Video Game Review #241: Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy

Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy

PlayStation 4

Nostalgia Factor:

If you’ve been paying even the slightest bit of attention to this blog, you have probably noticed that I’m big on gaming nostalgia. The era of the original PlayStation is one of my favorite eras of gaming EVER. Logically, you’d probably think I was a giant Crash Bandicoot fan. It was a popular series at the time, Crash was the PS1’s mascot, I had a love for 3D platformers, etc. But what if I told you I actually didn’t care much for Crash Bandicoot? It’s true. I never owned a Crash game. In fact, I barely even touched any of them. I remember renting the first and second game in the series for one weekend and coming away unimpressed. I never bothered with the third Crash Bandicoot game, and I haven’t touched a game in the series since then.

Recently I played and reviewed the remastered Spyro trilogy and I had a decent time with the game. I noticed that the Crash trilogy had also been remastered, and I made it a point to check the game out. Sure, I didn’t care much for the series back in the 90s, but a lot of time had passed. Maybe my opinion would change and I’d come away pleasantly surprised.

Well, not really. Despite the graphical upgrades, the series is still pretty much the same as I remember it. Challenging, linear, and – to be honest – really not that fun. Let’s break things down, shall we?

Story:

Each game in the series has its own separate storyline, but honestly these storylines don’t matter. They’re generic and horribly boring. What they boil down to is: you are the hero, Crash Bandicoot. Doctor Neo Cortex is the bad guy. It’s Crash’s job to fight through a bunch of levels and defeat Neo Cortex at the end of the game. The end.

Sure, there are some random story elements thrown into the mix involving energy crystals, evil masks, and (another) evil scientist, but these are secondary. No one plays these games for their stories. No one.

 

Gameplay:

These games are pretty easy to pick up and play, but at the same time very challenging to master. You control Crash from a behind-the-back 3D perspective. You run through a series of levels, collecting fruit, smashing boxes, and damaging enemies by either jumping on them or using your spin attack. There are multiple branching paths to take and a lot of stuff to collect. Despite this, things are pretty linear. This isn’t Super Mario 64 or Banjo-Kazooie where you have big, open stages to explore. You are mainly limited to hallways in this game where your only option is to run forward.

Every once in a while the game mixes things up with a stage that is different from your usual stage. You may find yourself riding an animal, flying an airship, or controlling an underwater submersible. These stages can be fun, but they are few and far between. The meat and potatoes of Crash Bandicoot are its traditional platforming stages. As luck would have it, these are the stages I have the biggest problem with.

When the game is clicking and everything is working, some of these stages are pretty fun. Run up to an enemy, hit him with your spin attack, jump over a pit while collecting some fruit mid-air. Smash some boxes. Kill some enemies. Jump on a series of lily pads over a pond. Kill some more enemies, collect some more fruit. Break some boxes. Sounds fun, right? Just wait until things start to get difficult.

Now, I am okay with games that offer a stiff challenge. I’m a child of the NES era. I have no problem handling a difficult game. But Crash Bandicoot can get absolutely ridiculous and at times unfair with its difficulty level. Timing jumps and measuring distance is very problematic, especially given the game’s behind-the-back perspective. I suffered so many cheap deaths falling to my doom on routine jumps that should not have given me any problems whatsoever. If I fell so many times on easy jumps, imagine how many times I fell on difficult jumps with moving/disappearing platforms and enemies attacking me at the same time. There are levels where I died 20, 30 times trying to complete them. No joke. As I played I constantly wanted to throw my controller out the window.

No level epitomizes this frustration more than The Road to Nowhere. In this stage, you have to cross a rickety wooden bridge that is falling apart. Red planks will fall if you stand on them for more than a half second. Planks with cracks in them will send you falling to your death if you even do so much as step on them. You have to take your time as you cross this bridge, making sure every single jump is aligned perfectly, down to the very pixel. Mess up even slightly and you die and go back to your last checkpoint. I made it to The Road to Nowhere armed with nearly 30 lives, and I lost ALL of them trying to pass this stage. I have never been more frustrated playing a game in recent memory.

If you can make it through this stage, the rest of this collection isn’t that bad – particularly Crash Bandicoots 2 and 3. The original is definitely the most difficult. People must have complained about this when the games first came out, because 2 and 3 are noticeably less challenging. It wasn’t until I started playing the second and third games that I started to have a good time. I was miserable playing the original Crash Bandicoot. It’s sequels aren’t too bad. I wouldn’t say they are amazing or anything, but I wouldn’t say I hated them either. They definitely saved this trilogy from getting a really low score.

 

Graphics:

The N-Sane Trilogy definitely shines in the graphical department. The animations are great. The characters are like Saturday morning cartoons brought to life. The stages are beautiful. Everything looks really amazing.

It’s crazy going back and looking at old clips of the original PS1 versions of these games and then looking at them now. The difference is night and day. The 90s games have their own charms, sure, but this updated version looks breathtaking.

Sound:

Crash Bandicoot is definitely no Sonic or Mario when it comes to the music department, but it still sounds really good. A lot of the stages have some really catchy tunes that you’ll catch yourself vibing along with. I don’t think there are any big, iconic musical tracks to be found in this series like there are with the other games I mentioned, but it is what it is. Everything still sounds really good.

The sound effects are great too. I love the twirl sound Crash makes when he does his spin attack. The sound of breaking boxes, the sound when you collect a piece of fruit, the countdown of the TNT boxes, the “oogabagga!” noise when you collect a new mask – it all sounds fantastic. If there is anything iconic about the sound of Crash Bandicoot, it is not in its music but its sound effects.

 

Overall:

If I was going through and grading this trilogy by each individual game on the disc, the original game would get a very low score while I would have looked upon the other games more favorably. I have to find a way to balance this out, though. I did not have any fun with the original Crash Bandicoot. It made me question whether I even wanted to keep playing this collection. Luckily, I did. Crashes 2 and 3 are much better games. Did I love them, though? I can’t say that I did. They offered me an occasional fun time, but overall I found them to be overall pretty lackluster. I guess that sums up my thoughts on the Crash series as a whole: lackluster. They are missing that special something that make other games of its era (Sonic, Mario, Gex, Banjo-Kazooie, etc) so memorable.

I didn’t like Crash back in the 90s, and even today I’m finding my reaction to this N-Sane trilogy to be very lukewarm. I just could not ever find the energy to get excited about playing these games. I recognize their importance in the history of the original PlayStation console. I understand that there are a lot of people out there that grew up on these games and probably really love them. I’m just not one of those people. Did I hate the N-Sane Trilogy? No. Did I think it was a blast to play? No. I’m right smack-dab in the middle with my opinion on these games, so I guess the score should accurately reflect that. I’d give it a normal C, but the first game in the series is just so frustrating I feel I have to knock my overall score down ever so slightly to reflect that. So that’s what I’m doing. And I don’t feel bad about it one tiny bit.

 

Final Score:

C-

If you liked this review, check out some of my other game reviews:

Spyro Reignited Trilogy

Nights Into Dreams

Bug!

Gex: Enter the Gecko

Sly Cooper and the Thievius Racoonus

Video Game Review #240: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Nintendo 64

Nostalgia Factor:

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is often referred to as one of the greatest video games ever made, and I have to say I agree with that statement. I first got this game back in 1998, right when it initially came out. Normally I am the type of guy to wait until a game goes down in price before he buys it, but not in this instance. I wasn’t too big of a fan on the Zelda series (I had played the NES version of the game a handful of times, but had never played its sequel or A Link to the Past), but all the video game magazines at the time had been hyping the hell out of this game. I read the previews and I saw how groundbreaking it had the potential to be. 

I waited in line at Best Buy the day it came out, and was lucky enough to come away with a fresh, shiny (but not golden) copy of this game. For some forgotten reason, we had a family get-together at my grandma’s house right after I got this game, and I specifically remember reading through the instruction manual a countless number of times, tapping my foot and repeatedly asking my mom when we were going to go. I wanted to play this game so bad!

Ocarina of Time did not disappoint. In fact, it was far better than I ever could have imagined. I was obsessed with this game, playing it day and night. I don’t remember how long it took me to complete this game, but as soon as I finished it I fired it up from the beginning and immediately did it all over again.

 22 years since I first got my grubby little hands on this game, I still pop it in and play through it every couple of years or so. Each time I tell myself I probably won’t like it as much because of how old it is, but each time I end up loving it just as much as I did the very first time. Let me just say, I just finished the game the other day and that opinion still holds true. In fact, I may like this game right now more than I ever had at any point in my life.

Story:

You start off as a young boy named Link. While Link is sleeping, he is awakened by a fairy named Navi. Navi summons link to the Great Deku Tree, who appears to have fallen ill. Link enters the Tree and defeats the corruption inside, but it is too little too late. Before dying, the Deku Tree tells Link how the world is in jeopardy, and how he must travel to Hyrule Castle and seek Princess Zelda for answers. Link does, and it is from Zelda’s mouth that he learns of the history of the Triforce, and how the evil Ganon is attempting to get his hands on it in order to conquer the world.

Link goes on a quest to claim the Spiritual Stones, which allow him access to the Sacred Realm where the Triforce is held. Little does he know, he is being tricked by Ganon, who follows Link and claims the Triforce of Power for himself. Link awakens 7 years later, only to discover that Ganon has used the Triforce to take over Hyrule. As an adult, Link must awaken the sages of Hyrule, who can use their combined power to seal Ganon in the Sacred Realm forever.

After visiting the game’s various temples and dungeons and awakening the sages, Link takes the battle to Ganon’s lair. Using the Master Sword and Zelda’s Light Arrows, Ganon is defeated and sealed away by the sages. A massive celebration filled with music and dancing ensues, but not for Link! Link is sent back to his childhood seven years ago, where he once again makes contact with Princess Zelda in her castle.

Does this version of Zelda even know who Link is? Do the two have a future together? The game ends before we can ever find out.

 

Gameplay:

Ocarina of Time is really easy to pick up and play. The game takes place from a behind-the-back 3D perspective. The action follows Link around, resulting in very few problems with camera angles that plagued games like this back in the mid to late 90s. The Z-trigger locks on to your enemies. Once locked on, you can circle your enemies while hacking and slashing at them with your sword. This doesn’t seem like a big deal nowadays, but this was a massive innovation for its time. This is the first game I can ever remember with lock-on mechanics like this, and shortly after this game’s release I began to see it emulated in a countless number of titles. Such a game changer, that Ocarina of Time.

There is no jump button in this game. Instead, run up to a ledge and run off it, aiming yourself in the direction you want to go, and Link should jump in that direction. Took me a while to get used to this when I was a kid, but it quickly became second nature. Your two main buttons are used for attack and examining/picking up items. As you play, you gain accessories like slingshots and boomerangs. These accessories can be mapped to the C-pad, where the simple push of a button brings up the accessory you wish to use. You assign these accessories in the game’s pause menu. If I had to make one minor gripe about Ocarina of Time, it is that three inventory spots aren’t enough. I had to keep pausing the game to switch accessories out, and honestly it really breaks up the rhythm of the game. I guess that’s my only complaint about this game. It’s that freaking good.

As you play, you’ll find that Link is capable of more than just attacking, using accessories, and picking stuff up. You can climb, swim, block with a shield, ride a horse, and much much more. One thing you’ll find yourself doing quite often is playing the Ocarina. You have to use the Ocarina to solve puzzles, unlock new areas, and warp around the game’s map.

The puzzles you solve in this game are very clever and intuitive. While you are in dungeons, they are often challenging, but never TOO challenging to the point where you get stuck. Yes, I am saying that the Water Temple isn’t very challenging. I know that the difficulty of this dungeon is legendary, but honestly I’ve never had too much trouble with it. I cruised through it on my most recent playthrough in about an hour or an hour and a half without getting stuck or having to look for help. I find the Forest Temple to be a lot more difficult, because all the crumbling rocks and vines look the same to me.

Puzzles in this game are actually a lot harder (at least to me) when you are NOT in a dungeon. At least when you’re in a dungeon you have an idea of where to go and what you’re supposed to do. As a kid, I got stuck QUITE often in between dungeons while exploring the world map. Often it is not made clear where you are supposed to go next, or what you are supposed to do to gain access to the next area. That’s part of the genius of this title, getting the player to explore and discover these things themselves.

All in all, the different pieces of this game come together wonderfully. I had an absolute blast as I played, rarely encountering a dull moment along the way. Exploring, fighting, solving puzzles, it’s all just so FUN.

 

Graphics:

I expected this game to have held up a lot worse than it actually did. Sure, some of the textures are a bit grainy. You notice dungeon walls kind of “smear” as you are running through them from time to time. Character models obviously aren’t going to be as advanced as they are on, say, the PS4. And I forgive that. I forgive all of that. This is a Nintendo 64 game. Of course it is going to have aged. There is such a classic charm to this game’s look and feel that I can’t hold any of these things against it.

To me, where this game shines is in its atmosphere. Kokiri Village with its green décor and the little river running through it = charming as hell. Some of the dungeons, like the Forest and Shadow Temple, are quite eerie. The inside of Jabu Jabu with all its swirling lights and colors = amazing. Give me this over anything you’d see on a current console any day of the week.

This game is bright and vibrant when it needs to be. Dark and moody at other times. Whatever is happening on screen, you always feel like part of the action. If you play this in the dark with headphones on, you can easily lose yourself in the world of Hyrule. This is an amazingly immersive game.

 

Music:

Nearly everything about this game is perfect, and its music and sound effects are no exception. This game has SUCH a terrific musical score. Everywhere you go you are hearing an iconic Zelda tune playing. Seriously, this game’s musical score is GREAT.

All the atmospheric sound effects help add to the immersion. The noises Link makes when he jumps around, the clunking sound of Epona’s hooves on the ground, the sound your sword makes when you swing it and accidentally hit the wall… it is all just perfect. That subtle shift in the air when day switches to night, the wolves howling, the eerie music that plays when skeletons start popping out of the ground… I mean, it is all just great. Perhaps my favorite thing about the game’s audio, however, is that little tune that plays when you open a chest with a key item in it. It always gets me so pumped. Also, there’s that mysterious jingle that sounds when you unlock one of the game’s secrets.

Everything about this game’s audio is just so iconic to me. It is sheer perfection.

 

Overall:

Speaking of sheer perfection, I can’t give this game anything less than a perfect score. The fact that it is so fun and so enjoyable to play even 22 years after its initial release speaks volumes. There is a reason people say that this is one of the best games ever made: because it fucking is!

People will still be playing this game 20, 30, 50 years from now. It’s that good. I can’t wait to introduce my 4 month old son to this game when he’s old enough. It is a timeless classic that will always be fun. I’ve always considered Final Fantasy VII and Xenogears to be the two best games I have ever played, but after replaying Ocarina of Time I may have to re-think that evaluation.

 

Final Score:

A+

 If you liked my review of Ocarina of Time, check out some of my other game reviews:

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Golden Axe Warrior

Star Fox Adventures

Video Game Review #239: Final Fantasy VIII

Final Fantasy VIII

PlayStation

Nostalgia Factor:

I had such high expectations for Final Fantasy 8 when it first came out. The only other Final Fantasy game I had ever played was FF7, which I thought was an incredible, life changing game. Surely they would take the formula that made FF7 so great and improve upon it to deliver a truly breathtaking sequel.

That didn’t happen. Not only did I not really like the game, I never even bothered to finish it. I didn’t like the combat. I wasn’t a fan of the story. I made it to the fourth disc and gave up because I couldn’t beat one of the game’s final bosses. There it sat on my shelf for nearly 20 years when I finally picked it back up again and completed it back in 2007 or 2008.

Fast forward to 2020. If you’d asked me a couple months ago what I thought about Final Fantasy 8 I would have responded with a thoroughly unenthusiastic “meh.” I still don’t think the game is as great as 7, but I have to say I now like it much more than I ever did in the past. I tempered my expectations and came into it with an open mind. I didn’t want to come into the game hating it or holding a grudge because it wasn’t FF7. I wanted to enjoy it for what it was. A lot of people love this game, and I think I was finally able to see what it is about this game that people enjoy so much.

 

Story:

Admittedly, this game’s storyline is a bit of a mess. I’m not going to recap the entire thing, but instead I’ll offer a quick summary.

The main character of Final Fantasy 8 is Squall, an introverted student at Balamb Garden, one of multiple Gardens that act as schools that raise young people to be mercenaries for hire. The game opens with you and your classmates embarking on their final mission before graduation. In this mission, you have to stop invading Galbadian forces from taking over the city of Dollet. Your mission is successful, and you later attend a graduation party for your class. It is there that Squall meets Rinoa, a happy and bubbly young woman who acts as his complete opposite. She forces him to dance and attempts to get him to open up a bit (unsuccessfully).

Now that Squall and his friends have graduated, they become official members of SeeD, the mercenary group. They are sent off on a mission to help an underground resistance fight off Galbadian occupation in the small town of Timber. Turns out this is where Rinoa is from, and Squall is reunited with the young woman he met at the graduation party. They team up and fight off the Galbadians once again. In order to eliminate the suddenly aggressive Galbadian threat, Squall and his fellow SeeDs are sent to assassinate their leader, a sorceress by the name of Edea.

The assassination attempt is a failure and Squall and company get locked up in prison. While they are locked up, Edea launches an offensive against the Gardens, believing them to be the cause behind the assassination attempt.  Squall escapes from prison and arrives just in time to save Balamb Garden from destruction. The other Garden is not so fortunate.

While surveying the damage, Squall and his party come to the sudden realization that they all grew up together in the same orphanage. Due to their use of GFs (which act as this game’s summons), they’ve forgotten that they were all childhood friends. They also realize that the former mistress of the orphanage was Edea, the woman who would go on to be the very same Sorceress that they just tried to assassinate. This is one of the “questionable” twists of this game that people often complain about. Seems a little convenient but also unnecessary that these people all are connected and grew up together. But whatever. It is what it is.

The rest of the game becomes a quest to stop not Edea, but the Sorceress Ultimecia that has taken control of her body. Ultimecia is a time traveling sorceress from the future who is attempting to master the power of time compression to flatten time and make past, present, and the future all exist at the same time in a universe that she has complete control over. Again,  this is a really bizarre and questionable plot twist that people often complain about. The game’s storyline just kind of seems to meander from random event to random event.

Weird stuff ensues. Rinoa is infected with Ultimecia’s power and goes into a coma. She is blasted off into space in order to be treated far away from people, I guess. But this backfires as Rinoa is possessed by Ultimecia and made to free the sleeping body of the evil Sorceress Adel, which has been suspended in space. A lunar event is triggered and all kinds of monsters spout from the moon and start coming down to the planet below. We have now officially gone completely off the rails.

Rinoa’s body, free from the influence of Ultimecia (who has transferred her power to the newly awakened Adel) floats helplessly in space. Squall rescues her and brings her aboard the Ragnarok where the two share a touching romantic moment. The game doesn’t show it or even really hint at it, but they totally get it on. I know they do.

Squall pilots the Ragnarok back to the planet and a final plan is drawn up to use time compression against Ultimecia to defeat her on her own ground. The plan is successful, and our heroes live happily ever after.

Yayyyy!

This is a very over-simplified plot summary and I know I am leaving a lot of stuff out. I didn’t even mention how periodically Squall and his party black out and have flashbacks to the life of a young soldier named Laguna and his friends. These flashbacks were instigated by a woman named Ellone, who was attempting to get Squall to change the past to alter the present… unsuccessfully. In the end, this whole side plot seems a bit unnecessary and useless. I always thought it was going to go somewhere amazing, but it just kind of peters out eventually and gives way to all the Ultimecia crap.

So yeah. I mean, it isn’t necessarily a horrible story but it is a bit meandering and directionless. The orphanage twist seems a bit forced, the Laguna stuff goes nowhere, and I just couldn’t bring myself to care about the quest to bring down Ultimecia the same way I cared about the quest to bring down Shinra and Sephiroth in Final Fantasy 7.  There is a very real lack of cohesion to be found here. Even the ending is a bit vague and ambiguous.

One thing I did care about was the relationship between Squall and Rinoa. I first played this game when I was in high school. I was a quiet loner who heavily identified with Squall. It was always my dream to have a fun, bubbly young woman like Rinoa swoop into my life and completely change things for me forever. That never happened to me as a pimply teenage kid, but it was always something that gave me hope. Playing this game in the present day really brings back a lot of those memories for me.

Gameplay:

This game shares many similarities with Final Fantasy 7, but there are some major, major differences that set it apart. Here are the similarities: You run around. You talk to people. You can buy items and upgrades at shops. Combat is turn-based. There are random encounters. On the surface, this game is very similar to its predecessor.

Here is where it gets different. Everything is based off of your ability to junction Guardian Forces (or GFs) to your character. When a GF is junctioned, it allows you to select four actions you can assign to your character during combat. At the beginning of the game, these options are attack (which is an absolute must), magic, item, GF, and draw. The first three options are pretty self-explanatory, so I won’t bother going into them. GF calls your Guardian Force to attack your enemy. This works basically as a summon from past FF games. Unlike past games, there is no limit as to how many times you can do this in battle. In the game’s early going, I found myself just calling GFs over and over again to do my attacks for me. The only downside to doing this: their animations are really, really, REALLY long and drawn out.

The Draw command is what sets this game apart from every other entry in the Final Fantasy series. Instead of coming equipped with a set of magical spells or having the ability to learn new spells as you level up, your characters start the game as blank slates. You have to use the Draw command to pull spells out of the enemies you fight. For example, a random encounter starts. Select your enemy and pick the Draw option from the battle menu. Your enemy should have a number of spells (cure, thunder, fire, etc) that you can draw. Once you draw spells from your enemy, you can then use these spells in battle. Not only can you use them in battle, you can open the in-game menu and junction them to your parties character attributes. For example, junctioning fire to Squall’s attack attribute raises your attack value and also does fire damage to your enemies. The more spells of a certain type you have junctioned (say, you draw 100 fires from your enemies), the more powerful these effects will be.

As the game goes on and your GFs level up, the more junctioning options your characters receive. Your GFs also learn new abilities as they level up that you can assign to your character, like strength +20%, Boost, or HP +20%, etc.

The combat takes a while to get used to, but once I got the track of it, it became very easy to handle. I think this is one of the reasons I never liked this game as a kid: I never really figured the junctioning system out. Now it is like second nature to me.

 

Graphics:

Final Fantasy 8 can be a bit rough to look at in present times, given how far graphics have come in the last 20 plus years. Characters are jagged and messy looking. Backgrounds are static and 2D. The world map is plain looking and not too horribly impressive. But you have to remember that this game was considered cutting edge in 1999. At the time it was certainly a step up graphically from Final Fantasy 7.

One thing that does stand the test of time: the cutscenes. They still look really good, really cinematic. They give the game a little flare. Also, the backgrounds and environments have a lot of character. Whether you’re walking the halls of Balamb Garden, taking in the sights at Fisherman’s Horizon, or checking out the nightlife in Deling City, each area has its own unique and distinctly Final Fantasy 8 feel to it.

Sound:

FF8’s musical score is really good. Lots of catchy tunes everywhere you go. I don’t think this game’s music is as good as other games in the series (FF6 and 7 definitely have this one beat), but that doesn’t mean it still isn’t pretty freaking good. Sound effects are good too. Love it or hate it, the little chiming sound when you make menu selections is pretty much the same as it is in FF7. Other than that, nothing really stands out as far as sound effects go.

 

Overall:

My opinion on Final Fantasy 8 has definitely changed for the better. I had a really fun time with this game. No, it’s not Final Fantasy 7, but then again what is? Now that enough time has passed, I am able to look at this game on its own merits and stop with the constant comparisons. This is a good, fun game. It has its flaws, most notably with its plot-hole filled wacko story, but it is still a fun game.

One gripe I guess I should bring up is just how slow-moving the game is. I am not talking about the pacing, I am talking about the speed of your characters. Running from one end of Balamb Garden to the other is a slow, torturous affair. The characters talk really slowly. Some GFs can take several minutes to launch  their attacks in battle. I never noticed this back in 1999, but in present times the slowness is almost painful. If you are going to play this game, I would suggest getting the remastered version for the PlayStation 4. Not only does the game have  smoother, sharper graphics, you are also given the opportunity to speed things up to three times the speed of the normal game. A walk that might have taken you a full minute or two before can now be done in a matter of seconds. It makes a world of difference.

If you are a fan of classic JRPGs, you can’t go wrong with Final Fantasy 8. I almost feel bad for hating it so much in my youth. It is a ton of fun. If old school turn-based JRPGs aren't your thing, however, I’d suggest you take a pass on it. 

 

Final Score:

A-

 If you liked this review, check out some of my other game reviews:

Final Fantasy VI

Final Fantasy VII

Final Fantasy IX

Final Fantasy X

Xenogears

Video Game Review #238: Goldeneye 007: Reloaded

Goldeneye 007: Reloaded

PlayStation 3

Nostalgia Factor:

I have a bone to pick with this game. Look at the back of its case. “The Bond adventure that began it all returns. Refined. Recharged. Reloaded.”

Having never even heard of this game before, I jumped to the only logical conclusion there was – that this was a remake of the original Goldeneye for the Nintendo 64, but with updated graphics. The pictures on the back of the box even seemed to support that theory.

I loved the original Goldeneye. It’s one of my all-time favorite shooters. Take that game and give it updated graphics and gameplay? I was in. I was so in. I gladly shelled out my hard-earned dollars to pick this game up. It was like a dream come true!

It took me about five minutes of playing to realize that I’d made a horrible mistake. Aside from a few incidental similarities, this game was NOTHING like its Nintendo 64 predecessor. It wasn’t a remake at all. It was a completely different game entirely. And a shitty one at that.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, I guess I should break this game down for you.

*sigh*

Story:

This game is a reimagining of the original Goldeneye, but set in present time as opposed to the 90s. Pierce Brosnan has been replaced by Daniel Craig. All the old and outdated technology in the original game and movie have been replaced by sleek modern day equipment. Bond uses a smart phone, if that gives you any indication what kind of game this is.

Reloaded follows the same basic, BASIC plot of the original Goldeneye, but with massive liberties taken, to the point where it isn’t even recognizable anymore. The second stage takes place in a dance club where you have to walk around and scan people’s faces, looking for one person in particular. It’s fucking stupid and I hate it. Where was this in the movie or the N64 game? This isn’t Goldeneye. If you wanted to make a Craig Bond game set in modern times, don’t manipulate people using the Goldeneye name to do it. Make a new fucking game. It just gets worse and worse the longer you play.

Yeah, I’m getting angry already. The rest of this review is going to be fun, isn’t it?

Gameplay:

OK, so they took major liberties with the original game’s storyline. At least its gameplay is good, right?

RIGHT?

No. It’s awful. The original Goldeneye broke barriers with how interactive its game world was. Unique missions, bullet holes in the wall, equipment that blew up when you shot at it, enemies that reacted differently depending on where on their body you shot them. This game takes away all those fun little touches. You run around you shoot people with no nuance whatsoever. Shooting them in the middle of the body does the same amount of damage that shooting them in the arm does. It’s stupid. The game holds your hand too much too. Just point in the direction of your enemy and shoot, and the game’s auto aim will take care of the rest.

Hordes of enemies swarm you, so you shoot them a couple times until they fall over and they are all dead. Then you move on to the next section of the game and you do the same. Every once in a while you have to pull out your phone and walk around at a snail's pace looking for something to scan, so that you can pass your mission. There’s no variety. There’s no fun or joy to be found here. It’s a by-the-numbers boring and generic shooter with no personality whatsoever.

Oh wait, I lied about there being no variety. There is a tank level that plays out similar to a rail-shooter like Star Fox or Panzer Dragoon, and it isn't that bad.

Graphics:

I guess I can finally say something good about this game. Daniel Craig looks fine as Bond. The environments and the interiors of this game look really nice. There is nothing eye-popping or beautiful about this game’s graphics, but they do the job. If the game was any fun to play – these graphics would suffice 100%.

My main gripe is what they did with the character models. Alec Trevelyan (006) is just some boring and generic looking white guy with no discernible traits whatsoever. Xenia Onatopp is a boring and generic looking white woman with no discernible traits whatsoever. Natalya Simonova is a boring and generic looking white woman with no discernible traits… are we noticing a pattern here? I’m sure noticing it. They did these characters dirty. They truly did. No personality, nothing distinctive about them, they’re just plain boring. It’s a shame.

And Boris…. don’t even get me started on Boris. Oh wait, Boris isn’t even in this game – so I can’t get started on him.

*sigh* 

Sound:

I mean, this game’s sound is fine. Nothing stood out to me as particularly good or bad either way. Music and sound effects: serviceable. Certainly no music tracks are as iconic as what you’d hear in the N64 game, but that goes without saying. Just like everything else in this game – its music is boring and doesn’t do anything to make it stand out from the crowd.

Credit where credit is due: I loved hearing the Tina Turner Goldeneye theme at the beginning of the game and during the end credits. This is one of my favorite Bond theme songs, and I totally didn’t expect to hear it in this game. I was pleasantly surprised.

Perhaps the only pleasant surprise this game has to offer.

Overall:

In case you can’t tell, I didn’t enjoy this game. It’s painfully boring and generic, and it does nothing to advance the first person shooter genre. I would have had a much better time just going back and playing the original Goldeneye than playing this. This game brings nothing to the table. NOTHING. Seriously. I played it just for the sake of beating it, not because I actually enjoyed it. Now that I am done with the game I plan to trade it in and get rid of it. I am certainly never going to play it again. Why bother?

The only thing keeping it from a failing score is that if you strip this game of the Goldeneye title and all its Bond elements, I probably wouldn’t have hated it as much as I did. I mean, it still wouldn’t have been very good, but at least I wouldn’t be angry at it for trying to trick me into thinking it was going to be as good as the original.

Don’t play this game. Whether you like the original Goldeneye or not, it is just flat out not worth your time. There are so many better options out there.

Final Score:

D-

If you liked this review, check out some of my other game reviews:

Goldeneye 007

Wolfenstein 3D

Duke Nukem 3D: Megaton Edition

Quake 64

Doom

Video Game Review #237: Ecco the Dolphin

                                                  

Ecco the Dolphin

Genesis

Nostalgia Factor:

Back in the early 90s, I remember being quite intrigued by the premise of Ecco the Dolphin. What ten year old kid wouldn’t be interested in a video game where you play as a dolphin? It was such a fascinating concept to me.

I knew a couple of kids at my school who had played the game before I ever had the chance to, however, and none of them liked it very much. The list of complaints was long. The controls sucked. They couldn’t figure out what to do. The game was too hard. There wasn’t enough action. Blah blah blah.

The complaints were almost enough to turn me off from even giving the game a try. Luckily, I got the game either as a birthday or Christmas present and quickly fell in love with it. All the complainers were wrong. Ecco the Dolphin was a great game!

Does it hold up in 2020? It actually does. I had a really good time revisiting this game. Read on for more details.

Story:

I have to say, this is one of the most unique video game stories I have ever encountered. You play as a playful, happy dolphin named Ecco. Ecco is swimming along with his pack and enjoying life when one day all nearby life is sucked out of the ocean into a giant funnel cloud. Ecco is left as the sole survivor, and he swims off to explore the sea in the hopes of recovering his lost pack.

Ecco’s journeys lead him across the ocean to the lost city of Atlantis. Reading ancient glyphs, Ecco discovers that a mysterious alien civilization named the Vortex has been feeding off of Earth’s oceans for 500 years. Ecco uses ancient Atlantean technology to travel 55 million years into the past, to help his friend the Asterite find his missing orb.

Returning to present day, Ecco gives the Asterite its missing orb and is rewarded with the abilities to both breathe underwater and to damage the Vortex with his sonar ability. Ecco returns to the point in time where his pack is sucked into the funnel cloud, and makes sure he is sucked up with them this time around. Fighting the Vortex on their own turf, Ecco defeats the Vortex Queen and vanquishes the threat once and for all…. (or at least until this game’s amazing sequel).

Pretty different, huh?

Gameplay:

This game takes place from a 2D side-scrolling perspective. Controlling Ecco, you can move through the water in all directions. One of the buttons increases your speed as you swim. Another is an attack that launches you toward enemies so you can smash them with your bottle nose. The last button control controls your sonar. You can use this sonar to talk to other sea creatures and interact with ancient glyphs. Hold down the sonar button to use echolocation, which gives you a brief, undetailed map of the area. As the game goes on, you can use your sonar to damage enemies. Just don’t expect this ability right away.

There is a learning curve to this game. You will need to jump out of the water and over obstacles from time to time, and the trick to this involves building up speed and timing your charge attack at just the right time (and the right angle) to launch yourself out of the water. All my friends struggled with this when I was a kid, and I think that’s one of the main reasons none of them liked this game.

Another thing that makes life difficult is your oxygen meter. Ecco is a dolphin, and dolphins need to come out of the water to breathe oxygen. As you play, your oxygen meter will slowly deplete. Run out of oxygen, and your health bar will start to rapidly drain. So if you want to be successful playing this game, you’re going to have to keep that oxygen bar replenished or you will not last long. Not only are you solving puzzles, exploring, and fighting enemies, you have to do it all against the clock. Another reason people probably think this game is just SO difficult.

I hate to be that guy, but I never found this game to be that hard. You have to be patient, you have to make sure you’ve got enough oxygen, you’ve got to keep track of where you have been and where you need to go. It really isn’t that bad at all. I do have to acknowledge that the end of the game is pretty tough. The Vortex tunnel and the ensuing Welcome to the Machine stage are extreme trial and error and can get frustrating fast. If you die against the game’s final boss, you have to go back and do it all over again, too. Oof.

Graphics:

This game has aged pretty well! The graphics are bright and colorful. The backgrounds are vibrant. The sea creatures you encounter are well-designed and look like they belong there. Ecco himself is well-designed and well-animated. The deeper into the game you go, it develops a very atmospheric, almost haunting feel that I think is just really fantastic.

Two thumbs up to this game’s graphics.

Sound:

The game sounds really fantastic, too. Ecco’s soundtrack is very iconic to me. So many awesome tracks that I had forgotten all about. But boy did they bring back memories. As I played I looked forward to hearing each stage’s music. It’s very atmospheric and works perfectly in tandem with the game’s graphics to deliver a wonderfully unique experience.

Sound effects are good too. It’s really easy to believe you’re really a dolphin zooming around on the bottom of the ocean. Who would have thought a 16-bit video game about a dolphin would deliver such an authentic marine experience?

Overall:

I think this game gets a bad rap. It’s fun. It’s so much fun.

The controls are perfect. The graphics are great, the music and sound effects are great. The story is fascinating. The world of the game is just so haunting and beautiful.

I loved exploring the big stages. I loved solving all the puzzles, I loved finding the nearest glyph to unlock the next area. I enjoyed the big variety of enemies you have to fight. Yeah it can be tough to figure out what you are supposed to do sometimes, but once you figure out how this game works and everything clicks, it quickly becomes second nature.

Each stage is a unique challenge in its own right. You can’t just blast your way through them like most early 90’s Genesis games. You have to use your head. Need to get to the ocean floor but there’s a strong current pushing you upwards? Try nudging a boulder over the edge of the cliff and following it down. A pile of rocks blocking your way? Look for something you can use to knock them over. The feeling of satisfaction you get when you solve a particularly difficult puzzle can be quite rewarding.

I was worried that I wasn’t going to enjoy this game very much when I fired it up earlier in the week. But for a game that is nearly 30 years old, it is still very enjoyable to play. The only reason I don’t give it an A+ is because I still have to play its sequel, and if memory serves me right I enjoyed the sequel much more than I did the original game. So as much as I love this game, I know that it can get even better. And for that I am really excited. I CAN’T WAIT to play it. Such an underrated series.

Final Score:

A

 

If you liked this review, check out some of my other game reviews:

Toy Story

Vectorman

X-Men

Aladdin

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker

 

Video Game Review #236: Panzer Dragoon Orta

Panzer Dragoon Orta

Xbox

Nostalgia Factor:

I am familiar with both Panzer Dragoon and its sequel for the Sega Saturn, Panzer Dragoon II: Zwei. I rented and played through both of these games back in the late 90s at some point. While I liked the games, I was never too crazy about them. I preferred other rail shooters like Star Fox and Solar Eclipse instead.

After the Sega Saturn’s unceremonious death, I thought that the Panzer Dragoon series was gone forever. I really, REALLY wanted to play Panzer Dragoon Saga (a much heralded RPG released at the end of the Saturn’s lifespan), but limited copies were shipped out, and I was never able to get my hands on it. I still haven’t been able to play the game, and now copies of it are selling for over a thousand dollars online. No thanks, I don’t want to play it that bad!

Much to my surprise, Panzer Dragoon Saga would not be the last game released in the series. In 2003, Panzer Dragoon Orta was released for the Xbox. I would end up finding a used copy of this game a few years later when I was dating my ex-girlfriend, Jessica. While I never owned an Xbox myself, she did. We lived together, so I figured I’d buy the game and give it a shot.

I played through the game and I beat it, but I never gave it much of a second thought. I’d say this was back in 2006 or 2007. Jessica and I ended up separating. She took her Xbox with her. I kept my copy of Panzer Dragoon Orta. Up until just recently, I haven’t had an opportunity to replay this game, because I didn’t own an Xbox.

Well, now I do own one – as of a few years ago. I always knew I would get around to replaying Panzer Dragoon Orta at some point, it was just a matter of time. Well, now that time has come! What would I think about the game? Let us begin.

Story:

I’ve always struggled understanding the storylines in Panzer Dragoon games, and this one is no exception. Let’s just say it is very abstract. I’ll do my best to break it down for you.

This game takes place in a post-apocalyptic world filled with fantastic creatures, mystical technology, and flying dragons engineered for the purpose of being living weapons. There is some kind of evil Empire controlling all the technology and trying to take over the world. Everyone speaks German and moves in slow motion from time to time. The whole tone of the game is very surreal and dream-like, and for some reason this makes it very hard for me to understand what the heck is supposed to be happening on the screen. It is hard to put into words. Best description I can come up with is David Lynch meets Mad Max, but with flying dragons instead of cars.

Panzer Dragoon Orta begins with a girl locked up in a tower. The tower is attacked and the girl is about to be killed when a giant attack dragon swoops in and annihilates her attackers. She hops on the dragon’s back and blasts her way to freedom. You play as this girl (Orta) and her dragon.

After escaping, Orta meets up with a pack of hunters and helps them kill a giant creature. They take her back to their city to show her gratitude. The Empire attacks the city to get their hands on Orta, and she attacks the enemy fleet head-on. She’s shot down, her dragon badly hurt. There’s a level where you run on the ground (like a tank) and shoot your enemies before jumping off a cliff just in time for your wings to heal up and allow you to fly again.

You fight the Empire. A creepy bad guy takes you into an ancient computerized relic where you learn secrets about your creation and your past. You have some kind of destiny. I don’t know. The game had lost me at this point. I can’t even tell you what happens at the end of the game. Surreal and dream-like is a bit of an understatement.

You fight a bunch of giant monsters. There’s cutscenes, there’s credits. Game over.

I wish I could recap things better, but like I said I’ve always struggled to understand the story in Panzer Dragoon games. You kind of just play them for the experience. Or maybe that is just me.

Gameplay:

Panzer Dragoon Orta is a rail-shooter, so its gameplay is make or break. You’re going to constantly be locking-on and firing at enemies as they streak across the screen. If the controls suck and are sluggish or unresponsive, it will break the whole game.

Luckily, Orta’s overall gameplay is about as smooth as you can get. The aiming reticle is accurate. Controls are responsive and crisp. This game is very easy to pick up and play, but very difficult to master. When I first started playing, I came in expecting Star Fox, only to quickly learn that Star Fox is a walk in the park compared to Panzer Dragoon Orta. Not only is this game more difficult, there are so many more intricacies to be found here. For example: the camera. You mainly fly on a fixed course, but enemies will attack you from all directions, not just from in front of you. As a result, you have to constantly swivel around and look in different directions. Make no mistake, they are coming at you from every angle.

Like I said, this game is challenging. You have to be alert and on your feet from the very first level on. When I first started playing this game, I struggled a bit to adapt to this game’s style and I died a bunch of times. Your dragon has three different attack modes, and knowing when to switch back and forth between these modes is critical if you want to do well with this game.

Standard attack mode is what I would tend to use the most. You have a regular gun, you have missiles that can lock on to your enemies. You have a boost meter of two. Boost gives you a burst of speed you can use to dodge enemy attacks or gain angles on bosses.

You have Glide mode, which showcases a very weak rapid-fire attack. It has a boost meter of four. Mainly you want to use Glide to shoot down enemy projectiles since it locks on to them and fires so quickly. It is so weak though, it is pretty much useless against bosses and tougher standard enemies. The boost meter of four comes in great handy, however.

Then you have a heavy attack mode with strong weapons, but no ability to boost whatsoever.

Like I said before, switching back and forth between attack modes is key. Say you are fighting a boss who fires homing missiles. Switch to Glide mode to quickly shoot down the missiles. Switch to heavy attack mode to pummel the boss while his defenses are down. The boss starts to accelerate, so you switch to regular mode to boost a couple times. Then you switch back to heavy mode to continue the beat down. It fires homing missiles at you. Switch to Glide mode to take the missiles down.

Etc.

Master the strategies of the game, master the game.

Panzer Dragoon Orta is challenging, but balanced and fair. Whenever I died, I knew it was because I wasn’t alert or fast enough and I had let my defenses down. I struggled mightily with the first few levels of this game when I first started playing, but that is because I wasn’t switching attack modes appropriately at all. Once everything clicked and I started to understand the strategies involved. I began to enjoy the game much, much more.

Graphics:

This game is over 15 years old, but it still looks really good. Being an Xbox game, its graphics completely annihilate the Saturn games. Bright, vibrant colors. Unique, mystifying creatures. Stunning and surreal game environments. What really makes this game tick is the dream-like atmosphere it creates. 

Sure if you look really close, there are aspects of this game’s graphics that appear outdated. I’m sure a remaster or an updated HD version of the game could smooth out of its some rough edges. But I think these rough edges add to the game’s gritty charm. I may not understand this game’s story, but I fully appreciate the work that went into giving its world such a unique look and feel.

Sound:

Panzer Dragoon games have always had strong soundtracks, and Orta follows suit. Nothing is too iconic or memorable here, but the grand orchestral scope of the game’s music is impressive and gets the blood pumping in battle.

Like I said about this game’s graphics – Panzer Dragoon Orta creates a stunning and surreal dream-like world for the player to inhabit. This game’s music and sound effects play a massive part in bringing that vision to life. The battle sound effects, the distorted voices, the otherworldly whirring and wooshing magical sound effects – they all play their part.

Overall:

My journey with this game was weird. I came into it with high hopes, carrying mainly fond (but very vague) memories of enjoying this game back in 2005 or 2006. I actually didn’t care for it at first, and nearly turned it off so I could play something else. But I stuck with it. Once I figured out the intricacies of the game, I was able to relax and really enjoy it.

I played this game off and on over the course of a couple weekends (why did no one tell me how much having a baby would cut into my video game playing time???)  before finally beating it and combing through the extra chapters just a few nights ago. The extra chapters add a few hours of gameplay. Some bonus missions that fill in the story blanks. An extra mode where you play as a kid who fights for the Empire. But the most important extra, for me anyway, is that the entire version of the original Panzer Dragoon for the Sega Saturn is unlockable. Sweet! I shall have to play through it and review it in the near future.

So this game is truly worth the 15 bucks or whatever I paid for it back in 2006. It doesn’t have the personality or the heart and soul of Star Fox. It is not as fun as Star Fox. But its not Star Fox. Panzer Dragoon does its own thing. It feels a bit serious and overly challenging at times, but it is rewarding if you stick with it. The graphics are beautiful. The music and sound effects help create a very eerie and different fantasy universe. The story: who knows what is going on here, but I am sure some people like it.

This game may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I enjoyed it. I am not necessarily jumping up and down for it, but I understand it is a unique and very well-crafted game. Could it have been more fun? Yeah. Sometimes it felt like a chore to play, particularly on challenging levels where you’d repeatedly die and have to play the level over and over again. It’s missing that certain fun and joyful element that Star Fox has – that would have put it over the top. Instead of a great game, I simply look at this as a good game. And there is nothing wrong with that.

This is a good game. But that’s it.

Final Grade:

B

If you liked this review, please check out some of my other game reviews:

Solar Eclipse

Star Fox 64

Virtua Cop 2

Star Wars: Rebel Assault II: The Hidden Empire

Heavy Fire: Shattered Spear

Video Game Review #235: Final Fantasy VII Remake

Final Fantasy VII Remake

PlayStation 4

Nostalgia Factor:

The original Final Fantasy VII is quite possibly my favorite video game of all time. In fact, when I sat down and ranked my favorite video games about 12 years ago, it topped the list. I am not sure if it would STILL sit atop the list, but off the top of my head I would be hard pressed to name a game that’s had quite as big an impact on my life as this one.

As you can imagine, I have been eagerly awaiting this remake for years and years now. At first I wasn’t sure if I liked the direction they were taking the game, as I was expecting more of a recreation of the original game, but updated with today’s graphics. After playing the demo, my mind changed. Okay, maybe this could work. When the game finally came out shortly thereafter, I actually didn’t rush out to buy it. My wife and I were expecting our first child, and I simply could not justify dropping so much money on a brand-new game, given the circumstances. I had to wait an agonizing amount of time, hearing both good and bad things about the game as the reviews poured in. Luckily, a friend of mine at work had a copy of the game, which she loaned to me. She hated the game with a passion and warned me that it was terrible and completely ruined the original game for her.

This didn’t exactly inspire much confidence in me that I would like the game, but I was still more than willing to give it a try. I wanted to like it, but if I didn’t the original game would still be out there for me to play.

How would I feel about this remake? Did it wreck my favorite game of all time? Have I waited all this time for nothing? Read on and find out.

Story:

This game follows the same basic events as the original Final Fantasy VII, but with some tweaks and alterations made along the way. The first thing you should know is that the remake only covers up until the characters leave Midgar in the original FFVII, which takes place about five or six hours into that game. How do you expand a five or six hour experience into one full length game? Lots of ways, the results of which are very mixed.

I’m getting ahead of myself. If you haven’t played the original Final Fantasy VII and aren’t familiar with its story, this game follows the efforts of a terrorist group named Avalanche, who is in open rebellion against the tyrannical Shinra Power Corporation. Shinra has been sucking away the planet’s life blood, Mako, to use as fuel for their cities and experiments. FFVII Remake takes place entirely in Shinra’s capital city of Midgar. The city consists of a run-down slum section on the planet’s surface, comprised almost entirely of poor, lower class individuals. Above the slums is a giant plate suspended in the air by eight separate pillars, each marking a different sector of the city. Atop the plate live the upper-class citizens of Midgar, living in luxury at the expense of those below them. At the heart of the city looms Shinra Headquarters, overlooking it all. Powering the city are eight different Mako reactors, each working around the clock to drain the planet of Mako and supply energy to the citizens of Midgar.

The game begins with you in control of Cloud, a mercenary who has loaned his talents to Avalanche as they launch an assault to destroy Mako Reactor #1. After the reactor is destroyed, the group retreats to their hideout where they plan their next strike against Shinra. During an assault on a separate Mako reactor, Cloud is separated from the group and meets a young woman named Aerith, who doesn’t hesitate to join Avalanche’s cause. Shinra, in an attempt to discredit Avalanche and win the opinion of the people through fear, destroys the Sector 7 plate and send it crashing down on top of the slums below, killing nearly everyone in the process. During all this commotion, Aerith is kidnapped by Shinra. The surviving Avalanche members launch a successful assault on Shinra HQ to get her back. Aerith in tow, the group flees Midgar, only to run into an unexpected roadbloack, which I won’t spoil just yet.

This is the very, very basic version of this game’s events. Like I said, these events comprise only the first five or six hours of the original FFVII. Things are expanded and stretched out for this remake. We get longer cutscenes, more background info on the game’s various characters, expanded quests, and brand-new missions which weren’t available in the original game. Some of these changes worked, and some didn’t. More to come on that shortly.

Gameplay:

I was hesitant about this game’s combat system at first, as I was hoping for a return to the turn-based system of the original game. But FFVII Remake’s emphasis on real-time action grew on me very quickly once I got the hang of it. Mainly you are in control of Cloud, but you can switch to the other members of your party with the push of a button. Each character has a basic physical attack, either short or long range. Blocking and doling out physical damage fills your ATB gauge, which allows you to cast a spell, use an item, or unleash a special attack on your enemy.

The key to battle is to constantly switch back and forth between your party members building up your ATB gauge enough to unleash strong physical or magic attacks, and then moving on to the next character and taking advantage of that character’s unique strengths. It can be a bit overwhelming at first, but once I got the hang of it, it became second nature.

When you aren’t fighting, you are walking around and doing what you need to do to progress the game’s storyline. Certain things like buying items from shops, opening chests, upgrading your character, and discovering new Materia all make their return here, but FFVII vets will find lots of new things to see and do in this remake. Certain areas have you completing NPC sidequests in-between story segments of the game. This is a nice way to get a little extra background info on Midgar and some of the residents of the slums, but some of the sidequests like “find the missing cats” can feel a little tedious and out of place.

Speaking of tedious, some areas of the game feel a bit too drawn out for my tastes. One that comes to mind is the area before you fight the Airbuster boss. You run through Shinra’s reactor facility, fighting enemies and accessing computer terminals that allow you to weaken the boss before you even fight him. This area seemed to drag on FOREVER. You run through corridors that look exactly the same, fighting enemies that look exactly the same. It didn’t seem like it was ever going to end. It was a good idea, but executed very poorly. Some variety in the scenery or in your enemies would have helped here. Same with the area of the game where you run through Hojo’s laboratory with your party split in two. Everything looks the same. You keep doing the same thing, which is running through corridors and flipping switches. All the enemies are identical. It goes on for waaaay too long. There are probably other areas of the game like this, too, that I am forgetting about. Completely pointless! I understand that they needed to stretch a five or six hour segment of the original FFVII into a full length game, but certainly there were better ways to do it than through tedious monotony.

All in all, I didn’t think these segments did too much to drag down my enjoyment of the game. My main problems with the FFVII Remake have to do with some of the liberties taken with the game’s plot. Again, I will be getting to this shortly.

Graphics:

You just can’t criticize this game’s graphics. Everything looks amazing. As a lifelong FFVII fan, it was a real treat seeing the world of the original game brought to life in such painstaking detail. As I traversed through Midgar, I often had to pause to soak it all in. Seventh Heaven, Aerith’s church, the train station, the reactors, Wall Market, the Shinra building lobby, all of it looks absolutely sensational. This sounds corny as hell, but it was kind of like a dream come true seeing all these iconic FFVII locations brought to life with today’s graphics. It hit me hard, really hard, in the nostalgia. Heck, just looking up and seeing the plate above me, or looking off in the distance and seeing all the buildings and wreckage in the slums, all of it truly brought the world of this game to astonishing life.

The character models are very well-done. They do the original characters true justice. Cloud, Barrett, Tifa, Aerith, Sephiroth – even minor characters like Biggs, Wedge, Jessie, Marlene, Don Corneo, Heidegger, Scarlett, the Turks, and Rufus Shinra - ALL look terrific. Not a single character did I look at and say “hmmm…. I don’t agree with what they did with their look.”

Truly top-notch work here. This may be one of the best looking video games I have ever played.

Sound:

Voice acting is for the most part excellent as well. All of the characters sound exactly as I pictured they would. A lot of real emotion is put into the voice acting, which truly helps to give each character a distinctive personality. You really get to know almost everyone in this cast, and the voice acting has a LOT to do with that. There are a few corny dialogue scenes here and there, but you can’t blame the voice actors too much for that.

The original FFVII had a sensational musical score, and this game follows suit. Many of the tracks you hear are remixes of original game’s music and they are all very well done. Some new, memorable tunes are added to the mix as well. A cool thing about this game is that although you don’t visit many of the original FFVII’s iconic locations just yet, you can purchase and listen to some of the music from these locations at jukeboxes and vending machines scattered around Midgar. So although you never visit Costa Del Sol in this game, you can still hear what its music would have been like if this remake had made it that far.

If I had to make a complaint at all about the remake’s music, it is that a couple of my favorite tunes were either completely left out or altered to the point where I didn’t even realize I was listening to them. I understand they couldn’t bring back ALL of the original game’s music, but there were a few omissions of tracks I considered to be “definitive FFVII” that left me seriously scratching my head.

Overall:

So we’ve established that the game looks good, it sounds good, and its production values are very high. Now it is time for me to nitpick.

I don’t like what they did with this game’s story, most notably the Whispers. When they first started swarming around Aerith at the beginning of the game, my initial reaction was “WTF is this dumb shit?” I knew that in order to expand the story of the game, they’d have to change a few things. I was okay with that. But this was just dumb. Really dumb. There was enough source material to go on without having to add stupid, Dementor-like ghosts who randomly showed up into the mix.

The whole point of the Whispers (which we don’t find out until near the end of the game) is that they appear whenever something that is destined to happen falls into jeopardy. With the defeat of the Whispers at the end of the game, this gives the developers a chance to take FFVII into uncharted territory. Anything is fair game now. Will Aerith live in future installments? Maybe. And I am okay with that (kind of). My issue is - if they wanted to make changes to FFVII lore, just make the changes. Look at the Resident Evil 2 remake, for example. There are many changes made from the original game, but did they explain those changes? No. They just made them. They didn’t need to introduce some kind of intrusive, gimmicky plot twist to justify the changes. It’s a remake, we expect that things will be different this time around. The Whispers ruined literally every scene they were in, and honestly this game would have been much better if they had been left out.

Sephiroth was also introduced far too early in the game. I understand that Sephiroth is a major character, and people want to see him brought to life with today’s graphics. But all the visions, all the flashbacks, all the slow-walking Cloud segments were just too much. And the battle at the end of the game? Don’t even get me started. We don’t even hear the name Sephiroth in the original FFVII until the Shinra building segment of the game. He is constantly shoved down your throat in this game, to the point where it becomes obtrusive. It’s too much. Sephiroth himself is never really explained, either, despite his numerous appearances. If you’ve never played the original FFVII or are unfamiliar with the game’s story, you were probably left wondering “who the heck is this guy?” on several different occasions.

Other story deviations annoy me too. There’s another branch of Avalanche out there, that is well-coordinated with an army of soldiers at its disposal? What? The whole point of Avalanche, at least I thought, was that this was a ragtag group of rebels that was on its own in the fight against Shinra. When the “other” Avalanche showed up in this remake, it seriously left me scratching my head.

Same with the appearance of the villain character Roche. His sudden appearance was a bit too “Kingdom Hearts”-y for my taste. Too ridiculous, too over-the-top, too random. I was not a fan of him. And then once he leaves, you never hear from him again. What was even the point of introducing him? I’m sure he’ll be brought back for future installments of this series, and I am not looking forward to that. Also, Roche wasn’t in the original game, so isn’t his appearance interfering with destiny? Where are the Whispers now?

Other changes I didn’t like: when you break into Jesse’s parents’ house and steal from her comatose dad’s bedroom. Seriously? Gee, I wonder why that wasn’t in the original game. The laboratory underneath Sector 7 was pointless. I also didn’t like all the filler-ish sidequests, some of which I already mentioned. The missing cats, the missing kids, having to pick a flower bouquet, all that kind of stuff. Why do you specifically have to pick three different types of flowers when there are only three different types of flowers to pick from? Many things in this game seem like they were added simply to stretch the plot of the game to full-length. Why not just expand things past Midgar and end the game at a later time?

*sigh*

I could go on and on about all the changes I don’t like. How hard was it to port a classic, nearly flawless game into today’s era? All we wanted was a similar game, but with improved graphics. How do you screw that up??

Bloat. That’s how you screw it up. So much stuff could have been eliminated and the game wouldn’t have missed a beat. Did we really need hour-long dungeons like the Train Graveyard, the subway tunnels, the sewers, the reactors, and the underground laboratory? No, not at all. Not at all.

And while I said the battle system was fun, some of the boss battles can drag on for WAY too long. So many of the bosses you fight are bullet sponges that take 20-plus minutes of repetitive walloping to kill. The house monster that you have to fight during the Wall Market section of the game? Ugh. Kill me now.

All right, I think I am done complaining now. After all those rants, you’d think I probably hated the game. I didn’t. I would say overall I had a pretty enjoyable time with the FFVII Remake, actually. I think my expectations were just a little bit too high. Being such a big fan of the original game, I was going to be critical of each and every change they made to this game. Some worked, some didn’t.

What did work? The graphics, the setting, the music, the way the world of this game was brought to life. I can’t say enough about how impressive this game is visually. Just walking around and looking at things and admiring all the small details was a real treat to me.

I had fun with the combat (for the most part). I loved wandering around and talking to people and soaking in the game’s lore. The game is at its best when it is moving fast, things are clicking, and you really become invested in its story and its characters.

Overall, it worked. I may not have liked everything about this remake, and it may not have been the game I was expecting or wanting, but it worked. Will I play the second installment when it comes out (whenever that will be)? Absolutely.

But that does not mean that this game measures up to the original. Because it simply does not. And at this point, I'm beginning to wonder if another Final Fantasy ever will.

Overall:

B+

If you liked this review, check out some of my other game reviews:

Final Fantasy VII

Final Fantasy IX

Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus

Final Fantasy X

Chrono Trigger