That is going to change with this post. I have gone back and forth about whether or not I should share this, but I have decided to go ahead and take the plunge: this week I lost one of my closest friends. His name is Jeff, but people in his online circles probably know him as either Syn or the Almighty Wisk.
Jeff not only was special to me, he was special to this blog as well. To this date, he is the only person aside from me to write an entry for the blog. He really liked my video game reviews and wanted to write up some of his own. So he did, and I posted them! If you want to read them, I attached the links to the bottom of this post.
I first met him back in 2013. We were working together at Captel, a call center that translates words to text for the sake of the deaf and the hard of hearing. I mainly worked the morning shift, with the exception of Saturday, where I worked from 3 until 11:30 at night. Jeff worked the night shift every day, so Saturdays were the only days I would ever see him.
Jeff was a large, loud man. It was hard not to notice him. Several weeks passed between the time I first noticed him and the first time we actually spoke. I overheard many of his conversations and he always seemed like a fun, entertaining guy. We seemed to have a lot in common with our love of television and video games as well. I wanted to be his friend, but being the weird, socially awkward guy that I am, I didn't know how to talk to him. I knew he was a smoker, so even though I am not a smoker myself, I found myself heading outside on my breaks to see if I could find some way to strike up a conversation with him.
It didn't take me too many tries before I struck gold. I was wearing a Green Lantern t-shirt, and he complimented me on it. We got to talking about video games, and just like that we hit it off. We started talking about Grand Theft Auto V, which had just come out. I mentioned that the title was at home downloading on my PS3 at that very moment we were speaking. He brought up the idea that we should share PS3 accounts so that he could play the game too, and I could play the games that he owned. I barely knew the man, and I questioned the legality of this whole exchange. But he insisted that people did it all the time and that it was okay.
I caved, and gave him my login information. He gave me his. The next day, we were Facebook friends. Every Saturday at work I looked forward to because it was my "Jeff Day." I didn't have any work friends at the time, so this was the highlight of my week. We always sat together and would goof off all the time. It was fun. Our friendship extended outside of the workplace as well. I came over to his house multiple times to play video games. I brought some old systems like the NES and Sega Genesis over. We'd play the classics like Mario, Gauntlet, Smash TV, and Streets of Rage. We exchanged games. I am sure I would have played it someday, but if it weren't for him I wouldn't have played the Last of Us when I did. South Park: The Stick of Truth which I reviewed a year or two ago was a game he had loaned me. I in turn loaned him a handful of games, Vandal Hearts and the Wolf Among Us being the main ones that I can remember.
Eventually he stopped working at Captel, but we kept in touch through Facebook Messenger and I still came over from time to time to hang out. He got a job at H&R Block, and when tax season came around I made sure to book an appointment with him to show him my support. He even played in an online game of mine, based on the CBS TV show Big Brother. The game was a disaster though, and he ended up fighting with half the cast and having a dismal time. We fell out of contact a bit. We still messaged each other from time to time, but the hanging out just wasn't happening anymore. I always wondered if his bad experience in the game was to blame. I wasn't too worried though. I went through dry spells with friends pretty often. I mean, we had plenty of time, all our lives to hang out with each other if we wanted to. This was last year, 2017.
Earlier this year, I ran into Jeff's wife and daughter at the gas station. I am not going to discuss the details of his medical condition here, but I was told that he had been taken to the hospital with a serious, potentially life threatening condition. I reached out to Jeff, but I didn't hear much back from him. I saw from his Facebook posts that he was in and out of the hospital quite a bit. I was concerned, but I think I underestimated the seriousness of his condition. I took for granted that he would beat it, and he would be back messaging me about video games and writing game reviews and we'd be hanging out again in no time. Even though I knew his condition was potentially life threatening, I didn't think it would go that far.
But it did. Just like that, he was gone. I thought we would have years, decades even, to hang out and shoot the shit and play video games and watch silly YouTube videos to our hearts' content. I was wrong. All my life, the only people I knew that had died were old people. Jeff dying so young at 33 years of age was a complete shock to me.
Words can't express the heartbreak that I felt. Not only when I first found out, but even now - several days later. I will be totally okay but then all of a sudden he will pop into my mind and I will completely lose it. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Not with him being so young, and having so much life in front of him. I felt like a shitty friend for not realizing the gravity of the situation. If I had known we wouldn't have had that much time together, I would have made more of an effort to hang out and spend more time with him. It doesn't feel right. Things don't feel complete. It feels like we had unfinished business together that will now forever remain unfinished. And then I think about his wife and his daughter, and my heart breaks even more.
Like I mentioned earlier, I was going back and forth about whether or not I should post this. But I feel as if I would be doing a disservice to Jeff's memory by not posting this. He was a great friend of mine. One of the first I ever made at Captel. He helped me to come out of my shell a little bit around others. He always knew what to say to get me to laugh when I was feeling down. We had a blast every time we'd hang out. "We need to do this more often" was something he'd always say when I would leave for the night, and I always agreed with him. It is an absolute shame that I won't be able to anymore.
Jeff, you are a great friend and you will be missed. Thank you for everything you have brought to my life. I know it is impossible, but I wish we could hang out, just one more time, for old times sake. So I could say a proper goodbye. Instead, this will have to suffice. Farewell, friend. I will remember you forever.
If you are interested in reading Jeff's special guest game reviews, you can check them out here:
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