Sunday, November 29, 2015

VHS Tape #8: Matteo Tape

This tape is named after Survivor legend Matthew Von Ertfelda.

(00:00:00)

Jeopardy. Ken Jennings takes a 37 game winning streak into this episode. I don't know why I recorded this. Probably because I wanted to get at least one of his record setting episodes on tape. He blows away the competition in this episode and sets an all time Jeopardy record with $75,000 in one round.




MXC - Democrats vs Republican vs Third Party
- Sinkers and Floaters
- Horse Racing
- Pork The Barrel
- Rotating Surfboard of Death
- Mud Slingers. Sudi Babaganoosh is in this segment .
- Log Drop

(00:35:03)

Cops
- Some punk white kid is beat up after he messes with someone's car by punching the passenger side mirror. The cops find the beat-up kid afterwords and he is belligerent towards them and arrested.
- Cops respond to a call where a black son has pulled a knife on his mother. He claims that his mom's boyfriend pulled a gun on him. He is very distraught and emotional. His mom and her boyfriend claim that he went crazy and attacked them over cigarettes.
- Young Hispanic guy is arrested when he is caught with stolen property. They track the stolen property to an old granny's house. She didn't even know she had been robbed. LMAO.

Jeff Foxworthy stand up comedy. He talks about women's magazines.

Cops.
- A couple of drug stings. The cops arrest some guys who are buying from an undercover officer. One of the guys is a homeless looking white guy who tries to drive away. His pickup truck is seized when he is caught.
- Old Hispanic man is arrested for trying to steal T-shirts from a store. The store owner and her little daughter are very ecstatic when they find out he has warrants and is going to be put away.

More Jeff Foxworthy stand up. He makes a joke about what "seeing other people" really means and then it goes to commercial.




Cops
-Two guys are arrested after trying to break into phone booths to steal the quarters. One guy tries to hide on the roof of a house, but is surrounded. Eventually he comes down and gives himself up.

(1:13:44)

Girls Behaving Badly.
- The girls hold stand up comedy auditions for local women in Atlanta, Georgia
- Skit where a woman is walking around and constantly asking people who their doctor is because they did a great job on them
- More stand up comedy clips
- Skit where a man is tricked into thinking he is taking a virtual reality vacation tour. But he is really just sitting on a couch with 3D glasses on while a woman shakes a plant around and blows at him.
- Stand up winner announced - it is an old fat black woman who dances
- Outtake

Girls Behaving Badly.
- More stand up auditions, this time from Chicago
- Women pose as security officers in a mall who issue people citations for being too loud
- More auditions, this one has a woman from Wisconsin in it
- Barista asks male customers for tips on picking up a guy. When she gets out from behind the counter they are shocked to see she is pregnant and everything goes wrong from there.
- More stand up auditions, this one has another Wisconsinite
- Two people are pranked when they are hired at a new job. They must jump up and down during a meeting to keep the motion sensor lights from turning off.
- The winner of the stand up competition is announced. Two people who act like foreigners win.
- Outtakes

(1:49:19)

Maury Povich. This is an update episode on memorable guests.
- Maury makes over a slutty, overweight, out of control pink haired teen girl. Four years later, she is normal and mature looking.
- 42 year old woman marries a 14 year old boy. Now they are divorced. Shocker!
- Update on a really fat little kid named Jordan. He's still fat.




Blind Date. I swear this is porn star Bridget the Midget in this episode. I looked it up on Google and I can't find anything about this, but she has the same tattoos and the same name, so it has to be her. She dates an Asian guy, also a midget. She's very funny and sassy, and he's very quiet and cool. They get along great.

Man vs Beast - A group of midgets pull an airplane. They try to pull it faster than an elephant, but fail. Who thinks this shit up? You may have seen the first part of this clip on the third tape of mine, but this is the rest.

Man vs Beast 2!
- Track athlete and dog compete in a long jump contest. Again, who thinks this shit up? The dog wins.
- Gymnast and orangutan compete in a hanging contest based on who can hang from a bar the longest. The ape loses concentration and illegally grabs onto the pole holding the bar and loses.
- Samoan tree climber competes against a chimpanzee on who can climb a pole the fastest. The man wins and it isn't even close. The man challenges the beast to a rematch, where he says he can go up and down twice before the beast can once. He loses the rematch though.
- The little people are looking for revenge after losing to the elephant in the last episode. In this one, they compete in a baton race against a 1500 pound Arabian Camel and lose again.

(2:51:12)

COPS
- Police respond to a call about a naked man harassing people. When they arrive they arrest the man and his friends. Apparently they were drunk and goofing around. The naked guy ran around acting crazy while his pals filmed it.
- Cops discover a naked man sleeping in a car. He says that his wife kicked him out of the house. He has no ID so he tries to give the cops a fake name and is busted.
- Cops confront a naked, bloody, black man in a park. He's batshit crazy. He tries to punch through a wooden fence, and the cops are forced to mace him and take him down. They get his blood all over them. I'd love to know the backstory on this one!
- Prostitution stings. Three women are arrested trying to sell themselves to an undercover cop. The cop explains that he doesn't have to say yes when he's asked if he's a cop.
- More prostitution stings. This time female undercover officers bust johns.
- Man is arrested after picking up a transsexual prostitute. He didn't realize it was really a man and he seems genuinely sickened.




(3:30:58)

Totally Outrageous Behavior
- Stock car racer gets out of the vehicle and his foot is on fire. He dances around like a ballerina and eventually the fire is put out.
- Giant seal comes up out of the water and smashes parked cars
- Man tries to knock out a wall in a damaged building and the whole ceiling comes down on him
- Guy jumps on a bed and smashes his head into a chandelier
- Teenager tries to ride a bike through a loop like he was Sonic the Hedgehog. He bites it pretty hard.
- Dancers fall off a stage
- Elephant steals an old lady's purse and shoves it in its mouth
- Funny car loses its wheels at the start of a race and wipes out
-Well dressed man tries to do a wheelie on his motorcycle and wipes out
- Fireworks in the back of a pickup truck start firing off without notice
- Man tries to jump into a geyser of water shooting up out of a fire hydrant and gets spun around and knocked to the ground
- Bride is blinded by all the rice being thrown at her and runs smack dab into the back of a truck
- Skydiving camera man crashes into a small airplane hangar
- Hot air balloon goes out of control and crashes through a crowd of people. One of the people in the basket is tossed out, and the balloon takes off with only one guy in it.

World's Craziest Videos
- Clip montage of people falling while doing outdoors activities
- Funny clips of animals either falling or running into things
- Dog tries to fetch a branch in the water and doesn't realize it's unmovable and attached to a tree
- News reporter gets soaked by sprinklers
- Other funny clips involving news reporters. Followed by funny clips involving news reporters with animals.
- Bud Light commercial
- Funny clips based around party games
- Mishaps on the sets of low budget TV shows being filmed
- Little Asian boy in a clown outfit cries while dancing




Dannon Smoothie commercial. In the Summertime by Mungo Jerry is playing in the background in this ad, and that's why I recorded it.

Commercial for the Survivor: Vanuatu pilot

(3:59:04)

COPS. Most of these clips are from a special War on Drugs episode.
- Man tries to run from the police after purchasing drugs from a dealer. He throws the drugs but the cops find them. One of the cops is the Jersey Cop guy. "Do I look like a dude to you?"
- Hawaiian police officer pulls over a car with no front license plate. The driver tries to run and is arrested. He has lots of drugs on him and is on parole. He says that he's been in and out of jail his whole life and just can't get off the ice. Sad story.
- White guy in red shirt is arrested after buying drugs and running from the cops. He cries when he is questioned by the police. He is then taken in and processed.
- Police execute a search warrant on a suspected drug house. People keep coming up to the window to buy drugs, and then get arrested.
- Cops pull over a car that gets swarmed by drug dealers. A woman in the car bought the drugs. The driver, a guy, didn't buy drugs but gets in trouble for driving. She's arrested and he's ticketed.
- Faggy white bald guy is arrested for trespassing. He has needles and drugs on him. He claims that a particular cop harasses him, but the cop claims he's a persistent problem.
- This one almost made me cry. The police come to the scene of a fatal accident. A mother of two is killed. The kids are injured. An old cop comforts the husband of the woman killed in the accident. It's sweet. She wasn't wearing her seat belt.... so sad.
- Older Hispanic woman with curly hair is arrested for selling drugs. She's got a bumper sticker that says "Say No To Drugs." lol. The car is impounded.
- Mexican guy with a mustache and a mullet (he kinda looks like a 70's porn star) is arrested for domestic violence. The abused woman goes on a rant and says that no woman should have to put up with guys who hit them. Preach.
- Cop car is hit pretty bad by another car. The cop has to be taken off in a stretcher. The person who hit the car was drunk.

Jerry Springer
- Cross dressing man cheats on his girlfriend.
- Guy tells his girlfriend he is cheating on her with a woman who he taunts with food. That's right - taunts with food. He rubs it all over her and makes her beg for it. He says if his girlfriend won't join in, he is leaving her. So she does join in. WTF this is so fake.




(5:14:22)

Jeopardy. This is another Ken Jennings episode. Well, half an episode. This is his 41st win in a row.

Clip from the news where a proposal to make all gas pumps prepay is discussed

Judge Joe Brown. Funny Asian woman sues a blond woman for money that is owed to her. She wins the case.

Life Alert commercial

Outrageous Behavior
- Ski jumper at a circus crashes hardcore
- Santa at a grocery store is hit by a shopping cart and knocked down
- Man is almost squeezed to death by a snake while filming an animal TV show
- Guy rides his bicycle on the freeway and crashes into the side of a bus going around a blind turn
- Two guys trying to fix a ramshackle building end up bringing it down
- Politician almost blows himself up with fireworks
- Man loses control of his motorbike and it drags him through the woods
- Man in a hang glider crashes into a group of people while trying to land
- Guy in his underwear walks up and down a street knocking out windows with a shovel
- Man goes down a mountain on a bicycle at 106 miles per hour. The bike breaks apart and he's thrown over 100 feet but lives.
- Car drives alongside a river pulling a guy on water skis. The car loses control and crashes into the water.
- Marathon runner falls down right before the finish line and goes from first to last
- News reporter tries to do an interview in front of a group of cows, but they keep humping each other in the background
- News reporter squeezes egg and it explodes all over him
- Man tries to drive a truck off-road, and it flips over
- Amateur daredevil blows up a giant pumpkin while sitting on it




(5:44:45)

World's Craziest Videos
- Guy swings from a chin up bar and smashes his face
- Handrail breaks on staircase and man falls
- Guy sits in a boat and tries to roll it down a hill towards water, but fails miserably
- Firefighter falls into water well and has to be pulled out
- Man sweeps a woman off her feet and drops her on her head
- Man water slides through grass and fucks his shit up
- Man dancing on tables falls down
- Two clips of people on bikes wiping out
- Horse runs into side of Jeep
- Man loses control of snowmobile and crashes into a large group of people
- Water skiing woman crashes on land
- Old woman tries to swing from a rope over water and falls
- Woman driving a car crashes into fence
- Woman running on treadmill falls down and is yanked off
- Clips of newscasters messing shit up
- Funny clips of little kids at weddings
- Funny game show clip about the word fart
- Fat lady steals a VCR by shoving it up under her dress

Outrageous Behavior
- Man has his finger stuck in a gator's mouth in the middle of a show
- People trying to recreate a Civil War scene accidentally blow off a cannon
- Chef likes to light himself on fire. The "Flameboyant Chef"
- Huge boat tilts on its side and splashes an enormous wave onto the street that knocks down a building
- Man falls through roof trying to clear snow off of it
- Guy falls from a ladder and then yells at his friend for not holding it in place for him
- Kite surfing man is lifted into the air and smashes into rocks
- Two guys playing bike chicken smash head first into each other
- Guy bit by a mouse while holding it on TV
- Man at a party bashes himself in the head with a sheet of plexiglass and knocks himself out
- Scottish version of Jackass fails to impress TV producers

World's Craziest Videos
- News reporter slip ups
- Angry dog chases his own tail
- Dog tries to bite windshield wipers that are going back and forth
- Two rams try to headbutt each other through a metal gate
- Four hamsters try to run in a wheel at the same time and knock each other out of it
- Group of sheep eat out of a dish while walking in a circle around it
- Montage of funny dog clips


END OF TAPE

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