Video Game Review: Game of Thrones (Telltale Games)

Game of Thrones

PlayStation 3

I think I have reviewed more games from Telltale than I have any other developer. While there were a few games I didn't like (see Back to the Future or the Wolf Among us) I did really enjoy the Walking Dead series. In fact, the first Walking Dead nabbed one of the few perfect scores ever handed out by me.

Being a huge fan of Game of Thrones (and I mean, a HUGE fan) it was only a matter of time before I got this game. This game came out in installments, and I am one to wait for all the installments to come out for a game like this before making a purchase. I can usually get a pretty good deal. In fact, I think I got this game for 10 bucks. Plus when I do it this way I don't have to wait for a long period of time in between installments for the next one to come out. So it was a win for me.

It just so happens that at the time in my life I got this game, I was reading through the series for the third time. I was on a Storm of Swords. Plus I was watching through the TV show in conjunction with reading the novels. That put me at season 3. This game is set during the time period of a Storm of Swords, so it all worked out perfectly.

Being a big GoT buff, I wasn't sure what to expect from this. Would it be true to the world of the show and the books? Would it take liberties? Would it change things completely? I was ready at a moments notice to dislike this title. Luckily, that moment never came.

The game uses the events of the show as a backdrop to the story of the game. So while people like Cersei and Margaery are in the game, their fates aren't changed by what happens here. So you aren't going to see Cersei beheaded or Margaery banging Jon Snow or anything like that. This is simply a story that runs parallel to the events of season 3 and 4 of the show. The main characters hail from the Forrester family, a small Northern house loyal to the Starks. They are the main producers of Ironwood, the strongest and most durable wood in the Seven Kingdoms

During the Red Wedding, Lord Forrester and his forces are destroyed and Ramsay Bolton rises to power in the North. In the ensuing chaos. the Forrester's rivals, the Whitehills, start to move in on Forrester territory. With the backing of the Boltons, the Whitehills occupy Ironrath, home of the Forresters, where they proceed to terrorize the Forrester family.

I will try not to spoil too much, but this is set in the Song of Ice and Fire universe, so expect a lot of bad things to happen to the Forresters as they struggle to stay afloat against long odds.

Playable characters include Mira Forrester - a handmaiden for Margaery Tyrell in King's Landing who attempts to sway the ruling powers to intervene and help out her family. There is Rodrik Forrester, a son of the late Lord Forrester who is grievously wounded in the battle outside the Twins during the Red Wedding. He returns to Ironrath injured to find his house in shambles and the Whitehills in charge. There is Asher Forrester, an exiled sellsword who has taken up residence in Slaver's Bay. When word reaches him of his family's peril, he tries to get together an army and return to the North to retake his land. The last main character is Garet Tuttle, a squire for the Forresters who is sent to the wall after killing the man who murdered his family.

Over the course of the game, you will fall in love with the Forrester family. They are strong, they have a solid sense of right and wrong. They will do whatever it takes to save their house. You just want their suffering to end, and at any cost. You will encounter many characters from the show during your play through of the game. Jon Snow encounters Garet Tuttle at the Wall. Cersei, Tyrion, and Margaery encounter Mira in King's Landing. Ramsay Bolton pays a visit to Ironrath on a few occasions. To land his sellsword army, Asher has to run missions for Daenerys Targaryen in Slaver's Bay.

As is usually the case with Telltale games, the choices you make play a large role in how the game unfolds for you. I don't know just HOW differently things are if you play through the game twice and make different choices (as of this blog post I have only beaten the game once) but I think that your choices make even bigger waves than in previous Telltale games. For example in my play through (spoilers!!) Mira is beheaded, Rodrik is killed, Asher is grievously wounded, and basically I have lost my battle to save the house. I always like to play as a dick, so perhaps if I were to play through again making wiser choices things would be much better for House Forrester. I don't know. Maybe you are destined to lose. But I don't think this is the case.

Graphically, the game is great. It looks like a graphic novel come to life. Nothing to complain about in the sound department either. All the characters from the show who appear in the game are voiced by their respective actors and actresses, so that is nice. Everything controls... fine. If you have played the Walking Dead you should know what to expect here. You don't really play these kinds of games for the game play. You play for the story. And the story is definitely worth the price of admission.

If I did have to nitpick, I would bring up something that has plagued nearly every Telltale game I have played: glitches. They seem especially prevalent here. So many times this game locked up on me for minutes at a time. It wouldn't freeze completely, but just enough to make me consider hitting the restart button only to have it start working again. This was especially bad in the final battle of the game. Every time the camera would move to a new shot, the game would freeze up, sometimes for as long as three or four minutes. I finished what should have been a 5 minute battle in nearly a half an hour. It was ridiculous. On other occasions, the audio would outpace the action on the screen, or voices would be left out entirely.

Plus - and I don't know if this is because of the paths I took or what - the ending of the game feels a little bit too wide open. Like things haven't been resolved AT ALL. It just stops and leaves you hanging for the inevitable sequel. That kinda pissed me off.

That said, I find it hard to find fault with anything else here. Being a big GoT fanatic, this game was a real treat for me. I love Westeros, and I will eat up anything put out bearing the Game of Thrones title. It's like the books, it is like the show, only it is completely interactive and you can direct which way the story goes. How can you find fault with that?

Not only is it fun and interesting, but it it truly authentic to the GoT universe. The cast is terrific, the stakes are high, and you always feel like something bad could happen at any moment. This game felt like it could actually have been written by George RR Martin himself. In other words - the game is awesome.

Sure it has its flaws and it is definitely not a perfect game. But if you are a big fan of the source material like myself, you should consider this a definite welcome addition to the Game of Thrones universe.

Overall:

A-

Video Game Review: Vandal Hearts

Vandal Hearts

PlayStation

To say that this is a game I had never heard a whole lot of hype about would be an understatement. If I didn't pick up a used copy of this game for dirt cheap (just a couple bucks) at a local Blockbuster when I was a teenager, I would likely have never even heard of Vandal Hearts, much less played it.

But luckily the fates aligned and I was able to avoid that unpleasant destiny. A world where I have never played Vandal Hearts is a world I don't want to live in.

I didn't expect much when I bought this game, but I was hoping for a pleasant surprise. If it sucked... oh well. It was only a few dollars. But as it turns out, the game didn't suck. Not in the least.

I had been a fan of RPGs, but not strategy games. Didn't like Final Fantasy Tactics. Didn't like Command and Conquer. Didn't like almost everything in the genre I had played. The one exception was Shining Force. I thought that game was quite gnarly.

I don't think I knew what type of game Vandal Hearts was when I bought it, otherwise I may have never bothered with it. I thought it was just a regular RPG, but I was wrong. It was a grid based strategy game.

My misgivings quickly went away after firing up this game. This wasn't like anything I had ever played before. This game was, for lack of a better term: bad ass. It was like Shining Force except with better graphics, a better story, and much more in your face action. And oh yeah, blood!

This was the late 90's. I likely played through this game a handful of times before it joined my collection of old games that I didn't bother to play anymore. I would say at least 15 or 16 years have passed in my life before I decided to pick the game up and play it again. I don't know what prompted me to pick up this game again, despite all the bajillion games in my collection, but I am glad I did.

I knew the game was fun. I knew I liked it and would likely have a good time. I remembered this much. But I did not know just exactly how much I would love the game.

Vandal Hearts really is a great title, and it still holds up after all these years.

The story can be a little overwhelming. Don't expect to just skim through it when you are playing. It is very intricate and detailed. Once you get the basic concept and start playing the game, it all becomes much more clear.

I am one who is easily distracted and has a hard time paying attention, but the basic concept is that this is a land that was once ruled with an iron fist by an old government regime. In the years leading up to the game, a rebellion happened and the government was succesfully overthrown. Now the rebels are in charge, but the power has gone to the heads of a corrupt few.

Your character Asher is in charge of protecting the people of this nation, and he sees how corrupt things are getting in the hierarchy above him. He is sent away on a mission to follow a general who defected, and is quickly caught up in a chase for mystical artifacts which, if fallen into the hands of the corrupt officials, can destroy the world.

You meet a ton of characters along the way, each with his or her own interesting backstory. Each character adds something different to your party. You've got archers, white mages, sorcerers, swordsmen, and all the usual fantasy type occupations. Each has their own unique strengths and weaknesses. As you upgrade characters through out the game, they each have different paths you can take them down. For example, you can turn your archers into dragon knights. These characters can't shoot arrows anymore, but they fly and can cover MUCH more ground than the average character. They can even hover over water and other obstacles that normal characters would have to go around. You can turn swordsmen into guardsmen. Guardsmen are big, lumbering, and can take and dish out a lot of damage. But they can't cover a whole lot of territory in one turn. These are just a few examples. Every character in the game has multiple paths you can take them down, each one very different and offering unique strengths and weaknesses to your party..

Combat is grid based. You take turns moving all your characters. Then the computer goes. Then you go. Back and forth it goes. Your main goal for each "stage" is to eradicate all your enemies. Sometimes it is a specific enemy you must destroy. Sometimes you have to protect things. Most of the time there is no time limit, but a few stages you must hurry up and finish in a certain number of turns.

The maps aren't just flat, boring battle maps. You have hills, rivers, bridges, boulders, all kinds of obstacles in the way. Treasure chests and other items are scattered throughout each map. You can either seek these treasures out, putting yourself at risk to enemy attack, or forget about them and focus on the mission at hand.

Like in Shining Force, if your main character dies, you die.

The main reason I loved this game is that the battles are flat out fun. Most of the time when I play RPGs I play for the story line, I could care less about the battle system (see almost every Final Fantasy game I've ever played). Battles are just a necessary evil you must deal with in order to advance the story. This game is the complete opposite. The battles are what drive this game.

They are addicting, they are fun, and no two battles are ever alike. So many times while playing this I would want to stop playing, but I would tell myself "one more battle, one more battle." And then I would end up playing five more. It is so hard to stop!

Graphically, the game looks good. Sure it is probably dated by today's standards, but the characters are big, colorful, detailed, and easy to tell apart. Your party and your enemies are all 2D sprites that are slightly pixelated, but the world itself if 3D. Each battleground you can rotate and adjust the camera according to your liking.

When you kill an enemy, he explodes in a shower of pixelated blood that I must admit is quite satisfying to see. It's hard to explain, but there is nothing like taking down that son of a bitch who killed your archer and seeing him explode in a red fury. It is quite awesome. Of course, the same goes for your characters if an enemy happens to kill one of them (which they will.... many many times). Then it isn't quite so bad ass. But I still like it.

The game shouldn't take too long to beat. I clocked in around 20 hours, but I think I actually played the game far less than that. There is no pause function so a lot of times I had to just leave the game running while I would do something else. This accounted for a lot of the time spent playing this.

Also, the game isn't too difficult. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I died in the game and had to restart a map. And most of those deaths were because I let my main character get too deep into enemy territory - and they ganged up on him. Asher is one of the most powerful characters in the game, so it seemed wrong to hold him back from the fray on so many occasions. I learned to be cautious with him. A lot of times if I wanted to flank an enemy I would have him lead the flank just so the focus of the attack wouldn't be on him. Also, make sure to cast protective shields on him in every battle. And always heal him when you get a chance, even if he still has 75 or 80% of his health left. One big time hit by an enemy and bam - Asher is dead and you have to start the battle over.

The music is nothing great but the battle tunes are catchy (especially when it is the enemy's turn to attack) and the sound effects make the battles seem even more intense than they really are.

Between battles, you are treated to dialogue heavy scenes that advance the story line. Also, you get the opportunity to visit towns and villages to buy equipment, upgrade your characters, and save the game. You don't actually get to control your character and walk around the town, you just get to pick what you want to do from a menu instead. At first I thought this was kind of lame, but you don't really play the game for wandering and exploration. Vandal Hearts' focus is all on the combat and story line.

I think I have said everything there is to say about this game. I would highly recommend it if you have never played it before. It is highly addicting, the story is just good enough to make you care about the characters, and it is a ton of fun. Even if you don't like these kind of strategy games, give it a shot. I didn't think I liked them either, but this ended up turning into one of my favorite games of the original PlayStation era. It is not a perfect game. It could be longer. It could be tougher. It could be more "complete" in terms of character development, making choices, or exploring your environment. But that really isn't what this game is about.

This game is about going into battle, killing people, and having a great time doing it.

Overall:

A-

A Clash of Kings vs Game of Thrones Season 2

I continue my epic journey of reading through the Song of Ice and Fire books for the third time. I'm not only just reading the books, but I am watching the show in tandem with the books as well. Just trying to spot the differences, see if the show is giving us any hints as to what the books are going to do next. I am still relatively early in my journey (I just recently finished A Clash of Kings and season 2 of the show) so I haven't been able to spot much yet.

I thought season one of the show did a pretty good job following the books. Sure they had to cram a LOT of content into a 10 hour show, but I think they did an admirable job. All of the major plot points were covered, nothing too drastic was left out. My only gripe was a small one - that a lot of the actors didn't look age appropriate. Are we really supposed to believe that the guy playing Robb Stark is only, what, 15 or 16? No. But that was really my only issue with the show.

Season two, however, is a completely different story. I am usually not one of those people that harp on a movie or TV show straying from its source material, as long as said movie or TV show is good. This show is good, don't get me wrong, but I feel as if it strayed unneccesarily from the source material for no other reason than simply that it could.

So many times during this season did I feel like screaming at the TV: "That didn't happen!" or "Why did they leave that out?"

Some examples:
On the show, Littlefinger threatens Cersei with the knowledge that he knows of her incestuous relationship with Jaime. Cersei in turns orders her guards to draw their weapons on Petyr, and she threaten him in return.
Jaime kills his cousin Cleos and a Karstark while in captivity in an escape attempt. In the books, Cleos lives and accompanies Jaime and Brienne on the road to King's Landing. It was two Kartarks Jaime killed during the battle of the Whispering Wood, not one in an escape attempt.
Also on the show, it doesn't show Jaime being held in the dungeons at Riverrun. Instead they show him being brought along with Robb's army.
Melisandrei doesn't fuck Stannis in the books (although it is implied later in A Storm of Swords during a conversation she had with Davos that she did).
The stories that Tyrion tells Varys, Littlefinger, and Pycelle are much different on the show than in the books.
The whole Renly is gay plotline is a show only thing.
Arya's terrifying journey with the Night's Watch was greatly skipped over on the show, for the most part.
Arya meeting Tywin Lannister and serving as her cupbearer - didn't happen in the books.
They killed Daenerys's silver on the show - didn't happen in the books.
On the show Jon discovers Craster sacrificing the baby boy to the Others. In the books he knew that this is what was happening but he didn't actually see it, nor did he get attacked by Craster.
Shae comes to Tyrion in the Tower of the Hand as opposed to being squared away in a brothel that Tyrion has to discreetly come to.
The show changed the name of Theon's sister from Asha to Yara.
Robb's whole relationship and marriage is different on the show. He meets Lady Westerling while doing battle in the Crag in the books, and falls in love with her and marries her. On the show he meets a field nurse from Volantis and takes her as his bride.
In the books Davos rows Melissandrei into Storm's End to kill Cortnay Penrose to end the seige at Storm's End. In the show she kills Renly, and Renly alone. In fact, the whole Storm's End seige and the fate of Edric Storm is dropped completely from the show.
Brienne and Jamie don't go on the run until the third book, which would be the third season if the show was trying to follow the book/season format. I don't mind this change though, as Jaime isn't in Clash of Kings much and I am sure the show makers didn't want the casual viewer to forget about him.
The Dragons are never stolen by Pyat Pree in the books, nor is Xaro proven to be penniless.
The show excludes Mira and Jojen Reed. I don't recall seeing Ramsay as Reek either.
Bronn is given a much larger role in the show and put in charge of the City Watch.
The whole House of the Undying scene is completely different in the books. Completely. Dany sees scenes from her past and hints as to her future in the books. On the show, it is just kind of a surreal trip where she has a nice goodbye conversation with Khal Drogo and her unborn baby.
Tyrion's injury is far less grievous on the show than in the books, where he loses most of his nose.
As Joffrey's heir, Tommen is sent away in the books before the battle of King's Landing so if the Lannisters lose, they still have their claim to the throne. On the show, he is carelessly kept in the city.
No Arstan Whitebeard or Strong Belwas are to be seen on the show.

I could go on and on, but those are just the things that come to me off the top of my head. I had a running list in my head as I watched the show, but I never bothered to write them down. I should have! I am sure I am forgetting some major points.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that they changed a lot of things, and for no good reason whatsoever. I think some of the stuff was added to create drama, which is fine. Drama is needed for a TV show like this to succeed. For example, in the books Dany comes to Qarth and they all basically say no to her requests for help. She visits the House of the Undying and wrecks the place with her dragons, and then leaves. That doesn't make for good TV. So I guess it is understandable why they would add a plot about the Qartheen trying to steal her dragons.

But some of the things were stupid and unnecessary. Littlefinger threatening the Queen? He is too sneaky for that, he would never confront her in that manner when he knows what she is capable of. Arya meeting Tywin and befriending him? He would never give a cupbearer a second glance. Margaery offering Renly a threesome with her brother? Could have happened in the books, but if so it was never shown. The whole Renly being gay thing is speculation in the books and was never completely addressed anyway.

The whole order of things is jumbled up too. The book starts off with Maester Cressen attempting to kill Melisandrei but this isn't addressed until towards the end of the first episode. This was a big tone setting scene for the novel, but on the show it seemed kind of out of place. I pity the people who didn't read the books but watched the show. A lot of the dots don't seem to be connected properly if you don't already know what is going on. For example, Jon Snow's story begins on the show with him beyond the wall already ranging and looking for Mance Rayder and the wildlings. In the books they set this up with Sam studying and the Night's Watch prepping for the journey. On the show they just jump right into the ranging with no explanation whatsoever about what is going on, what their mission is, or why they are beyond the wall. In fact, casual fans were probably thinking "who?" when Mance's name was brought up.

I really really tried not to be irritated as I watched the show. They got the very basic gist of the story correct. Theon betraying the Starks, Jon and the Night's Watch going on their expedition, the battle for Blackwater Bay, Arya's journey, Dany leaving Qarth empty handed, etc. It is just that the steps taken to reach these destinations were much different.

I can appreciate them trying to tell the story from different perspectives, maybe trying to spice things up a little bit. I have no problem with that. A straight, no liberties taken retelling of the book just simply wouldn't have been possible with the time constraints put on the show. Plus TV viewers need a little extra added action so they don't get bored.

What I didn't enjoy was the way some characters acted completely out of character, doing things that went against everything they stood for in the books. I didn't like the needless changes or the eye rolling moments where the show just flat out got things wrong.

That being said, I still enjoyed the show, for the most part. I definitely did not enjoy season 2 as much as I did season 1, I can tell you that right up front. I don't feel as if it did the epic book the justice it deserved. Plus, the further I get along in the show, the more I will see how it has strayed from the books. I have seen the show in its entirety (up to season 6) so far, so I know that the gap between show and books is only going to get bigger.

I just have to accept the fact that the show and the books are separate entities, and that I am just going to have to live with it. I am still holding out hope that since the books are so long in between, the coming seasons of the show will provide clues as to what will happen next. Dany meeting Tyrion? Sansa marrying Ramsay? These events have already happened on the show. Will the books go a completely different direction?

We shall have to see.

I can't wait for the Winds of Winter.

VHS Tape #9: FIYAP

This is the ninth VHS tape I've gone through and logged. This must be from 2004 because several references to that year are made here. Such as the Bush/Kerry campaign, the Red Sox winning the World Series, and Lost's debut.

(00:00:00)

World's Craziest Videos
 - Funny fishing clips
 - Bloopers from British TV shows
 - Daredevil tries to drive up a ramp and launch himself onto a roof, but smashes into the side of the building instead

Mad TV
 - Political Idol. Politicians come up on stage and try to impress a panel of judges, like American Idol
 - Family Feud spoof. Lord of the Rings vs Cold Mountain

Three fat guys singing awful country music on MPTV

(15:36)

COPS
 - Mexican guy is pulled over, and there are drugs in his car. He is arrested. Nothing special. The police are very polite and supportive of the guy though. They want to get him some help.
 - Man shoots a thief with his own gun while the thief is breaking into a house

*I didn't edit out commercials here. Sorry. There are many campaign ads*

COPS resumes
 - White guy with a warrant is caught hiding out in a basement
 - After some more commercials, we come to a new COPS clip. In this one, a vehicle leads the police on a long chase. The driver fires shots at the cops through the window. Eventually, he crashes through a fence, and tries to get out and flee on foot. He doesn't make it far.

(48:50)

Beavis and Butthead. This is the episode where the boys want beards, so they cut hair off of their heads and glue it to their faces. Also in this episode, they get sent back in school for being so stupid. Black Hole Sun is one of the videos they watch in this episode.

*A random Maury Povich clip appears in the commercials. Maury talks to two little black girls with cherubism.. They have giant cheeks and jaws. After this clip, the tape finishes the aforementioned Beavis and Butthead episode*


Beavis and Butthead. Career Day episode where they are mall cops for the day. Also in this episode, "Todd" comes in and takes over Beavis and Butthead's house.

(1:30:02)

AFV.
 - Man gets his face pushed into a giant cake
 - Boy leaps over catcher at home plate
 - Guy pulls off gown and reveals Spider Man outfit at graduation
 - Football player pulled down by his underwear
 - Sports players knock over trophies while celebrating and break them
 - Boy tries to jump on a skateboard on a trampoline and it makes the skateboard launch into the air. It breaks a window on his third attempt.
 - Dog attacks a leaf blower
 - Baby makes funny eyes when lights are turned off and on
 - Boy falls head first
 - Kid walks into a sliding glass door
 - Guy smashes his behind while pulling a jet ski onto the back of a truck
 - Little boy pukes on birthday cake
 - Montage of clips about people snoring
 - Dog pulls a little kid around the house by his pant leg
 - Man jumps out of a garbage can and scares people
 - Cat makes funny chattering sounds
 - Woman's chair breaks under her weight
 - Old grandma riding a mini bike wipes out
 - Dude wrecks himself trying to skate down a handrail
 - Man puts butterflies on his neck and laughs because it's ticklish
 - What's that dog looking at?
 - Fire hose accidentally goes off and sprays fire fighters
 - Rooster crowing scares a person in bed
 - Funny wedding clips
 - Man lets a crab latch on to his nipple

(1:41:40)

Ripley's Believe It or Not
 - Sheep given prosthetic legs
 - Woman catches flesh eating bacteria on a camping trip. This is really gross. She has to have many "pieces" amputated.
 - Man removes nails from the wall using his teeth
 - Armor made out of hair
 - Female dentist does her own root canal
 - Fake three foot grasshoppers

Video Game Mods on MTV. This is lame. It's a bunch of video game characters dancing to rap music.

Clip of Hilton Griswold singing

Maury Povich. Fat woman and small man get married. The Rapping Granny catches the bouquet at the wedding. How random.

(1:58:05)

Judge Judy.
 - Woman sues her chauffeur. I don't really know what's going on here because it's only half an episode. It's not that great anyway.
 - Black families sue each other because the son of the defendant stole the plaintiff's phone and gave it to his girlfriend, who ran up the bill.
 - DJ sues man whose equipment is broken in a fight at his wedding

Beavis and Butthead. Vending machine steals the boys' money. Butthead panhandles money, and spends it all on nachos for himself, which he does not share with Beavis.

(2:32:35)

Judge Judy
 - Woman sues her ex and ends up storming out of the court room. I always think it's hilarious when people storm out on judge TV shows

*in the commercials, there is a clip from Inside Edition when Ashlee Simpson was caught lip synching*

Judge Judy (cont)
 - Albino black girl sues a former friend for keying her car and for handing out fliers degrading her.

Johnny Damon is interviewed on Dave Letterman after the Red Sox rally from a 3-0 deficit to beat the Yankees in the ALDS, and then win the World Series.

(3:08:06)

Outrageous Behavior
 - New Zealand man tries to catapult a woman into the next yard over and fails miserably
 - A young couple getting married digs around in a pile of manure for the ring
 - Speeding truck wipes out as it goes over a bumpy hill
 - Man wakes up mom by playing his guitar loudly and shouting at her bedside
 - Dude holds world record for kicking himself in the head
 - Land diving
 - Man crashes his dirtbike in an arena and it keeps going without him
 - Man pretends to fall off a bridge while getting his picture taken
 - English streakers arrested on a college campus
 - Bike racer flips out and cusses up a storm when his bike breaks down in the middle of a race
 - Number holding girl at a boxing match messes up repeatedly
 - Car pulls a couch on a skateboard behind it. With people on it.
 - Man blows up, with explosives, fruit that is placed on his head

World's Craziest Videos
 - News reporter mishaps
 - Extreme sporting mishaps
 - British cooking show mishaps
 - Funny foreign neutering commercial
 - Clips of people trying to show off, and getting owned
 - Funny sibling clips. In one of them, a boy picks his nose and puts it on his baby brother
 - What's Gonna Happen Next?
 - Dancing snowmen look like they're having sex

Rod Stewart interviewed on "Entertainers" with Byron Allen

(3:53:07)

The Thrills perform on Jay Leno

COPS
 - This clip begins in the middle of a segment. A Mexican gang member is getting arrested for drug possession and also he had a fake gun. Nothing too special.
 - This one takes place in Maui. A cop is flagged down while making a traffic stop. He runs over to where a fight is taking place. A gay man with HIV is trying to hit this weird bald dude with a shovel. Win.
 - Crazy feminine drug addict who is hiding in a building runs out of the window and screams
 - Assault call. Cops arrest a man who beat up a pregnant woman.
 - Police confront homeless paint huffing man. I love these guys!
 - Man accidentally shoots best friend in the head
 - Man in a car gets tazered but keeps on driving. He leads the cops on a long chase before he bails out of the vehicle and gets taken down

Outrageous Game Show Moments
 - Old Wheel of Fortune host falls down while making his entrance
 - Other host mess ups

(4:33:13)

COPS
 - Violent white trash dude tazered while fighting. He's in a chair.
 - Young black man dressed in a red shirt is tazered and arrested in a restaurant. He had drugs and also a gun on him.
 - Jersey cop pulls over two guys in a car who are buying drugs and arrests them
 - Black man named Kevin hides under a mattress from the police. It's funny looking, the mattress being all raised up. It was so obvious he was hiding under there. Did he think no one would notice?
 - Crazed white man with long hair steals a kids bike and hides from the police in a shed

Conan O'Brien. Camera zooms in on a man in the audience who refuses to laugh. Conan spills NBC secrets. Other summer sweeps gimmicks. Gun toting, Nascar driving Jesus.

(5:13:04)

Maury
 - Small boy mauled by a dog, and is now blind and severely disfigured. Lee Ann Rhimes gives him a drum set.
 - Woman's scalp ripped from her skull by a machine at a factory
 - Boy in a wheelchair is made fun of at school. Anthony the A-Train Thomas invites him to a Chicago Bears game and gives him free Bears paraphernalia
 - Boy has a gigantic purple birthmark on his face. A port wine stain, they call it. He also gets free things.

Late Night with David Letterman. Creepy George W. Bush eyebrow. Also, Dave interviews Paul Reubens (Pee Wee) and Evangeline Lilly

Conan O'Brien skit where he unveils new state quarters

(5:50:59)

Jay-Z "Can I Get A...." music video from the Rush Hour soundtrack

Street Smarts. Jerri Manthey and Alex Bell from Survivor square off. This must have taken place shortly after All Stars because they keep making cracks about it. This cuts out about midway through the episode and resumes on the next tape.


END OF TAPE

Final Thoughts: Big Brother 9

I don't particularly recalling being blown away by this season of Big Brother when I had originally watched it. I didn't really like the couples twist. I disliked half of the cast members. Plus I was a little bit Big Brother-ed out. Usually there is a year or so between seasons of this show, but because of the writer's strike back in 2008, they decided to release a special edition of Big Brother during the winter months since nothing original was being written at this point in time.

I always considered Big Brother 8 to be the last "great" season of Big Brother. I loved Evel Dick and his antics, plus the game was just flat out a lot of fun. Good characters, big moments, fun twists, great winner. Anything was bound to be a letdown after a season like that.

Rewatching Big Brother 9, I was kind of surprised to find that I liked the season. In fact, I really liked it.

This season was completely different in the sense that the game was played (at least, in the beginning) with partners instead of individuals. 14 people came into the game, and were quickly partnered off into couples. Supposedly personality tests had been given to the players, and it was determined who each other's "soul mates" were based on compatibility. These couples would play the game as one person. Competitions were won as couples, nominations made as couples. People were evicted as couples.

This seemed like an unfair twist to me originally. You could play the best Big Brother game in the universe, but if you happened to get coupled with someone the house hated and wanted out, you would be screwed. And this actually did happen on a few occasions.

In addition to the couples twist, there were also a few other wrinkles to the game as well. A few people entered the house knowing other players in the game. There was Ryan and Jen - a real life couple outside the house. These two came into the house and were supposed to act like they didn't know one another. They got coupled with other people as well. Due to in game reasons (Jen's partner wanted to target Ryan for eviction) they couldn't keep the fact that they knew each other a secret for very long. This made things all kinds of awkward.

Then there was Sharon and Jacob. These two had been a real life couple for a long time, but had recently broken up before the show. They were then paired together as each other's soulmates. Cruel, Big Brother, cruel. I hated Jacob right away. In the introductions he was all Jesus this, Jesus that. And then we found out that he had separated from Sharon because he had cheated on her, lol.

These were the only pre existing relationships in the house coming into the game. Well, unless you count the house guinea pigs, which the show did in a competition later on in the game. Other pairings included Sheila, a sassy cougar, and Adam, a fast talking, Jersey boy. This couple was dysfunctional right from the get go. They hated each other. Sheila in particular didn't like Adam and the fact that he smoked and seemed like kind of a spaz. He didn't earn points for himself either when he referred to the special needs kids he worked with as retards.

Alex and Amanda were another couple. He was a pretty boy New York DJ. Even I can admit he was a good looking man. She was a butterfaced Wisconsin girl with a high pitched little girl voice. Hot body though.

Previously mentioned Jen was partnered with Parker, a black dude with a fro. He seeemed cool at first, but kinda morphed into a dick during his short stay in the house. Jen's boyfriend Ryan was partnered with Alison, a sporty loud mouthed Boston chick. She kind of annoyed me.

There was a token gay couple - Joshuah and.... uh some other guy who quit the game on like day 3 or 4. There was James, with his pink mohawk and his tale of bicycling around the world (is that possible?) and bad girl Chelsia. I had the major hots for her when this season first aired.

Last couple was one that I HATED when I first watched the show - Matt and Natalie. Matt was your typical cocky Boston guy. I tend to hate these people on reality shows. He was kinda like a younger version of Boston Rob. He was paired with Natalie, a bikini barista (those exist?). She was another Jesus freak like Jacob, but apparently she gave Matt a blowjob on like the second or third day of the game. This is according to the live feed reports. They never showed this on TV though. WHY?? I thought she was super annoying the first time I watched this. She had one of those obnoxiously loud voices, and everything about her screamed fake. She was constantly fawning over Matt, who didn't even really seem to like her that much. Words can't describe how this couple annoyed me the first time I watched this show.

Upon rewatch though, they may have been my favorite couple. They are so dysfunctional, it is hilarious. She is constantly all over Matt, but he is talking trash about her to the camera, and constantly pursuing other chicks like Chelsia and Sharon. It was kind of hilarious to watch actually.

Once all the pairs had been created, a challenge was held for power couple. The winner would evict any couple of their choice singlehandedly. Or would it be doublehandedly because they are a couple? I don't know. Jen and Parker won this first challenge.

Here is where the unfairness factor came in for me. Sharon would have been in no trouble whatsoever, but her partner Jacob started rumors about people calling Parker a snake. In reality, no one had said that - and Jacob was the one trying to make Parker look bad. Jacob and Sharon were chosen (obviously) by Parker and Jen to leave the house. Sharon did nothing wrong, but paid the price for her partner's stupidity.

Joshuah's partner was forced to quit for personal reasons, giving Joshuah the choice of selecting either Sharon or Jacob to come back into the game to be his new partner. Obviously, he chose Sharon rather than the shit stirring Jacob. I was glad for her to get a second chance since she got screwed over by her partner. And she did end up making it pretty far in the game.

Another person who got screwed was Parker, who was voted out because everyone hated Jen and her shit stirring ways. People didn't like her at all, and she only made things worse for herself when she went around calling her real life boyfriend Ryan a racist to make herself look better. Like, what was she thinking?

Alex was another one who got screwed. Amanda, his partner, was a huge gossip who went around the house starting rumors and irritiating the crap out of everyone. These rumors blew up in her face during a big fight with Joshuah, who called her a horse face and told her to hang herself like her dad. Low blow, but she brought it on herself. This couple got evicted, even though Alex really did nothing wrong and seemed to be playing a good game.

The last screwed player was Ryan, who was taken out because his partner Allison was hated by the house, and again - fought with Joshuah who came after her looks and called her an ugly bitch. Allison also squabbled with Sheila and a few others. Ryan was spared however, when the couples twist ended and everyone was forced to decide whether to vote him out or Allison. Allison left and Ryan got to stay in the game.

Once the couple twist ended, the game got really good. Ryan became the new HoH, and people were trying to threaten and intimidate him into putting his good pal Matt out of the game. No one trusted James, who was kind of seen as the ringleader for the anti Matt movement, and he became a huge target. When the veto was used, a lot of people expected Ryan to put up his friend Matt - but he took out James instead. This was a big game changing moment, and where this season really got good.

A big twist occurred that saved James's skin. The players had to vote whether to save James or bring a mystery player back into the game. America had voted for the screwed over Alex as the mystery player, but the players in the game didn't know it. Rather than risk the unknown, the players brought James back into the game. Appearance wise, you would think James with his pink mohawk would have been this huge over the top character. Plus his nickname was Crazy James. But I didn't really see too much crazy behavior out of him. I did hear rumors that he was in gay porn before the show, so I had to look it up to see if the rumors were true. They are. I would suggest not following up on this yourself, however.

Upon his return, James made his enemies pay, winning all kinds of competitions and taking out his rival Matt. Every week became a struggle to evict James from the house, but he kept winning veto challenges. He saw two of his alliance members leave before him - Chelsia and Joshuah. The alliance of Natalie, Ryan, Sheila, and Adam took control of the game. James eventually lost a veto challenge and was finally voted out at the final 6.

Sharon became the last outsider, but was saved when the dominating alliance (Team Christ... ugh what a name) decided to take out one of their own in Natalie because she was such a big threat. Sharon's reprieve was short lived as she got voted out next anyway. Sharon was okay. She seemed nice enough, but she was another Jesus freak in the house. Plus I hated how she would always yell wooooooo all the time. It was obnoxious. Her baby talk to the guinea pigs was annoying too.

Within the Team Christ alliance, Ryan and Adam had a final 2 deal and took each other to the finals when Sheila couldn't come up with a challenge win at the end of the game. Sheila was an emotional rollercoaster - up and down and down and up. She cried quite often and was very quick to anger in many situations. But there were other times she seemed like the most loving and caring person in the world. She was a little bit of a mess but I liked her a lot. Why has she not been back as a returning player?

I actually liked both of the people in the final 2. Ryan seemed like a genuinely nice guy, although whenever he would speak to Julie or to his houseguests on live TV, he would always say the phrase "you know" way too many times. This bugged the crap out of me. "Yeah, you know, I, you know, nominated James because, you know, he was a threat and, you know...." Ugh.

Adam was my favorite when the show first aired. He is goofy, off the wall. Not your typical type of Big Brother winner. Not your typical kind of human being actually. He was a very strange guy, kind of reminiscent of a Muppet or a cartoon character in his mannerisms. When I first started rewatching this season, I was like how the hell does Adam make it to the end and win? I thought my memory had failed me miserably. But no, he did win in the end.

It was a 6-1 vote. I am a little surprised it was such a blow out. People seemed to like Ryan, and a few people suggested that Adam didn't have a backbone or hid behind Ryan's game play. But Adam was rewarded with the vote. He was always very passionate about the moves he made, which I think was a big plus in his favor versus the usually cool and level headed Ryan. Plus Adam works with children and made it clear that he was going to use his money to improve the lives of autistic children through charity work.

"I'm going to do great things with this money," he assured his fellow houseguests.

Which is funny, because didn't he get busted for drug possession and trafficking not too long after the game ended. LOL. Great things indeed.

All in all, I really enjoyed this season upon rewatch. I was actually kind of dreading watching it again since I didn't enjoy it much the first time I watched it. But I had a lot of fun this time around and would often look forward to being able to watch the next show in line. Usually when I watch shows, I take my time and only watch an episode here and there every once in a while. But this one kept me coming back, which is a sign that I truly enjoyed.

I loved the cast. There wasn't a dud in the bunch. I liked the way the show went down, the people I wanted to see leave generally left the show early and the people I liked tended to stick around in the game. The format and the couplings were great for drama. I enjoyed the winner. I just really enjoyed the season as a whole.

Oh how my opinion has changed. Whereas I used to think back on this season negatively, I now see it as one of my favorite seasons. If you have never seen this season before, it is DEFINITELY worth a watch. And if you have seen it, you may find that you like it more a second time around.

VHS Tape #8: Matteo Tape

This tape is named after Survivor legend Matthew Von Ertfelda.

(00:00:00)

Jeopardy. Ken Jennings takes a 37 game winning streak into this episode. I don't know why I recorded this. Probably because I wanted to get at least one of his record setting episodes on tape. He blows away the competition in this episode and sets an all time Jeopardy record with $75,000 in one round.

MXC - Democrats vs Republican vs Third Party
- Sinkers and Floaters
- Horse Racing
- Pork The Barrel
- Rotating Surfboard of Death
- Mud Slingers. Sudi Babaganoosh is in this segment .
- Log Drop

(00:35:03)

Cops
- Some punk white kid is beat up after he messes with someone's car by punching the passenger side mirror. The cops find the beat-up kid afterwords and he is belligerent towards them and arrested.
- Cops respond to a call where a black son has pulled a knife on his mother. He claims that his mom's boyfriend pulled a gun on him. He is very distraught and emotional. His mom and her boyfriend claim that he went crazy and attacked them over cigarettes.
- Young Hispanic guy is arrested when he is caught with stolen property. They track the stolen property to an old granny's house. She didn't even know she had been robbed. LMAO.

Jeff Foxworthy stand up comedy. He talks about women's magazines.

Cops.
- A couple of drug stings. The cops arrest some guys who are buying from an undercover officer. One of the guys is a homeless looking white guy who tries to drive away. His pickup truck is seized when he is caught.
- Old Hispanic man is arrested for trying to steal T-shirts from a store. The store owner and her little daughter are very ecstatic when they find out he has warrants and is going to be put away.

More Jeff Foxworthy stand up. He makes a joke about what "seeing other people" really means and then it goes to commercial.

Cops
-Two guys are arrested after trying to break into phone booths to steal the quarters. One guy tries to hide on the roof of a house, but is surrounded. Eventually he comes down and gives himself up.

(1:13:44)

Girls Behaving Badly.
- The girls hold stand up comedy auditions for local women in Atlanta, Georgia
- Skit where a woman is walking around and constantly asking people who their doctor is because they did a great job on them
- More stand up comedy clips
- Skit where a man is tricked into thinking he is taking a virtual reality vacation tour. But he is really just sitting on a couch with 3D glasses on while a woman shakes a plant around and blows at him.
- Stand up winner announced - it is an old fat black woman who dances
- Outtake

Girls Behaving Badly.
- More stand up auditions, this time from Chicago
- Women pose as security officers in a mall who issue people citations for being too loud
- More auditions, this one has a woman from Wisconsin in it
- Barista asks male customers for tips on picking up a guy. When she gets out from behind the counter they are shocked to see she is pregnant and everything goes wrong from there.
- More stand up auditions, this one has another Wisconsinite
- Two people are pranked when they are hired at a new job. They must jump up and down during a meeting to keep the motion sensor lights from turning off.
- The winner of the stand up competition is announced. Two people who act like foreigners win.
- Outtakes

(1:49:19)

Maury Povich. This is an update episode on memorable guests.
- Maury makes over a slutty, overweight, out of control pink haired teen girl. Four years later, she is normal and mature looking.
- 42 year old woman marries a 14 year old boy. Now they are divorced. Shocker!
- Update on a really fat little kid named Jordan. He's still fat.

Blind Date. I swear this is porn star Bridget the Midget in this episode. I looked it up on Google and I can't find anything about this, but she has the same tattoos and the same name, so it has to be her. She dates an Asian guy, also a midget. She's very funny and sassy, and he's very quiet and cool. They get along great.

Man vs Beast - A group of midgets pull an airplane. They try to pull it faster than an elephant, but fail. Who thinks this shit up? You may have seen the first part of this clip on the third tape of mine, but this is the rest.

Man vs Beast 2!
- Track athlete and dog compete in a long jump contest. Again, who thinks this shit up? The dog wins.
- Gymnast and orangutan compete in a hanging contest based on who can hang from a bar the longest. The ape loses concentration and illegally grabs onto the pole holding the bar and loses.
- Samoan tree climber competes against a chimpanzee on who can climb a pole the fastest. The man wins and it isn't even close. The man challenges the beast to a rematch, where he says he can go up and down twice before the beast can once. He loses the rematch though.
- The little people are looking for revenge after losing to the elephant in the last episode. In this one, they compete in a baton race against a 1500 pound Arabian Camel and lose again.

(2:51:12)

COPS
- Police respond to a call about a naked man harassing people. When they arrive they arrest the man and his friends. Apparently they were drunk and goofing around. The naked guy ran around acting crazy while his pals filmed it.
- Cops discover a naked man sleeping in a car. He says that his wife kicked him out of the house. He has no ID so he tries to give the cops a fake name and is busted.
- Cops confront a naked, bloody, black man in a park. He's batshit crazy. He tries to punch through a wooden fence, and the cops are forced to mace him and take him down. They get his blood all over them. I'd love to know the backstory on this one!
- Prostitution stings. Three women are arrested trying to sell themselves to an undercover cop. The cop explains that he doesn't have to say yes when he's asked if he's a cop.
- More prostitution stings. This time female undercover officers bust johns.
- Man is arrested after picking up a transsexual prostitute. He didn't realize it was really a man and he seems genuinely sickened.

(3:30:58)

Totally Outrageous Behavior
- Stock car racer gets out of the vehicle and his foot is on fire. He dances around like a ballerina and eventually the fire is put out.
- Giant seal comes up out of the water and smashes parked cars
- Man tries to knock out a wall in a damaged building and the whole ceiling comes down on him
- Guy jumps on a bed and smashes his head into a chandelier
- Teenager tries to ride a bike through a loop like he was Sonic the Hedgehog. He bites it pretty hard.
- Dancers fall off a stage
- Elephant steals an old lady's purse and shoves it in its mouth
- Funny car loses its wheels at the start of a race and wipes out
-Well dressed man tries to do a wheelie on his motorcycle and wipes out
- Fireworks in the back of a pickup truck start firing off without notice
- Man tries to jump into a geyser of water shooting up out of a fire hydrant and gets spun around and knocked to the ground
- Bride is blinded by all the rice being thrown at her and runs smack dab into the back of a truck
- Skydiving camera man crashes into a small airplane hangar
- Hot air balloon goes out of control and crashes through a crowd of people. One of the people in the basket is tossed out, and the balloon takes off with only one guy in it.

World's Craziest Videos
- Clip montage of people falling while doing outdoors activities
- Funny clips of animals either falling or running into things
- Dog tries to fetch a branch in the water and doesn't realize it's unmovable and attached to a tree
- News reporter gets soaked by sprinklers
- Other funny clips involving news reporters. Followed by funny clips involving news reporters with animals.
- Bud Light commercial
- Funny clips based around party games
- Mishaps on the sets of low budget TV shows being filmed
- Little Asian boy in a clown outfit cries while dancing

Dannon Smoothie commercial. In the Summertime by Mungo Jerry is playing in the background in this ad, and that's why I recorded it.

Commercial for the Survivor: Vanuatu pilot

(3:59:04)

COPS. Most of these clips are from a special War on Drugs episode.
- Man tries to run from the police after purchasing drugs from a dealer. He throws the drugs but the cops find them. One of the cops is the Jersey Cop guy. "Do I look like a dude to you?"
- Hawaiian police officer pulls over a car with no front license plate. The driver tries to run and is arrested. He has lots of drugs on him and is on parole. He says that he's been in and out of jail his whole life and just can't get off the ice. Sad story.
- White guy in red shirt is arrested after buying drugs and running from the cops. He cries when he is questioned by the police. He is then taken in and processed.
- Police execute a search warrant on a suspected drug house. People keep coming up to the window to buy drugs, and then get arrested.
- Cops pull over a car that gets swarmed by drug dealers. A woman in the car bought the drugs. The driver, a guy, didn't buy drugs but gets in trouble for driving. She's arrested and he's ticketed.
- Faggy white bald guy is arrested for trespassing. He has needles and drugs on him. He claims that a particular cop harasses him, but the cop claims he's a persistent problem.
- This one almost made me cry. The police come to the scene of a fatal accident. A mother of two is killed. The kids are injured. An old cop comforts the husband of the woman killed in the accident. It's sweet. She wasn't wearing her seat belt.... so sad.
- Older Hispanic woman with curly hair is arrested for selling drugs. She's got a bumper sticker that says "Say No To Drugs." lol. The car is impounded.
- Mexican guy with a mustache and a mullet (he kinda looks like a 70's porn star) is arrested for domestic violence. The abused woman goes on a rant and says that no woman should have to put up with guys who hit them. Preach.
- Cop car is hit pretty bad by another car. The cop has to be taken off in a stretcher. The person who hit the car was drunk.

Jerry Springer
- Cross dressing man cheats on his girlfriend.
- Guy tells his girlfriend he is cheating on her with a woman who he taunts with food. That's right - taunts with food. He rubs it all over her and makes her beg for it. He says if his girlfriend won't join in, he is leaving her. So she does join in. WTF this is so fake.

(5:14:22)

Jeopardy. This is another Ken Jennings episode. Well, half an episode. This is his 41st win in a row.

Clip from the news where a proposal to make all gas pumps prepay is discussed

Judge Joe Brown. Funny Asian woman sues a blond woman for money that is owed to her. She wins the case.

Life Alert commercial

Outrageous Behavior
- Ski jumper at a circus crashes hardcore
- Santa at a grocery store is hit by a shopping cart and knocked down
- Man is almost squeezed to death by a snake while filming an animal TV show
- Guy rides his bicycle on the freeway and crashes into the side of a bus going around a blind turn
- Two guys trying to fix a ramshackle building end up bringing it down
- Politician almost blows himself up with fireworks
- Man loses control of his motorbike and it drags him through the woods
- Man in a hang glider crashes into a group of people while trying to land
- Guy in his underwear walks up and down a street knocking out windows with a shovel
- Man goes down a mountain on a bicycle at 106 miles per hour. The bike breaks apart and he's thrown over 100 feet but lives.
- Car drives alongside a river pulling a guy on water skis. The car loses control and crashes into the water.
- Marathon runner falls down right before the finish line and goes from first to last
- News reporter tries to do an interview in front of a group of cows, but they keep humping each other in the background
- News reporter squeezes egg and it explodes all over him
- Man tries to drive a truck off-road, and it flips over
- Amateur daredevil blows up a giant pumpkin while sitting on it

(5:44:45)

World's Craziest Videos
- Guy swings from a chin up bar and smashes his face
- Handrail breaks on staircase and man falls
- Guy sits in a boat and tries to roll it down a hill towards water, but fails miserably
- Firefighter falls into water well and has to be pulled out
- Man sweeps a woman off her feet and drops her on her head
- Man water slides through grass and fucks his shit up
- Man dancing on tables falls down
- Two clips of people on bikes wiping out
- Horse runs into side of Jeep
- Man loses control of snowmobile and crashes into a large group of people
- Water skiing woman crashes on land
- Old woman tries to swing from a rope over water and falls
- Woman driving a car crashes into fence
- Woman running on treadmill falls down and is yanked off
- Clips of newscasters messing shit up
- Funny clips of little kids at weddings
- Funny game show clip about the word fart
- Fat lady steals a VCR by shoving it up under her dress

Outrageous Behavior
- Man has his finger stuck in a gator's mouth in the middle of a show
- People trying to recreate a Civil War scene accidentally blow off a cannon
- Chef likes to light himself on fire. The "Flameboyant Chef"
- Huge boat tilts on its side and splashes an enormous wave onto the street that knocks down a building
- Man falls through roof trying to clear snow off of it
- Guy falls from a ladder and then yells at his friend for not holding it in place for him
- Kite surfing man is lifted into the air and smashes into rocks
- Two guys playing bike chicken smash head first into each other
- Guy bit by a mouse while holding it on TV
- Man at a party bashes himself in the head with a sheet of plexiglass and knocks himself out
- Scottish version of Jackass fails to impress TV producers

World's Craziest Videos
- News reporter slip ups
- Angry dog chases his own tail
- Dog tries to bite windshield wipers that are going back and forth
- Two rams try to headbutt each other through a metal gate
- Four hamsters try to run in a wheel at the same time and knock each other out of it
- Group of sheep eat out of a dish while walking in a circle around it
- Montage of funny dog clips


END OF TAPE

Video Game Review: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

PlayStation 3

This is going to be a hard game for me to grade. I feel the first half of this game is just okay, while the second half is totally amazing.

Anyone who read my review of the previous game in the series, Uncharted 2, will know that I gave it a perfect score. Fabulous graphics, great gameplay, breathtaking action, awesome locales, and solid story line. The game was a masterpiece in nearly every way. You'd think that the makers of the game would have been able to build on what made the last game so great, and really turn Uncharted 3 into a truly sensational title.

I do feel as if this is a good game, but it comes nowhere close to the majesty of its predecessor. What went wrong? Let me tell you.

We will start with the story. The story is about as basic as they possibly come. The bad guys are looking for the same treasure that Nate is, and it is a race to see who gets there first. Been there, done that in the last two games as well as every Indiana Jones movie ever created. There is nothing about the story line here that makes it stand out in any way whatsoever. The deeper I got into the game, the less invested I became. And that should never, ever happen in a game as dependent on story line as Uncharted.

They do a few nice things with the story, however. Chloe and Elena both come back, which makes for an interesting dynamic. It is explained through playable flashbacks how Nate and Sully hooked up and became such good friends. And a new character who is a mole for the bad guys in the game is introduced.

But still, none of these added wrinkles were enough to distract from me the fact that this game basically has the same story line as the last two games. Maybe I would have enjoyed the story more if the locales you visit in this game were as rich and varied as the last title, but they are not. A lot of these areas, especially early in the game, seem like tired rehashes. Middle Eastern cities, crumbling castles, rain forests... oh look! Nate is falling and crashing through something again. Yeah yeah. We have seen this all before.

The first half of the game is painfully slow. Lots of uninteresting dialogue, an uninspired story line, and none of the same high flying action that the series is known for. The game was taking itself too seriously, and seemed to have all of the fun from the previous installments completely sucked out of it. I had to actually start the game over from the beginning because I lost interest about 8 chapters in and didn't pick up the game again until several months later. By then, I had forgotten everything going on up to this point in the game.

Right before I started to lose hope, the game began to improve. It started turning back into the Uncharted I had come to know and love. It started with great action, and a great locale. Swimming is something that hasn't really been explored in the series before, and in this game it plays a major role. The stage where I truly started to finally enjoy the game prominently features your ability to swim. There is a ship graveyard in the ocean, and you have to swim through it, pulling yourself up onto ship husks, taking out enemies as you go. I tried to complete this area stealthily, but I quickly got found out and it turned into a massive fire fight. It's a big environment, enemies are everywhere, and the graphics look beautiful.

I was like - YES. This is awesome. This is the Uncharted I have been waiting for. Action quickly moves aboard a large cruise vessel. More fighting, more awesome gun play. Eventually the ship sinks and it is a race to get out before it goes down. Water is everywhere, things are upside down, you are having to climb for your life. It is very intense.

The game is pretty action packed from here on out. There is a great sequence where you are forced to jump off a car and board a moving plane. There is a series of fun battles aboard the plane before it goes down. The cinematic quality is great here. The action top of the line.

When the ship crashes, Nate is stranded in the desert. There isn't much action here but this whole segment of the game I found pretty cool. He wanders around, looking for safety. Hallucinating and having flashbacks. Eventually he finds his underground city, just like Uncharted 2. Only this one is golden instead of lush and green. He saves Sully, kills the bad guys, and saves the day.

Game over.

Wait, what? The game finally starts to get good, and then it ends? This title seemed very, very short compared to the previous games. It felt as if I had beat it in record time. It definitely left a lingering, very unsatisfied feeling in my mind.

In no way is this game as good as Uncharted 2. I even question whether it was as good as the first game. It takes things FAR too long to get going here - and then once they do - the game ends.

This game did a lot of things right. The boat graveyard and the cruise ship sinking: awesome. The plane boarding and subsequent crash: awesome. The lost in the desert scenes: awesome. But everything else is just so bland. If the game had been a blast from the very beginning, this could very well have earned a very high score. Instead it seemed like I came away with only half of a really good game. And a very short one at that.

I know that multiplayer is probably a big part of the game's appeal, but I don't do multiplayer much. Especially when you have to pay for it. I think the game came across as so short and uninspired to me because Naughty Dog focused too much time on the multiplayer aspect of the game and not enough time on creating a lengthy and satisfying single player experience. Maybe if I was a multiplayer person, I would have enjoyed this more.

I want to love the game, I really do. Like I said, it does things right. The game is just as good looking as ever, the controls and the combat are spot on. There are even some added abilities like throwing enemy grenades back at them. But this just feels like too much of a retread for me.

It needed a better story line. It needed some more fun, exotic locales. It needed to be longer. It needed to be deeper. It needed to have a little more variety to its gameplay. It needed to up the ante, raise the bar, like its predecessor did. Instead it felt like it took a major step back from the second Uncharted. Granted, Uncharted 2 was an epic game that would have been hard to improve upon. But that doesn't excuse the seemingly lackluster amount of innovation that was put into this.

Does half a game a good game make? Sort of.

It's aiiiight.

Overall:

C+

Video Game Review: Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos

Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos

Nintendo Entertainment System

When I was a kid there was a handful of video game franchises that ruled the roost. One was, of course, Super Mario Bros. Then you had your Castlevania games, your Ninja Turtle games. Double Dragon, Contra. Ninja Gaiden.

I always thought the first Ninja Gaiden was the shit. Good graphics, clever level designs, fun bosses, challenging gameplay. The thing that set it apart from other games, however, was its amazing story line. I had played games for fun before, but never for their story. Ryu's quest to avenge his father and stop a demon from taking over the world may seem a little basic now - but for the late 1980's it was far more advanced than anything ever seen before on a video game console.

Judging by how well received the first game was, a sequel was a no-brainer. This game was at the top of my wish list, and I got it for Christmas or a birthday or something. I immediately went to work and conquered the game in no time flat.

The game was not as challenging as the original, however. The original was known for its crushing difficulty. While this one does have some tough, chuck your controller at the wall moments, it can be beaten in an hour or so if you're any good at it. In fact, just now I beat the game. I hadn't picked it up in Lord knows how many years, but it all came back to me in no time.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, Ninja Gaiden is a side scrolling series where you star as a - you guessed it - ninja named Ryu. In this game, the forces of evil are stirring. Your girlfriend Irene, who you met in the first game, has been taken. It is up to you to rescue her from the mysterious Jaquio and his army of terror. Jaquio is in possession of the Dark Sword of Chaos, and is planning to use its mystical power to take over the world. But he needs Irene's life force to be able to accomplish this task.

The plot for this game is not as good as it was in the original game. The first game had a lot of twists and turns and detours, but this one is very straightforward. Find the bad guy, rescue your woman, and kill everyone who stands in your way.

Typically you move from left to right on the screen. Your basic attack is slashing with your sword. As you progress, you gain special attacks. You can shoot fireballs, launch ninja stars, even spawn a clone of yourself that follows in your footsteps and deals damage just as you would yourself. The clone power up was not in the first game, but it is a welcome addition to the game in my opinion. Those things saved me more times than I care to admit.

In addition to being a very challenging platforming game, Ninja Gaiden 2 also throws at you a constant onslaught of enemies. It seems like everywhere you turn, something is coming at you. It is a constant battle to fight off your attackers from every angle and make it to the end of each stage.

As mentioned, the platforming itself is very challenging. You must jump from ledge to ledge at various times in the game. Mess up the timing of your jump by a heartbeat, and you can fall and die at any moment. Whenever you get hit by an enemy, it flings you backwards. Expect to die many times by getting knocked into a pit, either mid jump or when you are just running along. The game is mercilessly cruel in this aspect.

The game is similar in play style to the original, but they made some improvements that I think would have made the first game even more awesome had they been included from the very beginning. In the original game, climbing walls was a real chore. When you jump into a wall, you cling on to it. But you can't go up or down. You would have to jump away from the wall and then quick come back. Basically, you would have to slowly and meticulously inch your way up a wall. Which gets tiring after a while. In this game, when you cling on to a wall, you can just climb it up and down with no worries. Like the clone power up I mentioned earlier, this is a welcome addition to this game.

The game also throws a few more extra wrinkles at you. There is a level where the wind blows back and forth, and you must time your jump accordingly. There is a stage that is very dark, and you can not see a lot of what lies ahead of you. You must wait for lightning to flash and illuminate your path. Go forward a bit, and wait for more lightning. There is also a stage with running water that acts as a conveyor belt of sorts, and of course, your typical slippery ice stage. All of these are new wrinkles to the game which helps set it apart from the first title and give it an identity of its own.

This is really a great game. Despite all the improvements it has made over the original, however, I still prefer the first game. This game is fun while it lasts, but it is very short. It is a bit easy too. Sure, as I mentioned, there are some tough parts that will make you want to chuck your controller through the screen. But if you practice through trial and error, memorize the patterns of the enemies and the locations of the items, it quickly becomes apparent that the game is not quite as difficult as you'd originally thought.

Also, the story line is a bit lackluster. I know it doesn't matter much how good the story is in old NES games, but Ninja Gaiden is different. The story line was a big draw in the first game and part of what made it such an instant classic. Here, it falls a bit short. There is also something missing, some hidden charm that the first game had that I can't quite place my finger on. I just beat this game, and I will probably not pick it up to play it again for another 10 or 15 years. The original game I could pick up and play any time.

Despite these shortcomings, I still think it is a solid game. The makers of the game didn't just sit on their laurels and churn out a sequel that is a virtual clone to the original. No. They made lots of changes and improvements. It may not quite measure up to the original, but few games do. Ninja Gaiden II is a classic in its own right.

Overall:

A-