Video Game Review #512: Mega Man: The Wily Wars

Mega Man: The Wily Wars

Sega Genesis

Nostalgia Factor:

I've always been a casual fan of the Mega Man series. When I was a kid, I never had a Mega Man game, but whenever I would visit a friend who had one, I would always want to play it. Since I didn't own any of the games, my Mega Man experience never evolved past the first two games in the series. But as an adult, I did go out and buy the Anniversary Collection for the GameCube, which has a ton of games on it. 

Even though I bought this collection disc like 20 years ago, I STILL haven't dived too deep into it. My experience always stalls out after the first three Mega Man games, and I haven't gone any farther than that. It's always been on the back of my mind that I need to fire up Mega Man 4 and keep going, but for some reason I never have.

Unrelated, I recently became aware of Mega Man: The Wily Wars for the Sega Genesis. I had a Genesis as a kid, but I had never heard about this game. Apparently it is a remake of the first three NES Mega Man games, with some original content tacked on at the end. The first three Mega Man games, eh? The three I am familiar with. I decided that before I would move onto Mega Man 4, I'd tackle this one first. Then I could finally put those first three Mega Man games completely behind me and be able to move into uncharted territory.

So here we go: Wily Wars. This is my first time through it. How would I feel about the game? Let's dive in!

*pssst, for a look at what I thought about these games originally, follow the links below

Mega Man
Mega Man 2

Mega Man 3

Story:

If you are looking for a deep story, you've come to the wrong place. The premise of all three Mega Man games is pretty much the same: defeat Dr. Wily and his army of robots. 

Wily Wars tacks on some original stages to the end of the original Mega Man trilogy. But guess what you do in these extra stages? Defeat Wily and his army of robots. At the end of the game, his castle crumbles to dust.

The end. I can finally move onto Mega Man 4. I wonder what will happen in that one?

Gameplay:

I want to keep this short, because I've already reviewed the original three Mega Man games. Aside from the graphical overhaul, the games found here are pretty much the same (gameplaywise) as the NES versions. Nothing has changed. I'm sure there are some diehard Mega Man fans out there, chomping at the bit to tell me how wrong I am. But as a more casual fan of the series, I didn't notice much of a difference from the NES classics.

If anything, I found Wily Wars to be a bit easier. I didn't struggle nearly as much as I thought I would, particularly on Mega Man 3. In my initial review of the game, I said it was the hardest Mega Man game I've played. But this time around, I found it to be the easiest. Was it because I'd just gotten through playing I and II in rapid succession? Maybe.

The more I played, the easier the game became. I thought to myself multiple times - has Mega Man always been this easy, or am I just getting good at it? Or is this version easier than the NES version? Regardless, I made my way through this whole trilogy (and the additional content) pretty quickly.

Graphics:

I am a fan of the graphical upgrades made here. The game retains the same look and feel of the original, but with expanded detail and a more robust color scheme. The background design of the stages look great. Some of the bonus levels are very beautiful and really make you long for an original Genesis Mega Man game. I bet it would have looked really good.

Sound:

The music here is good, but not as good as the original Mega Man games. Those games have a rawness to their soundtracks. Each song sound like it is really going for it hard. This game lacks that edge. It sounds more like a typical Genesis game, heavily influenced by Sonic the Hedgehog. That's not necessarily a bad thing. If the original Mega Man games didn't exist, I'd probably be praising this game's soundtrack. It's good, but not the masterpiece it was on the NES.

Overall:

Ya know, I had a pretty good time with this game. I came into it expecting it to be a half-assed remake of the original trilogy, but it is just as good as those other games. There's additional content to be found at the end, too. What's not to love?

The only negative from my side is more of a "me" problem than a problem with the game: I'm finding as the years pass that I am becoming less and less of a Mega Man fan. I loved these games as a kid. And even as an adult, I enjoyed revisiting Mega Man 1 and 2 for my blog. I gave those games an A and an A+ respectively. But I am quickly discovering that everything after Mega Man 2 is just "more of the same." They can give you new enemies to fight, new powers to gain, new items to use, but it is still the same old Mega Man at heart.

That's my struggle, here. I liked the game, and I have given it a favorable review so far. But without question - Wily Wars is 100% more of the same. Not gonna lie, things started to get a bit stale for me by the end of my time with the game. Overall, I liked it - and it is going to get a pretty good grade from me. But this doesn't bode well for Mega Man 4, or any other Mega Man games I will play in the future. I've never touched a Mega Man X game, so maybe those will be the change of pace I'm looking for. Anyway, Wily Wars is good. Play it if you have the means.

THE GRADE:

B+

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Video Game Review #511: Psychonauts

Psychonauts

PlayStation 2

Nostalgia Factor:

I first played Psychonauts back in 2005 or 2006, shortly after the game first came out. I remember being somewhat unimpressed with the game. I expected to enjoy it in the same manner I had enjoyed other 3D platforming games, like Super Mario 64 or Banjo-Kazooie. I found this game to be a lot more tedious, however. Don't get me wrong - I liked the game. I also liked the creative stage design and some of the ideas the game brought forward. But I would be lying to myself if I said I had a blast playing it. The controls weren't very good and I always found myself getting stuck and not knowing what to do next.

After I beat the game, I ended up trading in my copy at a used video game store. Nearly 20 years have passed and I still hadn't revisited Psychonauts... until now! In the last few years I've been hearing more and more about how this game is a cult classic, and how it is an underappreciated gem. People nowadays don't hesitate to mention this game in the same breath as Banjo-Kazooie and Super Mario 64. That runs contrary to my memories of the game, so I decided to take the plunge and revisit Psychonauts for the first time in a long time.

What would win out in the end - my memories of the game's mediocrity or the accolades people bestow upon the game? Only one way to find out.

Story:

I think one of the reasons the game didn't connect with me when I was younger was because of its wacky storyline. It is like something you'd see on Adult Swim. Everyone looks like a mutated freak, and they talk to each other in one-liners or non-sequitur statements. Some people like this "absurdist" style of comedy, but it has never been my thing. 

The game follows Raz, a young boy who sneaks into a summer camp for people with psychic abilities. Despite the fact that he showed up uninvited, he quickly proves his worth - and begins his psychic training. He learns things like telekinesis, levitation, pyrotechnics, etc. He is put to the test when someone starts stealing the brains of all the kids in the summer camp. He uses his newfound abilities to enter the minds of the camp's (and the nearby asylum's) residents. At the end his own dad turns out to be the villain.

The overall story isn't really what is interesting - it's the little side jaunts into peoples' minds that makes this game unique. Many people are aware of the "Milkman" stage where you enter a mind that is like a warped and twisted 1950s America. I actually enjoyed some other stages more - like the Day of the Dead themed stage with the bull, or the board game themed stage, or the "Godzilla" inspired stage where you are a giant, and you are smashing your way through buildings in a big city.

Gameplay:

As I mentioned before, this game doesn't have the best controls in the world. Jumping is a bit floaty. It's hard to line up your jumps. It's hard to land exactly where it is you want to land. Hit detection is a bit weird as well. I swear enemies like to hang out JUST at the edge of your melee attack. Overall, the game just feels a little "jank" compared to some other major platformers out there.

The game begins in camp, which operates as the game's hub world. You can go to different sections of camp, picking up collectibles, meeting your fellow campmates, and learning more about the world of the game. You aren't forced to immediately dive into the main storyline if that's not the direction you want to go.

The beginning of the game is a bit slow. I'm not gonna lie, I really struggled to get into it my second time through the game. I started thinking what I was going to say when I reviewed the game and gave it a bad score. "Sorry, Psychonauts lovers - this game isn't nearly as good as you are propping it up to be."

It wasn't until AFTER the beloved Milkman stage that I really started to appreciate Psychonauts. The application of your powers, how to use secret items, all that stuff just clicked the right way in my mind. I went from having a bad time to actually enjoying myself quite a bit. Psychonauts rose from a C range title to a B range one overnight.

What makes this game special is that no two stages are alike. One stage has a giant version of your character rampaging through a seaside town, knocking down buildings as tanks and planes attack you. Another stage has you solving puzzles in a  dystopian 1950s setting, picking up items to impersonate people as you penetrate deeper into the subject's mind. Another stage has you directing actors in a play, as you try to find the right stage and script to ride a balloon to the top of the theater. Another stage puts you right in the middle of a Day of the Dead inspired Mexican stage, where you collect cards and fight against outrageous wrestling characters while trying to stop a rampaging bull. One stage I found to be really genius was the board game inspired stage. You shrink down to the size of a game piece to run around on the game map and complete tasks. Then you have to grow back to your normal size to move pieces on the board again. Then shrink back down and complete more tasks, etc - until you win the game.

The stage variety really began to win me over after a while. It was like night and day. First part of the game: boring. Second part: good. It'll be interesting to see how I grade this one at the end.

Oh, the boss fights! I almost moved on without mentioning them. To me, they are a highlight of the game. They require pattern recognition and fast reflexes. Some of them are quite difficult. I always enjoyed finding the boss's weaknesses and exploiting them, though. It's always something very easy to do in concept, but difficult to pull off in reality. I suppose the jank controls don't help. And that brings me back to my biggest complaint about the game. The controls make it not fun at times. Too many times.

The last stage is a nightmare. You have to engage in many, many precision jumps. You fall, you die. Some of them have a time limit too, which is terrible. I got stuck for the longest time on the part where the enemy is blasting fireballs at you, and you have to latch onto this rotating cage/fence thing and jump from cage to cage in mid-air. You mistime your jump or hit a fireball, and you fall and have to do the whole thing over again. It really is a pain in the ass. I remembered very little from my 05/06 playthrough of the game - but that part stuck out in my mind, it was so bad. I didn't like it then and I definitely don't like it now.

Before we move on - some random Dan trivia for you. I mentioned that I first played this back in the mid 2000s. While I was playing this game, my girlfriend Jessica and I stayed overnight at her parents' house one night. We brought this game and our PS2 with us. We ended up smoking pot with Jessica's mom, which was a surreal experience on its own. Then we fired up this game and played through the "Lungfishopolis" section of the game. At the end, the sea creature's name is revealed to be Linda - which is also Jessica's mom's name. We all had a good, stoned guffaw about this for several minutes. We thought it was so damn funny. When I think back on this game, that's one of the first memories to come to mind.

Graphics:

I don't think I've ever encountered a game that is such a mixed bag, graphically. The characters do not look good. Like seriously, WTF? Why are these little kids so mutated? They look like something Tim Burton came up with while on LSD, and I don't mean that in a good way. The camp setting itself is fairly ugly. The woods and trees don't look good. The area is populated by ugly characters. This game definitely shows its age in many ways.

But on the flip side, some of the game's stages look sensational. The 1950s Milkman stage is trippy (in a good way) with its nightmarish environment and its twisting, turning streets and walkways. I found the Day of the Dead stage to be one of the most impressive things visually I've ever experienced from a PS2 game. Seriously, it looks fantastic. The colors, the animation, the overall vibe of the level. I walked away from that stage very impressed. 

The game is at its best when you are diving into people's minds and experiencing their trippy, mind-bending delusions with them. When the game is in the real world, the visuals falter. When it is in the spiritual world, they soar.

Sound:

The game sounds good. The voice acting is solid, and the stage music always feels appropriate to what's going on onscreen. I like the sound effects too, especially the noise it makes when you collect a Figment.

That's all I got. I wish I had more to add here, but nothing really stood out to me, in a good or a bad way.

Overall:

This is where things get interesting. While the game did win me over in the end, it took a while to get there. The first half of the game is a real slog, to the point where I internally debated if I even wanted to keep playing or not. My memories of the game didn't do it any favors either. But once things clicked and I started to really understand the ebb and flow of the game, I was hooked.

I won't say that this game reaches the heights of some of my all-time favorite 3D platformers. It doesn't. If only the gameplay was just a little bit better. But I do appreciate the trippy stage design, and all the unusual concepts this game introduces. It's worth checking out if only for this reason alone.

All in all, I can safely say that I'm a fan of Psychonauts. I'm not a BIG fan, but I am a fan. That's an improvement on my original "overrated" stance, I suppose. I mean, I still think the game is a little bit overrated - and I probably won't ever play through it again. But I enjoyed my time with it, and I'll for sure be checking out the sequel.

THE GRADE:

B-

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Video Game Review #510: Himno

Himno

PlayStation 4

Nostalgia Factor:

I'm gonna be real here: I only downloaded this game because it contains an easy platinum trophy. I used to care a lot about my PlayStation Network trophies. I suppose I still kind of do. I haven't had much time to play games lately so I've found myself slipping in the trophy standings. Figured I should play a game with an easy platinum trophy to boost myself in the standings a little bit. Plus this game was cheap on the PlayStation store. I think I got it for, like, a dollar. If that. 

Cheap game, easy platinum: count me in. But would the game be any good? That's what we are here to find out.

Story:

If this game has a story, none of it is explained in-game. You're immediately thrust into action with no explanation of what is going on whatsoever. You never find out either, as this game does not have an ending.

Gameplay:

When the game starts, you are given no guidance on what you are supposed to do. You are shown the controls, and that's about it. The game says: off you go!

This is a 2D side scrolling platformer. The controls are pretty good, and easy to get a hang of. Your little character runs, jumps, wall climbs, dashes, and double jumps all around these levels with the greatest of ease. 

With no guidance, it is up to you, the player, to figure out what you are supposed to do next. You'll quickly notice that there are no enemies. It's also very dark. When I first started playing, I found myself jumping and climbing upwards, not sure what I was supposed to be doing. I was collecting all kinds of little jewels and collectibles as I ran. I was lighting little camp fires, too. But what did any of this mean? What was I supposed to do?

Eventually I noticed a little door, which looked like it was filled with television static or something. I entered it, and it took me to an area titled District 2. I blindly made my way through this level, not really uncovering anything interesting until I found another static door. I entered it. Now I was in District 3.

I paused the game and came to the internet for help. Just what exactly was I supposed to be doing? Turns out, I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Apparently this game is filled with a limitless number of randomly generated stages, or Districts. The goal of the game is to complete as many of these stages as possible before falling in the water and dying. Your end objective is to reach the highest number of District as you possibly can.

That's it. That's the point of the game. Just explore the levels and keep finding those grey static doors. Rinse and repeat, times infinity.

Well, that's fun... not!

No enemies to fight, no storyline to follow? You can't even beat the game? Eh. I quickly discovered that this was not a game that was meant for me. I liked the controls and I liked some of the ideas of the game, but I just didn't find it to be very fun. Everything is too dark. You can barely see where you are going. I always felt like I was faced with a situation where I had to make a leap of faith, because I had explored the entire level and couldn't find the static door. You know where that leap would take me? Right into the water and to my death. As easy as it sounds to just make it from District to District, especially with no enemies to contend with, it is much harder. I was getting hit with fluke or unfair deaths left and right. I couldn't see shit. It got to the point, and quickly, that I didn't want to play the game anymore.

Luckily it only took me 38 minutes or so to get the platinum trophy. I told you it was an easy one. I guess all you have to do is make it to District 6 and complete some other small menial tasks to get the trophy. Works for me!

Graphics:

Just look at these screenshots. Can you figure out anything that is going on in the game from these? I didn't think so. It doesn't look much better in-game, either. Now, I am no graphics snob. I just want a game to be fun. So I will go easy on this game's look. It's simplistic, it leaves a lot to the imagination. All of that can be forgiven.

What can't be forgiven is how fucking dark the game is. Half the challenge of the game is simply just seeing where you are supposed to go next. I can't tell you how many times I got stuck on a stage in this game, because I couldn't even see a logical way to proceed. Everything is so damn dark. This is a game that forces you into taking a lot of leap of faiths. More often than not, I found myself dying as a result of them. I don't think I made it much farther than District 10, but if I could see better, I could have made it much farther in the game. It is an active hindrance, and one that I am not sure I can forgive.

Sound:

I guess this game sounds okay. It's mostly ambient sound effects and "relaxing" music, like something you would fall asleep to. There's no dialogue or anything memorable about the music itself. It does what it sets out to do. 

Overall:

This is a tricky one. Games are generally easier to review when you have a strong opinion about them one way or the other. That didn't happen here. I didn't necessarily like or dislike this one. I'm indifferent. And that's not a good thing.

I can see the appeal of this game. It is marketed as a soothing or relaxing game. Pop this in when you're stressed out or you can't sleep. It has a calming feel to it. No combat, quiet music and sound effects. Just pure exploration.

At the same time, it is boring. And repetitive. All the levels look the same. The end goal never changes. Explore the stage and find the door to the exit. How many times can you do that before you start to get bored? The boredom set in very, very quickly for me.

I also feel the game is fundamentally flawed in many ways. It lacks direction. It's too dark. You can barely see anything. I found all of my playthroughs where I was making good progress derailed by having to make "leaps of faith" and then winding up in the water and then having to start the whole thing over again.

Meh. I'm not going to say this game is a complete failure or anything. I'm sure there is a market for this somewhere. It's just not for me. Thanks for the easy platinum trophy, Himno. I look forward to never playing you again.

THE GRADE:

D

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Video Game Review #509: Yoshi's Story

Yoshi's Story

Nintendo 64

I'm certain I rented Yoshi's Story when it first came out in 1998. But do I remember much, if anything, about it? Not really. My memories of playing the game are as vague as vague can be. I remember liking it, but not much else.

I've been in a bit of a video game playing rut lately, so I decided to come back to this game and check it out because I know it is short. Is the game any good here in the year 2024, or did I lose all memories of this game for a reason? Let's dive in.

Story:

This game at least attempts to tell you a good story. I appreciate the creativity, like how the events are read to you from a pop-out children's book. Unfortunately, the story just isn't very good. Fortunately, this is an action platformer so the story doesn't really matter.

In the story, Baby Bowser attacks Yoshi's Island and steals the Happy Fruit Tree from the island. Six Yoshi eggs hatch after surviving the attack, and they proceed to make their way through the game's stages in order to fight Baby Bowser and get the tree back.

Gameplay:

This is a very easy game to pick up and play. In fact, I could just stop at this is a very easy game. Why? Because it is very easy. When the game starts up, you are given a choice of six different colored Yoshis to pick from. What's the difference, aside from their colors? Not much of anything. They all have the same abilities and handle exactly the same, at least from what I experienced.

You have to make your way through six stages before you fight Baby Bowser at the end of the game. Just six stages? That's right. I found myself beating this game in no time whatsoever. Not even two hours. I guess there are other paths you can take when you play the game again, resulting in different levels you can play through. These extra levels are unlocked by finding hearts, or some bullshit. Each of the six "zones" ends up with three or four different stages to pick from. Why they didn't just include these as part of the main quest, since the game is so short, I have no idea. I came back and played through a bunch of these levels, but ended up quitting when one of them (the one with the springs) glitched out on me.

Basic gameplay consists of walking forward, jumping, and eating things with your long Yoshi tongue. You can also perform a ground pound and hold the jump button in mid-air to "float" forward. It's all very easy to get a hang of. Oh, I almost forgot how you can pick up eggs from time to time and launch them at your enemies.

Unlike most games, you aren't just looking for the level exit. What you have to do is collect enough fruits that are hidden around the level. Once you reach the needed number of fruits, the level ends and you move onto the next one. As I mentioned earlier, this is a very easy game. I only died once the entire time I played it, and that is because I mistimed a jump and ended up falling into a pit. Otherwise, I made it through the game almost completely unscathed. When you lose a life, you must select a different colored Yoshi to play as. What happens when you run out of Yoshis to pick from? I don't know, I never died that may times.

All in all, this was a fun little game. Its shortness and ease of difficulty hurts it a little bit, but while I was playing it I was never not enjoying myself. 

Graphics:

This is a pretty darn good looking Nintendo 64 game. The presentation is top-notch, with its children's pop-out book story sequences. The game's colors and worlds are bright and colorful and full of life. Stages look like a mix between Paper Mario and Kirby's Epic Yarn. It's like a child's play time fantasy come to life.

In fact, the whole thing seems extra geared towards kids, much more so than other Mario or Nintendo games. That may explain the easiness and extreme shortness of the game. They want it to be kid-friendly, and for you to be able to beat it in one sitting.

Sound:

The game sounds good, I suppose. I only say "I suppose" because I just finished it yesterday and, thinking back, I can't even remember one single stage theme from the game. What I can remember is the silly, nonsensical Yoshi singing that plays during the game's introduction, and in-between some of the stages during the story sequences. Again - it is very clear this game is for kids.

That said, all the sound effects fit the action of the game perfectly. The sound that Yoshi makes when he sticks his tongue out is present in full force in this game. One of my favorite video game sound effects. I don't really have any complaints in this department.

Overall:

Now I know why I couldn't remember a single dang thing about this game: it's just not very memorable. It's too short, it's too easy, and I probably beat the whole thing in one day before never playing it again. 

It's not a bad game, though. It's enjoyable while it lasts. It's just not particularly memorable. There's not enough substance to the game to make it stand out in your head. No challenge, no real stand out stages or game events. There aren't even any minigames or anything to break up the action. It's all just very simple, easy, and - as I said before - geared towards little children.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. I'm glad this is a kid friendly game. Little kids need games geared towards them, too, that aren't frustrating and are easy to pick up and complete. So in that way, the game is a success. But to me, there's just not much about it that makes it stand out from the crowd. Will I be returning to this game at any point in the future? Probably not.

I'm going to give it a C+ because I feel it is definitely an above average game. As I said, it's not bad. But that's about as far as I am willing to go.

THE GRADE:

C+

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2024 Movie Rankings: April

This was an eventful month of movie watching, as I watched 14 movies in the month of April. As usual, I will go through these movies and select 5 of them to move onto my year end ranking, where I rank my favorite movies of the year from worst to best. Which movies will move on, and which will be tossed to the side? Let's find out.

But first: here are the 14 movies I watched in the month of April:

Batman Returns

Frailty

The Wicker Man

The Road

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Extended Edition

The Shape of Water

Milo and Otis

Halloween 

Halloween 2

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Parasite

Dumb and Dumber

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

Not moving on:

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

This should come as a surprise to no one. This movie irked me so much that I actually took the time to write an entire blog entry on how much of a disappointment it was to me. Check it out.

Frailty

I wish I liked this movie more, because its premise is very interesting. But for some reason I found it to be very dull and mundane. You know the phrase "it didn't do anything for me?" That's how I feel about this movie. It did nothing for me. Nothing.

Halloween 2, 4, and 5

Yes, I am currently watching all these movies in order in case you can't tell. And no, I am not skipping the third one. I just can't find it anywhere on streaming. I'll come back to it in due time. Anyway, while the first Halloween movie is considered a great classic, the sequels are generally not appreciated as much. I actually like the sequels a lot, but they are simply not quite good enough to crack my top 5. This is nothing against them.

The Road

This is a movie you can really only watch effectively one time. The first time I ever saw this, I remember it being very disturbing, and it had a giant effect on me. I've seen it twice since then, and each time I like it a little bit less. That's not to say it is not a good movie or it's not disturbing. But when you know what's coming, it softens the impact quite a bit and makes it not as memorable.

Batman Returns

I was obsessed with this movie as a kid, watching it on an endless loop on VHS. I haven't seen it in a good long time as an adult. It's still a fun movie, I love how dark and atmospheric it is. The Penguin and Catwoman are great villains, and of course Michael Keaton is the best Batman. Unfortunately it is not quite good enough to crack my top 5. Plus I kept falling asleep while watching this. It took me about 5 installments to make it through the movie.

The Wicker Man

I saw this for the first time a few years ago, and I remember loving the movie and its gut punch ending. While there is a lot of value to this movie on re-watch, I have to say it loses a lot of its impact when you know what is coming.

Parasite

This one almost mad my top 5. It is such a well-made movie with a clever premise. I have mixed feelings on the movie, though. While it is entertaining and flies by quickly, the ending has always been a letdown to me. It leaves me empty, wanting a better ending after the movie itself was so good. It just doesn't make sense to me that the dad would suddenly murder someone in the middle of a party. Why, because the other guy said he smelled and hurt his feelings? I suppose it makes sense he'd end up hiding in the house, like the previous family, so there is some karma there. But eh. Maybe I need to read more about this movie to see if I'm the only one who thinks this way about it. Or maybe I'll read something that can change my mind.

Moving On:

Dumb and Dumber

This is another childhood favorite I used to watch on an endless VHS loop when I was a kid. I could quote nearly every line in this movie. That said, I haven't sat down and watched the whole thing in, geez, 10 years. I noticed it was leaving Netflix at the end of April, so I threw it on, not expecting much. Turns out the movie is just as good as it was when I was a kid. The jokes are still fresh, the ridiculous characters are still entertaining. I had fun the entire time through this movie, and the time went by so quickly! The movie just flew by, I was having such a fun time watching it.

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Extended Edition

This may be my single favorite Lord of the Rings movie, so there should be no surprise it cracks my top 5.

Halloween

The OG Halloween is clearly the best in the franchise. I've listened to a few podcasts that discuss this movie recently, so I decided to dive in and watch them all in order. I definitely like the first one the most. It establishes Michael and Haddonfield. And of course Dr Loomis's performance is amazing. Great soundtrack, great suspense. Just an all around terrific horror movie.

Milo and Otis

I know there are rumors of a lot of animal cruelty on the set of this movie, so I probably shouldn't like it as much as I do. But I can't help it. I grew up with this movie in the pre-Internet age and fell in love with it as a kid. My son has been big on watching things with animals in it lately, so I showed it to him and got to watch him fall in love with it too. Proud dad moment. Such a fun movie with a lot of interesting animals in it. Big feeling of adventure and getting lost in an unfamiliar land. One of my all time favs.

The Shape of Water

I've seen this movie a few times in the past, and I've never been too impressed by it. I decided to watch it here in 2024 because my son picked it off the shelf at the library and handed it to me. He told me I should watch. So I checked it out and brought it home. Turns out, I really did enjoy the movie this time around. It's so well-filmed. The cinematography is beautiful. I love the music, the acting, the set pieces, everything. I completely lost myself in this movie, it was so good. I am still not quite sure I completely buy the love story with the fish creature, but I was able to push aside those thoughts and just enjoy the movie for what it is. This is definitely a contender to finish high in my year-end ranking.

With these 5 movies advancing, here is a look at the top 20. 4 months down, 8 to go! At the end, we'll have 60 movies - 5 from each month that move on. And then I will determine my favorite.

Old

A Star is Born

Mystic River

Legends of the Fall

Cloverfield

The Shape of Water

Milo and Otis

Gerald's Game

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Extended Edition

Milk

Fried Green Tomatoes

The Four Falls of Buffalo

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Open Water

Dumb and Dumber

The Skeleton Key

The Illusionist

The Prestige

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Extended Edition

Halloween

Past rankings:

January

February

March

2024 things (April)

January 2024

February 2024

March 2024

4.1.24: Watched 1 episode of 3 Body Problem (1.08). Watched 1 episode of Death Note (1.29). Listened to 1 episode of Staff Picks podcast (The Skeleton Key). Listened to 1 episode of the Stephen King Cast (ep 60). Listened to 1 episode of Digging Six Feet Under podcast (s03e04).

4.2.24: Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (11.05). Listened to 1 episode of Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 347). Watched 1 episode of The Tourist (1.05). Listened to 1 episode of Birds of Empire podcast (ep 6). 

4.3.24: Watched 1 episode of American Manhunt: The Boston Marathon Bombing (01.03). Watched movie: Batman Returns. Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (11.06). Listened to 1 episode of Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 393). 

4.4.24: Watched 1 episode of X-Men 97 (ep 4). Listened to 1 episode of Staff Picks podcast (The Wicker Man). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.00). Watched 1 episode of The Tourist (1.06). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (46.06). 

4.5.24: Watched 2 episodes of The Amazing Race (11.07 and 11.08). Watched movie: The Wicker Man 1973. 

4.6.24: Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (11.09). Watched 1 episode of Somebody Feed Phil (Taipei). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming podcast (ep 42 Part 2).

4.7.24: Watched 1 episode of Wednesday (1.01). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (11.10). Finished video game: Dead Space. Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema podcast (ep 28). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde podcast (ep 164). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour podcast (4/3/24 episode). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack podcast (Desert Island Diskettes - 5 Must Have Retro Games). Listened to 1 episode of the Cartridge Club podcast (CC extra #7). 

4.8.24: Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club podcast (Whoa, It: Chapter Two is Gonna Be Really Long). Watched 1 episode of Wednesday (1.02). Listened to 1 episode of Museum of the Missing podcast (ep 1).  Listened to 1 episode of Staff Picks podcast (Phantasm). 

4.9.24: Watched 1 episode of Wednesday (1.03). Watched 2 episodes of The Amazing Race (11.11 and 11.12). Listened to 2 episodes of Museum of the Missing podcast (ep 2 and 3). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde podcast (ep 165). Listened to 1 episode of the 7th Rule Podcast (ep 229). Listened to 1 episode of the Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 394).

4.10.24: Listened to 2 episodes of Museum of the Missing podcast (ep 4 and ep5). Watched 1 episode of X-Men 97 (ep 5). Listened to 1 episode of Ear Biscuits podcast (ep 34). Watched 1 episode of The Amazing Race (11.13). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.01). Watched movie: The Road.

4.11.24: Listened to 1 episode of Museum of the Missing podcast (ep 6). Watched 1 episode of Death Note (1.30). Watched 1 episode of Survivor (46.07). Watched 1 episode of Wednesday (1.04). Listened to 1 episode of the Cartridge Club podcast (CC Weekly #57). 

4.12.24: Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Gaming podcast (Game Launch Edition: FFVII Rebirth). Listened to 1 episode of Museum of the Missing podcast (ep 7).Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.02). Watched movie: Frailty.

4.13.24: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.03). Listened to 1 episode of Museum of the Missing podcast (ep 8). Listened to 1 Staff Picks podcast episode (Frailty). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde podcast (BONUS - Freaky Friday Mushroom Mashup!). Listened to 1 episode of the Cartridge Club podcast (CC Weekly #58). Watched 1 episode of Somebody Feed Phil (Washington DC). Watched 1 episode of Wednesday (1.05).

4.14.24: Listened to 1 episode of Sega Saturn Shiro podcast (ep 45). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema podcast (ep 29). Listened to 2 episodes of Museum of the Missing podcast (ep 9 and ep 10). Watched 1 episode of Homicide New York (1.02).

4.15.24: Watched movie: The Shape of Water. Listened to 2 episodes of Museum of the Missing podcast (ep 11 and ep 12). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club podcast (Needful Things Pt. 1). Listened to 1 episode of the Stephen King Cast (ep 61). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde podcast (ep 166). Listened to 1 episode of the 7th Rule Podcast (ep 230). 

4.16.24: Watched 2 episodes of Wednesday (1.06 and 1.07). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.04). Listened to 1 episode of the Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 395). 

4.17.24: Watched 1 episode of X-Men '97 (ep 6). Watched movie: Milo and Otis.

4.18.24: Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.05). Watched 1 episode of Fallout (1.01). Watched 1 episode of Wednesday (1.08). Listened to 1 episode of Staff Picks podcast (Halloween). Watched movie: Halloween. Watched 1 episode of Survivor (46.08).

4.19.24: Watched movie: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.06). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack podcast (Walker - DMA Design).  Listened to 2 episodes of Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 346 and ep 1). Listened to 1 episode of Fathom podcast (e1).

4.20.24: Watched movie: Halloween 2. Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.07). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour podcast (4/18/24 ep). Listened to 1 episode of Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 345). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde podcast (ep 167). Watched 1 episode of Homicide New York (1.01).

4.21.24: Listened to 1 episode of Post Show Recaps (One Last Post Show Recap: Leftovers s01e05). Watched 1 episode of Fallout (1.02). Listened to 1 episode of Fathom podcast (e2). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde podcast (ep 168). Listened to 1 episode of Digging Six Feet Under podcast (s03e05). Watched 1 episode of Somebody Feed Phil (Mumbai).

4.22.24: Watched movie: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Listened to 1 episode of Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 344). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema podcast (Indie Movie Review: Chasing Molly). Listened to 1 episode of the Cartridge Club podcast (CC extra #8). 

4.23.24: Finished video game: Jeopardy. Listened to 1 episode of the 7th Rule Podcast (ep 231). Watched 1 episode of Homicide New York (1.03). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.08). Watched 1 episode of Death Note (1.31). Watched 1 episode of Fallout (1.03).

4.24.24: Watched 1 episode of Homicide New York (1.04). Watched 1 episode of Death Note (1.32). Watched movie: Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Extended Edition. Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.09). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack podcast (The Story of Doom and Quake). Listened to 1 episode of the Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 396). Watched 1 episode of X-Men '97 (ep 7). 

4.25.24: Listened to 1 episode of Staff Picks podcast (History of the World, Part 1). Watched 2 episodes of Fallout (1.04 and 1.05). Watched 1 episode of The Challenge (38.10). Listened to 1 episode of The Losers Club podcast (Bag of Bones: It Chapter Two Edition). Listened to 1 episode of Arcade Attack podcast (Arcade Attack Radio - Dylan's Driving Mix).

4.26.24: Watched 1 episode of Survivor (46.09). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema podcast (At the Movies Edition: It Chapter Two). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour podcast (4/25/24 ep). Watched 1 episode of Fallout (1.06).

4.27.24: Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde podcast (ep 169). Watched 3 episodes of The Challenge (38.11 and 38.12 and 38.13). Finished video game: Rygar for arcade. Watched 1 episode of Homicide New York (1.05). Watched 1 episode of Somebody Feed Phil (Scotland). Watched 2 episodes of Fallout (1.07 and 1.08). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour podcast (4/26/24 ep).

4.28.24: Watched 1 episode of Death Note (1.33). Listened to 1 episode of Digging Six Feet Under podcast (s03e06). Listened to 1 episode of the Dynasty Happy Hour podcast (ep 397). Watched movie: (Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers).

4.29.24: Watched 1 episode of Death Note (1.34). Listened to 1 episode of Collateral Cinema podcast (David Ayers Suicide Squad). Listened to 1 episode of Fantasy Football Happy Hour podcast (4/28/24 ep). Listened to 1 episode of the 7th Rule Podcast (ep 232). Listened to 1 episode of the Cartridge Club podcast (CC Weekly #59). Listened to 1 episode of The Retrograde podcast (ep 174). 

4.30.24: Watched movie: Dumb and Dumber. Watched 2 episodes of The Challenge (38.14 and 38.15). Watched movie: Parasite.

Most popular things for April:

16 episodes of The Challenge watched

14 movies watched

12 episodes of Museum of the Missing podcast played

10 episodes of Dynasty Happy Hour podcast played

9 episodes of The Amazing Race watched

8 episodes of The Retrograde podcast played

8 episodes of Wednesday watched

8 episodes of Fallout watched

6 episodes of Staff Picks podcast played

6 episodes of Death Note watched

5 episodes of Collateral Cinema podcast played

5 episodes of Fantasy Football Happy Hour podcast played

5 episodes of The Cartridge Club podcast played

5 episodes of Homicide New York watched

Video Game Review #508: Rygar

Rygar

Arcade

Nostalgia Factor:

I haven't played Rygar in nearly 30 years. I remember enjoying the game when I was a kid - both the Nintendo and the arcade versions of the game. I remember them being distinctly different. The arcade game was more of a straightforward side-scroller, and the NES version was a Metroid-like title where you could backtrack and get lost. As much as I enjoyed these games, I never really got to play them. I encountered the arcade unit in the wild only once or twice. I played the NES version at a friend's house once or twice. I was never able to truly dive into either game.

Now that I finally have the means to do so, I have decided to revisit these games. I will play the NES version sometime in the future. But for now - the arcade version. 

Story:

The game starts with a screen that says:

"4.5 billion years have passed since Earth's creation. Many dominators have ruled in all their glory, but time was their greatest enemy and it defeated their reign. And now a new dominator's reign begins..."

And then you are thrown into the game - a 2D side-scroller with a fantasy setting. No explanation of who you are, what you are doing, or who you are fighting. Nothing. 

Gameplay:

This is a very simple game. You move left and right on the screen. You jump. You attack with your weapon, a circley-looking blade thing on a chain. If you get hit one time, you die. Yes, it is one of those games. The good news is that enemies are fairly easy to beat, going down with just a hit or two.

The main goal of the game is to make it through 27 levels. You can get through most of these levels pretty quickly, like within a minute or two. You see your progress on a little tiny bar on the bottom right of the screen. You can rush through things and try to muscle your way to the end of the level. But like I said - one hit kills you. But you do pick up right where you left off. There is no backtracking or having to replay areas. That is nice. If you are emulating and have unlimited quarters, you can just keep pumping them in and pushing forward. You'll get there eventually. I can only imagine in the actual arcade this would be much more difficult. I can't imagine ever beating it, as I normally had no more than a few dollars of quarters at a time. I imagine you have to play in a more strategic fashion, being careful not to get hit as you slowly make your way through the level.

Enemies come at you from all over the place. Above you, below you, in front of you, behind you. You can't let your guard down for a second or you can find yourself overwhelmed. This is a game where fast reflexes will suit you well. Otherwise you may find yourself getting frustrated quickly. But like I said - if you die, you start pretty much right where you left off. So while the game is tough, it is completely doable. Sort of.

Here is the twist. After level 21, the game doesn't let you continue anymore. It doesn't matter how many quarters you put in. So if you only have one or two lives left, you have to beat the game on those remaining lives. If you lose them, you have to start the ENTIRE game over again. What. While I won't say that beating the game under these conditions is necessarily impossible, it is certainly not something I would have the time or the patience for. I have no problem admitting that I used save states to cheese my way through the last part of the game. If the game is going to play dirty, I am going to play dirty too.

Graphics:

This game looks fine, I guess. No, let me take that back. It doesn't look great. It looks very primitive. I have a feeling they were going for kind of a Rastan vibe here, but I don't think they succeeded. I suppose I should fact check to see which game came out first, but who are we kidding? I don't do research here.

I do give the game props for the sunset stages. Just thinking of the word Rygar immediately brings those background colors to the forefront of my mind. Very iconic. It's too bad the rest of the game looks like it was done in MS paint. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It's not that bad. But it almost is.

Sound:

Don't expect much from the game's music. All 27 stages consist of the same one or two songs the entire way. And they aren't even that good! The music that plays when you beat the game is a real eardrum-piercer, too. Seriously, WTF?

Overall:

Meh. This game was really just not my cup of tea. It's a shame, because I really remember enjoying it when I was a kid. Oh well. At least I have the NES version to look forward to. I am almost certain I'll like that version much better. But this one? I didn't particularly care for it.

I'm not going to say that this is some terrible, trash game. There's some kind of value here if you are into this kind of thing, or if you have nostalgia for it. That said, I didn't like it much. Now that I've beaten the game for the purposes of this review, I am probably done with it for life. I don't see a reason to come back.

THE GRADE:

D+

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Video Game Review #507: Jeopardy!

Jeopardy!

PC

Nostalgia Factor:

Back in the 1990s, my family had a home computer with a very limited number of games on it. One of those games was Jeopardy! I was always a big fan of the show, catching it on TV every day after I would get home from school. I never knew most of the answers, but I still enjoyed watching the show and playing along at home. Of course, I naturally gravitated towards this game as soon as we got it.

While I wouldn't say I was an expert or anything, I played the game enough to become pretty decent at it. I'd beat the computer more often than not. Sometimes I'd play against family and friends, and I would usually win there, too (unless I was playing my stepbrother Joe). One category I excelled at was anything to do with the Bible, as I was in Christian grade school at the time. Nowadays, it is one of my worst categories, but back then, I would sweep the entire category. Helpful for building a giant lead, considering my knowledge of most of the other categories was severely lacking.

Eventually I moved on from the game as I became more heavily invested in home consoles. Why play Jeopardy when I had a massive library of Saturn, N64, and PS1 games to play instead? I'd say that a good 30 years have passed since I've even given this game a second thought. How would I feel revisiting it in the year 2024? Let's dive in!

Story:

This game has no story. You control a character who is playing Jeopardy. The game does allow for returning champions, however, so I guess if you wanted to go on a Ken Jennings-like winning streak and make up a story in your head about it that way, nothing would be stopping you. Just don't expect a plot or anything from this game. This game gets right down to business: playing Jeopardy. And that's it.

Gameplay:

I started replaying Jeopardy on my RetroPie, using a regular game controller. It's a little awkward using this controller. You have to press select to bring up a virtual keyboard, and then make your selection or type in your answer that way. Yeah, yeah. Answer/question, whatever you want to call it. For simplicity's sake, I am just going to say "answer" from here on out, even though it is not technically correct. My point is: it's a little tedious, pecking away at this digital keyboard one letter at a time. Makes things go very slowly.

When I was a kid, I had played the game using a keyboard, and I thought everything worked great. Your experience will definitely suffer using a controller. Just for shits and giggles, I hooked up a USB keyboard to my RetroPie to see if it would improve the experience... and it did! I thought it would be just a minor improvement, but it made a world of difference. Moral of the story: use a keyboard for this game, if you can.

This game works exactly as a round of Jeopardy would work. You have a board of six categories, each one containing five different questions worth varying dollar amounts. You make your pick. The question comes up on the screen. You have to buzz in and type your answer in. If you are correct, you earn the dollar amount of the question. If you are wrong, you lose that much money. The game is played in two rounds, with the second round being worth more money. After the rounds are complete, you take part in Final Jeopardy, where you make a wager. Whoever finishes the game with the most money wins.

Playing against friends is truly great fun. Playing against the computer can be an up and down affair. Keep in mind that I played against the computer for review purposes. I've played with friends in the past, but not this time around.

Why is it so irritating to play against the computer? A number of reasons. The first being that the computer buzzes in ridiculously fast sometimes. You barely get to read a word or two on the screen before they buzz in. It feels completely unfair at times. The good news is that they are often incorrect, so that's cool. Another thing that makes it annoying is that when they don't buzz in quickly, they buzz in too slowly. There is nothing more frustrating than when a question comes up that you don't know the answer to, so you decide to let the timer run out. Nearly every time, the computer will buzz in with one or two ticks left on the timer. If they are incorrect, the timer resets. Oftentimes the OTHER computer controlled character will then buzz in when the timer is almost down to zero. It is very annoying. Makes some of these games drag on and on forever.

Something I have to question is the algorithm for putting in a correct response. I'll give an example. The question was "the number of sides on a rectangle." Obviously, the number is four. I type in four. Nope! Incorrect. The computer buzzes in and answers 4. They are awarded the points. Seriously, WTF? You couldn't figure out that "four" was the same thing as "4"? I wish I had written down some more examples, but I got screwed a number of times on things where I felt I had put in the correct answer, but the computer decided not to give it to me.

Those are my main complaints with the game. My last complaint is of no fault of the game itself. The trivia questions are very outdated. There was one game I played where I didn't know a single thing on an entire game board. Absolutely none of the trivia was relevant here in 2024. Like I said, this is of no fault of the game itself. This title was released in 1987. It is nearly 40 years old. Of course the questions are going to be old. 

Graphics:

This game doesn't look good by today's standards, but does it really matter? This is a trivia game. You aren't playing for pretty graphics. The game board looks fine. I always liked how you have a choice of multiple character models to pick from when creating a contestant. Does the game look special, or even particularly good? No. But it doesn't need to be.

Sound:

Take exactly what I said about the graphics and apply it to the music, too. Does the game sound great? No, but it doesn't really need to. You don't play trivia games for fancy graphics and sound effects. I appreciate how they attempted to recreate the Jeopardy theme with late 80s beeps and bloops. Doesn't really sound good, but it is still quite charming.

Overall:

I'm glad I decided to revisit this game. It is still quite fun, faults and all. I'm sure there are bigger and better Jeopardy games that have been released since this first came out, but I haven't played them. So for now, this game stands out as the definitive Jeopardy title in my mind. Emphasis on for now. I do plan to play some other versions of this game someday. But considering this came out in 1987, when I was five years old, it's quite impressive that this game is still as good as it is.

If you've never played it, it is definitely worth a look. Unless you hate Jeopardy. Then I'd avoid it. It does have some very annoying things about it. It kept me from enjoying this title in the same way I did with Wheel of Fortune for the PC, which I also grew up playing. But I still like it.

THE GRADE:

B-

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My Thoughts on Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Of all the movies out there, why am I writing about the godawful Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider movie? To be honest, I'm not really sure.

When I was a young man in the 90s, I was a huge fan of the Tomb Raider video games. I owned the original trilogy on the Sony PlayStation, and boy did I play the ever loving heck out of these games. Most of the media's focus on Tomb Raider was lasered in on its protagonist: Lara Croft. Most notably, her giant polygonal boobs and her good looks. I didn't care about any of that. I loved Tomb Raider because of the massive levels, the thought-provoking puzzles, and the completely isolated sense of immersion I always felt when playing these games.

When the movie came out, I was very stoked to see it. Back then, Angelina Jolie was a relative unknown (to me, anyway). But I thought she was perfectly cast as Lara Croft. The trailers and the commercials for the movie made it look like it was going to be super awesome. Yeah, movies based on video games had a rocky history (Street Fighter, Super Mario Bros, Double Dragon, Mortal Kombat Annihilation, etc), but there was absolutely no way they could mess this up.

The movie came out in June of 2001. For whatever reason, I was unable to see it for the first few weeks it was in the theater. I was dating a girl named Colleen at the time, and we were early in our relationship. She was my first serious girlfriend. While I wanted to see the movie, I was probably too enamored and busy with her to make it a real priority. She did buy me a giant poster of the movie, which we hung on our wall, though. That was cool.

My birthday rolled around in July of 2001. Tomb Raider had been out for over a month, and was on its way out of the theaters. I had one more weekend to see it. Since it was my birthday weekend, I wanted to go see the movie as a special treat before it was too late. There was only one problem. My girlfriend was entertaining friends from out of state who were visiting for the weekend. These guys were film students from California, and according to Colleen - giant movie snobs. She mentioned to them about how I wanted to go see the Tomb Raider movie and their response was to laugh and say "ew, why would anyone want to see that?"

I felt immediate rejection. Not only were they basically saying no to seeing the movie, they had laughed in my face about me wanting to see it. My hopes and dreams for seeing Tomb Raider were going out the window. Colleen must have seen how disappointed I'd been, because the very next day she told me that she'd talked her friends into going out to see the movie with us. I was overjoyed. I was going to get to see Tomb Raider on the big screen!

My elation turned to immediate disappointment nearly as soon as the movie started. Techno music. A giant robot chasing after Lara Croft. Cheesy early 90s effects in a 2001 movie. Terrible acting. Angelina Jolie walking around and making little Lara Croft orgasm noises. What the fuck was I watching?

The movie didn't get any better either. An incomprehensible plot. Plodding pace. Characters that I cared nothing about. And the hyper sexualization of Lara Croft was some of the cringiest shit I'd ever seen.

Our movie snob friends were laughing and openly mocking the movie the whole time we were watching it. I just sat in my seat, fuming. But I couldn't even be mad at these guys because they were right. The movie was absolute horse shit.

I remember being SO disappointed about the movie. It may go down as truly one of the most disappointing movie experiences I've ever had. I had been so, so very excited to see this, and it had turned out to be completely awful. What were the movie makers thinking? It's like they'd never played the games and they had no idea what fans out there wanted. I wanted a female Indiana Jones movie with a globe trotting plot, tense atmosphere, and a magical sense of discovery and exploration. Instead I got something that felt like it was written by some overcaffeinated virgin with ADD.

As the years have passed, I've given the movie a few additional tries. I got it when it came out on DVD. Nope, still didn't like it. Watched it a few years later. Still didn't like it. Watched it a couple days ago: still didn't like. Every time I watch this movie I come into it with some kind of false hope that maybe this will be the time I finally get some enjoyment out of it. And that enjoyment never comes.

I think I'm writing this because I've finally come to terms with the fact that this is not a good movie. I could watch it a hundred times, and I would dislike it each and every time. Hence - there is no reason for me to watch this movie again. I have watched it for the last time. Yeah, that's why I am writing. To say fuck you, Tomb Raider. To let you all know I'm never watching this crap again.

This is my final goodbye. You had such potential. Angelina Jolie was so well-cast in the role. But you blew it. You know you blew it when someone like me takes the time to write an entire blog post about how big of a let-down this movie was, 23 years after it was initially released. You done fucked up.

Bye.

For a complete index of all my past posts and game reviews, click

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