge left or right on the 3D plane. My strategy consisted of waiting for the enemy to attack, dodging, and then rushing in and doing some damage with a flurry of quick moves. I used the same strategy the entire game, and I was rarely challenged. I beat the whole thing in about fifteen minutes or so. It was so easy, I had to come back and check the setting to make sure it didn't default to easy mode. Nope, it was on normal.

I came back the next day and tried team mode. Essentially you are just picking two characters. When one lose, the other one comes in. You have to fight duos of enemies and knock out both of them to win the round. So it is basically the same as normal mode, except when someone loses a fight they switch out characters instead of just moving to round two. I beat this mode in about fifteen minutes. After that, I was done with the game.

So in total, I spent about thirty minutes with the game before I got tired of it and decided to count it as "complete." If I had someone to play versus mode against, I probably would have. But let's be real, it would not have added much replay value to the game for me. As I said, fighting games are not my thing. In thirty short minutes, I had seen and experienced everything I wanted to see and experience out of the game. Time to move along.

Graphics:

This is still a pretty good looking game. I don't think it looks as good as the arcade version, though. I noticed some jankiness and some blotchy textures from time to time. The characters are not quite as smooth as I seem to remember them. I don't know if it is because my memory is failing me, or because this version truly is not as good looking as the arcade. 

What impressed me the most was the stage design. I just love the beach level, and how you can wade out into the water as you are fighting. Go too far out, and you fall off a drop and sink to the bottom of the ocean. I always thought that was fun. Other stages have things like stairs you can fight on, or big hills and bumps on the ground. One stage even takes place on a sloped roof. I was always used to flat surfaces when playing fighting games as a kid. Not only do the uneven surfaces look really cool and add a lot of depth to the game, but they affect the gameplay, too. Your character will fight differently when standing on a slope as opposed to a flat road. Seems pretty common in modern times, but back in the 90s this was revolutionary.

Sound:

I've always enjoyed the music and sound effects of this game. The song that plays during the game's introduction is one that immediately brings back memories. I just love it. I also love the little jingle that plays when your next opponent is introduced. It makes each matchup seem special and important. The rest of the game's music, while nothing particularly outstanding, fits the tone of the game perfectly.

I like the punch and kick sound effects, and how overly exaggerated they are. Thwock, thwack, boom! It's charming. I don't know how else to describe it. But the thing I'll always remember about this game is the announcer. "Fight one. Ready.... go!" There's just something about his voice that gets me so excited for this game. Maybe it is the nostalgia speaking. I remember being able to hear this guy's voice from all the way across the arcade when I was a kid on vacation in Florida. It always made my ears perk up. I still perk up when I hear it today.

Overall:

Obviously, this game carries a lot of sentimental weight with me. It meant a lot to me as a kid, and it completely changed the way I looked at graphics in video games and what they were capable of. Unfortunately, the gameplay itself is nothing to get too excited about it. It's a fighting game, just like dozens of other fighting games out there. You pick a character, you fight through some enemies, you beat the boss at the end, and then you are done. Yippee. You can only do this so many times. I got bored with the game after playing through it twice and spending about a half hour with it. I don't think there are even any unlockable characters or anything to keep you interested. Once you've beaten the game, you've seen and done everything there is to see and do.

I want to like this game. I mean, it really is not a bad game if you are into fighting games. It's just not for me. Fighting games rarely are. I don't think I've given a single fighting game a good review score since I started this blog nearly ten years ago. This one will have to join the club. It gets the 'ol C for average.

THE GRADE:

C

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #534: Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong

Atari 2600

Nostalgia Factor:

This is a somewhat important review for me, because I consider Donkey Kong for the Atari 2600 to be the very first video game I've ever played. When I go back and scour my earliest video gaming memories, this game is the first thing that comes to mind.

Growing up, my dad had a rec room in the basement with an Atari 2600 and a bunch of games. My first gaming memories were formed with this console. That said, I was not very good at any of the games - this one in particular. I was more interested in grabbing the hammer and smashing barrels than I was with actually making it to the top of the stage. I would play the game off and on over the years, and I got "good" at it, as I was able to pass several levels in a row. It was never my favorite game, though, and I did not put a tremendous amount of time into it. Its gameplay is limited and there is really only so much you can do.

As I started to get older, my attention very quickly turned away from this game and the 2600. Once my family had an NES, I had absolutely no reason to ever play this version of Donkey Kong again. In the ensuing years, I have encountered the arcade game out in the wild, and I always make sure to drop a quarter or two in, because I like it. But the 2600 version? I haven't played it since the 1980s. For context, it is 2024 as I write this.

Time to revisit a piece of my childhood and see if it holds up in the modern day.

Spoiler alert: it does not. Oh boy, it does not.

Story:

Absolutely nothing is explained in the game. From context clues alone, you can deduce that the hero, Mario, (AKA Jumpman) is trying to rescue a woman from the giant ape Donkey Kong. Who is this woman? Princess Toadstool? Peach? I don't know.

Climb to the top of the stage to save her, all while dodging barrels that are being thrown by Donkey Kong. When the next level starts, she is trapped again. You have to knock out a bunch of supports on the tower holding up Donkey Kong this time. When the next level starts, the game begins to loop. You save her at the end of each level, but there is never any ending. You just keep doing it over and over again.

Worth noting is that the arcade version of Donkey Kong is Mario's first video game appearance. That's kind of cool. If this is truly the very first video game I ever played, I am pleased to know that Mario was the first video game character I ever played as, and it took place in his first game! Yeah, I know, this is the 2600 game, not the arcade version. But to me it is close enough.

Gameplay:

This is one of the most simplistic games you will ever play. It consists of two different stages. The first stage, you must use ladders to climb to the top of the stage, while at the same time dodging barrels that are being thrown down at you. You can move left and right, you can go up and down ladders, and you can jump. While this game may be very simple and basic, I do have to say that it handles quite well.

The next stage is where Donkey Kong is at the top of a tower, and you have to knock out supports in the ground by walking over them. There are four on the left side of the screen and four on the right. You have to use ladders to go up and down and get access to these supports. But you have to be careful because these weird, yellow monster things run back and forth on each of these floors. These things probably caused the most deaths for me as I played. They are very unpredictable and can change direction with no warning. If you so much as touch them, you lose a life and have to start the stage over again.

Each stage contains a hammer. In the barrel rolling stage, you use the hammer to crush barrels that are rolling towards you. In the second stage, you can use it to whack one of those weird yellow enemies, but that's it. You can't go up or down a ladder with it. So it is kind of useless.

Once you pass the first two stages, the game begins to loop. You just play the same two stage types over and over again, until you die. The game can't be beaten, you can only play for a high score.

I was pretty bad at this as a kid, and could only pass three or four stages at a time, at the very most. I quickly did much better as an adult. Not every playthrough was great, but once I got the hang of the patterns and how things work, I almost had to go out of my way to lose a life. But in the end one of those yellow things would always change directions unexpectedly and get me.

Graphics:

I did not expect the game to look this bad. It looked "just like the arcade version" when I was five years old. But yeah, this looks nowhere near as good as the arcade. I mean, just look at the screenshots. Donkey Kong looks like a gingerbread cookie man that was drawn by a four year old in Microsoft Paint. If I didn't already know that those things rolling down in the first level were barrels, I would have thought they were those circley pasta noodle things. The background is plain black. The colors are boring. Mario and the princess look as simplistic as can be. The yellow enemies in the second stage? I have no idea what the heck they are even supposed to be. Snakes?

My memory doesn't fail me often, but it sure did with this game. It looks so much worse than I remember.

Sound:

I always forget how so many of these old games do not even have music. It was very jarring playing this game in near silence. The only sounds are the patter of Mario's feet, and the noise it makes when he jumps. There are extra sound effects that play, like when you jump over a barrel, pick up a hammer, or knock out one of the struts. And can't forget the brief sound that plays when you complete a level. It is the closest thing this game comes to music, all comprised of standard 2600 beeps and bloops. But still very charming.

Overall:

I did not spend much time revisiting this game. Once you've passed the first two stages, which takes about three minutes, you've seen everything there is to see in this game. I suppose you can keep going and playing through the loops for a high score. That kind of thing doesn't really appeal to me. This game would have been much better if it had an ending, or perhaps a few more stage varieties (doesn't the arcade version have more stages?).

I suppose it was fun to revisit this for old time's sake. I feel like in my short time revisiting it, I did much better than I ever did as a kid. I learned the strategies and recognized the patterns much quicker. The game handles well, and it is very playable. I guess it has that going for it. And there is no doubt that it is an important piece of gaming history. But at the same time, I can't say the game holds up particularly well. It is far too simple. I began to lose interest not even ten minutes into playing this. I wanted to give it a fair review, so I continued playing for over a half hour. But by the end of that thirty minutes, I was DONE. 

It is hard for me to grade this. It's an important game, not only in gaming history - but also to me personally. It is the first video game I ever played, and what kicked off this hobby of mine. I might not be sitting here writing this blog if it wasn't for Donkey Kong. Yet at the same time - the game just isn't that good. I guess I have to give it an honest score, with how it holds up in the present day. I can't let nostalgia cloud me too much. But at the same time I want to recognize its importance as well. I guess I will give it a grade that is representative of being below average, but not terrible. 

THE GRADE:

C-

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #533: Heavy Rain

Heavy Rain

PlayStation 3

Nostalgia Factor:

I want to say that I've always been a fan of Heavy Rain, but that's not technically true. I first played it back in 2010, when I downloaded a demo of it on my PS3. My initial reaction was: "this game is all quick time events? No thank you." I don't think I even finished the demo before I turned the game off and uninstalled it.

I came back to it in 2012 after a few friends insisted that it was a good game and that I'd like it. I bought a cheap copy of the game at a used game store and gave it a second chance. My friends were right: I loved it! I played through the entire game in a weekend. I played through it one more time in 2014, and I again found that I really liked it. That was the last time I picked up Heavy Rain.

It has been ten years and I've been getting the urge to play through it again so I can review it for this blog. So here we are. Does the game still hold up?

Sure does. Keep reading for my full analysis.

Story:

Heavy Rain follows the investigation of the Origami serial killer from the perspective of four different characters. First one is Ethan, the father of a boy who has been taken by the Origami Killer. He must undergo a series of Saw-like trials in order to get clues to the boy's location. Next character is Madison, a journalist who crosses paths with Ethan and gets pulled into the action. Next character is Scott, a private investigator who is going around interviewing the parents of previous Origami Killer victims. Last but not least is Jayden, an FBI agent who has been sent in to investigate the killings.

Throughout the course of the game, the paths of the character's occasionally intertwine, with Madison and Ethan spending the most time together. The final chapter brings everyone together in a big climax of the events. Well, I suppose that depends on the actions you took as you played the game. Different decisions impact the events of the game. Some characters can even be killed permanently.

The whole game has a brooding atmosphere to it, like Silence of the Lambs and Seven, among other serial killer movies and TV shows. If this sounds like your kind of thing, you will probably like this game. If you can get over the gameplay, that is.

Gameplay:

This is what will make or break the game for most people: the gameplay. Now, I know that is true with most games, but it really applies here. Some people just simply can't play this game, for a myriad of reasons. One of those reasons is tank controls. Now, I personally have never had a problem with tank controls, but a lot of people do. To move, you have to hold the R2 button and point your character in the direction you want them to move, and then press up. You can turn your body to move in that direction while holding up. You can also press down to walk backwards.

Besides the tank controls, another potential tripping point for players is the game's Quick Time Events. A button flashes up on the screen, and you have to hit the corresponding button correctly on the controller in the brief amount of time allotted. If you are too slow or hit the wrong button, you could potentially do something that makes you fail a mission. Action sequences often consist of rapid fire QTEs. This is a story based game, so if you miss a prompt it could have dire circumstances. In my playthrough for this review, it actually resulted in the death of one of my characters.

The last tripping point goes hand in hand with the QTEs - the motion controls. You sometimes have to jerk the controller in a particular direction during an action sequence. If you are too slow or jerk in the wrong direction, there are once again consequences. Sometimes you have to twist the controller, like you are holding a steering wheel. I miss these all the time, for seemingly no reason at all. I often got mad and would be like "I did it right! Why did it say I got it wrong?!"

When you aren't doing Quick Time Events, you mainly just walk around and interact with the environment. This is essentially a police procedural, so you will spend time collecting evidence and talking to people while trying to uncover the identity of the Origami Killer. You can press buttons to hear your characters thoughts as you are doing so. You also spend time doing mundane, everyday things like changing your clothes, dancing, brushing your teeth, pushing a kid on a swing, and changing a baby's diaper (really). Like I said, this game is not for everyone. Oh, you can even have sex at one point in the game if you really want to. 

If you can get past all this, and you like true crime/serial killer stories, you should enjoy this game. The story, while filled with plot holes, is enjoyable enough and keeps things moving at a brisk pace. The actions you take can effect the outcome of the game. I think there is something like 20 endings. That gives the game great replay value. I've played through this game three times now, and each time I've gone down a different path in some way or another.

Graphics:

I think this game looks fantastic, especially considering it is almost 15 years old now. The character models look very lifelike. The environments are are fantastic. Many of the game's settings look like real life locations. I like the dark, brooding atmosphere of the game. Sometimes the camera will split and show you multiple things happening onscreen at one time, or maybe the same scene from multiple different perspectives. Very Hitchcockian. I like it.

I've seen a lot of people online saying that this game has not aged well visually, and I couldn't possibly disagree more. I think an updated version of the game, while it would look good, would only be marginally better than what we see here. For a game that is two console generations in the past, I think that is very impressive.

Sound:

I feel like I'm doing nothing but oohing and aahing over this game, but it is not undeserved. The game sounds great! The music is atmospheric and very brooding. Sounds like something pulled straight from a true crime movie. The constant patter of the rain adds to the oppressive feeling that permeates the game.

The voice acting for the most part is pretty good. There are some exceptions where the delivery is unnatural or stilted. And of course, Ethan shouting "Jason!" has become an Internet meme. But overall, I enjoyed the voice acting and found it to be pretty believable.

Overall:

In case you could not tell, I enjoyed this game. It is right up my alley. Dark, gritty, cinematic. Feels like The Bone Collector or Seven at times. It has a compelling story that constantly moves forward and keeps you wanting to see what will happen next. I enjoy the different paths you can take, and all the different endings. It did not strike me till after the game ended, but this is the first time I played through this game as a dad. Fatherhood and the lengths that a parent will take to protect his child is a major theme in this game, and it resonated with me big time.

As I was first playing through this game, I kept thinking: man, this is perfect. I'm going to give this game an A+. Although I enjoyed the game from beginning to end, the score started to sink a little bit the more I played it. There are some flaws to be found here. There are also a few points where the wheels seem to get stuck in the mud. The Jayden sequences where you collect evidence and look at files were the lowlight of the game, in my opinion. I also became frustrated by the motion controls not properly registering at times. 

That said, I still like this game. I'm still going to give it a great score. But it is not a perfect game.

Should you play Heavy Rain? Hell yeah. If you haven't, what are you waiting for? If you tried it in the past, and were put off by the odd controls, I implore you to come back and give it another shot. Heck, I myself did not like this game the first time I played it. And now it is one of my favorite PS3 games.

THE GRADE:

A

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #532: The Terminator

The Terminator

Sega Genesis

Nostalgia Factor:

I remember renting this game from Blockbuster Video back in the 1990s. I do not remember much about the game, other than staying up late at night and spending hours and hours on the very first level, struggling to make my way through it. Once I made it through the first level, the rest of the game was cake. What else do I remember about the game? The way Kyle Reese's coat was animated. I remember thinking that was pretty cool for the time. That's it. That's all I remember.

Let's say I played this in 1994. That would mean that 30 years have passed since my last playthrough of the game. How would it hold up after all that time? That's what we are here to find out.

Story:

This game follows the events of the movie fairly well. It starts in the future. You are Kyle Reese, and you have to battle through a bunch of Terminators until you reach the time machine that takes you back to the 1980s. That's the first level. Once you arrive in the past, you battle through some police officers in your new trench coat until you save Sarah from the Terminator in the Tech Noir bar. That's the second level.

The next level consists of gunning your way through the police station as you attempt to rescue Sarah from the Terminator's assault. The final level has you battling the Terminator in a factory. You have to lure the Terminator into the crusher to defeat it once and for all. Do so, and the game is over. That's right, the game is only four levels long.

Before we continue, I always found it interesting that you play as Kyle Reese, and he survives the events of the game - but then during the ending sequence it says he is dead. Why? How? When?

Gameplay:

This is a pretty simple run and gun game. As I mentioned before - the first level is very difficult. Oddly, everything gets pretty easy from there on out. What makes this game frustrating at times is that you only have one life to beat the entire game. You die even ONE time and it is game over and you have to start from the beginning. Luckily - the game is very short with its four stages.

What makes the first level so difficult is your crappy weapon. You start with an unlimited supply of grenades. You have to throw them at your enemies, but they arc into the air and can make it difficult to hit what you are aiming for. It's not just a straight line throw. At one point, you have to enter a tight bunker, where Terminators come at you from all directions. You have to duck and throw your grenades, otherwise they go sailing over the enemies' heads or they hit the ceiling. It also takes two or three grenades to kill each Terminator, and you throw very slowly. They also spawn endlessly. Who thought this was a good idea? Luckily health items are very plentiful in this game.

You can pick up a machine gun fairly quickly once you start exploring the underground bunker. This machine gun mows down Terminators and takes them out in no time. There are several difficulty stages in the game. I played through this twice, the first time on normal. Apparently if you play it on easy, you get the machine gun right away when you go down in the bunker. If you play it on a higher difficulty, you find it after defeating a mini boss. I also played on super hard difficulty, and I didn't think it was much harder than normal.

At the end of the first level, there is a mounted machine gun that kills you automatically if you are hit by it. It blocks you from reaching the level exit. It took me forever to figure out how to get by it, but apparently there are some tanks filled with gold liquid that you have to blow up before it will let you pass. I must have walked past them a dozen times and just thought they were part of the background decorations. Oh well.

Once you get through the first level, it is smooth sailing. The rest of the game essentially consists of sticking to a straightforward path, shooting thugs and cops with your shotgun. Make it to the end of the level, and you move onto the next one. You can't kill police officers in the game, you can only knock them down. After a few seconds they get back up and start chasing you again. Occasionally you encounter the Terminator. You have to knock him down three times, at which point he starts flashing and you can run past him.

In the final stage, the Terminator chases you through an industrial factory. Shoot him and he just goes flying offscreen, which is kind of comical. He appears a few seconds later and starts chasing you again. All you have to do is fend him off while you make it to the crusher. Once he tries to pass through it, it drops down and destroys him. The only real challenge from this level is running into a dead end. At a certain point, the Terminator breaks in half and starts chasing you. You can't shoot him anymore, even when you duck and shoot, because he is too low to the ground. You also can't jump over him. So if you let him corner you in a dead end, it is game over and you have to start the ENTIRE game over again. Thank god for save states. I was able to beat this game as a kid through trial and error, but nowadays I just don't have time to be playing through this whole game over and over again like that.

Graphics:

This is not an ugly game, but I've seen much better on the Sega Genesis. It's serviceable looking, but I wouldn't go much farther than that. There's nothing special visually about this title. Except for Kyle Reeses's sweet white trench coat. Can't forget that. If you have played the Sega CD version of the Terminator (which is a completely different game), it looks MUCH better than this.

I have to say I like the little story sequences in-between the game's stages. They look nice and move things along quickly. The Terminator himself also looks pretty good when he appears. Otherwise, be prepared to see the same recycled police officer and thug enemy types over and over again.

Sound:

The intro music is great, with a Genesis rendition of the classic Terminator music. The rest of the game? Nothing memorable. It reminds me of the music in the Jurassic Park game for the Genesis, but not as good. Similar quality, though.

As far as the sound effects, again there is nothing special to be found here. I like the sound of the shotgun. That's all that stands out to me, though.

Overall:

This is an okay game. I enjoyed playing it, but I'm not going to lie and say it was amazing or anything like that. It's a quick playthrough that does not have much substance to it. If I had gotten this as a present when I was a kid, I would have liked it at first. But once I beat it, I would not have had much of a reason to come back to it very often. It is very short and a bit forgettable. I probably would have traded it in for a new game. That said, it was perfect for a weekend rental.

I'm glad I played this game, but I do not see much reason to return to it in the future. It gets the old C+ for me. Slightly above average.

THE GRADE:

C+

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #531: J.J. Squawkers

J.J. Squawkers

Arcade

Nostalgia Factor:

I had never heard of this game until I stumbled upon a YouTube review of it a couple of years ago. With the game's imaginative art style and wacky level design, it immediately piqued my interest. I made a mental note to check the game out someday.

A few years passed, and I kind of forgot about the game. But then, like magic, it just suddenly appeared in my mind again. I decided I should play it before I forget about it again, so I fired up my RetroPie and gave it a go. And here we are.

Story:

Here is what passes for the game's story, as explained by the opening crawl:

"What a disaster! Someone is kidnapd again. Something terrible happend to the peaceful village Pistachio ville. Villagers dissappeard one bye one. And the others gradually became cold hearted and violent. It seems as if they were hypnotized under someone's spell."

Ooooookay then. Clearly, the story does not matter one tiny bit.

Gameplay:

This is a standard 2D side scrolling shooter. Controlling your character, a little green bird dude, you make your way through five stages. You see an enemy, you blast it. You see a pit, you jump over it. It really is a very straightforward game. Just keep on moving to the right and keep on blasting.

I would not necessarily call this "bullet hell" but there is an awful lot of stuff coming at you from all directions. Prepare to take a lot of damage. You have a health meter. Get hit a certain number of times and you die. You get two lives per "quarter". When you lose that second life and have to continue, the game takes you back to the nearest checkpoint. Luckily, the game is pretty generous with its checkpoints. So even though you'll be dying and continuing a lot, you won't get stuck playing through the same areas over and over again very often.

You start with the standard weapon of the tomato. The tomato sucks. You throw it forward and it arcs, making it hard to hit enemies. Plus its range is pretty limited. Luckily, there are different weapons to be found all over the place. There's some big gear things you throw that roll forward along the ground, some screws that shoot out quickly in front of you (kind of like the daggers from Ghosts 'n Goblins), along with a few other weapons I can't think of right now. Some reviewer I am. One that doesn't take notes and one who refuses to look at Wikipedia for help.

Each stage ends with a boss battle. These battles were my favorite part of the game. While the stages are pretty simple (walk forward, shoot everything in sight, don't get hit, and don't fall to your death), the boss battles require some strategy and pattern recognition. I found them to be quite enjoyable. The final stage of the game is one big boss rush where you face all the previous bosses before squaring off against the big bad. Beat him, and you beat the game.

I wish I had a good game to compare this to, but my mind is coming up blank. Ghosts 'n Goblins? Maybe, but not nearly as hard. Contra? No. Sunset Riders? No. The Cowboys of Moo Mesa? Maybe a little closer to this game, but no. Willow for the arcade? Maybe, but not quite.

All in all, I beat this game in under an hour. Each stage only takes 5 to 10 minutes to complete. Maybe more if you factor in all the deaths and all the continues. But with only 5 stages in total, you can get through this pretty quick. I actually played through it twice for review purposes. I actually found my second playthrough harder? I'm not sure if it is something the game does on purpose (like when you beat Super Mario Bros. and all the turtles turn to beetles) or if it was all in my head. But I swear it was harder the second time around.

Graphics:

I just love the way this game looks. I was instantly drawn in by the visual design. It is like a 90s Saturday morning cartoon come to life. Bright, vibrant, and full of personality every step of the way. I always love games that look like this. 

J.J. Squawkers throws the wildest shit at you. It may be one of the trippiest games I've ever played. One moment you are throwing apples at squirrels and chipmunks, and the next level you are in a floating dream world, complete with clouds, flying bath tubs, giant lawn chairs, among many other very unusual things. Seriously, the game is wild. You actually find yourself in outer space, jumping from planet to planet, and battling giant astrology characters. There is little connective tissue with the bizarre places this game goes, and I love it for that.

Sound:

Looking back, I remember very little about the game's music and sound effects. It sounded, uh... okay - I guess? I don't remember disliking it. Kind of upbeat and intense. But ultimately nothing memorable at the end of the day.

You could blindfold me and make me listen to some game music and I would legitimately have no idea if it was this game or not.

Overall:

This was a perfectly okay gaming experience. What will I remember most about it? Probably the cartoonish graphics and the offbeat stage design. This game takes you so many places in such a short amount of time. It truly is a surreal experience. 

That said, I do not think the gameplay is anything to get too excited about. It's difficult, and oftentimes annoyingly so. I also don't think there is anything particularly original about the gameplay itself. It feels very generic, and something we haven't seen in some shape or form a million times before. 

It's hard for me to generate too much excitement for this game. It's good, yes. And I think back on my time with it favorably. But at the same time I can't say I feel particularly fulfilled or excited about it either. It's an above average title. I'll give it that. But I don't know if I can go any further than that. Got pretty annoying sometimes.

Before I go, I will mention that this game has a two player mode. Maybe I will play this with my son sometime in the future and come back and re-review the game. I always wonder if these old games improve with the two player experience or not. I am so used to playing everything myself. I guess we'll find out someday. Or maybe we won't.

THE GRADE:

C+

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #530: Legend of the Skyfish

Legend of the Skyfish

PlayStation 4

Nostalgia Factor:

I bought this game for a buck on the PlayStation Store a little over a year ago. I normally steer away from these little cheapie games, but the game's art style caught my eye. Kind of reminded me of the Sega Oasis series a bit. I looked up the game online and I saw that beating it gives you a quick and easy platinum trophy as well, so I thought sure, I'll check it out.

It took me a while to get around to finally playing the game, but here we are. Would it be any good, or would it be a waste of my precious dollar? Let's find out.

Story:

Uh, um, ermm.... There's a bad fish out there and you have to sail around a bunch of different islands until you find it and defeat it. The game attempts to tell you a story through a short cutscene at the beginning of the game, but it honestly falls flat on its face. It's a cheap, short story lacking in any real imagination or depth whatsoever. I think this is supposed to be a kids game, so I guess that makes sense.

Gameplay:

There's not much to this game. When I first started playing, I got excited a little bit because it seemed like we had a 16 bit Zelda-like game on our hands. Lush graphics, over the top perspective, character swinging a little sword. That's about where the similarities end, though.

This is not an action RPG. It is a linear game comprised of 45 stages. There are three different sections in the game, each one with 15 stages. At the end of the 15th stage, you fight a boss character. Then you move onto the next section of the game. Combat is not really the emphasis of this game, though. It is all about puzzle solving and using your head.

Your main tool is your fishing pole, which acts as a grappling hook. You either use it to pull things closer to you, or to latch onto something solid and pull yourself over to it. You'll use this tactic quite often to pull yourself over large gaps. The entire focus of the game is based on using this tactic and solving puzzles - like throwing switches and moving blocks around. Nothing too overly complicated. I can safely say I did not have to look online for help once while playing this.

Things clip along pretty quickly. It takes about an hour to make it through each section of the game. So three hours in total. If you catch on quickly and don't get stuck, you can probably knock out this entire game in one sitting.

I am not going to lie and say this was a super fun and exciting game. It's not. It's a time passer. Almost like a mobile game. Not much challenge. Quick and easy levels. But it is addicting and keeps you coming back for more. And most importantly - it is an easy platinum trophy. If you are into that kind of thing, you can't beat that!

Graphics:

The graphics are probably the highlight of this game. It is very bright and fun looking, which is what immediately drew me to the game. Everything is colorful and animated well in 2D. It's almost like a comic book version of Zelda or an Oasis game. Even my wife, who generally does not care about games, said that this looked really cool when she walked in the room.

That said, it could have looked a lot better with today's technology. It is very basic looking. The stages look exactly the same. After the initial reaction of "aww, this game looks so cute" there is not much to keep you interested visually. Just a lot of grass, trees, and water.

Sound:

The game's sound is fine, I guess. It uses the same music for every stage in the game, if I am not mistaken. That gets old pretty quickly, but luckily that one song doesn't suck or anything. Sound effects are fine, too. Just nothing special at all to be found here.

Overall:

This is an alright game. That's about all the praise I am going to offer it. It's alright. I didn't hate myself as I played through it. It's quick, fast paced, and easy. It's utterly forgettable, though. The story sucks, the gameplay is uninspired. It feels as if this was geared towards little kids - even more so than Finding Nemo, which I just played for the PS2. There is NO depth or complexity here whatsoever, and nothing that will make me come back for more.

Legend of the Skyfish is dead average. Nothing more, nothing less. I feel as if the final score should reflect that. It's going to get a C. Right in the middle. 

Oh well. It wasn't a total waste of a dollar. The game doesn't completely suck, and it was nice to add another platinum trophy to my collection. Woo hoo.

THE GRADE:

C

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #529: Finding Nemo

Finding Nemo

PlayStation 2

Nostalgia Factor:

This is a milestone review in one very important way: it is my 4-year-old son's first video game! I took him to a local used game store about two months ago and said he could pick something out for himself if he was good. And this is what he picked out.

We came home, played the game for about fifteen minutes, and then he lost interest. He has not wanted to play the game since. As I said, this was about two months ago.

I decided to come back and finish off the game. I liked what I saw from the first few levels, and I kind of figured that this would be a quick and easy game to play through and review. So here we are: Finding Nemo on the PlayStation 2. Something I normally never would have played under regular circumstances. Let's check it out.

Story:

This must be the most loyal movie to video game adaptation I've ever seen. It follows the plot of the film pretty much beat for beat, with very few deviations. I'm not going to recap the entire movie here, but actual cutscenes are plucked directly from the film and put into the game in between levels. It really moves the action along from location to location quite nicely. It felt like I was playing along with the movie. As I said, this is one of the most loyal adaptations I've ever encountered.

Gameplay:

Basic gameplay consists of 2D side scrolling swimming action. The only thing I can really compare it to is Ecco the Dolphin. One of the buttons makes you swim faster. Another one makes you charge forward. You control one of the characters from the film (which character it is depends on the stage). You must make it from the start of the stage to the end of it. You collect items, you swim through rings, and you can complete little mini tasks within the stage, like dropping different colored rocks into the corresponding color's hole. Some stages are more open ended. Like, you have to find all the characters hidden in the stage. The stage I'll always remember is the one where you are in the fish tank and you have to find and collect all the pebbles and drop them in the filter to clog it up. You have to solve a bunch of mini puzzles along the way. Tough but fun.

The game has a gold star system, where completing certain tasks within a level earns you a gold star. There are 60 in the game in total. Some of these tasks include swimming through every ring in the stage, and defeating every enemy in the stage. At first I was really concerned about collecting as many stars as I could. But then I looked online and I saw that collecting all 60 stars unlocks a hidden photo gallery or something at the end of the game. Not really worth all that trouble. So I stopped trying to get them all.

Don't expect the entire game to be side scrolling stages. There are many different gameplay variations. Expect to participate in a lot of "races" where you are trying to make it to a specific destination before the other characters. These stages take place from a behind the back perspective. Picture the 3D swimming stages in Ecco: The Tides of Time. I hate having to keep comparing this game to Ecco, because they really are quite different. But there are similarities. Swimming through rings is one of them.

Other stage variations include a matching game where you flip over cards, slide puzzles, levels where you must bounce from one object to another, and levels where you are being chased and are swimming away towards the screen (ala Crash Bandicoot).

The game is surprisingly difficult. Some of the side scrolling puzzle stages, your goal can be quite obscure. I couldn't believe I had to look online for help a few times when playing this. I also found the slide puzzles to be tough, too. I hate those things. If you die in this game, it takes you back to the nearest checkpoint. While the game is tough, you have unlimited lives, so it never becomes too frustrating.

Despite the unexpected challenge, I beat the game in a little under four hours.

Graphics:

The game looks good enough. I'm not going to say it is going to win any beauty awards. I am not even going to say it has held up particularly well. But it looks good enough, and that is all that matters to me.

The cutscenes in the game look nice. As I mentioned earlier, they are pulled right from the movie. The actual graphics in the game are noticeably not as good. A little fuzzy and a little jaggedy. But they look fine. Not ugly, not pretty either. Just a very basic representation of the events of the film.

I suppose I do have to mention that Nemo looks kind of scary when they zoom in on him sometimes.

Sound:

This game has some great sound. A nice orchestral soundtrack that makes each stage sound epic in its own way. Voice acting is good. I can't tell if the actors are actually from the movie, though? Clearly in the cutscenes they are, but then during the in-game action they sounded a bit different, especially Dory.

Can't complain at all about anything, though. This game definitely excels in the sound department.

Overall:

This game was better than I thought it would be. I came in expecting it to be terrible, but I had a decent enough time with the game. I won't say I was head over heels in love with it or anything. I can see that this isn't necessarily a "good" game. It feels a bit lazy sometimes. And it is definitely geared more towards kids than adults. It's a little bit like a mix between Ecco the Dolphin and Geronimo Stilton. 

I would say this is a slightly above average game, but that is about as far as I will go. It does not deserve a grade in the B range, but it is better than a C. So C+ it is.

Will I ever play this game again? Normally, I would say no. But who knows, my son may take an interest in this game again. I can see myself firing this up with him and making it through some of the levels again. I'll keep my save data so I can try to snag some of those hidden stars I missed. It definitely gives the game some replay value.

So there you have it: Finding Nemo, a decidedly slightly above average game. Play it if you are a fan of the franchise or you have kids. They'll probably like it because it follows the movie so closely. But if you come in expecting a great, memorable gameplay experience, you are going to be disappointed.

THE GRADE:

C+

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

2024 Movie Rankings (August)

August was a good month for movie watching, as I was able to watch twelve total for the month. Five of these twelve will be advancing to my year end ranking. The movies I watched in August were:

Serial Mom

Alien Romulus

A Fish Called Wanda

Stand By Me

Deadpool & Wolverine

Saw II

Platoon

The River Wild

Martyrs (2008)

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F

Saw III

Forrest Gump

Which five are moving on? Let's find out.

Not Moving On:

Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F

I didn't think this movie would be any good, and it somehow managed to be even worse than my expectations. It's such a dry, safe movie. Eddie Murphy is a shell of his former self. It's not funny. It's just a completely pointless paint by numbers police procedural. There were a few nice callbacks to previous movies in the series, but I found this to be very dull. Give me the much-maligned Beverly Hills Cop 3 over this any day. At least that movie knew how to have fun.

Saw II and Saw III

Don't get me wrong, I actually do like these movies. II is the superior film, but III isn't too horrible. Robert the Bruce's dumbassery almost ruined it for me, though. 

Alien Romulus

I think I would have liked this a lot more if it was not so dark. I saw it at the drive-in theater with my wife, and we both could barely make out what was happening on the screen half the time. I think I'll wait till this comes home, and then watch it in the dark with headphones on for the full experience.

The River Wild

This is a fun movie and in fact was actually my introduction to Kevin Bacon as a kid. So while most people like Kevin Bacon, I've always been leery of him for being mean to Tim from Jurassic Park in this movie. That said, it is a fun 90s adventure and while there is nothing too memorable about it, I've always enjoyed it. Just not quite good enough to crack my top 5.

Serial Mom

This is very close to cracking my top 5. It just barely misses out. It is such a fun movie. It has an awesome cast. It is funny. I love the premise of it, with a seemingly normal, perfect mom who kills everyone who makes her mad. She starts with making obscene phone calls, and it quickly accelerates after that. It is such an entertaining film. Ricki Lake is in it. The deaths are fun. There's a lot of dark humor here. 

A Fish Called Wanda

I think Mario Lanza will be very disappointed to see that this movie does not move on. It is a very fun, entertaining movie. I'm not saying I did not like it. It has some interesting twists, and I found it to be very enjoyable. However, I did not think it was the funniest movie ever made, or anything even remotely close to that. It's a fun 80s adventure movie with some comedy. It is a fast paced, fun watch, but I don't know if I'll be able to tell you much about this movie 5 years down the road from now. Maybe if I watch it again. Which I probably will. I like the movie, but I don't really have any kind of attachment to it, and I don't see it as anything more than just a fun and entertaining popcorn film.

Moving On:

Forrest Gump

This is a no-brainer for me. I've loved this movie ever since I first saw it as a kid. I haven't seen it in a very long time by my standards (since 2016). So it has been a good 8 years. But I think it has been a perfect amount of time. It kept me captivated from beginning to end. I noticed things I'd never noticed before. This is my first time watching it as a dad, and I have to admit that there were a few moments that brought a tear to my eye. As much as I've always loved this movie, it has never been one I cried for. But not this time. I've softened in my old age.

Anyway, yeah, I love Forrest Gump and I thoroughly enjoyed every second of it. Special shout out to the music, which is great. And the Vietnam scene inspired me to watch Platoon right after this. Don't be surprised to see this movie do well in my year-end ranking.

Martyrs (2008)

I first saw this back in 2017, which was 7 years ago. It ranked #2 on my favorite movie list of 2017. This is my first time coming back and watching it again. I am not sure it will place that high this time around, but it definitely deserves a shot to make my top 5 and move on. It is such a grim, hopeless tale that really beats you over the head like no other movie I have seen before. There are some genuinely scary moments in the movie, too. It is hard to get an emotional reaction, one way or another, out of me when watching a movie, and this one definitely does that. It's a very uncomfortable watch. And I oddly enjoy it.

Deadpool & Wolverine

I don't get to see movies in the theater very often anymore, so this movie stood out as a real treat for me and my wife. Not only were we getting out of the house and doing something fun, but we got to enjoy a fun movie with characters that we like. Lots of hilarious jokes, as well as Easter Eggs to other Marvel properties. I loved every second of it. That said, there are things about it that do not work, and when it comes to my year-end ranking, this movie has no chance of winning whatsoever. It's a good, entertaining movie that I had fun watching, but it will not go down as "a movie to be remembered" when all is said and done.

Platoon

While I've never been a big fan of war movies, I've always had a special place in my heart for Platoon. It has such a good cast of characters. Everyone is well fleshed out. I always enjoyed the scene when it is night time and everyone is splitting up to enjoy some R and R. Willem Defoe in the drug tent is hilarious and awesome. His character is just great in this movie. The music is flawless as well. 

It is a tense film. Not just about the horrors of war (although there is plenty of that) but also about interpersonal conflict between the characters that boils over into madness. I love it. 

Stand By Me

I've always related to this movie growing up. I haven't watched it in a very long time so I figured I'd watch it again. It is every bit as good as I remember. I don't remember there being so many Goonies parallels though. It's crazy. Anyway, this is a solid, emotional movie with a lot of emotional moments and some good character development. I found some of the crying to be a little forced and unnatural, though. One of my favorite movie quotes is from this film: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"

With these 5 movies advancing, here is a look at the top 40. 8 months down, 4 to go! At the end, we'll have 60 movies - 5 from each month that move on. And then I will determine my favorite. In no particular order, here are the 40 that have moved on:

Last Night

Doctor Sleep

A Star is Born

Mystic River

Stand By Me

Dune (1984)

Dune: Part One

Dune: Part Two

Legends of the Fall

Cloverfield

Glass

The Shape of Water

Milo and Otis

Gerald's Game

Dr. Giggles

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition

Ghost

Milk

Forrest Gump

Platoon

Fried Green Tomatoes

The Four Falls of Buffalo

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Open Water

Old

The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker

Bone Tomahawk

Deadpool & Wolverine

Grizzly Man

Dumb and Dumber

The Skeleton Key

The Illusionist

The Prestige

Rear Window

Martyrs (2008)

Transformers

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Extended Edition

The Disaster Artist

Saw

Halloween

Past 2024 rankings:

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<