Wednesday, March 30, 2022

Video Game Review #350: Gun.Smoke

Gun.Smoke
Arcade




Nostalgia Factor:

Gun.Smoke is a game that I didn’t know when I was growing up. It was released for the arcades in 1985, so I would have only been about three years old at the time. It must have either not been a popular game, or it was phased out very quickly as I do not recall seeing it anywhere when I was a kid - and I visited a LOT of bowling alleys, skating rinks, and arcades in my youth. It was also ported to the NES in 1988, but I don’t recall ever hearing about it or seeing it on the NES either. It was a game that always managed to completely evade my attention, for some reason or another.

I first became aware of this game in late 2021 – 36 years after its initial release. When I got my RetroPie, it was one of the first things I added to my queue. When I saw that it was a 1985 game, I thought oh perfect – this would be a great game to check out for my little 40th birthday game review tour. I played it on my Pie, using save states to help me along since the game was so ungodly difficult, I never would have been able to beat it without them. I got all the way to the second-to-last stage of the game... when disaster struck. I saved my progress in the middle of a tough fire fight. I don’t know what I hit or what I pressed, but this menu popped up on the screen, covering up everything that was happening in the game while it still continued to play. In a moment of panic I hit buttons to try and close this menu, but I must have accidentally made some kind of selection. The game bugged out on me, running at about three times its normal speed, making it virtually impossible to play. The problem persisted even when I exited out of the game and came back. No amount of troubleshooting worked. I had completely and irreparably messed the game up on my RetroPie.

I almost just moved on and put Gun.Smoke in my rearview mirror. To be honest, I didn’t like the game very much anyway. If I was going to accidentally wreck a game on my RetroPie, at least it was something I didn’t enjoy that much. But I kept thinking back on the game. Thinking back on all the unfinished business I’d be leaving behind. The OCD part of my brain does not like to start games and then not finish them. I’d end up finding an alternative way to play this game on my laptop. And I’d end up beating it – using save states of course. Was it worth all of that hassle, though? I guess it’s time to give you the rundown.


 

Story:

There are bandits that are terrorizing a town in the Old West, and it is up to you to track them down and brutally murder them.



 
Gameplay:

The best way I can describe Gun.Smoke is that it is like a mix between Sunset Riders and classic arcade shooters like Ikari Warriors or Guerilla War. Like Sunset Riders, the game is set in the Old West. Also like Sunset Riders, each stage begins by showing you a wanted poster of the big bad villain you are trying to kill. You have to fight through the stage, kill the bad guy at the end of the stage, and then move onto the next one. Rinse and repeat until you beat the final boss at the end of the game. But aside from the general premise, this is where the similarities end.

Gameplay is more like the aforementioned Guerilla War or Ikari Warriors. It takes place from an isometric/overhead viewpoint. You control your character, who tends to hang out near the bottom of the screen. The screen itself is constantly scrolling upwards. You can move up, down, left, and right on the field of action. You can fire your weapon in three different directions in front of you. Enemies are constantly popping up on the screen to try and shoot you. You have to dodge their shots and kill them before they kill you. And kill you they will.

Gun.Smoke is insanely hard. Insanely hard. It gives the phrase “bullet hell” a brand new meaning. There are constantly bullets coming your way. I think I’ve counted something like a dozen or more of them on the screen at one time before. Just staying alive becomes a near-impossible feat – on the very first stage of the game! One hit and you die. You don’t just jump right back in with another life, you have to go back to the game’s latest checkpoint, which in many cases can be something like two or three minutes in the past. There are no checkpoints before boss battles, so if you die during a boss fight you have to replay half the entire stage again. One of the many reasons I didn’t feel guilty using save states. Life’s too short for that shit.

Your character can only fire forwards, and this caused many, many problems as I played. Enemies appear on the screen from all directions. In front of you, off to the side, even behind you if you are high up enough on the screen. Once an enemy gets behind you, it is very difficult to stay alive. He’ll fire shots at you constantly, constantly. And since you can only fire in the forward direction, this makes it very difficult to kill him. You have to zig and zag all over the screen, hoping to trick the enemy into moving up on the screen and getting in front of you – all while dodging about 90 bullets and trying to kill other enemies in the process. The enemies just simply do not stop coming and do not stop shooting at you. I’ve always considered myself good at games like this, but Gun.Smoke humbled me FAST.

You can pick up items as you go, most of which are uncovered by shooting and destroying barrels. This was always a double-edged sword for me, because if you stop and take the time to destroy barrels, enemies will begin to surround you since they constantly respawn so quickly. You have to weigh the benefits of going after gun/speed increasing items versus getting hit and having to go back to the last checkpoint – losing whatever item you would have picked up in the process. Another reason I didn’t feel guilty using save states as I played this.

The item that was the most helpful to me was the horse. When you ride the horse, you immediately get a speed boost. Not only this, but your horse can take up to three hits before you are thrown off of it. Three hits in this game is HUGE. If you even get hit once when you are on foot, you immediately die. The horse was really the only major item that I would go out of my way to collect.

I don’t know if this game is long, or if it just seems long because of all the dying you do. It’s ten stages long. Each stage would take about 5 to 7 minutes to beat without dying. With dying, some of them are about half hour long. Seriously. You die a LOT in this game and I cannot stress that enough. By the time I got to level 5 or 6, I was just DONE with this game. It felt like I had been playing it for hours and hours on end. Imagine my chagrin when the game pooped out on my Pie and I had to play the whole thing from the beginning over again.

One last complaint before I move on has to do with the boss battles. I don’t know what system this game uses for hit detection, but it is absolutely terrible. Most bosses have a power gauge with about five bars. Each hit takes a bar off, until zero remain – and then the boss dies. This is how it should work, I should say. I can’t tell you how many times I would sit there and just fire round and round into the boss, only to have nothing happen whatsoever. Other times I would shoot the boss and he would take damage immediately. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to the hit detection. And honestly it ended up making these boss battles feel very, very cheap. Particularly when you get killed and have to replay half the stage over again, only to die in the first 20 seconds fighting the boss again. Very frustrating. Yet another reason I don’t feel any guilt about using save states to beat this game.




Graphics:

You better get used to looking at the same color scheme over and over again. Lots of dirt and sand. Lots of empty looking buildings. The occasional tree or body of water. There's nothing too impressive about the stage visuals.

The characters populating this world are nothing to write home about either. I mean, you get what you see and nothing more. Little guys in cowboy hats with big guns. Some of the bosses have a little bit of personality, but that's it. I would never say this game is ugly, because it is not, but I do have to say that its graphics are as completely middle-of-the-road as you can possibly get.




Sound:

The music is nothing special either. The best I can say about it is that it matches the game's visuals and tone perfectly. To be honest, however, I could barely hear the music over the firing of the guns and all the game's constant little sound effects.




Overall:

From what I've been able to gather from a few of the retro gaming Facebook groups I'm in, Gun.Smoke is a revered title that people remember fondly. I feel as if I'm going to get some hate for the grade I'm about to give this game. My sole criteria when I review a game is if I had any fun or not. And I'm sorry, I just didn't have any fun with this game. I also don't have any nostalgic feelings for it, so even nostalgia can't save it from the misery of me giving it a D+.

It's too hard. That's really what it boils down to. You die constantly. You get sent back to checkpoints and have to replay long sections of levels over again, probably dying multiple times along the way. If you're lucky enough to make it to a boss unscathed, you better hope luck is on your side and you don't get hit by one of the 40,000 projectiles or enemies that are all over your screen.

All the levels look the same. There's little variety in the scenery or the enemy types. The power ups you get are weak and completely underwhelming. You barely even notice that they've done anything. Really, the only power up worth getting is the horse.

What can I say? I wasn't impressed by Gun.Smoke. I like these types of arcade games. I like the game's concept. It just didn't come together in the fun department for me.



THE GRADE:
D+



Gun.Smoke (the review you are reading!)

and coming shortly, 
1985's Gradius


For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

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Monday, March 28, 2022

Video Game Review #349: Ghosts 'n Goblins

Ghosts 'n Goblins
Arcade




Nostalgia Factor:

I've already played and reviewed the NES version of Ghosts 'n Goblins. Check it out here if you want. This review is for the arcade version of Ghosts 'n Goblins, which I previously had never played before. It came out in 1985, so that officially makes it the first game in my 1985 series of reviews. Congrats on the accomplishment, Ghosts 'n Goblins!

But in all seriousness, when I look back at my review for the NES version of this game, I can't believe I gave it an A-. I like the game and I grew up with it, sure, but it's never been one of my favorites. It always seems like such a chore to play, and I never truly have that much fun when I play it. If I could go back and drop the score to something like a B or B-, I totally would.

What would my thoughts be on the arcade version of the game? Let's find out.




Story:

If you are familiar with the storyline of the NES game, you should know what to expect here, as it is pretty much exactly the same. Our buddy Arthur is chilling half-naked in a graveyard with Princess Prin Prin, when a red devil appears and kidnaps her right in front of Arthur's very eyes. 

Arthur straps on his armor and heads off on a quest to defeat the king of the Demon World and get the Princess back.




Gameplay:

Seeing as how I've already reviewed the NES version of the game, I don't want to retread too much familiar ground with explaining how this game works. It's a platformer. You kill enemies. You jump over obstacles. You fight bosses. You die all the freaking time. When you beat the game you have to do it again, this time using a shield weapon to defeat the final boss. It's a pain in the ass is what it is.

The arcade game is even tougher and more unforgiving than the NES version. It seems like more enemies are constantly respawning around you, more projectiles constantly coming your way. Bats and other random obstacles appear out of nowhere to do damage to you. Bosses are tougher. And those red demons... they may be my most hated enemy in all of video gaming. They don't have any set patterns, and they're so unpredictable. I could be cruising along, no problems, whatsoever, and then a single red demon kills me in ten seconds. I hate them, and the trick that you can use in the NES game of hitting them on the edge of the screen and then running away to make them disappear doesn't work here. They are the worst thing about this game.

The second worst thing? Their boss form. When you get to the end of the game and have to fight the boss varieties of these red demons, they are SO FREAKING HARD!! I died dozens and dozens of times against these things. It got to the point where I had to use save states to keep retrying the fight, because every time you die you have to play the entire level over again, and I do NOT have the time for that.

Overall I found this game to be much more frustrating than the NES version of the game. I wanted to chuck this out the window more times than I could count. Honestly, I had a pretty miserable time with this. And to have to play through it twice? Ugh. They didn't even give me the shield my second time through the game, and I had to play through the last several levels yet again before they finally gave it to me. Talk about frustrating.




Graphics:

One area where this game is better than the NES version is graphically. It is so much more colorful, and there is so much more detail in the characters and the settings. This game definitely has more of a fun and cartoonish look compared to the NES version.

By 1985's standards, this was definitely one of the best looking arcade games out there, period.




Sound:

While this version probably technically sounds better than the NES version, I actually preferred the NES soundtrack to this game's. The music is still really good, and honestly it is an iconic soundtrack if I've ever heard one. But I prefer the slightly more primitive sounding NES music. It just has a charm to it that this version's music does not.

And I must admit: I found the little jingle that plays after you die to be very, very grating after listening to it about 300 times.




Overall:

I can't imagine being able to beat this game in the arcades, back in the day. It would have taken me about 50 dollars to even have a chance, and even then I don't know if I could have done it the way the game puts you at the start of the stage when you die at the end of the game. Those final stages and those bosses are so dang tough, and you have to play perfectly to even have the slightest chance of making it through.

The more I played this game, the more I realized that Ghosts 'n Goblins really isn't a great game. While it may look better than the NES version cosmetically, this version is even more annoying and frustrating. I was so glad when I beat it, because I knew that I would never have to play it again.

And that's not a good thing. No game should make you feel that way. I gave the NES version what I feel to be an undeserved score of an A-. Now's my chance to make up for it by totally shitting all over the arcade version of the game.

I wouldn't discourage anyone from checking this game out if they are really curious about it. Just don't expect to have a good time with it.



THE GRADE:
D+





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Video Game Review #348: Pitfall II: Lost Caverns

Pitfall II: Lost Caverns
Atari 2600




Nostalgia Factor:

Here we go, my last review for Mop Up Duty for the year 1984. Checked off of my list are Frogger II and Cloak & Dagger. Now it's time for some Pitfall II: Lost Caverns!

I played and reviewed the original Pitfall for the 2600 a few weeks ago. While I acknowledged the game's limitations, I still had a pretty enjoyable time with it. I ended up giving it a C, which is a decent grade considering the game's complete lack of replay ability. I considered the game a cut above a lot of the other crap I've played for the 2600 over the years, so it certainly had that going for it.

I have never played Pitfall II before, so when I saw that it came out in 1984 I knew I had to check it out for my 1984 series. From what I had read, it was one of the last games ever released for the 2600. Critically, it had also gotten a lot of praise for being one of the best games ever released on the system. If my mind wasn't already made up, it was after reading those reviews. Would Pitfall II live up to the hype, or would it be another mediocre effort for the 2600? Let's find out.




Story:

I don't really know anything about this game's story, as nothing is explained in-game and I do not have access to this game's manual. But from what I could gather while playing, you return to the action as Pitfall Harry. Harry seems to have lost his niece and his pet lion inside this giant, treasure-filled system of caverns. He needs to search through these caverns, saving his buddies and recovering a valuable lost ring in the process. Collect all three of these "items" and the game ends with Harry doing a happy dance. Go Harry, go Harry, go!




Gameplay:

Unlike the first Pitfall game, where you are really only going left or right in a straight line, Pitfall II lets you explore a vast and deep system of caverns. You can climb up to new screens by climbing ladders, or you can climb down to new screens the same way (or by simply taking a leap of faith). You can go left and right as well, but you are not limited to that. In fact, if you want to make it very far in this game at all, you are going to need to descend into the cavern system in your first few minutes of playing.

There are several tweaks to the gameplay formula here, such as the ability to swim in water. Gone are the abilities to swing across ropes or jump across crocodiles in the water, which is kind of sad. When I think of Pitfall, I think of these things so it does suck to see them gone. You'll quickly forget about them, however, as I believe this game offers much more rich and fulfilling gameplay.

You can almost use the term "open world" to describe this game. You aren't stuck on linear path. You can explore this system of caverns in any direction you choose, moving from one screen to the next. The entire game is essentially just one giant stage. I believe I read that there are something like 72 screens in total to explore.

There is natural wildlife in this game that will kill you, but you can't fight them. You have to dodge them or jump over them to get by them, similar to how you deal with them in the first game. Pitfall 2 also offers the ability to grab hold of balloons and use them to help you "fly" through certain sections of these caverns. Using these balloons is essential if you want to beat the game. My first time attempting to play through this game, I wasn't even aware of the balloons' existence, and I ended up getting stuck for like 15 minutes because I ran into a dead end. Turns out that in order to trigger the balloons' appearance, you have to stand on one of the game's screens and just wait for them to appear - at which point you jump up and grab a hold of it. I'm someone who is always moving, always GO GO GO, so if I didn't turn to the internet for help I might still be sitting there wondering what the heck I was supposed to do next.

Once you've explored the caverns thoroughly and have collected all the items you need, the game ends. This is a pretty short game. Can probably be beaten in less than 20 minutes if you know what you are supposed to do. I suppose going for the highest possible score adds some replay value to the game, but you know my stance on that. I'm not a big fan of games where your only goal is to get the highest score. I want to be able to say I completed the game, and then I am out and I move onto the next game. That's exactly what happened here.




Graphics:

This is perhaps the best looking 2600 game I have seen. Pitfall 2's jungle cavern setting is brought to life to the best of the system's capabilities. Right off the bat you see trees, water, even a sunset in the background. Pitfall Harry is looking dapper as ever. The game's wildlife is comprised of bats, scorpions, and frogs - all of which look pretty good. The treasures are shiny and they stand out onscreen. It always feels rewarding when you collect one of them. By today's standards this game may not look too horribly impressive, but for the 2600 I have to say it is very good.





Sound:

Unlike many 2600 games that are eerily silent as you play them, Pitfall 2 actually has stage music. Wow, what a breakthrough! Even the first Pitfall game didn't have stage music. Yeah, the music is repetitive and honestly it is nothing to write home about, but I have to admit that it is still better than no stage music at all. I like how it plays clown or circus music whenever you are riding a balloon.

The sound effects are nothing special. Just your average boinging sounds you hear all the time for the 2600. In fact, everything may even be recycled from the first Pitfall game.




Overall:

This is one of the very best games the Atari 2600 has to offer. The graphics and the setting are nice. There's actual music. The game has an attainable goal, and it can be beaten to completion. Things don't loop endlessly, although you can explore the game to its fullest and go for that high score if you wanted to squeeze a little replay value out of this. Overall I would say I had a really fun, pleasant time with this game.

Pitfall 2 doesn't have that classic Atari frustration. I wouldn't say the game is easy, but it is very manageable. There is no set amount of lives, so when you die you simply restart from the latest checkpoint. Not having to deal with the frustration of starting from the beginning every time you mess up is such a giant relief and it allows you to relax and just enjoy the game. Of everything I have played for the 2600, this is definitely the one that comes closest to matching the quality of a game on the NES.

As much as I am praising it, it's still going to get a mediocre final grade. I would consider this title above average, but I don't think it's good enough to rank in the B range. It's too short. There's again a limited amount of replay value to be found here, just like with this game's predecessor. As good as this game looks and sounds by 2600 standards, it is still quite dated. I don't have any nostalgic feelings for the game either. Maybe if I had grown up playing this game as a kid and it meant something to me, I might be able to convince myself it deserves a B ranking. But it doesn't even have that going for it.

Look, I want to give it a higher score, but I know that compared to some of the games I still have yet to play and review, Pitfall 2 doesn't even come close to matching their quality. Even though it may possibly be the best game ever made for the 2600, it still pales in comparison with what's to come on my Mop Up Duty tour.



THE GRADE:
C+



40th Birthday Mop Up Duty Celebration Tour:

1982 Reviews:
1983:
1984:
Pitfall II: Lost Caverns (the review you're reading)

Next up: 1985's:


For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click


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Wednesday, March 23, 2022

The Beatdown: Ranking all 12 podcasts I follow from best to worst

Podcasts have been dominating my life the last year or so. Whether I’m watching over my little baby, hanging out at home, or driving in my car, I’ve usually got an earbud or two plugged in and a podcast going in the background. Since ranking things is something I absolutely love to do when I’m invested in something, I figured I’d take the time to rank the podcasts I’m listening to, from best to worst. Are you ready for this epic smackdown? I sure hope so. Let’s start off with #1, and let the drama ensue!


#1:
The Survivor Historians Podcast
Hosted by Mario Lanza, Jay Fischer, Mike Bloom, and Paul Asleson

 
This is the podcast that kicked things off for me last year. One of my favorite activities during the warmer months was to take my baby out for long walks in the neighborhood. At first, I just walked and pushed the stroller without listening to anything, but after a few weeks of doing this I figured I’d check out a podcast or two to keep my mind occupied. I brought this idea up on Facebook and someone suggested to me The Survivor Historians podcast since I was such a big fan of the show. And that’s what I did. I started at the beginning, a combination episode that talked about several seasons. The podcast immediately hooked me because two of the hosts were people I’d encountered in the online Survivor community – Mario Lanza and Beatles (who never returned to the podcast after the very first episode).

As soon as I started this podcast I knew instantly I was going to be a big fan. Listening to the hosts talk about a subject I loved and seeing their sense of humor and chemistry with one another got me hooked right off the bat. I liked the fact that they spoke openly and that they weren’t necessarily PC like everyone tends to be these days. I loved the talk of BJs in Borneo and old ladies falling and Zoe deepthroating Snickers bars, and all that fun stuff.

As I continued to listen to the podcast, I began to feel more and more like I knew and was friends with the hosts, and I was just a silent observer during their conversations - which is a sign of a great podcast. Early in the podcast’s run they held a contest for a new host when one of them moved to Germany and couldn’t participate anymore. It’s too bad I was several years too late because I would have loved to audition!

The podcast got me reinvested in the show, too. Initially I didn’t have any plans to rewatch Survivor from the beginning since I had just finished a ten-year rewatch in 2020. But the podcast got me so interested in the older seasons that I fired them up and followed along.

I made it all the way through Survivor Panama (Exile Island) before winter came. I was going to keep listening to the podcast, but it “wasn’t the same” listening to it at home or in the car. I associated it with walking the baby, which obviously wasn’t happening during the frigid winter months. So now I am on hiatus from both the podcast and my rewatch of the show. I plan to resume both when the weather gets warmer and I can start taking the baby out again. Cook Islands, here we come!

The break actually turned out great because in the meantime I’ve discovered Australian Survivor and I’ve been obsessed with that for a while now. I anticipate that once I’m all caught up with that show, it will almost be summer time and I can return to US Survivor and the Historians podcast once again.

See, everything does have a way of coming together in the end.
 

#2:
Worth it or Worthless: A Retro Game Podcast
Hosted by Dan and Jordan

Worth it or Worthless is the second podcast that I started listening to, which was shortly after I began the Survivor Historians. It’s funny that they are 1 and 2 on my list. You always think fondly upon your firsts, amiright?

In this podcast, the two hosts (Dan and Jordan) play through an old game from Dan’s retro collection, talk about what the game does and doesn’t do well, and then make the determination if the game is worth it or worthless by today’s standards – according to what the game is selling for in present times. I like the dynamic between Dan and Jordan, two life long friends. Dan is the one who grew up more of a “hardcore” gamer, while Jordan is more of a casual gamer. A lot of the games they play are co-op, and one of the running jokes is how Dan is always so much better at the games. Another running joke I enjoy is how Dan usually has some well thought out criticism of the games, while Jordan tends to nitpick the cutscenes and the lore of each game. Dan’s exasperated sigh followed by the way he simply says “Jordan” when Jordan starts one of these rants is always just so funny to me.

One thing I love about this podcast is how much it has improved since it first began. The very first episode of the podcast was from August of 2018. Where I am now in the podcast (episode 47) it is July of 2020. In those two years, they’ve added things like trivia questions and listener feedback – and each episode ends with some fun music inspired by or directly pulled from the game they just played.

While I don’t agree with their assessments of every game (they say Mario 2 and Sonic 3 suck… wtf?), I do love the banter between the two hosts as they share their memories of the game and then what their thoughts were after they played it again in present times. Often when determining if a game is worth it or not, they’ll compare it to the price of a burrito at Chipotle and whether or not the game would be worth playing against the cost of a burrito.

This is a super fun podcast. It’s sweet, it’s charming. Dan and Jordan’s long-lasting friendship is evident in the way they talk to each other, and it makes you want to be friends with them as well. Funny – even though I’ve been listening to them for nearly a year now I still have no idea what either one looks like. I definitely recommend this to anyone interested in retro gaming podcasts.

 

#3:
The Retrograde: A Video Game Podcast
Hosted by Andrew Bascom and Mikey Ehrenworth

 

This is another podcast I started listening to in 2021 as I would take my baby for a walk each day in his stroller. I’m not sure what led me to this podcast – I think I just searched for “retro video games” in Podbean, and boom The Retrograde came up. Admittedly, I wasn’t sold on this one immediately. The hosts seemed a little too “spastic” for me. Very high energy, almost as if they were trying too hard to be entertaining. Each podcast starts with the hosts bantering for about 20 to 30 minutes before they actually get to talking about the game in the episode’s title. For example, in one of the first episodes of this podcast they talked about the new Jumanji movie along with some other strangely off-topic things before they ever got to the actual game they were supposed to be reviewing itself. This was a little off-putting for me. A few of the earlier episodes were completely non-game related too. They’d talk about Marvel movies and they’d rank them in order of worst to best, they held a Pokemon fantasy draft, that kind of thing.

The premise of the podcast is that they pick a retro game to play – and then they give it a ranking (based solely on nostalgia) of what they would have ranked the game when it first came out. Each score is somewhere from a 1 to 4. Since there are two hosts, the highest possible total is an 8. Then they play the game and again give it a score of 1 through 4, this time based on playing it in the present times. So the score is out of a possible 16 points, or bits as they like to say.

The thing I don’t like about this podcast is how harsh they are on some of these older games. According to these guys, Star Fox 64, Wolfenstein 3D, Sonic the Hedgehog, and many other games that I would consider “classics” suck. They always say that the controls are outdated and make the games impossible to play. I can tell you from personal experience: I have played through all three of these games in the last few years and I think they are just as good now as they were before. I didn’t have any problems with the controls whatsoever. In a way, it almost seems like they are blaming the game for them sucking at the game. I know, I know. If they ever actually read this post they will probably deny this, but hey I call it like I see it.

Despite this, I still absolutely love this podcast. While I once considered their energy “spastic” it has now begun to grow on me as a listener. These guys are absolutely hilarious, and even if I don’t always agree with their verdicts on these games, I still can’t wait to see what they have to say about them. A running gag that I enjoy is when they talk to “Producer Elliott.” In the early episodes they’d always ask this mysterious individual questions, to which they’d get no response. Then they’d joke about Producer Elliott being asleep. As the podcast has went on, Producer Elliott has actually turned into a real person (what sounds like a woman) and they find creative ways to get her involved in the podcast – like researching and looking things up on the spot. I don’t know why, but I just always really enjoy these interactions.

Andrew and Mikey still occasionally do off-topic things (like they recently had a Street Fighter character draft, and they’ve been talking a lot about “new” games like Spider Man and God of War) but that doesn’t bother me either. I look forward to listening to these podcasts and genuinely get excited when I fire up a new one. If I had made this ranking just 3 or 4 months ago, this podcast likely would have been several spots below where it is now. But it is rising fast.

Another thing for me to get excited about is that even though I’ve only listened to 24 of their podcasts, they have published over 200 of them in real time. So I just have a TON of them to listen to. That’ll give me and Mikey and Andrew even more chances to “bond” in the upcoming years. I am so, so excited about that. Don’t be surprised if this podcast moves into my top 2 at some point in the future.

  

#4:
Collateral Gaming Video Game Podcast
Hosted by Ashley and Dakota Chancellor

 

This is another podcast that I randomly found while searching Podbean for gaming podcasts. Apparently this is an offshoot of a different podcast called Collateral Cinema – and they often have Collateral Cinema people on these episodes - most notably Bo, a guy who who sounds drunk half the time and who never actually plays any of the games. He just said in one of the last podcasts I listened to that he was born in 1982, which is funny because that's my birth year as well. Happy 40th, my dude. I am not familiar with Collateral Cinema on the whole, however, and have not listened to any of their podcasts yet. Maybe I will in the future?

What is different about this podcast from the other gaming podcasts I listen to is that it is not solely focused on retro games. They’ve had episodes for games like No Man’s Sky, The Last of Us, Spider-Man, Red Dead Redemption 2, Subnautica, PT: Silent Hills, among many other games that I would consider new or newer.

While these hosts may not be as charismatic as Dan and Jordan or Mikey and Andrew, they make up for it in their knowledge and passion of the games they play. So many of these games I have absolutely zero interest in playing or replaying, but the way they talk about them completely changes my mind. I also enjoy how we get small little details into the lives of the hosts, like when Ashley became a father (which is poignant for me because I recently became a father too) and other life events that are happening with them. It makes you think more of them than just some person who solely exists to make podcasts. They have their own lives and things happening outside of this. They also say at the start of nearly every episode that it is a 420 friendly podcast, which makes me chuckle a bit.

There’s no inside jokes or really anything that makes this podcast stand out from the 3 that are ahead of it on my list. I guess I can add that one thing I really enjoy is how they often intersperse long clips of cutscenes from games throughout the podcast. My favorite example of this is when they played the audio from the Last of Us intro, when Joel’s daughter dies. Way to make me cry in my car, guys!

If you simply want to listen to a bunch of guys talk about video games, then this is the podcast for you. There’s just something comforting  about these episodes that I love. It’s become my “drive home from work” podcast that I listen to every week.

Oh before I move on, to answer a question you had in one of your podcasts: no you don’t have Texas accents – at least from my Wisconsin-based viewpoints. You all just sound like any other people.

 
#5:
The Leftovers – Post Show Recaps
Hosted by Josh Wigler and Antonio Mazzaro


Hey, a podcast that isn’t gaming related! I just finished watching through the Leftovers for the first time about 2 months ago – and I absolutely loved the show. It may go down as one of my top 5 TV shows of all time, I loved it that much. I wasn’t quite ready to move on from the show (irony anyone?) so I searched through Podbean to see if there were any podcasts dedicated to the Leftovers. And that’s how I discovered this one.

From what I can gather, this isn’t the first time these hosts have worked together. They’ve periodically mentioned their recaps of the show The Strain, as well as being in some kind of podcasting network where Rob Cesternino is involved. Kind of funny, because Rob Cesternino was a guest on the Survivor Historians once – and I am also aware of “Rob Has a Podcast” although I have never listened to it before. It may be one of the first podcasts I have ever heard of (period) so kudos to you, Rob, for being a trendsetter. I tried adding Rob has a Podcast to my Podbean queue, but it doesn’t start from the very beginning so I took it off. I’m one of those people that won’t watch/play/listen to something unless it’s from the very beginning. It’s an OCD thing, I think.

ANYWAY, this is a really great podcast. I like the chemistry between the two hosts. Antonio sounds exactly like a guy I work with named Ed, so I can’t get Ed’s image out of my head when listening to this podcast, almost as if Ed was a host himself. I love listening to their progression as they’ve gone from “The Leftovers is okay” into season two where they now seem to be huge fans of the show. They’ve offered a lot of insightful commentary on the show and they’ve brought up Easter Eggs and things happening in the background that I never would have noticed before (which is one of the main reasons I started listening to this – so yay for that!).

I love their humor. They make me laugh so much each episode. Their enthusiasm for “The BBA” aka the Big Bald Asshole aka Dean is just hilarious to me for some reason. I remember Dean had been AWOL for a few episodes in season 1, and when he returned they were all excited like “It’s the BBA! Our buddy! I missed him, did you miss him?”. That made me laugh so much. My only complaint is that they agree on everything, always. I can’t count how many times one of them says “I think you’re totally right” each and every episode. It would be nice to see some conflict or differing opinions from time to time, but I am not going to whine too much about this.

Fantastic podcast, and I always look forward to listening to more. If you are curious where I am right now – I am on the recap of Season 2 Episode 4.
 

#6:
Arcade Attack Retro Gaming Podcast
Hosted by Keith, Adrian, Dylan, and James


I’ll admit, I absolutely hated this podcast when I first started listening to it. I almost removed it from my subscriptions completely, but I am glad I didn’t. The earlier episodes were a bit chaotic as they hadn’t quite figured things out yet. The audio was bad, people were talking over one another, they were making references I didn’t understand, and their British accents reminded me too much of Dan and Phil – a couple of YouTubers my wife was unhealthily obsessed with several years back.

The more I listened to this podcast, the more it began to grow on me – to the point where I now look forward to listening to each episode. I love the personal stories these guys share, like what games and what systems they grew up with. The conversation is just really genuine and heartfelt. I think they even realized about 20 episodes in that they hadn’t introduced themselves or explained who they were when the podcast first started, so they dedicated an entire episode around themselves and their gaming histories. I really liked that, and I think that episode was the turning point for me becoming a fan of them.

They are funny, they’re knowledgeable, and if I recall correctly they are about the same age as me (I was born in 1982) so they grew up with a lot of the same games that I did. I’m terrible with names, but one of the hosts has this really soft and comforting voice that I like to listen to. I love their intro music, and I also love how they use “Game over yeaaahhhhh!” from Daytona USA at the end of each episode.

I’m only on episode 28, and this podcast has 244 episodes currently available on Podbean. I’m curious to see where these guys will rank by the time I’m all caught up (which at my rate will be about 8 years).



#7:
Cartridge Club: The Game of the Month Podcast
Hosted by P1 and P2


Apologies for not knowing the actual names of the hosts. Are they ever referred to by their real names on the Podcast? I have no idea. All I know is that P1 sounds like my favorite YouTuber – somecallmejohnny. Every time I listen to this I just can’t shake the feeling that it’s really him in charge of the podcast, even though I know it is not.

This podcast took me a little while to get used to. The premise is not explained at all, you just have to figure it out as you listen. But apparently there is an online community called, you guessed it, The Cartridge Club, that collectively decides to pick a game to play each month and then at the end of the month they talk about the game for the podcast. P1 and P2 (who I think are brothers?) are the two mainstay hosts, but each episode the cohosts are different. I think there are up to 2 or 3 guests each month. What I love about the Cartridge Club is that each of these guests are highlighted every episode, and you get to find out about them and how you can find them online. Some have YouTube channels, some are streamers, some have blogs, etc. So this podcast is a good way for them to put their names out there, and I freaking love that. I’d love to be a Cartridge Club member one day, but again – my OCD dictates that I listen to these in chronological order before I do anything.

This podcast has really opened my eyes and has made me want to play some games that I previously had no interest in playing before. Each episode runs a bit on the long side, however. It feels like I’ve been listening to this podcast for months now, but I was shocked when I looked at their listing that I am only on Episode 13. Craziness! I thought for sure I was at least up to 20. And this podcast goes all the way back to 2015, so assuming they put one out every month it is going to be a loooooong time before I am ever caught up. I’m not complaining though. The more Cartridge Club episodes I can listen to, the better.
 

#8:
The Losers’ Club: A Stephen King Podcast
Hosted by a bunch of people whose names I don’t  remember


I’m a massive Stephen King fan, so when I started listening to podcasts last year it made sense I’d seek out a King cast or two to add to my rotation. The Loser’s Club ended up being my first.

I enjoy this podcast a lot. The premise is that the hosts are reading through each King novel in order of publication, and then they spend an entire episode (or in some cases multiple episodes) dissecting the book. They look for Kingisms – which are basically recurring Stephen King tropes and phrases. They look for connections to his other works. My favorite section is always the “poundcake” section where they talk about King’s awkward sex scenes, sex references, or just other strange things in the book as they relate to poop, pee, and other bodily fluids. At the end of each episode they rate the book on a scale of 1 to 5 bright red Pennywise noses. I just finished the episode on the Dead Zone, which is the first novel to earn a perfect 5/5 from all the hosts. I don’t remember that book being so good. Makes me want to go back and read it again.

In fact, this whole podcast makes me want to revisit King’s works. I’ve read each of his books at least 2 times in my life (some of them like the Stand I’ve read 5 or more times) so it really says a lot that they are able to get me so interested in revisiting them. I love how seriously they take King, and how they defend him as being more than just a horror writer. I’ve been saying this for years so I definitely feel their struggle. There is so much more to King than people give him credit for.

I also like how they make note of King’s progress as a writer, and things that he seems to have learned from one book to the next. It’s really fascinating to listen to, in a way. The only reason this podcast doesn’t rank higher is once again because of the length of some of these episodes. For example The Stand was broken up into three parts, and each of these parts was three hours or more long. That’s like nine hours of listening to people talk about the Stand, which got a bit tiring for me. The hosts also come across as a bit pretentious sometimes. I can see them getting up on stage and reciting King quotes with the lights dimmed at some kind of campus book reading.
 

#9:
BoxTrick: A Retro Gaming Podcast
Hosted by ???


I just started listening to this podcast not too long ago. I don’t even know the hosts’ names yet, nor could I tell you really anything about their personalities – or if it is even the same people each week. 

All I know is that this is a retro gaming podcast where each episode isn’t necessarily based around one game. An episode title might be something like PS2 Hidden Gems or Best Tactical RPGs – and then they talk about a number of games that fall under these umbrellas. I love this because all my other podcasts tend to linger for a long time on each and every game they talk about – whereas this one is rapid fire jumping from game to game to game. I’ve been keeping a list of games they’ve talked about that I haven’t played yet that sound interesting to me. There are a bunch of really short episodes that range from 20 to 30 minutes long, so this podcast really feels like it moves along quickly. There are some longer episodes as well.

The only reason this doesn’t rank higher is because like I said I haven’t been listening to it for very long. I’m only 9 episodes in. I also don’t feel like I know anything about the hosts or their personalities. That’s one of the things that makes podcasts addicting is being able to vibe with the hosts, and I feel like BoxTrick has a lot of room to improve in that area.

 

#10
Stephen King Cast
Hosted by Constant Reader

 
I’m kind of getting tired of writing this ranking, so I’ll just touch briefly on the podcasts at the bottom. This podcast is similar to the Loser’s Club in that it follows King’s works in the order of publication. The host reads a summary of the book, discusses his feelings on the book, and then moves on. Sometimes he talks about each book's movie and TV adaptations as well. 

This one ranks so low for me because it’s only one guy doing the podcast, and you can tell he’s just reading each podcast from a document he’s probably prepared in advance. There’s no humor. There are no cohosts to vibe off of. It’s just one guy reading from a piece of paper. I also feel as if the insight into these books that he offers isn't as deep as what you would get in The Losers Club. For example, the Losers dissected the Long Walk and offered many different meanings/interpretations of the book, whereas this podcast was just like "I don't think this book really has much to say" and that was it.

It sounds like I’m being a little harsh on this guy. Obviously, I wouldn’t listen to this podcast if I didn’t like it. It’s just not my favorite podcast in my rotation. This morning I listened to his Dead Zone adaptation episode, and the way he was so enthusiastic about it and was talking about Christopher Walken was quite charming. More episodes like this, please, and maybe you'll move up on my list.


#11
Serial Killers
Hosted by Greg Polycn and Vanessa Richardson


When I first started listening to podcasts I wanted to really dive into some good true crime series, but apparently the selection on Podbean is quite limited. So I picked Serial Killers.

I can honestly say this is one of my least favorite podcasts. There are a lot of ads that play at the beginning and randomly in the middle of the podcast. The two hosts are kind of dry and lifeless. You can tell things are scripted and they’re not naturally “vibing” which is a word I like to use. Instead, they’ve prepared the podcast in advance and are just reciting what they’ve already written.

I didn’t know you could make serial killers boring, but this podcast manages to do the trick. Of all the podcasts in my rotation, this is the one I’ve zoned out on the most. A whole episode will play and I’ll have no idea what just happened. Aside from a few standout episodes this podcast has consistently been one of my least favorite. I’ll keep listening, but I don’t think its stock is going to improve anytime soon.

Random observation: to me, the man in this podcast sounds like the voice of the researcher who reads from the Necronomicon in the first Evil Dead movie. So it has that going for it.

 
#12:
Sega Saturn, SHIRO!
Hosted by Patrick, Dave, and Kay (Ka? K?)


Here we go, the least favorite podcast in my rotation. I first taught myself how to emulate Sega Saturn games a few months ago. This is one of my favorite gaming consoles of all time, and no one ever talks about it, so I wanted to see if there was a podcast dedicated to the Saturn. This is the one podcast that Podbean was able to find for me.

What I don’t like about this podcast is that they don’t spend enough time talking about the actual games for the Saturn. The hosts are big on modding and importing. They’re always talking about chips and processors and all these technical things that mean absolutely nothing to me. I swear someone brings up soldering in each and every episode I’ve listened to so far. That’s my beef with this podcast. It’s too heavy on the technical and too light on the actual games themselves. Also, the main host sounds like a pimply Slim Shady wannabe who hates Mr. Bones, and one of the cohosts has this annoying habit of sucking in his breath before every sentence. It is tough to listen to sometimes.

I’ve only listened to 7 of these episodes, and I don’t know how much further I can make it before I drop it from my rotation. I don't want to do that, because I listen to this podcast for Saturn recommendations. I just wish they talked about the games more.

(late edit: I just looked up a YouTube video of Patrick and he is completely different from what I pictured. Sorry about the pimply Slim Shady comment. It's funny how you picture someone in a podcast when listening to their voices sometimes)




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Friday, March 18, 2022

Video Game Review #347: Cloak & Dagger

Cloak & Dagger
Arcade




Nostalgia Factor:

Cloak & Dagger is a game I had never heard of before, based on a movie I had never heard of before. I'm not sure what prompted me to pick this game up and play it and review it as part of my Mop Up Duty review tour, yet pick it and play it I did. The whole purpose of this little project of mine is to expand my horizons and check out some games I had never heard of before, so I just went with it.

Would this game (that I had absolutely no info or experience to go on) be any good, or would it turn out to be a poor choice? Read on for my full thoughts.




Story:

Cloak & Dagger is loosely based on the 1984 film of the same name. In this game, you play as a secret agent whose mission is to infiltrate an enemy base, retrieve a set of stolen plans, and escape the base while it blows up behind you. Like I said, I haven't seen (or even heard of) the movie, but reading a Wikipedia summary of the movie it seemingly has nothing to do with the game at all. So I feel pretty safe saying that this game is loosely based on the film.




Gameplay:

The presentation of this game is a little unorthodox. I'll admit, when I first started playing this game I had no idea what I was looking at and no idea what I was supposed to be doing. It takes place from an overhead perspective. Mainly, you start out on the left side of the screen and you have to figure out how to make it all the way to the right. Using your gun, you can shoot enemies and obstacles, clearing the way for you to make a break to the right side. Be careful, however, as you die with one hit. Enemy projectiles are constantly flying your way, and if you so much as touch an explosive barrel it is lights out for you. Making things complicated are moving walkways that can mess with your sense of direction, as well as bottomless pits  that will kill you if you fall into them. You have to hurry, as well, because each level has a bomb in the center of it. If you take too long, the bomb will explode, its explosion radius lethal to you if it touches you. On my playthrough I had a ton of close calls where the bomb would explode, and I'd race into the elevator on the right just in the nick of time to avoid the explosion.

Once you complete a stage, a short cutscene shows your character riding an elevator down one floor deeper into the facility. The stolen plans are on the 33rd level. Or would that be the negative 33rd level? Whatever. I don't really care. Once you reach level 33 and collect the secret plans, you then have to ride the elevator up all the way back to the surface. The trip up is a lot more difficult than the trip down, however, as most of the stages are filled with narrow walkways and bottomless pits that will kill you instantly if you fall into them. The game does give you the option to hold the up button while on the elevator to skip some stages, which is nice. I think the game would have been way too long and tiring if you had to play through so many stages on your way up.




Graphics:

The game doesn't look fantastic, but you have to remember that this came out in 1984 - 38 years from the date of this review. Your character, as well as all the various enemies and stage obstacles, just look like little colorful shapes moving around on the screen. The colors for the game are a bit garish as well, making things hard to look at sometimes.

Where Cloak & Dagger stands out visually are the little cutscenes in-between stages where your character is riding on the elevator. I like the little touches, like when you narrowly escape a bomb your character's hat will be smoking like it was singed, and the line separating the closed elevator door will turn red because of the heat from the other side. All kinds of funny animations flavor these elevator rides, and I have to say that it adds a ton of personality to the game. In a couple of years when I will have forgotten everything about this game, the one thing I WILL remember are the funny little elevator scenes.




Sound:

There's not a whole lot that stands out about this game's sound. I guess one notable thing is that there is STAGE MUSIC, which is something that's been lacking from some of these early 80s games I've been playing recently. Other than that, the game's sound effects are your pretty standard loud beeps and bloops that were so popular in this era of gaming.




Overall:

Considering I had absolutely no expectations coming into this game, I came away from it pleasantly surprised. I was a little put off at first by the game's visual style, but once I got used to it I discovered that this was a perfectly playable and fun game. What sets it apart from the other early 80s games I have reviewed lately? There's stage music. There's clear, defined level progression. There are cutscenes (if you can call them that) between stages. And most importantly: it has an ending! That's right, this is a game that can actually be beaten as opposed to just playing for a high score. Aside from Dragon's Lair, this is the first game I've played from this era that can actually be beaten.

It may sound like I'm heaping praise onto this game, but let's not get too ahead of ourselves here. It's one of the best games I've played on my little review tour, sure, but that really isn't saying much. Compared to other games I've played and reviewed in the past, such as Ocarina of Time, The Last of Us, Horizon: Zero Dawn, etc - this game is absolute rubbish. I didn't grow up with this game, so I have no sentimental or nostalgic feelings attached to it. I would have missed absolutely nothing if I had just skipped over this game and played something else instead. Am I glad I played this game? Yeah. Did I have fun with it? I did. But will I ever play it again? Probably not.

Because I had a relatively good time with this game, I'm going to give it a C+. It's not a strictly average game, since I did enjoy it a bit more than that. But I don't think it is anywhere near good enough to score in the B range. So it will have to settle for a score of slightly above average. People who grew up with this game probably think that's too low. People who grew up playing modern games probably think that's too high. But for me - it's perfect.



THE GRADE:
C+



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