Dan Geeks Out: Video Game Review #346: Frogger II: Threedeep!

Frogger II: Threedeep!

Atari 2600

Nostalgia Factor:

Back in 1984 I was two years old, most likely running the house around causing lots of mayhem as a toddler. But as a two year old, I was far too young to be able to play video games, or even have a decent understanding of how they worked. Even though I’ve come back and played a ton of retro games since then, there are still several old games that have managed to slip past my radar. That’s why I’m doing this little yearly review tour – almost as a kind of mop-up duty for all the good things I’d missed as a kid.

Unfortunately, Frogger II is not one of those good things. Now, I’ve played the original Frogger many, many times in my life. I even did a review of the Genesis version of the game a couple of years ago – and I really liked it. But this second game… man. It’s brutal. If there are other versions out there I’ll have to check them out someday. This Atari 2600 version, though.

*sigh*

Story:

If this game has a story, I don’t know anything about it as it is never explained in the game. You play as a frog looking to find safety through sea, air, and land – and that’s all I know.

Gameplay:

There are three different level types to be found in this game.

The first level type is an underwater stage. I found this stage to be the easiest and most enjoyable to play. It's basically the equivalent of navigating through traffic in the first Frogger game. You have to dodge and weave your way through a bunch of underwater creatures while avoiding getting pulled away by a current. Make it to the top of the stage and enter one of the little mud frog huts and you win.

The second level type looks the most like what you would have seen in the first Frogger game. You're on the surface of the water and you have to jump across floating logs, lily pads, and other obstacles in order to get to the top of the screen. Once you get to the top, you have to wait for a tugboat to come by, and then hop into the little raft it is tugging in order to complete the stage.

The third level type is a giant mess. You have to bounce up into the air and jump from bird to bird in order to reach the exit point at the top of the stage. It's so difficult and the controls are so bad that I have never been able to pass one of these stages, ever.

The only stage types that are even remotely playable are the underwater levels, and even those get old real quick. I wanted to like the ones where you jump across logs and lily pads, but the platforming elements for these stages seem a bit broken to me. You can jump and only half-land on something and it doesn't count against you. I think I had one pixel touching a log once, and I didn't lose a life even though 99 percent of my body was hanging over the water. The jumping and the maneuvering is ridiculously imprecise, to the point where it felt way too easy to get to the top of the screen. But then when I would get to the top of the screen, the tugboat wouldn't be pulling anything 99% of the time and I would have nowhere to go in order to complete the level. I'd just be standing there and waiting at the top of the screen until the timer ran out. Seriously, what the F are you supposed to do when the level exit just simply never appears? Is the game broken or am I missing something?

While I'm on the subject of broken, I have to mention those stages where you have to jump from bird to bird. I don't even know how it is possible to beat these stages. I understand how you have to bounce to a higher platform, but once you are there the frog can't jump high enough to get to the top of the level - rendering it unbeatable. Talk about broken.

So of the three stage types, only one of them is actually playable. Yay.

Graphics:

The game looks like shit. Just check out the screenshots I've posted. Bonus points to you if you can even figure out what you are looking at.

Sound:

The game sounds like shit too. It's eerily silent most of the time, with the exception of the annoying sound it makes when you move your character. Seriously, were the makers of this game even trying?

Overall:

In case you couldn't tell, I did not enjoy this game. It's pointless, it's broken, it's got shit graphics, shit sound, and it is not any fun to play whatsoever.

You have absolutely no reason to play this game. It's right up there with Kool-Aid Man as one of the worst games I have ever played and reviewed for this blog.

THE GRADE:

40th Birthday Mop Up Duty Celebration Tour:

1982 Reviews:

1983:

1984:

Frogger II: Threedeep (the review you're reading)