Video Game Review #554: Yars' Revenge

Yars' Revenge

Atari 2600

Nostalgia Factor:

Yars' Revenge is a game that I always enjoyed when I was a kid. The graphics, the sound, just the overall premise of the game in general was something that appealed to me. While I liked the game, I always found it to be a bit too short and simple - as was the case with many Atari 2600 games. There are only two stages, both of which loop endlessly when you beat them, getting faster and more difficult until you lose all your lives and are forced to start the game over again. There is no "beating" the game. You are simply playing it for a high score and to make it as far as possible.

These types of games have always had a short leash with me. I want something with a goal and an endgame you can work towards. I liked Yars' Revenge, yeah, but I always found that it quickly would wear out its welcome. When I was a kid, playing sessions tended to last no more than ten minutes before I would move onto something else.

All of that being said, I have not played Yars' Revenge in, jeez, over 30 years now? At least 30 years. It may even be longer. Would I find that the game is still enjoyable (in its quirky, repetitive kind of way) or would I find that it had lost all its charm over the years?

That's what we're here to find out. Yars' Revenge. Strap in.

Story:

I'm sure there is some mention of the game's story in its instruction manual - but I never had the manual as a kid. I suppose I could just google it, but where would the fun be in that?

As a kid, I could only imagine what the story could be. You play as a guy dressed like a fly who floats around in outer space, battling aliens. Are these aliens an evil aggressor? Is the fly the aggressor? Who is Yar?

Gameplay:

As I mentioned before, there are only two stages in this game. In each stage, there is a barrier in front of you that you have to break through. There is an alien hiding inside the barrier. You have to get all up in the alien's grill and then launch a nuke from offscreen to penetrate the hole in the barrier and hit the alien in the head. Do so correctly, and you move onto the next level, where you do the same thing again. The only real difference between levels is the shape of the alien's barrier. In the first of the two stage types, it is conical in shape. In the second of the two stage types, it is long and rectangular. After you beat each stage once, the game begins to loop, with each iteration getting tougher and tougher in difficulty.

In the screenshots you may notice a big, staticy pillar running through the middle of the screen. The pillar is a "safe zone" that you can't shoot through. The good news is, you are safe from enemy attacks when you are inside the safe zone. After you cycle through the game's stages a couple of times, the safe zone disappears completely.

You break through the alien's shield by flying right up to it and "pecking at it" with the nose of your ship. You also have a light projectile weapon that can take out the shield. Taking out the shield is pretty easy, although you do have to be careful of the alien projectile that follows you around the screen. The alien also will randomly launch his head at you, which is harder to dodge and even harder to predict.

Once the barrier has been damaged enough, you must rush in and touch the alien head with your ship. Doing so makes a nuke appear on the far left edge of the screen. You have to line the nuke up with the head and time your shot just right, so that it hits the head and defeats the alien.

Like I said, the game is fun (for a while). Once you wrap your head around how the game works, it becomes less and less of a challenge. Until you've looped too many times. There reaches a point where the barrier disappears and the homing missile chasing you around is almost as fast as you are. This is where I usually die and have to start the game over again. If you get lucky and manage to beat a stage under this extreme difficulty, your reward is an ever tougher stage to battle through. Ick. No thanks. Once I consistently start making it to these super tough stages, that is when I normally lose interest and dip out of the game. Happened when I was a kid, and it happened here in 2025.

Graphics:

Obviously, this game is not much to look at. It features a plain black background, and some very simplistic looking shapes as characters. The weird rainbow static barrier is something that's always appealed to me visually, as unusual as that sounds. It gives the game some much needed color, in addition to offering you a safe harbor.

Another thing I appreciate is how the colors change as you get deeper into the game. The alien and his barrier always turn green and purple when you make it deep into the game - and that color combination has always made me think of Frankenstein, for some odd reason.

Sound:

This is an extremely sparse game, as far as its sound goes. The game is eerily silent, with the exception of an ever-present humming noise. I don't know what it is about that humming, but it has always created a somewhat scary, oppressive tone for me. 

The sound effects are nothing more than beeps and bloops, but there are a few effects that stand out to me. The first one being the sound that the alien head makes when it turns into a swastika and tries to kill you. Then there is the sound of dying. And then there is the sound it makes when you fire your nuke and defeat the alien. These sound effects are all distinctly "Yars' Revenge" and really help the game lean into its unique aural identity.

Overall:

Despite this game's flaws and limitations, I still like it. Kind of. The premise of the game is good, and when I play it I am normally having a good time with it. But holy god damn, is this game short. And simplistic. And repetitive. You do the same thing OVER and OVER and OVER again. There is no variety to be found here. It is just the same two stages on repeat, with the stages getting a little more difficult each time through them.

You can't beat the game, and I don't care about high scores. That gives the game very low replay value for me. Every time I pop this in, my playing session is over within ten minutes. There is just nothing to keep you playing. No extra stages, no bosses, no story to follow, no variety whatsoever. The game does not even offer a two-player option.

I like the music, I like the eerie tone of the game. And I do like the gameplay and the concept of the game. But it's two freaking levels. Imagine playing Super Mario Bros, and the game ends after Stage 1-2, and then loops over from the beginning. 

This game feels like it should get an incomplete score. It's barely a full game. How do I grade something that I enjoy playing, but has nothing within it to keep you playing or engaged? I don't know. That's a problem I've had with the 2600 in general. I like the system, and it got me interested in gaming when I was a kid. But holy cow, are these games brutal to play in the present day. I've reviewed 8 previous Atari 2600 games, and the highest grade I've given out is a C+. Ouch.

This game is going to get a bad score too. I feel like putting it in the D range is doing it a disservice - because the game was quite influential and ahead of its time for the early 80s. But anything higher than a C- is too high and likely a result of looking at the game with rose tinted glasses. So a C- it is! See, that was not too hard.

THE GRADE:

C-

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #553: Paperboy

Paperboy

Nintendo Entertainment System

Nostalgia Factor:

Paperboy is one of the oldest games in my NES collection. I've had it for as long as I can remember. I played this a lot when I was a kid, to the point where it was no longer a challenge for me anymore. Most people consider Paperboy to be a tough, frustrating experience. But not me. I could beat it with my eyes closed. It was always my goal as a kid to have a perfect run, and I would come close, but I always would end up missing a house or two in the process. Still, I considered myself to be a very good player.

I cannot say the same for other versions of the game. The arcade game is fun as an experience, but not as a game. It is a quarter-eater. It's supposed to be over the top in its difficulty. The Genesis version is just more of the same, but with worse controls. I consider both games to be virtually unplayable and impossible to complete. The NES version, however, is completely different. It's slower paced, it's more forgiving in its difficulty, and it's actually a fair, playable experience. The NES version has always been the best Paperboy in my mind, and it is not even close. 

All that said, I have not played the game in a good 15 years or so. Maybe even longer. My NES copy stopped working. It wouldn't recognize the controller, even though the controller worked fine with other games. I'd just turn the system on with Paperboy, the game would turn on, but then nothing I would press on the remote would do anything, as the game cycled between the title screen and the high score/demo sequences. I tried multiple controllers, and even ended up getting a different NES console in the process. Still wouldn't work.

I ended up having to seek out other means to track this game down and play it. So that's where we are. Paperboy for the NES. It came out in 1988, when I was 6 years old. Would I still enjoy it at the ripe old age of 42? Let's find out.

Story:

You play as an unnamed paperboy. It is your goal to make it through all seven days of the week, delivering papers to your customers. If you miss a house or destroy something on their property, you lose them as a subscriber. If you lose all subscribers, you lose the game. As you deliver, you'll encounter all sorts of shenanigans. Dogs will chase you, kids will try to hit you with their tricycles, bees will swarm after you, skateboarders will try to knock you off the sidewalk. It's a constant onslaught. While the game has no real "story", its neighborhood does exude a lot of personality. It gives the game an identity that is very much its own.

If you make it through all seven days, you get a newspaper article about you, which proclaims you a hero. 

Gameplay:

This is a simple game with a learning curve. Mastery of the bike's controls is the #1 most important thing in the game. Learn to control the bike, and you can do anything. Struggle with the bike, and you have no chance. You have to be able to react at a moment's notice to avoid a skateboarder, or swerve off into the grass and around trees, if there are too many unpredictable moving obstacles in your way.

Throwing papers is another must-learn skill. You might struggle at first, but once you get the timing down, it becomes quite easy. I was surprised at how quickly I jumped back into the game after having not played it in over 15 years. I didn't miss a house until late Tuesday, when my paper hit an RC car that blocked it from going into the mailbox. Apparently the timing of Paperboy is a skill you never really unlearn. Kind of like, uh, riding a bike?

Once you get the controls and the timing down pat, the game really is not that tough. My strategy is to hold up and go as fast as I can. If there is a moving object in front of me, like a tricycle or a rolling tire, I adjust my speed to avoid it. If there is a swarm of bees, I will outrun it. If there is a dog coming, I'll get on the right side of it and hit it with a paper immediately. If I see an RC car buzzing around a front door, I'll just continue to hold up to go as fast as I can - and my paper will always miss the car and hit the door mat or the mailbox.

I was shocked how quickly I was able to ace the game. I finally put together that perfect game I've been aiming for. Spoiler alert: it does not change the ending at all. But the game is a blast. It was fun when I was a kid and it is fun now. The only bad thing about it, is that it is a very short experience. And unless you are going for a perfect run, it has little replay value.

Still, this game is MUCH better than the arcade or the Genesis version. I gave the Genesis version a C-. I'm certain this game will get a much higher score.

Graphics:

The only area that this game suffers in comparison to the other versions is the graphics. This game looks less like a living cartoon neighborhood and more like a weird, sterile Tim Burton suburb you'd see in a movie like Edward Scissorhands. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if the people in the neighborhood are all robots or something like that.

The game looks fine. It's not pretty, it's not ugly. It's just very basic looking. If you are a graphics snob, you'd probably turn your nose up to this game. To me, I don't care, because the gameplay is what matters.

Sound:

There are only two musical tracks in the entire game, so you'd better get used to them. There's the calmer, more serene stage music, and then there is the faster paced, more hectic bonus stage music. You'll probably be hearing the serene stage music more often. I like it. It's a song from my childhood that always evokes warm memories.

Sound effects are nothing special. Lots of loud blang noises, like when you land a paper on a porch or mailbox, or knock over a target in a bonus stage. It can get grating after a while. One thing I always like to do is get a paper in the mailbox and on the porch at the same time. It makes this long protracted blaring sound. Otherwise the game is very quiet.

Overall:

I love this game. It is such a comfort game for me. I can pick this up anytime, anywhere, and immediately jump right into it. Right away, it brought me to my happy place when I started playing it. It's not a challenge, but it is not a complete cake walk either. It's perfectly balanced for me.

To me, this is the best version of Paperboy out there. Nothing else I've played has come close. Not the arcade version, the Genesis version, or any of the versions of the sequel, Paperboy 2. It's this one right here. That being said, I need to review Paperboy 2 at some point in the near future. I've only played it a small handful of times in my life, but never enough to the point where I could invest a lot of time into it. But I've always been intrigued by it, and how you can jump off ramps and deliver papers to both sides of the street. I digress.

Paperboy for the NES. One of my favorite games on the console. I can barely think of anything bad to say about it. Maybe that it is too short, too simple, too repetitive, and the graphics are inferior to the other versions. There also seems to be something about this game that other people don't like. Every time I have played this with someone else, they pick the game up, die right away, and then want to play something else. Maybe they'll give it a couple tries, but I've never seen someone become as invested in this game as I did when I was a kid. Am I the only one who likes the game?

THE GRADE:

A-

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #552: Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Super Nintendo

Nostalgia Factor:

I have an interesting history with this game. Growing up, my stepbrothers had a Super Nintendo, while I had a Sega Genesis. Sometimes when they'd visit on the weekends, they'd bring their Super Nintendo along. One time, they stopped at Blockbuster Video before coming over. They rented Super Return of the Jedi.

I knew that they were coming over to visit, and I was super excited to see what game they were going to rent. This may sound hard to believe for those who know me (because I've always been a Star Wars fan), but when I saw that they had rented this game, I was a little disappointed. As a Genesis kid, I was hoping for a more "definitive" Super Nintendo title, like Mario World or Super Metroid. But no. Instead, they got this game, which I did not know anything about and I had never heard of before. Obviously I knew what Return of the Jedi was, but I thought that this game was a flight sim or something like that.

Those worries went away almost as soon as I laid my eyes on the game. It was a 2D side scrolling action game, with big sprite Star Wars characters, along with music and locations from the game. I fell in love with this game, and ended up playing it with my stepbrother Kyle all weekend long. I find this hard to believe after playing this game (because it is so incredibly difficult), but I actually did beat this with him that weekend. I specifically remember the late stages of the game, like the Emperor Battle and the escape from the exploding Death Star. Way to go, youngster Dan. This game is tough!

It's funny that this is the last of the Super Star Wars games I am reviewing, because it is the first one I played. Not only that, but this is the game that got me re-interested in Star Wars again. I liked the movies as a kid, but then they kind of lost relevance for a while. People forget about that empty space between Return of the Jedi and Phantom Menace, but it was there. I played this game in the middle of that void. And like I said, it got me interested in the series again. I rewatched the movies on TV. I saw them in the theater when they were re-released. I collected the boxed VHS set. I read the expanded universe novels like the Heir to the Empire series and the Jedi Academy trilogy. I'd go on to play other Star Wars games like Tie Fighter, Shadows of the Empire, Dark Forces, and Rebel Assault II. To this day I still consider myself a Star Wars fan, even if some of the more recent content is a bit questionable. And that love was all kicked off by this game.

So yeah, I have an interesting history with the game. All that being said, this is the first time I've played it since that weekend with my stepbrother nearly 30 years ago. I was a bit lukewarm on the previous games in the Super Star Wars series, as they both got a B- from me. How would I feel about the third and final installment of the series? Would it do me proud from all those years ago when I was a kid? Let's find out.

Story:

This game follows the events of the movie Return of the Jedi. Obviously it takes some creative liberties, but that is to be expected due to the nonstop action nature of this game. Wait, you mean you don't remember when Chewbacca spun around like a tornado and knocked out Jabba the Hutt? Oh yeah, that's because it only happens here.

Gameplay:

This game's mechanics are very similar to the original two Super Star Wars games. I won't lie: I always turn the difficulty down to easy in these games. Normally, I am opposed to doing this, as I am someone who feels obligated to play the game the way it was intended, but I feel like I have to for these games. I always try the game on normal, but then I end up getting my ass kicked no matter what I do. I consider myself a decent gamer, but I just cannot for the life of me seem to be capable of figuring out a decent strategy for playing a Super Star Wars game. If I try to blaze through it, I take too much damage and get destroyed easily. If I move slowly, I get bogged down by a constant swarm of enemies. If I'm aggressive, I die. If I play defensively, I die. It just never quite feels fair, and so much is determined by random luck, like an enemy spawning in front of you when you are jumping over a bottomless pit. That's why I don't mind turning it down to easy in these games.

If I was grading these games based on normal difficulty, they'd get a below average score for being too difficult and frustrating. But on easy, they are quite enjoyable. And Super Return of the Jedi is no exception. I had a fun time blasting through these levels, switching off characters between Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewbacca - depending on the stage. You even play as Wicket the Ewok for a little bit in the middle of the game. I like how the outfits change depending on where you are in the story. You can play as Leia in both the bounty hunter outfit and the gold bikini when you are in Jabba's palace. Then it changes to the camouflage soldier gear later on when you are on Endor. It gives the game a feel of authenticity that is very charming. And let's be real, well needed. If you take the Star Wars name and property off this game, it becomes quite average.

I struggled with the controls. Some stages require precision platforming, and I found myself having a tough time with getting my character to do exactly what it is I want them to do. The nighttime Endor stage with Luke is quite frustrating because you can fall and have to do a five minute long platforming sequence to get to the top of the screen again. I often found myself getting frustrated by my character behaving erratically, like not high jumping or even jumping period when running towards a ledge. I'm not usually one to blame the controls for my own mistakes, but the gameplay mechanics here are undeniably sloppy.

There are some speeder/flying segments scattered throughout the game. Most of them are easy enough, but the game does get very difficult at the very end. The run into (and especially out of) the Death Star's innards are insanely tough. Even playing with  save states and trying to micromanage my mistakes, I still struggled with it. One slip up can cost you massively. It takes great patience and a lot of trial and error to get through these stages intact. I can't say they are particularly enjoyable.

 

Graphics:

This game looks sensational. It does a truly great job of bringing Return of the Jedi to life in a bright, cartoonish kind of way. No wonder it made me fall back in love with Star Wars as a kid. That magical feel of the film is translated wonderfully here. Just look at the screenshot above. This level in particular hit me right in the nostalgia feels. This was how I pictured Star Wars as a kid. This game made me feel that as an adult once again.

Sound:

The Star Wars soundtrack doesn't always translate well to 16-bit, but it does well-enough here. This is the third Super Star Wars game and it seems like they finally started to figure things out in this one. I was surprised at the number of musical tracks from the movie that made their way into the game. And they made everything sound pretty good! 

But it is the sound effects steal the show, however. Whether it is the firing of a blaster or the hum of a lightsaber as it slashes at your enemy, the game is constantly filled with the instantly recognizable sounds of a Star Wars battle. And I love it.

Overall:

Despite the game's obvious flaws, I couldn't help but have a good time with it. I'll admit I wasn't feeling it when I turned it on initially, but it quickly won me over. The Return of the Jedi paint that coats the entire game makes up for a lot of things.

I have to personally thank this game for getting me back into Star Wars when I was a kid. I'll always look back on this game with fond memories for this very reason. Who knew how life changing this game would be for me as a kid? And to think that I was disappointed when I saw that my stepbrothers had rented this from Blockbuster.

This game carries a lot of sentimental weight, in addition to looking and sounding great. Clearly, I am going to give this game a good review score. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention the jank controls, or the fact that the game is unplayable on its default difficulty settings. And is the gameplay really that good? It hasn't changed much from the original Super Star Wars. You'd think they've have worked out some of the kinks by now.

I have to admit that the actual gameplay is average at best. Maybe, maybe slightly above average. But when I look at the whole picture, this game is easily good enough to score in the B range. It'll be a B- like the other two games in the series, yeah, but it'll still be in the B range. If anything, these Super Star Wars games are remarkably consistent.

If I had to rank them from best to worst - I'd have to say that this one is the best. Then Empire. Then the original game. Now that I am done with them, will I ever play through them again in my lifetime? That's hard to say. I want to say yes, but I'm getting old, and I have sooo many other things to play. Plus, look back when I first reviewed Super Star Wars. It was January 23, 2015. Nearly ten years ago. If it took me ten years to make it through these three Super Star Wars games, I can only imagine how long it will take me to return to them again. I think the only way I come back will be if it is to show the games to my kid when he is older. But will I actually play through them to completion? I don't know.

THE GRADE:

B-

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

The 2024 Movie Ranking Countdown: It begins!

Hello everyone. If you've been following this blog at all (and let's be honest, you probably haven't), you would know that I have been going through all the movies I watched in 2024, and picking my five favorite from each month. At the end I was left with sixty movies, five from each month. Now it is time to rank them from least to most favorite.

Since I like the number fifty (it just has a better ring to it than sixty), I am going to immediately cut ten movies right off the bat. That's right, they aren't even going to make the cut at all. They are going to suffer the same fate as Jonathan and Wanda of Survivor Palau.

*Note regarding the movies I watched: they don't have to be movies released in 2024. I just need to have watched them at some point in the year 2024.

Baby bye bye:

Grave of the Fireflies

Jigsaw

Halloween

Dr Giggles

The Thing

Stephen King's IT miniseries

Glass

The Deer Hunter
Cloverfield

Transformers

How could such classics not make the cut? The Deer Hunter dragged on for far too long, and I didn't find myself as emotionally connected to it as I would have liked. Grave of the Fireflies has never connected with me emotionally for some reason, and I've seen it twice now. Same with The Thing. I love the premise and you'd think this would be right up my alley, but I get bored every time I give it a shot. Halloween, while a very good movie, is a lot of walking and driving around and a lot of yacking. I was bored with it. I also wasn't feeling the It miniseries for some reason, either. Oh well, it's a miniseries. It shouldn't really be here anyway.

The other movies were underwhelming as well.

You know what, I'm going to throw a curveball out there. I like the number fifty, but let's be real: I don't have time to sit here and write down what I think about fifty damn movies. I have a four year old. I barely have time to use the bathroom. So I'm going to trim ten more off the list. That's right, we're making this a top forty.

Baby bye bye:

Dune: Part Two
Legends of the Fall

Eden Lake
Saw

Grizzly Man

The Purge

The Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker

The Menendez Brothers

Rear Window 

The Disaster Artist

I thought Dune 2 was not as good as the first movie, and I fell asleep during it. It was okay. I plan to watch it again before the third one comes out. Maybe my mind will change. Legends of the Fall is good but doesn't leave as much of an impact as it probably thinks it does. I liked The Disaster Artist, but I think I would have appreciated it more if I was a Room fan. The rest of the movies are good but not good enough to make the top forty. The ones I feel the worst about are Rear Window and Grizzly Man. Those movies deserve some love.


That will do it for today. Starting soon I will began ranking the top 40 movies I watched in 2024! Listed below are the participants. Who do you think will win?

Last Night
The Help
The Greatest Night in Pop

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Doctor Sleep
A Star is Born
Mystic River

Forrest Gump
Stand By Me
Dune (1984)
Dune: Part One
As Above, So Below
The Shape of Water
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition
Ghost
Milk
Platoon

Deadpool & Wolverine
Sleeping with the Enemy
Fried Green Tomatoes
The Four Falls of Buffalo
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
Open Water
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Old
Bone Tomahawk
Manhunter
Dumb and Dumber
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
The Skeleton Key
The Illusionist
The Prestige
The Terminator
Trauma (2017)
Milo and Otis

Martyrs (2008)
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Extended Edition
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

Gerald's Game

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Re-Review #19: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

PlayStation 3

For my initial review of the game, click >here<

I have been planning to return to this game for a while now. While Uncharted 3 has always been a well-regarded game critically, I've always considered it to be the worst game in the Uncharted series. Looking back at when I reviewed it in 2015 (the last time I played this game), I simply called it "aiiight."

Has my opinion changed in the last nine years? Actually, it has! The game is not boring and completely devoid of action, like I had initially thought. I think my problem with the game is the lack of big, cinematic set pieces (like the train scene in Uncharted 2). Plus, the environments in the game can be a bit drab. Lots of deserts and underground tunnels. So visually, it is not exciting as the other games in the series. In many ways it feels like the game takes a step back from the previous installment. It's almost like this game should be Uncharted 2, while Uncharted 2 should be Uncharted 3. If that makes sense.

But it is still a fun game! I picked this up and beat it in less than a week. Basically, every free moment I had (and I don't have a lot of them), I spent with this game. I wouldn't "binge" a game like this if I thought it was boring or dull. I'd set it aside and it would take me months to finish it. I wouldn't keep coming back to it like I did here.

This is a re-review, and these are supposed to be short, so don't expect me to break down the story or the gameplay for you. You can read my old review if you want that. I'm just here to tell you if my opinion has changed or not. And it definitely has. While I still would not consider it one of the best in the series (2 and 4 are the best for me), it may have earned its spot above the OG Uncharted on my hierarchy.

It's a good looking game. It's fun. It kept me glued to my TV. It may not be the best game in the Uncharted series, but it is still pretty darned good.

MY reGRADE:

B

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

Video Game Review #551: Battletoads

Battletoads

Arcade

Before playing:

I've played the NES version of Battletoads in the past, but in all my travels I have surprisingly never encountered the arcade version of the game. I visited a lot of arcades in my youth and not once did I run into it. Huh. Well, I finally decided that, thanks to the power of emulation, I would be able to give this game a shot.

Coming in, all I really knew about Battletoads was that this game was a 100% beat 'em up, as opposed to the NES game which was filled with platforming action. Which version of the game would I end up liking more? Let's find out!

Story:

Not much is really explained in the game. You pick a Battletoad. You're shown a screenshot of your character talking trash to an enemy character. You're tossed into the level, where you have to battle through hordes of enemies. You fight the boss character, who is the person you exchanged barbs with at the beginning of the level. You beat them. The cycle repeats the next level. Trash talk. Stage. Boss fight. Repeat. There's not much connective tissue behind the stages. Each stage's introduction reminds me a bit of a wanted poster. Are the Battletoads bounty hunters? What's going on?

At the end of the game, it says that you've thwarted the Dark Princess's plans to control the galaxy. Oh okay, well that's cool. Care to elaborate? No, the game doesn't.

Gameplay:

On the surface this is a straightforward beat 'em up. But once you start to settle in, you discover that things are a little unusual here. The first thing to jump out at me was the over the top animation style. How when you are punching an enemy, you'll grow a big hammer for a fist, or your foot will turn into a big spiked boot as you kick them. You can also perform some gruesome, over the top finishing animations when defeating an enemy. Once you get over the initial surprise of this, you'll discover that Battletoads really is not much different from a normal beat 'em up. You fight through a ton of enemies, picking up weapons and destroying things in the background. Each stage ends in a boss battle.

There are a few variations in gameplay you'll encounter. The second level introduces some platforming mechanics to the mix. There is also an arcade-shooter type stage at the end of the game. This might sound familiar if you've played the NES version of Battletoads. But don't worry, this is a completely different game. It shares some similarities, but it is more focused on the beat 'em up aspect of things. It is also much easier. Just keep putting in quarters, and you'll power your way through it eventually.

While the game is fun, I have to say it gets repetitive quickly. I know, I know. Most beat 'em ups get repetitive after a while. The reason I criticize this game is because of how it overstays its welcome. The game felt like it would never end. I kept thinking: "is this game over yet? Is it over yet?" every time I would finish a level. But it just keeps going and going. And the levels themselves are long, too. It is the longest beat 'em up I have ever played. It definitely begins to feel like it after a while. It's never a good thing when the person playing a game wants it to be over.

The game tells you how long it took you to beat it at the end, and it took me a total of 1 hour and 2 minutes to beat this. That's just crazy to me. Over an hour to complete an arcade beat 'em up??

As much as I wanted to like this game, it just gets too tedious after a while. I mean, it's an okay beat 'em up. I can see they put a lot of work into the graphics and the presentation. But is it really that fun? Meh.

Graphics:

The graphics are probably the best thing about this game. They stand out immediately. The first level drops you into the middle of an epic battle in outer space, and I was a big fan of that. The toads are big, colorful, and well animated. The enemies look great. The environments look great. The presentation is top of the line. It's like a Saturday morning cartoon brought to life. No doubt I would have been drawn to this game if I had encountered it in the arcades as a kid.

Sound:

Honestly, I don't remember much about the sound. I finished this game a couple of days ago (I'm late writing the review) and in that short amount of time, the game's music has already slipped out of my mind. I couldn't name a track from this game to save my life.

That said, I do remember vibing with the look, feel, and presentation of the game - and that includes the music, too. So it must not have been that bad.

Overall:

I really wanted to enjoy this game. It has all the fixings of something you'd think I would like. It looks the part. It feels the part. Too bad it's just not a whole lot of fun to play. I mean, it's fun for the first ten minutes. Maybe even the first twenty. But for the first hour and two minutes? Give me a break. An arcade beat 'em up should never be that long. If this had been the home version, I may have had a different mindset. I wouldn't mind if the game was a little longer, as it would be more bang for your buck. But not the arcade version. This is the complete opposite.

I'm going to rank this is a below average game. But I did like it more than the original Battletoads, which I gave a D+. And I do have to admit, the game is fun (for a while) and it looks great. So I have no problem giving it a....

THE GRADE:

C-

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

>HERE<

15 things that brought me joy in 2024

Approximately one year ago, I made one of my most successful blog posts to date. Not that that's saying much. But it was a rundown of the top 15 things to bring me joy in 2023. Want to read it? Check it out >HERE<

I had such a good time doing it, I decided to do it again here in 2024. How many things will be different? How many will stay the same? Let's take a look, shall we?

X-Men '97

TV Show

Being a child of the 90s, the X-Men cartoon was a large part of my development. I absolutely loved this series, and this series is my basis for which I've judged all X-Men projects that have come out since. When I heard they were rebooting the series in 2023, I was skeptical at first. But as soon as I started playing the first episode and that sweet, sweet theme song started playing, I knew I had no reason to be skeptical.

This series was everything I could have hoped for, and more. Shocking deaths, giant plot twists, it had it all. I can't wait for season 2 to come out. In the meantime, I'm sure I'll be bingeing this show again - since the first time I had to wait a whole week for each episode to come out. I bet I will like it even more without having to wait and being able to watch at my own pace. 

 

The Devil's Plan

TV show

I remember seeing this on my Netflix recommendation list. A Korean reality show where a group of super smart contestants compete in a series of brain challenging games. I like reality shows, but the premise did not appeal to me. I'm dumb. What do I care about brain challenging games?

It wasn't until I saw Mario Lanza posting about this show, and how good it is, that I decided to give it a chance. I generally trust his recommendations. Turns out, the show was much better than I ever could have imagined. The games are super complex and my eyes often glazed over when they were explaining the rules, but I still liked it. Great cast, great twists, and a very unusual format that I am not used to seeing in reality shows. I just found it so intriguing from start to finish. It is hard to truly explain this game, as there is so much going on in it. Even the house itself, and the game pieces they win during the games, are part of a larger twist. I suggest watching it for yourself to see what I am talking about. You can thank me later.

Dynasty Fantasy Football

This made my list last year, and honestly it will probably make my list every year until the day I die. I am obsessed with dynasty football. Not just regular fantasy (which I still enjoy) but dynasty. Build a team, make trades, decide who you want to keep in the offseason, research all the incoming rookies, etc. 2024 was the year I became completely engrossed in dynasty football. It was year 2 of my home dynasty league for friends and family, and I was the #1 scoring team all season just to lose in the championship game. But you know what? In dynasty, you never stop playing. I'm already seeking out trade partners for next season, and ways to move up in the draft. I probably won't stop thinking about dynasty all year long, even though there is 8 months left until next season starts up.

Special shout out to a few podcasts I listen to, which include Dynasty Happy Hour, The FF Dynasty, and Fantasy Football Happy Hour with Mathew Berry. It is where I get all the intel on the incoming rookie class, and how I know who to keep an eye on during the season in case an impatient manager drops them off their team. It didn't help me win this year, but they are always fun to listen to, even in the offseason. Especially in the offseason.

The Terminator

Franchise

I became obsessed with the Terminator in 2024. The whole franchise. I have always liked the Terminator, but this year was different. It started with the Sarah Connor Chronicles. I started watching it on a whim, and found that I really liked it. It left me wanting more, so I set out to watch all the movies. I didn't make it through all the movies (I only had time to watch 1-3 before the year ended), but I still had a great time with them.

I found that my favorite movie in the series was the first, which was a surprise because I always loved T2 growing up. But the original is definitely the best movie. It's tense, it's atmospheric, and I love the grittiness and the sheer horror of it all, if you are looking at it through the eyes of Sarah Connor. Truly a brilliant film. T2 is great as well, but I found myself more impressed by T3 than I ever have been in the past. I always thought it was kind of a shit movie, but I actually really enjoyed it this time around. Who knew?

I'm going to be watching the remaining movies in the franchise in 2025. I don't remember any of those movies being particularly good, but maybe they will surprise me.

The Edge of Sleep

Podcast

Up until I listened to this, I had only listened to non-fiction podcasts. This one kept popping up as "something I might like", so I finally gave it a shot. It was only ten episodes or so, and all the episodes were short. It would not be a giant time commitment.

I had not been listening to story based podcasts because my attention span is so terrible. It's one of the reasons I can't listen to books on tape either. But for some reason, I don't have that trouble with non-fiction podcasts that do not have a story. Turns out, I was missing out! I instantly fell in love with the Edge of Sleep, and consumed the whole thing in less than a week. I would set aside time for it when everyone in the house would go to bed, just so I could listen to it unbothered. It kind of sucks there is not a season 2, as it leaves you on a cliffhanger. I noticed that this was recently made into an Amazon show, so maybe the show will prompt the podcast to start up again. Either way, I freaking loved this.

The Edge of Sleep inspired me to listen to a few other fictional, story based podcasts well. One that almost made the list is called Museum of the Missing, which I thought was freaking great. There were several misses, however, like Carrier and Birds of Empire. I just couldn't get into them. 

A Star is Born

Movie

This movie has been out for several years now, and I have never had ANY interest in watching it. It just didn't seem like something that I would enjoy. Then I stumbled upon a spoiler about the fate of Bradley Cooper's character, and how this movie left so many people who watched it in tears. Okay, now it had my attention. I'm an emotionless bastard, so I am always on the lookout for something that will provoke some sort of emotional reaction from me.

I sat down and watched this movie, and holy crap, I loved it. It did indeed provoke an emotional reaction from me. I was in tears almost half the entire movie. The tears started when Gaga joined Cooper onstage to sing her original song Shallow. I sat there with a big dopey grin on my face, with tears flowing from my eyes, watching her get up there and get to live out her dream. And not only live it, but excel at it. That scene in particular is one of the most wonderful cinematic moments I think I've ever seen. The rest of the movie is great, too. The music is just phenomenal. I listened to this soundtrack for weeks after I was done with the film. I watched this movie in January of 2024, and it became one of my first big obsessions of the year. Mock me all you want for liking a somewhat girlie romantic movie, but I don't care. I love it, love it, love it.

Dune

Franchise

I've known of Dune for years and years now, but I've always dismissed it as something I would not like. Every time I would research it, I would think "wow this sounds so dry and boring." As a result, I never really gave it much of a chance.

With the success of the new movies in the theaters, I finally decided to give Dune a shot, starting with the first Timothee Chalamet movie. And holy crap, I loved it. It hits you with a lot of lore right off the bat, but once I was able to get my mind around who was who and what was going on, I became glued to the screen. Almost reminded me a bit of Game of Thrones, but in space.

After watching the first movie, I went back and watched the David Lynch film - which I also enjoyed. Then I saw Dune Part Two. Shockingly, I was not in love with this movie, even though the reviews seem to indicate it is the best Dune movie. I can't wait for part three to come out. I will have to see that one in the theater for sure. In the meantime, don't be shocked to see me watching the first two films again to refresh my memory. Maybe you will see this on my list again next year?

Rufus Wainwright

Musician

I have been a big Rufus fan since 2001, when I first listened to his initial album off of a bootleg cassette tape at my ex-girlfriend's house. Over the next few years I continued to follow Rufus, buying all of his CDs up through Want Two. It was then that I stopped caring about him and moved onto other things. Rufus's CDs have sat in my collection untouched for nearly 20 years... until my kid came along.

He went through a phase where he was obsessed with CDs. He would put in nearly all of our CDs one at a time, listening to them, and determining which ones he liked the best. As luck would have it, Rufus Wainwright was one of the artists he fixated on.

It was really nice being reintroduced to Rufus after such a long hiatus. I was able to fall in love with his music all over again. So many songs brought back so many memories from a time in my life that I can barely remember. On the flip side, it was also very nice making new Rufus memories with my little four year old. He listened to these CDs so many times, he nearly wore them out. A few favorites of his were "Old Horse Dying" and "Oh What a World." I work from home, so it was always a treat to hear a Rufus CD firing up in the other room, because my son decided to listen to him. Nice background music. This prompted me to check out all the CDs that I missed since Want Two came out.  Not surprisingly, those are good too. 2024 was the year of Rufus Wainwright in our household... until it wasn't. My son's CD fixation abruptly vanished towards the end of the year, and he moved onto other things. We haven't really listened to Rufus since. I have a feeling this is not the end of Rufus in our household, though. 

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon

Video Game

This game began as an innocuous purchase of a random cheap game on my PS4. I thought "oh hey that game looks like Castlevania, and it is only two dollars" and I bought it. Little did I know it would become one of my biggest video game obsessions of 2024. 

This is a Castlevania game for the NES in everything but in name. Gameplay, graphics, presentation, check check check. It's an incredibly well done game. Challenging, but never overwhelmingly so. I enjoyed how you can recruit new members as you play, and how each new member has a unique strength they bring to the table. I had a blast playing through this the first time. And then I discovered that the game has multiple endings, all dependent on how you played the game and how many people you recruited/ignored/killed. I ended up playing through this game about four or five times. If you know me, you know that is something I NEVER do. I usually beat a game once and then I move on.

So that shows you I must have really enjoyed this game. And I truly did. It feels right at home with the classic NES Castlevania games. Not only is it a fun nostalgia fueled trip, it is a heck of a game too. I love it. Heck, I may fire it up again in 2025. I still have one ending left.

The Challenge

TV Series

The Challenge made my list back in 2023, and it makes my list again in 2024. There's just something that is infinitely watchable with this show. It never gets old. It's kind of trashy and not the usual type of reality TV I like, but damn if it is not entertaining.

I began watching this series "Memento style", meaning I started at the end with all the spinoffs and started making my way backward through the main series. I stalled out at season 35, because Paramount Plus does not have that season, and I can't seem to find it anywhere online. This sucks, because I'm a completionist who would rather stop watching something than skip a season and continue on. Not gonna happen. So hopefully I am able to find it online somewhere soon! I heard the show is hard to find because a contestant on it got canceled for something. If so, that is horribly asinine. Let us watch it and make our own decisions. You can't undo history!

The Retrograde

Podcast

The Retrograde makes my list for the second year in a row. Of all the podcasts I listen to, it is the most "listenable" - if that makes sense. I can put it on when I am watching my kid, when I am driving, when I am by myself. Literally any time I can put this on and enjoy the podcast. It's funny, it's entertaining, and it is easy to enjoy. Of all the podcasts I listen to, it is probably the one I am listening to the fastest. 

Unlike other podcasts, I can multitask when this is going on, and if I miss something, it doesn't really matter much. That's what I like about this podcast. You can just turn your brain off and listen to it. That's right, this podcast is for brainless people, and I am guilty as charged.

Survivor

TV Series

Survivor made the list last year, and it makes it again this year. Let's be real, Survivor is never going to not make this list. I love Survivor. It's one of my comfort shows that I come back to time after time. I am currently in the middle of yet another rewatch. One that started when I began listening to the Survivor Historians podcast about 3 or 4 years ago. I have now outpaced the podcast, and am in the middle of season 27 - Blood vs Water. 

When I am not rewatching old seasons of Survivor, I am watching the current seasons, as there are always two per year. And I have been watching foreign seasons as well, such as Australia, UK, and South Africa. There's always Survivor to watch somewhere. If it exists and it is Survivor, I am going end up watching it.

Yellowjackets

TV Series

I watched the first season of Yellowjackets back when it first came out. I vaguely remember liking the show, but I was never really that super into it. I was a brand new dad back then and I had a lot going on in my life. I think I was only half paying attention to the show and not giving it the attention it deserved.

I've heard the show gets better and better, so I decided to come back and start it from the beginning, not season 2. I could not remember much about it and I figured I would need the refresher. Turns out, this was a great move, as I absolutely loved the show the second time around. I flew through the first ten episodes in record time. I am soooo ready to move onto season two, but I am making myself wait until I finish a few other things I have started (like House of the Dragon and Killing Eve). It's a delayed satisfaction thing. But yeah, this is one of the best shows I've seen in a long time.

Squid Game

TV Series

I rewatched the first season of Squid Game in preparation for season 2 coming out late in the year. I first watched the show when it originally came out. I liked the show, but I figured I could use the refresher, so I watched it again. I enjoyed it even more the second time around. Almost the exact same thing I said about Yellowjackets!

Season 2 of Squid Game came and it wasn't as great as the first season, but I still highly enjoyed it. I can't wait for season 3. I'm a big fan of the series, and if you have a good memory, you'll remember that Squid Game: The Challenge made it to this list in 2023. What an accomplishment for Squid Game: back to back appearances on my "Things that brought me joy" list.

The Help

Movie

I've seen this movie twice in the past, and both times I only mildly enjoyed it. I gave it another shot in 2024. I don't know what changed. Maybe it's just me being older, or maybe I was too distracted by Candy Crush when I had watched the movie in the past. But wow, I really loved it this time around. I was drawn in instantly. I connected with the characters. It's filmed beautifully. It is touching. There is never a dull moment. This movie resonated with me in every single way possible. I loved it. 

Look for this movie, as well as A Star is Born, to finish highly on my year end movie rankings.

Runner ups:

Heavy Rain video game

Only Murders in the Building

Good Mythical Morning

Museum of the Missing podcast

Batman: The Animated Series

Killing Eve tv series

Fallout tv show

Parasite Eve video game

Big Brother tv show

The Cartridge Club podcast

Collateral Gaming and Collateral Cinema podcasts

Jurassic Park the book

The Amazing Race tv show

Staff Picks podcast

Arcade Attack podcast

The 7th Rule podcast

The Losers' Club podcast

Saw franchise

Sonic Frontiers video game