My Netflix rotation: a weekend in review #3

Well, I had said that I would once again do another blog about my Netflix rotation once I was able to finish with five shows. That time has come. I am now completely finished with Revolution, House of Cards, Cosmos, Star Trek: The Original Series, and Street Food Around the World.

House of Cards will return next year at some pount, but I am pretty sure the rest of the shows are out of the rotation for good. To fill in the empty spaces in the rotation, I have decided to cheat a little. I have a couple shows that have been saved on my computer for a while now, and I have decided to start watching through them. Though technically they aren't on Netlfix, they are a part of my show rotation and deserve to be recognized as such. These shows are: Survivor Samoa, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Hannibal.

To replace Street Food Around the World, I have turned to season 2 of the Diners, Drive Ins and Dives collection, which conveniently has just been added to Netflix. Usually I like to have an educational show, or something about the universe in my rotation. While I am finished with Cosmos, I haven't added a new educational show to replace it. I have enough stuff in my rotation as is. I also added Chuck back into the rotation. I had taken a break from it between seasons 2 and 3. Now the break is over and it is time to get back to it.

So my rotation is totally set. 19 shows, the way I like it to be. Why 19? I don't know. Ka? I used to not keep track, but when I did my first blog entry I noticed that it was 19 shows, so I am going to try my best to keep it at that number. I look to finish up a couple more shows by next month when Agents of Shield season 2 comes to Netflix. PLUS - Orange is the New Black season 3. I literally can not wait.

I am also going to write my thoughts on each series a whole right before I watch an episode, and then my thoughts on the episode afterwards. There are other small changes I have made to this as well. Hopefully this will make the blog a better read.

Without further ado, let's get started.

Season 3

Episode 10

"731"

We are going to start with the X-Files. This is a show that I usually watch towards the end of my rotation because I dread watching it so much. But I have a three day weekend ahead of me, so I am in no hurry. Let's get rid of it right off the bat.

I have been watching the X-Files for over 3 years now. I started from the beginning and I am only up to season 3, episode 10. This is a very slow rate. Compare it to Breaking Bad which I started about a month ago. I'm already halfway through the third season of that show. Why is it taking me so long to watch X-Files?

I'm just really not liking it that much. A lot of the episodes are slow and boring. Some don't have resolutions. The alien conspiracy theories are too abundant and hard to keep track of. Stop paying attention for a minute during some of these episodes and the show can get away from you. That's my problem. Short attention span + being bored = me not paying attention at all and losing track of what is going on.

But I am going to try my hardest now to pay close attention.

*watches episode*

OK, I have now watched the episode. I will say that I enjoyed this show a lot more than I usually do. I made sure to pay close attention, even though I did nod off towards the end. Me falling asleep while watching something is not indicative of whether or not I like it though. That's just something I do.

This was actually the second part of a 2 part episode. While I don't recall much of what happened in the first episode since it has been so long since I have seen it, I tried to not let that effect my viewing. Mulder jumps on to a train in the beginning of the episode. Why is he jumping on to a train again? Nevermind, I told myself, just go with it.

It was a solid episode. Both Mulder and Scully's investigations lead to the same place. To a man who has been experimenting on lepers. Mulder thinks alien crap is possibly involved. Scully doesn't. Part of the episode plays out on the train, with Mulder discovering a dead scientist and uncovering a test lab on the train. The lab contains one of the lepers (aliens?) and also a man claiming to be an NSA agent who tries to kill Mulder.

Scully in her search to discover who is behind the chip in her neck uncovers a leper colony. The lepers tell her that they have been getting killed off. A man had been experimenting on them prior to when the massacres began. We find out it is the same scientist that Mulder was going after (who is now dead).

The drama shifts to the train. There is a bomb on the train. Tensions are high between Mulder and the man who tried to kill him. I think we find out that the scientist was planning to give his research to another country, so the NSA guy was on the train to stop him. The train car is abandoned. The bomb goes off. We never find out if the test subjects are aliens or lepers. Both Mulder and Scully make strong arguments.

At the end we see the cigarette smoking man with a Japanese fellow who was somehow tied to the dead scientist. Cigarette man usually has something to do with aliens. Is that our answer? We shall see.

I did like the episode, as I said. All I have to do when watching in the future is pay attention and to not let myself get distracted by dumb shit like Candy Crush. I think all the people out there who like the X-Files are on to something and that I have been an idiot all along for not giving the show the attention it deserves. Granted, some episodes are bad. But this gives me hope that things will pick up soon and I will get sucked in like everyone else. I am very excited for the new episodes coming out soon, but I won't watch them until I finish all... uh, 9 past seasons first. And the movies. So it will be awhile. But I am glad they are bringing it back to TV after all these years.

Season 6

Episode 8

"Too Hot to Handle"

Now we watch the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon from the late 80s/early 90s. I grew up on this show. I loved it so much. I watched it every day. I rewatched episodes on VHS. I had the toys, the games. Everything. I was obsessed with the Ninja Turtles.

How do I like it now? Hmmm.... I should just leave it at that. But that wouldn't make for a good blog update so I will continue. I still like the movies and the games. But the cartoon hasn't aged well. The story line is not that interesting. A lot of the characters and scenarios are outlandish and just flat out stupid. The Channel 6 News people irritate me. The jokes are horrible, and the show just is not funny at all.

I should have let things be and not rewatched this. I feel as if my experience of watching it as a kid has been tarnished because it is so awful. Plus I am a completionist and once I start watching something I have to see it out to the end now matter how bad it is. So I am stuck watching a cartoon I don't even like anymore. Why do I do this to myself?

I downloaded this over 5 years ago when I was working the graveyard shift at a gas station. I often brought my computer and binge watched stuff I was interested in. I thought hey why not the Turtles, so I downloaded it. I thought it was bad from the get go, and I shortly thereafter left the job and stopped watching stuff on my computer. So despite having it on my computer for over 5 years, I still have many many episodes to go.

I guess it is a good thing I am adding this to my rotation for the blog. Maybe this can finally get me to power through it.

*watches episode*

It wasn't as horrendous as I had feared. This is one of those rare episodes with no Shredder or Krang. I like that. I was starting to get tired of them. And the stories on their episodes tend to be the dumbest.

This episode introduced Vernon's nephew, who is in town for a worldwide science fair. His invention pulls the Earth closer to the sun, thus dangerously heating up the planet. The invention is hijacked by the evil Dr Sofo, who attempts to use the object to destroy the Earth. But you guessed it, the Turtles save the day.

It was decently good time. I fell asleep again, but not because I didn't like the show. If I was a kid I am sure I would have loved it. Vernon's nephew was bratty but added some fun to the episode. I have to just look at the show objectively. Sure my tastes are a lot more refined now, but if I watch it for what it is, I should come away from it not hating it completely.

Season 2

Episode 2

"Unexpected Eats"

The second season of this show came up on Netflix at just the right time. My wife and I like to watch food or travel shows while we eat dinner, and we had literally just finished Street Food Around The World when this came on to Netflix. For whatever reason they took season 1 down, but that's okay because we have already seen it.

This episode had Guy visiting 3 restaurants. In the first segment, Guy ate ghost pepper seasoned chicken wings at a restaurant in Minnesota. They were so hot, it made him drink ranch dressing right from a bowl. He got it all over his face. I can't imagine wanting to eat something so hot that causes you physical pain to eat. No thanks.

The second restaurant was Guy's own restaurant. We know him as this rich food genius with multiple restaurants around the country, but this was his very first. He focuses on grilled onion tortilla things and also on little tacos that are like a fusion of Asian food and Mexican. One customer describes it like sushi on a taco. Sounds good to me! He also chats it up with his parents here.

The final restaurant is a hot dog place that serves supposedly the best chicken and dumplings. They also have lots of interesting looking jumbo hot dogs on the menu.

This is always a good, quick show to watch. I love food, especially unique over the top food. I would eat nearly everything they show on here. Well, not the ghost pepper wings. But it is fun to see all the nifty items on menus around the USA. I can never go wrong with Diners Drive Ins and Dives.

Season 2

Episode 9

"What's My Line?: Part 1"

I mentioned this in my last blog update, but Buffy is one of those shows that everyone loves and says that I absolutely have to watch. I gave it a shot since I tend to like Joss Whedon stuff, but the show still hasn't sunk its hooks into me yet.

Some of the special effects and makeup jobs look awful and corny. There are some solid stand alone episodes, but the story arc to me hasn't been that interesting yet. Supposedly the show gets off to a rough start but gets better as it goes along. Hopefully it gets better soon because at the rate I am watching this, it will take me 10 years to finish the show.

*watches episode*

I guess it is a good thing that I am watching all the shows I don't regularly like at the beginning of my rotation. Usually I save them for later and by the time I get around to them I am tired of sitting around watching stuff all day and I lose interest.

I enjoyed the episode. Buffy and her friends take a test that indicates what their future careers should be. While in the meantime, Spike continues to look for a cure for Drusilla. He sends away for 3 bounty hunters to come and kill Buffy because she keeps getting in his way. One of the bounty hunters is killed, but the second one locks up Angel and comes after Buffy. The third one has Zander and Willow in his sights. At the end of the episode, the second bounty hunter tells Buffy that she too is a slayer. The episode then dramatically ends.

I had a good time. The episode flew by and didn't seem like a 45 minute long show at all. Things proceeded quickly, the story was interesting. Even the banter between characters seemed a lot more natural than usual. For once when this show ended, I actually wanted to keep going and see that happened next. Maybe if I finish this blog entry with time in the weekend to spare, I will go back and watch the second part and tell you how I liked it.

This show needs more episodes like this. Hopefully this episode was an indication of things to come. People have to like this show for a reason right? I have faith it will get better.

Season 19

Episode 8

"All Hell Breaks Loose"

Everyone who knows me should know that I am a big Survivor buff. I have seen every episode of every season, and some seasons I have watched multiple times. I used to record the show and save it on VHS, but I stopped doing that several years ago. With everything being so easy to find online, I didn't see the point.

Over the years I slowly have been watching every season, starting with Borneo, from start to finish. I have worked my way all the way up to season 19 (Samoa). A lot of these "newer" seasons I have only seen once, so it is almost like watching this for the first time again. So many contestants from this season I don't remember. All I remember is the outcome, Natalie winning and my favorite Russell coming up short. I definitely don't remember Foa Foa losing so many challenges. This is the merge episode, so I am curious to see how they go from being outnumbered 8 to 4 to having so many people make it to the end.

*watches episode*

This has been a really good season so far. I have liked Samoa despite the lopsided nature of immunity challenge wins. There are a lot of great characters, plus obvious cracks in the Galu alliance. Russell and Shambo are my favorites. They really define the season for me.

The episode starts with Shambo expressing her dislike for Laura, and the 2 of them getting into a fight. The teams merge. Russell shows a bunch of people his idol as use for leverage to get him further in the game. But Laura isn't impressed, so he begins to target her. It looked like the vote was starting to come together when Laura won immunity and all hell broke loose.

Many different names fly around. Mainly Monica, Jaison, and Erik. But ultimately everyone votes for Erik after he vocally targeted Monica in an attempt to break up the Galu female alliance. Russell wastes his idol, but better safe than sorry. And if I remember correctly he finds the next one anyway.

Good episode. It was very hectic and all over the place. As a fan I like it when things turn hectic and lots of last minute scrambling goes down. I like to see how people react to all the pressure. The more unpredictable a season, the better. I knew Erik didn't last long so I wasn't surprised he was the first person to go at the merge. Galu made a bad mistake letting Foa Foa stay intact. They must not have seen Tocantins when another outnumbered team hit the merge and somehow destroyed the other team.

Survivor is always a good fall back show for me, when I want to watch something and I know I am going to always be entertained. Even after 30 seasons now I still am not sick of it yet.

Season 3

Episode 6

"Sunset"

Speaking of shows I can always fall back on and know I am going to enjoy, here is Breaking Bad. I started rewatching this a month ago, and I am making good progress. My progress has tapered off a bit though in the last week and a half. I think season 3 is the weakest season in the 5 year run of the show. Still, I can already tell you that I will enjoy the episode. Unless it is the fly episode, Breaking Bad is remarkably consistent and amazing from beginning to end. I bet you I am not wrong. I will like this episode.

*watches episode*

Yup. This was a good one. Hank tracks Jesse to his RV which is being held in the junk yard with all the broken down cars. Walt is there looking to dispose of the RV when Jesse shows up. Hank is on the outside of the RV, banging on the side of it and looking to break in. If he gets in and sees Walt, the game is over.

I knew that Walt would get out of it okay, but I remember the first time I watched this episode I thought it was very intense. Which it is.

I think I am able to put a finger down on what I don't like about this season. It's those 2 twins who don't say anything. They finally talked this episode, which was nice to see. But they are by far probably the worst thing about the entire series of Breaking Bad. On this episode, Gus is able to deflect them off of the "kill Walt" train and onto the "kill Hank" one. Since, you know, Hank was the one to actually kill Tuco.

Walt and Jesse call Saul, and he is able to lure Hank away from the RV by having his secretary pretend to be a nurse. She tells Hank that his wife has been in a serious car wreck. Hank leaves, and this allows Jesse and Walt to move the RV to where it can be safely destroyed. Crisis averted.

This series rarely fails to disappoint. Every episode brings something new to the table. The drama level and the tension of the series is palpable. I am glad I have decided to rewatch the show, because even knowing what is going to happen, I am still able to recognize just how well done the show is.

Season 7

Episode 4

"Sweet Dee Gets Audited"

I can't believe I am all the way up to season 7 of this show. This show is usually pretty fun and fast paced. Not all the episodes are funny. Some are just downright stupid. But for the most part I like it. Whenever I want to pop in something that is quick and easy to watch, this is always a solid option. Sometimes you need to lower your IQ every once in a while to achieve Netflix rotation balance.

*watches episode*

This episode is pretty much what you'd expect from It's Always Sunny. Dee gets audited by the IRS because she is claiming her baby (which she surrogated for someone else) as a dependent and is bringing in extra money.

Meanwhile the group is irritated by Frank making all the decisions and decides to start voting on things. They agree to help Dee make it look like she has a baby since they don't want the bar being investigated for tax purposes. When that fails, they stage a funeral for the baby.

The guys bicker, and the whole fake funeral sham is exposed when the coffin is knocked over and a dead dog spills out.

Low class humor, bickering among the characters, off the wall schemes.... what you see is what you get from this show. It is crass and politically incorrect, and it doesn't pretend not to be. This show is nothing earth shattering but it is fun for an occasional watch. It is a good way to make the time fly by.

Season 2

Episode 22

"Long Distance Call"

On we go to the Twilight Zone. I have already spoken my piece about this show in my last few blog entries. It is very hit or miss with me. But the hits tend to be really good. And there are so many iconic episodes. I will definitely keep watching, even if I have to suffer through some poor ones every once in a while.

*watches episode*

This was a fairly unmemorable episode. It wasn't awful or anything, it was just very middle of the road. The story starts out with an old woman who loves to coddle her grandson. Knowing she is going to die soon, she gives him a toy telephone for his birthday and tells him that she can stay in contact with the boy through the phone after she is gone.

She dies, of course. The boy is able to keep talking to her through the telephone, but she keeps telling him to do dangerous things like play in traffic and jump off a balcony. Presumably so she can be with the little boy in death and continue to coddle him. When the boy is seriously injured after jumping from the balcony, the father picks up the phone and makes an impoverished plea to his mother to return the boy to him so he can experience all the joys of life that he has yet to experience.

The boy then makes a miraculous recovery and the episode ends. It was a fairly entertaining story but nothing that really is going to stick with me for a while. I fell asleep in the middle of it and had to watch the rest the next morning when I got up. That's basically all I have to say about this episode. Time to move on.

Season 2

Episode 20

"Game Over"

Of all the cartoon shows in my rotation, this is probably the one I enjoy the most. It is funnier than the Clone Wars. It never takes itself too seriously, yet it is not stupid like the old TMNT cartoon. And I like all the crossovers with other Marvel franchises that happen frequently on this show.

I can already see based on the description on Netflix that Captain America and Wolverine guest star on this episode. I am very excited for that. Let's hope it is as good as I am hoping.

*watches episode*

It was good. It wasn't epic or anything but it wasn't a failure of an episode either. On this episode, there is a villain named Arcade on the loose who is a master of manipulating electronic equipment. SHIELD dispatches Captain America and Wolverine to go take care of him, but Spider-Man tags along despite being ordered not to. The three heroes are sucked into a video game-like series of battles and fights until they finish the game and make it to Arcade and defeat him.

I get the feeling I would not have liked this episode as much if it wasn't for Wolverine and Captain America. They both gave life to the episode and it was nice to see how in character they were. Captain America always does what is right. Wolverine is there with his anger and sarcastic comments. Having followed Marvel superheroes my whole life, Wolverine is one of my favorite characters so it was cool to see him on the screen for the episode. And in his classic outfit. This is the Wolverine I know, not the one from the movies.

Season 3

Episode 2

"Boy Parts"

If you read my last blog entry, you will notice that I haven't watched a single episode of season 3 since I started off with episode 1 about a month ago. I know that this show is likely better when you watch it quickly. Back then, I was busy trying to finish up House of Cards and Revolution, and whatever else I was watching. I wanted to be able to wait until I could watch this series without having other shows on the mind. And it looks like that time is finally coming. I actually had to rewatch the first episode again because I couldn't remember much of what happened during it.

But I enjoyed it a lot and I am ready to get the ball rolling on American Horror Story Coven.

*watches episode*

This was another really good episode. This show's stock in my rotation has definitely risen a lot after today. It seems like they have corrected a lot of the things that I didn't like about past seasons of American Horror Story. Everything is more cohesive, the parts seem to fit together more easily. I am very interested with all the multiple story lines, and want to know what is going to happen next.

I like how with the "immortal" characters, the show can flash back and forth between 180 years ago and today. The whole LaLaurie/Angela Basset (I forget her character's name) feud is awesome. Then there is what is her names story with trying to get pregnant. And Zoe's story with bringing the dead frat boy back to life. There is a lot going on here, and none of it is uninteresting.

Not only is the show really good but there is also a lot of good blood and death and violence which AHS is known for. This is definitely, to me at least, the finest season of the show yet. I have heard that it was good from a lot of different sources, and it turns out they are right.

Season 1

Episode 10

"Nelson v. Murdock"

Despite not knowing much about the actual Daredevil character, I have thoroughly enjoyed the show so far. It is very dark and edgy, a lot of gore and blood. It is completely unlike anything I have seen from Marvel yet. The story line has been less about super powers, and more reality based. I mean I guess Matt's hearing is still a super power. But it seems more like Batman than Thor or Captain America or anything we have seen in the Marvel-verse to date.

With only 13 episodes in the first season, I don't have much more of this left. But I really like it and can't wait to see where they go with this show. And I eagerly anticipate Matt's transformation from the man in the black mask to Daredevil. But apparently that doesn't happen till the end of the season. In the last episode I watched, Foggy finally discovered that Matt was the man in the mask. What happens next should be pretty interesting.

*watches episode*

Hmm, this episode wasn't as good as I am used to from this show. It wasn't bad by any means, but it had the feel of a show that was setting things up for the future as opposed to keeping us on the edge of our seat right now.

So, Foggy discovers who Matt is, but he doesn't call the police. He is angry at his friend for keeping secrets from him, and questions whether or not he is even really blind. Matt had to explain to Foggy that he has super hearing that at times can be just as good as, if not even better than actual sight. Like, for example, he can tell if someone is lying or not by the sound of his heartbeat. This we already knew, but it comes as a revelation to Foggy. A series of flashbacks to the early days of their friendship shows us how they became so close. It also shows us instances of Matt using his power of super hearing when the 2 were together, and Foggy being completely oblivious to the fact.

That's the main story of the episode. We see more of Fisk and his underworld dealings. We see Ben struggling to find out what to do with his dying wife (which I didn't even know he was dealing with until this episode). Again, this episode seemed more like it was setting up future events. Not a whole lot interesting happens here until the end, when people start dropping dead (?) at a dinner party Fisk is attending. His woman drops to the ground and foams at the mouth. Whether or not she is actually dead remains to be seen.

But it wouldn't shock me if she was. The whole series so far I have been waiting for something to happen to her. Something that would push Fisk closer to losing whatever semblance of humanity he still possessed. I think this will put him over the edge, and we are going to suddenly see him become a lot more ruthless and scary than he already was.

Three episodes left, and then the long wait until season 2 comes out begins.

Season 1

Episode 2

"Amuse-Bouche"

This is another one of my "cheating" shows. This isn't on Netflix, which surprises me a little bit. It seems like a show that would pop up on streaming, but so far it has not. I have heard the ratings aren't good, so it would seem natural they would put it on Netflix to get more people into it who weren't already. Oh well.

I'm a huge Silence of the Lambs fan. I have read all the books, seen all the movies. When I heard this was coming out my interest was immediately piqued. I don't watch a lot of live TV, so I was kind of hoping it would come to Netflix. When it became clear it wasn't, I took it into my owns hands to get a copy of this show for myself. I am a little late, but I am glad I'm finally getting to check it out.

*watches episode*

This was a pretty good episode. I have heard that there are a lot of creative murders in this series. We are off to a good start. In this episode, an evil pharmacist kills people by putting them into diabetic comas and then burying them in the dirt so their bodies grow mushrooms.

Sounds weird, but it was fun. The episode also focuses more on the psyche of Will Graham, and how investigating all these murders is taking its toll on him. Hannibal Lector becomes his psychiatrist at the urging of Jack Crawford.

The biggest surprise to me was Freddy Lounds being a woman. This is about as far from Philip Seymour Hoffman as you can get. Her story line was interesting, and it is becoming clear to see that she is going to be a major pest for the duration of the series.

I am not exactly jumping out of my seat over Hannibal yet. But it has started strong. And I have heard great things about it. I have faith it is only going to get better as it goes along.

Season 2

Episode 18

"Moving Day"

I feel obligated to say this every time I write an entry in this blog, but I will reiterate. I don't like sitcoms very much. I do like to have one in my rotation though as a change of pace. I settled on How I Met Your Mother because I heard it was smart as well as funny. I haven't watched an episode since I did my last blog entry. I am not really that invested in the show. If they took it down off Netflix tomorrow, I wouldn't care and it would basically be out of my head forever.

But that isn't to say I don't like the show. I could just take it or leave it. It is good for a sitcom, but this type of show isn't my favorite. Unless it is Family Matters, I think I look down upon anything with a laugh track.

*watches episode*

It was a good episode. Like I say I do like the show, sitcoms just aren't my favorite thing. In this episode, Ted and Robin are moving in together, despite Barney's protestations. Marshall and Lily find that they don't like living alone when Ted is gone. He did all the grocery shopping and a lot of work around the house. Barney hijacks Ted's moving van and forces him to go out to a night on the town with him. He tries to convince Ted not to move in with Robin. Eventually Ted and Robin do decide not to move in together after having a few disagreements. In the end, and all is well in the HIMYM universe.

There wasn't anything too special about the episode. If you like the show, you'll like this episode. The show is pretty consistent in quality. It will never be a go-to show in my rotation, but it is an occasionally fun change of pace. With this being 9 seasons, I have a feeling it is going to take me a looooong time to finish this.

Season 1

Episode 18

"Somebody's Watching"

I like this show but this is another one of those series that will never be a go-to rotation show for me. It is good for an occasional watch, but aside from a few random episodes, it has yet to really blow me away. I think my problem with the show is that there isn't really an overall story arc the show is following. Everything so far has been self contained in each episode. I like cliffhangers or things that are going to make me want to continue on and binge watch some more episodes. Breaking Bad is a good example of a show like that. I don't think the killer of the week format of the show will change as the series progresses, but hopefully they do find better ways to hook me and make me want to keep watching in the future.

*watches episode*

As a standalone episode this was pretty good. There was still no real hook to make me want to binge watch or anything. But I liked it.

A stalker in Hollywood is killing people who are associated with this young blonde actress. The team just so happens to be in town to teach people about profiling when they are drawn into the case. Many clues and leads are followed and eventually they discover that it is actually a woman doing the killing. She had a thing with the actress a few years back and had been obsessively following her ever since. Reid is the hero of the episode. He protects the starlet. He kisses her in the pool. And then he saves her from the stalker at the end.

It was good to have a Reid-centric episode. So far a lot of characters on the show haven't had much depth, but this was a good depth building episode for Reid. This episode didn't do much to improve Criminal Minds' stock in my rotation, but it did reaffirm for me that this is always a steady, solid show that I know what I am going to get from it when I turn it on.

Season 3

Episode 3

"Supply Lines"

If this had been on when I was a kid, I am sure I would have absolutely loved it. As it stands, it is a little too "kiddish" for me. I do like the show more than the prequel movies, but this is only something I watch every once in a while. I have to be in a certain mood to watch it. It's a shame too because I love Star Wars. I wish this show would appeal more to me.

*watches episode*

5 hours later, I have finally finished a 20 minute long episode. I kept falling asleep over and over again and had to keep replaying the episode. The episode itself was okay, but wow it couldn't keep me awake. Most of the main characters are AWOL here. The episode focuses on Bail Organa and Jar Jar Binks, who are acting as representatives for the Republic. They need help from the Toydarians to get supplies to Ryloth, who are under siege by the Separatists. The Trade Federation tries to keep the Toydarians from helping, but they sneak the ships through behind their backs.

Meanwhile on Ryloth, the Jedi and some of the troops fighting the Separatists die, but not before the supplies make it through to the people. I am a little disoriented from falling asleep for so long, but I think that is the gist of it.

It wasn't your typical episode in the sense that this one didn't have a whole lot of action. Mainly it was just Organa and Jar Jar talking to people. I do like how the hero Jedi and clones died at the end though. Usually on this show, the Jedi and the clone army win every battle without taking any hits, and it was interesting to see a few of them going down in the name of protecting innocent people. It almost brought a tear to my eye.

Season 3

Episode 1

"Chuck Versus the Pink Slip"

This is the first episode of Chuck that I have watched in a while. Season 2 ended and sometimes I like to take a break from a show between seasons. Now it is back in the rotation and its time to get the ball rolling again. I don't really remember what happened at the end of last season (didn't he get the Intersect removed?) so I am interested to see the direction the show is going to take in season 3.

*watches episode*

Apparently he didn't have the Intersect removed. Now Chuck can instantly download new abilities that he didn't previously know, like how to fight and how to play music and all that fun stuff. So it is the complete opposite of having it removed. What was I doing during the season 2 finale to have forgotten such an important detail? lol. I probably fell asleep.

So much has changed on the show. Chuck has shipped off to learn how to become a proper spy. However, he washes out and is forced to come back to live with his sister. Sarah has left him, and he has lost his job at the Buy More. He grows a beard and sits around eating cheese puffs all day before he is drawn back into the spy gig. He proves his worth and takes out an assassin, but not before the assassin kills Buster from Arrested Development. Is he really dead? How shocking.

So now things are kind of back where they were before. Chuck's at Buy More. He is working with Casey and Sarah again. And they are back on the case. But now he has new found abilities. Oooh. I liked the episode. I needed a little break from Chuck because it was getting a little stale in my mind. But now that I'm back watching a new season with new changes, I think I'm going to find the show a lot easier to watch.

Season 2

Episode 9

"Thanksgiving"

My cat was laying on me so I didn't write a "before" segment before watching the episode for this show. I just went ahead and watched it. I can't really say much about Amazing Stories that I haven't already. It's an anthology. Kind of like a bunch of little mini Spielberg movies from the 80's. Some episodes are pretty good. Some are crap.

This episode was decent. A girl and her mean step dad live alone out in the country. I guess we are to assume the mother is dead. They are out of water, so they go down in the well to dig deeper when they discover some weird kind of entities living in the well that give them riches. While the stepdad goes off to find a way to explore down there and take advantage of them, the daughter feeds the entities chicken and ham, and is given more riches in return.

The stepdad returns, and is once again a jerk to the girl. He goes down in the hole and disappears. The entities send up a note saying "thanks for the turkey" along with a mannequin stuffed with riches. So they ate the stepdad and rewarded her because they thought she was feeding them again. Ha!

I fell asleep twice during this episode so if I missed anything, sue me. But this was one of the good Amazing Stories episodes. The stepdad is a real jerk and I was hoping he would get what was coming to him. And that he did.

Season 4

Episode 4

"Planet of the Ood"

My opinion on Doctor Who varies from episode to episode. I don't think it is anywhere near as good as people make it out to be. Perhaps because I love more serious kinds of shows like Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones. The whole Doctor Who thing is just a little goofy for me. I actually prefer its spin-off Torchwood, and it isn't even close.

But as silly as the show is, it is capable of pumping out some good episodes. The last one I watched was stupid in my opinion, so I put the show to the side and haven't watched an episode for a few weeks. Maybe this will be a good one? But its about the Ood, who I don't really like. So my hopes are not high.

*watches episode*

So this was a lot better than I thought it would be. I thought perhaps it would be one of those silly episodes that I dislike because of the Ood, but it was fun. I liked it.

The Doctor and Donna visit an icy planet and discover that this is where the Ood come from. Humanity has set up a colony here and is processing them and shipping them out across the galaxy as slaves. The Ood seem content in their part, but after doing some digging the Doctor discovers that they simply are incapable of fighting back. And they are indeed being forced into servitude against their will.

So he frees them by releasing a giant brain from behind a force field. This allows them to begin thinking for themselves again, and to be released from their captivity. The Doctor and Donna then get out of dodge, their mission complete.

I definitely can see why some people are so gung ho about the show. I guess I just have to be in the right mood to watch it. Sometimes I can feel it, sometimes I don't. This was a good one though. It is still not a top tier rotation show, but maybe after I finish up a few other series first it will work its way up.

Season 1

Episode 9

"Full Hearts"

I had taken a long break from the show for several months, but now it is back in my rotation and I am liking it. On the surface it doesn't seem like something I'd enjoy much. I like football but I am not big on football centered fiction, whether it be in movies or TV shows. Weird, I know. Plus there is the whole high school / soap opera type thing going on in the background.

But it is good. It is a character based show, and the more I watch the more I want to see what is going to happen with some of these people. The show is heartfelt, and that is what I like so much about it. I'm not quite to the level yet where I am totally invested 100% but I am getting there. Hopefully this episode can keep it going.

*watches episode*

Another solid episode. Saracen continues to court the coach's daughter, and they go on their first date. Which is interrupted when there is a problem with his loony grandmother. But the coach's daughter (why can't I remember her name?) is kind of charmed by how he handles the situation. We learn a lot more about Smash when the Panthers come to his hometown to take on an opposing team. They are famous for their defense, and no one expects them to win the game. Here we learn about Smash's family, and how his dad died when he was younger and his mom moved the family away to get out of the ghetto.

Also, Lyla and Tim's affair is now public news. Both of them take major crap for it. Tim's car is smashed with baseball bats, and Lyla is heckled while cheer leading. Its nice to see them take crap for it because it was a dick move on their behalves. But still they are human and make mistakes, and they both feel bad about it. So it sucks to see them being belittled and kicked when they are down when they are clearly already feeling terrible about it. And the problem isn't likely to go away either.

The Panthers win the football game by the skin of their teeth, and celebrate off the field. But while everyone is riding an emotional high over the win, not everyone is happy with what is going on in their lives. It was a good episode, and it left me wanting to watch another one right away. That is always a good sign. I am starting to get to that level of 100% investment. This show's stock has risen greatly in my mind. It went from a series that I went on a long hiatus from because I was losing interest in it, to a show that is one of the few in my rotation that makes me want to binge watch more episodes.

That's it! It is Saturday morning right now and I have already gone through 1 episode of all 19 of my shows. It usually takes me the whole weekend to do this. I guess I really do have no life. Since I had a little time to spare, I did go watch the second part of that Buffy episode, and I liked it. So Buffy's stock in my rotation continues to rise.

Since I have a little extra time I guess I will rank my 19 shows on a scale of how quickly I think I am going to go ahead and watch more episodes.

1. Breaking Bad
2. American Horror Story
3. Daredevil
4. Survivor
5. Diners Drive Ins and Dives
6. Friday Night Lights
7. Buffy
8. Hannibal
9. Chuck
10. Spider Man
11. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
12. Doctor Who
13. Criminal Minds
14. The Clone Wars
15. Amazing Stories
16. How I Met Your Mother
17. The X-Files
18. The Twilight Zone
19. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


I will update this blog again at some point next month. Probably when Orange is the New Black comes out. By that time I will likely be finished with Daredevil and Survivor, and probably close to the end of American Horror Story and Breaking Bad. I like my rotation to look a little different each time I do one of these blog entries.

That's about it. I can't believe I finished this in such a short amount of time. I really need to get a life. See you next month!

Video Game Review: Golden Axe

Golden Axe

Sega Genesis

This game brings back a lot of memories. The first time I ever played this game, it was in the arcade. I was at the Wisconsin State Fair. Instead of walking around, going on rides, eating fun food on a stick or socializing, I pumped all of my money into Golden Axe. The big buttons, the joystick, the loud music. The random kids who would join my game and then lose their lives only to be replaced by other random kids. But I was the constant. The first one there to start the game from the beginning. And the last one standing. I remember beating the game and having a great time.

Time passed and eventually I was able to rent this game for the Sega Genesis. I don't remember much about my time with it on the home console, but I can recall thinking that it wasn't as fun as the arcade. No surprise, right? In the arcade the graphics are better. Plus you had the whole social aspect of being watched or playing the game with other people.

Before popping this game in for the Sonic's Ultimate Genesis collection on the PS3, I looked back on Golden Axe fondly. The arcade version, the home version. It was fun.

Riding the dragons was my favorite part of the game, although I always seemed to get hit and lose them almost immediately. I remembered there were 3 characters you could pick from. The strongman, the female warrior, and the dwarf. When I was young I think I played as the dwarf, because - come on! He's a dwarf. That is awesome. Especially for a kid. But beyond the basic format of the game, the dragons, and the characters, a lot of the details of the game escaped me.

This is a TMNT/Final Fight style side scrolling beat em up. You move left to right, you can go up and down, and basically you beat the shit out of your enemies. Nothing new there, except for the medieval/fantasy setting. You could play as the aforementioned 3 characters, each with his or her own unique strengths. The strong man is the most well rounded. He is tough and has the longest reach. The female warrior is faster and more agile, but weaker. The dwarf is powerful and strong, but has such a short reach. Each character handles magic in a different way as well. So really each time you play the game, you could conceivably have a unique experience based on who you chose to play as.

There is a story line to this game, but it is relatively weak. Back in the day, games were more about the actual game play than the story, and Golden Axe was no exception. Basically there is some powerful bad guy named Death Adder who is killing people and doing a lot of bad things. And it is your quest to stop him.

The basics of the game are simple. You start out with a small amount of magic. The magic can be used in times of crisis or in boss fights. It bales you out if you are getting hurt and does massive amounts of damage to all the enemies on the screen. As the levels progress, you can pick up magic bottles to make your magic attack more powerful. You can stockpile magic to unleash a stronger attack, or you can use magic more frequently but it is weaker each time you use it.

As mentioned, each character has a unique strength level and unique weapons with their own varying degrees of length. Unlike other games of this genre, you can't pick up extra weapons to deal damage to your foes. No, no. The way Golden Axe handles this is much cooler than your average game. Every once in a while you will fight a dragon riding enemy. If you knock the enemy off the dragon, you can commandeer said dragon and use him yourself. Some dragons are cooler than others. There is one who whips with his tail, which I don't like as much. Others spit fire. If you get hit once while on the dragon, you fly off and the enemies can hop on the dragon and use it against you. Of course, you can reclaim the dragon. If you get knocked off it 3 times, however, it runs off and is gone for good. This happened to me more than I would like to admit. It's a cool gimmick and I kick myself for wasting it every time I got the chance to use it.

So you have your basic attacks. You have your dragons and your magic. What else sets this game apart? The whole theme and setting of the game is worth the price of admission. The awesome fantasy world seems very deep and alive. You've got your typical forests and castles, but you also have cool looking dungeons, high caverns with dangerous falls, and even a village built on the shell of a giant turtle. Enemies consist of armored spiky looking dudes, skeletons, dragon riding dominatrixes, and giant brutes. In between levels, your character camps out for the night and is able to steal potions and health items from these pesky little thief guys that try to sneak in and steal your shit. These bonus stages are no challenge whatsoever, but they add character to the game. And its good to get free stuff. Which you will need.

The AI in the game is maddening at times. Without fail, whenever you fight more than one enemy at a time, they will flank you from both sides. I had to resort to cheap tactics to win, like spamming the same jump attack and shoulder slam over and over again to knock the enemies away. If you try to engage each enemy in hand to hand traditional combat, you are going to get pummeled from behind. This is a fact. The sooner you pick up on this, the better you will do. I had to turn health up to 5 bars rather than the traditional 3. I usually like to leave things on default, but I definitely needed the extra health since this is a challenging game.

Nowadays the game may not look like much, but to me it withstands the test of time. If it is ugly it fails. But this is not ugly. It's not overly pixelated. The detail level is nice. It looks decent actually. Sure it is old, but that doesn't always have to be a bad thing. It has charm.

One part in the game I like is when two of these barbarian looking enemies bust out of a door labeled Deb. I am a fan of Debb Eaton from Survivor, who is the legendary queen of anal beads. It always makes me chuckle and think of her when I see it. Google it and you will see what I am talking about. If not, then this will forever remain an inside joke.

Golden Axe isn't that long, but that's okay. Playing with another player is a lot of fun. My pal Jeff and I had a pretty good time playing the game together - although admittedly we sucked and didn't make it to the end. I think we made it to level 6 (there are 8 total levels).

I was able to finish the game in single player though. I had a good time with the game and had no issues with it.... until I reached the final boss. Words can't describe how much I hate this fight. I have played a lot of games and this may very well be the most unfair, overly difficult, RIDICULOUS final battle I have ever encountered.

I can't remember if I beat Golden Axe while playing on the Genesis as a kid. Even playing on the PS3 where I can save right before the boss battle I had a hell of a time finishing the game. We are talking chuck your controller through the TV level of difficulty. I screamed, I shouted, I swore. I pissed off my wife and scared the cat out of the room. I wanted to give up but I powered through it until the 50th attempt where I somehow finished him off on my last bar of health. I can simply not fathom beating this game on the Genesis when you have to start over from the beginning of the whole game each time you run out of continues.

It is absurd. I can't recall being more frustrated by a moment in a video game. Fuck whoever thought this unfair shit was a good idea. You have a giant boss who can take off 1 or 2 full health bars with one swing of his weapon. Not only that, but he also shoots electricity at you. And not only that, but every time he hits you he summons a magical attack that you can't dodge and takes even MORE health from you. All the time while you are fighting him, you have to deal with 2 immortal skeletons that you can't destroy. Attack the boss, and they will hit you from behind. You can barely get a hit in without losing half your life. It is maddening. I made it to him with 4 lives total left and it took me forever to get this.

But somehow I managed. I wanted to smash the game in half, throw things around the room, and destroy my controllers, but at least I had that much restraint to not do so. I was fuming and throwing a tantrum though, not gonna lie. But beating the game filled me with a strong sense of accomplishment. The ending sequence is okay, and then before the credits they tell you the name and stats of each character. I couldn't help but have a chuckle when I saw that under "belongings" for the Blue Thief, it says pot. Heh.

So when coming up with a grade for this, I struggle a little. It is a good game. I have nice memories of it. But that final boss really killed almost all of the enjoyment for me. I probably would have rated it in the B range if it weren't for that last battle. But just for that, I am saying screw you Golden Axe and dropping it to a C.

If you played this game when you were younger, pick it up. It is a nice trip down memory lane. If you are younger you may want to skip it with so many great games out there, but still you could do a lot worse than this. If you have the Sonic Genesis Collection for the PS3, then for sure give it a play. It is a fun time with friends, especially. And don't forget to get on those dragons!

Overall:

C

Video Game Review: Tomb Raider Legend

Tomb Raider Legend

PlayStation 2

The original Tomb Raider formula produced a lot of great games, but after a while people started to complain that they were too similar and that the series needed a change. I for one liked the old Tomb Raider games and played them religiously (well, except for The Last Revelation, because fuck that game). But unlike a lot of people, I think change is good. And I looked forward to seeing how they would shake things up with Tomb Raider Legend.

A fair comparison to this game when it first came out would have been Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Nowadays, this game brings to mind Uncharted. Gone are the "grid" layouts of the levels from the older games. Lara controls much, much better than she used to. You don't have to be as precise with your movements and the timing of your jumps. She hangs, swings, moves fluidly from ledge to ledge, hangs on to things automatically. She also has a nifty grappling hook she can use to swing over chasms and pull objects closer to her. After the sometimes brutal difficulty of the older games, a lot of which had to do simply with the control system, Lara suddenly became a lot easier to handle. 

The series needed a change. In retrospect, they couldn't have continued on with the formula of the old titles. Lara needed to get with the times. I played this game when it had originally came out, and I thought it was terrific. It had upgraded one of my favorite games and had kind of given the world a glimpse as to the full realized vision of Tomb Raider.

I was so swept up by the game that I didn't see its glaring flaws. Compared to the older Tomb Raider games, it is laughably easy. The puzzles require little to no thought at all. I never got stuck while playing, never had to search online for what I was supposed to do next. Despite the control upgrade, the battle system remained the same. You pulled out your guns, they locked on to the enemies, and you held down the fire button. You can basically just stand there and blast away at your enemies and come through the battle intact. And the game is SHORT. Like, really really short. Anyone could easily beat this game in 6 or 7 hours. Which for a Tomb Raider game is like the blink of an eye.

So. We have established that when Tomb Raider Legend came out I thought the game was terrific. I didn't see any of those flaws. It is only in present day that I took issue with the game. When I first played Legend (it came out in 2007) I beat the game and never picked it up again. I was content that I would come back and play it again at some point. I usually will play a game at least twice before I pack it away or sell it off. But due to a dearth of gaming options, I never got around to Legend again.

Until now. 2015: 8 years after I had played it last. 

I should add that I played this on the Tomb Raider HD Collection for the PS3. I mention this every time I review a game that is re-released. When it is basically a graphical update with no significant changes, I will credit the review to the original version of the game. Unless the game is significantly different. But for TR: Legend, I deemed that the game is too similar to the original to consider it a PS3 title. So basically I am reviewing the PS2 version. OK, now that that is out of the way, we can proceed.

The game holds up... kind of. It's a fun game, don't get me wrong. But after having just played Uncharted 2, there is no way this game can compare. It is too easy. It's ridiculously short. The graphics are way behind the times (although I won't go and say they are ugly; they are not. They are just not as lush and detailed as we are used to these days). And the storyline doesn't interest me at all. I completely zoned out during some of the early cut scenes and lost track of what was going on. Something about Lara pursuing the lost sword of Excalibur, and of course racing against a bunch of evil doers who want to get it before her and manipulate its power. But I stopped caring after a while.

It seems like all I am doing here is complain. I will say that for the most part I had fun playing it. It's not an all time great but if you just play it for what it is, you might like it. The levels are all pretty varied and diverse. The graphics aren't Uncharted, but they are decent. The atmospheric feel of the game is pretty nice. And who knows - maybe someone who can actually pay attention when people are talking might like the story. There are hidden collectibles to find left and right. I don't remember much about the original version of the game, but on the PS3 they offer trophies as incentive for going through and beating the game on Hard, playing through the time trials, unlocking all the outfits, and finding all the goodies. So while the game is short, there is replay value here.

Basic gameplay consists of running through levels, shooting baddies, and jumping from ledge to ledge making your way to the end of the level. You can collect stuff if you choose, but its not necessary. You pick up extra weapons. Nothing too exciting. Just shotguns and machine guns and the usual fair. Oh and you can pick up grenades too. But I kept forgetting about them and I think I didn't use one to take out an enemy the entire game. At the end of each stage there is either a group of enemies you must take out, or a traditional boss that you must defeat using either your guns or the environment around you. I did enjoy the boss battles in this game. 

And who doesn't like quick time events?

*looks around*

To keep you on your toes, the game throws one in there every once in a while during a cut scene. Nothing too complex or challenging. Just enough to make you feel like part of the action when normally you'd be watching from the sidelines.

Overall, I enjoyed the game. I wasn't nuts about it, but it was all right. I just couldn't get it out of my mind that I was playing a poor man's Uncharted (although this came out before Uncharted, so I know it is an unfair comparison). But all comparisons to that other series aside, this was fun. I liked it a lot more when it originally came out. It was fresh, exciting, and a fun new direction for the Tomb Raider series. Now, the series has been rebooted a second time (with the simply titled Tomb Raider for the current/last generation systems) and it feels a little dusty. 

I have to look at it in perspective though. Yes, it is an older game. Did I have fun? Yes. Did I ever at any point chuck my controller at the wall and curse the game designers for making such a heaping pile of crap? Nope. Did I ever dread popping this in and playing it when I had nothing else to do? Nope. I had a decent time. This game is short and likely not very memorable at all. I will never look back at this and think "wow that Tomb Raider Legend was so awesome". So it is definitely not a classic.

But a fun waste of 6 or 7 hours if you are a fan of the genre? For sure. And it will last even longer if you want to unlock everything the game has to offer. Which I am still undecided if I want to do or not.

Overall

C+

Funny Cable Tape (2)

OK like I mentioned before, I have a huge amount of VHS tapes sitting around my house. The last several years I have been going through each one and writing down what is on each tape. This is #2 out of.... what? 50 something? There are a lot of Cops episodes, along with the shows I'm With Busey and MXC. This is also the tape where I have the news footage of Lake Bluff Station (where I used to work) getting robbed. Enjoy.

(00:00:00)

Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (which will from now on be referred to as MXC). This is a game show where a bunch of crazy Asian folks run through obstacle courses and engage in other silly competitions against one another. Most of the competitions are failed. And in a painful manner. The players are usually split into two groups. For example, in this episode, High Tech vs Civil Service is the theme. The announcers for this show are dubbed over American voices that make nonsensical jokes and comments about the players as they get the crap beaten out of them. And they give them funny names. So yeah, this show is right up my alley. This isn't the full episode, just a few broken up clips of it.
 - Dope on a Rope is the name of the first segment. Contestants swing from a rope and try to land on a small ledge over the water. Most of the contestants fail.
*during the commercials, it cuts over to a clip of Reno 911 where the cops are arresting some guy sitting in his backyard while watering his lawn with a hose*
 - The contestants sumo wrestle. Circle Jerk, I think this segment is called.
*back to Reno 911 during the commercials. Trudy pulls over a car, but it gets away because she didn't put her vehicle in park. The tape then cuts to a small clip of baby tigers nursing on Animal Planet. How cute.*
 - Contestants rush across a series of rotating boards. Hank the Happy Hemorrhoid! Rarge and in charge.
*Reno 911 during the ads again. So much skipping around! One of the cops arrests a cross dressing tattooed Jew with a wig. I imagine this is a lot more common than it sounds.*
 - Brass Balls. Players run across a bridge while balls are fired at them with a cannon to knock them down.

(14:05)

I'm With Busey. This is a reality show about Gary Busey. It should have lasted a lot longer. This show is amazing! Gary Busey is so damn crazy, it's awesome. In this episode, Gary tries to get his sidekick Adam to overcome all his irrational fears. Here's how:
 - Gary takes Adam into the woods and plays bike chicken with him.
*in the commercials we cut to some clips of MXC. Travel vs Circus Industry. The first part, the players dress as giant birds and try to drop eggs into a nest while swinging from a rope*
 - Gary threatens Adam with a knife.
*back to MXC during the ads. Contestants must roll on a surfboard and not fall over the edge of a ledge*
 - Gary tries to get Adam to freeze him in ice.
 - Adam and Gary play out a fake death scene to help Adam overcome his fear of death.
  *MXC, again. Players hang from a giant cob of corn, and try to let go and land on a platform in the water. The tape sharply cuts to a Howard Stern interview where they ask crude questions to some tall old guy at an awards ceremony*
 - Back we go to Busey. Yeah, the early part of this tape jumps around a lot, I know. Luckily this doesn't happen much on upcoming tapes.
 - Busey takes Adam to a destruction derby and forces him to participate. "This is fun."

Crank Yankers. This is a show where crank telephone calls are acted out by puppets on screen, depicting both sides of the conversation.
 - A blind lady tries to get a job at a strip club. But the catch is that they have to allow her to bring in her seeing eye dog. The picture is very shaky during the next two clips.
 - A man named Niles calls a painter and tries to get him to paint a nude picture of himself.
 - Special Ed prank calls an old man and calls him a lady and makes fun of him.

(41:14)

Reno 911. These are just a few small clips of the show, The tape is very shaky here too. Trudy meets a dork who she is romantically interested in. Officers toy with a corpse at the morgue. Hey, A Silence of the Lambs joke is made! A prostitution sting backfires. Officers teach gun control at a school.

(54:18)

I'm With Busey. Lessons from life episode. The tape continues to shake.
 - Gary throws a book down a hill. "We're past college right now!"
 - Gary talks to college kids at a coffee shop and tells them that the best way to learn is to put aside their books and get out there and learn
 - Adam and Gary take tests to determine if they have any psychic abilitiy
 - Adam and Gary cook breakfast at a diner and fail miserably
 - They play football too
 - More Busey ramblings before he goes back to college at the end for a party

(1:15:16)

Clip from Animal Planet of a little koala bear. They finger its butt. Ewww.

Random clip of some TBS show. In it, two woman participate in an Alaskan nose pull. Look this up if you don't know what it is o.O

MXC. This is only, like, half an episode. This is an early tape. These little clips of episodes suck, I know. I have actual complete episodes on the tapes to come. Anyway, this is the Cops vs Cons episode.
 - Giant Roulette wheel
 - Legal Maze
 - Blind Tug of War through a wall

(1:25:27)

Crank Yankers
 - Man calls a scientist claiming that he was kidnapped by aliens.
 - Woman calls a perfume counter to complain that she has developed a vaginal rash caused by perfume that was sprayed on her

Jackass.
 - Man runs around the city in a gorilla suit and dances
 - Extremely fat man chases a small midget through a busy city
 - The guys build a slingshot that is supposed to launch people into a pond, but it doesn't really work

Reno 911. The tape once again gets shaky just for this show. Musta been the way I recorded it.
 - Colored People Time (CPT)
 - Weigel tries to kill herself
 - Two officers (the black lady and the white guy with the 'stache) go undercover at a party
 - Weigel shoots a man robbing a store, before admitting that she didn't really try to kill herself

(1:50:03)

Random clip from the beginning of an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Data looks frazzled.

Stand Up comedy on Comedy Central. Rich Voss tells some jokes. This guy was on Last Comic Standing.

I'm With Busey. The trust episode. Gary wants Adam to trust him more.
 - Adam and Gary go to a psychologist
 - Gary asks Adam to take 300 dollars out of an "ATF" machine. Gary then takes the money and gives it away to random strangers
 - Adam climbs up to an eagle perch and jumps off. Screaming Eagle!
 - Adam admits he stole his friend Sean Lennon's shoes as a kid. Gary then gives away this secret and causes Adam's friends to get mad at him. Busey acts really silly in the diner while doing all this. It's hilarious!
 - Gary and Adam go on a road trip and get a flat tire

(2:11:20)

The Man Show. Joe Rogan plays a TV psychic who tells secrets about people in the audience.

Conan O'Brien show - funny Andy Richter clips.

Reno: 911.
 - Deputy Johnson becomes engaged to a white trash criminal guy
 - Cops come to the door of a hotel room and arrest a man who's filming a porn with himself and a blowup doll. He's crazy and oiled up.
 - The officers play a song for school children. "Don't Mess with Meth, Beth."
 - There is a bachelor party, and one of the cops is a male stripper
*during the commercials we cut to a Triumph the Insult Comic Dog special. Highlights are shown from when he asked questions to people in line at a premiere for one of the Star Wars movies. Also, there are highlights from when he was at the Westminster Dog Show. He humps the legs of many dogs at the show*
 - The wedding happens and then the episode ends.

(2:36:53)

MXC. USA vs World Team. A full episode for once!
 - Sinkers and Floaters. Players must run across a series of rocks in the water. Some of the rocks are solid, and some are "fake" and cause anyone who tries to run across it to fall down. The stoner guy in this clip is my favorite. A different guy falls down before he even begins to run across the rocks. I should mention before we proceed any further on these tapes that each episode of MXC always has someone with the last name Babaganoosh in it somewhere. I'm going to keep a running tally of how many of them I have in tape. This segment of the show has our first Babaganoosh.  Kezemek Babaganoosh! One down, many more to go.
*during commercial, there's a clip of Jack Black acting goofy*
 - Dope on a Rope
 - Dash To Death. This is a pretty fun looking obstacle course.
 - Log Drop. Players run across a bunch of spinning logs. There are usually a lot of hard falls in this segment.

(2:52:40)

MXC. Toy and Game Makers vs Office Workers.
 - Holes of Glory
* tape cuts to Reno 911 in the commercials. Funny prostitution sting*
 - Skidmarkers
*More Reno 911 during the commercials. The blonde cop goes into a porn store and tries to get the worker to talk about pot*
 - Back to MXC for the third time.
 - Log Drop. There is a big, belching Asian lady who takes a huge fall.
 - Chum in the Mouth. Hayjee Babaganoosh is in this segment! That's 2 now.

(3:11:17)

Clip from some soap opera. A crying woman sings Iris from the Goo Goo Dolls.

Clips from the Howard Stern television show
 - Howard interviews the girls from the show VIP. So much jack material here from when I was younger.
 - Rapid fire highlights from interviews with several guests.
 - A bunch of guys take place in a contest to sleep with the porn star Houston. A black guy who can't cum during sex wins, but Houston is on her period. He has to settle for a beej. And he does finish!
 - Crackhead Bob dresses up like Elvis at Graceland, and pretends to be the long lost cousin of Elvis.
 - Hero of the Stupid: Steve Martin. Here of the Stupid is a segment where they ask rude and classless questions to celebrities to try and frazzle them.
 - Jason Alexander clip
 - Filthy 3D Joke Man tells a joke
 - Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf does a promo for the show and messes up repeatedly
 - Howard sings a parody of the song Glycerine. It's called Listerine and is about Gary's teeth.
 - Filthy 3D Joke Man again
 - Howard interviews a big girl with massive breasts who wants to be a model. She shows them. More jack material from when I was younger.
 - Hero of the Stupid: Don Cornelius
 - No one knows who Jon Stewart is
 - Nerdy dude named Mise eats bugs
 - Hero of the Stupid: Cindy and Joey Adams

(3:42:38)

Punk'd. Seth Green is set up for the blame when an illegal craps game is raided by the authorities.

Jimmy Kimmel Show - Bobcat Goldthwaite is interviewed. A fake preview for Police Academy 19 is shown.

An MPTV clip of some dude learning yoga in India

A Discovery channel clip of the marooning of Selkirk. He is haunted by trippy images of cats.

MXC. Wedding vs Trucker Industry
 - Tricycle race. Guy comes from way behind after falling down to win.
 - Brass Balls.
 - Nut Baggers. Taboule Babaganoosh is in this segment. That's three!

MXC. Hobbyists vs the Food Industry.
 - Sinkers and Floaters. Yellow Babaganoosh is one of the first few contestants. Yay at not having to wait long for him! That's four now. Apparently that's all I got of this episode, because the tape moves on to something else after the first commercial.

(4:08:26)

News footage of when Lake Bluff Station gets robbed. Little John is a TV star! K'you!

COPS
 - A man hides under a car and crawls out like an alligator. He becomes short of breath after admitting to taking drugs, and is taken off in an ambulance.
 - A man with a cap gun is arrested while sitting at a picnic table in the park. He had been threatening people at the park with that gun.
 - John sting. You know, where they arrest guys who pay hookers for sex. The first guy arrested is an old man looking for "Hokey Pokey." The second guy is a young Hispanic dude who tries to run away through the parking lot while handcuffed.

Clip from Jenny Jones. Fat black girl does a a somersault and it is showed on replay several times.

Reading Rainbow Clip - "Come Away From the Water, Shirley".

Random Sesame Street Clips, including a song about bananas

Exercise show from the 80's, highlighted by a dude with one of the best mullets ever

America's Funniest Home Videos (which will be hereby referred to as AFV). Due to the huge volume of clips they show over the course of an episode, I will only be writing down the highlights from each show.
 - Kid picks his nose and wipes the boogers on his baby brother's head
 - Little boy fills up his brother's diaper with a hose
 - Funny montage of wedding and couple clips, set to the tune of the song "Shop Around"
 - People are tricked into thinking they have won the lottery
 - Tom Bergeron looks at several clips in slo-motion. One of the clips is a lady getting hit by a pinata that is knocked off the string. Another is of a guy narrowly getting out of the way of an out of control car in the mud.
 - Funny sports clip musical montage

(4:35:39)

COPS
 - Man is arrested for trying to break into a store by knocking a hole in the wall outside
 - Police respond to a shooting call in an old abandoned building. The man had been shot while breaking into the apartment next door.
 - Pizzeria workers call the cops when they spot two people who fit the description of two people who robbed a different pizzeria. The guys are found at a nearby gas station and arrested. One has a mullet, and the other is a dude in a tie-dye shirt.

(4:49:35)

Clips of ESPN's World's Strongest Woman competition

Real TV. An old fire blower lies in bed and lights his face on fire while trying to perform his trick.

Clips from the religious channel. Jamaican guy babbles on about something or other.

VH1 special about people with missing limbs and other disabilities. The first is a guy named Doug. He is in high school and has has no legs. The second person is a girl in a wheelchair named Jennifer, who it shows catheterizing herself. Doug plays basketball in the next set of clips, and it shows him working out in gym class.
* during the commercials, we cut to an Animal Planet show with funny cat clips*
 - Back to the VH1 show. Doug goes to the prom and break dances on the dance floor.

(5:02:54)

COPS
 - Person is arrested trying to run from the cops on a motorcycle. He is tazed.
 - Woman narcs on her friend and makes a meth deal to lure him into a police trap. He is a humongous gangsta Asian dude. But he is very cooperative with the po po, so props to him for that.
 - Police pull over a man who had been trying to avoid a police roadblock. It's a black dude with dreadlocks who likes to say "Oh lordy." There's a gun in the car, but he says it is not his. The guy breaks down and cries when he's cuffed and put into the squad car.
 - A dog jumps into a man's car while he's in the gas station and won't leave. The cops are called and the dog is removed.
 - Police go into a bar and pull a man who is on a payphone outside to arrest him. Apparently he had been waving a knife around. He tries to run while handcuffed, and is thrown into the front seat of a squad car. He spits on the window while in the car, causing the police to pull his shirt up over his head. That's about it. The guy is very unruly.
 - Police respond to an auto accident on a street corner. It was a hit and run accident where a trucker hit motorcycle riders, and then took off. Victims are put into an ambulance and taken off.
 - The cops arrest a crazy, naked guy walking around on the street. He wraps foil around his privates but it falls off repeatedly. He says "you can cut it off" referring to his penis. They go into his house and it's a complete pig sty.
 - Police respond to a domestic call. A gay black man who is allowing someone to stay at his house claims that that person trashed his house. The dude he is referring to is a total crackhead and gets arrested.
 - More john stings. A dude on a Harley is the first guy caught. Nothing exciting about the second arrest.
 - Car accident! Guy with a bloody head crawls out of a demolished car. He was swiped off the road by a driver who wasn't paying attention.

Clip from a UW-Milwaukee basketball game. In the top right corner behind Bruce Pearl, you can see the bottom half of the face of a retarded guy named Michael who I used to work with at the Union.

(5:55:45)

The Dave Chappelle Show.
- Lil John is at the Doctor. Proof of insurance? Hooooo-what?
- 2004 World Series of Dice. This is where the tape starts to fuck up. It's almost over, that's why.
- Another skit, but you can't tell what's going on here because the tape gets so bad.

END OF TAPE