Thursday, September 17, 2020
Video Game Review #239: Final Fantasy VIII
Tuesday, September 8, 2020
Video Game Review #238: Goldeneye 007: Reloaded
Nostalgia Factor:
I have a bone to pick with this game. Look at the back of its case. “The Bond adventure that began it all returns. Refined. Recharged. Reloaded.”
Having never even heard of this game before, I jumped to the only logical conclusion there was – that this was a remake of the original Goldeneye for the Nintendo 64, but with updated graphics. The pictures on the back of the box even seemed to support that theory.
I loved the original Goldeneye. It’s one of my all-time favorite shooters. Take that game and give it updated graphics and gameplay? I was in. I was so in. I gladly shelled out my hard-earned dollars to pick this game up. It was like a dream come true!
It took me about five minutes of playing to realize that I’d made a horrible mistake. Aside from a few incidental similarities, this game was NOTHING like its Nintendo 64 predecessor. It wasn’t a remake at all. It was a completely different game entirely. And a shitty one at that.
Before I get too far ahead of myself, I guess I should break this game down for you.
*sigh*
Story:
This game is a reimagining of the original Goldeneye, but set in present time as opposed to the 90s. Pierce Brosnan has been replaced by Daniel Craig. All the old and outdated technology in the original game and movie have been replaced by sleek modern day equipment. Bond uses a smart phone, if that gives you any indication what kind of game this is.
Reloaded follows the same basic, BASIC plot of the original Goldeneye, but with massive liberties taken, to the point where it isn’t even recognizable anymore. The second stage takes place in a dance club where you have to walk around and scan people’s faces, looking for one person in particular. It’s fucking stupid and I hate it. Where was this in the movie or the N64 game? This isn’t Goldeneye. If you wanted to make a Craig Bond game set in modern times, don’t manipulate people using the Goldeneye name to do it. Make a new fucking game. It just gets worse and worse the longer you play.
Yeah, I’m getting angry already. The rest of this review is going to be fun, isn’t it?
Gameplay:
OK, so they took major liberties with the original game’s storyline. At least its gameplay is good, right?
RIGHT?
No. It’s awful. The original Goldeneye broke barriers with how interactive its game world was. Unique missions, bullet holes in the wall, equipment that blew up when you shot at it, enemies that reacted differently depending on where on their body you shot them. This game takes away all those fun little touches. You run around you shoot people with no nuance whatsoever. Shooting them in the middle of the body does the same amount of damage that shooting them in the arm does. It’s stupid. The game holds your hand too much too. Just point in the direction of your enemy and shoot, and the game’s auto aim will take care of the rest.
Hordes of enemies swarm you, so you shoot them a couple times until they fall over and they are all dead. Then you move on to the next section of the game and you do the same. Every once in a while you have to pull out your phone and walk around at a snail's pace looking for something to scan, so that you can pass your mission. There’s no variety. There’s no fun or joy to be found here. It’s a by-the-numbers boring and generic shooter with no personality whatsoever.
Oh wait, I lied about there being no variety. There is a tank level that plays out similar to a rail-shooter like Star Fox or Panzer Dragoon, and it isn't that bad.
Graphics:
I guess I can finally say something good about this game. Daniel Craig looks fine as Bond. The environments and the interiors of this game look really nice. There is nothing eye-popping or beautiful about this game’s graphics, but they do the job. If the game was any fun to play – these graphics would suffice 100%.
My main gripe is what they did with the character models. Alec Trevelyan (006) is just some boring and generic looking white guy with no discernible traits whatsoever. Xenia Onatopp is a boring and generic looking white woman with no discernible traits whatsoever. Natalya Simonova is a boring and generic looking white woman with no discernible traits… are we noticing a pattern here? I’m sure noticing it. They did these characters dirty. They truly did. No personality, nothing distinctive about them, they’re just plain boring. It’s a shame.
And Boris…. don’t even get me started on Boris. Oh wait, Boris isn’t even in this game – so I can’t get started on him.
*sigh*
Sound:
I mean, this game’s sound is fine. Nothing stood out to me as particularly good or bad either way. Music and sound effects: serviceable. Certainly no music tracks are as iconic as what you’d hear in the N64 game, but that goes without saying. Just like everything else in this game – its music is boring and doesn’t do anything to make it stand out from the crowd.
Credit where credit is due: I loved hearing the Tina Turner Goldeneye theme at the beginning of the game and during the end credits. This is one of my favorite Bond theme songs, and I totally didn’t expect to hear it in this game. I was pleasantly surprised.
Perhaps the only pleasant surprise this game has to offer.
Overall:
In case you can’t tell, I didn’t enjoy this game. It’s painfully boring and generic, and it does nothing to advance the first person shooter genre. I would have had a much better time just going back and playing the original Goldeneye than playing this. This game brings nothing to the table. NOTHING. Seriously. I played it just for the sake of beating it, not because I actually enjoyed it. Now that I am done with the game I plan to trade it in and get rid of it. I am certainly never going to play it again. Why bother?
The only thing keeping it from a failing score is that if you strip this game of the Goldeneye title and all its Bond elements, I probably wouldn’t have hated it as much as I did. I mean, it still wouldn’t have been very good, but at least I wouldn’t be angry at it for trying to trick me into thinking it was going to be as good as the original.
Don’t play this game. Whether you like the original Goldeneye or not, it is just flat out not worth your time. There are so many better options out there.
Wednesday, September 2, 2020
Video Game Review #237: Ecco the Dolphin
Nostalgia Factor:
Back in the early 90s, I remember being quite intrigued by the premise of Ecco the Dolphin. What ten year old kid wouldn’t be interested in a video game where you play as a dolphin? It was such a fascinating concept to me.
I knew a couple of kids at my school who had played the game before I ever had the chance to, however, and none of them liked it very much. The list of complaints was long. The controls sucked. They couldn’t figure out what to do. The game was too hard. There wasn’t enough action. Blah blah blah.
The complaints were almost enough to turn me off from even giving the game a try. Luckily, I got the game either as a birthday or Christmas present and quickly fell in love with it. All the complainers were wrong. Ecco the Dolphin was a great game!
Does it hold up in 2020? It actually does. I had a really good time revisiting this game. Read on for more details.
Story:
I have to say, this is one of the most unique video game stories I have ever encountered. You play as a playful, happy dolphin named Ecco. Ecco is swimming along with his pack and enjoying life when one day all nearby life is sucked out of the ocean into a giant funnel cloud. Ecco is left as the sole survivor, and he swims off to explore the sea in the hopes of recovering his lost pack.
Ecco’s journeys lead him across the ocean to the lost city of Atlantis. Reading ancient glyphs, Ecco discovers that a mysterious alien civilization named the Vortex has been feeding off of Earth’s oceans for 500 years. Ecco uses ancient Atlantean technology to travel 55 million years into the past, to help his friend the Asterite find his missing orb.
Returning to present day, Ecco gives the Asterite its missing orb and is rewarded with the abilities to both breathe underwater and to damage the Vortex with his sonar ability. Ecco returns to the point in time where his pack is sucked into the funnel cloud, and makes sure he is sucked up with them this time around. Fighting the Vortex on their own turf, Ecco defeats the Vortex Queen and vanquishes the threat once and for all…. (or at least until this game’s amazing sequel).
Pretty different, huh?
Gameplay:
This game takes place from a 2D side-scrolling perspective. Controlling Ecco, you can move through the water in all directions. One of the buttons increases your speed as you swim. Another is an attack that launches you toward enemies so you can smash them with your bottle nose. The last button control controls your sonar. You can use this sonar to talk to other sea creatures and interact with ancient glyphs. Hold down the sonar button to use echolocation, which gives you a brief, undetailed map of the area. As the game goes on, you can use your sonar to damage enemies. Just don’t expect this ability right away.
There is a learning curve to this game. You will need to jump out of the water and over obstacles from time to time, and the trick to this involves building up speed and timing your charge attack at just the right time (and the right angle) to launch yourself out of the water. All my friends struggled with this when I was a kid, and I think that’s one of the main reasons none of them liked this game.
Another thing that makes life difficult is your oxygen meter. Ecco is a dolphin, and dolphins need to come out of the water to breathe oxygen. As you play, your oxygen meter will slowly deplete. Run out of oxygen, and your health bar will start to rapidly drain. So if you want to be successful playing this game, you’re going to have to keep that oxygen bar replenished or you will not last long. Not only are you solving puzzles, exploring, and fighting enemies, you have to do it all against the clock. Another reason people probably think this game is just SO difficult.
I hate to be that guy, but I never found this game to be that hard. You have to be patient, you have to make sure you’ve got enough oxygen, you’ve got to keep track of where you have been and where you need to go. It really isn’t that bad at all. I do have to acknowledge that the end of the game is pretty tough. The Vortex tunnel and the ensuing Welcome to the Machine stage are extreme trial and error and can get frustrating fast. If you die against the game’s final boss, you have to go back and do it all over again, too. Oof.
Graphics:
This game has aged pretty well! The graphics are bright and colorful. The backgrounds are vibrant. The sea creatures you encounter are well-designed and look like they belong there. Ecco himself is well-designed and well-animated. The deeper into the game you go, it develops a very atmospheric, almost haunting feel that I think is just really fantastic.
Two thumbs up to this game’s graphics.
Sound:
The game sounds really fantastic, too. Ecco’s soundtrack is very iconic to me. So many awesome tracks that I had forgotten all about. But boy did they bring back memories. As I played I looked forward to hearing each stage’s music. It’s very atmospheric and works perfectly in tandem with the game’s graphics to deliver a wonderfully unique experience.
Sound effects are good too. It’s really easy to believe you’re really a dolphin zooming around on the bottom of the ocean. Who would have thought a 16-bit video game about a dolphin would deliver such an authentic marine experience?
Overall:
I think this game gets a bad rap. It’s fun. It’s so much fun.
The controls are perfect. The graphics are great, the music and sound effects are great. The story is fascinating. The world of the game is just so haunting and beautiful.
I loved exploring the big stages. I loved solving all the puzzles, I loved finding the nearest glyph to unlock the next area. I enjoyed the big variety of enemies you have to fight. Yeah it can be tough to figure out what you are supposed to do sometimes, but once you figure out how this game works and everything clicks, it quickly becomes second nature.
Each stage is a unique challenge in its own right. You can’t just blast your way through them like most early 90’s Genesis games. You have to use your head. Need to get to the ocean floor but there’s a strong current pushing you upwards? Try nudging a boulder over the edge of the cliff and following it down. A pile of rocks blocking your way? Look for something you can use to knock them over. The feeling of satisfaction you get when you solve a particularly difficult puzzle can be quite rewarding.
I was worried that I wasn’t going to enjoy this game very much when I fired it up earlier in the week. But for a game that is nearly 30 years old, it is still very enjoyable to play. The only reason I don’t give it an A+ is because I still have to play its sequel, and if memory serves me right I enjoyed the sequel much more than I did the original game. So as much as I love this game, I know that it can get even better. And for that I am really excited. I CAN’T WAIT to play it. Such an underrated series.
If you liked this review, check out some of my other game reviews: