Video Game Review: Demolition Man

Demolition Man

Super Nintendo

People like to give the movie Demolition Man a hard time, but I like it. It's always been a guilty pleasure of mine. It's fun, it's fast paced. I think it is pretty funny.To this day I still say some of things that they say in the future of that movie. Enhance your calm. Mellow Greetings. What seems to be your boggle?

I can't go to Walgreens without thinking of Demolition Man, since "be well" is their new catch phrase.

It makes sense since this movie was released back in the era of crappy movie to video game ports for the 16-bit consoles that Demoliton Man would get a game. The game is not crappy at all though. Maybe I am biased. A lot of the critically bashed games based on movies that came out during the 90's I actually enjoyed.

I have vague memories of renting this title for the Sega Genesis. The game didn't leave a huge impression on me but I still had fun. I recall it being pretty short and relatively easy to beat. I enjoyed it. Definitely worth a rental but not a purchase.

20 years later I found this game for the Super Nintendo at a used game store for dirt cheap. I recall enjoying the old Genesis version. so I picked it up. Playing it all these years later was like playing it for the first time. Everything was very new to me. Despite this game being old and a little dated, I had a decent time.

The graphics are not terrific, but at the same time they look good considering this game is 20 years old. The sound effects though: not so good. I think there is only one spoken sentence in the entire game, and it is John Spartan muttering "send a maniac to catch one". Better get used to that line, because the game says it at the beginning of every level, and it also says it after you die and come back with your new life. If you haven't seen the movie, you probably will have no idea what he is even saying since it isn't spoken very clearly.

This game is an interesting mix of a side scrolling platformer and an overhead view shooter. The majority of the levels are of the side scrolling variety. You get 3 lives. Lose those 3 lives, and you have to use a continue and begin your level from the beginning. I don't know how many continues you get, because quite simply I didn't die that many times. And I think you are rewarded with 2 or 3 continues for each stage you pass. Which means, unless you totally suck - you should have plenty of lives to get through the game.

You control John Spartan, AKA the great Sylvester Stallone. You explore each level, shooting the crap out of anything that moves. You can collect lives, health, grenades, and weapon upgrades. Pretty standard fair. There isn't much of a strategy beside trial and error that I could figure out. You basically run forward, holding down the shoot button. There is really no point avoiding trying to get hit. You are going to get hit.

The levels loosely follow the plot of the movie. When I say loosely I mean loosely. Some of the stages are pulled right from the movie, like Los Angeles on fire, the museum, and the cryo prison. Some of the levels are invented and have nothing to do with the movie. There is a library level, a subway car level, and some weird underground level where you ride a zip line and shoot flying monsters.

The way to get through each level is through trial and error, as mentioned earlier. Finding out where enemies are ahead of time. Finding out where your jumps are. That kind of thing. The game really isn't that difficult, you just have to be patient with it.

Most side scrolling stages end with a boss. You can't simply fire away at the enemy while standing in one place. Each boss has its own weakness, and it is up to you to find it. None of them are very hard though, especially once you discover that weakness. Also, when you lose a life and come back, the damage you had inflicted on the boss still stands. Which is nice. There is nothing I hate more than dying right before beating a boss and then having to start from the beginning of the fight all over again.

The overhead levels are fun, but if I was asked to pick which type of level is better I wouldn't be able to answer you. There is less strategy involved in the overhead levels and I found them a bit easier. You simply run around, once again holding the shoot button. You can't jump in overhead mode, but you can still throw grenades. Expect once again to take copious amounts of unavoidable damage, But health packs are everywhere to boost your health right back up to normal.

Your goal in these levels is to rescue innocent civilians. You rescue them simply by touching them. It kinda reminds me of that old game Alien Syndrome for the arcade. Save enough civilians, you unlock the next part of the level, where you must rescue some more. On it goes. The levels are pretty small too. You shouldn't get lost in any of them. If you do get lost, I worry for you.

The game ends with a side scrolling stage in the cryo prison, where you finally face off against the fiendish Simon Phoenix. The final stage is disappointingly short, but I had a fun time with the boss. It took me a little while to figure out what to do, but once I did figure it out, I had fun owning the hell out of that yellow haired freak.

And then the game ended.

Picking it up after having not played it for 20 years, I think it took me about an hour to beat. Maybe a little longer. The game is very short and relatively easy. There were a few tough moments where I violated the verbal morality statute, but not many. Those were mainly because of my own screw ups, not anything the game did.

There isn't much replay value here. Sure there are things hidden in each level, but they are mainly weapon upgrades or extra lives. Nothing that gives you any kind of incentive to come back. There are a few branching paths in the game too, but they all look the same and lead to the same place anyway. So there really isn't much of a reason to play it more than once unless this is the only game you own. For 2 or 3 dollars (whatever I got it for), it was a good value. If I had paid the full 50 bucks for this when the game came out, I would have felt super ripped off.

What more can I say really? Its fun, its short. I had a good time while playing it. But is this a classic game that you need to play in order to make your life complete? Heck no. I imagine most of you have never played this game. And if you haven't, nothing I can say is going to change your mind.

What you see is what you get from Demolition Man. Mindless action, a little bit of strategy. But mostly just shooting things. And jumping. And shooting more things. I can't complain at all about this game considering how cheap it was for me. All I ask for is to be entertained, and this game accomplished that goal. It's not a world changing title, but if you want to kill an hour or two, I can think of much worse ways to do so.

THE GRADE:

B-

My Netflix rotation: A weekend in review #4

It's been over a month, so I figured it was about time I wrote up another one of these blogs. For those of you who haven't read past entries, what I do is watch one episode of every show in my Netflix rotation and write my thoughts on it. This will mark the 4th time I have done this now. A few of these shows aren't on Netflix, but I have them on my computer. I am stilling including them in this blog entry simply because they are a part of my show rotation. I won't nitpick that they aren't actually on Netflix if you don't.

Since my last entry, I managed to finish off Daredevil. Two shows have taken its spot in the rotation - Orange is the New Black and Agents of Shield. I had 19 shows in the rotation before - and now I have an even 20. A little bit higher than I want to be, but some of these shows I will be finishing up with soon and I can get the number down to something a little more reasonable.

Hope you enjoy.

Season 20

Episode 7

"I'm Not a Good Villain"

We will kick things off with Survivor: Heroes vs Villains. How I didn't get more excited about this season when it first aired, I have no idea. So many great characters. Rob, Russell, Coach, Stephanie, Sandra, Parvati, Cirie, Tom, Rupert... the list goes on. I guess I was just a little worn out from Survivor back then.

But upon rewatching these old seasons I actually became very excited when season 20 rolled around. This season's cast is like a Survivor fan's wet dream. So far in the game, the villains have been dominating. They have only lost 1 immunity challenge and been to 2 Tribal Councils (the second Tribal Council they only went to because both teams had to vote someone out). The last episode ended in epic fashion with Tyson botching the split vote and getting himself voted out. I can't wait to see what happens next! I have a vague idea (I think either Boston Rob or Coach are next) but I really don't remember a whole lot from this season.

*watches episode*

Yup, it was Boston Rob. I remember being excited to see him lose back when this first aired, just to bring his smug self back to Earth a little. But now I think it's kinda sad. He totally didn't deserve to go. He is always such a big character who brings so much to the show. You don't mess with Russell Hantz though! It was great how he was able to work Jerri to voting with him. Coach threw a random vote at Courtney, but that was as good as a vote for Rob since it kept a vote off of Russell that would have made it a tie. But I think that vote will come back to hurt Coach though if he is the next one to go before the merge. He shoulda just manned up and made that voting group a solid 5. Instead he got replaced by Sandra and Courtney. Dragon slayed :(

But I'm really enjoying the season so far, and this was another good episode. The whole thing was Rob vs Russell. And it was nice to see the Heroes getting their act together after such a slow start. Although I would have liked to see Tom and Steph still in the game. Oh well! I can't say anything bad about this show, or the episode in particular. I used to be super obsessed with Survivor, and then I fell off the bandwagon for a few years. But now I am back into it again, and I really am having fun watching this.

Season 2

Episode 20

"Showdown"

It's been a few weeks at least since I have watched an episode of this show. A definite casualty of having too many other shows to watch. Thank goodness for this Netflix rotation blog because I may have completely forgotten about this show otherwise. The description for the episode sounds amazing. Barney goes on the Price Is Right to meet Bob Barker, who he thinks is his dad? Heck yeah!

*watches episode*

Well, the episode wasn't as good as I had hoped. Mainly it was about Lily and Marshall and how they have to do everything together. Now that they are getting married, they want to spend a little time apart. But the crew makes fun of them and how inseparable they are. The Barney thing barely gets any airtime until the end of the show, when he goes on the Price is Right. He wins all the prizes, but doesn't say anything to Bob about being his dad. For anyone who has seen Happy Gilmore, you know Bob Barker can be hilarious. But on this show he just did his host thing and that was it. I was expecting more.

Season 1

Episode 10

"It's Different for Girls"

Looking back at my last Netflix blog, I mentioned how much I liked this and thought that it would become a top tier show in the rotation. Well guess what? Since then I haven't watched a single episode of this show.

It's not the series' fault. I can chalk this one up solely to having new shows in the rotation that have temporarily knocked this down a peg. It should reclaim its spot soon when I finish off some of the other programs I am currently watching. A strong episode here would make a good case for the show.

*watches episode*

This was a good episode. It focused mainly on three storylines - Saracen's courting of the coach's daughter, Lyla dealing with the backlash from cheating on Street, and a potential Juice romance. The Lyla story was the big one. She received a lot of personal attacks after it was discovered she slept with Riggins. The worst being a website devoted to slut shaming her. She quits the cheerleading team and seems very depressed, but in the end Riggins convinces her to rejoin the team in time for a big competition.

Football was only a very small side note in this episode. I enjoyed it for the most part. This show is all about the characters, and they are all showing a lot of development. Lyla seems to be back on the right track. I like Saracen a lot and he seems to be a true gentleman. I just wish the coach would see it! This episode was a bit slow moving though, and on the whole there isn't a real hook to get you to want to binge watch multiple episodes.

But the characters will definitely keep me coming back.... after I finish some other shows first.

Season 1

Episode 20

"Charm and Harm"

Here is a show I have been watching pretty slowly. Each episode is self contained, and there isn't an overlapping story arc that leaves me dying to see what is going to happen next when an episode ends. So I have been taking my time with Criminal Minds. Enjoying it for the most part. Some episodes are less interesting than others, but that is to be expected. I just don't see this show rising much higher in my rotation simply because it lacks a certain something that I can't quite put my finger on. I think lack of character development is a big part of it.

*watches episode*

This was another good episode. In it, a murderer is going on a spree killing women by drowning them in bath tubs. He is a master of disguise and has been hard to catch by the police. The Criminal Minds team is brought in to help track him down. Investigating his past, they discover that as a child he had drowned his own mother. The mother had been cheating on the father.

Using this knowledge they ascertain that the killer is on the way to the site of his first murder. They catch him before he can kill there again. I liked it. It was very fast paced and felt like a movie. Yes sometimes I complain about an overall sense of direction with this show, or lack of character development. But as a single episode this was pretty darned good. I just got sucked in and went along for the ride.

Will this improve Criminal Minds stock in my rotation however? I can't say yes or no.

Season 3

Episode 6

"Ching Chong Chang"

I've been a fan of this show since season 1. I watched the whole thing pretty darned quickly. And then I had to wait a loooong time for season 2, which I also watched very quickly. The same thing has not happened in season 3. I was just criticizing Criminal Minds for having no character development but having pretty great plots for each episode. This season of Orange is the New Black is the complete opposite. There is a lot of great character development... but the plot is horrible. It has felt like literally nothing has happened this whole season.

As a result, I haven been in no hurry to finish this season. I still like the show, just not as much as I used to. I'm hoping it gets better. But from what I've heard online, it is a foolish hope and this is pretty much what the whole season is like.

*watches episode*

This episode was Chang-centric. She's the little old short haired Asian lady. Up until now she has played an extremely minor role in the show. Normally I would complain about giving a whole flashback episode to a minor character.... but I actually liked it. Her past was pretty interesting to me. I always thought she was just kind of weird and insignificant, but now she has a lot of added depth to her character. I like her.

There were a few other things going on too. The prison guard side story is the main one. The people in charge of funding the prison want to cut the hours of the regular security guards so they don't get benefits. And then hire some cheaper part time people to come in and work those extra hours. Obviously this doesn't go over well with the guards. Also,  Red asks for a favor from Healy and gets back in the kitchen. Lorna starts meeting random men that she is pen pals with. And she is very obsessive about it, studying things they are interested in so that they like her more. There are some minor things with Piper and Poussey.

It was a good episode. For once I was interested in every story line going on simultaneously. I think if I just take the show for what it is and just enjoy it, I will stop thinking about how it isn't as good as previous seasons. 6 episodes down, 7 more to go this season. I could totally see myself going nuts and finishing the rest of the season much faster than I had watched the first half.

Season 2

Episode 19

"Without Diana"

OK, well I am actually going to have to skip a few episodes here. There is a message on Netflix that this show is going to be removed on July 1st. No! I still have half of season 2 left. With all my other shows to watch (plus the fact that this is definitely not my favorite show in the rotation) I doubt I will be able to finish this show before it is taken off. So when I do watch it I am just going to pick and choose what episodes sound the best. I picked "Without Diana" for today because from reading the description it sounds like a sad one. I rarely cry so I am always on the lookout for something that can make that miracle happen.

*watches episode*

Nope, didn't cry. This was just an okay episode. I liked the story. It is about a little girl who disappears during an Easter Egg Hunt. The parents never find out what happened to her. 40 years later, the mom is on her deathbed when the little girl comes to the door and has a heart to heart with her dad. Then she leaves with the mom (indicating that the mom has died) and tells the dad that they will see him when his time has come.

It was an interesting premise. But I don't know that they pulled it off very well. It seemed a little too cheesy for my tastes. The characters were a little wooden. It was like some kind of weird after school special. I wanted to like it. I wanted to really get into this one. I did find the story intriguing but it still wasn't anything special.

Season 3

Episode 9

"Head"

I'm enjoying this season of American Horror Story quite a bit. I think that so far it is the best of all the three seasons that are available on Netflix. With only 13 episodes, I am getting close to the end of the season. This  show probably won't be on the list anymore the next time I do this blog.

*watches episode*

I wasn't totally impressed with this one. There are far too many things going on at the same time. The whole episode seemed pretty disjointed, as not one particular story line was given too much attention. There was a lot of jumping around. I won't talk about all of them, but the main story line seemed to center around that witch hunter dude. He went into the voodoo coven's lair and started blasting away at all of them with a shotgun. Precious is able to use her voodoo doll power to kill him, but not before he shoots her and nearly wipes everyone out.

Other story lines include Myrtle killing the council and using their eyes to restore Cordelia's vision. And of course Kathy Bates head, which is now in control of Precious and is set up in front of a TV to watch all kinds of black television shows to hopefully open her mind a little bit and make her more accepting. There are several other things going on too, but these are the main ones.

Right now it seems like there are a ton of story threads open all at the same time. Hopefully they find a way to satisfactorily tie them all together before the end of the show. With only 4 episodes left, I have hope that they will.

Season 4

Episode 7

"Problem Dog"

Of all the shows in my rotation, this is one I can always count on to be fantastic. Breaking Bad has become my go-to show to watch when I am not really feeling anything else. I'm at the halfway point now of season 4 now, so you'd think with one more season left that I should be finishing within a month or two.

*watches episode*

This one was all right. Unlike past episodes of the series, this one one didn't really hook me in. At the beginning of the show, Walt takes the car that he bought for Walt Jr out to an empty lot and blows it up. Way to be subtle there. Do you want to get caught? I don't really understand Walt's thinking here.

The rest of the episode revolves around Gus Fring. Walt and Jesse are still worried that he will kill them whenever he doesn't need them anymore. So Walt gives Jesse some ricin and he puts it in a cigarette. At the first chance he can get, he will poison Gus. Still feeling guilt over killing Gale, Jesse goes to his support group and gives them a fake story about killing a dog (with the dog being an obvious stand in for Gale) - looking for sympathy. It doesn't go his way however and he ends up freaking out and yelling at everyone about how he only comes to the group to sell meth.

The other big thing to happen in the episode is towards the end when Hank reveals his suspicions about Gus Fring being a meth dealer. He tells his superiors his theory, and they don't believe him. But then he produces Fring's fingerprints at the scene of Gale's death. Cliffhanger!

It was a slow moving episode and not much happened till the end. It wasn't my favorite episode of Breaking Bad ever, but at least it ended on a suspenseful note. I still totally love this show though.

Season 3

Episode 

"Chuck Versus the Angel de la Muerte"

I'm not the hugest fan of this show, but it is a good change of pace to watch every once in a while. Slowly but surely I watch one episode every couple weeks or so. I'm still waiting for the show to change gears or do something special to really make me be like "hey Chuck is awesome!" but it hasn't happened yet. I think what you see is what you get from this show. Which is a spy comedy with a fun cast but a somewhat drab plot.

*watches episode*

I had mixed feelings about the episode. I like that Captain Awesome is getting more involved with things. He's always been a favorite character of mine. The episode as a whole though was pretty dull. To recap: Awesome saves the life of some foreign dignitary who is visiting the country. He is invited to a party as a guest of honor by the dignitary. Chuck is there too and they get caught up in a plot to stop evil forces that want to assassinate the man. Chuck and Awesome win, but in the end of the episode Awesome is captured by said evil forces.

So pretty much I liked the Awesome stuff and think it is great how he is becoming such a key member of the show. I do want to see what will happen next since this ended on a cliffhanger. Despite the mixed feelings, it left an overall favorable opinion in my mind.

Season 2

Episode 7

"The Writing on the Wall"

I was very excited for the second season of this show to come to Netflix. I like all the Marvel stuff and think it is neat how all the movies and the shows tie together. Last season, Shield was dismantled and Coulson was given the task of putting it back together. This season, Shield is viewed as a terrorist group by the government, even though we know they are the good guys. The majority of this season has centered around Shield's battle with Hydra, hoping to stop their evil plans while redeeming themselves as the good guys in one fell swoop.

I've heard the second season of the show is really good. However, I haven't been that impressed by the early episodes so far this season. Hopefully this episode signals a turning point where the show gets better for me.

*watches episode*

Still not that impressive in my opinion. I like the story line but the show just seems to drag its feet constantly. Ward has escaped, and the team can't do anything but track and follow him since he has wired himself with C4. Also, a man who has the same compulsion to carve alien glyphs as Agent Coulson snaps and starts killing people and carving them up. The people he is killing are former Tahiti test subjects. Eventually he is found and captured.

The only real revelation this show brought was that the alien blood was not sending Coulson a map, but a blueprint of a mysterious city. So now they know what it is, they just don't know where it is. Apparently this discovery has cured the compulsion to carve from Coulson's system and he doesn't have to worry about going crazy anymore.

So that's it. Ward is still on the loose as well. I still have hope for the show to get better. I feel it is building towards something epic, but it is just taking its sweet time to get there. It needs to get to it quickly or my interest is going to wane.

Season 3

Episode 4

"Sphere of Influence"

This series has always been a little so-so in my opinion. If I was a kid, I am sure I would love it. Watching it as an adult though... its a little boring. It is Star Wars though, and there is basically no where else to go to get my fix. I've seen the movies a bajillion times. I have to have faith that if I stick with this, there will be a large payoff at the end.

*watches episode*

So-so sums up this episode. A planet has been blocked in by the Trade Federation, and is being swayed to join the Separatists for protection. The leader of the planet's family is taken, and Asohka helps them track the family to Greedo. They are freed and the Trade Federation blockade is lifted and everyone lives happily ever after.

This episode didn't do a whole lot for me to change my opinion of the series. I still find the whole thing rather mediocre. I am beginning to doubt if my mind will ever change.

Season 2

Episode 16

"From Pound Cake to Pot Pie"

You can never go wrong with this show. I love food and I love watching stuff about interesting food. And plus each episode is only about 20 minutes long. It's the perfect show for me.

This episode featured 3 different restaurants. In the first one, Guy tasted mac and cheese muffins as well as chicken pot pie cooked in a mason jar. At the second restaurant were fish tacos. And the third was the most interesting looking place to me. It served an interesting mix of North African food and Southern home cooking. The African chicken looked pretty good, as well as the barbeque pork. Guy said that they had the best greens he had ever tasted. I definitely would have eaten there.

Unfortunately I have only got about 9 episodes left before I am finished with this show. My wife and I like to watch this when we eat dinner, so we have been going through it pretty quickly.

Season 3

Episode 11

"Revelations"

Well, as much as I enjoyed the previous episode of this show, I still have yet to watch another episode of the X-Files since my last blog entry. With all the other shows I am watching that I enjoy more, this show hasn't really become a high priority for me. It's to the point where even the thought of watching an episode is like a chore for me. I just never know if I am going to get a good or a bad episode with this series.

I really want to like the X-Files more and have it become a top tier member of my rotation. It just hasn't happened yet. Here's to a good episode.

*watches episode*

Nope, not a good episode at all. Maybe I am biased because I kept falling asleep during it. I kept having to rewind to find my spot only to fall asleep again and wake up and rewind and have to go through it all over again. The episode itself was run of the mill. There is a killer killing people with stigmata. Almost everyone he kills is a "false prophet" but finally he gets his hand on a little boy who seems like the real deal. He attempts to throw the boy into a paper shredder in a recycling plant, but goes into the machine himself instead.

Slow moving, a little boring. Preachy at times with the religious undertones in this episode. Revelations didn't do much to change my opinion of the X-Files. In fact - it hurt it. I'm not getting much enjoyment out of the show. And the X-Files is this big, huge popular thing. Millions of people love this show. I don't get why I do not.

Season 7

Episode 5

"Frank's Brother"

This show is always good for a quick fix of politically incorrect humor. I haven't watched anything in a while that I have been super excited about, so hopefully this show can infuse some life into the rest of my night before I fall asleep again.

*watches episode*

This episode took place mainly through flashbacks. Frank's brother shows up at the bar and the two start arguing. When the gang wants to know what their history is with each other, the flashbacks begin. Their falling out began when the two of them were much younger. They owned a club together and quarreled over a black woman who sang at the club named Shadynasty.

It was an okay episode. I don't know, I am just in a funk right now where I am not really liking anything. The episode was mostly in the past, so Dee, Charlie and the rest of the gang only played a small role in the episode. There were some funny parts. I particularly enjoyed the guest appearance of the dude who plays Broyles on Fringe and Abaddon on Lost.

This wasn't the show's best offering though.

Season 2

Episode 19

"Mr. Dingle, the Strong"

My fingers are crossed here for a solid episode of the Twilight Zone. This show is pretty hit or miss with me. Based on the name of the episode and the description, however, my hopes are not high.

*watches episode*

Well, the way this one started I thought for sure we were going to be in for another horrible episode. It starts out in a bar, with a couple of guys arguing. There was all this bad acting and false 1950's bravado. A man named Mr Dingle was being beat up over his opinions on a baseball game. This went on for about 5 minutes and I couldn't help but internally facepalm because it was such a terrible scene. Then two aliens walk into the bar, unseen by the patrons. They are two of the most ridiculous looking TV aliens I have ever seen in my life. 

I remained unimpressed by the episode.

But then things started to get interesting. The aliens gift Mr Dingle with the strength of 30 men. Mr Dingle (played by Burgess Meredith) proceeded to go on a spree of showing off his talents. He lifted statues, a park bench, he tilted a car, among other things. The next day he came back to the bar and showed his new found talents to a TV crew. He smashed a table, pulled a barstool out of the ground, and picked up and threw the jerk who had been beating him up in the beginning of the episode. The aliens were unimpressed by how Dingle was putting his new power to use, and decided to take it away from him. The TV crew called Dingle a scammer and they all left. Dingle was left alone and depressed, when two more aliens came in and decided to give him the intelligence of thirty men. Dingle used his intelligence to predict what would happen next in a baseball game, and then left the bar. Leaving us to imagine the new adventures he was about to get himself into.

It really was a tale of two halves with this episode. The first half was awful, but the second was pretty amusing. It is not exactly groundbreaking television but I was definitely entertained and I was always curious to see where the story was going. Ignore the occasional bad acting and laughable looking aliens, and this was actually a decent episode. It entertained me, and that is about all I can ask for.

Season 1

Episode 7

"Sorbet"

I've had a good time with Hannibal so far. There is a nice, over arching story line going on through the episodes. While each episode also has a "murder of the week" element to it. I like how they balance the two. Criminal Minds take note! The violence and gore level of the show is also very impressive. I can't wait to see what Hannibal has in store for me this week.

*watches episode*

The last few episodes have centered around the FBI's search for the Chesapeake Ripper (which we actually know is Hannibal Lector himself). In this episode, there is a murder that has taken place that resembles the Ripper's work, but something seems off about it. Meanwhile the Ripper continues to kill. Over the course of the show we learn that there is an ambulance driver out there harvesting organs to sell on the black market. And his crimes were getting confused with the Ripper's. 

So there were actually two killers out there stealing organs from people. The driver, and then Hannibal - who was going on a killing spree so he would have enough ingredients to feed people at a dinner party. 

This was a decent episode. We knew all along that Hannibal was one of the killers, it was just a matter of finding out who was doing the other killings. The FBI never really got too close to Hannibal, so the tension level for the episode wasn't that high. Now that the other killer has been caught, will Hannibal halt his killings so it looks like the FBI got the right man? Who knows? 

All I know is that the show has been treading water the last few episodes and hopefully pretty soon something big will happen that will pique my interest. Because right now it just seems to be the same thing happening episode after episode. 

Season 2

Episode 21

"Second Chance Hero"

Only 6 more episodes of this left! I like this cartoon, kinda. It's a nice change of pace from some of my other shows, but it is very little-kid like and I often find my mind wandering during some of these episodes. I don't expect greatness from this episode, since I see it is Norman centric and those have been pretty mediocre for me. But maybe, just maybe, it will prove me wrong.

*watches episode*

Didn't really prove me wrong. It was okay but nothing spectacular.

Spidey is assigned to keep an eye on Norman Osbourn (AKA the Green Goblin) to make sure that he is okay and that he is not going to turn into a bad guy again. One night, Spidey comes across Norman wearing a Patriotic Iron Man suit. Norman has turned a new leaf, becoming the superhero Iron Patriot in an attempt to atone for his previous wrongdoings. There is a battle with Doc Ock. Norman's son Harry thinks Spider Man is attacking him and his dad when really all he is trying to do is help.

In the end, Shield doesn't trust Norman, but to us at home it looks like he really does want to be a good guy now. 

So as I said, this was okay but nothing spectacular. I don't know what is going on this trip through my rotation. Almost everything I have watched has been mediocre, subpar, or just okay. I think my rotation needs a major shake up. With this and a few other shows being finished soon, I will be getting my wish.

Season 2

Episode 11

"Ted"

Here is a show that has been getting stronger with every episode I watch. I didn't like it at the beginning, but the deeper into it I get into it, the more I enjoy it. Please please pretty please be the episode that snaps me out of my rotation funk. I am in desperate need of something awesome to watch, as I have been less than impressed with the majority of stuff I have been watching this trip through my rotation.

*watches episode*

Okay, good! I liked the episode. It was a little hokey but at least I had a good time. In this episode, Buffy's mom starts dating some guy named Ted. He is played by John Ritter. Everyone loves Ted, but Buffy has suspicions that something is off about him. In private, Ted snaps on Buffy twice. The second confrontation - he hits her. Buffy retaliates and knocks him down a flight of stairs, killing him.

Ted returns from the dead to terrorize the family. Willow and Zander investigate Ted's house and discover many weird things about him. Like, he has been married four times. And the first marriage was in the 50's, long before Ted as old enough to marry anyone. Then they discover the bodies of his previous four wives. Buffy and Ted fight, and it is revealed that Ted is a robot. Ted is defeated, and Buffy hides the corpse to keep his identity a secret.

It was a decently fun episode. It didn't have much to do with vampires, and the whole robot thing was kind of silly. But hey it kept me entertained and that is all I can ask for. There were a few character advancing moments, such as Giles getting back with that one teacher. Plus some other stuff with Zander and Cordelia. 

Buffy is developing into one of those series that I can always expect a good episode from. This may not be the most serious or intense show out there, but everything doesn't need to be Breaking Bad to be good. This show's stock is definitely rising in my opinion. Once I clear out some other shows that I am almost finished with, I expect to start watching this at a more rapid pace.

Season 6

Episode 11

"Donatello Trashes Slash"

I'm just kind of going through the motions with this show. If I wasn't so OCD and I didn't have to finish everything I started, I would just delete this show from my computer and be done with it. It's almost like I feel I owe it to my younger self to power through this and watch every episode that I never had the opportunity to see. This series hasn't aged well, and I don't expect to like this episode. But I am still going to watch it.

*watches episode*

Slash returns to Earth with an evil plan for world domination. Not only is he smarter since his last appearance on the show, but he brings with him new technology which turns people into turtles. I was trying to think while watching this episode why Slash seemed so familiar (despite the fact that I probably saw these episodes as a kid). And I am pretty sure I had his action figure.

So anyway, this episode was pretty much what I expected it to be. It wasn't the greatest 20 minutes of television I have ever seen in my life. It wasn't as bad as some of the previous episodes of the show, however. Slash is a good villain. And I liked seeing Vernon and his boss turned into turtles. Still though, by no means is this show a favorite in my rotation. I wish I could work up the courage to just delete it forever so I can stop wasting my time on it.

1 episode down, 46 more to go....

Season 4

Episode 6

"The Poison Sky"

I have saved this episode of Doctor Who for the very end of my rotation. This is actually the second part of a two part episode. I thought part one was absolutely atrocious, so I was in no hurry to get around to the end of it. Why are the worst episodes always 2-parters? I watched the first part over 2 weeks ago. I barely remember where it left off. Some kind of alien (the Sontarans) were trying to take over Earth. Something to do with a device installed in cars.... ?

This series so far has been very very hit or miss with me. The good episodes tend to be pretty decent. The bad episodes... I can barely tolerate to watch. If it wasn't for the fact that everyone keeps encouraging me to continue on with the show, I may have given up on it already. 

I'm 4 seasons in. You would think if it was going to "get better" it would have done so already. 

*watches episode*

It wasn't great. It was borderline awful. I can see how this type of show would appeal to some people, but it is just way too silly for me. The more I watch of this show, the more I realize that there must be something wrong with me where I just don't get it. So many people like it. Why don't I?

In this episode, the Sontarans are threatening Earth with the help of a mad boy genius. The boy created something called Atmos that is installed in most cars across the planet. This Atmos was really a sleeper weapon. Now that the Sontarans are here, the Atmos systems began spraying toxic gas all over the world. The Sontarans wanted to turn Earth into a cloning factory. Martha Jones was their first success. The two Martha Jones meeting was probably the highlight of the episode for me. But that's not really saying much.

My attention started to wander. I knew the Doctor would find some way to repel the Sontarans, and he did. Don't ask me how because I started playing Candy Crush halfway through the show. The episode did end on a cliffhanger where Martha, Donna, and the Doctor are mysteriously whisked away in the Tardis. I would say I am intrigued by this twist, but that would be a lie.

Two thumbs down for this episode of Doctor Who. Americans you have failed me miserably. Why do you like this show so much? I can't for the life of me wrap my head around how this has become such a large phenomenon here.

 -----

That's it! One more trip through my rotation has been completed. I've enjoyed doing this blog entry in the past, but this time it was a little tougher. I don't know if I am becoming harder to impress, more impatient, or what. But there were so many episodes this time around that I just flat out didn't care for.

The next time I do this for my blog, hopefully my rotation will look much different. Amazing Stories will be off of Netflix. I should be done with Spider-Man (unless they add season 3). Orange is the New Black. Agents of Shield, Survivor: Heroes vs Villains, American Horror Story, Breaking Bad, and Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives should all either be finished with, or I should be very close to finishing them off.

In addition to these aforementioned shows ending, I look forward to Glee, Hell on Wheels, and season 3 of the Following coming out on Netflix. I'm also intrigued by the 100 and Bloodlines. So there are plenty of shows out there to plug the holes in my rotation. 

I like my rotation to be a little different each time I do this blog. Seeing as how I will be busy most of July and August, I will probably get my wish. Don't expect another update for quite some time. And when that update does come, expect things to look quite different.

Video Game Review: Silent Hill 2

Silent Hill 2

PlayStation 2

Silent Hill 2 was the first game I ever played for the PlayStation 2. I waited a year or so to get a PS2, as I usually do whenever a new console comes out. A girlfriend of mine actually got me the system for Christmas, along with Silent Hill 2 and Metal Gear Solid 2. It was a Christmas of video game 2s apparently.

I wasted no time in putting Silent Hill 2 to good use. I had been a major fan of the original game for the PS1. I'd played games like Resident Evil 1 and 2 before, so the idea of a scary game wasn't something new to me. But Silent Hill took things to a different plane. The game was not only scary and suspenseful, but disturbing as well. The deformed babies, the rusty "alternate" worlds, the static from the radio, the demonic enemies with their funny walks, plus the fact that everything was usually so dark or foggy that you could barely see 10 feet in front of you... the whole atmosphere of Silent Hill saturated me with fear. The game just had this uneasy, dreadful feeling associated with it that would settle in whenever I popped it in to play. It was a nightmare inducing game that legitimately scared me out of my mind. It had taken survivor horror to an all new level.

So obviously I was excited for the sequel. Not only was it a follow up to what I considered the scariest game ever made, but it was also my first PS2 title. Silent Hill 1 was great, but I could only imagine what could be done with the game on the new hardware.

I quickly learned that the original was no fluke - Silent Hill was still scary as fuck. Before I had even encountered a monster in the game, I was scared shitless. I remember long nights spent exploring the apartment complex towards the beginning of the game. I was often too scared to play more than an hour or so at a time. And Pyramid Head... don't even get me started on him. 

Eventually I did finish the game, and probably played it a few more times before I retired it from my game rotation. It has sat on the shelf collecting dust for 10 years now. I've played a few Silent Hill games since then. I loved The Room, was so-so about 3. I played one Silent Hill game for the PS3 that was more action based, and I hated it. But ever since I had started doing this blog, I kept thinking to myself - you need to review Silent Hill 2. Play Silent Hill 2. Play it! It's been so long.

The timing needed to be right. I needed to set aside a weekend for myself where I could play it at night with little to no interruptions. And the right time finally came this past weekend. I was cocky and thought to myself that I could beat the whole game in one night, but that didn't happen. Short attention span and all. It actually took me 3 nights to complete - playing about an average of 2 or so hours per night. 

While it definitely was not as scary as it was back in the day when I had played it for the first time, there is no denying that it is still a terrifying game.

For those of you not familiar with Silent Hill 2, I'll recap the story. A man named James has received a letter from his dead wife, beckoning him to return to Silent Hill and find her where she has been waiting for him. Understandably confused, James comes to the city and quickly finds himself caught in its supernatural web.

Everything about the place is just "off." The road has been blocked off, causing him to leave his vehicle at a rest stop and enter on foot. Everything is covered in a dense fog. Growling noises and other sounds emerge from the fog. I played this time around with headphones on, something that I didn't do when I played the game initially. I definitely noticed a lot more audio cues that would have scared me even more if I had been able to pick up on them on my original play through.

James encounters a woman in a graveyard on his way into town, and she says things that don't seem to make a whole lot of sense to him. There are several encounters like this throughout the game. Finally entering the town on foot, James encounters a creature that he is forced to bludgeon to death with a wooden plank. The town is filled with creatures, and the only clue to their existence is a white noise that emanates from a portable radio James finds and begins to carry around with him. You know there is an enemy nearby when the radio starts making noise. This causes a lot of scares in the game when you are walking around dark hallways and corridors, barely able to see what is happening. But then your radio starts pumping in that static sound...

James searches all over town for his wife. At first he thinks that she is waiting for him at the park overlooking the water. But she is not there. He then determines that she is at the hotel where they spent their last trip in Silent Hill, so he embarks to find here there.

Basically, you wander around this small city, looking for clues of where to go next. You fight monsters, you encounter random strangers who seem just as lost as you do, and you get the crap scared out of you. Locales in the game include an abandoned apartment complex, a bowling alley, a historical society, a jail, a hospital, a hotel, and more. 

All of these locales are scary. The lights are off, everything is abandoned, and creatures are waiting around every corner to jump out and make you piss your pants. The apartment complex is a great introduction to the game. You wander up and down the hallways, checking the doors, looking for rooms that are not locked. You encounter so much fucked up shit that really sets you on edge. People who have committed suicide, body parts from dummies strewn all over the place, creatures that move all jerky-like and randomly lash out at you. And there are puzzles. One particular segment that scared me is when you have to reach your hand in this eerie hole in the wall and pull something out. There is this bizarre banging sound going on that you do not know where it is coming from. Flies are swarming you. Tensions are high. I had to take a deep breath before reaching in that hole.

The scares never really let up for the whole game. Everything is so dark, that you can basically only see what the radius of your flashlight allows you to see. You never know what you are going to encounter until sometimes it is too late. Not only is the game scary visually with its monsters and corpses and all that, but it is scary to listen to as well. The music is creepy, the dialogue is unsettling, and that dang white noise from your monster detecting radio always keeps you on edge.

The game isn't actually that challenging, if you can work up the courage to play it. Enemies tend to go down pretty easily. When the game ended I had a major surplus of ammunition left over, so you don't need to be conservative with it. Health items are everywhere as well. And so many of the enemies you can easily elude or run away from. The puzzles are fairly easy as well, although there were some points where it wasn't clear what I was supposed to do or where I was supposed to go next. Thank god for Google.

The game looks good. Playing through it, I was surprised how well it has held up considering it was a first generation PS2 title. If anything the grainy look and feel of the game makes it seem even more authentic and scary. The controls are "tank" controls, which I know a lot of people don't seem to like. But I didn't mind them here, and in fact have never minded them in a game before.

If I had to make a complaint, it would be that the voice acting is cheesy in some parts. The conversations between characters make little to no sense. The whole plot and the resolution of it in general makes no sense. Is James dead? Is this all in his mind? Is it the afterlife? Is he real, but Silent Hill is just a supernatural anomaly? What is with the other people he encounters there? What the frick just happened??

I don't know. If anything I think the whole title is open to interpretation. I love the game, but I wish some of these questions had been answered. I am sure some people out there are fine with this, but I am not okay with David Lynch style things that don't make any sense whatsoever. I want things to be laid out in front of me and clearly explained.

There are several endings to the game, but I only have ever gotten one. I understand that the way you play influences the ending, so I guess I am always playing the same way when I play this. I take my time, I explore everything, I kill everything, save often, and I make sure I am always full on health and stocked up with ammo and other items. Apparently if you play more recklessly you get different endings, but I have yet to see them. 

This is not a lengthy title - it took me around 7 hours to beat on my most current play through. And that is with me falling asleep for over an hour early on in the game. But the game doesn't need to be long to be good. If you like exploring, if you like solving puzzles and killing monsters, you should like this. But you have to like to be scared too. 

Like I said, this wasn't as scary as it was the first time I played it, but it still made me jump out of my skin on more than one occasion. It's not all about the jump scares, the whole atmosphere of the game just permeates this sense of dread. Like you don't ever know what kind of fucked up shit is going to happen to you next. And this is what truly makes the game great.

If I had to make a list of the top ten scariest games I have ever played, this would be close to the top of the list, if not AT the top. I recall the original being pretty scary too, but it has been so long since I have played it. The first Resident Evil scared the bejesus out of me too. So it would definitely be a close race.

One thing that this game has going for it is Pyramid Head. If you are familiar at all with the series or with gaming in general you probably know who this is. A giant, silent, sword wielding stalker that has... a giant red pyramid on his head. His appearance doesn't make a lot of sense, but that is part of what is scary about him. You first encounter him in the abandoned apartment building, having a, err, carnal adventure with one of the mannequin looking enemies. You encounter him sporadically throughout the game, and each time his menacing appearance scares the shit out of you.

My scariest Pyramid Head moment, you aren't even in any danger from him. Shortly after encountering him the first time you come out of an apartment unit only to find him standing there motionless behind iron bars that cut the hallway in half. He doesn't move, he doesn't do anything. He can't even get at you from behind those bars. But just the fact that you come out the door and there he is standing so ominously scared the crap out of me. That was probably one of the biggest "OMG heart attack!" moments of the game for me.

That about covers how I feel about this game. If you like to be scared when playing a game, you have no excuse for having not played Silent Hill 2. This is an absolute must for all fans of the survivor horror genre. It is iconic, fun, scary as fuck, and has actually aged relatively well. There is a newish HD version out there for the PS3, but I have yet to play it, and I probably never will. It just works so well on the PS2 with the gritty picture quality and the low visibility. I imagine that playing the remastered version would be like watching the Night of the Living Dead in color. It just isn't the same.

Silent Hill 2 is a definite classic, and a candidate for the scariest game I have ever played. A few minor flaws, like the incomprehensible plot resolution, clunky battle system, and its short length keep it from getting an A+. But still, this game is legendary and one that should not ever be forgotten by fans of the genre.

Overall:

A

VHS Tape #3: Rudy Boesch Mix

My journey to document everything I have on my VHS tapes continues. This is the third of many.

(00:00:00)

 

Dave Chappelle Show. In this skit, Dave buys a special camera that allows him to see four things when he takes a picture of someone: someone's true self, someone's inner thoughts, the last person someone slept with, and where they will be in ten years.

 

COPS

- Blonde man on a bike is arrested outside a McDonalds for wreckless behavior on his bike. He has a bunch of credit cards and IDs on him that aren't in his name. In his backpack are bolt cutters and a flashlight. He also has a syringe and some drugs on him. Yeah, he is up to no good.

 

Small clip of Celebrity Poker on Bravo. The Creed singer is playing at the table. Tom Green is the first eliminated. That's all that is recorded.

 

COPS.

- Female gas station attendant is assaulted when someone she previously accused of theft (stealing a 12 pack) comes back and beats on her. The guy is found and arrested.

 

(19:17)

 

Clips of the Crocodile Hunter. The first clip shows two crocs fighting for dominance. You're going to see some really quick thinking in the second clip. The Crocodile Hunter sticks his foot into the mouth of a croc to keep it from locking down on a man's head.

 

COPS

- Crazy drugged up guy stands on the roof of a house and demands a shot of heroin. He is shirtless, has jean shorts on, and wild messed up hair. The police have to go up on a ladder and take him down on a stretcher.

 

*during the commercials for COPS, we cut to a short clip from the movie Harry and the Hendersons followed by an ad for Helios*

 

COPS (cont)

- Cops respond to a domestic violence call. The guy runs and hides in the woods. A K9 unit is called in, and the man is found. His face is blurred out, and he says weird things. "Do you work for them?" When they take him back to the station, he resists further and is taken down by a group of officers.

- 18 year old guy named Chris Jones harasses a woman with a shotgun and takes her car. When the cops find him, he's in his underwear and he then gets arrested.

- A shoplifter comes back to a store after being suspected of shoplifting earlier in the day. When the workers confront him, he attacks them, but gets taken down and held by the employees. The cops then come and arrest him.

- Prostitution stings. Jeff Goodin plays the john. He picks up an old white trash lady and gets her to offer him her services. She is then arrested. The next person caught is a dopey lady with a drug habit.

- A nasty old blonde lady is pulled over in front of a gas station. She has a whole bunch of kids in the car who are not seatbelted in. In her purse is a huge wad of cash, a gun, and a whole shitload of meth.

- An officer pulls over a car that had been stolen. Inside the car are two young black females. They try to run, and one is wrestled down by the cop. The other one gets away. They had stolen the car from a man because he had been trying to have sex with the girls, and they didn't want it.

- The cops are called to a house where a fight has been reported. Two retarded, hick brothers are at the scene and one is all bloody. Apparently they had been beating on one another. Both of the brothers are arrested.

- A car is pulled over with a couple of gangstas in it. The car smells like pot. One of the gangstas tries to run and is taken down to the ground before he can get even a few steps away. He had no chance!

 

(1:13:54)

 

Jerry Springer clip - Old granny steals a young woman's man.

 

COPS.

- The police respond to a domestic violence call. A Hispanic man gets drunk and punches out his own windows. When the cops look in the kitchen, they find a gigantic trashpile mess with bugs flying around. They tell the people living there to clean the kitchen or they will have their kids taken away from them.

- Black prostitute is caught with two men in a cemetery. One of them is really old.

- Woman calls the cops because she was assaulted by a guy and he ripped some of her hair out. They go to his house and he is laying on his couch pretending to be asleep. The cops have to get physical and pull him out of the house to arrest him.

 

Juke Joint Saturday Night infomercial clip

 

Funny Holiday Clip show

- Turkey starts a fire

- Grandma taps in her dentures with a beer bottle

- Old woman has a fat back that looks like boobs when the camera is zoomed in

- Funny cork popping clips

 

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Music Awards. He interviews people on the red carpet and insults them. He humps Justin Timberlake's leg and also calls Simon Cowell an asshole. He insults Eminem and gets pushed away. A fake press conference is held where he claims he got beat up by Eminem.

 

(1:39:47)

 

Jerry Springer clip - Old granny gets naked on the stage and dances

 

AFV. Holiday edition.

- Little girl pees in her favorite underwear and says that she's very mad

- Guy gets knocked out by a giant falling icicle

- Skinny old man poses in his underwear

- Basketball players launch the ball backwards over their head and make it in

- Music montage - funny moments on swings

- Little kid puts a lightning bug in his mouth and it lights up in there

- J A N I C E !!!!!! Fat kid in a roller coaster gets scared and starts falling out of his seat while the lady next to him laughs her ass off. Now this is comedy. "Stop it Janice! Stop it! It hurts, it hurts, this hurts!!!"

- Little kid on a bike crashes through a fence

- Lady plays a practical joke on her husband by putting rubber bands over the water sprayer on the kitchen sink, so it sprays him when he turns on the faucet. She gets him twice!

- Little girl farts in the bathtub

- Music montage (Pink Panther theme song) of people and animals doing funny things stealthily

- The Janice clip wins second place. Her name is Janice Sparks and she is from Georgetown Kentucky. It is a shame she didn't win.

 

Jerry Springer again. This episode focuses around Springer Cam - episodes that are filmed on location outside of the studio

- A mom crashes a trailer park wedding and destroy stuff & yells to try and stop the wedding. There's a food fight too.

- Woman camps outside her boyfriend's house and yells over a megaphone because he won't talk to her. A crowd starts to form. The best person in the crowd is this crazy old man who tries to talk some sense into her and says funny things. "I want a beer now!!"

- Steve saves a woman from an abusive husband with a very hairy back

 

(1:56:44)

 

AFV

- Basketball bounces across two rooftops and goes through the hoop

- Dog hides under the bed and growls to avoid taking a bath

- Seagulls poop on a dude's face and mouth

- Guy in a mullet tries to drive a bike off the back of a truck at the trailer park and crashes, face forward over the handlebars

- .Goofy looking friend gets hit in the face with a flying stick

- Music montage - people falling off horses

- Music montage - funny sledding clips

- 31 Christmas falls in 35 seconds

- Dog twirls around in the yard like a tornado

- Baby pukes in a swimming pool

- Guy screams like a girl on a roller coaster

- Body Waxing vs Cats Falling Into Aquariums

- Man scares his wife with an ugly mask

- Music montage - funny clips of people opening presents. The screaming retard girl is in this one! <3

- "Hard to Handle" music montage of funny karate mishaps

- 34 hits in 31 seconds

- Bunny plays dead and does sit ups

- Fat kid crashes a bike through a fish tank and breaks it all over the place

- Dog climbs a tree with his mouth

- Dog and bird hate each other

- Tiny little dog growls ferociously as it eats

- Little white dog holds his paws up when a guy says "freeze!"

- Music montage - bowling clips

 

(2:12:40)

 

COPS Greatest Moments

- There is a break in at a house located above a barber shop. The intruder is shot and tries to run away. He's a naked black man who is very muscular and clearly on some kind of drugs. It takes a whole squad of cops to wrestle him to the ground. "Put it in the papers!" he yells from the ground as cops are all over him.

- Lady gets tackled by the police and stabs herself with a knife

- Man in a leotard has his wallet stolen. Classic moment in COPS history

- One legged police officer pulls over a guy on a bicycle for not having lights on at night. The guy throws a crackpipe and tries to run, but the officer chases him down. The officer gets extremely winded, but he gets him! The guy being arrested accuses the officer of racism.

- Police chase a guy with a mullet through a yard. He gets pulled back as he tries to jump a fence and is tackled to the ground.

- Mexican guy with a knife stands off with the police on a highway. When they swarm him, he tries to stab a cop and is shot.

 

Short clip of Jerri Manthey from Survivor on the Surreal Life

 

(2:42:37)

 

COPS.

- Police pull over a car where people are smoking crack inside. One of the people is a transvestite. She tries to swallow the drugs and the cops take her down to the ground. Her wig falls off and she shrieks "I don't have nothing!" It's funny.

- Police respond to a call about a house on fire. The officer breaks out the windows to try and get the people out of the house. Only to realize that the house that's on fire is the next house over.

 

AFV

- Slow motion clip of a guy getting scared by a Halloween prank.

- Slo-mo clip of a woman almost getting trampled by a horse and run over by its carriage

- Cute/Sweet/Adorable meter. There is a gross clip in there with a kid eating hot dogs out of a fat man's belly button. Another gross one with a baby puking at the end.

- Funny pet infomercial

- Montage of people with funny laughs

- Montage of funny boating mishaps

- Montage of Halloween scares. This must be the Halloween episode, huh?

 

Jerry Springer. More of the little people episode from a while back. People in the audience pick on a midget that's dressed like a genie. How can they be so cruel?

 

(3:01:48)

 

AFV

- Funny clips played in reverse

- Babies Peeing vs Snapping Alligators

- Buttocks jiggles to music

- Video of a guy looking into the camera who can't figure out how to use it

- Weightlifting mishaps

- Kid pulls the chair out from behind an old lady

- Little kid picks nose while reciting the alphabet

- Little boy makes gross face after eating olive

- Musical montage of people stuck in compromising positions

- Man scares off birds at the park and gets hit with a bag by an old woman

- Dirtbike drives itself

- AFV classic clip of a man in an upside-down suit

- Another AFV classic of a bunch of people comparing big bellies. A pregnant woman wins.

 

Simon Cowell on Conan O'Brien. His interview with Conan is judged by a panel including Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Triumph insults Simon immensely, and Simon has no comeback.

 

Man Vs Beast. A show on Fox where man and beast face off in head to head competition.

- Champion eater Kobayashi and a bear engage in a hot dog eating contest. The bear wins.

- Sumo wrestler and an orangutan engage in a tug of war. The ape wins.

 

JKX

- The Dante episode. A man is Xed at a job interview. He is told that the man who does the hiring (Dante) has a lot of weird quirks and that he must follow these bizarre rules when talking to him.

 

Man Vs Beast

- A group of midgets try to pull a jet. They face off with an elephant in a race. It cuts off right before the race. I know the race is shown somewhere on a later tape. EDIT: It's on Matteo Tape (8)

 

AFV

- Cat meows and sounds like a person saying "I don't want it."

- Bratty girl eats candy despite being told not to

- Shaving cream gag

- Kid farts in front of the camera on Christmas

- Little dog screams while taking a bath and sounds like a child

- Tiger shoots pee through a fence right at the camera

- Drunken raccoon wobbles through the wilderness

- Cats on a fence fight

- Music montage of funny boating mishaps

- Dizzy Bats vs Dogs Swinging on Ropes

- Gator pees on a woman

- Cat wiggles its tongue at the camera

- Pastor drops a communion wafer down a woman's cleavage and tries to grab it out

- Kid touches a dog's butt

- Clips where the host's head is pasted on a bunch of accidents. One of them is a mullet tennis player.

- Music montage - "The Odd Couple". Funny clips of cats and dogs interacting.

- People Falling Down Stairs vs Hairpieces

- 32 table falls in 38 seconds

- "Get Physical" music montage of funny exercising clips

- Cat sleeps with its tongue very far out

- Baby kitty sleeps sprawled upside down on a man's chest

- Grandpas Gone Wild / Grandmas Gone Giddy

- Fat guy runs around in a diaper in front of his family

- Clip montage of little kids falling

 

(3:45:57)

 

Cops. Shots Fired episode.

- Man in a wheelchair fires a gun in a park and is gunned down and killed by the cops

 

Mad TV.

- Michael Jackson movie spoof "Honey I Touched the Kids."

- Stewart at the Chinese restaurant

- "I'm Sorry Mama" Eminem music video spoof featuring George W Bush

- "Lady Marmalade" spoof with the Mad TV chicks

- "World's Greatest" R-Kelly music video spoof

 

(4:02:31)

 

Jerry Springer. Old man dying of cancer confesses to his granddaughter that he's in the KKK and he hates her because she's dating a black guy. He also calls Jerry a Jew bastard.

 

Jamie Kennedy clip on Oprah. Jamie plays a guy in a bubble suit who goes to work out with a personal trainer.

 

A few clips of bad singers from American Idol season 2

 

(4:11:10)

 

Clip of Little John getting robbed at the gas station again. Apparently I have this on two separate tapes. Sweet!

 

Clip of the "hotter girls" showering on Survivor Amazon

 

More bad singers on American Idol. Apparently this part of the tape is very very random.

 

Back to Survivor Amazon. This is the tribal council where Daniel Lue gets voted off. He says he gets along with Matt the most because he speaks Mandarin, and that he feels outcasted because he's Asian.

 

Are You Hot. This is a show where people come out on stage one by one. The audience decides if they are hot or not. The people deemed hot come back later and get individually critiqued by the judges. Since there are so many contestants, I will only post the highlights.

- Gay Nick Brown

- Spicy Latina

- Hippy black guy and hippy blonde chick

 

JKX.

- Jamie plays a waiter at a restaurant and tricks a woman dining there. He speaks in a heavy Cajun accent that she can't understand. It makes her ordering very difficult to do. She asks for a manager and gets a flood of people who don't speak English. She gets mad after a while and wants to leave.

 

(4:22:22)

 

Back to Are You Hot?

- Gay Nick Brown is judged

- The hippy black dude is judged and they rip on him

 

Judge Judy clip. OMG I love this clip - it's hilarious. It is the episode where a guy gets into an argument with the judge and storms out in anger. The guy is such a dope and looks drunk or stoned or something. It's just funny the way it happens.

 

AFV

- Nerdy guy gets scared by a clown creeping up behind him

- Funny cat and dog clips

- Hidden camera catches people stepping on an upside down floormat in a hallway

- Piano falls off the back of a truck

- Little boy gets upset because he got a girls toy for Christmas

- Cat lays on vibrating ball

- Dogs attack furry slippers at Christmas. This clip goes on to win later.

- Teacher falls for the "water bucket above the door" gag

- Fat guy fooled by fake lottery ticket. He gets so excited when he thinks he won!

- Clip montage of people freaking out on roller coasters. Janice is briefly shown here!

- Dogs Playing the Piano vs Kids With Buckets on Their Heads

- Cute/Sweet/Adorable meter. A clip of a fat guy in a tub is deemed Vomitous. There's also a clip of a guy shooting milk out of his nose.

- Little girls scream "Uh-Huh" and "Nuh-uh" back at one another repeatedly

- Music montage - "Shout"

- Go ostrich, go ostrich, go ostrich!

- Fish jumps out of the water and hits a man on a boat

- Guy in a Michael Myers mask scares his friend

- Little boy poops in his pants

- Funny trampoline clip montage

- Cat gets flung off the butt of a horse. Clip is shown in slo-mo.

- Guy with a mullet at a warehouse crashes a power worker and is thrown to the ground. Strong man wants mommy!

- Girls fall off the top of a bunk bed

- 29 lens whacks in 33 seconds

- "Happy Together" music montage

 

(4:46:00)

 

COPS.

- The police catch two teenagers getting busy in the back of a truck with a black prostitute.

- Drug stings. Undercover officer buys drugs off random guys on the street and they get busted.

- HUFFERS~! Classic COPS moment, here. Two brothers who huff paint are stoned out of their minds and living in an alley behind a grocery store. They are really messed up and can barely understand the cop. It's silly.

- Cops arrest a crazy woman who is watching over a group of kids. When they come in, she is naked in the bedroom. When she comes out, she speaks nonsense and gets tackled to the ground. They call someone else in to take care of the kids.

- Prostitution stings. Blonde undercover hooker helps catch several johns. One of the cops who runs out to arrest people is wearing a Bert Emanuel jersey. One john is a cab driver. "What I do?"

 

(5:19:18)

 

Are You Hot?

- Scrawny surfer boy with long hair is critiqued

 

JKX.

- Jamie plays a dentist and X's an old black woman who is getting a check up

 

Hot or Not?

- Muscular black guy with dreads. Where are the chicks?

 

JKX.

- Jamie plays an exterminator who is training and X-ing a new employee on the job. The trainee is offput by Jamie's bizarre tactics, and then scared by a giant fake rat that comes crashing through the wall.

- Jamie plays a valet parker and X's a woman whose car he parks. He knocks out the window and claims it was because the keys were locked in the car and he has to get them out. She is irate.

 

(5:33:04)

 

AFV

- Funny cat clips

- Fountain sprays water behind an old lady and it looks like it is coming out of her ears

- Downhill Skiing vs Turtles Through Doorways. The distended abdomen clip is in this section.

- Guy laying in the sand gets his junk latched onto by a crab

- "Hot in Here" music montage

 

COPS.

- Thug tries to run from the police and is maced in the face. His face gets all shiny and ugly looking. The cops were originally called because he stole his brother's cell phone.

- Police are called to a store where a GIANT fat black man was caught shoplifting. He is being held in the back room and his gut and side are all hanging out. When he stands up and is being led out, his pants start falling down. Hilarious.

- Cops are called to a house where a young white couple in tie dye is fighting. She complains that he threw a cheeseburger at her. The cops resolve the fight and let him go.

- Redneck in a Florida Marlins baseball cap is pulled over. He gives the cop a sob story and lies about not having any drugs. When the police threaten to use a drug sniffing dog, he admits there is a blunt roach in the ashtray. He tries to give another sob story about his horrible life.

- Cops pull over a stolen vehicle. In the car are two females - a ghetto white trash chick who looks like a drug addict and a large dyke-ish black woman. They claimed they legally bought the car from a friend named New York Dave. Regardless, they are caught with a stolen vehicle.

- John Bunnell serves a warrant at a suspected drug house. They find a bunch of pot growing in the basement, along with a shitload of guns in boxes. The cops clean everything out, including the car, and leave a sarcastic voice message on the answering machine of the house.

 

*the tape starts to get fuzzy here because it's almost over*

 

COPS (cont)

- Man hides under a car and crawls out like an alligator. This is the beginning of the clip, the rest is not seen on the other tape. I left it on here because the tape was about to end anyway.

 

 

END OF TAPE