Video Game Review #493: Star Wars Arcade

Star Wars Arcade

Sega 32X

Nostalgia Factor:

I first played Star Wars Arcade back in the mid 90s. I remember desperately wanting a 32X so that I could finally play a Star Wars game on a Sega console. As both a Genesis kid and a giant Star Wars fan, I was starving for content. It made me sick to my stomach seeing Star Wars games for the NES, SNES, the PC, and even the Sega CD (which was out of my price range). But there was nothing for the Genesis. Nothing.

The 32X was (predictably) a giant flop. At the end of the system's life span, I remember seeing an ad in the paper for Toys R Us, where these systems were being sold at a discounted clearance price. Something incredibly cheap, like 25 bucks. I thought: here it is! I finally had a chance to go out and get one of these things without completely breaking the bank.

I went to Toys R us and nabbed a 32X, which came with a copy of Virtua Fighter. I didn't have the money to spend on any extra games, so right after Toys R Us, I went straight  to Blockbuster Video to see what they had available to rent. There it was, right on the shelf: Star Wars Arcade. The game I had been pining for. I rented it, took it home, and dedicated that entire weekend to playing through this game. I barely even touched Virtua Fighter. It became a complete afterthought. My dream had come true: I was finally going to get to play Star Wars on a home console!

It ended up being a somewhat frustrating weekend. I could barely get the 32X to work. I followed the instructions and attached it to the Genesis as I was supposed to, but the games simply would not work. It took hours of unplugging it, plugging it back in, wiggling it around, and blowing in the games before Star Wars Arcade finally decided to load up.

Once I was able to get the game running, I didn't want to turn it off. I was afraid I'd never get it to work again! I dedicated so much time that weekend to Star Wars Arcade. In just 2 or 3 days I probably sunk 30 hours into the game. Amazing what you can do with some time and dedication. I wish I had that much time to put into a game nowadays!

My memories of the game are somewhat incomplete. I remember the basic premise of the game. I remember it being difficult. But that's about it. I did not remember much else about the game, or even if I had fun playing it. After that weekend, I never played the game again. In fact, aside from being able to play a few rounds of Virtua Fighter, I don't think I was ever able to get my 32X to work again. I ended up trading it in to a used game store for a few extra bucks.

Fast forward to the year 2024. Nearly 30 years have passed since I last played Star Wars Arcade. On a whim, I decided to fire up my Retropie and see if the game was still worth playing.

Spoiler alert: it is not. Read on for my full review.

Story:

This game loosely follows the events of the original Star Wars movie. You play as a fighter pilot. You have to do battle against the forces of the Empire. You go into combat against TIE Fighters, Star Destroyers, and you even make a run at the Death Star at the very end of the game.

There are two different game modes: Arcade and 32X version. In Arcade mode, you only play four stages: a TIE Fighter dogfight, a stage where you fly inside a Star Destroyer and blow it up from the inside, another TIE Fighter dogfight on the surface of the Death Star, and a final run at the Death Star's trench. Blow up the station and you win the game. Yay. This is the game mode that I played. I didn't even bother with 32X version. From its in-game description, it is more challenging and contains more levels.

I had such a rotten time with Arcade mode that 32X mode didn't even appeal to me. Arcade mode was hard! And 32X version was supposed to be even harder? No thanks. And more stages, too? Sounds like more opportunities to torture myself. I'll pass.

Gameplay:

In case you can't tell, I did not like this game. It's ugly, it's boring, it's repetitive, and it's way too difficult and unforgiving for someone like me.

This is a 3D space shooter. On the surface, it looks similar to Star Fox for the SNES, but that's where the comparisons quickly fall apart. Half the stages involve simply flying around trying to defeat a set number of enemies within the time limit. The other half are on-rails and involve trying to stay alive as you fly along a linear path. These stages probably carry the most similarities to Star Fox, but even then they are clearly not as fun.

You can switch between two perspectives: cockpit view and behind-the-ship view. Cockpit view is the way to go, here. You have a proper aiming reticule and you have access to a radar that shows enemy positions. Behind-the-ship view provides something more interesting to look at visually, but something almost completely unplayable as far as gameplay goes. Do yourself a favor and stick to cockpit view.

Two of Arcade Mode's four stages involve flying around a 3D area trying to gun down TIE Fighters. In the first stage, you have to defeat 20 within the time limit to move on to the next stage. It seems simple enough, but the controls are a little wonky. Even though it is an open 3D environment, you seemingly can only move your ship left and right. You can't go up or down, even though your enemies can. So if a TIE Fighter streaks by in front of you and starts to go up and off the screen, you can't follow it. WTF? It's open space. Why can't I go after it? At least the other stage where you have to defeat TIE Fighters takes place on the surface of the Death Star, so the movement restriction makes a little more sense.

Also, the game often tells you to hit the brakes whenever there is a TIE Fighter behind you. The goal is to have them go racing in front of you when you slow down, so that you can shoot them. Too bad this tactic only works like 40% of the time. The other 60%, you are just making yourself an easy target by slowing down and making it easier for them to hit you. Am I doing something wrong here? It's not like I was just hitting the brakes and sitting still. I was jitterbugging all over the place and still getting hit.

The other two Arcade Mode stages involve flying through a series of obstacles. The first one, you fly through the innards of a Star Destroyer trying to blow it up from the inside. You have to shoot down TIE Fighters that are chasing you and wall-mounted turrets that fire missiles at you. You also have to avoid running into obstacles. The other stage like this is your typical Star Wars video game Death Star trench run. Even though this is the New Hope Death Star, for some reason you have to fly inside it and blow up the core, while Lando talks to you on the intercom. Okay. 

This does a decent job at recreating an intense battle from the film(s), but is it any fun to play? No, it is not. It is mind-numbingly frustrating. Fail enough times and you have to start the whole annoying game over again from the beginning. SIGH.

Normally I like to complete a game to 100% before I review it, but Arcade mode is such a chore, I was not tempted at all by 32X mode. I had had enough misery for the time being. I already knew by this point that I didn't like the game. Absolutely no need to put myself through any more pain.

Graphics:

This whole game is kind of a joke to look at in present day, but back in the mid 90s this was considered fantastic looking. I suppose Star Fox for the SNES is a decent comparison visually. This game contains the same blocky 3D space ships that were so popular back in the day. It essentially looks like Star Fox but with a Star Wars skin. Despite the improved technology, however, it still manages to look worse.

Sound:

I suppose this game's sound is its one saving grace. It's almost impossible to have a Star Wars game that sounds like crap. The sound effects are great. You hear the same classic Star Wars laser blasts you hear in the movie. Get hit too many times and your R2 unit emits its signature screech. I always thought that was a nice touch. There are a few interspersed moments with voice acting from the movies. These voice clips sound pretty good considering this is cartridge based technology.

Stage music itself is fine. You definitely feel as if you are playing a Star Wars game as you make your way through these levels. The classic opening crawl music is pretty good as well, but personally I'd rather have a game that's actually fun to play.

Overall:

This is not a good game. It may in fact be the worst Star Wars game I have ever played. I'm actually a little disappointed I decided to come back and play this. If I was reviewing this solely based on memory, it probably would have gotten something in the B or C range. Playing it now, I don't see how it could get anything but an F. I had an awful time with the game, and I have no plans in my life to ever come back to it again.

This game isn't unplayable or anything like that. I'm sure there are games out there that are more poorly made than this that I've managed to like. It's just not fun. I enjoyed myself 0% of the time as I played through this. I wanted to give it a chance. I wanted to like it. But there is nothing here to like.

I think I've made my thoughts on the game quite clear. It sucks. It should only be played out of morbid curiosity. Avoid it if you can.

THE GRADE:

F

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Video Game Review #492: Firewatch

Firewatch

PlayStation 4

Nostalgia Factor:

I have known of Firewatch for a long, long time. This game came out in 2016, which is two years before I even got my PS4. I have read the rave reviews of the game, and it is always something I have wanted to check out. The only problem is that the game has never been on sale. I'm not paying 20 or 30 bucks for a walking simulator, no matter how good it is supposed to be.

The other day I was perusing the PlayStation Store, as there was a New Year's sale going on. None of the games on sale caught my eye, and I was about to exit out and resume playing Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age. I decided to do a quick search for Firewatch, just on the off chance it was on sale. And it was! After nearly 5 years of waiting for it to show up at a discounted price, I finally got my wish. I paid the 5 bucks or whatever it was, and began downloading the game immediately.

Would it be worth the long wait? That's what we are here to find out.

Story:

The entire game revolves around its story, so this will probably be my longest section of the review.

You play as Henry. When the game begins, you are briefly introduced to his backstory. He meets this woman in a bar. They fall in love and get married. She starts to develop early onset dementia. Her parents take her back home to Australia to take care of her. Henry, suffering from depression, takes a job as as a fire lookout at Shoshone National Park. It's a remote job, where he is isolated by himself. His only company is a woman named Delilah, who is stationed at another lookout point, who he communicates with via walkie talkie.

Right away, things start to get weird. Someone starts shooting off illegal fireworks in the area. Henry goes to investigate and finds two teen girls shooting them off. He chases them away. He goes on a walk. When he comes back, he finds his watchtower has been vandalized, presumably by the angry girls.

The next day, he finds their abandoned tent, which has been ripped to shreds. There is an angry note addressed to him from the girls. Apparently they thought Henry was stalking them? Things are further complicated when Henry spots a man with a flashlight watching him in the dark.

As Henry continues to get to know Delilah over walkie talkie, he learns that a previous watchman lived in the park illegally with his son, but Delilah didn't report it because she liked the kid. The watchman and the kid abruptly went missing, never to be seen again. This seems like background information at first, but it comes into major play later.

Odd things continue to happen. He discovers a strange fence in the middle of the park that should not be there. He learns that the teen girls he scared off have been reported missing. He finds transcripts of his conversations with Delilah. He finds an unreported and abandoned laboratory in the middle of the park. It seems like he is being monitored by an unknown party. This belief is further compounded when someone sneaks up behind him as he's walking in the woods and knocks him unconscious.

 

As things get stranger and stranger, Henry and Delilah begin to believe that there is a major conspiracy happening that they've been pulled into. A government experiment? Aliens? Are they getting set up because of the missing girls? The whole game has a very Lost-esque vibe that I was enjoying. You also begin to wonder if this is all in Henry's head. He's gone through a major traumatic event back at home. He could be hallucinating or going insane. He's never actually met Delilah, after all. Is she even real?

I'm going to spoil the ending here, so be warned: there is no conspiracy. In fact, the answer as to what is going on turns out to be quite simple. The previous watchman, who I mentioned earlier, is still living secretly in the park. His son, who wasn't supposed to be there, died in a hiking accident. Stricken by grief, his father decided to stay living in the park in complete isolation. Fearing Henry is "onto him" and what happened to his son, he tries to scare him away. The missing girls? They make it home safely. The secret laboratory? Just regular scientists studying plant growth. All's well that ends well, sort of.

A major fire starts to sweep through the park. Henry is forced to evacuate. He finds out that Delilah, who he's been crushing on since day one, has a boyfriend and doesn't want to meet up with him afterwards. As Henry leaves the park in a helicopter, the game ends.

At first I had mixed feelings about the ending. I was kind of hoping it was a conspiracy or some kind of experiment they were involved with. Or I was hoping it would all be in Henry's head. But there is a much more grounded and realistic explanation behind everything. It kinds of takes your expectations and tosses them aside. Not only with the events in the park, but with Delilah too. Not everyone gets a happy ending.

Gameplay:

As I mentioned before, Firewatch is what is known as a "walking simulator." This isn't a game where you battle enemies, solve puzzles, or jump from ledge to ledge. You just kinda walk around and let the story play out around you. 

The controls are very basic. Left analog stick makes you walk. Right stick has you look around. Click L3 to run. You also have a button to pick things up or to examine them. Mainly what you'll be doing is using your walkie-talkie. You take it out using the L2 button. Doing so brings a list of conversation choices on the screen. Simply make your selection to keep the conversation with Delilah rolling. Henry talks to Delilah about freaking everything. You find a beer can on the ground, call Delilah. See a tree with bear marks on it, call Delilah. Encounter a small pond? Call Delilah.

The conversation choices you make do affect the story, although I am not sure how drastically it changes things. There were a few conversation choices I made that were mentioned later on in the game, but I'm pretty sure the game takes you to the same place in the end regardless. I'll have to play this again someday and make some new choices to see if it changes anything.

There isn't much to do other than walk around and talk to Delilah. You are occasionally tasked with finding things, like cache boxes. Other times you'll have to check out special areas marked on your map. Navigation is a little annoying in this game. You have to manually pull out a map or a compass to orient your location. There is no onscreen map or HUD. Trails and walking areas are not always obvious visually, so I found myself pulling out the map quite frequently. You can't run with the map out, which is a pain in the behind. My biggest complaint in the game is definitely the navigation system. Could have been done a lot better.

Graphics:

I've never seen a game that is more of a mixed bag graphically than this. When it first started, I was a bit put off by how ugly things were. I remember coming down from the watchtower for the first time and seeing the messy green grass and the jagged pixels. Definitely looked like a low rent PS3 game.

The more I played, the more I began to change my mind. The forest setting is vast and impressive, if you can ignore the occasional technical glitch or limitation. Despite the fact that I enjoy being at home and playing video games, I'm a big nature person. I love the woods. I love camping and hiking outdoors. This game definitely brought me to a place of comfort and escapism, as I am in Wisconsin in the middle of January with a snowstorm going on outside right now.

I loved looking at the scenery, with the lake and the beautiful sunsets. The interior of the watchtower looks like a real location. Overall, my impression of the graphics are favorable. You kind of have to take the good with the bad in this game. 

Sound:

This game would not work at all if it did not have good voice acting. Thankfully, it does. Henry and Delilah feel like real, fleshed out people. Delilah has this charming and magnetic quality to her voice. Henry falls for her quickly, and we as players can't help but feel a kinship too. 

I loved the ambient sound effects as I walked around the woods. Birds chirping, wind blowing, branches falling, the occasional snapping sound. This whole game has a very tense and paranoid atmosphere to it. I can't tell you how many times I heard a noise behind me and I whirled around, only to find nothing there. Good stuff.

Overall:

While I've never been a huge fan of walking simulators as a whole, I have to say that Firewatch is probably the best of the genre that I have played. The story alone makes it worth it. It is very entertaining. If this was a movie or a miniseries, I would have really enjoyed it. As a video game, the gameplay is mediocre. But as an experience, it is very engaging and enjoyable. The story, the atmosphere, the tension, the exploration: all of it makes you want to keep pushing forward and forward until you find out what is going on.

Even two days after finishing it, I still can't get the game out of my head. Normally I don't come back and play a game two times, but I might do it this time. Maybe make some different choices this time around to see how much it changes the experience.

This game is definitely worth checking out. I'm not going to go too crazy and give this game anything in the A range. I don't think it is quite at that level. But it's close. 

     

THE GRADE:

B+

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Ranking the ten top movies I watched in 2023

Welcome, everyone, to my annual year-end movie ranking. I'm about to take a look back at 2023 and list my ten favorite movies I watched this year. These movies don't necessarily have to have been released in 2023. I just have to have watched them this year.

I watched 78 movies in the year 2023, so 68 of them will not make the list. Only the best of the best can be found here! I'll start at the bottom and work my way up:

#10:

Unlike many 80's kids, I didn't grow up watching the Beverly Hills Cop movies. The only one I was familiar with as a child was part 3, which I know a lot of people do not like. On a whim, I decided to revisit the series in 2023. The first movie is the one that stood out to me. The other two are not so great, but this one is gold. Eddie Murphy is so funny and charismatic as Axel Foley. He can fast talk his way out of anything. His dedication to his police work is admirable, despite his unorthodox methods. It's part of what makes him such a fun character. You never know what he is going to do. Axel Foley has to be one of the greatest movie characters of all time. The first movie is also the most original of the three. Things are fresh and exciting in this movie, whereas in the sequels they reuse the same jokes and wear them out. This is a standout 80s action comedy, and it's too bad I didn't give this series much love growing up.

Also, you can't talk about Beverly Hills Cop without acknowledging its killer theme song.

#9:

Sometimes you come across a movie that is so indulgent and over-the-top, that you just have to admire it. The Sadness is a movie that pulls absolutely no punches. It is about a virus that spreads quickly, turning people into homicidal maniacs that brutally attack whoever is closest nearby. Blood, guts, and gore is the name of the game here. Usually it takes a little bit more than gimmicky violence to impress me. It's the tone of the movie that does it for me. It made me so uncomfortable to watch. It's hard to illicit much of an emotional reaction from me, but this one did the trick. 

It's the scene on the subway car with all the random knife violence that really put me on edge. I started thinking about what I would do if this was happening around me. And how I would protect my family. And just how hopeless and lost of a cause that would be! In addition to being gory, the way the infected become evil with their words is just as bad. They really go all out in this film to disturb you. This is a movie that stuck with me for a while. Definitely worth the hassle of signing up for a one week Shudder free trial. 

#8:

There is a whole world of movies out there I have never heard of before. I had certainly never heard of Brigsby Bear until I listened to an episode of Staff Picks about this film. The host and co-host of the podcast kept saying over and over again before diving into their recap that this movie was so unique, you really had to watch it first before listening to the podcast. You know what? I actually listened to their advice. I stopped the podcast and went out and got this movie.

The basic premise is that there is a young boy who is taken from his real parents as a toddler and raised by kidnappers on an isolated and remote property. He is told that these people are his parents. They lead him to believe that the outside world has been destroyed and they live in a safe zone of some kind. They raise him from childhood to adult age. The main way they keep him entertained is by showing him episodes of a puppet based kids show named Brigsby Bear. These episodes teach lessons like how to read and write. This kid's whole entire life revolves around Brigsby and when the new episode will come out.

He is raised well into his 20s when the FBI raids the compound and arrests his "parents." The rest of the movie revolves around him meeting his new family and coping with the fact that his entire life has been a lie. He finds out that his fake parents worked in a TV studio and would secretly record episodes of Brigsby after-hours when all the staff was gone, so it was not even a real show.

The boy decides as a way of coping that he'll make a Brigsby movie to share with the world. He collects a ragtag group of followers that help him make his dream become a reality, and make the Brigsby movie happen. 

It really is a unique story that is funny, interesting, and touching in many different ways. I really enjoyed it. Definitely check it out if you have never seen it. I think recency bias plays a role here. I watched it way early in the year so that may be keeping it from ranking higher than it could or should have.

#7:

I watched this movie back in 2022, but I wasn't really paying attention to it, as I was dicking around on my phone while this movie was playing on the TV. I decided to give the movie another chance, because from what I saw of it - I liked. I'm glad I decided to watch it again because I really loved it this time around.

I understand some of you may be wondering how this movie could have made it all the way to #7 on my list. I'll admit this movie isn't any kind of cinematic masterpiece. But it's fun, darn it. It is just as good, if not better, than the 90s Mortal Kombat movie. The cinematography is great, and I found the storyline to be quite interesting as well. The fighters having "marks" that identify them, and the marks passing to the victor if the fighter is defeated was a neat twist. I like how it explains the characters' magical fight powers, too. I'm sure the logic of the movie does not hold up under much scrutiny, but I still had a great time with it. It's one of the best video game movies I have ever seen.

#6

The fact that I liked this movie so much kind of came out of left field. I wasn't a huge fan of the original movie, although I wouldn't say I disliked it. It was okay. I was in no rush to watch the sequel. I decided to throw it on one night, on a random whim. Immediately the movie hooked me. It is so fast paced and tense and full of thrills that I could not take my eyes off of it. It is almost like a video game how it moves so quickly from one tense moment to the next.

I absolutely loved this movie. It's just perfect from start to finish. It has made me want to go back and rewatch the original, which I probably will at some point in 2024.

#5

If you've seen American History X, you probably have strong feelings about it one way or the other. I personally think it is a great movie. I've seen it probably five times throughout the course of my life, and each time it gets better and better. The key is that I haven't watched it too many times. Each time watching it, it is almost like seeing it for the first time. I notice something different or pick up on something new. This 2023 viewing was probably my favorite one. 

It's a complex movie because its main characters aren't exactly heroes or upstanding citizens. But it also shows how people can change and turn their lives around, so you find yourself rooting for them. And then it ends in needless tragedy. This is definitely a movie that is designed to make you uncomfortable. A lot of the racist talking points of Edward Norton's character you see still reflected on social media in 2023. Almost verbatim, word for word. It's like they haven't gotten any new material in the last 25 plus years. And people are so open about it now. 

A few of my favorite scenes are: the big fight at dinner (yikes) and the curb stomping scene (double yikes). I don't know what it says about me that I like things that are supposed to disturb you or make you uncomfortable. I'm just a morbid person, I guess. 

#4:

Speaking of movies designed to make you uncomfortable, here is probably one of the most famous examples. A lot of people say they can't watch this movie more than once, but man do I love it. I watch it nearly every year or so. And it never gets old.

The cinematography, music, the in-your-face delusions of the characters. All of it is so intense and so unique. You can't help but just get sucked right into this movie and its messed up, drug fueled world. This is a top ten movie of all-time for me. The fact that I've seen it probably at least 15 to 20 times in my life and it doesn't get boring should tell you something right there.

#3

I absolutely love Braveheart. It is another top ten all time movie in my books. It might even be top 2 or 3. I love it. I have to have seen it at least ten to fifteen times in my life now.

My 2023 viewing may be the best of all of those viewings. I don't know if it is because I am older or wiser or what, but I picked up on a lot of stuff I missed out on in the past. That whole intro scene with the people hanging in the empty barn - I never knew what was going on or why those people were there. Not once in my previous 15 or so viewings did I ever pick up on that. I did this time. I picked up on a bunch of other things, too.

This is truly a remarkable movie. It hits all the right cords. Romantic, tragic, action packed. The acting is fantastic and it has a wonderful soundtrack too. Epic movie.

#2:

I've seen this movie so many freaking times in my life. I always hear the hype about how it is so good, and it is the best Batman movie ever, blah blah blah. I've always thought it was overrated. Always. But every few years I find myself coming back to it to give it another shot.

It only took me 15 years since the movie came out to finally appreciate it. I really, really enjoyed it this time around. Maybe it is the fact that I am a more mature father now. Maybe I was just finally in the right frame of mind to appreciate it. I don't know what it is, but I thought it was just superb. I watched this with the lights off and my earbuds in. I was on the edge of my chair, really absorbed in the movie the whole way through it. It is so intense, and the stakes just feel so high. The whole movie gave me anxiety in the pit of my stomach, but in a good way. What a roller coaster ride.

I don't understand how I thought the movie was only mediocre on my previous viewings. But I loved it in 2023. I finally see what everyone else sees in this movie. It's damn good.

#1:

I first watched Prisoners back in 2014, which was nine years ago if you are keeping track. It ranked 92nd on my movie ranking list back then. 92nd. Here is what I had to say about it:

"I like the basic premise of the movie, but things moved a little too slowly for me. I was often bored while watching this, and eventually started to lose interest. I remember there being some kind of twist at the end but by then I was too out of it to really care or remember what happened. Maybe I will give it another chance some day."

What the heck, Dan? Seriously, what the heck??? This movie is absolutely fantastic. How did you not like it??? I guess I sort of get it. The movie is a slow burn. If you don't have a few hours to set aside to immerse yourself in it, or if you have something else on your mind, it might be hard to get into. But I was able to carve out a little bit of time when the kiddo was in bed to devote to this movie, and it was well worth it.

It tells the story of a father whose daughter has gone missing. A mysterious van was seen in the vicinity when she went missing. The father tracks down the owner of the van, who turns out to be mentally handicapped. All evidence seems to point to him, but the police's hands are tied. The father takes matters into his own hands, capturing the man and trying to torture information out of him. While this is going on, the investigation into the disappearance takes some dark and unexpected twists and turns.

The whole movie has a very gritty and unsettling feeling to it, similar to The Silence of the Lambs or the first season of True Detective. I found it to be very gripping. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. The ending is great, too. Open ended, but moreso to the positive side of things. 

Prisoners left a giant impression on me. It's just such a great movie. There's a reason it is ranks #1 on my list. If you haven't seen it, go out and do it now! You won't regret it.

That's the end of my list! Here are some honorable mentions for movies that didn't quite make my top 10:

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Ghostbusters Afterlife

Home Alone

The Terrifier 2

The Bad News Bears

Midsommar

My Bodyguard

T2: Judgement Day

The Sixth Sense

Unfriended

Fall

The Quick and the Dead

A Knight's Tale

Jojo Rabbit

Avatar: The Way of Water

Video Game Review #491: Tiny Toon Adventures

Tiny Toon Adventures

Nintendo Entertainment System

Nostalgia Factor:

When I turned this game on last night, I was convinced I had played it before. I liked the Tiny Toons TV show when I was a kid, and I played a lot of games on my NES. You'd have thought that I would have played this growing up. And I really thought I did. But when I started playing it, nothing looked familiar. Surely I would have remembered the overworld map, the ability to switch to different characters mid-level, or the upbeat rendition of the Tiny Toons theme song. But nothing was ringing a bell as I played.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued playing anyway. Would I have liked this as a kid, and how would I like it now in present day? Let's dive in.

Story:

Buster Bunny is at home, chillin' and watching some TV. His regularly scheduled programming is interrupted by the evil Montana Max, who announces that he's captured Babs Bunny. He issues a challenge to Buster to come rescue her. So Buster gets off his couch and races off into battle against Montana Max and his evil forces.

There is absolutely nothing special about this game's story. It is your classic damsel in distress tale that we've seen hundreds of times throughout the history of video games.

Gameplay:

This is a very traditional 2D platformer. There are 6 worlds to conquer, each one split up into several stages. At the start of each world, you are asked to pick a partner. Your choices are: Plucky Duck, Dizzy Devil, and Furrball. When the first stage of the world begins, you start out as Buster Bunny. Buster controls similarly to Mario. You've got two basic actions: jump and run. You defeat enemies and bosses by simply jumping on their heads.

As you make your way through the game, you'll encounter floating balloons that contain one of two items: a heart or the ability to switch your character. You start with an empty health meter. Just one hit will kill you. If you collect a heart, it will take two hits to kill you. If you have a heart in your inventory when you collect another heart, it gives you an extra life. If you pop a balloon and it gives you the character switch item, this is where the choice you made at the beginning of the world comes into play. If you picked Plucky Duck, he has a special ability where you can glide through the air. Dizzy has a special attack that turns him into a tornado (although he does not possess the ability to run). Furrball can slide down walls and jump off of them if need be. Furrball seemed the most useless to me. I picked him once and then never again.

You collect carrots as you play. Every once in a while (maybe once per world) you'll encounter a white door frame. Enter the door frame and you can cash in 30 carrots for an extra life. Nice. Otherwise, these carrots have little to no extra function.

Most worlds consist of three stages. The first stage, you simply have to make it to the level exit. The second stage, you make it to the level exit - and then have to avoid Elmyra who tries to kiss you. If she gets you in her clutches, you are sent all the way back to the beginning of the world, which sucks. I learned this the hard way on my first attempt through this game. I tried to jump on her head like I would with any other enemy, and got sent back to the beginning of the game. The third stage of each world usually starts with a standard "make it to the end" platformer level, which ends in a boss fight. None of these bosses are too hard. Just watch their patterns and try to jump on their head three times in order to defeat them.

I played through this game twice before reviewing it. On my first playthrough, I became frustrated with the game and how I kept dying and/or getting sent back to the start of each stage or world. I was having to replay large chunks of the game I'd already beaten, which was not fun. I decided to just start using save states to make my way to the end and beat the game.

I revisited the game this morning and gave it a go without using save states. Now that I knew how the game operated, I had little to no trouble with it. My extra lives were maxed out by the end of the second world, and I didn't die or lose a single life for almost half the entire game. There is a definite difficulty spike about midway through the game. It starts in that stage where there are enemies popping out of windows and garbage cans to throw things at you. They just appear mid-jump before you have any chance to react to them. I suddenly found myself dying left and right. My stock of extra lives which had been maxed out dropped precariously low. I was able to make it through the rest of the game and beat it for a second time, but not without great difficulty.

I think I would have loved this as a kid. It's tough, but it eases you in with the difficulty level. While the second half of the game is a big challenge, it never feels too unfair. Undoubtedly I would have played this game over and over again when I was a kid, to the point where it wasn't even a challenge at all to me anymore.

Graphics:

This is not the best looking NES game of all time. It is very generic and basic looking. There is almost no detail in any of the stage backgrounds. This game looks like an early generation NES title, even though it came out in 1991. 

If there is any saving grace to the graphics, it is in the boss and character design. All your favorite characters from the cartoon are represented here. They look good. You can tell who is who, and they don't look ugly. Not exactly glowing praise from me, but I suppose this game could look a lot worse.

Sound:

If you like the classic Tiny Toon Adventures theme song, you'll like its 8-bit musical rendition that they use in the game. It's cute and charming and brought a smile to my face when I first heard it. Be prepared to hear it a lot, though. It's the stage theme for quite a few levels in this game. The other music you hear is pretty good, too. It's got that signature Konami feel to it.

Sound effects are nice as well. Some sound effects were pulled straight from Mario, which I thought was funny. The entire game seems like an homage to the Mario series (the game's ending even has curtains and a stage that look identical to Mario 3's), and I am totally okay with that.

Overall:

You know, I had a surprisingly good time with this game. I wasn't sure what to expect of it when I first began playing. I thought I'd played it as a kid, then quickly figured out that I didn't. I would have loved it as a kid, though. It checks all the boxes for being a fun and engaging 2D platformer.

The game isn't very long, so it can be beaten in just about an hour. Maybe even less. But it is a fun hour, and a challenging one at that. It can be a bit frustrating at times, but a little practice makes perfect. I actually enjoyed it much more on my second playthrough. As a kid, I would have fired up this game dozens and dozens of times. I am positive I would have loved this growing up.

Is it as good as Ducktales? No. But I still had a fun time with this game. And I'd return to it again in the future. This is definitely a quality title. While I wouldn't say I was ecstatic about the game or that it is one of my new favorite NES titles, I can still freely admit I had a good time with it. It's definitely worth checking out if you have never played it before.

THE GRADE:

B

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Video Game Review #490: Dino Crisis

Dino Crisis

PlayStation

Nostalgia Factor:

I have fond memories of renting Dino Crisis back in 1999 when the game first came out. I was in love with the idea of playing what was essentially a Resident Evil game with dinosaurs. I struggled mightily with the game the weekend that I'd rented it. Normally I breeze through Resident Evil games, but I kept getting stuck on Dino Crisis left and right. I specifically remember the puzzles being very challenging.

I never beat Dino Crisis that weekend, but I came back and rented the game again a few weeks later. This is where my memories start to get fuzzy. If you'd asked me just two weeks ago if I'd beaten the game, I would have said yes. But now that I've played through the whole thing here in present times, I can safely say that I never beat this as a kid. None of the endgame looked familiar, and there is absolutely no way I would have been able to do this without the help of the internet. So I guess my memories were wrong. I never beat this game when I was younger.

I still have fond memories of it, though. Would it hold up in the modern day? Debatable. Read onward for my full impressions.

Story:

You play as Regina, a special forces agent who is dropped onto an island where a scientist (who is long believed dead) is doing top secret work. Foul play is suspected, so with some inside help from someone on the island, you are sent in to retrieve the scientist and bring him back for questioning.

Immediately, the plan falls apart. Your team is disbanded by dinosaur attacks. Everyone on the island is dead. You have to fight through an island full of dinosaurs to uncover the mystery of what is going on and track down the missing scientist. As you can probably guess, it was his experimentation that led to the dinosaurs appearing on the island.

The game's story isn't particularly interesting, but it does throw multiple branching paths in your way, which adds to its replay value. I believe there are up to three different endings as well. I certainly won't be playing through this game a second (or even a third time), so I guess the only way I'll ever see those endings is if I look them up on YouTube.

Gameplay:

Anyone familiar with classic Resident Evil will feel right at home when playing Dino Crisis. It utilizes the same tank controls, similar item management, a similar map system, similar puzzles, similar combat, and similar gameplay mechanics, all of which you've seen in classic Resident Evil games before. They don't even try to hide it. This is a Resident Evil game in everything but its name.

Your goal is to traverse the facility on the island and track down the missing scientist. Along the way you'll encounter dinosaurs that you can either battle or run away from. Ammo is scarce in the early goings of the game, so I mainly chose to run. Later on in the game, I often opted to fight. It all depends on the situation.

Unlike Resident Evil, you can't just stand there and shoot an enemy until it dies. The enemies in this game are quick and fast. If you stand in one spot emptying your handgun into a raptor, you are going to take a lot of damage from it. That's where the tranquilizer shots come in. You can hit your enemies with a dart and make them fall down, at which point you can unload your weapon into them.

As the game goes on, you pick up things like shotguns and grenade launchers. They definitely come in handy, as some of the late game dinosaurs can be quite tough.

An interesting mechanic is how dinosaurs will follow you from room to room if you do not kill them. This gives you some incentive to take them out, so you don't have to run from them all the time. They just keep coming after you if you don't take care of them. I like how they do this. Makes it feel suspenseful, like you are being stalked. Just like Jurassic Park when the raptors have learned how to open doors. 

Dino Crisis is much more puzzle heavy and much more map-reliant than Resident Evil. The puzzles in Resident Evil tend to be pretty simple and obvious. The puzzles here are much harder. I got lost, or didn't know what I was supposed to do sooooo many times playing this. Luckily I could just look up where I was supposed to go online. Back in 1999, I didn't have this option. That makes this game so much more difficult than Resident Evil. There is no blowing through this game in one weekend. If you want to beat Dino Crisis, you've got to sit down and get serious.

My biggest gripe about the game is its lack of direction. They purposely seem to make things difficult for the players. When you read a journal entry in this game, it will often contain a number combination for a safe, or some important information that you need to know. But for some reason, this game doesn't track your journal entries like Resident Evil. You can't pause the game, open your menu, and read through them to locate the password you need. No, no. The game makes you memorize these things. If you don't write them down, you might as well forget about it. You can backtrack and find the journal and read it again, but nothing is marked on the map, so good luck finding that specific journal entry you need.

The game also has some annoying puzzles when it comes to opening certain keypads. You have to use your brain and decipher the password using clues listed on the side of the screen. They start out easy, but quickly get too complicated for my dumb ass to figure out. What is this, a video game or a homework assignment?

It's never quite clear where you need to go on the game's map. Sometimes they'll mark your destination with a glowing red icon, but for the most part you are left to wander aimlessly on your own. Key items that you need to pick up, or computers you need to access blend into the background. I found myself walking past something obvious that I should have seen dozens of times as I played. Imagine the frustration when you've explored the entire map, there are no glowing destinations to head to, and there absolutely no hints as to where you are supposed to go or what you are supposed to do next. I am not saying the game needs to hold your hand, but abandoning the players and forcing them to wander aimlessly is very frustrating game design.

In the end, I was surprised to find that I didn't really have much fun with Dino Crisis. I love the concept, and I seem to have some fond memories of the game growing up. But it just didn't quite do it for me at the age of 41.

 

Graphics:

I think the game looks pretty good. The environment of the game, with its sterile offices and laboratories, isn't very visually stimulating. The characters and the dinosaurs are the bread and butter of this game, especially the dinosaurs. This is everything you'd want in a game that is essentially a Jurassic Park/Resident Evil hybrid.

Everything in this game is fully rendered in 3D, even the environments. This isn't like Resident Evil with its 2D environments. I'd say the look and feel of the game is more like Metal Gear Solid than anything else. I personally like this game's graphics quite a bit, although I admit it could have used some variety from its endless hallways, laboratories, and offices. Everything is just so grey.

Sound:

The music and voice acting is on par with anything you'd hear in a Resident Evil game. Even the sound you make when you make selections on the menu is identical. If you closed your eyes and didn't know any better, you'd swear this was a Resident Evil game.

Overall:

I really wish I'd have had a better time with this game. I had such high hopes for it, such fond memories playing it as a 17 year old kid. But as an adult, I just didn't find much joy in it. It's confusing, it's meandering, it's slow moving, it's bland, and I get the feeling that it thinks its better than it actually is.

If this was a mainline Resident Evil game, it would rank as the worst game in the series for me. In fact, I'd compare it more to something like Deep Fear for the Saturn. It gave off a lot of similar vibes. Two games that look, feel, and are obviously inspired by Resident Evil, but are lacking that element of fun, joy, accessibility, and surprise that the RE series contains.

This is definitely a better game than Deep Fear, but to be honest, I do not see a future in which I ever return and play this game again. I'll still check out its sequel, because I am curious about it. But this game? Not really my cup of tea. Which is sad, because you'd think it would be right up my alley.

THE GRADE:

C-

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