My friend Aaron

I hate that I have to write this.

A few weeks ago, I found out that my good friend Aaron died back in March of this year. Aaron has been one of my best friends through life going all the way back to the fourth grade. As someone with very few friends, much less life-long friends, this news has been particularly hard for me to process.

I first met Aaron back in 1991. I was nine years old. It was the first day of the school year. I was hanging around outside of  school, waiting for the doors to be unlocked so all of us kids could be let in. There was a new kid in the lineup, someone I didn't recognize from the previous school year.

Aaron and I started talking, and I immediately liked him. I was relatively new to this school, having joined it in the third grade after our family had moved into the neighborhood. This was my second year there. I had been known as the weirdo in school, and although I would say I had friends, none of them associated with me outside of school hours.

Aaron and I quickly became friends, hanging out during recess and goofing around in class. It took Aaron a little bit of time to work his way into the good graces of our classmates, however. I was still the definitive weirdo of the class, but Aaron was pretty low on the totem as well. That first year, it seemed like his entire wardrobe consisted of those Rude Dog shirts that were so popular back in the 90s. He had warts all over his hands and up his arms. But perhaps the most unforgivable thing about him was how he wore a fanny pack everywhere he went, 24/7.

I hate to say this but there might have been something else going on as well. We went to a religious school, and Aaron and I both had parents that were divorced. Our family wasn't big on "school board" type things or staying involved in the church. Our families drove crappy, rusted cars that you could hear coming from blocks away. Some of our family members had mullets. We didn't come from a lot of money. It seems silly in retrospect, but stuff like that mattered back in grade school.

It took a while, but Aaron did pass me on the "cool" meter - not that I had set the bar very high. He played a lot of sports. He made friends. He became interested in girls much more quickly than anyone in our class. But as cool and as popular as Aaron became, he always had time for his good pal Dan.

Our main activity was riding bikes and exploring the neighborhood. There was a guy in our neighborhood, and I want to say this politely, who was mentally handicapped. His name was Jeff Strelow. Aaron and I always would ride past his house to see if we could spot him. One day Jeff had a bad fire at his house, and they had to knock a hole in his roof to help put it out. I remember coming by the next day with Aaron, and we both picked up pieces of rubble and brought them home as souvenirs. A piece of Jeff Strelow's house. What a prize.

Sometimes Aaron would come to my house and play with toys and video games. Sometimes I'd go to his. I always remember a game we'd like to play at his house was where one of us would tie up the other one, and then hide in the house and set a timer. Whoever could get out of their bonds faster and find the other kid would win the game. I've never been a great knot tier, so Aaron always won at this game. Aaron had a Super Nintendo, but he rarely wanted to play when we were at his house. At my house, however, we were always gaming.

We were good kids. We stayed out of trouble. We had fun. We were harmless. Aaron in particular was a better person than I was. I remember one time we went to the corner store to buy some snacks, and a kid who was walking out dropped a five dollar bill. I ran up to go grab the money and pocket it, while Aaron was like "hey, you dropped a five dollar bill." I was so mad at him for that. The only time he ever did anything bad was one random Halloween where he wanted to go around the neighborhood smashing everyone's pumpkins. 

He enjoyed the holidays, especially Independence Day. I remember spending a random July 4th at his house, and coming home with a big red, white, and blue hat - and balloons and decorations. The whole nine yards. Later on in life when we reconnected, we went to July 4th fireworks at the lake front. Aaron was decked out in a paper top hat hat and big obnoxious sunglasses, and red, white, and blue clothes. Immediately I thought back to when we were kids and how he liked to dress up for July 4th even back then.

I liked Aaron's parents and his family. I always had to mess with them when they'd pick him up after school, by chasing after their car and screaming at them to come back. It became an after school tradition. One time they slammed on the brakes as I was running after them and I ran straight into the back of the car with an audible thud and collapsed to the ground. Aaron never let me live that down, even as adults. I never told him this because he thought it was such a funny moment, but I totally faked it to be dramatic.

We had such fun as kids. Riding bikes, playing games, goofing off, and just enjoying life. When we graduated from grade school in 1996, we each went our own ways to separate high schools. I lost touch with Aaron for years and years. It wasn't until about 2003 or 2004 when we reconnected. I was working at a gas station late at night when this dude-bro comes in looking to buy a pack of Newport 100s. We didn't have any in the sliding holder above the register, so I walked behind the display case to grab a new carton. When I came back around the corner, ripping open the carton as I walked, I looked up and made contact with the dude-bro.

Why did he look so familiar? Before I could start searching my mental database, the guy said "Dan?" He knew me. Who the heck was.... oh my god! It was my old friend Aaron. We immediately started talking and catching up on old times. I remember him telling me he only recognized me by the way I walked, which is such an Aaron observation. This was before the society-wide prevalence of social media and the internet, so we exchanged phone numbers and promised to hang out.

Later that week, he came to visit me at my mom's house, where I was temporarily living after a bad break up. He brought along with him his cousin Ben, who I recognized as a regular customer at the gas station. We smoked a doobie in my mom's basement, caught up on old times, and promised to hang out on a regular basis.

Aaron called me later on in the week to ask me to come out to a party he was attending. I remember him making a disparaging comment about how there wouldn't be any "fat chicks" at this party, and it immediately turned me away from him. I had been dating a girl who you'd describe as a "fat chick". I immediately had second thoughts about whether I could bring her around Aaron, and vice versa. Was he going to be mean to her or say bad things behind her back? I really cared for this girl, and I didn't want to risk it. I stopped answering Aaron's calls, and never bothered to call him back. Eventually he gave up and stopped trying. Once again we lost touch for several years.

Fast forward to 2015 or 2016. It was the age of social media. I was looking up people that I once knew, and Aaron's name popped into my head. I searched for his name and, wouldn't you know it - there he was. I sent him an innocent friend request.

I didn't hear back for weeks. I just assumed he had either denied my request - or he didn't use Facebook very frequently. Turns out it was the latter. Aaron wrote me back, wanting to hang out. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He called me back immediately wanting to set something up where we could go to the bar or go out to party and catch up on old times. It was a bit of a culture shock for me. At this point in my life I was very introverted. I didn't have friends, much less guy friends. I didn't go out to bars or do things like that. But I just couldn't pass on the chance to meet up with an old friend. And he was very persistent.

As soon as I saw Aaron I was immediately taken aback by his appearance. You know how Two-Face from Batman has one normal side of his face, and then right down the middle the other half is burned? Aaron had kind of a Two-Face thing going on, but with his hair. If you looked at his profile from the left, he looked like a clean shaven guy with short hair. If you looked at his profile from the other side, you'd see a mustache, facial hair, and hair on his head that had been growing out for at least a few weeks. If you looked at him straight on, well, it was very confusing. Two-Face, but with hair instead of burns, is really the only comparison I can make here. I was also a little taken back by his demeanor. Aaron was a lot harder edged than I had remembered. Kind of had a swagger to him that had not been present when we were kids. I was little on edge that first time we hung out, like he was going to fight me or something. But I got over that feeling pretty quickly.

At the time he was living in his grandmother's condo and helping her take care of things around the house. This condo had a recreation area with music, darts, a pool table, a bar - all that fun stuff. I remember hanging out down there with him, playing pool and shooting the shit. We'd step into the adjacent parking garage every once in a while to pass a doobie back and forth. A friend at the condo unit had let Aaron use their bicycle. It was an old-fashioned bicycle with a side car. I remember riding around in the parking garage in this thing, both as the passenger and the rider, up and down the ramps and around the big curves. I was buzzed and feeling good and shouting at the top of my lungs, and so was Aaron. It was like we were kids again.

Off and on Aaron and I would hang out for several years. We'd either go out for a night on the town, or we'd stay in and just shoot the shiznit. Wherever the night took us, I was always happy with it. I remember having a heartfelt conversation one time where he told me that I was the closest thing he had to a best friend, and I remember being very touched. Like I said, I didn't have a lot of friends back then. Certainly not anyone I would consider a best friend. It meant a lot to me.

Our friendship level upped itself. Aaron and I hung out several times a month now. It felt like every single weekend for almost a year on end. Again, if you know me and my history with hanging out with friends, this was a remarkable accomplishment.

Aaron was always looking for that special someone when we'd go out. I've never met someone more girl crazy than him. Look at her over there. How about that one? How about her? He was always asking my opinion. He had lots of wild and crazy stories to tell me about some of his "conquests." But you know what? Every time I hung out with him, he was single. Every time we went out, he came home alone. I think he liked to talk a big game, and maybe there was some truth behind his wild stories. But maybe they were embellished a bit too.

One thing about him was that he kept me honest. When we went out to the bar, he was always right there to keep me out of trouble. If a woman so much as even talked to me, he'd be right there to interject with a question about how my wife was doing, or if we were having any luck getting pregnant. It was kind of sweet how protective he was. I think a little bit of it was jealousy - because he always claimed to be this great ladies man, yet he struck out 100% of the time when I was with him. But it was still sweet.

Whenever Aaron did have a girlfriend, we wouldn't see each other for a few months. You know how it is with young love. I remember him having two long-ish relationships with a girl named Nissa and another one named Shawnee. I probably butchered those spellings. But I never met either one of them.

As soon as he broke up with them, however, we'd be back in action - hanging out and going out to party. I was kind of like his wing man, not that it did him any good when he was with me.

Some Aaron memories I'll treasure forever: going to a Brewers game spur of the moment with my wife and her cousin Holly. Aaron wore Heelys and the sight of him zipping around the Miller Park walkways with these things on made all of us laugh. There was the time when we went swimming and he cannonballed into the pool, and splashed a couple of people sitting nearby. He got their phones all wet. I thought for sure a fight was about to break out. I remember when we went out for my birthday, and his friend drove up on the curb on the way home and drove all the home from 20th and Capitol to Highway 100 on a flat, sparking tire. I remember when Aaron had a crummy birthday weekend and decided the next week to throw himself a giant poolside barbecue. He had me cooking and setting up furniture and doing work for him. I was like dang dude I didn't come here to work! But it ended up being a great time. One time I went to go pick Aaron up, and he was doing yardwork for a 90 year old lady in the neighborhood. That's just the kind of guy he was. He was always helping other people. He charged money because he didn't believe in "actual jobs". He was a hustling kind of guy. But he still liked to help.

And I remember riding bikes in the parking garage. Like I said, I'll never forget that.

But you could never talk about Aaron without mentioning the alcohol. He was always drunk. At first I didn't think much of it. He's just a fun party guy. He'll grow out of it eventually. But the more we hung out, the more concerned I became. He would chug hard alcohol straight out of the bottle. It seemed like he had no limit. The drinking was constant. He never did not have a drink in hand.

One time I came over to visit after a few months of not hanging out. I think it was when he had one of his two girlfriends I mentioned earlier. He had this look in his eye. I remember him telling me that I should be glad I was coming to hang out with him, because it might be the last time I got to see him. Of course, I asked him what he meant. He told me that his drinking had gotten so bad, he'd started to experience seizures and blackouts. He'd thought he was going to die at several points in the last few weeks.

It wasn't long after this that Aaron checked himself into AA. This was great for him because it was something he needed to do. He couldn't keep going down the path he was on. But at the same time, it was terrible for our friendship. 90% of our friendship revolved around drinking and going out. What were we going to do now?

He went through a phase where he liked to be called Acorn.

The answer: not much. From the time Aaron checked himself into AA and the time he died, we hung out twice. Twice. The first of those two times was an awesome day. We went to Brady Street Fest and walked around and checked stuff out. We ate food from street vendors. We rented Lime scooters and drove them through the neighborhood, mainly going up and down Farwell and Prospect.

Our travels took us to the Landmark, where we went downstairs and shot some pool. Aaron did not touch any alcohol. We came upstairs and saw that Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was playing at the Oriental. We both wanted to see it, so we got tickets for it. While we were waiting for it to start, we went across the street and smoked a doobie at the bus stop. Then we went in and saw that long ass 9 hour movie. Okay, I know it wasn't that long. But it felt like it.

Overall it was a really good day. I told my wife afterward that it was like a bro date. I wouldn't see Aaron again for a few more months, when we went to go see the movie Joker together. We didn't like that one either. After the movie ended, I remember telling Aaron that my wife was pregnant. He sat up straight in his seat. What? No way! 

Aaron had always been supportive of my wife and I trying to have a baby. You could tell he was excited for us. But in the back of my mind I kept thinking how Aaron had made a comment once that whenever one of his friends had a baby, they always disappeared from his life. I promised Aaron that wouldn't happen.

I dropped Aaron off at home after the movie. I could tell Aaron was disappointed because it was still relatively early, and he obviously wanted to hang out more. But I was tired. I told Aaron we'd hang out again soon.

We never hung out again. In fact, we never saw each other again.

2020 hit, and so did the pandemic. Couldn't go out or do anything. We were encouraged to stay at home. Aaron was still in AA. My wife had her baby. Life happened. Aaron started his own company called Abel Aaron, where he did tiles and home interior construction kind of stuff. I moved into a night time position at my job. My entire life began to rotate around work and the baby.

When 2022 came around, it had been nearly three years since I had last seen Aaron. I had some light work around the house that needed to be done, and I remember texting him about it. My wife and I were interested in hiring him, not only for his work but to see him and hang out and catch up on old times.

Aaron seemed interested. He told me to let him know whenever we wanted him to come, and he would. But once again life happened. We got distracted. We ended up doing said things around the house ourselves, while putting off some of these other tasks for a later time. I never ended up texting Aaron back.

About a month ago Aaron once again popped into my head. I remember thinking how I hadn't seen or heard anything from Aaron on Facebook for a while. So I searched for his profile. I pull it up. I start scrolling through his posts. A bad feeling started to form in my gut before I even knew why.

What is the first thing I read on his Facebook wall? "It's been seven months since I last saw you. I'd give anything to bring you back for one more day."

Um, what??? I kept reading. More condolences. More sad messages. I'm not a smart man, but I knew that Aaron had died. I kept reading. The messages went back for several months. All the way back to the beginning of 2022. March, to be exact.

I felt numb. My best friend, probably the closest friend I've ever had in my life. And he'd been dead for seven months, and I didn't even know it. I handed the phone to my wife in stunned disbelief. "Look."

I'm guilty of taking things for granted in life. I always thought Aaron would be there. Yeah, life had taken us our own separate ways for a few years. Aaron to AA, cleaning up his life and starting his own company. Me to starting a family with my wife and new baby. Oh man, my new baby. The one Aaron was so excited for me to have. And he'd never get to meet him.

I can't help but feel like I was robbed out of years and years of further friendship with Aaron. It was not supposed to end like this. We had been friends for 31 years. I thought we'd go for 31 more. As I said way back at the beginning of this long ass post - I don't make friends easily - especially guy friends. I'm shy. I keep to myself. I'm not interested in the same kind of things most people are. But none of that mattered with Aaron. I think we were always such good friends because we were so opposite. We complimented each other. He was the loud abrasive one, and I was the quiet, chill one.

It was a friendship for the ages. Or so I thought. 

There's so much more I could say about Aaron, but I have gone on long enough. When I think of Aaron, I'll think of someone who, aside from my wife, has probably come the closest to knowing the true Dan than anyone else ever has. He knew me when I was a kid. We grew up together. We spent five years together in the same room every day in grade school. We reconnected as adults. We hung out. We had fun. We opened up to one another. We lived.

And for that I'll be forever thankful. Aaron, my polar opposite, plucking me out of my comfort zone and forcing me to get out and live a little bit. I'm a different person for it. and I'm a better person for having had Aaron in my life.

If only it had been longer.

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