Video Game Review #481: Batman: The Video Game

Batman: The Video Game

Sega Genesis

Nostalgia Factor:

Prior to tonight, I had played this game at exactly one point in my life: a random weekend back in the mid 90s. I had rented this game from Blockbuster Video. I remember staying up late at night, trying to beat this game. While I don't remember much about the game itself, I remember liking it and I do remember being able to beat it.

Ever since I discovered how to emulate, this has been a game I've wanted to return to. I'm a big fan of Batman video games, and of all the countless Batman titles out there, this is one I am relatively unfamiliar with. I had only played it for one weekend over 25 years ago. Would it still hold up after all this time? I reckon it is time to find out.

Story:

This game follows the events of the first Michael Keaton Batman movie. In fact, it follows the movie much, much closer than its NES counterpart, which I reviewed back in 2022. The entire plot of the film is laid out in the game's opening sequences if you do not press anything when the title screen comes up. Effective, I suppose. By doing this, the game developers didn't have to worry about putting cutscenes in between each stage. Just lay it all out right away what you're going to see in the game!

Gameplay:

This is a pretty typical 2D side scroller of its time. Controlling Batman, you use the d-pad to move your character around. As far as I know, there isn't a way to run. So Batman can move pretty slowly at times. There is a punch button, a jump button, and a "throw batarangs" button. Stages mainly consist of moving left to right, defeating enemies as they appear. You make it to the end of the stage and fight a boss character. You beat him, you move onto the next level. So on and so forth.

Although the gameplay sounds very cut and paste, this is still a pretty fun game. The challenge level is just right. I'd recommend cranking your number of lives up to seven, as you have to start a stage over from the beginning when you run out of lives. This isn't an overly tough game, but three lives isn't quite enough to get through some of the more difficult stages, especially with how quickly some enemies can drain your health meter. You can be playing a near-perfect game and then die multiple times in a matter of seconds.

You also have a grappling hook, as is typical for many Batman games that came out in the 90s. This grappling hook isn't used much here. There are stages where you need to ascend to another level above you, but that is about it. This isn't like most Batman games that involve a lot of jumping, swinging, and precision platforming. There is some of that in the game, sure, but most of the focus of the game is on the combat.

There is a flying stage later on in the game, where you control the Batplane as it shoots down the Joker's poisonous balloons. You also get attacked by helicopters and other flying enemies. It's a fun stage. It is a little difficult, but its shortness makes up for that. If you can just stay alive for, like, two or three minutes, you have got this in the bag. This is really the only stage I remember from when I had played this as a kid. There's also a stage where you drive the Batmobile and blow up enemy vehicles, but there is nothing special or memorable about that one.

There really isn't much else to talk about. This is a pretty basic platformer. But that's not a bad thing. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with the game. I wouldn't say this is the greatest game of all time or anything, but it is a good way to kill a few hours. I even played through it twice for this review. Can't be that bad, huh?

Oh, I almost forgot one of my biggest gripes. In the Axis Chemical stage, there is a pipe that explodes as you walk over it. You have to jump off of the pipe over a pile of boxes in your way. If you should happen to fall, there is literally no way to get past those boxes, and you have to intentionally let yourself die so you can start the level over again. WTF kind of game design is that? (Edit: I played through the game one more time after writing this review, and found that the grappling hook was able to pull me onto a small piece of pipe remaining from the explosion. So you can get past this part normally. Huh. I had tried the grappling hook previously. Wonder why it didn't work!)

Graphics:

This is such a mixed bag, graphically. There are some stages that look great, like the Batplane level up above. And there are stages that look like they could have come from the NES, like the museum stage I posted a picture of below.

Batman himself is unimpressive. This is probably one of the worst video game Batmans I have ever seen. He doesn't look cool or badass or anything. He just looks derpy. I'll take the purple NES Batman over this any day of the week. Enemies themselves look fine. The driving stage looks good. Like I said, some stages look okay. Others don't. 

Sound:

This game has good music, not that I remember any of it. I remember it fit the tone of the game well. Some tracks almost gave off kind of an Ecco the Dolphin vibe. I can dig it. It is nothing that will stick on your head or go on any of your video game music playlists, though. It serves its purpose and that's about it.

Overall:

I can easily recommend this game to anyone interested. It's not a must play title by any means, but if you like Batman and you like 2D side-scrollers, you should like this. It's fun, there is some variety, it's  challenging. And it's Batman! It checks all the boxes.

This is a game that I can see myself returning to in the future. Let's say it is late at night and I only have an hour or so with nothing else to do. Not enough time to invest myself in a longer game, but just enough time to make a run at this one. Perfect. Compare this to Mischief Makers, my last review. It was a game I liked, but a game I'll probably never play again. I'll definitely play this one again.

THE GRADE:

B-

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Video Game Review #480: Mischief Makers

Mischief Makers

Nintendo 64

Nostalgia Factor:

Mischief Makers came out in 1997, when I was just a sophomore in high school. This was a magical time to be alive if you were a gamer. I had a Saturn, a PlayStation, and a Nintendo 64, and every single weekend I would rent a new game for one of these systems.

Unfortunately, my gaming obsession started to affect my grades. I didn't do homework, didn't complete any assigned projects, didn't study for tests. All I did was game game game. Towards the end of my sophomore year, I remember renting Mischief Makers with the intent of devoting an entire weekend to it. I was able to beat the game fairly quickly. I remember I had just started up a second playthrough of the game when my mom came in the room, saying she'd just gotten a call from my health class teacher in high school. There was a big paper due that I had not submitted. If I didn't submit my paper, I was going to fail the class. As long as I submitted something, I was probably going to pass. My mom made me turn off the game and get to work on that project immediately. I never played Mischief Makers again.

At the time, I was really angry with my teacher for calling my house on the weekend. What a bitch. I thought it was so invasive. What happens in school should stay in school, right? In retrospect, I am glad she did. If I hadn't submitted that paper, I probably would have flunked out of high school. I graduated with exactly the number of credits needed to graduate. That half credit from health class would have kept me in school another year, which is a terrifying thought.

Every time I think of  Mischief Makers, I remember how my time with the game was cut short because of that phone call. I remember that more than the game itself. I decided to take a walk down memory lane and revisit this game, nearly 26 years after the fact. I was 15 years old the last time I played this. How would I like it at the ripe old age of 41? Let's find out.

Story:

This game's story is... interesting to say the least. It's funny, I just reviewed a different game from Treasure last week (Guardian Heroes) and that game's story is just as insane as this one. I remember that Gunstar Heroes also has a wacky story as well. Is this a trademark of Treasure games?

Anyway, you play as a robot named Marina. Marina has to rescue Professor Theo from the "Clancer" aliens who keep kidnapping him over and over again to bring to their Emperor. The story is very comical and lighthearted, filled with an eclectic cast of characters. It is nothing too deep or serious. In fact, you probably won't remember a single thing about the storyline a few weeks after you finish playing this game. The storyline is just a vessel to keep things moving along. They try to make it entertaining, though, which is appreciated, although I feel that some story sequences drag on for far too long, giving me mild Undertale vibes. We get it. You're trying to be cute and funny. But can we just play the game, please?

Gameplay:

This is not your typical 2D platformer. Most games of the genre focus on things like shooting, combat, and precision jumping. Most games also give you a set number of lives and continues that you have to use to beat the game. Not Mischief Makers. 

This is a slower paced platformer makes you use your head. It's almost like a puzzle platformer. You can't attack your enemies. Jumping on them does not do anything. The main focus of the game is on grabbing things. Grab your enemy and throw it, or grab something and throw it at the enemy. You also jump and grab these floating face things as you play. You can use them as simple grapple points when you are trying to climb. You can also shake them to see if they open up any paths through the level. Sometimes these faces zip around the stage on tracks, and you have to grab onto them so they can take you where you need to go.

There is an overhead map in between stages that marks your progress. Pass a stage, move forward a space on the map. Most stages are fairly short. In fact, some are downright laughably short and can be beaten in less than a minute. Others are longer and require more thought and time when solving their puzzles.

There are also boss stages scatted throughout the game. Boss encounters quickly became something I looked forward to. They require a lot of strategy. You have to recognize the enemy patterns while finding what it is in the environment that you need to use to inflict damage on them. For example, for one boss you may need to pick up the small enemies and throw them at him to damage him. For another boss, you might grab onto the boss's weapon, pull it away from him, and use it against him. The game's standard stages are not very challenging, so I always looked forward to going into battle against these bosses and discovering their weaknesses.

There is some nice variety in the stages. One stage I will remember fondly is the stage where it is like the Olympic games, and you have to play through a series of different competitions. Although combat is limited, the puzzles themselves always seem fresh. The boss encounters do a nice job mixing things up as well.

While I wouldn't say Mischief Makers is a great game, or anything close to a great game for that matter, I can't deny that I still had a solid time playing it. It did just enough to keep me invested until the very end.

Graphics:

Most people playing this game in modern times will fall into two camps. They'll either be able to appreciate that this game looked good for its time, or they'll just say it looks like outdated crap. I fall into the first category. No, this isn't a beautiful looking game. In fact, I'd say some older titles that were released on 16-bit consoles (like Rocket Knight Adventures, Speedy Gonzales: Las Gatos Banditos, etc) look better. The character design is flat out weird looking, and the sprite animation is somewhat clunky and pixelated.

What the game gets right is its mix of 2D character and 3D environments. It doesn't always work, and you can very much tell that this type of art style was a work in progress for its time. But it does a lot of cool cinematic things that you didn't see back then. Some zooming in and out, some cool special effects. The makers of the game definitely had a very specific, lighthearted tone in mind when developing this title. And the artwork and the graphics are a perfect match for that tone.

Sound:

There is not much that is memorable about the game's music. I just finished playing it last night and I already could not hum a single tune from the game for you. I don't remember it being bad, though. It seems to fit the quirky and cheerful mood of the game.

What I will remember are the funny voice acted lines. "Shake, shake" and "Help me, Marinaaaa!!" are some of the highlights of the game for me. Very fun.

Overall:

This is a fairly average game. It doesn't really do anything poorly, but it doesn't do anything that is too remarkable, either. It's a decent puzzle solving platformer with some good boss battles. I suppose I could use this space to gripe about the game's ending. As you play, you collect white crystals, which are hidden in each stage. When the ending starts playing, it shows how many crystals you collected in the top left corner of the screen. The number of crystals starts going down, like a timer counting down. Once it hits zero, the ending cuts out and it goes back to the title screen. So unless you have collected every white crystal in the game (I believe there are 52), you can't see the true ending. I collected, like, 15 of them. I looked up the full ending on YouTube, because I sure as shit wasn't about to go back and get them all. I hate when games arbitrarily make you go back and find collectibles before you can see the ending. Jet Force Gemini, Ultimate Ghosts 'n Goblins: I'm looking at you! Add Mischief Makers to that list as well.

Gripes aside, I didn't have a terrible time playing this. But if you wanted to skip over this game, you would not really be missing much. I'd classify my time with Mischief Makers as "slightly above average." And you know what that means....

 

THE GRADE:

C+

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Video Game Review #479: Far Cry 3

Far Cry 3

PlayStation 3

Nostalgia Factor:

This is a game I have been itching to play for a very long time. I've heard nothing but good things about this game over the years. People say it is the best Far Cry game. People also say it is one of the best games of the PS3 era.

I've played the first two games in the Far Cry series, and I liked them both. The first game was an okay but ultimately forgettable experience. The second one was much better, but bogged down with things that were really annoying. It laid the groundwork for this game, however. So how would I feel about this one?

Spoiler alert: this is easily my favorite game in the series so far. Read on for my full thoughts.

Story:

This game has a pretty decent story. You play as Jason Brody, a rich frat boy who is out partying and seeing the world with a large group of friends. They are on vacation, skydiving onto on a remote, tropical island when Jason and his friends are taken captive by Vaas - the game's main villain. You may recognize him from the artwork on the cover of this game. I'm familiar with the artwork, but I was in shock when I saw which actor played him. As soon as I started playing this and I heard him talk, I was like: "Hey! That's Nacho from Better Call Saul!" He plays a pretty good villain, too.

Jason escapes Vaas, but his brother is killed in the attempt. Jason is taken in by the Rakyat, a group of natives to the island. They are in combat against the pirate group led by Vaas. Jason is recruited to go to war against Vaas and rescue his friends from captivity.

Spoiler alert: Vaas is defeated about 3/4 of the way through the game. Maybe even less than that. This is when you seek to liberate the island from its true enemy. Someone above even Vaas on the criminal food chain: Hoyt. The diabolical rich guy pulling all the strings. If you are comparing this to Star Wars, Hoyt is the Emperor and Vaas is Lord Vader.

After Hoyt is defeated, Jason gathers his friends to escape the island once and for all. But then you're faced with an interesting decision: stay on the island and bang the super shmexy Citra for the rest of your life, or leave the island behind and escape with your friends? I chose the first option. Heh. Jason proceeds to kill all his friends, and then he himself is killed by Citra after he impregnates her. Hope it was worth it, yo. I mean, Citra was pretty darn hot.

I didn't even mention the mythical aspects to the game's story. As you play, Jason gets stronger and draws from the magic of the island. He gets tribal tattoos that give him power. He sees visions occasionally throughout the course of the game. This isn't a game that sticks to a "real world" plot. There is definitely a supernatural element to be found here, and it really blends well with the setting and the theme of the game.

Gameplay:

I came into this game right off the heels of playing Days Gone on the PS4. Coming off such a smooth-controlling game like that, it took me a little while to get used to this game's controls. The camera feels very loose as you walk around the island. The driving mechanics come across as herky-jerky. Combat is a confusing affair. My initial impression from the first hour I spent with the game was that it was a mess.

But the more time I sank into this game, the more I began to understand its mechanics. And once things had completely clicked in my mind, I began to have an absolute blast with this game.

It is an open world title. The majority of the map is open to you immediately. You can go right to the mission markers or you can visit other areas if you'd like. There are collectibles aplenty to be found, such as secret chests and hidden relics. There are several radio towers in the game that you have to scale, and once you reach the top you survey the area and fill out that area of your map. I think of them like the Tallnecks from Horizon Zero Dawn. The towers get progressively harder as you play the game. Getting to the top of them becomes almost like solving a puzzle in its own way.

In addition to the radio towers, there are enemy camps you can liberate. There are special timed challenges where you look to take the top score against your online friends. There are also timed "race" missions where you have to deliver supplies from one end of the island to another before the timer runs out. In this game you are rarely stranded out in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do or nothing to find. There is always something to do somewhere. The game lets you freely use fast travel, which is such a major blessing. You can get around the map pretty quickly and easily in most cases.

Don't let the fact that this game takes place on an island make you think that the game's map is small. It is not. The island is big. Think Ghost of Tsushima big. Okay, maybe it is not that big. But just as that game can handle being confined to an island, and this one definitely can as well. And there are a lot of activities crammed onto this island. In addition to what I've already mentioned, there are side quests, hunting missions, bounties to collect, plants to scavenge, and safe houses to collect where you can upgrade your equipment. Oh, and there are vehicles everywhere. Cars, jeeps, boats, jet skis, even hang gliders. You should never be in want of a vehicle to hop into if you have somewhere to be.

If I had to pick the area of the game I liked the least, it would be the combat. Stealth is very important in this game, but the way stealth is handled is genuinely not good. Or maybe I am just not that good at the game? I was constantly getting spotted, no matter how hard I tried to be stealthy. Seeing how if you are seen, the enemy can call for reinforcements that make the battle drag out ten times longer than it needs to be, I hated that I was so bad at stealth. It made some areas of the game so much more difficult than they really needed to be.

The shooting itself is a bit weird. When you pull out your weapon and press the left shoulder button, it auto-locks on the nearest enemy you are pointing at for just a split second. The right shoulder fires your weapon. This little "assist" got me through some pretty tough areas. My aim is always crap in games like this, especially when your enemies are running around all the time. If you aren't using the lock on feature, things can get hairy. I found the controls to be very herky-jerky, making it quite difficult to line up my shots properly. I also found that if I didn't take care of them right away, enemies had a way of encircling me and draining my health meter fast fast fast. There were so many instances where I was on a roll and thought I was doing very well, only to be killed in a matter of seconds by enemies I didn't even know were there.

Here lies my main problem with the combat: its unfairness. For the most part this is a fairly balanced game, but when it gets hard, it gets hard. Trying to raid camps caused probably the most grief for me. It is very frustrating to have to redo large chunks of the game over again when you die. I lost count of how many times I was down to one or two enemies left, and then I had to start the whole thing over again. Enemies can take you out so freaking fast. And they pop up with almost no warning. Throw in the clunky aiming and you can see why this would cause problems. I hate how there is so much wildlife that can kill you, too. I had missions interrupted multiple times by freaking bear attacks out of the middle of nowhere. It is annoying when you are traversing the map, just trying to make it from point A to point B and you are attacked and killed. Some of these enemies are no joke. A cheetah can drain your health in one attack. And they are so hard to lock onto and shoot! So many times my animal battles devolved into me spinning around in all directions, waving my knife frantically around in front of me.

This isn't a game you can expect to pick up and dominate immediately. There is a learning curve. It offers a steady challenge. And yes, there is a lot about the game that is frustrating and unfair. I found myself shouting at the TV more times than I care to admit. And that is not something I do normally. I probably haven't done it since, well, Far Cry 2. But this game definitely improves on that one. Looking back, Far Cry 2 was a solid game that I enjoyed (for the most part), but this game takes everything about that second title and improves upon it tenfold. Far Cry 2 walked so Far Cry 3 could run.

 

Graphics:

Initially I was a little put off by the game's graphics. I guess that is what happens when you go from playing a current gen game like Days Gone to a game from 2012. Jagged edges, some choppy animations, some occasional slowdown. Once I was able to mentally get past all that, I didn't even notice it anymore. Small technical matters aside, the game looks pretty darn good for something that is eleven years old.

The island itself and all the beautiful scenery are the stars of the game. Everything looks just so lush and vibrant. The presentation of the game, such as the cutscenes and the mirrored title screen, is amazing. This entire game is a very cinematic experience. I'm sure a remaster for current gen consoles would look incredible. I mean, it looks good enough already.

Sound:

This game has some great music and sound effects. While the game mainly relies on ambient sound effects, the music (when it is present) fits the tone of the game perfectly. The Flight of the Valkyries makes two appearances in the game, and both appearances are fantastic - particularly the second one. The voice acting is great too. Vaas is a famous video game villain for a reason, and all the supporting characters are well-acted too.

Overall:

The reviews were right: this is an awesome game. It took me an hour or two to fully become invested in the game, but once that happened, I couldn't put this down. It is fun, addicting, and has a map full of stuff to do. It blows the previous two Far Cry games completely out of the water. I can't wait to play its DLC (Blood Dragon) and all the other Far Cry games now. 

If you haven't played this, what are you doing? I consider this to be an absolute must-play. It definitely has its annoying and frustrating moments, which is keeping me from giving it a perfect score. But this game is almost as good as it gets.

THE GRADE:

A

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Video Game Review #478: Guardian Heroes

Guardian Heroes

Sega Saturn

Nostalgia Factor:

I remember renting Guardian Heroes from Blockbuster Video when I was in high school. I had never heard of the game before, but there was nothing else I wanted to play at the video store. Not wanting to go home empty handed, I took a flier on this game. Boy did it turn out to be a great surprise.

I absolutely loved this game, and I must have devoted my entire weekend to playing it over and over again. Most of the time with beat 'em ups you only play through them once or twice. But this game had a complex story with multiple branches you could take as you made your way through the game. You'd experience different story events or get to play through different stages each playthrough, depending on your choices. There was an infinite number of ways to play through this game.

Outside of that one weekend back in 1996, I have not returned to Guardian Heroes. So that means it has been about 27 years since my last time through it. Wow.

Would I find that the game is just as fun and addicting now as it was when I was a kid? I'm SO ready to jump in and find out!

Story:

I don't remember much about the game's storyline from when I had originally played it, aside from the fact that I liked it. Playing through it in the present day, I thought it was alright, but nothing groundbreaking. Keep in mind that I did not have the instruction manual nearby - and the game doesn't do a good job explaining things in the beginning. So forgive me if I get a few details wrong.

The game focuses around a ragtag group of warriors known as the Guardian Heroes. One of the Heroes discovers an ancient and powerful sword that summons a giant, gold-metal plated warrior that joins the Heroes in combat and has to follow all their orders. Kind of like the Terminator in T2: Judgment Day. The evil Imperial forces attack the Heroes, but their new and powerful friend the golem helps drive them away.

Shortly after, the group is confronted by a wizard who explains that long ago, there was a battle between the sky and earth spirits. Humans sided with the sky spirits to defeat the earth spirits. Now this wizard wants to use the sword and the golem to battle the sky spirits and defeat them, leaving humanity as the only race of beings on the planet. You end up battling and defeating this wizard, and then taking the battle to the sky as you look to defeat the sky spirits as well. At least, I think that is what was going on. Not gonna lie - the story starts out promising but quickly devolves into Kingdom Hearts-ish nonsense the rest of the way.

Now, I've already mentioned how the game features multiple branching paths. This plays a big roll in the way the story unfolds. Each new game starts out the same, but after you flee to the cemetery you are faced with some choices. I don't remember exactly what they are, but they are something like: take refuge in a nearby village, attack the enemy forces, or flee. Depending on which choice you take, the game takes you to a different stage. After you beat that stage, you are then presented with a list of choices to make. The choice you make here takes you to another different stage. So on and so forth. So you can play through this game multiple times and take a different path each time, and get a vastly different experience from your last attempt. I think that is quite awesome.

For this review, I attempted to play through the game four times, and I was only able to beat it three times. Three of my four playthroughs took me down a similar story path against the sky spirits. The fourth, however, barely even delved into the spiritual side of things - and was more based around fighting bad human characters. From what I have heard, there are five different endings. I think I saw just two of them. This just shows you the level of depth and replayability there is to be found here.

Gameplay:

Before you start playing this game, I would highly advise you look up a move list for each character online. This isn't like Final Fight or Streets of Rage where you just have an attack and a jump button. This game has a fairly complex battle system that will swallow you up if you aren't prepared coming in. The first two times I played this in the present day, I came into without even realizing there was a move list out there. I kept getting my butt handed to me. Playing sessions devolved into mindless button mashing. Using save states, I was able to beat the game with Han (the big blonde guy). After this, I decided to play without save states and picked the guy in the green outfit (Ginjirou). I could barely make it through three or four stages, I kept dying so much. Eventually I ran out of lives and continues. It was a frustrating, button mashing affair. I said to myself: man, this game is not as good as I remember. And I set the game aside and didn't return to it for several months. With how excited I'd been to play this game, my initial impression of it was of extreme disappointment.

I finally came back to the game a couple days ago and decided to finish it off once and for all. I looked online to see what it was I'd been doing wrong on my previous attempts, when I saw that each character had a unique list of special moves that I didn't know about before. With a full list of moves on-hand, I played through the game with Nicole, who is a mage character. Learned how to use all her spells, and most importantly how to heal. I made it through the entire game with still three or four lives left to spare. My Serena attempt wasn't nearly as successful. I died a bunch of times in the first few levels and had to resort to using save states to ensure I made my way through the rest of the game. So there is definitely a difficulty difference between the characters that you choose.

Combat is definitely unique as far as beat em ups are concerned, but I can't say that it was put together very well. Your standard attacks do almost nothing to your enemies. Even stringing together big combos while never letting the foot off the gas, it takes seemingly forever to kill even the most basic enemy. Kick em, punch em, knock them into the air, do a spinning jump kick move that strings together four or five hits in a row as they are juggled in the air, and then slam down on top of them as they fall to the ground. That sequence takes like 30 hit points off of their 600 hit point gauge. It just feels really futile at times. And there is often so much going on onscreen that gameplay devolves into hectic, wild button mashing. So many times I was like "what is going on?!!!" as I played this.

Learning when to use your magic is essential to mastering this game. But even your magic doesn't seem like it does as much damage it should. Oftentimes I found myself just running away from the enemies and letting the golem take care of them. That is not optimal game design. Great beat em ups have you laying waste to your enemy, to the point where you feel like the ultimate badass. Never in this game did I even come close to feeling like a badass. I don't mind that there is a strategy element to this, but when I'm in battle with an enemy and it feels like I'm contributing nothing to the fight (as the computer AI controlled character does most of the dirty work), it just does not feel like great design.

Enemies love to swarm you on all sides, and string together giant combos that drain nearly your entire freaking life gauge. Seriously, enemy AI is very cheap in this game. Luckily, you can block their attacks and jump away to a different plane to get away from them. In this game, rather than having free roam as you make your way through the levels, there are three different planes you can hop back and forth between: the low plane near the front of the screen, the middle plane, and the far plane in the very back. Jumping back and forth between these planes is something you'll learn to strategically do in battle.

I feel as if this game would have been so, so much better if it had a better combat system. I like the magic, I like the fact that you level up, I like how you can use skill points at the end of each stage. But the combat itself. Why couldn't it have been more like something such as Golden Axe or Streets of Rage? It would have been so much more enjoyable.  

Graphics:

There are two ways to look at this game's graphics. The first way is to look at them with disdain. Why are the characters so pixelated? These animations are terrible. Look how ugly the characters are. There's too much going on onscreen!

And then there is the second way: Look at that artwork! I love how these characters are brought to life. This game is so unique.

I think I fall somewhere in the middle. I thought the game looked amazing as a kid, but as an adult I definitely see a lot of its faults. When I first returned to the game, I thought it looked hideous. The more I played it, though, the more it began to grow on me. Honestly, I lean more towards the ugly side, however. 

Sound:

This game has a good soundtrack. It is upbeat and jazzy at times. The music that plays during the story sequences is pretty memorable. I'm humming along with one of those songs right now. I don't think it is the greatest video game soundtrack ever made, but it is certainly unique. Like the game's graphics and its gameplay. Unique, unique. 

Overall:

I wanted to like this game more than I actually did. I had such fond memories of this when I was a kid. That one weekend I rented this from Blockbuster Video was such an epic weekend. The problem is that I didn't find the gameplay to be any fun. The story was interesting. I like the branching paths. I like all the decisions you can make. I like how you gain experience and level up your character. Everything seems like it is in place to make this one of the best beat em ups ever. Except for the gameplay, the most important thing! If the game is not fun to play, none of that other stuff matters. And unfortunately, the game just isn't that fun to play.

I came away from it very unimpressed. I only attempted to beat the game with four of the five main characters. I had absolutely zero desire to play the game with that last character (Randy). If only the gameplay had been better. Give Guardian Heroes the same fundamentals as something like, say, Turtles in Time - and you have an all-time classic on your hands. Instead, the game is mediocre at best. And my review score is going to reflect that. I could have gone even lower with my final grade, but I think a C perfectly reflects my completely middle-of-the-road opinion on this game. It is the definition of average.

THE GRADE:

C

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Video Game Review #477: True Lies

True Lies

Sega Genesis

Nostalgia Factor:

I remember renting this game when I was a kid, not really expecting a whole lot out of it. From the second I fired up the game, it proved me wrong. I started walking around the gala party in stage one - and no one would attack me or come after me unless I fired my weapon at them. Having NPCs walk around oblivious of your character is something that's normal nowadays, but back in the early 90s this was almost unheard of. In games back then, unless it was an RPG, if you encountered another character you were getting attacked immediately. 

It may not seem like much, but this small little touch stuck with me for a very long time. Whenever I'd think back on True Lies, my mind would immediately go to that first stage of the game. I played the entire game and completed it (and loved it!), but it was that first stage that stayed with me over the years.

I haven't played this game since that one weekend back in 1995. 28 years have passed. Would I still like the game or would I find that it had aged poorly? Let's find out, shall we?

Story:

This game follows the same basic plot of the movie, with many liberties taken. You play as special agent Harry Tasker as he combats a terror group led by Salim Abu Aziz. The stages follow the scenes you see in the movie. There's the aforementioned gala party stage (after which Harry is chased down a snowy hill by armed skiers), a stage that takes place in a mall, one that takes place in a park, etc. There are a few added stages that I don't seem to remember from the movie, such as a subway stage, an oil refinery, and a stage that takes place in China.

Not that the story really matters in this game. You run around and you shoot enemies and you blow stuff up. Everything else is secondary.

Gameplay:

This is a shooter that takes place from an overhead perspective. Unlike the overhead stages that you see in games like Demolition Man or Contra III, the action in True Lies is much, much smoother. It's not as frantic and fast paced. Enemies do not respawn, so you can slowly make your way through each level, picking them off one by one. A surefire way to lose is to panic and frantically run into an area that's swarming with enemies. You'll be surrounded on all sides and your health will be drained before you know it.

The stages in this game are very maze-like. You can backtrack, take alternate paths, and find secret areas. This isn't like Ikari Warriors or Guerilla War where you are just moving up on the screen. You have full control of your movement. The only comparison that really comes to mind is Die Hard for the Turbo-Grafx 16. But that is still not quite right.

Aside from the d-pad, you only use a small handful of buttons: the fire button, the strafe button, the dive button, and two buttons that allow you to cycle through your weapons forward and backwards. Gameplay is fairly simple. You see a bad guy, you shoot him. Well, aside from the first few stages anyway. They are populated with civilians, and if too many of them die you fail your mission. But for the most part this is a very straightforward shooter.

The game takes a while to get used to. As I was playing through this, I kept telling myself that I don't remember this game being so difficult. I was taking a lot of damage and losing a lot of lives. I was having a difficult time lining up my shots as well. It wasn't until stage five, when I started to learn how to master the strafe button, that the game clicked in my mind and I started to really have a good time. There's definitely some strategy that you have to use as you play. Keep firing ahead of you, take on enemies one at a time (if you can), and always, ALWAYS be ready for a surprise. Bullets and enemies seem to pop up off the edge of the screen out of nowhere when you are not expecting it. Strafing helps you immensely if you are struggling to line up your shot, as well.

These levels are huge, almost to the point where it is a fault. The game does not move along quickly. Some of these stages take more than an hour to complete. They are SO big. It is easy to lose track of where you are or where you are supposed to go. I had a miserable time playing through the subway tunnel level because I was having such a hard time navigating it. Luckily, I didn't have this problem with the rest of the stages. The dock stage and the China stage were two standouts for me in how the exploration is handled.  

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the stage where you fly a fighter jet. I know a lot of people seem to love this stage. I thought it was okay. It's almost impossible to avoid enemy fire, and I found myself dying over and over again. I had built up a pretty large inventory of extra lives, but this stage whittled them down to just two going into the final level. I was tempted to just reload the save state I made at the start of the level, but I decided I wasn't going to play the game that way.

All in all, the gameplay is a lot of fun! If you're into overhead shooters, you would probably like this. This is not my favorite genre of game, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit.

Graphics:

This is not a spectacular looking game, but it still looks pretty good, especially considering it came out in 1995. The stage design is the best thing about the graphics. That first stage where you are walking around at a party looks really good. Bookshelves, picture windows, dinner tables, grand pianos, some nice rugs and floor mats. I love the mall, too, and all the creative names they have for the stores you walk by. I enjoy the aesthetic design of the park, as well. All the levels look good, really.

Kudos to the enemy design. There is nothing special about the green and blue basic enemies you fight, but you do encounter a nice variety of foes along the way. The only thing that really looks bad is Harry himself. He is oddly proportioned and kind of grainy looking. He also swings his arm in a bizarre manner as he walks around. 

Sound:

The music and sound effects are nothing special. The first thing you'll hear when you turn the game on is its cheesy intro music. It sounds like a watered down version of something you'd hear in Vectorman. Get used to hearing this song, as it is used off and on throughout the game. It is very generic, along with pretty much all the other music in the game. One of the game's stages doesn't even have music. Good effort, guys.

The sound effects are equally forgettable, although they fit the tone of the game much better than its music does.

Overall:

I was surprised by how much I liked this game back when I first played it as a kid, and I'm just as surprised at how well it has held up nearly 30 years later. The large stages are fun to explore, and the challenge level of the game is just right. I always wanted to keep playing and keep pushing my way through this game. It is addicting and fun, and much better than the usual movie licensed crap you used to see all the time back in the 90s. 

Is it a perfect game? Not at all. You could make a case that the levels are too long, the shooting mechanics could use some work, the difficulty is a bit on the stiff side, and the music leaves a lot to be desired. These are all valid points, but I still think this game has it where it counts: the fun factor.

Check this game out if you're a fan of the genre and you have the means to play it. It won't be for everyone, but if you stick with it, you will hopefully find it to be a relatively fun and rewarding experience like I did.

THE GRADE:

B

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Video Game Review #476: Battletoads

Battletoads

Nintendo Entertainment System

Nostalgia Factor:

I've been aware of Battletoads and its legendary difficulty for a very, very long time. Even though this game has been out for over 30 years now, I had never played it. Didn't have it when I was a kid, didn't rent it, didn't know anyone else who had it. It's one of those games that just escaped my attention for one reason or another.

Loyal readers will know I've been keeping track of all the games I've ever played. I found myself nearing 1000 total games, and yet Battletoads was not on the list. I knew I had to play it before I reached 1000, since I plan to do a special ranking when I reach 1000 games. Such an iconic, talked about game just had to be on there!

So I finally caved in and played it. Would rumors of this game's ridiculous difficulty level be true, or would I find that they were over-sensationalized, like Contra, Ninja Gaiden, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and other games that I don't find too overly difficult? I think my review will speak for itself. Keep reading for my full thoughts.

Story:

This game was a blatant attempt to cash in on the Ninja Turtles craze of the late 80s and early 90s. There are three members of the Battletoads gang: Rash, Zitz, and Pimple. Three cool dudes with really gross names. You play as either Rash or Zitz as they attempt to defeat the evil queen, who has kidnapped Pimple and Princess Angelica.

There is not much to the game's story. Pretty much a straightforward seek and rescue mission. The game does attempt to keep you interested with a few small cutscenes in between stages. So the effort is there. Just don't expect anything earth shattering.

Gameplay:

I have always heard this game described as a beat 'em up, but that couldn't be any further from the truth. Sure, there are some beat 'em up mechanics involved, but the game is much more of an action-platformer than anything.

Basic gameplay for Battletoads consists of navigating your toad to the end of each stage, where you will often square off against a final boss. The first stage is pretty straightforward, and probably the most beat 'em uppy of them all. Controls consists of an attack button and a jump button. Each stage afterwards introduces some kind of new gameplay mechanic. Swinging from ropes, riding a bike, platform jumping, etc. I'll dive into a few more examples later on in the review.

Things start off innocuously enough. The first few stages are actually quite easy. Just enough to trap you into thinking you actually have a chance, here. The difficulty does not ramp up until the third stage: the infamous Turbo Tunnel speeder bike stage. I came into this stage excited to play it. I've heard so much about it over the years. And yes, it is hard. I wouldn't say it is unwinnable though. The rest of the game, which most people probably haven't experienced because they can't make it through this stage, is infinitely more difficult.

The platforming action in Battletoads is brutal and unforgiving. The toads have momentum when they move, which makes timing and landing your jumps more difficult than it needs to be. Enemies can kill you in one hit. Falling into a bottomless pit instantly costs you a life. One of the worst things about this game is that you only have a set number of lives and continues. If you had infinite continues, or even a password system, maybe the difficulty would not be too extreme. But when you run out of lives and have to start the entire game over each time, that's a pain in the butt. This is a long game! I shamelessly used save states to make my way through this game. If I was 11 years old and just got Battletoads for Christmas, I would have played the heck out of this game and maybe would have been able to beat it legitimately. Maybe. But I doubt it. There are some stages that suck up all your lives SO fast, I don't know how anyone could ever be good enough to beat this whole thing in one go.

Imagine laboring through this game all day for seven hours, getting to the Clinger Winger stage for the first time, and then promptly losing all your lives within five minutes and having to start the whole game over again from the beginning. No.

I like to consider myself a good gamer, but this game is ridiculous. So much relies on memorization and trial and error. Things pop up and kill you with no warning whatsoever. No one can beat any of these later stages on just one life their first time through them. No one. There is a level that involves jumping from dragon to dragon as they race across the screen at high speed. If you fall: you die. There are obstacles like spiked balls littered all over the place that will instantly kill you if you touch them. The dragons move so fast, and have such unpredictable patterns, that you basically have to memorize their movements and the location of all the obstacles in the environment if you want to have any chance to make it through this stage. How can you do that when it is your first time through, if you have never seen anything before? You can't. And to "get good" at the stage requires trial and error and many attempts. Something you aren't afforded when you have a finite number of lives and continues. It is just a freaking mess.

Don't even get me started on stage 11: Clinger Winger. This stage had me wanting to rip my hair out. Even cheating and using save states every ten seconds, I still had a heck of a time making it through this level. You race along on a track, being chased by a giant glowing ball. If it catches up to you and touches you: you die and have to start the whole stage over again. This is not a short chase sequence. It is something like 5 minutes long. If you make one mistake, ONE mistake, you are a goner. This stage is freaking impossible. Like I said, even using save states and ensuring I had a perfect run going, I still found myself in situations where I could not escape that glowing ball chasing after me. I can't even imagine making it through this level legitimately. Kudos to anyone who can. You are a better gamer than me.

The entire game is an exercise in frustration. There is not an easy stage after stage two. Most players out there never got to experience the rest of the game because they can't make it through the speeder bike section. If they did, they'd realize how futile an experience the rest of the game is. It fucking sucks. I had to force myself to get through this so I could say I was able to complete the game. I'll own up and say I never would have been able to beat the game without cheating. And I am okay with that. I do not have the patience to pump months and months into this game - which is probably what it takes to be able to beat it. Life is too short for that.

Is this the hardest game I've ever played? It might be. It's certainly harder than Ghosts 'n Goblins, Kid Icarus, and several other titles I struggled with. Contra is a complete walk in the park compared to this. 

Graphics:

This looks okay for an NES game. The characters are unimpressive. The toads and their enemies are very small and bland looking. I like some of their animations, like the surprised look they get sometimes, and the big uppercut punch. But there really is not too much here that will wow you.

Where the game excels is in the backgrounds and stage design. There are a lot of interesting colors and dynamic looking levels. One area that impressed me was the big spinning top stage, that moves left or right depending on which way you are running. The ice and the fire stages look nice. I am also appreciative of the cutscenes between stages. Am I weird for thinking the evil queen is kind of hot?

Sound:

The game does have some solid music. I can't lie about that. The stage music itself is nothing I think I'll remember in the long run, but the pause music is super cool. Definitely has that "edgy" rockin' feel to it that the game designers were probably going for. 

Overall:

I really wanted to like this game. There are trappings of a very good game to be found here, buried underneath the insane difficulty. It's just a shame 95% of players never actually get to see that good game. It took an emulator and save scumming for me to be able to beat Battletoads. Like I said, I can't imagine how anyone could actually beat this without doing what I did. I mean, I am sure there are people out there who can. But the dedication, practice, memorization, and just plain luck it must take to do so must be very, very intensive.

I didn't have a good time with Battletoads. It took three nights and a LOT of patience for me to be able to make it through the game. And that's with cheating! Every time I'd fire it up, I'd sigh deeply and say "here we go again." Such a major chore to play this game. Shouldn't games be fun? This is not fun at all.

 

Can I recommend Battletoads to you, the reader? It depends. From a pure historic standpoint, I say sure. It's worth a look, so you can at least say that you played it in your lifetime. If you don't care about that kind of thing, then I can't give this a recommend. 

I think I'm being generous with my final score, considering what a miserable time I had with the game. But I can't say this is a complete failure - and in fact this could have been quite good if only it was a little bit more accessible. If, if, if.

THE GRADE:

D+

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