Video Game Review #476: Battletoads

Battletoads

Nintendo Entertainment System

Nostalgia Factor:

I've been aware of Battletoads and its legendary difficulty for a very, very long time. Even though this game has been out for over 30 years now, I had never played it. Didn't have it when I was a kid, didn't rent it, didn't know anyone else who had it. It's one of those games that just escaped my attention for one reason or another.

Loyal readers will know I've been keeping track of all the games I've ever played. I found myself nearing 1000 total games, and yet Battletoads was not on the list. I knew I had to play it before I reached 1000, since I plan to do a special ranking when I reach 1000 games. Such an iconic, talked about game just had to be on there!

So I finally caved in and played it. Would rumors of this game's ridiculous difficulty level be true, or would I find that they were over-sensationalized, like Contra, Ninja Gaiden, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and other games that I don't find too overly difficult? I think my review will speak for itself. Keep reading for my full thoughts.

Story:

This game was a blatant attempt to cash in on the Ninja Turtles craze of the late 80s and early 90s. There are three members of the Battletoads gang: Rash, Zitz, and Pimple. Three cool dudes with really gross names. You play as either Rash or Zitz as they attempt to defeat the evil queen, who has kidnapped Pimple and Princess Angelica.

There is not much to the game's story. Pretty much a straightforward seek and rescue mission. The game does attempt to keep you interested with a few small cutscenes in between stages. So the effort is there. Just don't expect anything earth shattering.

Gameplay:

I have always heard this game described as a beat 'em up, but that couldn't be any further from the truth. Sure, there are some beat 'em up mechanics involved, but the game is much more of an action-platformer than anything.

Basic gameplay for Battletoads consists of navigating your toad to the end of each stage, where you will often square off against a final boss. The first stage is pretty straightforward, and probably the most beat 'em uppy of them all. Controls consists of an attack button and a jump button. Each stage afterwards introduces some kind of new gameplay mechanic. Swinging from ropes, riding a bike, platform jumping, etc. I'll dive into a few more examples later on in the review.

Things start off innocuously enough. The first few stages are actually quite easy. Just enough to trap you into thinking you actually have a chance, here. The difficulty does not ramp up until the third stage: the infamous Turbo Tunnel speeder bike stage. I came into this stage excited to play it. I've heard so much about it over the years. And yes, it is hard. I wouldn't say it is unwinnable though. The rest of the game, which most people probably haven't experienced because they can't make it through this stage, is infinitely more difficult.

The platforming action in Battletoads is brutal and unforgiving. The toads have momentum when they move, which makes timing and landing your jumps more difficult than it needs to be. Enemies can kill you in one hit. Falling into a bottomless pit instantly costs you a life. One of the worst things about this game is that you only have a set number of lives and continues. If you had infinite continues, or even a password system, maybe the difficulty would not be too extreme. But when you run out of lives and have to start the entire game over each time, that's a pain in the butt. This is a long game! I shamelessly used save states to make my way through this game. If I was 11 years old and just got Battletoads for Christmas, I would have played the heck out of this game and maybe would have been able to beat it legitimately. Maybe. But I doubt it. There are some stages that suck up all your lives SO fast, I don't know how anyone could ever be good enough to beat this whole thing in one go.

Imagine laboring through this game all day for seven hours, getting to the Clinger Winger stage for the first time, and then promptly losing all your lives within five minutes and having to start the whole game over again from the beginning. No.

I like to consider myself a good gamer, but this game is ridiculous. So much relies on memorization and trial and error. Things pop up and kill you with no warning whatsoever. No one can beat any of these later stages on just one life their first time through them. No one. There is a level that involves jumping from dragon to dragon as they race across the screen at high speed. If you fall: you die. There are obstacles like spiked balls littered all over the place that will instantly kill you if you touch them. The dragons move so fast, and have such unpredictable patterns, that you basically have to memorize their movements and the location of all the obstacles in the environment if you want to have any chance to make it through this stage. How can you do that when it is your first time through, if you have never seen anything before? You can't. And to "get good" at the stage requires trial and error and many attempts. Something you aren't afforded when you have a finite number of lives and continues. It is just a freaking mess.

Don't even get me started on stage 11: Clinger Winger. This stage had me wanting to rip my hair out. Even cheating and using save states every ten seconds, I still had a heck of a time making it through this level. You race along on a track, being chased by a giant glowing ball. If it catches up to you and touches you: you die and have to start the whole stage over again. This is not a short chase sequence. It is something like 5 minutes long. If you make one mistake, ONE mistake, you are a goner. This stage is freaking impossible. Like I said, even using save states and ensuring I had a perfect run going, I still found myself in situations where I could not escape that glowing ball chasing after me. I can't even imagine making it through this level legitimately. Kudos to anyone who can. You are a better gamer than me.

The entire game is an exercise in frustration. There is not an easy stage after stage two. Most players out there never got to experience the rest of the game because they can't make it through the speeder bike section. If they did, they'd realize how futile an experience the rest of the game is. It fucking sucks. I had to force myself to get through this so I could say I was able to complete the game. I'll own up and say I never would have been able to beat the game without cheating. And I am okay with that. I do not have the patience to pump months and months into this game - which is probably what it takes to be able to beat it. Life is too short for that.

Is this the hardest game I've ever played? It might be. It's certainly harder than Ghosts 'n Goblins, Kid Icarus, and several other titles I struggled with. Contra is a complete walk in the park compared to this. 

Graphics:

This looks okay for an NES game. The characters are unimpressive. The toads and their enemies are very small and bland looking. I like some of their animations, like the surprised look they get sometimes, and the big uppercut punch. But there really is not too much here that will wow you.

Where the game excels is in the backgrounds and stage design. There are a lot of interesting colors and dynamic looking levels. One area that impressed me was the big spinning top stage, that moves left or right depending on which way you are running. The ice and the fire stages look nice. I am also appreciative of the cutscenes between stages. Am I weird for thinking the evil queen is kind of hot?

Sound:

The game does have some solid music. I can't lie about that. The stage music itself is nothing I think I'll remember in the long run, but the pause music is super cool. Definitely has that "edgy" rockin' feel to it that the game designers were probably going for. 

Overall:

I really wanted to like this game. There are trappings of a very good game to be found here, buried underneath the insane difficulty. It's just a shame 95% of players never actually get to see that good game. It took an emulator and save scumming for me to be able to beat Battletoads. Like I said, I can't imagine how anyone could actually beat this without doing what I did. I mean, I am sure there are people out there who can. But the dedication, practice, memorization, and just plain luck it must take to do so must be very, very intensive.

I didn't have a good time with Battletoads. It took three nights and a LOT of patience for me to be able to make it through the game. And that's with cheating! Every time I'd fire it up, I'd sigh deeply and say "here we go again." Such a major chore to play this game. Shouldn't games be fun? This is not fun at all.

 

Can I recommend Battletoads to you, the reader? It depends. From a pure historic standpoint, I say sure. It's worth a look, so you can at least say that you played it in your lifetime. If you don't care about that kind of thing, then I can't give this a recommend. 

I think I'm being generous with my final score, considering what a miserable time I had with the game. But I can't say this is a complete failure - and in fact this could have been quite good if only it was a little bit more accessible. If, if, if.

THE GRADE:

D+

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Video Game Review #475: Days Gone

Days Gone

PlayStation 4

Nostalgia Factor:

Days Gone came out about four years ago. I knew little to nothing about the game, other than that it was a zombie game with bikers. The premise interested me, but all the reviews I read on the game were negative. As a result, I put this game on the backburner with the idea that I'd check it out "someday."

Well, it took me a while, but I finally got around to playing the game. And you know what? All the reviews out there were wrong. I had a great fucking time with this game. Read on for my full thoughts.

Story:

As always, I am going to spoil the crap out of this game, so skim over this at your own peril!

This game takes place two years after a zombie apocalypse, except in this game the zombies are referred to as "freaks." You play as Deacon St. John, a former motorcycle club member who now operates as a "drifter". He goes around from survivor camp to survivor camp taking on jobs, like recovering supplies, looking for missing people, and defending folks from Rippers and other bandits that now populate this desolate world.

Deacon's partner in crime is named Boozer. Boozer was also a member of the motorcycle club and was one of Deacon's closest friends before the world fell apart. Through flashbacks, we discover that Deacon's wife Sarah was injured in the outbreak. She was separated from her friends when she left on a helicopter from a rooftop, clinging to her life. There was no room on the chopper for Deacon and Boozer. They vowed to catch up with Sarah later. Sarah is believed to be dead when they come to the rendezvous point and find it has been overrun by freaks.

Deacon has not given up faith that Sarah could still be alive out there somewhere. When Boozer is injured in a Ripper attack, he sets off on his own to find answers. He finds them when he locates O'Brian, the helicopter pilot who took Sarah away. Spoiler alert - Sarah is indeed alive. O'Brian points Deacon in the right direction. Sarah has been taken in by a militant group of survivors who is using her in order for her to research a way to defeat the freaks. Deacon infiltrates this military group to save Sarah. When he find out just how evil they are, and how batshit crazy their leader is, he initiates a full fledged war to take him down.

This is just a barebones breakdown of the story. There is a LOT more to be seen here. Lots of camp drama and side missions. You get a whole lot about Sarah and Deacon's relationship through flashbacks. There is a mission where Sarah returns to her old laboratory to look for supplies with Deacon - and has to fight a bunch of former coworkers who open fire on them. Deacon is betrayed by someone he thought was a friend. I even skipped over the whole Ripper plot, where Deacon goes to war against a crazy, drug fueled survivor group that like sto maim themselves and play with fire. Turns out that their leader is someone who has a past with Deacon, and is looking to get revenge on him and Boozer. There are a few torture scenes in this game that made even a desensitized person like me cringe a little.

All in all, I found this to be a pretty engaging story with characters that I actually cared about. Lots of reviews out there criticize the game's story, but I found it to be quite strong.

Gameplay:

There is so much depth to this title's gameplay, I feel like I'll be writing forever trying to explain it all. But I am gonna do my best!

There is an open world map. This isn't a game where you just pick a direction and go. There are mission markers on the map where you must drive to in order to start a new job. If you are familiar with Grand Theft Auto, or really any open world game out there, you should know how this works.

Driving and maintaining your motorcycle is an integral part to this game. Your bike takes damage when you crash it, and you must use "scrap" from your inventory to repair it. The game also requires you to fill up your gas tank from time to time. If you run out of gas, you can only push the bike along with your feet as you sit on it, which is obviously very slow. So you want to monitor your fuel gauge and fill up whenever you can. I know a lot of people say that keeping your bike repaired and fueled is tedious, but I never had a problem with it. I liked this system, to be honest with you. How is this considered tedious, but all the slow walking and camp management in Red Dead II is praised? Make it make sense.

Combat is a little bit like something you'd see in an Uncharted game. Over the shoulder gun-slinging action. There is a wheel you pull up in combat to change weapons. There is a stealth element, too, where you can sneak up on enemies and take them out quietly, so as not to alert the others. You can use a crossbow or put silencers on your guns to stealthily take people down from a distance.

A big element in this game is the crafting. Normally I don't like crafting in games, but it is easy enough here. Gather things like scrap, rags, bottles, and kerosene to craft weapons or health supplies. You can pick up melee weapons and modify them too. My favorite was the baseball bat with the big buzz saw on on it. Weapons fall apart over time, so you must use scrap to keep them in tip top shape, or you risk losing them when they break.

Missions consist of things like: destroying enemy camps, rescuing missing survivors, destroying freak nests, and gathering supplies. Not gonna lie, things did start to feel a bit repetitive after a while. Take a mission. Drive to the marker on the map. Kill a bunch of freaks or humans. Return to the person who gave you the mission. This is one of the criticisms of the game that I actually agreed with. There was a big chunk in the middle of the game where it felt like I was just going through the motions. It isn't until the storyline picks up that the missions start to get more interesting. But even then they still boil down to the same basic thing.

There are many side quests to keep you occupied. I liked destroying all the nests and taking out all the hordes. The hordes are super intimidating at the start of the game. I used to die in seconds after getting swarmed. It isn't until later after you are leveled up and have access to a big variety of weapons that the hordes become easier to defeat.

There are some RPG elements here, like the ability to level up and assign skill points to your character. You can buy and sell things in the game's various camps. There is always something to do here. And even though the action seems repetitive sometimes, it never stops being fun. The game started off a bit slow in my eyes. Maybe that is why reviewers don't like it. I know that sometimes they only play a few hours of a game before reviewing it - which is completely wrong and unfair. I never review a game until I've beaten it first, which is the way it should be. And I have to say that I had a superb time with this game.

Graphics:

This game looks terrific. I love the setting in rural Oregon. You see lots of lakes and rivers and trees and beautiful landscapes. It's like the whole game takes place "up north" as we like to call it in Wisconsin. 

Characters look really good. It's easy to forget they are just animated video game characters and not real people sometimes, as hard as that is to believe. The whole world of the game feels real, too. If a zombie apocalypse did hit the United States, it is easy to believe that things would look like this afterwards.

The hordes are visually impressive. I can't recall a game where I've had so many enemies coming after me all at once. Like, hundreds. The fact that the game runs at such a high performance despite all this is really quite impressive.

 

Sound:

Not only does Days Gone look the part, it sounds the part as well. It all starts with the voice acting, which is great. I love Deacon's voice, and how it is the same guy from Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (which I recently played) and Battlestar Galactica. All the emotional moments between him and Sarah hit hard, and it is all because of the voice acting.

The game itself sounds fine. The music, although forgettable, is never intrusive. It sets the tone during some of the more tense moments of the game, like the horde battles. Keeps you on the edge of your toes. The motorcycle, which you'll hear a lot of, sounds good too.

Overall:

I don't know why people are tripping. This game is great. It takes a while to really get going, which I suppose can be a problem for some people. It wasn't for me. Once Days Gone hit its stride, I was completely hooked. I like this a lot more than some other recent critical darlings I've played, such as the Resident Evil 4 remake and Death Stranding.

As I finished this game up just a few days ago, I started thinking about how I was going to grade it. I knew it deserved at least an A. At least. But would it get the vaunted A+? I think it has to. I have liked this game so much more than pretty much anything I've played in the last year or two. It's that good. It has a great storyline that kept me invested. It has fun gameplay. I like the crafting. I love the horde battles. Even though missions can get repetitive sometimes, they never cease being a blast to play.

So yeah, it gets an A+ from me. And to all the haters, here is a giant flaming middle finger I'm pointing at you right now. How could you not like this game? Your bad reviews kept me from checking this out for four years, and they killed pretty much any hope of a sequel this game may have had. I'm shaking my head over here.

This is an awesome game. Play it. Give it a shot. I hope you like it as much as I do.

THE GRADE:

A+

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Video Game Review #474: Wheel of Fortune First and Second Edition

Wheel of Fortune

(First and Second Edition)

PC

Nostalgia Factor:

I have a surprisingly long history with this game. It came out when I was five years old. I remember my grandpa got a new computer when I was six. Everyone has a computer these days, but back in the 1980s they were very rare. In fact, my grandpa was the first person I knew at the time who got a computer in his own house. As such, I was rightfully fascinated by it. I remember playing games like Willy the Worm, Gertrude's Secrets, King's Quest III, and Snake Pit for it whenever I had the chance. But my favorite game of them all was Wheel of Fortune.

I would play this game for hours on end. Seems like a weird game for a six year old to be fascinated with, but I loved it a lot. I got so darn good at the game. I remember playing against people like my brother and my uncles, and I would beat them every time. They said it was because I played the game so much I had all the puzzles memorized, but that wasn't the case. I mean, maybe in a few instances it was true. But I was natural phenom! Or so I like to think.

I haven't played this game in, wow, a really long time. Probably been a good 30 years at the least. I'm 41 now. Would the game still spark joy in me, all this time later? In a word: yes. Read on for the full breakdown.

(just so you know, I am reviewing the first and second editions as one game, rather than two separate games. The second edition is literally the exact same thing as the first edition, but with new puzzles and an oddly tinted blue background. Aside from that, the two games are identical)

Story:

This game doesn't have a storyline. You play as a contestant on a game show. That's it. I used to make up little stories in my mind for the contestants when I played this as a kid. That's always an option for you if you'd like!

Gameplay:

This game is so easy to play, anyone could do it, even an old grandma or grandpa. I should know, I played against them several times! Each action has a clearly defined button for it shown onscreen. You'll never be like: "How do I spin? How do I buy a vowel? How do I do anything??!!!" because it always will say on the screen what button does what.

You can play against two computer opponents, or up to two real life opponents. The computer opponents have absolutely terrible AI. They make bad guesses, they don't solve when the answer is ridiculously obvious. They are so easy to beat. The only times I ever really lost was when I was having bad luck with landing on a lot of bankrupts or lose a turn spots.

The best way I found to play this game was picking all three players as human controlled and controlling all of them. Otherwise it is a lot of sitting around and waiting, which is never fun for anyone.

If you know how Wheel of Fortune works, you should know how this game works. Three contestants. First one spins the wheel. They guess a letter. If it is in the puzzle, the earn the corresponding dollar amount on the wheel for every letter that appears in the puzzle. If it is not, they lose their turn and it goes to the next player. You can buy vowels. You can go bankrupt or lose your turn. Whoever solves the puzzle banks the money they earned, while everyone else gets nothing for the round. Whoever has the most money banked after three rounds goes to the bonus round.

The bonus round in this game sucks. In real Wheel of Fortune, contestants get R,S,T,L,N, and E automatically. In this game, you can pick five consonants and a vowel - and that's it. So you can pick R,S,T,L,N, and E if you want, but that's all you get. It makes these puzzles pretty tough to solve. I must have played about ten rounds of this game before writing this review, and I only was able to solve one final puzzle.

If you win, your character's name appears on the high score leaderboard. You can pick this player to return as a contestant in a future game, and if you win again, your winnings are added to the player's total. But if you lose, you vanish from the high score board forever. Ouch! But I like it.

Despite its simplicity, this is a very fun and addicting game. I kept telling myself: just one more game. That's it, then it is time for bed! But then I'd keep playing and playing and playing. It is so fun. No wonder I became so addicted when I was a kid. 

Graphics:

For such an old game, I love its presentation. The colors really pop. Both the wheel and the letter board are instantly recognizable from the show. The second edition of this game for some reason has a blue tinted background (see screenshot above) and I do not like it. It makes everything look weird. The classic black background is where it's at.

My one complaint? Why is Vanna's hair red??

Sound:

Don't expect anything earth-shattering as far as the game's sound goes. This is a very old, basic sounding game with standard video game bloop noises. The theme song is faithfully recreated here, even though it sounds super primitive. Still brings a smile to my face, though!

Overall:

Despite its limitations. I just can't help but like this game. It looks primitive, it sounds primitive, and some of the puzzles are really, really outdated. But you know what? I still like it. This is one of those games that I can turn on at any time and really enjoy it. Got 20 minutes to kill? Throw on Wheel of Fortune. Games are quick, the action is fact paced, and you'll have a lot of fun in the process.

I can't say that this game is perfect. There are a ton of other Wheel of Fortune games out there that I'm sure have perfected the formula. I'll have to check them out some day. But for me this is and always has been the definitive way to play the game at home. If you are a fan of the show, I don't see how you would not like this.

THE GRADE:

A

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Video Game Review #473: Vendetta

Vendetta

Arcade

Nostalgia Factor:

I remember coming across Vendetta while I was out with my family for dinner when I was a kid. I was immediately drawn to the game with its edgy graffiti artwork. The gameplay was like a mix of Final Fight and Ninja Turtles, and I loved how the game was filled with things to pick up or destroy in the environment. Weapons were plentiful as well. One thing I loved was how the game let you kick your enemies when they were down - which I hadn't encountered yet in a beat 'em up and I thought was a pretty awesome addition to the game.

I had such a fun time with this game, playing it with other random kids at the arcade. I remember popping in all of the quarters I had on hand - which was not enough to complete the game. Even still, I remember hovering around the game and watching whenever anyone else would play it. It was like all the other games in the arcade didn't exist. I only had eyes for Vendetta.

As luck would have it, I would never encounter Vendetta again. Here we are in the year 2023, probably a good 30 years since I last played it in the arcade. Would the game be as fun as I'd remembered? That is what I am here to find out!

Story:

The storyline of this game is very stereotypical for a beat 'em up from the 1990s. A gang of evil bad guys who are terrorizing the city decide to kidnap a good looking girl. Playing as one of four different good guys, you fight your way through a series of punk filled stages until you reach the final boss at the end of the game, the head honcho, and defeat him. You rescue the girl and everyone lives happily ever after.

This game makes absolutely zero attempt to do anything unique with its storyline. You've seen this "rescue the damsel in distress" trope in Double Dragon, Final Fight, and many other games of this genre. Even the aesthetic is similar.

Gameplay:

If you're familiar with the beat 'em up genre, absolutely nothing about this game will surprise you. Well, except for the lack of a jump button. That may surprise you. There are two buttons: one for kicking and one for punching. You aren't going to spend a whole lot of time kicking, as I found the attack to be somewhat useless except for when I was button mashing when I was surrounded. Punching is where it's at. You can string together some devastating combos with your punches. If you hit the punch and kick buttons together when you are moving towards an enemy, you perform a jump kick attack. That's all you got for jumping in this game, not that you really need it. There are no platforming sections to be found here. This game is all about the combat.

The main instance where kicking is useful is when your enemy is knocked to the ground. You can stomp on them while they are down, which as I mentioned before, I always found to be an awesome feature. The game is loaded with items in the background to either destroy or pick up and throw at your enemies. I always appreciated that too. It adds some much needed variety to the gameplay. Some enemies drop weapons like chains and knives for you to pick up when they are defeated. I always made it a point to pick these up if I could, because they are so powerful.

Aside from that, this is as typical of a 90s beat 'em up as you can find. It shares a lot of traits with games like Streets of Rage, Final Fight, and the Ninja Turtles. It follows the same formula: fight through a stage full of regular enemies. Fight the boss character at the end of the stage. Move onto the next stage. At the end of the game there is a boss rush of all the previously defeated bosses that you have to beat before you can move onto the main enemy.

The game is short, with only five regular stages to complete. Technically the sixth stage (the boss rush stage) is considered a bonus stage - but let's be real. No one is getting to this point and then NOT playing through this stage. It is a regular stage in everything but name.

Graphics:

This game looks like nothing special at first glance. It truly does look like every other beat 'em up out there at the time. But I like the sprite artwork. I like the level design. The bosses are all very unique looking, too. Visually, the game does nothing great, but that does not mean it looks bad by any means.

Sound:

Veterans of classic Konami games will recognize the "sound feel" of the game immediately. Ninja Turtles, Sunset Riders, Mystic Warriors, etc. Vendetta shares that instantly recognizable musical twang of these other games listed. It is that classic Konami music, which is hard to describe but instantly recognizable for people who know what I am talking about.

The sound effects are nothing that will be remembered in the long run. The sounds of punches and kicks connecting is very satisfying - which I've heard is an absolute necessity for making a good beat 'em up.

Overall:

It's so hard for me to judge games like this anymore. Vendetta is basically the same game as TMNT, Final Fight, and dozens of other games I've played in the genre - but in a different skin. I like all these other games, but there comes a point where I've played so many it is hard to get excited about them anymore. Plus, while I can admit this is a good game, what makes it any better or worse than the others?

Vendetta must do something right if I was able to remember it after 30 years. It has good gameplay. It does some innovative things - like the ability to kick enemies when they are down. And it has a ton of weapons to pick up and things in the background to smash. It is short, but for a quarter munching arcade game, you might say it is actually the perfect length. 

I really can't say anything bad about this game. It won't be remembered as fondly as the TMNT games, but Vendetta's gameplay is just as good as any of those titles. If this game had been released with a TMNT skin, would it have been heralded as one of the best beat 'em ups ever? I try not to let things like that cloud my judgement, but it does make me wonder. At the same time, with all the great beat 'em ups out there, do I ever see myself coming back to this one? Not really. And that means something. I don't know what it is, but it's something.

THE GRADE:

B-

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Video Game Review #472: Home Alone

Home Alone

Sega Genesis

Nostalgia Factor:

I was a massive Home Alone fan when I was a kid. When this game came out, it seemed like a foregone conclusion I would buy it. I remember going to Funco Land with my mom and my brother. In case you are too young to remember, Funco Land was a video game store full of TVs and game consoles that let you test a game out before you decided to buy it. Even though my mind was already made up that I wanted Home Alone, my mom and my brother urged me to play a couple of minutes to see if I liked it. I remember firing the game up and seeing how you could ride your sled around the neighborhood and go around to different houses and pick things up. From the two minutes I played, I thought it was awesome.

But my mom and my brother thought it looked stupid, and encouraged me to check out some other games. It was then that I noticed Michael Jackson's Moonwalker on the shelf. I tested that game out and immediately fell in love. And who was I to say no to a Michael Jackson game? I was a huge fan of his at the time. My mom and my brother approved, too. I ended up leaving the store with Moonwalker. And I would never play Home Alone again until now: 2023. This game came out in 1991. That's a good 32 year gap. Wow. Every day that passes I find myself in shock at how old I am.

Anyway, this memory always stands out to me, because it is one of the only cases of video game related peer pressure that I can remember. I let my brother and my mom talk me out of getting this game. I think about the butterfly effect. Where would I be in life right now if I had stuck to my guns and picked Home Alone instead? I'd probably be a millionaire CEO of a publishing company, or something. Gee, thanks mom!

Story:

The events of the game are loosely based on the movie. Not only has Kevin been left home alone, the entire neighborhood also seems to be on vacation as well. It is up to Kevin to defend not just his house, but the houses of his neighbors as well.

Gameplay:

This game is surprisingly complex considering it is meant for kids. The basic premise is that the neighborhood, consisting of five houses, is being raided by the Wet Bandits. Playing from a top-down perspective as Kevin, you have to zip around the neighborhood from house to house on your motorized sled.

When the Bandits arrive at a house, you'll see a meter that says "Loot" on the top right hand corner of the screen. If this meter fills up, the Bandits have successfully robbed the house, and they will move onto the next house. Your goal is to stop them from robbing all five houses in the neighborhood. If you can hold them off long enough for the 20 minute timer to run out, the police will arrive and arrest them.

While waiting for the Bandits to find a house to rob, you have a few options. You can zoom around, looking to stock up on items that you can use to craft into weapons to fight the Bandits. Crashing into snowmen gives you said items. Or you can scout out a house in advance and plant traps in it. You have a limited number of traps at your disposal, and as far as I know you can't refill them. So you can either use them all on one or two houses, or you can spread them out across all five house.

When the Bandits arrive at a house, you have to quickly enter the house and fight them. This is where the game switches to a 2D side-scroller. If you've planted traps in the house, the Bandits will occasionally walk into these traps and hurt themselves. Otherwise you will have to fight them with the materials you collected while zipping around on your sled. You can gain new materials by finding them in the houses as well. You can use tires you've collected from the outside to bounce high in the air and reach items that might normally seem out of reach.

There are only two difficulty levels: beginner and expert. I usually play on normal, but it is not an option in this game. So I picked beginner, the default difficulty. Apparently on beginner, the game automatically crafts the items you pick up into weapons. If you are playing on expert, you have to do it yourself. Once you have a weapon selected, you have to use it on the Bandits to drain their health. Weapons include a snowball launcher, a BB gun, and a glue gun. Harry and Marv have a collective health bar. You basically have to just keep hitting them with your weapons (and luring them into the traps you set beforehand) until that health bar goes down to zero. Once it does, the house is saved and the Bandits retreat and attack another house.

This is the entire game. Scoot around outside to collect items, set traps in the houses, enter the houses the Bandits are raiding, and fight them until their health is drained and they leave. Once the 20 minute timer runs out, the police arrive and you win. Game over, at least on beginner difficulty. On expert, the timer is 40 minutes and you have to craft everything yourself. Meh. Never had much of a desire to do that. I considered the game to be beaten after completing it on beginner. Maybe if I had enjoyed the game a little more, I would have tried to tackle expert. But I just really did not have fun with it at all.

Graphics:

This is a decent looking game. The overhead sections look nice, like a quaint little snowy village. Not very accurate to the movie, but I enjoy the aesthetic. I'd love to see an RPG set here.

The side scrolling sections look good too. All the different houses have themes (country house, futuristic house, dilapidated house, etc). This lends a little visual variety to the game, as they do not all look the same. I just wish Kevin's house looked like it does in the movie. Harry, Marv, and Kevin themselves are all instantly recognizable from the films. 

There is not really much else to say. While it is not a bad looking game, I can't lie and say it is too visually exciting either.

Sound:

The sound is a bit of a stumbling block for this game. The classic Home Alone theme is not present. The title music sounds more like Ninja Turtles music than anything. There's barely any Christmas music either. There is a small portion of the overworld music that sounds like Carol of the Bells, but that is it. The music sounds like it could belong to any generic Genesis platformer.

Sound effects are nothing special either. The buzz of the sled can be annoying, I guess. Just very forgettable all around in the sound department. They couldn't even throw us some crummy 90s voice effects, like Kevin's scream, from time to time? Lazy.

Overall:

Despite all my bickering and complaining, this game is not a complete failure. I can see what they were trying to do here, and they almost had it. Almost. And I'm sure there are some people out there that like this game. I'm glad for them. It's just not for me.

Will I ever play this game again? I can't see that happening. Life is too short, and there are so many other games out there to check out that I've never played before. Why waste my time on something I didn't have fun with? While there are some redeeming things here, and I wouldn't say the game is complete trash. It's just not for me. And that is okay.

THE GRADE:

D

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Oh yeah, the much maligned Home Alone 2 for the NES is better. Check out my review here.

Video Game Review #471: Daytona USA

Daytona USA

Sega Saturn

Nostalgia Factor:

Believe it or not, there was a point in time where it seemed like the future of video gaming was Sega. It was the end of the 16-bit console era. 3D graphics were becoming the next big thing as we moved into the 32-bit era. Everywhere you looked in the arcades were games like Virtua Fighter, Virtua Cop, and Daytona USA. They all had this bright, cartoonish, and very distinctly "Sega" feel to them. All of these games were being ported to Sega's new home console, the Saturn, and I remember being so unbelievably goddamn hyped for this console.

One of the big selling points for the Saturn was Daytona USA. This was a game that immediately stood out in the arcade, with its multi-unit cabinets, its bright colors, and its over the top music. You could hear the singing a mile away. "Daytonaaaaaaaaa!!!" As a kid, I remember seeing screenshots of the Saturn version of the game and basically foaming at the mouth over the potential. And I wasn't even a racing fan!

When I got a Saturn, I ended up renting Daytona USA for the weekend. I remember spending a decent amount of time with it, but it didn't really grab me too much. Like I said, I wasn't a racing fan. And there were very few gameplay modes, with just three courses to race on. Plus I just flat out sucked at the game. I rented it with the intent of playing it with my step brother Kyle, but then we found out this game didn't even have a 2-player mode. Really?

I remember returning it to Blockbuster, already thinking about what Saturn game I was going to check out next. My brief time with the game was enough to satisfy my curiosity about it, but I can't lie. I've never been a giant Daytona USA fan. Not then, not now.

It's probably been a good 25 years at the very least since I've played this game. Would my mind change on it at all? I guess its is time to find out.

Story:

This game does not have a story mode of any kind. You simply pick which race course you'd like to race on, from a menu, and - well, race.

Gameplay:

As I alluded to earlier, there isn't much variety to be found here. The game contains only three race courses. There are two different race versions you can choose from: arcade or Saturn version. Arcade mode features a timer that counts down when you are in-between checkpoints. If you don't make it to the next checkpoint in time, it is game over. This is the version of the game found in arcades, where you very rarely actually get to finish a race. It's designed to get you pumping in more quarters as soon as you possibly can.

Saturn version is much more playable. You are not given a timer at all. Your goal is simply to finish (and hopefully win) the race. Even if you fall behind by like ten minutes, the game keeps going until you are able to finish.

There are a few different difficultly levels to choose from. The game also lets you pick different modes, such as Grand Prix and Endurance - but all these modes do is change how many laps you race. So let's say I was playing the standard circle racetrack on Saturn mode. The default number of laps is eight. If It was to change the game to Grand Prix mode, it would be 20 laps. Endurance: even more laps. But the same basic gameplay would be exactly the same. So these modes are pretty much worthless. Ain't nobody have time to be racing a 40 lap race, or some BS like that. Eight is long enough as it is.

Since this is a racing game, you'll have to learn how to handle your vehicle if you want to have any chance at succeeding at this game. You  select a vehicle before each race. You pick between manual or automatic transmission. I'm pretty sure if you can master manual, you can smoke everyone. But I suck at manual and just stuck to automatic on each stage.

I've never driven a race car before, but I have to imagine the game's mechanics are fairly realistic. I was absolutely atrocious at this game as a kid, and when I picked it up in present day, I was just as bad. This isn't a game where you can just floor it and hope for the best. There is strategy involved here, where you have to break, drift, decelerate, etc. or you will go flying wildly off the course. This is probably a bad comparison, but I've spent a lot of time in my life playing race mode in Grand Theft Auto IV. While it obviously is a much different game, there are many similarities in the driving mechanics. Daytona USA is definitely a much more realistic feeling game as far as the driving goes than something like Mario Kart - and you HAVE to keep that in mind when you start playing this, or you are going to have a bad or mediocre time with it, like I did when I was a kid.

Keeping all this in mind, I had a MUCH better time with Daytona USA as an adult than I did as a child. I'm more familiar with racing and driving mechanics, and I am more patient as well. I was able to finish in first place on the easiest race course, which I was never able to do as a kid. I wasn't as good on the other courses as I would have liked (my best finish was top 8), but the challenge of it kept me coming back again and again and again. I was like dang it, I know I can do this! And that lends itself to a very addicting and entertaining game - despite the lack of features, despite the lack of options, despite there only being three race courses, and despite the lack of multiplayer. I still managed to have a good time with this game over the course of three days. 

While I didn't technically "beat" the game, I think I've played it enough to be able to put forth a pretty accurate review. I can totally see myself just popping this on periodically every once in a while to try to master those two more difficult race courses. I probably will never finish in first, as the enemy AI is flawless, but I know for sure I can improve my performance with each additional attempt.

Oh yeah, before I move on, I should tell you: don't bother with the pit stops! While your car does show signs of physical damage as you play, stopping at a pit stop to fix this damage will do absolutely nothing for you other than assure you that you won't win the race. It is a complete waste of time.

Graphics:

Even when this game came out for the Saturn back in the mid-90s, it looked rough. At first glance it doesn't look too different from the arcade version. Bright colors, detailed looking vehicles, a fully 3D world to drive around in. But on closer inspection it really falls apart.

The draw distance is the main culprit. What is draw distance? Well, when you are playing a modern game, you can stare out into the distance as far as the eye can see, with little to no problems at all. In this game, you can barely see 30 feet ahead of you. Things just "pop" into existence as you get closer to them. Look at the screenshot blow. Notice how the mountain and the race track just kind of disappear in the distance? That's what I am talking about.

This entire game is plagued by terrible draw distance. In fact, when I think of Daytona USA that is the first thing that comes to mind. Not the gameplay, not the music. The draw distance. I remember criticizing this back when the game first came out and saying how it was inexcusable. In present day it looks even worse. It's almost comical, to a point.

The surrounding graphics aren't too great either. Pixels, jagged edges, walls that just vanish into thin air. Considering this was one of the flagship games for the Sega Saturn, you'd think they would have done more to make this game look visually appealing. There is a follow up to this game called Daytona USA: Championship Circuit Edition that fixes the game's graphics and improves on some of its flaws, but by the time it was released the damage had already been done to the Saturn's credibility.

Sound:

I love this game's soundtrack. It is just oozing with that classic Sega cheese. It's not as extreme as, say, Sonic R. But it's up there.

Who doesn't love the classic "Daytooooooonaaaaaaa!" theme that plays when you start the game up? Or "Rolling staaaaaaaaaarrrrt!" Or blue, blue skies. Any of these songs, really. So freaking good. I could listen to this music all day long.

The actual sounds of the game like the revving engines, skidding tires, and the announcers' voice are all perfect, and really do a great job adding to the game's arcade-like feel.

Overall:

I came into this game expecting it to be absolutely terrible. I thought the graphics would make the game unplayable. I thought the controls would be god awful. I thought that the lack of options and features would give the game no replay ability whatsoever. I was wrong on all fronts.

Not that I am saying this is a great game by any means. It leaves a lot to be desired in several areas. But at its core, this is still a really fun racing experience. I sunk many hours into this game, trying to perfect my handle on its mechanics. While the game is supremely hard, even on normal difficulty, I never found it to be frustrating. Everything you need to succeed is right there at your fingertips. The rest is all on you. If you aren't up to the challenge of mastering drifting, turning, and strategic braking - you are not going to have a good time with the game. If you look at it as a challenge that you must solve, it makes it so much more fun.

I trialed and errored my way through these race courses, learning new strategies and ways to handle difficult sections with each successive attempt. While I never did "master" the game, I have to say I really had fun trying to do so. I can easily see Daytona USA becoming one of my go-to games that I turn on when I only have about 20 to 30 minutes to play a game. It is a terrific time killer.

Despite the limited race courses and the limited features, the game still hasn't gotten old to me. It's like a classic arcade game such as Frogger that you can't really beat, you just have to get the high score. And for this game it works.

This may not be a deep game, a good looking game, or a game that gives you lots of different vehicles and race courses to test out, but gosh darn it - it is fun. I can easily recommend this to my fellow readers, especially if you are a racing fan. If what I have written about the game doesn't appeal to you - then no bother. You won't be missing much if you decide to pass on it. But if you give it a chance, you may find a very enjoyable game that has more to it than meets the eye.

THE GRADE:

B 

For your listening pleasure, here is a YouTube video of this game's music. Enjoy!

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Video Game Review #470: Super Back to the Future Part II

Super Back to the Future Part II

Super Nintendo

Nostalgia Factor:

I became aware of this game a few years ago when I first got my RetroPie. I remember scrolling through the Super Famicom section and seeing this game. I turned it on and played it for two or three minutes. Not long, but enough for me to make a mental note to come back and play through it someday.

Why was this game in the Super Famicom section and not the Super Nintendo section? Because it was never released in the United States. It was a Japan only exclusive. That made me even more curious to fully dive into the game.

It took me a few years, but here I am, finally ready to take that plunge.

(note - I put all Super Famicom games under Super Nintendo on this blog to avoid any potential confusion. They are the exact same system, just with different names in the east and the west)

Story:

This game follows the same basic story as the movie, with some liberties taken, of course. You start in the future, and you have to fight Biff and his goons. Your journey takes you through Hell Valley, the 50's, and all the other locations you see in the movie in your quest to retrieve the stolen sports almanac.

Gameplay:

I understand what they were trying to do when they made this game, but quite frankly it does not work. Let me explain. The entire game is based around the gimmick that Marty is riding his hoverboard. Always. At all times. The entire game. That's right, the hoverboard that he rides for about 3 minutes in the movie, you are stuck with for the entire game.

And it handles terribly. It is either too slow or too fast. I think they were going for a Sonic-kinda vibe here, as much of the game is dashing forward as quickly as possible and jumping on or over enemies as they appear. If you are moving quickly, the momentum will often carry you over edges if you don't react fast enough. Enemies and obstacles like spikes appear WAY too fast for you to be able to react. It is a pain in the butt. Another game I could compare it to is Speedy Gonzales: Los Gatos Bandidos for the SNES. And that game is not any fun either.  

The jumping is flat out bad. If you aren't getting a running jump, don't even bother jumping because Marty will barely jump forward otherwise. You have to back up, hold the run button, and gather some momentum before you can make a jump. There are some difficult platforming sections in this game, with small platforms to jump on. You can imagine how frustrating this gimmick can become. All because they thought it would be a good idea to stick you on a hoverboard for the entire duration of the game.

The game itself is just very blasé and uninspiring. There was nothing to get excited about as I played this. After I played the first two stages of the game, I knew exactly how the rest of it would play out: exactly the same. Repetitive, boring, and not any fun whatsoever. The boss stages offer the only real variety the game has to offer. And even then, they aren't that great.

I played this game and beat it in one night not because I was having a good time, but because I wanted to be finished and over with it. I'm definitely never playing this one again.

Graphics:

Really the only positive aspect of the game is how it portrays the events of the movie. It was a lot of fun seeing all the different stage backgrounds as I made my way through the game. The future, the 80s restaurant, Hell Valley, Biff's Casino, The 50s prom, the car chase, etc. If you are a fan of the movie you should enjoy the representation of these areas.

The characters are a little weird looking, not gonna lie. I can't say that this is how I pictured a Back to the Future game would look. They have big heads, cartoonish features - like they stepped out of a manga or something. It's definitely an unusual look, but at the same time I don't hate it. Reminds me a bit of how the characters look in Ghostbusters for the Sega Genesis.

Sound:

Right off the bat you are treated to a 16-bit rendition of the classic Back to the Future theme song. It's good, too! It got me excited to start playing the game, although I was quickly let down by its gameplay.

If you like this version of the theme song, you better get used to hearing it. A lot. This is the stage music for like every stage in the game, it seems. Maybe there are other songs used here. I'm sure there are. But I can't remember a single one of them, and I just played through this last night. 

Overall:

Why do we play games?

To have fun!

Was Super Back to the Future Part II any fun?

No!

And that's the problem. It's not fun. Like, at all. It doesn't matter how good the music is, or how closely the game follows the movie. None of that. The game flat out sucks. It's a hassle to control. It's a hassle to navigate the stages. It's boring. It's repetitive. It is a truly terrible game.

And that sucks, because I had such high hopes for it. But as I said earlier, I will never play this again. I see no reason to do so. Life is too short. No need to waste my time on something I know I do not like. I can't recommend this to others, either. There are so many good games out there. You may be tempted by the theme of the game and its appealing visual package. But it sucks. Trust me, bro.

THE GRADE:

F

(That's right, it is even worse than Back to the Future: The Game for the PS3)

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Video Game Review #469: The Terminator

The Terminator

Sega CD

Nostalgia Factor:

I've played many different video game versions of The Terminator over the years, but never the Sega CD version. Why? Because I didn't own Sega CD growing up. It's kind of hard to play a game for a system you don't even have.

Now that I have the means to play this game, I decided I should check it out. I have only heard positive things about it. Time to jump in.

Story:

This game does a fairly good job at retelling the events of the movie, but of course a ton of action is added, otherwise the game wouldn't be very long. Much of the game takes place in the future, with Kyle Reese fighting Terminators and infiltrating Skynet to gain access to the time machine. The rest of the game takes place in the 80s, following the movie as Kyle Reese runs from the cops while protecting Sarah Connor from the Terminator. The game ends with Sarah crushing the Terminator in the hydraulic press.

In between stages you are treated to grainy full motion video scenes from the movie that push the action along. Being a big fan of the movie, I enjoyed these FMV scenes. They may not seem like much by present day's standards, but these would have made me lose my mind as a kid. 

Gameplay:

For some reason I came into this game expecting it to be super hard. I don't know why. But while it is definitely a challenging game, I wouldn't say it is too scary or intimidating. It is very straightforward. You run forward, you shoot any enemies that appear in front of you, and you keep running. The levels in this game are very vertical, where you have to go up or down, in addition to left or right. They are like big mazes, full of power ups and health items. 

It takes about four or five shots to defeat each enemy. Once you defeat a Terminator, they are gone. There are no respawning enemies in this game. This is super awesome. It definitely adds a strategy element to the game, as I found myself moving forward slowly and making sure I was clearing out all the enemies permanently.

Once you pass about five stages or so, the game moves from the future to the present day. You control Kyle Reese as he shoots hobos and saves Sarah Connor at Club Noir. The rest of the game is protecting her as the Terminator chases you. It's the 80s, so you can't just shoot the Terminator with a laser gun and defeat it in five hits. Whenever I'd see him, I'd immediately lob some grenades at him to knock him down. Then run past him real quick.

The game ends similarly to the movie. Reese shoots the Terminator with a grenade launcher while Sarah Connor crawls away. After three hits, the Terminator blows up - and his upper half crawls after Sarah and gets crushed in the machinery. While Kyle Reese just stands there and watches. I guess he survives in this timeline, huh?

The Terminator is very generous with health items. You take a lot of damage as you play this game, so these items are much needed. As I said before, levels are big and maze like, and definitely worth exploring. There are no continues in this game, so you want to make sure you have as many extra lives as humanly possible. The game is easy in the first few stages, so this is your chance to rack up those extra lives. You are definitely going to need them. 

The game itself is fair in its difficulty... for the most part. There are some questionable jumps and some poorly placed instant-death pits. Enemy placement can be quite awkward, too. I wish shooting in all directions was a little easier. There are some specific areas that can suck up literally all of your lives, which is why it is so important you stock up on them. The helicopter battle is one such area. My god. I burned through ALL my lives on this my first time through it. And the area at the end of the game where you have grab the grenade gun and save Sarah. Ugh. So annoying. I died so many times. Not gonna lie, I made a save state right before this area and kept reloading it over and over again when I'd die. Otherwise I'd have run out lives, and I would have had to start the entire game over again. No thanks. I'd already done that twice.

That being said, I really enjoyed this game. I even came back to it the night after I beat it and played through it again. It has such charm to it. Tough, but rewarding gameplay. Great graphics. Great music. I expected the game to be "just okay" and it ended up impressing the heck out of me.

Graphics:

The game does a good job taking you through the locations from the movie. The night club, the police station, the factory. Even the bleak future stages with the machinery and the skeletons look great. Characters look great too, and are well animated. Stages are intuitive and well-designed. The look of the game really stays true to the source material, which is great to see. It's like a comic book version of the first Terminator movie.

What makes the game even more impressive is how immersive of an experience it is. The title screen looks like it was pulled straight from the movie. There are FMV scenes in between each stage that explain what is going on. These scenes might look a little primitive and grainy nowadays, but honestly: it works. This is one of the most immersive 2D platformers I've ever played from this era of gaming.

Sound:

The music in this game is AWESOME. The title screen uses the classic Terminator theme - and it is a great rendition of the song. I've played a ton of Terminator games in my life, and I don't remember hearing the Terminator theme in any of those games. It really got me pumped to start playing.

The heavy metal music from the stages is rocking. It is very intense. When you're blasting your way through those early levels with that music blaring in the background, you feel like a total badass. It is perfection. That being said, there is a stage later on in the game that has this super cheerful music that feels very out of place. It's a noticeable shift in tone that stood out to me on both of my playthroughs.

Overall:

What a pleasant surprise this game turned out to be. I came into it with the expectation it would be a run of the mill shooter, but it is so much more than that. Great presentation, music, graphics, custscenes, gameplay, great everything. It is the complete package.

It is a challenging game, but not so hard to the point where you want to rage quit. It is a little annoying that there are no continues and no password feature to be found here. You have to start from the beginning of the game each time you play this. So it is a time commitment. And I wish there weren't so many cheap deaths. 

If you are a fan of classic 2D platformers, you should definitely check out the Terminator. If you're a fan of the movie, you need to check it out as well. It manages to be a ton of fun to play while also being a very immersive Terminator experience at the same time. This is not a perfect game by any means, but I have to say that I really, really liked it. This gets an easy recommend from me.

THE GRADE:

A-

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