Video Game Review #531: J.J. Squawkers

J.J. Squawkers

Arcade

Nostalgia Factor:

I had never heard of this game until I stumbled upon a YouTube review of it a couple of years ago. With the game's imaginative art style and wacky level design, it immediately piqued my interest. I made a mental note to check the game out someday.

A few years passed, and I kind of forgot about the game. But then, like magic, it just suddenly appeared in my mind again. I decided I should play it before I forget about it again, so I fired up my RetroPie and gave it a go. And here we are.

Story:

Here is what passes for the game's story, as explained by the opening crawl:

"What a disaster! Someone is kidnapd again. Something terrible happend to the peaceful village Pistachio ville. Villagers dissappeard one bye one. And the others gradually became cold hearted and violent. It seems as if they were hypnotized under someone's spell."

Ooooookay then. Clearly, the story does not matter one tiny bit.

Gameplay:

This is a standard 2D side scrolling shooter. Controlling your character, a little green bird dude, you make your way through five stages. You see an enemy, you blast it. You see a pit, you jump over it. It really is a very straightforward game. Just keep on moving to the right and keep on blasting.

I would not necessarily call this "bullet hell" but there is an awful lot of stuff coming at you from all directions. Prepare to take a lot of damage. You have a health meter. Get hit a certain number of times and you die. You get two lives per "quarter". When you lose that second life and have to continue, the game takes you back to the nearest checkpoint. Luckily, the game is pretty generous with its checkpoints. So even though you'll be dying and continuing a lot, you won't get stuck playing through the same areas over and over again very often.

You start with the standard weapon of the tomato. The tomato sucks. You throw it forward and it arcs, making it hard to hit enemies. Plus its range is pretty limited. Luckily, there are different weapons to be found all over the place. There's some big gear things you throw that roll forward along the ground, some screws that shoot out quickly in front of you (kind of like the daggers from Ghosts 'n Goblins), along with a few other weapons I can't think of right now. Some reviewer I am. One that doesn't take notes and one who refuses to look at Wikipedia for help.

Each stage ends with a boss battle. These battles were my favorite part of the game. While the stages are pretty simple (walk forward, shoot everything in sight, don't get hit, and don't fall to your death), the boss battles require some strategy and pattern recognition. I found them to be quite enjoyable. The final stage of the game is one big boss rush where you face all the previous bosses before squaring off against the big bad. Beat him, and you beat the game.

I wish I had a good game to compare this to, but my mind is coming up blank. Ghosts 'n Goblins? Maybe, but not nearly as hard. Contra? No. Sunset Riders? No. The Cowboys of Moo Mesa? Maybe a little closer to this game, but no. Willow for the arcade? Maybe, but not quite.

All in all, I beat this game in under an hour. Each stage only takes 5 to 10 minutes to complete. Maybe more if you factor in all the deaths and all the continues. But with only 5 stages in total, you can get through this pretty quick. I actually played through it twice for review purposes. I actually found my second playthrough harder? I'm not sure if it is something the game does on purpose (like when you beat Super Mario Bros. and all the turtles turn to beetles) or if it was all in my head. But I swear it was harder the second time around.

Graphics:

I just love the way this game looks. I was instantly drawn in by the visual design. It is like a 90s Saturday morning cartoon come to life. Bright, vibrant, and full of personality every step of the way. I always love games that look like this. 

J.J. Squawkers throws the wildest shit at you. It may be one of the trippiest games I've ever played. One moment you are throwing apples at squirrels and chipmunks, and the next level you are in a floating dream world, complete with clouds, flying bath tubs, giant lawn chairs, among many other very unusual things. Seriously, the game is wild. You actually find yourself in outer space, jumping from planet to planet, and battling giant astrology characters. There is little connective tissue with the bizarre places this game goes, and I love it for that.

Sound:

Looking back, I remember very little about the game's music and sound effects. It sounded, uh... okay - I guess? I don't remember disliking it. Kind of upbeat and intense. But ultimately nothing memorable at the end of the day.

You could blindfold me and make me listen to some game music and I would legitimately have no idea if it was this game or not.

Overall:

This was a perfectly okay gaming experience. What will I remember most about it? Probably the cartoonish graphics and the offbeat stage design. This game takes you so many places in such a short amount of time. It truly is a surreal experience. 

That said, I do not think the gameplay is anything to get too excited about. It's difficult, and oftentimes annoyingly so. I also don't think there is anything particularly original about the gameplay itself. It feels very generic, and something we haven't seen in some shape or form a million times before. 

It's hard for me to generate too much excitement for this game. It's good, yes. And I think back on my time with it favorably. But at the same time I can't say I feel particularly fulfilled or excited about it either. It's an above average title. I'll give it that. But I don't know if I can go any further than that. Got pretty annoying sometimes.

Before I go, I will mention that this game has a two player mode. Maybe I will play this with my son sometime in the future and come back and re-review the game. I always wonder if these old games improve with the two player experience or not. I am so used to playing everything myself. I guess we'll find out someday. Or maybe we won't.

THE GRADE:

C+

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